Chapter Text
Hollywood's bleeding, vampires feedin'
Darkness turns to dust
Everyone's gone, but no one's leavin'
Nobody left but us
Jack looked outside his window to watch the sun rise. the sky had been growing red in the day and gray at night, the only times Jack would see it different were at sunrise and sunset, when the oranges and purples finally came out, bathing the sky in a floral light.
He looked down at the boy snuggled up to him, his fringe catching in the light, casting shadows on his light skin. He kissed his forehead and held him close
The world had gone to shit. The United States was practically at war with itself, the government refused to pass environmental conservation laws, and the air had become deadly because of their ignorance towards the CO2 levels filling the air. The skies were never blue anymore from the constant fires across the nation, the stars and moon were always covered by the thick, hazy fog.
Alex used to love the stars. Jack thought, bringing his hand up to run it through the older boy’s hair. They used to climb on top of their tour bus and Jack would make up constellations while Alex would tell him what and where the actual constellations were.
They used to be able to go out and play music before they couldn’t have close contact with over ten people because large amounts of body heat generated heat spikes that would kill everyone in the group. Back then, nobody needed oxygen supplies with them constantly. they could play festivals before the UV radiation was too strong to go outside for over an hour at a time a day.
The two had experienced so much death in the past few years, their friends and family dropping like flies. the two of them being some of the last left of what they once knew.
Alex lost Lisa. she was out getting groceries during one of their designated “out” days when Alex got a call that her oxygen ran out while she was outside. now Jack makes sure to keep their oxygen supply abundant, always wanting Alex to feel safe with him.
Sometimes Jack would catch Alex crying for Lisa or talking to her when he thought he was alone. Those were the nights Jack would slip away from him in bed at two in the morning, finding help in a razor, thinking he’d never be as good as Lisa was to Alex.
Tryna chase a feelin', but we'll never feel it
Ridin' on the last train home
Dyin' in our sleep, we're livin' out a dream
We only make it out alone
Jack had accepted he’d never feel the same rush of playing music for thousands of people up on stage again, he’d never get to kiss Alex outside of their own home without the looming air of death, he’d barely get to talk to anyone new in real life anymore. he couldn’t party or do any of the things he used to do, but at least he had Alex.
The same Alex who’d just woken up.
“Why do you always wake up so early?” He mumbled, curling his head more into Jack’s chest.
“So I can see you as much as I can.”
Alex didn’t respond, only holding onto Jack tighter. Jack could feel love start to swell in his heart and pressed another kiss to the other’s head.
Jack watched the sun rise until it burned red light into his pupils, then got up to make breakfast, gently pushing Alex, who was sleeping again, off of him.
After about an hour of waiting, Alex still hadn’t joined him. Going back to their bedroom, Jack went up to Alex beside their bed and ran his hand through the man’s hair. Softly urging him to wake up. After a while of doing this, Jack noticed Alex hasn't breathed in a couple of seconds and started to panic. He can’t die . Jack started to nudge and shake Alex, only to be met with him groaning and pushing Jack away.
“The fuck-” he said, glaring at Jack, his voice groggy. “I was having a good dream!”
Jack smiled despite Alex’s anger, just happy the shorter man was alive. He climbed onto the bed, straddling Alex awkwardly, seeing as he was laying on his side.
“Leave me alone, if I go back to sleep I might be able to go back to the dream,” Alex grumbled.
“What did the dream have that I don’t?” Jack said playfully, leaning down to lay on top of Alex.
“Lisa.”
“Oh,” Jack slowly sat back up, the smile washing off his face, both from Alex’s answer and the sharpness of it. “I guess I’ll let you get back to that then.” he pulled his leg off of Alex and returned to the kitchen.
He looked at the two bowls of dry cereal he’d made for himself and Alex with disgust. instead of eating it, he opted to rest his head on the counter and cry.
As his tears started to slow, he started thinking about what would have happened if Alex had died that morning. He rationalized that he probably wouldn't be able to live much longer after that. He needed Alex, he was the only thing, the only person, keeping him wanting to see another day on the dying planet.
Alex, Jack rationalized, seemed perfectly fine without him. In fact, he seemed to like it a bit better when Jack wasn't near him. Not that Jack was spying on him, but the only times he’d seen Alex full-on dimple-smile was when he’d catch him alone, writing or talking to himself.
Jack knew eventually one of them would die, he just hoped for both Alex’s and his sake that he’d be the first of the two to go.
I just keep on hopin' that you call me
You say you wanna see me, but you can't right now
Alex knew he was pushing Jack away. What else was he supposed to do when almost everyone else important to him had died?
Even if he was pushing him away, it didn't stop the feelings he still had whenever Jack was around. The absolute happiness when they were in the living room watching dumb movies and kissing each other on the nose, the annoyance of when Jack’s hopeless cooking skills (especially with their FDA-provided meal plans) really shone, the love he had for the younger man. Most presently, it was the anxious despair of knowing he hurt Jack.
He could hear Jack crying from their bedroom. He could tell he was trying to be quiet about it, and all Alex wanted to do was reassure him that he loved him. He wanted to go up and tell Jack the dream was about him, them, living back on the farm without having to worry about the world, but there was that voice in his head saying if they got any closer than they already were, either of them dying would destroy the other.
A part of him knew if either of them died, no matter how much they drift apart, the other would probably fall right after.
He finally got up to get breakfast after hearing that the crying stopped.
Jack wasn’t there.
Alex scoured the house, looking for Jack or some sign as to where he’d gone. He turned up empty-handed and panicking as the clock turned to the brightest point of the day, the most dangerous for people to be out in.
He called Jack 17 times before getting a text
Jay: cant rn.
You never took the time to get to know me
Was scared of losin’ somethin’ that we never found
Alex was sitting on the kitchen floor, feeling a weird sense of deja-vu. Except this time he was covered in sweat and vomit from the worst anxiety attack he’d ever had, it wasn't Tuesday, and was Jack next to him.
He’d been sitting there until 4:36 pm, slowly falling asleep and jerking awake in five-minute intervals when Jack walked back through the door.
Jack turned in to the kitchen, looking to put away some things he got when he saw Alex. His brown hair was soaked with sweat and matted, his white tee-shirt was drenched in sweat and what looked and smelled like puke. His eyes were dazed with dried streaks of tears branching from them, and he was shaking like a chihuahua.
It only took a moment before Jack threw down everything he had with him and carried Alex into their bathroom, running the shower and cleaning him off.
“I love you,” Alex said through shaky sobs.
Jack's eyes widened, not fully processing Alex’s words as he leaned in and hugged him, not caring if his shirt was getting soaked by the onslaught of water from the shower.
“I love you too,” Jack said. “So fucking much.”
Alex hadn’t stopped holding onto Jack at any point that day, yet he refused to speak.
The two were sitting on the couch and watching the news, which was announcing that a pharmaceutical company had synthesized a plant that worked with a breathing device to create oxygen as the wearer breathed.
It was the kind of thing Alex would spend hours learning about and info-dumping on Jack if it were a different situation, but this was the one they were stuck with.
“I'm sorry I left earlier,” Jack said for the umpteenth time, Alex's response the same as it was the first time Jack apologized; tensing up and ducking his head further into the crook of Jack's neck. “Really I- I was just afraid I’m making you more sad than happy, like, I don't know, sometimes I just feel like you’d be happier staying with someone else. All I really want is for you to be happy.”
Alex moved to look at Jack, who’s eyes were focused on whatever he could fiddle with, which happened to be the blanket.
“Rian’s disappeared,” he started, his voice weak. “We could only see Zack if we could get on a plane, my parents are dead, your parents are dead,'' Jack grimaced. “Lisa’s dead,'' Alex said, biting his lip. “I could go on about how you're the only one I can stay with, but I’d rather talk about how you’re the only one I want to stay with.”
Jack wanted to say that wasn't true. He wanted to point out all the things he’d noticed in the way Alex was acting, to stomp out all his anxieties, to open up to Alex about how shitty he was feeling, but he decided not to. For Alex's sake , he told himself, deciding to study the woven patterns in the blanket.
“Jack, look at me,” Alex said, shifting how he was sitting so he could hold Jack’s face, who was still reading the plaits and braids of the throw. “Look at me, Jay.”
The nickname caught Jack's attention, who had now turned to look at Alex.
“I really do love you”
By now Jack had fully realized Alex saying that earlier. He wanted to believe it, he wanted to believe it more than he wanted a chance to yell out to a crowd and give all their fans hugs, more than he wanted to see all the people he cares about again.
“I love you too,” he said, though he still didn't believe Alex loved him.
We’re runnin’ out of reasons, but we can’t let go
Yeah, Hollywood is bleeding, but we call it home.