Chapter Text
This is based upon the Modern Family episode “Connection Lost” - I totally recommend watching it.
*
Bae Joohyun was sitting in the back of a van, stuck in a traffic jam, playing with her phone. She had just returned from a photo shoot, was still stuck in full model gear and make-up and yearned only for two things:
To get off her war paint for the day, no matter how pretty it made her, because her perfectly gelled eyebrows started to itch and two finally hear from Seulgi, best friend, dancer extraordinaire, and missing in action, who had effectively disappeared yesterday afternoon.
The official explanation was this: Irene had had a meeting with SM while Seulgi had been at the apartment. When Irene had returned to the apartment, missing Seulgi by maybe five minutes, Seulgi had been on her way to the studio and afterwards to the gym. Joohyun had followed her, and it had already been nine in the evening, but Seulgi was nowhere to be seen - and this was, when suspicion started to creep in.
The gym manager had informed her that today, Seulgi had not shown up at all.
Which in itself wasn’t weird, because Seulgi had every right to change her mind about it, but then her cellphone had vibrated and the shared Kakao group with Red Velvet and Mamamoo members had been filled with evidence of a beer-and-food-related occasion.
Joohyun, while doing sit ups, had tried hard not to pout.
She would have loved to hang with Seulgi and Mamamoo, even though Moonbyul and Yoonsun were at times a bit much. She wouldn’t have drunk beer, but she would have appreciated the idea of it. She would have loved to socialise a little bit - why hadn’t Seulgi asked her about it? Plus she wondered if there was any kind of celebration involved, and if so, for what?
Irene knew she didn’t have the easiest personality and was at times a bit thorny, but Yoonsun and Moonbyul and Hwasa and Wheein were her friends too?
She only found solace in the fact that neither Joy, nor Wendy nor Yeri had been invited later.
(Later on, she found out that Joy had been with Wendy and Yeri had been with Somi and it didn’t do anything to improve her mood. The question popped up again: Why hadn’t she been invited?)
When Irene returned home, Seulgi wasn’t there. She didn’t come home that night. She wasn’t there for breakfast. She wasn’t there when Irene went to her photoshoot, was changed into six different ensembles, took approximately one hundred and fifty two pictures, returned to her van and was stuck in traffic, because way up the road, a Pringles truck had crashed into a fire hydrant, flooding the entire area and causing three more cars to crash behind them.
So her car didn’t move, but at least the internet connection was good.
She opened her cellphone.
Her latest chat with Seulgi was from this morning:
Renebaebae: Are you okay? You didn’t get home today.
Renebaebae: Let me know if you are okay.
Renebaebae: I’m at the photoshoot.
Renebaebae: I’ve just returned from the photoshoot.
No answer. It was the weirdest thing.
Seulgi wasn’t the person to just disappear. And Irene, with a decidedly, yet disputed streak of paranoia, started to worry.
She opened her list of contacts and called Wendy.
Wendy’s picture popped up almost immediately. She was in the kitchen, at the apartment, traces of chocolate and flour on her face. Next to her, Joy laughed her booming laughter.
“Unnie! Yo, what’s up, unnie! ” She grinned widely and a bit too happily, when Seulgi - Kang Seulgi - could have been devoured by a horde of rabid racoons on her way home to the Red Velvet dorm.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she tried to wave her away. “Say, have you seen Seulgi?”
The smile shrunk a bit. “Yeah - yesterday afternoon! And the pictures in the Redmoo chat. Why?” While Wendy answered, Irene opened Naver, went to their news section and typed in:
Seoul. Wild Racoon accidents. Nothing came up. It only calmed her down marginally.
“I’ve tried to text her and she’s not answering,” Irene said, gravely, closed the search window and returned her attention at Wendy again. “She’s up on her rabies vaccination, right?”
Wendy frowned, and her face was pushed aside a bit by Joy’s face. “Why, are you afraid that Moonbyul has bitten her?”
Irene’s glance took on the kind of sharp expression that made people wriggle when she directed it at them. Through the years, both Seungwan and Joy had developed a kind of resistance to it, but she could tell that it still had some sort of effect on them, as Irene asked, accompanied by that impression:
“Under what circumstances would Moonbyul want to bite Seulgi?”
Joy still looked unimpressed, but she could see the first threads of panic crawl up on Seungwan, as her eyes widened and she gulped. “I don’t know?” she said, trying hard not to squeak. “Maybe in an accident?”
Irene tried hard not to scowl. If Irene - and everyone was officially informed of this - would find foreign bite marks on Seulgi, there would be hell to pay. The threat vaguely extended to her teammates as well, because she preferred them uninjured, happy and in one piece, but there had been exceptions made for boy- and girlfriends.
There were no such exceptions for Seulgi.
(Irene sometimes wondered if Seulgi was even aware of that.)
Joohyun opened a listing app on her phone, relegating Wendy’s picture to a corner. The list said:
To do:
- Reorganize softener cabinet
- Reorganize tupperware in kitchen
- Check out special edition softener from Dove
- Attach Seulgi’s shelf properly
- Groceries for Thursday till Wednesday
- (new) Check if group members are up to date on rabies vaccination
- (new) Check for rampaging hordes of bloodthirsty racoons
- (new) Does mom want a plush racoon for her birthday?
She closed the app again and directed her attention and Joy and Wendy.
“I mean, since she was last with Mama-mama-moo, maybe you should call Yoonsun unnie?” Joy suggested innocently and smeared a wide stroke of chocolate dough on Wendy’s cheek, who wasn’t fast enough to dodge it and complained immediately. “I’m sure she’s able to tell you? Maybe she’s still sleeping on their couch?”
Wendy tried to retaliate, but her shortcomings in her height prevented her success, when Joy almost easily and with one arm headlocked her.
Irene sighed. “Okay, I will do that,” and tried hard not to take offense at the relief she read in both of their faces.
“Okay, then! I see you, unnieeee! Bye!” Joy waved. “Say hi to Yoonsun unnie and tell her she still has my smoothie machine!” Before Irene could add something, she had closed the connection.
For a second, Irene allowed her thoughts to stray - what was going on between those two? Was there even something going on? - then they returned to the problem at hand.
She opened her list of contacts and called Yoonsun. It beeped twice, then the tired, clearly post-drunk face of Mamamoo’s leader appeared on screen. “Unnie,” Yoonsun said, then she noticed Irene’s expression. “Something wrong?”
Behind her, she could see the living room and in it, the three remaining members of Mamamoo. They were cleaning, but their motions were so slow, sloppy and shaky that Irene wasn’t sure if they were alive or zombies.
“Is Seulgi still with you guys?” Irene asked. “I haven’t heard from her since yesterday afternoon and that’s really not her style.”
Yoonsun was good. She was a good leader and a great artist and she, like most people in their industry, was able to hide most of their feelings and expressions effortlessly, but Irene - best woman of this generation - was better and she saw the little change in Yoonsun’s expression. Something was there, Irene was sure of it, but she could not tell what it was.
“No, Seulgi left this morning,” Yoonsun said. One of the Mamamoo zombies, Moonbyul, came closer.
“Did you know that Seulgi doesn’t get a hangover?” she said, clearly insulted by this fact. “It is so unfair.”
Irene waved this known information away. “Yes, I know, because she’s perfect. But have you seen her? Do you know where she went?”
Before Yoonsun was able to answer, Wheein’s face popped up. “If this is about Joy’s smoothie machine, I already returned it to her last August!”
“No, this is not about Joy’s smoothie machine,” Irene said, her patience there, but starting to wear thin. Her thoughts returned to rampaging racoons chasing Seulgi through the Seoul night. There was really no other explanation, because every human in Seoul knew Seulgi, loved Seulgi and would never do anything to her.
Besides her patience, Joohyun also felt how her rational thinking started to thin out, and she took a deep breath to pull herself together. Her face however remained disconcertingly blank, because she might have temporarily lost her best friend, but not her dignity.
Plus, since when did Joy have a smoothie machine?
“I think she mentioned something about hanging with Blackpink,” Wheein said, after a moment. “This morning, actually. For breakfast, I’m not sure.”
Blackpink.
Irene felt slightly intimidated by them - by their visuals, their success, Jisoo - if they weren’t just so nice. It made her almost even madder. And Seulgi’s unfortunate ability to get along with almost everyone, to be liked by almost everywhere and Jisoo was really so incredibly pretty.
Irene felt her possessiveness flare up. She wished she could call her possessiveness “uncharacteristic” for her, but unfortunately this was not the case. Seulgi was, she knew, or … she wanted her to be, hers; more hers than anyone else's and Blackpink, Jisoo, they were just so …
… goddamn perfect.
“Blackpink,” she said slowly. “I see. You think she went to see them?”
“Well, it’s likely. She said something about them when she left, but currently, we are not exactly in the best state,” Moonbyul said. Her hair looked like a scientist’s after a lab explosion.
“I see,” Irene said. She eyed Moonbyul. “I really recommend going to see a stylist when you go out.” She leaned into the phone a bit more, out of curiosity, to observe a yellow, weirdly formed mass stuck in Moonbyul’s hair. “Is that a potato chip?” she asked.
“No,” Moonbyul said.
“Yes,” Yoonsun sighed. “Be happy you don’t see the back of her head.”
Behind them, Hwasa, temporarily woken out of her alcohol induced stupor, snorted. Moonbyul good-natured elbowed her. Hwasa elbowed her back. Moonbyul whacked her arm. Hwasa kicked at her shin, but due to poor coordination and alcohol missed and fell forward. They tumbled onto the floor.
There was a short discussion about scuffles in the apartment between Hwasa, Yoonsun and Moonbyul, while Wheein watched them, eating popcorn.
Irene took the opportunity to open the messenger app and write to her mother:
Renebaebae: Mom, how do you feel about racoons?
Yoonsun sighed. “Good luck with Seulgi. Let me know when she shows up. I have to take care of these kids.”
“I’m not a kid!” Moonbyul croaked from somewhere on the floor.
Irene said her goodbyes and closed the connection to the sounds of a scuffle somewhere behind her on the floor.
To do:
- Reorganize softener cabinet
- Reorganize tupperware in kitchen
- Check out special edition softener from Dove
- Attach Seulgi’s shelf properly
- Groceries for Thursday till Sunday
- Check if group members are up to date on rabies vaccination
- Check for rampaging hordes of bloodthirsty racoons
Does mom want a plush racoon for her birthday?
- (new) Send anti-hangover meds to Mamamoo’s house.
Then she opened her messenger again.
Renebaebae: Kang Seulgi! I’m getting worried. Are you at Blackpink’s house? Are you with Jisoo? Let me know.
Renebaebae: I swear I’m going to call the police if you don’t turn up soon!
She called Jisoo next - but the other girl didn’t pick up. Then she called, out of frustration, Lisa, who picked up immediately and quite enthusiastically. “Unnie!”
Joohyun tried hard not to smile at Lisa’s happiness. She was such a sunshine and always seemed genuinely happy when she met Irene. Plus she reminded her sometimes of Seulgi - both were just inherently good souls and both were good dancers and both just had to be liked.
“Hello,” Irene said. “How are you?”
“I’m good! Really good! I’m at the dance studio,” she said and waved the camera around to show YG’s studio, before her face appeared on screen again. “How are you, unnie?”
“I’m well, thank you. Listen -”
“Unnie!”
Jennie. Great. Just someone else who was so nice, so pretty and so likeable. Irene fought down the smile on her face, but it wouldn’t let her.
“It’s the most incredible coincidence that you are calling,” Jennie said. She took the phone from Lisa and rummaged in a sports bag on a couch, while Lisa, who seemed to know what this was about, gave her a bright thumbs up. Jennie hid something behind her back and then gleefully presented it to the camera. “Look what I got today! Dove Special Edition softener!”
“Oh?” Irene was immediately curious. It had a really nice packaging and the lavender flowers promised laundry greatness. “I was planning on getting this.”
“I figured as much! But I can’t recommend it. It really smells like some sort of chemical warfare dipped in petunia,” Jennie said, really disappointed.
Behind her, Lisa grasped her own throat and made quite the production of the most terrible death from smelling clothing softener possible.
Irene grinned and Jennie noticed it, whipped around and was faced with a Lisa who just smiled innocently at her, before she winked at Irene, when Jennie had turned around again.
Irene smiled. “Thank you for the warning, you two.” And opened her list program again:
- Reorganize softener cabinet
- Reorganize tupperware in kitchen
Check out special edition softener from Dove
- Attach Seulgi’s shelf properly
- Groceries for Thursday till Sunday
- Check if group members are up to date on rabies vaccination
- Check for rampaging hordes of bloodthirsty racoons
Does mom want a plush racoon for her birthday?
- Send anti-hangover meds to Mamamoo’s house.
“Listen, guys, I’m looking for Seulgi,” Irene said. “I haven’t seen her since yesterday and she’s not replying to any of my messages. Mamamoo said she went with you guys for breakfast or something this morning?”
There was it again. The weird expression that Yoonsun had shown as well, that Seulgi couldn’t place immediately. They recovered from it remarkably well, so quickly that Irene almost didn’t catch it.
If she had been slightly concerned earlier when Yoonsun had shown it, now the main alarm in the back of her head turned on.
What on Earth was going on?
“By the way, did Joy and Yoonsun solve the thing with the smoothie machine?” Lisa asked, her smile still bright.
“No, not yet.” Was she trying to distract Irene? Was she trying to change the topic?
Jennie exchanged an unfathomable glance with her, then eyed Irene again, her face perfectly neutral, a small smile attached to it. “They did have breakfast, but I haven’t heard from them either,” she said. “It’s probably nothing.”
It’s probably something. But she knew Lisa was honest and nice and not easily compromised - so why was she in this as well?
A notification popped up.
Joy is calling you.
“Joy is calling. Thank you for your help! Thank you for the heads up with the Dove thing, it’s much appreciated,” Irene said.
The two members of Blackpink waved happily at her and then the screen closed and Irene tapped on Joy’s name. Her face immediately popped up.
“Unnie!”
“Sooyoung! Has Seulgi called?”
“No …” Sooyoung said slowly. She turned the phone to widescreen and now Wendy, sitting on the couch, was visible as well. Their faces told of nothing good.
Irene immediately feared for the worst. “Was it the racoons?!”
Joy’s expression of worry melted away for a moment to make way for confusion. “What raccoons?”
“Nothing. Nothing. What have you found?”
Irene frantically went through her socials, but all the pages, including the chatrooms she shared with Seulgi, looked like they did yesterday.
“Check out her Instagram story,” Wendy said slowly.
Irene cursed. She always forgot the stupid Instagram stories. She never checked the Instagram stories. Closing all the other apps, she opened the Instagram story and …
She was rarely rattled by social things happening around her. Affairs, scandals, love and jealousy in the industry was just part of her daily life and it was one of her most prized abilities to navigate this without any kind of trouble or repercussions.
She was the best woman of this generation after all.
But Seulgi’s Instagram story made her lose her breath. She stared - and stared even longer, and then some more, until Joy cleared her throat.
“Are you okay?”
Why did she feel like crying? Why did she feel like someone had punched a hole into her stomach and vacuumed out all her internal organs?
It was a nightmare she never expected to have, had never even thought of.
Kang Seulgi, on her private Instagram story, had posted the picture of an engagement ring with the words underneath:
Now I just have to ask.
*
“She wants to get married?”
Later on, Joohyun would tell anyone who was willing to listen that she didn’t scream or panicked, but Joy and Wendy were witnesses: She did scream and panicked.
“Who does she want to get married to? She doesn’t even have a girlfriend !” Then, horror, horror, horror: “Does Kang Seulgi have a girlfriend and didn’t tell me?! ”
“Woah, woah, woah, okay. Unnie. How about we don’t jump to conclusions, okay?” Wendy said.
Joy, next to her, didn’t seem to be impressed, mostly fascinated. She was blowing at her nails, waiting for the polish to dry. “Why? I like it when she jumps to conclusions. I like her face when she jumps to conclusions. It’s the same face she made when a fan gave her that cucumber peach jam shampoo. It was a great day.”
“I’m still doing your laundry, Park Sooyoung, and I will make sure your clothing will fall apart at the most inopportune moment,” she threatened the younger girl darkly.
Joy, most to Irene’s chagrin, didn’t seem impressed. She continued blowing at her nails and then made eye contact with Irene and showed her her tongue. “Merong.”
Irene decided to roast her on a small, metaphorical flame later.
“Maybe it’s not an engagement ring?” Wendy suggested, but Joy immediately shoved her phone into Wendy’s face.
“No, it’s really an engagement ring. And a pretty one too,” Joy said. She eyed Irene. “Isn’t it a pretty ring, unnie?”
It was a beautiful ring, Joohyun had to admit. It was perfect. Tasteful, simple, but not too simple, with a singular solitary pink diamond in it, just the kind Irene loved. It made her want to cry. And kill someone in cold murder.
Her exterior grew more ice queen-ish by the moment. It was evidence that there was a large part of Seulgi’s life Irene didn’t know about - and the fact that Seulgi didn’t trust her enough, didn’t feel close enough to her to tell her was like a cold, angry, thorny dagger in her insides. A dagger that slowly turned, shredding her shrivelled heart to pieces.
Irene wanted to cry, kill someone in cold murder and hate Seulgi’s future wife forever.
“Who does she even want to marry?” Wendy said.
Good question.
Who did she even want to marry? Irene went through the hordes of Seulgi fangirls and friends and then her thoughts stayed with one of them, one where it made sense.
“Jisoo,” she whispered in arctic anger.
“Hm.” Joy had proceeded to file her nails. She still was unimpressed and seemed to derive a manic satisfaction out of this situation. “It’s an excellent choice. Jisoo is pretty, successful, friendly, rich -”
“I think you should stop talking,” Wendy said, when Irene’s icy fire reached her through the cell phone.
Joy shrugged. “I like to see the world burn.”
Irene opened several tabs in her internet browser and typed in frantically:
How to track Seulgi’s cellphone?
How to track cellphone?
How to call someone who doesn’t want to talk to you?
How to immigrate to Canada?
And, because she was a weak-willed individual: Divorce lawyers.
Then her paranoia got the better of her and she emptied the entirety of her search history - and remembered too late that this also killed her search results for the really cute curtains she had planned on getting for the living room.
She cursed internally.
This was the worst day in her life.
And the car she was stuck in still hadn’t moved. Her driver softly hummed “Kill this love” under his breath. She wanted to murder him too. Her list grew.
“Unnie,” Wendy said. “How about we keep calm and jump to conclusions once we have talked to Seulgi herself?”
“Seungwan. She has posted an engagement ring and wrote underneath that the only thing that’s missing is asking. I think the situation is pretty clear. We have to find her!”
Wendy took a deep breath. Her expression was earnest and serious. “And do what exactly, unnie? Tell her what ? Jisoo is nice. She is everything Joy said - successful, pretty, nice, rich. If Seulgi wants to marry her, it’s an excellent, excellent choice and we should be happy for her.”
Irene stared at her. Really, really stared at her and was unable to say anything, because - and this was the worst thing about this - Wendy was right.
On a completely logical level, everything she said made sense. Jisoo was all that and more - and no matter how much Irene hated to admit it, Blackpink was internationally extremely successful. If Seulgi would get married to Jisoo, she would be taken care of, not only financially, but also by a person that was, by all accounts, a good human being.
So why stop her?
Why being this angry, why being this mad, why being this - this …
… her brain supplied the last word with a kind of small voice Joohyun always used when she talked to Seulgi.
Why being this jealous ?
Why was she jealous?
A bitter, broken laugh escaped her, wet too, and she angrily wiped her eyes, because it was not the surprise she expected it to be. It was not a surprise, it was a kind of realization that had always swam somewhere in the back of her head since at least a decade.
Because Seulgi - Kang Seulgi, the Bear Seulgi, the kind, loving wonderful woman that had been by her side the better part of the decade, was … nobody else's but hers.
And she had bought an engagement ring for Kim Jisoo.
Oh God.
You will not cry.
You will not cry.
You will not cry.
“Unnie? Are you alright?” Joy asked, for once having stopped taking care of her damn fingers.
“Of course she is not,” Wendy said, then turned to Irene. “Unnie. You gotta tell her.”
“Gotta tell her what?” Irene asked, still holding back her tears. Not a single one would escape her, because she would not cry when Seulgi was about to make a decision that made her happy.
“Tell her what?” Wendy echoed. “Your feelings for her?”
It was one thing, liking Seulgi. Or even … liking her more than just liking her. It was another thing that Wendy and Joy knew about her liking liking Seulgi.
“Tell her what?” Irene asked innocently.
Wendy was holding the phone thankfully, because Joy was throwing hands. “Oh. My God, unnie. Really? Really? Even after all these years?”
Irene felt petulance rise within her and a certain amount of childishness. It didn’t flatter her much, but at least it kept the tears at bay.
She tried to change the subject. “We have to find her,” Irene said and she hoped it sounded neutral. “I have to talk to her.”
“We can try and guess her icloud password,” Joy suggested.
“No. We cannot invade her privacy like that,” Irene said immediately. “If we want to find her, we have to do it through the normal ways.”
“So - by cyber stalking her?” Joy drawled.
Irene shot her a sharp glance. “No, by using information that’s available to everyone,” she said. “Let’s check Jisoo’s socials. Maybe she has posted something. I think she has a secret Instagram, a secret Twitter and a secret -”
“Found it! Just move, move. God, you are so slow with this. Hi, unnie!” Yeri plopped down between Joy and Wendy onto the couch, who groaned, when Yeri wriggled her butt. “You could have asked me about this to begin with - I’m a master at cyberstalking. And I follow each and every idol’s secret and not so secret social media account.”
“This is not something to be proud of,” Irene said gravely, then quickly added: “Tell me what you have.”
Her phone got a notification when Yeri sent her a picture: A screenshot from Instagram. “It’s from Jisoo unnie’s private Instagram. Looks like they are at some sort of dance studio or something?”
Irene pushed her picture into the corner and opened the message Yeri had just sent her via kakao talk.
She was right. It was some sort of dance studio, the picture having been uploaded this morning. Jisoo was smiling at the camera and in the back, on a couch - Irene zoomed in - was the blanket from her dorm with the bear and the rabbit printed on it. And next to it stood a small bag, which said: Tiffany’s and Irene was sure that the ring was inside this thing.
She had to be quick.
“Where is this? Where - how do we find out where this is?” Irene asked.
“You could ask Lisa and Jennie?” Joy suggested from the small window in the corner of the phone.
She could. But she didn’t really want to. She was not sure if she could face them right now - and the thought of them being her future sisters-in-law wasn’t exactly comforting. They were truly nice people, she knew they were, but she didn’t want them as sisters-in-law. She wanted Yerim and Sooyoung and Seungwan as her sisters-in-law.
The thought, she realized too late, was way too heavy to be thought right now, because it included fast-paced glimpses of a future that included Seulgi with Jisoo attached to her arm, Jisoo smiling at her, Jisoo opening the door when Joohyun came to visit them - and Joohyun suddenly felt physically sick.
Truly, really ill.
She also didn’t want to look at her members, she didn’t want to look at anyone. She wasn’t even sure if she was able to bear Seulgi’s presence right now, because - because …
She thought they had so much time, which made her sad, and she thought Seulgi told her everything, which made her sad and angry.
She had to fix this.
She had to fix th -
“Oh, Lisa is calling,” Yeri said happily.
“No! No! Do not -!”
Lisa and by proxy Jennie showed up on scream. They both again seemed terribly happy. Irene, for some reason, hoped it was not because they had just learned about Seulgi and her impending engagement to who was probably Jisoo.
“Jisoo just updated her Instagram story - and we think Seulgi’s with her!” Lisa exclaimed happily.
Oh, thank goodness. They didn’t seem to know.
“Yeah, we alread -”
“Ohh, wait a second,” Yeri’s eyes flickered over the screen on her side and she tapped it and then another window opened into this conference call that already had waaaay too many people.
It was Yoonsun. Wheein, Moonbyul and Hwasa looked a bit less like zombies in the back.
“Jisoo has updated her Instagram page and we think Seulgi’s with her and - oh! Blackpink! Let’s greet them!”
Irene felt a headache coming on. “No, we really don’t have time for this, we -”
“I say, Mama-mama-moo! We are Mamamoo!” Mamamoo intoned.
Jennie and Lisa seemed to be equally elated. “Hello, we are Blackpink!” they chorused and Joy, because she liked torturing Joohyun, because was a little devil and because Yeri always supported these antics, started immediately:
“One, two, three, happiness! We are Red Velvet!”
Moonbyul, of course, couldn’t pass up the opportunity. “Hello there.” She winked at the screen, much to Irene’s desperation, and gave a two finger salute. The grease was enough to do bobsledding in their living room. “I’m Moonbyul. How do you do?”
The assembled girls giggled immediately and Irene felt the first stabs of the headache reaching her pre-frontal cortex. This was the worst day in her entire life.
“We are doing well, how are you?” Lisa frowned, but her smile was still on. “You seem to have had the hell of a party?”
“Oh, yeah, we did,” Moonbyul grinned. “Yesterday.”
“Invite us too, next time!” Jennie said with a wink directed at Moonbyul and Yoonsun whacked her - and that was the moment when Irene decided it was too much.
Too much craziness, too much absence of Seulgi, too much crazy antics, too much everything. She couldn’t see them this happy, when today her world had ended. She closed the connection and Wendy actually noticed what was happening and opened her mouth to say something, but then the screen had already blanked.
Outside it had started to rain.
Her driver hummed “Don’t know what to do” by Blackpink.
She had to get out. She had to walk a bit, just a bit, to clear her head.
The traffic jam still hadn’t dissipated yet, they were still stuck, so it didn’t make any difference if she just walked a few steps and later on took a taxi.
She told her driver as much, who nodded, annoyed to not be moving at all, and then Irene was out, in the rain. She crossed the street to the pavement and rummaged in her bag, taking out her umbrella that she took with her at all times and started to walk.
The cold wind hit her face and she felt herself cool down a bit, while her thoughts were still racing. One of them was the most foreign of them all, and she poked at it and kicked at it, but it wouldn’t go away.
Kang Seulgi was interested - romantically - in other people.
It was a nightmare. It was even more of a nightmare that she had just discovered this fact and what it was doing to her, which resulted in said nightmare.
She found a bench, a bit away from the main road where the accident had happened; it probably was part of the ramyun shop behind it and she took a seat.
The world was gray and rainy and dark, and the dramatic part of her told her quite seriously that this was because Kang Seulgi had decided to direct her bright, dorky grin at someone for all eternity that was not her.
It was a catastrophe, Joohyun decided, born out of her own stupidity of not recognizing what had been right in front of her.
She should have skinshipped the hell out of her, just to make sure, or, God beware, actually talked to her.
But how do you talk about something you are only aware of for only ten minutes?
Downtrodden and miserable, she looked ahead. On the other side of the road, in an alley, she noticed a couple of racoons rummaging in a dumpster. The world was so terrible that moment that she couldn’t even bring herself to panic at the sight.
Instead, it reminded her of something and she brought up the list on her phone. She opened a shopping app and sent something to Mamamoo’s house and something to their own apartment.
- Reorganize softener cabinet
- Reorganize tupperware in kitchen
Check out special edition softener from Dove
- Attach Seulgi’s shelf properly
Groceries for Thursday till Sunday
- Check if group members are up to date on rabies vaccination
- Check for rampaging hordes of bloodthirsty racoons
Does mom want a plush racoon for her birthday?
Send anti-hangover meds to Mamamoo’s house.
She stared at her list for a long, long moment, and then, cautiously, added a new point.
- Reorganize softener cabinet
- Reorganize tupperware in kitchen
Check out special edition softener from Dove
- Attach Seulgi’s shelf properly
Groceries for Thursday till Sunday
- Check if group members are up to date on rabies vaccination
- Check for rampaging hordes of bloodthirsty racoons
Does mom want a plush racoon for her birthday?
Send anti-hangover meds to Mamamoo’s house.
- (new) Tell Seulgi how I feel for her?
She stared at the last line for a very long time. The rain drizzled down on her umbrella and cold crept into her clothing that she was still wearing from the photo shot and which was definitely not made for this kind of weather.
Seulgi.
Seulgi-ya.
Kang Seulgi.
She promised herself that whatever Seulgi chose to do, whoever she chose to like, love or get married to, that she, Bae Joohyun, the greatest woman of this generation, would be a good friend and would be happy for her, no matter what.
This, she promised.
And while she sat in the rain, a five feet one inch sized package of desperation, her phone started to vibrate. When she picked it up, ready to face another tragedy, she saw the caller ID - and suddenly she was wide awake and one information about Seulgi’s impending engagement away from a panic attack.
ID: Kang Seulgi.
And picked up.
“Yahh! Kang Seulgi -!”
Only it wasn’t Kang Seulgi on the other side. The face that was shown was some that very, very faintly seemed familiar, but she couldn’t really say who it was.
It was the personification of the “°^°” emoji, down to the lip shape.
“You are not Seulgi,” Irene said. “Who are you?”
“You are not Seulgi either, why should I tell you?” the girl asked, her tone the personification of someone who had just stepped into a grave.
Another voice came from somewhere off-screen. It was happy, chipper and overly enthusiastic. “Now, now, be nice!”
“I don’t wanna be nice!” the girl complained and her dark expression darkened further.
The screen only showed vague shapes for a moment, as someone wrestled for the phone and a new face appeared. “Sorry for that - Hyejoo is sometimes a bit … extraordinary,” the new voice said and it was attached to a girl with a bop for a haircut and a happy, open smile.
Irene again knew her very, very vaguely but couldn’t say from where.
“My name is Haseul - I mean. Hello, I’m Loona’s Haseul.” At Irene’s darkening expression, she quickly hurried on. “We found Seulgi’s phone and we want to return it to her.”
“We?” Irene asked. Loona. Loona . She had heard of them. Two of their members were the world’s richest lesbians and got married recently. Also one of them had invented the hamburger heart and one of them had stolen a TV from someone’s waiting room.
It didn’t give her the best feeling in the world that they had found Seulgi’s phone, but Haseul seemed lovely. The cognitive dissonance of it made Irene frown.
“Yeah, we .” Haseul’s smile grew even brighter as she waved the phone around to show waaaay to many members; Irene counted twelve of them, more than Girls’ Generation had and boy, it did nothing to alleviate her headache. “Anyway. We want to meet up with her or you and give it back,” Haseul said. “Or send it to you or whatever.”
“You can’t give it back,” Irene said. She had given up. The stupid engagement was going to happen. “I have no idea where I am and I have no idea where Seulgi is. She is at some stupid dance studio and I have no idea where that is.”
The happy face of a very young member popped into view. “Hi, I’m Im Yeojin. Do you have a picture of that dance studio?”
More faces crowded the screen (God, so. Many. Members. How did they keep order at their dorm?), most of them curious expressions, except for Miss °^°, who tried to shake a happy girl off who tried to back hug her.
“It’s Jisoo’s latest Instagram picture,” Irene said.
The words made them collectively take out their cell phones and tapp them furiously, but Irene didn’t care anymore.
It still rained. The raccoons were dragging half a family pizza out of the dumpster. Irene was impressed by the group effort.
She could already see tomorrow’s headline:
Rampaging hordes of bloodthirsty racoons devour famous idol. Seoul population alarmingly low on rabies vaccination. In other news, Red Velvet Kang Seulgi got engaged to Blackpink’s Jisoo. More news at six.
Then one Loona that vaguely looked like Tzuyu member perked up:
“I got her!”
Haseul looked at her. “You got who?”
“Seulgi! Or rather, if she’s still at that dance studio, then I know where that is.”
“How?” the girl that seemed way too happy asked and still tried to back hug Hyejoo. Hyejoo had the heel of her hand pressed against the girl’s chin and tried to push her away. She was not successful.
“I sent it to Sunmi unnie, who sent it to Yoona unnie, who sent it to Hani unnie, whose dancer recognized it.” She shoved the screen towards Haseul’s screen for Irene to see. “It’s the One Million Dance Studio.” She paused. “It’s actually quite famous, Bae Joohyun-sshi.”
Haseul whacked her. “She looks like a kicked puppy …”
Irene never in her life looked like a kicked puppy.
“... don’t be mean to her!”
Irene found hope. “Are you sure?”
The youngest member, her head barely reaching into the screen, nodded. “Yeah, I’ve compared the picture with other pictures tagged from the studio. It’s definitely the One Million Dance Studio.” The girl looked up from her cellphone. “And given that you are at Hyun’s Ramyun House, you are actually quite close! Just down the road and right by Seoul Kyeongsu Elementary School.”
Irene turned her head. There was a large sign behind her, in curly red letters that said: “Hyun’s Ramyun House.”
She looked back at the screen. Twelve faces were looking at her, expectantly.
Irene inhaled, then exhaled, then said: “I think I need to go.”
“What about the cellphone?” Haseul asked.
“Pack it up and throw it into SM’s mail box,” she said. “And - and … thank you, so much!”
They waved and said chorused their goodbyes and then Joohyun closed the connection. She looked around and found the elementary school on Maps and the dance studio was located conveniently close. And then, she started to run.
Through the rain. Through the cold, not caring if her hair got wet or if her makeup got ruined. She felt, suddenly, at the knowledge of where Seulgi was and that she would be able to talk to her, her ambition return, her will to compete.
She would not let her go without a fight. She would tell her exactly what was on her mind; indeed, she would give her a piece of her mind and then they would go from there. She would tell her that she would make her happy, that she would take care of her and bully everyone into silence who dared to be mean to her.
It sounded like a good plan. She had no idea if it worked.
The building came into view and she went up the stairs and when she opened one of the main entrance doors, she bumped, by accident, into a person.
And given her luck today, it was, of course, Jisoo.
And Jisoo looked pristine in her post workout clothing, her hair perfect, her skin slightly glowing, while Irene looked like a mess. Irene knew she did, because Jisoo let her eyes move up and down her appearance and then said: “Hello?”
“Hi,” Irene said and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, trying to battle her embarrassment at the fact that Jisoo, of all people, had to see her like this. “I - I’m looking for Seulgi. Is she there?”
The expression in Jisoo’s changed slightly; Irene couldn’t read her, couldn’t say if it was something good or bad, but finally a smile drew at Jisoo’s lips.
“She is. She’s in studio 8. It’s - it’s up the stairs and then to the left. You can’t miss it,” Jisoo said, still smiling.
The smile unnerved Irene. Of course Jisoo smiled. Seulgi just had bought a ring for her, a ring - Irene’s eyes traced down to her hands - a ring Jisoo was not wearing.
Irene’s eyes snapped back at Jisoo’s face again. The smile had grown, both in size and in gentleness. Then Jisoo did something completely unexpected, something Irene could not place at all. She quickly stepped forward - warm and dry and risking all that - and hugged Irene quickly.
Then she stepped back and the intensity of Jisoo’s smile had grown tenfold. “Good luck!” she whispered, her voice warm. Then she hurried away.
Irene watched her leave. What was that?
Then she moved up the stairs, turned to the left and then found a sign: Studio 8. She pressed her body against the door and it gave way.
It was a small room, compared to the ones Irene had seen on the way here, with large mirrors lined up on the opposite of the wall. The lights were bright, but not glaringly so, and there was a couch by the far end, where the bear-and-bunny-blanket had been placed.
And Seulgi was there, of course, caught in a dance routine, her body moving like molten gold.
Irene felt shy, suddenly, looking like this, having run after Seulgi like a puppy the entire day, having run through the rain, bothering dozens of people because of her. But Seulgi didn’t know that. Not yet.
She closed the door carefully behind her and stepped further into the room, watching the other girl be engrossed in her movements, her muscles rolling, her motions great and perfect and wonderful.
Her face was caught in that serious look of concentration that Joohyun liked so much on Seulgi; but the moment Irene saw that expression, Seulgi saw Irene - and immediately ceased what she was doing and turned around.
“Unnie?” And again, because she didn’t seem to be able to believe it: “ Unnie? ” Then she noticed what Irene looked like: Wet, mostly, but also a bit … pathetic? Irene couldn’t be sure. “Are you wet, unnie? Are you - why are you here?” She had stepped towards Irene, who suddenly started shaking, because of her cold clothing and - because of her nervousness and because of all the stress.
Seulgi stared at her, her hands falling to her shoulders, but not touching, before she turned around and hurried to the couch, picking up the blanket and a towel. She swung the blanket over her shoulder, then hurried back with the towel in her hands and started to rub her dry. “What are you doing here, unnie? Did you run through the rain? Why did you come here? I would have come home to you, unnie!”
And it was strict Seulgi, strict-with-Irene-Seulgi, a Seulgi Irene liked more than anything else. Irene didn’t - couldn’t answer, just watched Seulgi’s face as the other girl helped her to dry up.
This was it. She had to tell her. Jisoo hadn’t been wearing the ring. It was not too late.
“You just missed Jisoo,” Seulgi said, pawing her hair dry.
The words were enough to wake Irene up from her Seulgi-drunken-stupor. Her words were slow, deliberate: “I met her when I got here.”
Seulgi smiled, but her smile was a bit dimm. “I see. Did she say anything?”
Well, she didn’t say anything about marriage, engagement or girlfriends, Irene thought, but aloud she said: “No, not really.”
“I see. I -,” her hand brushed Joohyun’s cheek and she could probably feel how cold Irene was. “Unnie. You we need to dry you up. I have some spare clothing here, because like this, you will catch a cold.” She pointed. “There’s a dressing room over there, you really need to change.”
Irene let herself be dragged over, as Seulgi fussed over her, pushing her oversized spare training clothing into her hands and then pushing her towards the dressing room. “Seriously, why did you come here? Unnie, did you come just from your shoot?”
“I was trying to call you since yesterday and you didn’t answer,” Irene said, as Seulgi opened the door to an adjacent small room with two benches that were empty. It was weirdly located and required her to take two steps of the tiniest staircase in the world to step into it. It was basically a slightly elevated door in the wall.
“I forgot my phone at the recording studio,” Seulgi said. “I’m very sorry.”
“I know. Loona found it. They are sending it back,” Irene said, as she shrugged out of shoes and the most impractical dress for rainy weather.
“Loona is nice,” Seulgi said, her voice very close to the door.
“Yes, they are.” There was a moment of silence between them, while Seulgi waited and Irene dressed. Her new clothing was badly chosen, because Seulgi’s scent clung to it - and it made her even more nervous, about what she was going to do. When she was done, she stepped close to the door and placed her palm on it.
It was like she could feel Seulgi through the door, feel her standing there, waiting.
“Yah, Kang Seulgi?” The words were gentle, almost small and she heard Seulgi rustle and clear her throat.
“Yeah?”
“I - Seulgi … Seulgi-yah.” She searched for words, but they wouldn’t come. She scratched at the door, the pads of her fingers almost silent. “I … I saw what you posted on Instagram.”
Despite a door being between them, she could feel - sense even - that Seulgi had frozen on her spot. “I - you never check the Instagram stories,” she finally said.
“The members showed me,” Irene said slowly. “I -” Say something encouraging! Something a good friend would say! “It’s a pretty ring.”
She cringed. God. That was. So. So. Bad.
“... thank you,” Seulgi said slowly. It didn’t sound happy.
Irene took a deep breath. It made her grow an inch. Say it. “I … so. I don’t know how to say this, but … and you really have to let me finish this, okay?”
There was again a moment of hesitation, then Seulgi said: “Okay.”
Okay. Okay. “So … I saw the ring, and no matter who you are planning to give it to -”
She heard Seulgi’s breath heave behind the door.
“ - I will be supporting you, one hundred percent. I’m first and foremost your friend -”
Another heave, this time done with a lot more difficulty and Irene could not place that behaviour at all. It sounded like the other girl suddenly had trouble breathing.
“And I will always be there for you, no matter what.”
“Unnie,” Seulgi whined and her tone sounded downright tortured.
“No, no, let me finish. It’s,” she clawed at the door uselessly. “Let me finish, it’s important.”
“Okay,” and the tortured tone had changed to one that sounded … beaten? Lost? “Okay.”
“So … before you give that ring to Jisoo,” Irene started.
“Jisoo?” Seulgi interrupted again. “Why would I give it to Jisoo?”
Joohyun was not deterred. “I just wanted to let you know that … I know you are not that skinshippy towards me and that I often annoy you with me needlessly clinging to you and you probably see a lot of things differently, but … Seulgi.” She took another deep breath and her next words were entangled in it. “I like you. So much. I like you when you smile at me and when you dance and when you pull down your shelves accidently during your Youtube vlog and when you get out of the shower, your hair like a tower on your head and when we cook together and … every day of the week and all … all …” Her voice grew softer. “All the nights too, when you - when you kept me company during tempests and rain and thunder.”
“Unnie …” Seulgi’s voice was shaky, but Joohyun wasn’t done yet.
“What I’m saying is - I know you don’t like skinship with me too much and I know you always cringe, but … if you find it in your heart of hearts to like me first and then Jisoo … I …” She really couldn’t think of anything else to finish with, except a very pathetic: “I just like you so much.”
There was nothing but silence coming from the other side of the door, then the door handle was pressed down very slow and Seulgi opened the door from the other side.
Joohyun expected something - anything, really - when Seulgi looked up at her, but then Seulgi did something she had never done before. She stepped forward, Irene still being a bit taller than Seulgi thanks to the slightly elevated dressing room, and her arms went around Irene’s midsection. She lifted her up and down onto the floor of the dancing studio - and kept her close.
Irene’s hands had moved to Seulgi’s forearms as she held on, looking up at the taller girl, her eyes wide, an expression of surprise and fear on her face.
Seulgi had not laughed at her, had not even said a word about Jisoo. Instead, she had done that: Lifted Irene out of the dressing room and kept on hugging her, despite not liking skinship.
Irene felt her scent creep into her nose, felt her arms on her cold skin under her fresh clothing, felt her hands on her back. Seulgi leaned in and brushed her nose against Joohyun’s - and Joohyun allowed it to happen, but drew in a sharp breath, before then, slowly, answering with the same gesture.
She thought that Seulgi would kiss her, but the gesture proved to be much more intimate.
“Joohyun-unnie,” Seulgi said. Her thumb drew a distracting large circle on Irene’s lower back. “Unnie … I … don’t know … I didn’t know what you like, ring-wise, and Jisoo had bought, what I thought, a really pretty one for Rosé, who doesn’t know yet … and I thought it might be not the stupidest idea to ask her about it. Plus she's the brand ambassador of Dior after all.”
Joohyun stared, as this new information started to rearrange everything. Her hands dug deeper into Seulgi’s forearms, as she tried to make sense of what Seulgi had said.
She needed to know.
She reached up, cupping Seulgi’s face between both hands. “You - you are not in love with Jisoo.”
“I am not in love with Jisoo,” Seulgi said. Her smile was bright, and her eyes were small crescents and she produced that Seulgi sound: Heu-heu that Irene loved so much. “I am in love with you . And I like skinship with you. Unnie, of course I do, just - just not in public.”
Irene still hadn’t caught up. Seulgi was not in love with Jisoo . Indeed that ring was not meant for Jisoo at all. It was meant for her and Seulgi - Kang Seulgi , of all people, who was supposed to be the slow one, had realized she was in love with Joohyun before Joohyun had realized she was in love with Seulgi.
“You are in love with me ,” Joohyun emphasized, just to make sure, still holding on to Seulgi’s face. She mushed it a bit too hard, squeezing Seulgi’s cheeks.
Seulgi still smiled. “I am in love with you,” she confirmed, her smile still bright. She sounded terribly happy and pleased with herself.
This wouldn’t do.
Irene didn’t like getting second place, neither in love nor in other situations, and while Seulgi would be forever the one amongst them who had realized certain things first, Irene felt she had to do at least something to show that she was … a formidable second place.
At least that. A formidable second place.
So she mushed Seulgi’s face harder for a moment, puckering up her lips, before one hand moved to the collar of Seulgi’s t-shirt to pull her down.
The first kiss was, despite Joohyun’s burning determination, softer than expected with Irene raising on her toes and Seulgi, despite them hugging and Joohyun’s arms around her, realizing after a slow blink that Joohyun was trying to kiss her.
The first brush of their lips was soft and very slow, and Seulgi looked as if it was the first taste of something she had never ever had in her life. Her tongue poked out, wetted her lips to sample the taste - and then her questioning smile turned bright when she liked that first taste, her eyes happy as they met Joohyun’s.
Joohyun rolled her eyes, fondly, but then pulled her down again - and what the second kiss lacked in gentleness, it made up with enthusiasm.
A formidable second place.
Seulgi had to hold on to the smaller Irene, when the older girl pushed her backwards, her lips again colliding with Seulgi’s, this time tasting her fully. Their kiss was sweet and long and full of passion and want and all the things inbetween, as Joohyun coaxed small, surprised and pleased sounds out of Seulgi, her lips moving against hers, replying to each pass with a more enthusiastic one of her own.
Finally, Seulgi’s legs hit the couch and she plopped down, Irene following her clumsily, her knee landing on the couch between Seulgi’s legs.
The older girl groaned and moved back, which in turn made Joohyun groan, because why on Earth would Seulgi stop this wonderful activity.
Seulgi rambled. “You have to move your leg, because this is a public dance studio and anyone could enter and I don’t want to be kicked out and -”
Joohyun kisses her, a short, smacking kiss, before rolling her eyes. “I get it, Seulgi,” she said and moved properly onto Seulgi’s lap, her legs lining Seulgi’s thighs - and she watched with delight, how Seulgi’s ears had turned red and how tried to gather her wits.
Then Joohyun leaned in to kiss her again, having the upper hand, because like this, she was taller. The earlier desperation was gone, replaced by happy enthusiasm. Irene kissed her and nipped at the younger girl’s lips and when she didn’t react quickly enough, she delivered another pass - and yet another, until Seulgi answered in kind, her fingers digging into Irene’s back, as she experimentally parted her lips - and Joohyun took the opportunity to taste her fully.
For someone who only liked skinship in private, Seulgi was quite enthusiastic - and quite excited, judging by the slow, deep groans she emitted; and then, she clawed a bit too hard at Joohyun’s shirt - and it rode up and suddenly there was skin on skin contact with Seulgi’s crop top and Joohyun’s moving shirt - and Seulgi tore her lips away with a moan - and immediately babbled on:
“Oh - oh, we can’t. I - you -'' With the tips of her fingers and under a frustrated and amused glance from Joohyun’s side, she carefully dragged down Joohyun’s shirt. “Because if we do, I really want to … I really want you and … unnie! This is a dance studio, we really can’t and … and you are a really nice kisser … you really are! But … I won’t be able to ... and you are really, really …”
She was really, really what? Joohyun wanted to ask, then Seulgi’s eyes strayed down her body and she bit her lower lip while her eyes wandered - and Joohyun knew what she really, really was in Seulgi’s eyes.
She palmed Seulgi’s face again, gently this time and pecked a chaste kiss onto her lips. “How about you give me the ring and then we take a cab home and then you can show me what I really, really, really am?”
“I - “ She could see the gears turning in Seulgi’s head and it again resulted in very read ears. “I … I already kissed on our first date! We can’t do the other stuff on our first date as well!” Seulgi whined, but she reached for her training bag nonetheless.
“We do whatever you are comfortable with, but keep me company, because it’s really bad weather outside,” Joohyun requested and to Seulgi, it seemed enough.
“It’s a couple ring, by the way, not an engagement ring. First dating, then everything else. You need to follow the right order.”
“Okay, okay.”
Seulgi fished for the bag and then for the small, red velvet box inside and then for the ring inside the box and then, between the two of them, with Seulgi holding on to Joohyun’s hand gingerly, slid on the ring with a shaky movement. Irene kissed her once more, quickly, before helping her pack up and call a cab and drag her out of the studio.
She clung to Seulgi’s side, like a particularly huggy blanket. They called for a cab and while waiting, Seulgi opened her coat and let Joohyun slip inside was much as possible for warmth.
The drive home was quiet.
Joohyun’s hand rested on Seulgi’s thigh - drawing lazy circles there and enjoying the occasional view of Seulgi gulping under her movement, before she took Joohyun’s hand to pull her closer.
It was the last time she opened her phone that day:
- Reorganize softener cabinet
- Reorganize tupperware in kitchen
Check out special edition softener from Dove
- Attach Seulgi’s shelf properly
Groceries for Thursday till Sunday
- Check if group members are up to date on rabies vaccination
- Check for rampaging hordes of bloodthirsty racoons
Does mom want a plush racoon for her birthday?
Send anti-hangover meds to Mamamoo’s house.
Tell Seulgi how I feel for her?
Before leaning up to Seulgi, to whisper into her ear, while her ring was gleaming on her hand:
“I love you too.”
end.