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Ouma looked at Saihara reluctantly, eye contact petrifying him. As confident as Ouma always tried to behave, he had hard time keeping his composure in this peculiar moment. But he couldn't have let himself be vulnerable. Not yet. Not until he was sure. He didn't have too much strength left. He gave it all to try and end that damn killing game. He couldn't take much more pain. "You say you wanna be with me Saihara-chan. I am sorry for bringing this up but what about Akamatsu-chan? Didn't you have feelings for her throughout the entire killing game..? So...what are you saying all of a sudden?" Ouma asked with a cheerful voice.
It's been a few weeks since they woke up from the simulation. The memories prior to the killing game were gone and all they had now was what those damned flashback lights created. As fake as it was, it was now their only reality. If their life before the killing game was any good, they wouldn't have volunteered to have their memories wiped...would they..? Maybe there was something good in this. A chance for a new beginning perhaps.
Ouma never wanted to die. But he was willing to. He was willing to do anything to stop the vicious cycle of murders. To make sure no one else ever gets hurt the way they did. But he also didn't want to rise back from the dead. Not after everything he had done. He couldn't stand the hate, the eyes of judgement. He couldn't face Iruma and even more so, he could never look Gonta in his innocent, child like eyes again. He didn't feel deserving. A part of him didn't even want to be forgiven. He didn't do things to be forgiven. If the killing game needed a villain to end it then we was going to take that sacrifice upon himself. No matter what.
Maybe this was his punishment. He would have to face all of these things he feared. He would have to face the..truth. The ugly truth. Perhaps he could atone for his sins somehow, someday. But he simply didn't have enough strength. He didn't understand why Saihara kept insisting on hanging out with him. Showing up at his door with his favorite snacks and that damned smile almost every day..If only he had known he was going to survive, he wouldn't have allowed himself to fall in love. What more could that bring but pain? But at the time that love kept him alive. It helped him go on with his plan without giving up. It kept him from falling apart. Now? It was only bringing him the pain he was so desperately trying to avoid. Saihara only felt pity for him. Viewed him as some sort of a puzzle he was most likely going to throw away as soon as it's solved. At least that's what Ouma had convinced himself.
Saihara spent a lot of time trying to get through Ouma's wall since they woke up. No one else wanted to be near him, no one else bothered to understand him, to be there for him. But Saihara did. The guilt he felt was enormous. If he was just a little better at being a detective could it all have ended differently? Maybe Ouma wouldn't have had to go through everything alone and isolated. Maybe he wouldn't break down...maybe they could have worked together and ended the game much sooner? If only he had tried harder to reach out to the strange boy... Saihara found himself neglecting his other relationships. He could only take so much. After all, they were all recovering from the trauma, some more than the others..Saihara, at least, didn't face a brutal death. The only other one he kept in touch was Momota-kun. And even he wasn't fond of the thought that Saihara was spending a lot of time with Ouma. Sure, Momota respected Ouma for his sacrifice. But he couldn't find it in his heart to forgive him for the things he had done. For Iruma and for Gonta. At least not yet. But he believed in Saihara and if Saihara believed in Ouma, that was enough for him. After all, Saihara believed in Harukawa too back in Toujo's trial without any evidence just because he trusted Momota's judgement. Momota felt like he owed him that much. If Saihara saw something in that weird little liar, then there had to be something else to him.
"A..Akamatsu-san?" Saihara flinched slightly at the mention of her name. He hasn't been in touch with her all that much. Things just changed and they drifted apart.
"Nishishi...Yea..Akamatsu-chan. The girl who wanted to take down the mastermind first..did you forget?" Ouma responded cheerfully, still keeping that wall between them, hiding his emotions.
A shield.
How much it was protecting him, he wasn't sure..but he kept lying to himself regardless.
"It is true that I liked her. But.. somewhere along the way, things changed... I...changed... I don't know how much of what I felt for her were romantic feelings...and how much was just guilt over her death. I've been through so much. No.. We..have been through so much.." Saihara spoke with a note of melancholy in his calm voice, looking into the distance before averting his gaze back to Ouma, his heart skipping a beat at the sight of the pretty boy. "I feel like the connection Akamatsu-san and I had is gone. She escaped that killing game way too early. She hasn't been through the hell we've been through..she can't understand. Even if she wants to. It's not her fault..she's lucky..but still.."
Saihara exhaled and leaned on the fence of the bridge across the river they were standing on. He had hard time looking away from Ouma. He looked beautiful with the wind messing his, now a little bit longer with freshly dyed tips hair up, sunlight caressing his pale, yet perfect skin. He must have stayed inside a lot, Saihara thought to himself. His eyes were shining a beautiful shade of bright violet..
Have his eyes always been this beautiful? He couldn't remember. But it was so easy getting lost in their depths. He remembered that all to well..the first time he got lost in those eyes.. When he woke up with the weird boy on top of him in Gonta's lab and the time seemed to have stopped. He didn't move, he didn't want to move. It was the first time Saihara noticed just how perfect Ouma's features are, the first time Ouma made his heart beat faster, the first time these strange, confusing feelings have crept their way into Saihara's heart.
"I guess so. But you talked so much about her that I simply can't accept your words that easily, my beloved Saihara-chan." Ouma said, leaning on the bridge fence as well, right next to Saihara. "O-Ouma kun..." Saihara let out.
Beloved.
The word Ouma used to address him all the time in the killing game. It always made his heart skip a beat. At the time he hated that. It was not the time nor the place for such confusion to occupy his mind. Now, it just made him flustered. Was Ouma just messing with his feelings?
"Besides, being with someone like me? Why would you want something like that? That's careless. You know I'm the Ultimate Supreme leader." Ouma spoke, trying to sound intimidating but failing as the only thing that came out was a soft, warm tone.
"You know you can't lie to me anymore, Ouma-kun. We've been over this." Saihara smiled and turned to face Ouma with a determined look on his face as he took his hands into his own. Ouma's hands were small but his fingers were long, slim and elegant, feminine even. He must have taken good care of them. They felt so soft to the touch and they fit so perfectly into his own, much bigger, slender hands. His heart felt like it was in the right place. Holding Ouma's hands for the first time in a long time like this was incredible. Like two pieces of a puzzle finally clicking into each other. He remembered the day Ouma hurt himself with the knife. He was too worried to notice just how beautiful his hands were at the time but it was still one of the fonder memories. Their time spent together playing the games. An escape from the harsh reality.
-Now you'll never ever forget me for the rest of your life.- He sure wasn't lying.
"S-Saihara-chan.." Ouma quickly looked down and Saihara could have sworn he saw a trace of blush on his soft cheeks. Saihara's hands wrapped around his own felt good. Too good. Better than he deserved. Hiding the fact that his heart was about to burst out of his tiny chest became harder with every second. It felt great but it also felt terrifying.
Kokichi Ouma never opened himself up to anyone. Never let anyone in on his true intentions. He wrapped himself up in a web of lies, jokes and pranks to push everyone who even attempted to get too close, away. So why did Saihara stay? Why wasn't his wall strong enough to block him out? Ouma didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. Perhaps he was simply the one. Perhaps they were destined to meet. But even so, it was still terrifying. Ouma spent a lot of time teasing Saihara, flirting with him even but he never expected Saihara to return any of that. Not even for one moment so whatever was happening now was way beyond Ouma's comprehension. Could he accept it so easily?
"Ouma-kun..The boy who liked Akamatsu-chan? He doesn't exist anymore. He is long gone." Saihara gently caressed Ouma's soft hands with his thumbs, not breaking eye contact. "That scared boy with a hat to hide behind? That scared boy who always needed to rely on someone? Who was afraid of the truth? That boy liked Akamatsu-chan." Saihara paused for a moment, his hand moving up to tuck a wild strand of hair behind Ouma's ear before cupping his cheeks ever so gently. Ouma stood frozen in place. It's as if his body had stopped responding, as if he had forgotten how to function, how to be a human. In all this time, he has never been this close to Saihara...he had never felt his..touch like this. He didn't speak. A part of him wanted to just turn away and run. Run and never look back. Run before things had gotten more heated up. But he couldn't. His legs were frozen and his gaze was focused on Saihara. On his beautiful eyes which had a golden glow to them thanks to the sunlight. Ouma never liked sunlight in particular. But today,it was oddly comforting. The way it hugged Saihara looked almost unreal. Enchanting. Maybe sun isn't that bad after all.. Maybe life..won't be so bad after all.
"W..what are you even saying..S-Saihara-chan.." Ouma finally uttered in a half whisper.
"I have changed.. I have grown. I have left that boy behind and I have left his feelings behind. The boy standing in front of you now? That boy likes Kokichi Ouma. And that's the only truth." Saihara was blushing, shaking even. He was afraid. He was afraid that he was going to lose Ouma. Even as a friend, his company meant everything to him. A part of him regretted getting into this topic but it was way too late for that now. The only thing he could do..was keep going.
"I've always been drawn to you.." Saihara continued, his thumbs caressing Ouma's soft cheeks as his gaze traveled between his eyes and his lips. Did he put lip balm on them? They looked shiny and soft. For a moment, Saihara wondered what the taste of his lips would be like. He had never kissed anyone before. "From the day that I met you in that classroom A, I've been drawn to you. I could never explain it.. I .. I never put a label on it. I was confused, I wasn't sure what your deal was. A part of me always believed in you..kept finding excuses that you weren't a bad guy even when everyone else kept telling me you were. As time went on whatever I felt only grew but it was easier to ignore with all the events happening around us...it only hit me after.." Saihara's heart sunk for a moment and his eyes filled with pain. "..after it was too late.."
Ouma was still trying his best to even properly function. He didn't believe this was even happening. Was he still in the simulation? Was someone playing a sick joke on him just to take it away from him and crush him yet again? This time for good? No.. it felt real. Saihara's hands on his face felt real. Saihara's warm gaze felt too real. And Saihara wasn't the type to lie, to mess with him like that..or say things like these unless he was sure of them..Ouma knew that much. How much longer could he keep the wall up? He slowly felt it crumbling. It felt..good..unlike anything he had ever imagined. "Nishishi...My beloved Saihara-chan became pretty bold huh? You really did change..." Ouma's voice was soft, softer than it's ever been.
"Eh..?" Saihara blushed, looking away for a second. "I..have nothing left to lose. The game took away everything..we only have each other now...right?"
Ouma was silent for a moment. Memories created by the flashback lights flooded his mind. Fake memories..lies. A bunch of lies. But it didn't matter. They were gonna create new memories, their own memories. Real memories.
"I didn't know Saihara-chan liked boys." Ouma cheerfully exclaimed.
"Wha...I... I don't know Ouma-kun..I never felt something like this for another boy before.. I think that's why I had hard times accepting these feelings. I couldn't understand them." A glint of sadness appeared in Saihara's eyes for a moment before he continued. "I don't feel like labeling myself..I like you and that's all I know.. And that's all that matters, right?"
"Screw labels." Ouma said. "Besides, sexuality is fluid." Ouma raised his hand up, caressing Saihara's cheek which caused the other boy to get utterly flustered, resulting in Ouma letting out a chuckle. "You really are my beloved tho..I never lied to you.." Saihara's eyes widened at the other boy's words. "And..you're not lying to me right now..?" Saihara asked with a shaky voice. "Nishishi. It is true that I'm a liar..my lips do tell lies all the time. And they could be lying right now too. But.." Ouma gently took Saihara's hand into his own and lifted it up, placing it on his heart. "Can you feel how fast my heart beats when I'm with you? I can't fake that.. my heart..it doesn't lie.." Ouma felt strangely at peace. The feeling to run away from earlier has long since disappeared. Maybe...trusting someone isn't so bad after all?
Saihara felt his eyes well up with tears. The images of Ouma's body discovery flashed in front of his eyes. The emotions were way too overwhelming. The beating of Ouma's heart against his hand made him happy..too happy. He was...alive..warm... His heart was beating, beating fast. He was standing in front of him in flesh and blood with a beating, living heart. Without a word, Saihara pulled Ouma into a hug with just a little force with one hand on his back and one hand tangled up in his hair on the back of his head.
"Eh..S..Saihara-chan? What's gotten into you..?" Ouma froze, the warmth of Saihara's body against his own was comforting. Being in the arms of the one he loved was something Ouma has never experienced before. It took all he had to stay calm, to not pull the wall back up. But he understood. "It's okay. I'm here. We ended that damn game..we beat it. For good. You beat it. You tore the company down." Ouma finally wrapped his arms around Saihara in return, albeit reluctantly, resting his face in his neck. His warm breath gave Saihara goosebumps all over his body. He didn't want to let go. He felt happy, truly happy for the first time since they woke up. No..since before the killing game even. And he was afraid of losing it. "Saihara-chan.. I trust you." Ouma said, his lips barely brushing against Saihara's neck as he spoke which made Saihara's heart beat even faster.
"You..do?" Saihara smiled before slightly pulling away from the hug and parted his lips to lean in for a kiss, their lips gently brushing against each other, causing both of their hearts to skip a massive beat as their breaths caressed each other and finally, locking together in a long awaited kiss. The two boys kissed for what felt like an eternity while the wind and the sunlight danced around both of them. The time stopped, the whole world only revolved around them in this moment. If there was any doubt and fear left in either one of them, it vanished the moment their lips touched.
"Nishishi..was that your first kiss, Saihara-chan?" Ouma looked at Saihara, their faces still close, the tips of their noses slightly touching. "W..was it that obvious...?" Saihara asked back embarassed, his face red. "Only a liiiiiitle bit." Ouma chuckled. "But I'll teach you how to be an amazing kisser." Ouma teased and Saihara smiled in return, his hands going up and down Ouma's hips. "What about you..Have you ever kissed anyone before, Ouma-kun?"
Ouma put on his most confident face before responding. "Hmm? I've kissed plenty of people before. I've already mastered it by now." Saihara raised his eyebrows. "Ah..t..that's a lie too, isn't it?"
"Nishishi..who knows?" Ouma rested his head on Saihara's shoulder, enjoying this moment. He didn't know if he was going to regret letting Saihara shatter his wall..but it didn't matter anymore. After all, Saihara said it. What else did he have to lose? If they didn't have each other, they didn't have anything. Now, maybe, just maybe.. they can be each other's everything...
"A liar to the end, huh?" Saihara took Ouma back into his embrace, rubbing his back. "Do you mind that?" Ouma asked calmly. "No.. Not at all." Saihara responded happily. "Hey.. Let's go to my place.. We can pick up a movie on our way..something we both like." Saihara took Ouma's hand, locking their fingers and they headed towards home, together, this time as a couple.
"Hmm..maybe your lame detective mysteries can be fun accompanied with humor.." Ouma chuckled. Whatever this new territory he walked into was, he wasn't going to run from it. He was going to fully explore it. Together with his beloved detective.
"A mystery/comedy it is." Saihara chuckled and glanced at Ouma once again as they walked side by side, his cheeks were pink and there was a gentle smile on his face. Saihara's heart filled with warmth at the sight. Is this the real Kokichi Ouma? He thought to himself. It must be.. There was no doubt in Saihara's mind anymore. Ouma had a kind heart underneath the facade and Saihara was going to keep it safe forever..