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Ochako startled awake near the campfire, the image of Shouto’s bloody face as he burst through the smoke and tore through a Titan’s neck flashing in her mind’s eye.
With her heart thumping wildly in her chest, she sat upright and held a hand over it, trying to steady her breathing. Most of her comrades were still asleep around her, and she didn’t want to wake any of them up, not when they’d worked so hard today. She tried not to look and think about the empty places where some of them would’ve been had they not…
Don’t think about that.
Shaking her head at herself, Ochako pulled her hand away from her chest and gazed into the fire. She was here, she was okay, she was alive. Sheesh, she wasn’t even injured, unlike some of the people that had managed to survive today’s battle. It hadn’t even been that big, but facing actual Titans for the first time had shaken people to their core. Flying around the forest using their ODM gear and slashing at fake Titan was one thing, but actually doing it was different. There was so much blood .
Shouto had been covered in it. He’d vanished as soon as the first Titan appeared, his ODM gear whizzing in her ear and then he was gone. Denki had asked him after how many Titans he’d managed to take down, but Shouto hadn’t known. He hadn’t bothered counting. One second he was there, the next he was gone, and what felt like hours later but was probably only fifteen minutes, he was covered in blood and saving her ass because she’d frozen.
Ochako pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and tucking her chin on top of her knees. She was seventeen-years-old, which she knew objectively wasn’t that old, but she felt like such a child. She’d witnessed her entire village being destroyed by Titans, survived a four day ride on a horse all alone, became a refugee in a city that didn’t want her, and spent the better part of a year training to join the Survey Corps – but when push came to shove, she faltered and would have died if Shouto hadn’t appeared at the last second and saved her life.
Better men and women, stronger soldiers, had died today, but here she was, pouting into a dying fire, not a scratch on her.
Knowing that sleep would be futile, Ochako tugged her boots on and got to her feet. She stared down at her ODM gear, considering taking it with her, but it would only serve to make noise. Besides, Titans weren’t active at night, so they should be safe until sunrise, which wasn’t for a few more hours. She tiptoed her way through the camp, avoiding her sleeping comrades as best as possible, until she made it to the outskirts, avoiding the people standing guard.
After a few minutes of searching, she found a large rock that overlooked the countryside. In the daytime, if she squinted, she’d be able to see the wall they’d been traveling toward for the past week. Right before that lay a city completely in ruins, destroyed after the Armored Titan broke through the wall and allowed the monsters that made up nightmares to crawl inside. It had been four years since that fatal day, but it still haunted anyone that survived. While Ochako’s village had fallen victim to Titans a few days later, due to being in the country, she still felt tied to that desolate and broken city.
What must it be like for those returning to it after four long years? Deku had grown up here, along with Katsuki, Mina, and Hanta. Their lives had been destroyed and now they were finally going home where only horrors and the dead awaited them, a monumental task weighing on their shoulders.
A noise to her left stirred Ochako out of her thoughts, and she whipped her head around, nails scraping on the rock’s surface, only to see that it was Shouto. He was in full uniform, including his ODM gear, probably because he was on guard duty.
Still looking ahead in the dark, Shouto asked, “You should be asleep. You’ll need all the rest you can get for tomorrow.”
“Funny thing about nightmares – they don’t let you sleep.” Ochako bit her lip and dropped her gaze when Shouto turned to look at her. “I guess that isn’t much of an excuse. We all have nightmares.”
“I don’t,” Shouto said with a casual shrug of her shoulders.
“Maybe that’s because you haunt Titan’s dreams,” Ochako pointed out. She held out her hands and waved them vaguely in the air. “Shouto Todoroki, the Titan Nightmare.”
Shouto shook his head. “I don’t think they dream.”
Ochako hummed. “If they do, I doubt they’re pleasant dreams.”
“Probably not,” Shouto agreed.
The silence that fell over them was comfortable, if not peaceful. Ochako wasn’t sure there was such a thing as peace beyond the walls or if there ever truly would be as long as Titans existed. The peace they’d lived under for so long had been false, shattered by the Armored and Wall Titans, but those in the Survey Corps had known all along what the real world was like. It was a bloody, brutal, unforgiving mess, and they had to be just as cold and precise in order to keep on living. Hesitation was a weakness that could lead to death, and there was no such thing as forgiveness.
Even the second chance Ochako had been given today felt like a band-aid that could be ripped off at any second to reveal a gaping wound. It was only a matter of time before she…
“Shouto,” Ochako murmured, staring out into the darkness again. He glanced her way. “What are you doing here?”
Ever the straight-forward person, Shouto furrowed his brow. “I’m killing Titans.”
“Yeah, but…” Ochako clenched her hands into fists on top of her thighs. “You came in second in our graduating class – and honestly, you should’ve come in first. I noticed – well, okay, Deku noticed – that you messed up purposely in the end. You caused one of your blades to shatter by angling it incorrectly at the last second. If not for that, you would’ve been first in class instead of Katsuki.”
“I guess so.”
Even if it wasn’t a direct answer, the fact that he didn’t deny it was confirmation enough. He didn’t lie very often, but maybe he was embarrassed. After Deku pointed it out, she realized that she’d never seen Shouto break a blade before. Katsuki had done so multiple times during their training out of aggression and the others by mistake. On the other hand, Shouto rarely made a mistake. Even in the beginning, he had been light years ahead of them, already trained in ODM gear by his father.
“Still, you were in the top ten,” Ochako pointed out, turning to face him. “You could’ve joined the Military Police. It’s safer, better paid, admired. What are you doing here ?”
Shouto considered her for a moment and then gazed out into the dark. “Did you know my father was actually the leader of the Survey Corps before switching to the Military Police?” Surprised, Ochako shook her head, but she said silent, giving him time. “Not many do – mostly because the majority of people that served with him are dead. We don’t have a high or long survival rate here.”
No, they did not. Only a handful of Survey Corps members even reached their thirties. Those that did were considered elite, top notch, but they knew it was only a matter of time before they died or joined another unit. There was a reason this unit was filled with the youngest soldiers while the Training Division had the oldest. Those that did manage to survive long the Survey Corps long enough usually switched to train the younger generations or they vanished into society.
“He switched to the Military Police after my oldest brother’s death,” Shouto continued. “Touya wanted to join the Survey Corps just like our father – like our grandfather and great-grandfather before him. It’s a family tradition. The Todoroki line is known for producing elite soldiers, the very best of humanity.”
“Sounds like a brag,” Ochako said, although she didn’t mean it. Her family line was made up of farmers at best, so joining the military had been a swerve out of the ordinary indeed.
“It’s just a fact.” Shouto took a breath. “But Touya wasn’t strong enough. He managed to survive a few years, but it was only because our father placed him in the less dangerous missions. He could’ve joined the Military Police, and our parents tried to convince him, but Touya was adamant. He had excellent mobility, but he lacked the strength our father had. When he realized that he was being put on lighter missions on purpose, he became furious, joined a scouting team, and…” He let out another breath, his shoulders sagging, so unlike the strong image she always perceived him with. “We didn’t even have a body to bury. He was just... gone .”
Ochako swallowed. That was the life of a Survey Corps soldier. Save for an arm or leg to hand off to a family member, there was usually very little left of a soldier once they died in combat, swallowed whole or chewed into bits by a Titan. What a horrific way to go. Ochako still couldn’t get the image of one of her comrades begging for his life before being silenced forever by a Titan’s teeth. It felt as if his blood was on her hands, not the Titan’s chin.
“My other brother Natsuo became a doctor, and my sister couldn’t stomach being in the military, so it was up to me to follow in my father’s footsteps – to carry on the legacy that Touya couldn’t hold.” Shouto pulled out a blade slightly, the sound familiar and nearly making Ochako shiver. He looked at it distantly, as if not really seeing it but something else. “I had to join the Survey Corps to prove myself first. My father is the Commander-in-Chief now. I’m not going to stand by with those corrupt, complacent bastards in the Military Police when I’m capable of actually making a difference here.”
“That’s really admirable,” Ochako said softly. “And kind of stupid.”
Shouto raised an eyebrow at her. “Yeah?”
“I mean, if I’d broken the top ten, I would’ve definitely joined the Military Police,” she continued. Maybe it made her look bad, but she was an honest girl. Most people in training wanted to get into the top ten so they could snag a cushy, well-paid job behind the safety of the inner-walls. From what she’d heard, soldiers in the Military Police never fought Titans or had even seen one. “I heard they get fed meat in every meal. Can you believe that? We’re lucky if we get to eat an actual horse.”
Snorting, Shouto shook his head. “We all have our priorities.”
Ochako gave him a little smile. “It was all I dreamed about for years before I joined the military. I was living off scraps, surviving with what felt like nothing. Seeing those Military Police… It felt like a dream. If I could just reach it…” She held out a hand as if to grab a star in the sky and then let it drop. “But I ranked number twelve, and even if someone in the top ten chooses to join a different branch, no one below that line can join them unless they really stand out.”
“So you have to prove yourself too,” Shouto surmised.
“Yeah, but…” Ochako frowned. “I don’t know. I’m proud that I’m here; I don’t think I’d be able to look at myself in the mirror if I was in some safe position where I could laze about. After today, I should be desperate to get out of the Survey Corps. I’m sure a lot of people are. Not everyone has seen actual Titan destruction, you know?”
Behind them, while most of the camp was asleep, soft cries could be heard. While many people joined in order to keep their family afloat, make something of themselves, or simply make some money, not everyone was cut out for this line of work. Today had been a reality check for a lot of them. Ochako would fully admit that she hadn’t joined for honor, glory, or duty. She hadn’t jumped to sign up because she wanted to protect people or save humanity. Ironically, she’d simply wanted to survive.
And now here she was, sitting in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by man-eating giant monsters, death standing at her door.
“My dad used to take me to the wall so I could watch the Titans outside,” Shouto said. “They weren’t much, maybe five meters at most. They looked so pathetic from that height, scratching at the stones, some of them lying on the ground, too weak from hunger to even stand. Soldiers usually left them alone, except for when my dad would show up and order them to be cleared out. It was like slicing through cake. The Titans didn’t stand a chance.”
“It’s different out here, isn’t it?” Ochako said. It had been different at her village too. Deku had talked with her about it some, the chaos that had swallowed their city whole when the Titans broke in, the madness that had come over the people when trying to flee into the next wall. “It’s different when you’re running forward instead of running away.”
Except she hadn’t run forward. She hadn’t done anything.
“Everyone has their different skills,” Shouto pointed out. She snorted. “That includes you.”
“I showed some real skills today,” Ochako grumbled. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be in a Titan’s belly.”
“Like you said, it’s different out here,” Shouto said. “You came in twelfth out of over a hundred recruits. That’s not something to ignore.”
She shrugged, not wanting to meet his gaze. It didn’t feel like anything important now. Some of the recruits that had ranked lower than her had shown more spine today. It especially hadn’t felt good when Shouto landed on his feet beside her and yelled at her to run. She’d been treated like little more than a civilian – and he’d been right to do so. All she’d been able to do was evade and run away, like a coward.
“Katsuki’s raw strength and agility is almost impossible to match,” Shouto continued. Save for himself, of course, but Ochako wouldn’t point that out a second time. “Izuku’s determination is fearless – and more than a bit reckless – which means he takes on Titans most won’t. Momo’s strategies are like a perfect chess match. Tokoyami’s stealth is unparalleled.”
Ochako sighed. “Yeah, everyone’s strong.”
“But I’ve never seen anyone use their ODM gear the way you do,” Shouto stated, finally making her look at him again. “Most people’s movements are sharp and jerky, but it’s almost like you’re flying. It’s…” He let out a breath. “It’s envious.”
Despite herself, a strange laugh slipped from her. “What? You’re perfect!”
“It took me years of brutal practice to get it down,” Shouto admitted, “but you’re a natural in the air.”
Ochako had never considered such a thing. It was true that she’d never touched ODM gear before becoming a recruit – she’d never even seen them being used since the military hadn’t come to save her tiny village – but the moment she’d strapped up, they became like a second limb. She’d assumed the same thing of Shouto since his form had been flawless right from the start, but unlike her, he had been trained by his father beforehand and watched his older brother use ODM gear as well. Getting used to the gear was one of the most difficult parts of training and where most people washed out.
For her, it kind of felt like she was floating. It came to her almost as easily as breathing.
“Tomorrow will be a different day,” Shouto said. “A bloody day, one most of us probably won’t come out of alive.” She nodded. There was little doubt about that. They’d be in the thick of Titans then. “You’ll have to save yourself this time.”
“No more being my knight in shining armor?” Ochako teased. It honestly wasn’t the time, but then again, if not now, then when? There would be no room to joke or tease after tomorrow.
Shouto gave her a strange look. “I was just doing my job.”
“I know,” Ochako said, standing up, “but thank you.” She jumped off the rock to land lightly beside him, a tired smile on her face. “I think I’ll go back to sleep now – and you need to rest too. We don’t want humanity’s greatest soldier to be tired.”
Before Shouto could argue with the nickname that had been bestowed upon him already, Ochako headed back to the center of the camp where her sleeping bag lay empty. When she finally managed to fall back asleep, she didn’t dream of Titans or blood. Instead, she dreamed of flying, soaring in the air and through the woods using her ODM gear, Shouto beside her. The sun shone, the breeze blew through her hair, and she was alive.