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It was a rough night.
The bodies of the demons lay sprawled in front of him. A dozen of them this time, though the other 30 had already vanished into the night. With each dissolved body, he could feel another karmic latch to his soul, another strand that grasped him. Reeds floated down the river and further into Dihua marsh, tangled in a mess of blood and no longer needed weapons. Xiao sat in the green grass that was slowly turning red with his blood.
It was just like it was then. The night that he almost gave into his hatred, his karmic debt. The moon was full, but unlike that night, there was no distant flute to save him. He could feel it, the hatred starting to take over. Was it just hatred, though? Or was it a mix of things?
Through traveling, and through his experiences with a certain traveler, he had learned of human emotion. It wasn’t his strong suit, nor did he find himself worthy of participating in it, but now… it was eating him alive. The two thousand years of anger, fear, sadness… loneliness. Shame. So much shame. The people he had killed, eaten their dreams, destroyed against his will…
He looked across the bodies of the demons once more. His body ached, hurt in more ways than one. A gash on his hip and chest, some claw marks close to his clavicle, more bruises than he could ever hope to count, and countless other wounds that would no doubt leave more scars. And as he looked across the bodies of those he had slain, they started to shift. And meld.
But he didn’t have the energy to move. He watched, helplessly, as the bodies of hilichurls turned into the bodies of those he had killed. A child there, a young man there, two older people in place of the bigger hilichurl, clung in a desperate embrace. And a young woman, closer to him, whose golden hair reminded him of a woman he loved.
Xiao wanted to scream, but his breath caught in his throat. He blinked, and the gruesome scene was gone, but the feelings remained. Lumine… if he didn’t leave her now, she would most surely die at his hand. The karmic debt he held would be too much for her, and should he be forced to witness that, he would loose it too.
He hated that he loved her. It was something that he would never be able to fully express. Xiao was a killer, and he was forced to carry this burden alone. So why did he want to be with her so badly? Why did the few times that they had been together stay so heavily with him? He had offered to give her assistance whenever she called his name. He would hear it, no doubt.
But he doubted she would ever come to him. After all, he was a monster, a demon just like the rest. He hated that he would never get to hold her, he hated that he knew someone else would get to her. He despised the looks the others gave her, and he hated that he was jealous of the smiles she gave them.
Xiao’s heart raced. His grip on his spear tightened, and he tasted iron amongst his clenched jaw. The grass below him had been thoroughly stained, and he somberly stared down at it. The karmic debt was taking him over. He could feel it. The whispers started up again, confirming what he already knew. He’d never be welcome, never be loved, never have a home to go to.
His vision started to fade, the sides turning fuzzy as he stared down at the bloody ground. He watched as tears started to meld with it. A cold sensation started to wash over him, much like when he was about to be taken before. So he pleaded out a prayer, to whichever god might pity him.
“Lumine…” he pleaded out, his voice but a whisper. “Help me… please…”
It’s useless, the whispers chided and snarled. She’ll never come for a freak like you! Give it up already!
“Please…” he whimpered. “I need you…”
“There he is!” he heard a voice call out.
He weakly blinked, glancing up. Greeting him was the illustrious traveler herself, the savior of Liyue, rushing across the shallow waters to his side. He barely even processed that she had sat in front of him, looking over his wounds with a worried gaze.
“I thought I had told you to take better care of yourself!” Lumine grumbled, taking her bag and cleaning supplies. She handed him a healing potion, and he gingerly sipped the concoction.
“Sheesh, we got to him right in time, huh?” Paimon said with a pout.
“Why…?” he croaked out as Lumine started to dress his wounds.
“We stopped at Wangshu Inn for the night,” Paimon started to explain. “And Verr Goldet was getting worried, since she hadn’t seen you in a while. She asked us to go look for you!”
“And a good thing we did, too,” Lumine sighed. “You’re a mess, Xiao.”
Thankfully, because of the healing potion, his wounds had stopped severely bleeding. But he was healing in other ways, too. With ever gentle touch she gave him, he could feel the karmic strands that bound him loosening. Some of them snapped away. He didn’t realize that tears were running down his cheeks until she stopped.
“Xiao?” her voice called out so sweetly to him. Her hand started to pull away. “Am I hurting you? I can—”
His hand grasped her wrist and held it in place. He didn’t dare look at her. That was a sight he couldn’t hope to bare right now. His brain was so full of conflicting thoughts. If he got close, he would hurt her. If she left, he would fall into the darkness. What possible options did he have?
“…Do you want us to leave?” Paimon cautiously questioned.
His grip on her wrist tightened out of instinct.
“No, I don’t think he does,” Lumine concluded.
Xiao felt Lumine’s hand lightly brush his cheek, and he flinched. Archons, he was so touch starved that just that little bit made his skin tingle. She started to pull away again, but he lightly pulled on her wrist again, closer to his cheek. His amber eyes finally reached hers.
The confused looked turned into a soft smile. The gentle smile he knew. The gentle smile he used to have. Lumine was smart, scarily so. Thankfully, that helped him out here. He didn’t have to explain to her that he needed her touch and her embrace, but he was dreadfully terrified of it at the same time.
Slowly, her fingers met his cheek again. He didn’t flinch away this time. Her palm met his skin, and finally, he could feel her warmth. Even through gloved skin, she was warm. She wiped away another batch of tears, and her other hand found a resting place just under his ear and on his neck. He shivered at the touch, and inwardly gasped at the kiss she planted on his forehead. Lumine pulled him close to her chest, her arms wrapping around his neck and his head. Xiao had never had his head or back scratched before, but it was a feeling he hoped would repeat.
“I’m here, Xiao,” she cooed. “We’re here. You’re not alone. You have us. We won’t leave you.”
Her heart beat was fast. He could feel her nervousness, mostly because he was an adepti. Could she possibly have similar feelings for him as he did her? Gently, his arms wrapped around her torso, his hands shaking. He feared the embrace, but at the same time, it was intoxicating. In the end, it won, and he held her as close and as desperately as he could. He was afraid he was gonna rip her dress with his grip, but she only held him closer in response. At some point, Paimon had joined the group hug, cuddling into his neck from the back.
“Paimon thinks you should stay with us tonight!” she happily suggested.
He could only nod. Xiao didn’t want the warmth to end, but eventually, she pulled away. But she kept hold of his hand, helping him up and lending him a shoulder.
“What about dinner too?” Lumine suggested. “I’m hungry.” They started making their way back to the inn.
“Do you think they have room service?”
“I’m sure Verr Godet can accommodate,” Lumine purred. “Sound good?” She posed the question to Xiao.
He squeezed her hand, and butterflies swirled in him at her giggle.
“We got a yes. C’mon, let’s go get a room.”
Verr Goldet, after seeing the state of Xiao (and his clingy-ness to Lumine), set them up immediately with the finest room she had to offer, and told them that room service was free, as were the dishes. Not long after that, a plethora of plates were handed to them—a whole buffet for Paimon alone, golden crab and crystal shrimp balls for Lumine, and some almond tofu for Xiao. In a matter of 15 minutes, Paimon was stuffed full and passed out on a pillow on the floor, with a little tiny blanket on top of her.
The silence overtook the two of them as the completed their meals. A part of Xiao was always touching Lumine, whether it be the sides of their legs, their knees, or their feet. She didn’t seem to mind. In fact, Xiao could have sworn that she inched closer a couple of times. When the dishes were done, Lumine went back to bandaging whatever wounds were left untended to, cleaning them in the process. He watched her silently, enjoying the blush she got when she met his gaze.
When she was finally done, she stood up off the bed and disposed of the bloody materials. She returned, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking sternly at Xiao. Her hand reached up and cupped his face again, with his hand handing on top of it.
“Xiao,” she sighed. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yes,” he responded, his voice still a little hoarse from earlier.
“Will you make a contract with me?”
Damn it. She knew him too well. He would never be able to break a contract.
“Depends,” he started. “If it interferes with my contract with Rex Lapis, I will have to deny.”
She pouted. “It shouldn’t.”
“Then go on.”
“Take care of yourself?” She whispered, the same pleading tone he held earlier with her name. “Stop pushing yourself to the brink of death. Look after yourself a little more. That’s all.”
Tears now threatened to pour down the edges of her eyes. Xiao gulped, holding the hand on his cheek tighter.
“…Fine. But I have two conditions for you to agree upon.”
She tilted her head like a confused puppy, which was all too adorable.
“The same clauses apply to you. And…” He took a big, shaky breath, and averted his gaze. “…You let me travel with you.”
She giggled in response, scooting closer to him. Lumine positioned herself between his legs, placing her head against his chest. She brought her hand down closer to her, intertwining their fingers in the process. She slowly started to fall asleep in his arms, their embrace being their blanket for the night. “I accept your terms of the contract,” she yawned. “Welcome home, Xiao. I’m happy you’re here.”
As she fell into a deep sleep, Xiao found himself staring at the moon through the window. A smile graced him, and he thanked the god that had listened to his pleas for help. He kissed the top of her head. “It’s good to finally be home…” he whispered, falling into the trance of sleep himself.
And as he rested, through his slumber, he swore that he could hear the sound of winds and a distant flute.