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Lin slides her arm around Kya's shoulders. They're cold, so cold. She is shivering, even when wearing three blankets. Kya knows what is happening, she knows what is to come. So she moves her hand up to Lin’s and squeezes it gently. Lin feels the lump in her throat grow bigger, her chest tighten. She holds her chin up and shuts her eyes, fighting back the tears that want to get free so badly.
Kya leans back in the wheelchair she is sitting. She rests her head on Lin’s torso and she lifts her gaze up to look at the woman she loves. She can see Lin fighting the tears. A smile appears on her lips and she lets out a chuckle. “Lin, it’s okay.” Her voice is weak, raspy. Lin slowly looks down at Kya and their eyes lock.
She knows that there is nothing they can do. Kya is old, and she is starting to run out of time. But Lin doesn’t want to let go of the light in her life, the flame that has kept her warm so many nights and that has made her accept her true self. She leans closer and wraps her arms around Kya’s neck, resting her cheek on the silver locks. She breaths in the smell of her hair. It always made her calm down. “I know, but I don’t want you to go. What happens to me when you’re not here?” She asks, gazing at the horizon from the Air Temple Island.
“You will be fine. You have Tenzin, Suyin… Mako,” Kya chuckles and presses her lips gently against Lin’s arm. “I promise to look after you. I won’t be far away…”
Lin tightens her arms around Kya’s body that keeps getting colder. She wants to keep her warm as long as she can. A tear falls from the corner of her eye and it meets Kya’s hair, as it slides down her cheek. “Promise?” She tries to sound convincing, but Kya already heard the quiet whimper that followed Lin’s question.
“I promise, Lin. I love you, and it is time for me to go.”
Lin helps Kya get down on the bed, supporting her back and making sure that she has enough pillows and that she is warm. She takes her hand as she sits on the edge of the bed. She doesn’t take her eyes off Kya, even as the other woman can’t hold onto the eye contact, her eyelids growing heavy.
But she fights and opens her eyes one more time. The left corner of her mouth draws up into a grin and a quiet, weak chuckle echoes from her chest. “What? No last words for the woman you love? Come on Lin,” she jokes and raises her other hand to slightly flick it.
Lin is speechless for a moment. How can she joke at times like this? But of course, it’s Kya. She will find a joke in anything. And that is what Lin loves about Kya. She is true, she is herself at all times and she doesn’t try to hide it.
“Kya… You are so dumb,” Lin manages to say, and a laughter follows her comment. Kya chuckles too, but struggles to keep her eyes at Lin. She is losing her; she doesn’t have much time. “I love you. And I will always love you. But you already know that… I don’t know what to say, okay? I pushed away the thought of losing you some day and it never occurred me that I would actually have to be here, holding your hand, saying goodbye as your body gets cold, your breathing shortens and your grip on my hand loosens.
And I would give anything to have you here longer. But I know that would be selfish because you deserve to finally go. You have been in pain for so long and I can’t bare to look at you like this anymore. But still… Sometimes I want to be selfish.
We have been through so much. And I wouldn’t change a thing. Every memory we made, even the stupid arguments. I wouldn’t change a thing. They made us who we are. And I will hold onto those memories after you go. Even as a part of me dies with you, I will hold on. I will stay strong. Because that is what you’d want, am I right?” She takes a break to control her shaking voice. She glances at Kya, who has a subtle smile on her face. She lets out a quiet, weak hum, giving a sign that she is still here with her.
So she continues. “I love you so much. And I hope we will meet again, soon enough.”
This time, Kya doesn’t reply anything. Her chest isn’t rising anymore, the look on her face has grown cold, her grip slowly loosening of Lin’s hand.
Lin can’t move a muscle. The look is so heart breaking that all she can do is hang her mouth open and let tears stream down her face. The lump in her throat tries to choke her and she can’t breathe properly. No. It happened too fast. Did she hear what she had to say? Or did Kya fade away mid-sentence? No… It all happened too fast; she can’t be gone.
She brings her other hand to her mouth and tries to cover the whimpers leaving her mouth. But she can’t hold them in anymore and she breaks. She leans down to Kya’s body and buries her face in the blue robes, breathing in the familiar smell. “I love you, Kya…” She pulls the cold body closer to her and closes her eyes shut.
It is raining, as Lin walks outside. She lets the rain pour onto her, soaking her clothes in the cold water as she walks forward. She stops when she reaches the edge of the cliff. She drops to her knees and closes her eyes, as she lets her head fall back. The tears falling down her cheeks get mixed up with the rain.
She opens her eyes to look at the horizon. Even it is crying and agreeing that loosing Kya… Was the breaking point of the day.