Chapter Text
How could she have known that her life would have changed a year ago? How could she have known that the secrets that she kept hidden within her heart would keep her awake at night? How could she have predicted that she needed to live each day as if there was nothing to hide? She didn’t, and that made the guilt-filled stone that sat in the pit of her stomach weigh her down like she was a lead balloon.
It wasn’t like she didn’t have someone to talk to about this. She had Chat Noir. But even then, there were plenty of things that she couldn’t spill her thoughts on, especially with how much of a jumbled-up mess it always was.
She sighed as always, hoping that the heaviness in her chest would dimmish somewhat.
It didn’t.
She leaned her head down onto the railing, using her arms as a pillow to combat the hard iron under her skin. The feeling of the cool metal did nothing to cool her thoughts, but it was a nice break from the warmth that the summer day had brought.
She watched as the clear blue sky turned into deep oranges and yellows, the setting sun disappearing behind the Parisian skyline.
School would be starting in a few days, and she couldn’t deny that she wasn’t looking forward to the new school year. Just another year of responsibilities, another year of dealing with Chloe and Lila, another year of being Ladybug. The only difference this year would be adding is the Guardian role to her resume, and she could only hope that Hawkmoth would slow down on his attacks at least for a little while.
Like that would actually happen, she thought not for the first time, not realizing that a tear escaped the corner of her eye until it fell from her chin.
But no. The other big difference was that she had to give up on Adrien completely. That was what pained her the most, resulting in her spending the summer alone.
She didn’t mean to keep her friends away. She just needed time to focus on how to move on. She used the excuses of bakery duties and commissions—which weren’t lies, per say—but they weren’t complete truths either. She spent most of the summer keeping her focus on learning the Grimoire, the only copy left that Master Fu had given to her during one of her training sessions with him. She had begun to translate half the book, going back to what Master had done and recopying the 300-page manuscript from scratch.
Between that, she spent time talking to all the Kwamis, learning each and every quirk and power up that each wielder would be able to have once transformed.
She had pages upon pages of different tactics that she had come up with, hoping that writing them all down would help her and Chat whenever it was needed.
Not only that, but she had a spreadsheet of all her friends, wondering if any of the Kwamis matched a person specifically for any future fight. She even considered all the pros and cons of reusing the exposed temporary heroes once again, and if she should hand a different miraculous to them so she could reuse their usefulness.
But nothing was more daunting than sitting there and willing herself to forget about her love for Adrien. And no matter how hard she tried, she failed miserably over and over again.
“Marinette?” A squeaky voice came out warily, her nose twitching as she hovered near her Master.
“Yes, Mullo?” Marinette somberly asked, twisting her body enough to see the mouse beside her.
“Tikki asked me to check up on you. She knows you’re upset with her right now, but she does care about you.”
Marinette closed her eyes as she inhaled deeply, letting out a calming breath as she chose through the plethora of words that swam around her head.
“I’m not mad at her.” She answered sincerely. She really wasn’t; she understood what Tikki had been trying to explain earlier, just as she had done over the last three months, but revealing her identity to Chat was something she just couldn’t do right now. Not when her entire world was hanging on by a thread. “I just can’t add more cheese to my plate right now.”
“But wouldn’t knowing Chat’s identity be less of a burden for you?”
Marinette mulled it over in her head once more. “Maybe. But I… I just can’t.”
Mullo tilted her head as she tried to understand. She had been there when Tikki and Marinette began to argue earlier. It was not something that she wanted to see, but she had heard the entire conversation even if while hiding behind the computer screen, and she was hoping that after seeing Tikki so down, that she could maybe convince Marinette to see it from a different point of view.
“I know I cannot convince you on those thoughts, Master, but what about taking a night off from everything, even for just a short moment?”
Marinette stood up and looked at the small mouse, the bluenette’s sad eyes furrowing slightly as she thought over her words.
“You know I can’t do that, Mullo.”
Mullo just smiled. “How about you run around as Multimouse once more? No responsibilities for an hour and stretch your legs. No patrolling, no saving, no akumas. Just you and me and the warm night air.”
Marinette smiled as the words seeped into her mind. She could feel the tension falling off her shoulders slightly, a moment of reprieve without the world needing her was something she so desperately needed.
“Okay.” Marinette smiled, a small moment that neither kwami had seen in weeks. “Mullo? Get squeaky.”