Chapter Text
Hyunjin bounced his foot anxiously. He should be arriving any moment now, and the closer he got to the house, the more his stomach seemed to twist. His own apartment was just around the corner, but he had wanted to map the way via car before he tried to walk and accidentally got turned around and inevitably lost.
The house came into view and he thought his heart would beat out of his chest. He recognized the car in the driveway - he had seen both the exterior and interior several times, but never in person. It was almost surreal to see it.
“Thank you.” Hyunjin bowed his head to the driver before climbing out. The car drove away, leaving Hyunjin standing on the sidewalk in front of the house
Did he knock on the door? Ring the doorbell? Run away and pretend this never happened? Did he just text-
“JINNIE-” A blur flew past, knocking Hyunjin onto the grass behind him. Arms hugged him so tightly he thought he was going to burst, and he found all he could do was return the embrace and grin so hard his cheeks ached.
“Sungie,” he sobbed, holding onto his friend. “Fuck- I can’t believe this...”
“You’re even prettier in person,” Jisung sat back, his arms still loosely wrapped around the other boy’s neck. “I just- wow! You’re real and you’re here.”
“Mm, I’m here.” Hyunjin hid his face in Jisung’s shoulder, finally able to give his best friend the hug he had been promising for the last two years.
“Sung, is your friend here?” A voice called from the front door. Hyunjin and Jisung both looked at the same time to see a boy with curly blond hair grinning at them, his arms crossed over a broad chest.
“Come meet the others,” Jisung jumped to his feet and dragged Hyunjin up to the house, his hand so warm and so real as their fingers laced together. “You technically already know everyone, but we can make it official!”
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Hyunjin,” Chan said with a warm smile. Jisung had talked about his friends to Hyunjin, telling him all his favorite stories and sending selfies. He had even talked to two of Jisung’s friends during their many, many facetime calls. “I can see why Jisung was so excited for you to come out here.”
“He’s been talking about this nonstop for the last two weeks.” A familiar face peeked around Chan’s shoulder.
“Good to see you again Lix,” Hyunjin waved to the freckled boy. “It’s been a while.”
“Hyung, let him in,” Felix laughed, nudging Chan to step aside. Jisung pulled Hyunjin into the house, the two boys practically glued to one another. “Minnie and Baby Bread went to the store, but they should be back soon.”
“I still can’t believe you’re here,” Jisung only held him tighter. “It feels like a dream.”
“I know,” Hyunjin nuzzled Jisung’s jaw with his nose, his smile bright. “I can’t believe how fucking lucky I was.”
He had been looking for internships and programs all around the coast, distance not really being an issue seeing how his parents were supportive of his dreams of being a professional dancer. The second he saw a program in the same city that his long distance internet friend Han Jisung lived...
Well, it wasn’t that hard of a decision to make.
He had applied instantly and had been accepted within days. He had moved into his small, one room apartment in the program building, where he would be teaching younger classes as he prepared for a showcase at the end of the season.
The look on Jisung’s face when he said they would finally get the chance to meet face to face for the first time since they met in that groupchat two years prior was perfect - he had screenshotted the call to commemorate the pure shock and joy on his friend’s features.
“Do you want to catch up for a bit?” Chan asked with a faint smirk. After two years of his friend talking nonstop about this Hwang Hyunjin, it wasn’t surprising to see Jisung clinging to the taller boy’s side like a koala. “It’s Binnie’s turn to make dinner tonight.”
“We’ll be in my room!” Jisung grinned and tugged Hyunjin up the stairs and into the first room on the right.
Hyunjin had seen the interior of Jisung’s room so many times it was familiar enough to be his own at this point. He shared with Felix and Seungmin, which was why they were the two he had actually spoken to already.
Jisung practically threw Hyunjin onto his bed and crawled over him, straddling the taller boy and curled around him, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin’s neck and his legs around his friend’s waist. Hyunjin returned the embrace instantly, burying his face in Jisung’s shoulder again.
“I can’t believe this is happening...” Jisung muttered again, his words muffled by Hyunjin’s shirt.
“I- I just...” Hyunjin pulled away just enough to cup Jisung’s cheeks, staring into the other boy’s eyes. Without blinking, he ran his thumb under Jisung’s eye, smiling a little as he leaned into his touch. “I almost lost this... I almost never got the chance to hold you...”
“Jinnie...” Jisung’s eyes stung, his eyebrows turning up as he fought back tears.
Hyunjin and Jisung had met in a group chat on twitter. It was a support chat for people who were suicidal but were too afraid to talk to anyone. It was the two of them, and six other people - they would message the chat anytime they felt they were in a bad place, and they would talk each other through their toughest times.
After a few months, the chat itself started to fizzle out - it turned out that two of the other people lived by each other so they started talking one on one, while the others slowly started actually getting therapy. Eventually, Hyunjin and Jisung solely talked to one another, sending the chat an occasional ‘thinking about you’ message every few weeks.
Jisung had literally saved Hyunjin’s life, on several occasions. There were so many times where Jisung talked to him through facetime, urging him to put the razor down, or to go back inside from the roof.
Hyunjin had saved Jisung’s life several times, too. Hyunjin had been the one he called when he cut too deep and started to panic. Hyunjin was the one who talked Jisung out of dozens and dozens of panic attacks, whispering through his outdated phone.
“I’m here...” Jisung whispered, knowing exactly what Hyunjin meant. There had been a few nights where the promise of being able to see each other in real life alone was what kept them alive.
Hyunjin genuinely almost lost Jisung before he ever even had the chance to hug him properly, and that realization made him want to throw up.
“You’re so... perfect to hug.” Hyunjin murmured, resting his forehead on Jisung’s shoulder.
“Look at me?” Jisung asked, a faint smirk audible in his voice. Hyunjin lifted his head just in time to feel lips pressing against his own. He leaned into the chaste kiss, his lips lifting in the corners. After a few moments they pulled away, both of their faces colored with a soft blush and even softer smiles. Jisung chuckled lightly, looking away but remaining perched on Hyunjin’s lap, his arms around the taller boy’s shoulders. “I did promise you a kiss.”
“Mm, you did.” Hyunjin bumped Jisung’s jaw with his nose, getting the boy’s attention.
One of the first times Jisung had talked Hyunjin down was a few months into their friendship - he had been dumped publicly and in the most humiliating way imaginable. His boyfriend outed him to the entire school, calling him a fag in front of the entire cafeteria, making sure everyone there heard him claim Hyunjin tried to rape him because he was straight and Hyunjin was a sexual deviant.
He had called Jisung as a last reach for help, so close to giving up that if Jisung hadn’t answered, he would have tried to overdose. It had been the one of the darkest moments of his high school career, and he never thought he would be able to overcome it. Jisung talked him through it, and when Hyunjin said no one would ever be able to love him,
Jisung swore on his favorite plush that he would kiss Hyunjin as soon as they met and prove to the taller boy how painfully lovable he was.
Hyunjin ended up finishing high school online, pulled from public classes due to the bullying, but that didn’t bother him - that much, at least - because he had Jisung by his side through the whole thing.
Hyunjin cupped Jisung’s face again, feeling his friend’s blush against his palms. He studied the smaller boy’s face carefully, taking in every single detail he could. Obviously he knew what Jisung looked like, but now that he was able to actually look at his friend, he could see how Jisung’s eyelashes were brown, rather than black, and that there was a faint dusting of freckles across his nose, from all the time Jisung spent skateboarding around the area, soaking up the sun when he had a chance.
His freckles weren’t like Felix’s - they were soft, barely even there. He would have to stay so close that he could feel Jisung’s breath on his lips in order to really see them.
“You’re so pretty,” Hyunjin sighed, pressing a kiss to the side of Jisung’s nose. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over how amazing you are...”
He could feel Jisung’s heartbeat against his own chest from how close they were pressed together. Jisung’s warmth soaked into his own skin, making the whole world fuzzy and comfortable. He felt like he could stay in Jisung’s bed, wrapped in Jisung’s arms, for the rest of his life and never be unhappy.
He almost lost this - he almost lost Jisung. The four hours between Jisung saying goodbye and Jisung calling him, in tears, were some of the longest in Hyunjin’s entire life. It had been almost a year since that night, and Hyunjin still had nightmares of finding Jisung’s lifeless body.
Jisung, drowning in the dredges of his depression, had sent Hyunjin a long message, apologizing for being such a burden and asking him to forgive him. Four hours later, he called Hyunjin, sobbing so hard he could have broken a rib. He had gone to the bridge and sat on the ledge, staring into the water for hours, contemplating everything.
He had told Hyunjin that he had struggled with himself - every time he convinced himself to let go, he would think of something to make him stay, then immediately think of how useless it all was. He had argued with himself all night, almost falling off the edge of the bridge because his fingers were so frozen. He told Hyunjin that the final push had been the thought that no one would be able to contact Hyunjin to let him know what happened.
The last thing Hyunjin would have from him was that apology, and he would never know the truth of what happened, because no one else had his contact information other than Jisung himself. That was what finally convinced Jisung to step off the side of the bridge and trudge home, getting into his room without anyone having known he left in the first place. He had hid the suicide note that he had left on his pillow away where no one would be able to find it.
“Don’t cry Jinnie,” Jisung sounded close to tears himself. He nuzzled his cheek against his friend’s palm, desperately needing Hyunjin as close to him as possible. “I’m sorry...”
“Don’t apologize, idiot,” Hyunjin chuckled through his tears. “I’m just... I’m just so fucking happy. You’re my best friend.”
“I love you too, dumbass,” Jisung laughed brightly, tears glittering in his eyes like stars. “I never want to get up. I don’t want you to go.”
“I literally live down the street,” Hyunjin wrinkled his nose playfully. “It’s like, a ten minute walk.”
“I know, but... I’m scared if you leave, you won’t come back.”
“Jisung...” Hyunjin’s stomach dropped.
“I’m scared that this really will be a dream,” Jisung continued softly. “And that as soon as you’re out of reach, you’ll disappear for real.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Hyunjin tried to put as much conviction behind his words as possible, so Jisung could hear the promise. “You’re stuck with me.”
“Good.” His smile was blinding. Hyunjin didn’t think before he leaned back in, kissing his friend gently. He felt Jisung smiling against his mouth as the smaller boy’s hands slid from around his neck to grip the front of his shirt.
Hyunjin jumped when he felt Jisung nip at his bottom lip, but before he could do anything - pull away, or open his mouth to let Jisung take control of the kiss - there was a short knock before the door opened.
“Sung, dinner’s ready-” Changbin said, freezing when he saw the position his friend was in with a boy he had never seen before. “Who’s that?”
“Hyung,” Jisung flushed, hiding his face in Hyunjin’s neck. “This is Hyunjin. I’ve been talking about him for weeks. He moved around the corner for that dance program.”
“Oh...” Changbin trailed off, staring intently at Hyunjin, who was starting to fidget under the older boy’s intense gaze. “I was expecting someone... different.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jisung pouted, sitting up to look at his hyung properly.
“I dunno,” Changbin just shrugged. “Either way, dinner’s ready.”
“Mm, we’ll be right down,” Jisung said. Changbin nodded and closed the door again, leaving the boys alone once more. “His timing fucking sucks...”
“If you wanted to kiss me that badly, you just had to ask,” Hyunjin giggled, his cheeks flushing bright red. He could feel how hot his face was, and wondered if Jisung could feel the literal heat radiating from his cheeks. “Though next time, we can go to my apartment.”
“Hyunjin!” Jisung squeaked, rolling off the taller boy’s lap onto the floor, scrambling to his feet. Hyunjin could see how red his friend’s neck and ears were, and it made him giggle to himself.
Jisung was so cute.
Hyunjin stood and followed Jisung back down the stairs, where the others had already gathered in the dining room, the table set and everything.
He knew a little about Jisung’s living situation - apparently Changbin’s parents were loaded, and this house had been a little side project for them. They bought the property outright and spent a few years fixing it up. Once Changbin turned twenty, they let their son live there, more than happy to see Bin’s friends moving in to keep their son company as they went to college and worked.
“Here Jinnie, there’s a spot open next to Jisung.” He pointed to an open chair - there were exactly eight, and Hyunjin instantly felt genuinely included, not just tacked on.
“So this is Hyunjin, huh?” Jeongin asked, grinning at the boy in question.
“He’s so cute.” Minho grinned, resting his chin on his hand. Hyunjin already knew who everyone was - Jisung had shown him enough pictures that he would have been able to identify them instantly, but he sometimes forgot that not everyone knew who he was.
He wasn’t upset about it. He knew Jisung hadn’t talked to any of his friends about what he was going through, so it made sense for Jisung to be hesitant to explain how he and Hyunjin came to meet in the first place.
“Nice to finally meet you all,” Hyunjin smiled and nodded his head in a shallow bow, a shy smile on his lips. “Sung’s told me a lot about you.”
“Oh jeez,” Seungmin huffed. “That’s never a good thing to hear. Jisung knows way too much shit about us...”
“It was mostly all good things,” Hyunjin laughed happily as Jisung filled his plate. “I’ve been looking forward to getting to know all of Jisung’s friends for a while now. He’s always so happy when he talks about you guys... I- thank you for making him happy!”
He bowed his head again, causing all conversation around the table to stop. He felt eyes trained on him, and he felt his neck start to flush, the embarrassment growing in his stomach like vines.
“Um-” He tried to backtrack, only for someone else to speak up.
“We should be the one saying that,” Chan smiled at him. Hyunjin always knew Chan was attractive - he and Jisung used to joke that he had a crush on Chan based solely on the stories he had heard and the pictures he had seen - but seeing such a gentle smile aimed at him in real life almost made his heart flutter. “You’ve made our Jisungie so happy... even when we felt powerless, you still managed to get him to smile.”
“Hyung...” Jisung whispered large, watery eyes trained on the older boy.
“You think we didn’t notice how depressed you were a few years ago?” Chan raised an eyebrow. “We love you, Jisung. Of course we’re going to worry.”
“O-oh...” He trailed off, turning his attention back to his plate. He felt something touch his thigh and saw Hyunjin holding his hand out. He took it with a grateful smile, their fingers curling around each other, comforting Jisung immediately.
Hyunjin smiled at Jisung, giving the other boy’s hand a gentle squeeze. Jisung returned the smile, and the squeeze, before turning back to their dinner.
It didn’t escape Hyunjin’s attention that Changbin was staring at him with an unreadable expression.
“Welcome to my penthouse,” Hyunjin joked, letting him and Jisung into his small apartment. It was a single room, with a kitchen in the corner, a tiny bathroom off to the side and a bed shoved against the far wall. He had a desk, a closet, and a dresser, and a futon covered in blankets and pillows in the middle of the room, facing the wall with the television. There wasn’t much space, but it was perfect for a single twenty year old boy living on his own for the first time. “Make yourself at home.”
“You need some posters.” Jisung teased as he toed off his sneakers by the door.
“Mm, they have rules about hanging things on the walls, but as soon as I get some shit I’ll figure out a loophole,” He laughed, searching through a pile of papers on his desk.
“You know how much of a magpie I can be.”
Jisung loved to tease Hyunjin for the taller boy’s habit of finding shiny things and putting them on display. In fact, Jisung had even started mailing Hyunjin small rocks, and sparkly stickers, and anything that seemed shiny and pretty to add to his collections.
“You’ll gather more shit soon enough- what’s this?” Jisung asked, taking whatever it was that Hyunjin was handing him.
“It’s the spare key,” He said easily, going over to the fridge and pulling out two cans of Dr. Pepper - it was both their favorite, and one of the first things they bonded over. He handed his friend the second can, Jisung still staring at the key in shock. “I figured... if I could give the second one to anyone in the world, it would be you.”
“Jinnie...” Jisung sniffled, tears instantly running down his cheeks. He put the can down on the counter and threw himself at Hyunjin, almost tackling his friend down as he had done the first day Hyunjin had come to his house.
“You’re my best friend,” Hyunjin pet the smaller boy’s hair. “I want you to have a place to go, if you ever feel lost, or alone.”
“I love you so much,” Jisung sobbed, holding Hyunjin tightly, as if he were afraid his friend would turn into smoke. “I’m so fucking happy we met and that we stayed friends and that we didn’t fucking off ourselves before we got the chance to see each other in person and-”
“I love you too,” Hyunjin cut off his rambling. “You wanna cuddle and watch anime?”
“Yes!?” Jisung shot up, his eyes red but smiling regardless. They used to have anime dates all the time, where Hyunjin would share his screen and they would trade commentary over their facetime calls.
Without thinking, Hyunjin leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Jisung’s mouth. He was just so cute and excited, he couldn’t help himself. Jisung blinked at him before grinning, showing Hyunjin the heart shaped smile he was so fond of. Without mentioning the kiss, he tugged the taller boy over to the futon and plopped down as
Hyunjin set up his laptop, placing it on the small coffee table that sat between the futon and the wall.
He put both cans of soda next to the laptop and settled down, letting Jisung throw the fluffy blanket over their laps. Jisung curled into Hyunjin’s side, listening to his friend’s heartbeat as the opening theme for the show they had started, but never finished, started playing.
Hyunjin couldn’t help but think about how natural it felt to hold Jisung.
He also couldn’t help but think about how easy it was to kiss Jisung, but that wasn't something he wasn’t going to bring up unless Jisung did.
Because kissing his best friend was one thing, but trying to start a relationship was... completely different, and Hyunjin would never jeopardize his friendship with Jisung.
“Do you think you’ll ever tell them how we met?” Hyunjin asked softly. He and Jisung were sitting on the couch in Jisung’s living room, the others out in the kitchen gathering snacks for their movie night. Chan and Changbin had work, but the other four were excited to watch the horror movie Minho had suggested - according to the older boy, it had gotten terrible reviews, which only made it even better.
“I... I don’t know,” Jisung admitted after a moment. “Probably if I get really bad again, but otherwise... If it were just about me, maybe, but if I told them, then that would be outing you too, you know?”
“You shouldn’t worry about outing me-” Hyunjin was cut off by a small stampede entering the living room, their arms filled with bottles and bowls and bags.
“Jin, you drink?” Minho asked, sitting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, placing his armful of drinks down.
“Yeah,” Hyunjin grinned, taking the offered green bottle from Minho, who was smirking at him. Jisung gave him a look, and he just bumped the smaller boy’s jaw with his nose. “It’s fine, Sung. I’m better now, remember?”
Neither really spoke about the almost full month Hyunjin spent perpetually drunk, right after he had started homeschooling. He had managed to hide it from his mom, who worked so much he rarely ever saw her, but not from Jisung, who could read his every emotion, even through the grainy phone camera.
Jisung hesitated a moment before nodding. He trusted Hyunjin, and this time - for the first time ever - Jisung could be there for his friend if he got too drunk. No more listening to Hyunjin gag and sob over the toilet while the phone was pointing at the ceiling.
Hyunjin smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his temple, seemingly without a second thought. He cracked the bottle open and took a sip, the cold soju burning perfectly as it went down his throat. He offered the bottle to Jisung, who didn’t hesitate to take the offered sip. Between the two of them, the bottle wouldn’t last long at all.
Neither of them noticed Minho glancing back at them, nor Minho discretely texting the chat between himself, Chan and Changbin.
The movie itself wasn't all that scary - in fact, it was almost painfully predictable. Even so, Jisung found himself jumping at each and every scare, even the most obvious ones. Hyunjin couldn't stop the giggles that slipped out at his friend's expense, holding him closer so the big scary ghosts couldn't get him.
It was when the old man checked into the ooky spooky haunted hotel that Hyunjin knew something was wrong. The man talked about his wife, who just passed away, and how that particular room was where they spent their honeymoon. He had a bad feeling about the man, but he couldn't say anything without potentially making the others worry. He simply held Jisung closer, dread building in his stomach with each passing minute that the old man wasn't mentioned.
As the main character walked up the creaky steps to the man's room, Hyunjin could feel himself start to shake. Jisung noticed and glanced up at his friend, concern painted clearly on his face. The soju they had split wasn't nearly enough to get them drunk, but Hyunjin was just fuzzy enough to feel the anxiety building in his chest. Each step the girl took seemed to take an eternity.
He knew what was coming. He knew it, and it made his sick to his stomach.
He covered Jisung's the second the girl opened the bathroom door. Her scream echoed in the living room, and the boys watching all gasped. Hyunjin found himself completely frozen, staring at the gruesome scene of the old man, his wrists slit open from wrist to elbow, crimson blood seeming to flood the floor and bathtub. The girl just kept screaming, but Hyunjin found himself unable to make a single sound.
That could have been him.
That could have been Jisung.
Jisung pulled Hyunjin's hand away from his eyes and froze as well, his ears ringing loudly. He had looked just in time for the scene to change, but it was enough to shake him to his core. He wondered if he would ever be able to see something like that and not feel the urge to throw up.
Hyunjin held him tightly, as if he were afraid Jisung were going to run out of his arms and finish what he had failed to do a year ago.
"You guys okay?" Seungmin asked, noticing how pale and still both Hyunjin and Jisung were. Hyunjin was the first to regain his voice, shooting the other boy a weak smile.
"Mm, just... wasn't expecting something so... g-graphic." His voice cracked, which only made the concern on Seungmin's face deepen.
"We can turn it off," Jeongin offered, getting Minho's attention. "We can watch something else. It's alright."
"No, it's okay," Hyunjin's second smile was a little stronger. "I know you were all looking forward to this. Besides, it's almost over, yeah?"
"Are you sure?" Felix frowned, looking at Hyunjin and Jisung with large eyes. Jisung just nodded and rested his head on Hyunjin's shoulder, partially hiding his face from the others. Hyunjin looked down at his friend and his chest clenched, as if his ribs were being crushed.
"Yeah, we're good," Hyunjin prayed his voice was finally level again. "Though we might turn in after this. Sung's been kinda tired today, so I told him I'd sleep over."
"If you're sure..." Minho trailed off, looking conflicted. With a nod from Hyunjin, confirming their decision, the older boy put the movie back on. Hyunjin slumped on the couch, pulling Jisung onto his lap fully, their legs covered by the blanket. He felt better, having Jisung's legs resting over his lap - like he was safe. Like he was home.
Hyunjin had been in his apartment for almost two months, and he was falling into a very comfortable pattern. He would wake up early to make himself breakfast before going to lower layers of the building where the studios were. He spent an hour or two warming up before his students arrived - He may have been biased, but they were the cutest group of eight year olds in the world, and Hyunjin was absolutely weak for each and every one of them - before taking a break for lunch, then going to his own lessons. Afterwards he ran up to his apartment, showered and got changed, then took the short walk over to Jisung’s.
It had gotten to the point where they just left the front door open for him, knowing he would be there around the same time every day. On the days he had off from his program, he and Jisung lounged around his apartment, cuddling and cooking and watching movies and never actually talking about the way they seemed to dance around each other.
Occasionally some of the others would go with Jisung, and they would turn Hyunjin’s apartment into a warzone of blankets and pillows. Those days were exhausting, but left Hyunjin glowing happily afterwards.
And sometimes, Hyunjin found his social battery being drained. He had texted Jisung earlier that day and said he was just going to stay in, maybe take a nap. He was just so tired, and he didn’t know why. Maybe he had just been pushing himself too much recently - dancing five hours a day, then spending time surrounded by high energy boys...
He just wanted to go to sleep, but it was only four in the afternoon - far too early to go to bed for the night, but too late to take a nap if he ever wanted to sleep later that night.
Maybe he would just... rest his eyes for a few minutes...
His bed was just so soft and welcoming and... way too big and empty. Maybe he could text Jisung and ask him to come over to cuddle. If anyone could help recharged his battery, it was Jisung, but he just couldn’t bring himself to roll over and grab his phone.
He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, the sound of the front door opening was making him jolt awake. He sleepily sat up and looked over towards the door, rubbing his eyes to try to get rid of the blurriness.
“Jinnie?”
“Sung?” His voice was rough from sleep. “You good?”
Jisung didn’t say anything. He walked across the small apartment and instantly crawled into bed next to Hyunjin, hiding under the covers and curling into the taller boy’s side, as if trying to make himself as small as possible.
“What’s wrong babe?” Hyunjin asked, rubbing Jisung’s back comfortingly. After two years of being friends, Hyunjin knew which pet names Jisung adored, and after two months of living around the corner from one another, Hyunjin knew exactly what kind of touches Jisung needed when he got overwhelmed.
“Found my old journal,” He whispered after a moment. Hyunjin stayed quiet, giving his friend all the time he needed to gather his thoughts. “I read some of the entries... and found my letter from last year...” He didn’t need to elaborate for Hyunjin to know he was talking about the suicide note. “ I don’t know why I let it get to me. It was so long ago, but it made my chest so tight and I thought I was going to throw up. Channie hyung noticed something was up and tried to ask me what was wrong but I just- the thought of talking to anyone but you made everything worse...”
“You’re okay love,” Hyunjin murmured, holding Jisung closer. “I’m always going to be here for you.”
“Jinnie?”
“Mm?”
“Can you distract me? Please?” There was a note of desperation to Jisung’s words, and Hyunjin knew in that moment that he would do anything for the smaller boy.
Without a second thought, Hyunjin leaned in and kissed Jisung, pressing his lips to his friend’s firmly. Jisung didn’t hesitate to open his mouth, gently urging Hyunjin to lick along his teeth and tongue.
With a happy sigh Hyunjin deepened the kiss, pulling Jisung onto his lap. Jisung instantly wrapped his arms around his neck, grinding down as he let out a quiet moan. It built a fire in Hyunjin’s blood in a way he had never really experienced - he had felt lust, obviously, and understood why sex was so fun, but there was something about his best friend wiggling on his lap to make him moan that was so... different.
“Jinnie...” Jisung whimpered as Hyunjin kissed down his throat, tensing as he felt teeth against his skin. Hyunjin hummed as he sucked a dark mark into Jisung’s neck - they had been friends long enough that he knew all of Jisung’s kinks and fantasies, and vise versa. He had jokes at one point, about how fun it would be to date one another, but that was back before there was ever an actual chance to meet in person.
“So gorgeous...” He found himself murmuring, almost helpless to Jisung’s whims. He couldn’t bring himself to deny the smaller boy anything, despite how tired he was. Each whimper and moan spurred Hyunjin on, wanting to draw more and more of those pretty sounds out of his friend’s kiss swollen lips.
Jisung threw their clothes somewhere across the apartment, leaving them both in just their underwear, but Hyunjin didn’t feel awkward, or uncomfortable. Just like everything else, being with Jisung felt as natural as breathing.
He ran a thumb over Jisung’s thigh, tracing the fading scars. Jisung had been clean from self harm for almost fives months. Jisung did the same, running his hands across the faint lines that covered Hyunjin’s stomach. Hyunjin had been clean from self harm for almost a year.
Neither boy would have made it that far without the other, and it scared Hyunjin a little, how perfectly they seemed to fit against one another. Everything good always seemed to crumble under his fingers, but Jisung was the one good thing that never left - the one good thing he could always count on being there for him.
Did he ever think he would be in this situation? Absolutely not. Has he daydreamed here and there about what it would be like to date Jisung, the one person in the entire world that really seemed to understand him?
Probably more times than he would ever admit.
Did he want to sleep with Jisung? He wasn’t sure.
Would he say no, if Jisung asked to fuck? He absolutely wouldn’t.
He had never been good at telling Jisung no.