Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“It’s worth it.”

Ellie punched the air in victory, but then immediately regretted the move as a sharp jolt of pain ran up her back. “Fuuuck,” she exhaled as she heavily flopped onto the sandy dune overlooking the ocean.

Dina chuckled as she gracefully sat down beside her. “You gotta be more careful, babe. We’re not as young as we used to be.”

“We’re forty, not four-hundred,” Ellie said in protest, although she couldn’t help but rub at her aching back.

“Your wrinkles suggest otherwise.”

Ellie turned to look at her wife, mouth open in mock outrage. “Okay, fucking rude! Especially considering that you’re the reason behind most of them.”

Dina laughed again. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she said, using her knuckle to lift Ellie’s chin and gently close her mouth. She leaned over and gave Ellie a chaste kiss — it probably would have gone for longer, but Ellie winced against her lips as she felt her back twinge again.

They separated, and Dina looked at her sympathetically. “Do you need a hand?”

Ellie sighed and dropped her head forward. “Please.”

Dina scooted closer and smoothed her hand across Ellie’s back. “Where?”

“I think it’s that fucking pinched nerve again,” Ellie mumbled, exhaling in a shaky breath as Dina walked her fingers over to the problematic part of her spine. “There. Right there…” she trailed off and closed her eyes as Dina started to work the area.

“How long has it been now?”

“Hmm?” Ellie hummed, keeping her eyes closed.

“Since Japan threw you,” Dina clarified.

Ellie wrinkled her brow in thought. “Uh, three years? I think. Jay hadn’t left home yet, so it must have been at least three.”

“I miss him.”

“Who, Jay?” Ellie asked with a chuckle, opening her eyes to look at Dina.

“Yes Ellie,” Dina responded, deadpan. “I miss our son, who we still see every other day even after he moved in with Penny.”

“Well, it’s been almost a month since we’ve seen him because of this trip,” Ellie pointed out.

Dina pursed her lips. “True. I was obviously talking about Japan, but...fine. I miss Jay too.”

The corner of Ellie’s mouth quirked up. “We’ll be back in Jackson before you know it, Di. Don’t worry.” Her smile grew wider as the ache in her back finally settled down, thanks to Dina’s skillful fingers. She reached behind her for Dina’s hand and drew it into her lap. “What would I do without you?”

“Be miserable, probably.”

Ellie snorted. “You’re not wrong.”

They sat and took in the view of the ocean. Ellie absent-mindedly played with Dina’s hand in her lap, gently running her fingers up and down the familiar knuckles. Besides the occasional plink of metal on metal as their wedding bands bumped against each other — Dina’s on her left ring finger, Ellie’s on her left middle finger — there was only the sound of the far-off waves crashing against the mainland.

“Can I be honest?” Ellie said eventually, breaking the silence as she turned to face Dina.

She felt Dina turn her hand over and lace their fingers together. Even for Ellie’s partially missing fingers, her stubs fit perfectly between Dina’s knuckles.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Dina said cheekily, not looking away from the water.

When Ellie lightly bumped her shoulder, Dina chuckled and turned to face her. “Of course you can, stupid.”

Ellie smiled at her, but then dropped her gaze. She stared at the old hamsa bracelet on her wrist. She had replaced the original strap the previous summer, after years of cracking had finally caused the leather to split. The charm had also tarnished with age, but the bracelet still held as much meaning now as it had when Dina first gave it to her, all those years ago.

Ellie looked up. “I...I wasn’t sure if you’d say yes when I asked you to come here with me.”

Dina cocked her head to the side. “Why?”

Ellie’s breath hitched. “You know why.”

Dina’s eyes slid back towards the ocean. “I do,” she said eventually. “I’m glad I did, though.”

“I’m glad you did, too.”

Dina slowly unlaced her shoes and pulled them off, followed by her socks. She wiggled her toes into the sand and let out a sigh. “Even after seeing pictures of the ocean…” she paused and pressed her lips together, as if she wasn’t sure whether or not to say more. But then she took a deep breath and continued. “...even when you described it to me, and showed me the drawing in your journal…I still wasn’t expecting this.”

Ellie smiled again and leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees. Her days in Boston were a far-off memory, but she still remembered the mornings when she was up early enough to see the sun rise over the docks. Those mornings had had a beauty in and of their own, but nothing quite compared to watching a Californian sunset.

Ellie looked over her shoulder at her wife. “Maybe it’s not what you expected, but...is it everything you hoped for?”

Dina leaned back on her hands, closing her eyes as she arched her back in a pleasant-looking stretch. Then she looked at Ellie with a smile, her eyes half-lidded to shield against the light from the setting sun. “Everything...and more.”

Chapter Text

“Everything and more!” JJ exclaimed. “What’s left for me to find out for myself?!”

“Well, that’s being a bit overdramatic, don’t you think, Spud?”

Dina watched on in secret from between the staircase bannisters. Ellie stood between their son and the front door, her arms crossed and her feet firmly planted.

“You and ma never let me do anything!” JJ continued passionately, waving the badly-packed rucksack in his hand around like it was helping make his point. “You just do everything for me, give everything to me, without thinking if I even want it!”

Ellie raised an eyebrow as his slingshot fell out of an open zipper and clattered to the ground.

“Well clearly we haven’t given you everything,” Ellie started evenly. “You could do with a bit more common sense, I think.”

“Moooom,” JJ groaned, “stop being a smartass.”

Dina stifled a giggle as Ellie similarly bit her tongue. Ellie looked like she was about to pull him up on his language, but both Dina and Ellie knew that, despite only being twelve years old, JJ’s foul mouth was already beyond saving. They only had themselves to blame, really. As Ellie herself recently put it: ‘that kid is a fucking sponge.’

JJ still hadn’t noticed that Dina was there watching their exchange, but Ellie caught her eye over his shoulder. “Come on, Spud,” she started in a placating tone as she returned her attention to their son. “It’s the middle of the night, and you’ve got school tomorrow. I think everyone needs to go back to bed.”

JJ shook his head and made a move for the door, but Ellie shifted her stance to get in his way again. When JJ threw his arms up in frustration, Ellie’s hand shot out and hooked one of the straps of his backpack. Before JJ could snatch it back, Ellie pulled it to her chest and unzipped the main compartment.

“So what was your plan, exactly?” she asked as she pulled out the first few things she came across: a couple of apples, a bottle of water, and — Dina raised the back of her hand to her mouth to stop herself from saying an audible ‘aw’ — Ollie, JJ’s favourite and well-loved toy elephant.

“I wasn’t going to go far,” JJ grumbled, scuffing his shoes on the floor. “I was just going to go outside Jackson for a few hours.” He curled his hands into fists. “To prove to you that I could. I’m not scared, mom.”

Ellie sighed as she returned JJ’s things to his backpack, bending with a quiet groan to retrieve his slingshot too. However, rather than placing the packed bag in his waiting hand, she slung it over her own shoulder. “Bud, you never have to prove anything to me. You’re awesome...you know that, right?”

Although JJ’s back was facing Dina, she could tell that he was giving his mom the biggest eye roll ever.

“JJ,” Ellie said, her tone slightly firmer now, “you also know that you’re not allowed to leave Jackson alone. It’s dangerous out there.”

“But that’s exactly what you and ma were doing when you were my age!” JJ exclaimed as he crossed his arms tightly across his body.

“That wasn’t our choice, JJ.”

“Well, this is mine,” JJ shot back hotly.

Dina sighed. The discussion was getting louder, and it was the middle of the night. If they went on for much longer, it would surely disturb their neighbours. It was time to intervene.

“What’s going on here?” Dina asked as she rose from where she had been sitting on the stairs.

“Ma?!” JJ asked, the surprise clear in his voice. His head whipped around to watch his mother calmly descend the last few steps. When she went to stand beside Ellie, further blocking the front door, she could see how red his cheeks had gotten.

“Our son has decided he doesn’t need us anymore,” Ellie explained with a shrug.

Dina raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“It’s not like that!” JJ objected as he stuck his bottom lip out, the textbook example of a petulant child. “I…” He faltered slightly, then regained his composure. “I just want you to stop treating me like a kid.”

Ellie crossed her arms. “What, do you want me to treat you like a potato instead? I don’t think it’s good parenting for someone to bury their child in the yard and wait for them to sprout.”

Dina lay a hand on Ellie’s elbow. The way Ellie tended to default to humour was usually endearing, but not for this particular situation. Their son could have easily gotten himself killed.

“JJ,” Dina started in an even voice, “we treat you like a kid because you are a kid. We always try to love you and support you, but what on earth were you thinking?!” She crouched slightly so she was looking him in the eyes. “What you just tried to do was so dangerous, and so stupid…”

Dina paused, unsure if she should deliver the parenting version of the killing blow. But then, even the idea of her son outside of Jackson’s walls, defenceless and all alone, was enough to make her shiver in fear. “I’m very disappointed in you.”

JJ audibly gulped and looked down at his shoes. Dina’s heart clenched as she heard him let out a few sniffles, his face hidden behind his mop of shaggy hair. “I’m sorry, mama,” he eventually managed to get out with a wobbly voice.

As Dina straightened up, she felt Ellie slip a hand into hers. Her three fingers curled around her palm in a reassuring squeeze, and she leaned over to hover her lips just beside Dina’s ear.

“Do you remember Operation Midnight Thunder?” Ellie said under her breath.

Dina raised an eyebrow, casting her mind back to the weird names Ellie used to give to the silly things they did together, back when they themselves were kids growing up in Jackson. When that particular memory resurfaced, Dina nodded her understanding.

“I don’t think we’re going to get any more sleep tonight,” Ellie continued in a whisper. “I’ll get him, you bring the reinforcements.”

The corner of Dina’s mouth turned up as Ellie moved away. Ellie stepped towards JJ, who did not object as she gently picked him up in her arms. As he wrapped his legs around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder, Dina could see his teary eyes watching her through his messy fringe.

Dina held their eye contact until Ellie had carried him upstairs, then stepped into the kitchen to prepare the requested reinforcements.

---

Dina’s hands were nice and warm, thanks to the three mugs — two with hot cocoa, and one with coffee — that she brought upstairs with her. When she entered JJ’s room, she could see that her son was sitting on his bed, while Ellie was standing by the open window.

JJ’s rucksack was sitting on his desk, now unpacked. Dina shifted her attention to JJ’s bed, and saw that Ollie was back at his usual place on top of the pillow. When she moved her gaze again — this time to her son — she could see that JJ wasn’t crying anymore, but he was staring at his shoes as he gently swung his legs back and forth.

Ellie gave Dina a brief nod, then turned to JJ as well. “You know,” Ellie started as she ran her hand along the windowsill, “this used to be your mama’s room when she was younger. I used to climb up onto her roof and sneak in through this very window.”

Despite JJ’s mood, he looked up at Ellie with a wrinkled nose. “Ew, mom,” he said. His voice wavered slightly, but he sounded much calmer than he had been during the confrontation downstairs. “I don’t want to hear about that stuff.”

Dina chuckled and moved further into the room. “Your mom and I were just friends back then, honey.” She gave Ellie a pointed look. “Although, she was already an idiot. I lived alone — she didn’t need to sneak in, she could have walked right in through the front door.”

“Yeah, but my way was more fun,” Ellie said with a chuckle as she took the mugs out of Dina’s hands and placed them on JJ’s desk. “You go first, then I’ll pass him to you.”

JJ looked between his two mothers in confusion. “Pass me where?”

Dina stepped towards him and dropped a light kiss on his head, then moved to stand by the window. In one graceful movement, she swung her leg over the windowsill, then shimmied it down so she felt her foot touch a slate roof tile. She transferred her weight onto that foot and slid down, her back against the wall, until she could drop down onto the pitched roof below her window.

“Alright, send him down.”

A few seconds later, JJ appeared at the window. He still looked slightly confused, but he mainly looked excited at the unexpected turn of events. With Ellie and Dina working together, it wasn’t long before he was standing on the roof too.

Ellie disappeared for a moment before returning with the mugs, and carefully passed them down to Dina before she herself climbed out the window and onto the roof.

Ellie looked up at the window, then back at JJ. “Oh, uh...this is another thing you’re only allowed to do when we’re with you, okay?”

JJ nodded enthusiastically, then followed behind her as she carefully scaled the side of the roof. When the three of them reached the top, Dina and Ellie sat down, and gestured for JJ to sit between them.

Dina distributed the mugs — the one with coffee stayed with her, while the other two went to Ellie and JJ — and chuckled lightly as JJ frowned at his drink. “Adults drink it too, you know.”

As if on cue, Ellie took a large sip from her mug of cocoa, then lowered it from her lips with a satisfying sigh. When she turned to look at them, Dina could see that she was sporting a rather impressive foam moustache.

“What?” Ellie asked innocently as both Dina and JJ started to giggle. “Do I have something on my face?”

Ellie joined in on the laughter, then wiped her mouth on her sleeve.

They drank in silence for a couple of minutes as they took in the view of Jackson. JJ was the first to speak.

“I’m sorry,” he started quietly. “I shouldn’t have tried to run away. Even if it was for just a little bit.”

Dina gently looped her arm around his shoulders. “Why did you think you needed to do that in the first place?” she asked carefully.

JJ pressed his lips together and ran his hand through his hair.

You’re so much like your dad, Dina thought as she watched the familiar motion.

“By the time you were my age, you had already done so many cool things.” JJ swung his head to look at his moms sitting on either side of him. “Both of you.”

“I wouldn’t say any of that stuff was cool, bud,” Ellie said gently. She balanced her mug between two of the slate roof tiles so she could wrap her arms around JJ’s small form. “It mostly sucked, actually.”

Dina hummed as she took another sip of her coffee. She ran her free hand along JJ’s back in a soothing motion. “We did what we had to do,” she said in agreement. “I’m sorry if sometimes it feels like we’re making decisions for you...we’ll be better at talking to you about this stuff, right Ellie?—” A confirmatory nod from her wife gave Dina the confidence to continue. “—but, even if I had one wish, it would be that you wouldn’t have to ever do anything like what we had to do. It might seem confusing sometimes, but we’re doing what’s best for you, yeah?”

JJ sniffed quietly, then nodded. “I get it...I think.”

Dina smiled and pulled both him and Ellie closer.

Together, they watched as the sun rose over Jackson.

Dina looked down at her son, whose calm and peaceful expression was bathed in the soft dawn light.

“Thank you, JJ.”

Chapter Text

“Thank you, JJ,” Dina said, voice dripping with sarcasm, as he deposited another strawberry jam handprint on her jeans on his way past her legs. At the moment, she was serving as the lap counter for the race track he had built in his mind, which in reality was a loop of the first floor of Jesse’s parents’ house.

She watched as he raced around the kitchen island. Next, he’d weave between the legs of the dining room table, then it was a straight shot down the hallway into the living room, where he’d do a right hook-turn around the armchair, tag Dina where she was standing by the couch, and then start the whole route all over again.

Oh, and of course, he was doing this circuit stark naked, his diaper on his head and without a care in the world.

I am a great parent.

JJ cleared the kitchen island, then Dina lost the visual on her son as he charged into the dining room.

It was still easy to hear him, though.

“Ma! Ma!” he yelled with glee — having only mastered his first word a few days ago, he hadn’t yet grown tired of it.

Dina sighed and sat down heavily on the couch. When she could hear him barrelling down the hallway, she stuck her arm straight out. Moments later, JJ raced through the gap between her and the coffee table, and she managed to scoop him up in her arms before he could start on another lap.

“Gotcha!”

“Maaaaa,” JJ whined in protest, dragging the word out as Dina lay him on his back along her thighs.

“Hold still, goober,” Dina murmured as she swiftly returned his diaper to its original location. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her palms and used them to clean sticky jam residue from JJ’s hands. Jesse’s parents were kind people, and they loved their grandson, but Dina wanted to avoid getting jam hand-prints all over their furniture wherever she could manage it.

And besides, with her jeans already compromised, she figured that she might as well wash her whole outfit.

“Ma ma ma ma ma,” JJ continued, now in a slightly happier tone, as Dina waved his chubby legs around in the air. He giggled when she gave his feet a gentle tickle.

“Yes, honey. Mama saw, mama saw,” she cooed, bending down to blow a raspberry on his stomach.

JJ squealed in delight and tried to wiggle out of reach, so Dina hooked her hands under his armpits and lifted him up above her head. “Mama saw you being a real troublemaker!” she exclaimed, raising her voice slightly to be heard over JJ’s peals of laughter.

After Dina held him aloft for a few seconds, she returned him to her lap and kissed the top of his head.

“You look more and more like your dad every day,” Dina whispered as she nuzzled his wild hair. When she pulled back, she could see that JJ was pulling a silly face. “Although, right now, you’re acting more like your mom.”

The comment slipped out before Dina even had a chance to register what she had said. But when she did, her face fell.

It had been like this, on and off, for the year since Ellie had left the farm. Dina would be caring for JJ, or helping Robin out with housework, or even just walking around Jackson, when a memory of Ellie would come out of nowhere and wreck her.

And yet, they weren’t like all the times that Dina helped pull Ellie out of her head. Those times had scared the shit out of Dina, largely because they would start so quickly: the time a carelessly bumped glass smashed to the floor; or when they were still living in Jackson, and a neighbour’s dog started barking; or when Dina accidentally cut her finger while chopping vegetables, and Ellie saw the blood; or when Dina hadn’t seen the trigger, but had sprinted to the barn when she heard heart-wrenching screams coming from inside, only moments after Ellie had finished bringing in the last sheep...from one instant to the next, Ellie would be gone, and Dina would have to drop everything so she could bring her back.

It wasn’t like that for Dina. Her hurt was more of a gentle, creeping, slow kind of hurt.

A kind of hurt that she didn’t even realise was there until it overwhelmed her.

A kind of hurt that felt like someone was draping a blanket over her shoulders — something she should be thankful for — but when she went to pull it tighter around her, she realised that it was full of like...spiders. Or something.

Dina frowned.

I need to work on that metaphor.

...Is that what a metaphor is?

Her frown deepened.

Whatever. Fuck, Ellie knew a lot more about this sort of stuff.

Dina shivered and held JJ close to her chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” she murmured, at this point unsure if the words were to soothe JJ or herself. By the cautious burbling sounds coming from him, she could tell that her son had definitely sensed the change in her mood.

She stayed there, slowly rocking him for a few moments, as she tried to collect itself.

For fuck’s sake, Dina. It’s been a year. Get. Your. Shit. Together.

Dina gently ran her fingers up JJ’s back and through his hair, trying desperately to ground herself in the moment and stay in the present with her son. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry, JJ.”

Her next thought was of Eugene, of all people.

Eugene had a saying — the way someone his age tended to accumulate a lot of sayings over the years — about certain people: ‘Where they go, trouble follows. Mark my words, Dina,’ he would say gruffly, stroking his beard for the extra dramatic effect.

It certainly didn’t take long for Dina to find out that Ellie was one of those people.

Ellie had been living in Jackson for less than a month when it had happened.They had been assigned to chicken duty together: tossing scratch around the communal chicken coop, clearing out their shit, collecting eggs, mending holes in the fence to deter hungry foxes that stole into Jackson in the middle of the night. The whole shebang.

And then, someone forgot to close the gate when they took a break for lunch.

By the time they returned, Jackson’s flock of chickens had dispersed out in every direction from their coop, across two blocks-worth of sidewalks and backyards. It had taken them the whole afternoon to round up all the chickens and bring them home.

Dina sighed, pressed a soft kiss into JJ’s forehead, and looked up at the ceiling.

There were no answers written up there for her.

The audacity.

She looked down again.

The worst part was that she couldn’t even be mad at Ellie about this. Because who’s to say what started first? Did Ellie always find trouble, or was trouble always looking for her?

It was yet another of those Eugene sayings: ‘What came first? The chicken, or the egg?’

There was also more to the same memory. Because that very causality dilemma had come up on the day of the Great Chicken Incident.

Dina had just finished carrying her millionth protesting bird back to its home, and was about to pick up her million-and-first one. However, she had neglected to see that the poor girl had been in the middle of laying right as she reached down for it.

One indignant squawk and two scratch-covered arms later, Dina found herself having to ferry both a chicken and an egg back to the coop.

Of course, Ellie had seen the whole thing. Dina had tried to save face with the off-hand comment — ‘Important science happening over here. I’m running an experiment to figure out which one came first’ — but Ellie had simply given her one of those ‘isn’t it obvious?’-type looks in response.

‘Alright, smartass,’ Dina remembered saying after she had dropped both off, ‘which one’s first, then?’

‘The egg,’ Ellie had answered without hesitation. Then she had grinned. ‘Gallus gallus domesticus is like 8,000 years old, max. I dunno if you’ve heard about these things called, uh, dinosaurs? But I’m pretty sure they were laying eggs way before that.’

Dina sighed and ran a hand down JJ’s back. The room was fairly warm, but she knew she’d have to dress him soon. She had just done the laundry, so his favourite onesie — one with a big truck on the front — would be clean.

Dina didn’t notice when JJ got out of his dinosaur phase. All she remembered was one day, she realised that he no longer fussed when she didn’t dress him in the onesie with multicoloured dinosaurs printed all over it. It had been his favourite for so long, until one day, it wasn’t.

Dina swallowed and stood up, resting JJ on her hip. She slowly walked upstairs and into the bedroom that she was living in.

She didn’t want to refer to it as ‘her bedroom’, because it actually used to be Jesse’s bedroom.

But she didn’t want to refer to it like that, either.

Dina sighed once more and lay her son down on the changing table.

He watched her with his big, curious eyes as she moved to the basket full of clean clothes she had left on the bed. She rifled around inside, eventually finding the onesie with the truck on it and returned to the changing table.

As she gently pulled his legs through the onesie, she heard a quiet knock at the front door.

Dina frowned. Jesse’s parents would have just walked right in. She couldn’t think of a reason why someone would be knocking.

“One minute!” she called out. She’d quickly finish dressing JJ, and then see who it was.

“Almost, almost,” she murmured. There was only one arm left to go. She reached for it, but JJ waved it out of reach. “Almost there, honey. Please. Hold still.”

Chapter Text

"Hold still," Allenby told Randolph, "till we know what's up."

Allenby made an interrogative sound at the chief. The chief squeaked and pointed at the ground. We looked. He was pointing at his shadow.

Randolph stirred uncom—FOOT!

Ellie’s internal reading voice was interrupted, mid-word, as a large foot suddenly appeared on top of her open book.

Ellie slowly raised her eyes to the other end of the couch. “Can I help you?”

Dina was lying back, her head on the armrest. One arm was draped protectively over her rounded belly, while the other was dramatically flung across her face. “They really hurt,” she whined as she wiggled the toes of the foot in Ellie’s lap.

Ellie chuckled and lifted Dina’s foot up to slide the book out from under it. She leaned forward to place the book on their coffee table, then turned so she was sitting cross-legged on the couch. She looked up at her poor girlfriend.

“The swelling again?”

Dina nodded and dropped her arm away from her face. “This is bullshit,” she grumbled. “I’m growing a bona fide human being in here, how is that not enough already? Why does the rest of my body need to get in on the horror show?”

Ellie smiled. “Come on babe, it’s not all bad. Like, the boobs are nice…”

“Excuse me, what was wrong with my boobs before?”

“Nothing!” Ellie corrected herself quickly. “They were awesome before, and now they’re like...even awesome-r.”

“Humph. Nice save.”

Ellie laughed as she gently wrapped her hands around Dina’s foot. She firmly ran her thumb along the arch, noting just how swollen it was. Dina certainly wasn’t exaggerating.

“That feels so fucking good.”

“Have you been doing the stretches?”

“Of course I’ve been doing the stretches.”

Ellie raised an eyebrow.

“I have!” Dina insisted. “I did them just before! While I was knitting.”

“Di, last time you knitted was like a week ago.”

“What are you, the knitting police?”

Ellie’s second eyebrow joined her first one.

“Okaaaaaay...maybe I should do them more often,” Dina said, her scrunched nose signalling her acknowledgement that she had been caught red-handed.

Ellie hummed her agreement as she continued to tend to Dina’s aching ligaments. During their most recent visit to Jackson for a check-up, the doctor had recommended a series of stretches for Dina when she was feeling particularly sore. Of course, Ellie’s first preference was for Dina to actually do them...but truthfully, she didn’t mind giving Dina a massage either.

Dina exhaled deeply as she settled further into the couch cushions. “So fucking good...” she repeated in a breathy voice, her eyes fluttering closed as Ellie dug her thumb into a spot that felt particularly tense. “Can you do the other one too?”

“Mmhmm,” Ellie confirmed as she reached for Dina’s other leg splayed out on the couch, bringing it into her lap to join the first one.

Dina had insisted they do all the work preparing the farmhouse together, and had indeed kept up with Ellie so far: they had already repaired the fence, herded the animals over from Jackson, and brought furniture into the farmhouse that they now called home.

However, even Dina at her most stubborn couldn’t deny that some tasks were out of her reach, now that she was well into her third trimester. As Ellie started on the new foot, she made a mental note to take over a few more of the intense jobs from that point on.

“How do they look?”

Dina’s question broke Ellie out of her musings. “Hmm?”

“My toes,” Dina clarified. She craned her neck to look over her rounded belly and give Ellie a dopey smile. “I haven’t been able to see them for a while now.”

The corner of Ellie’s mouth turned up. “All present and accounted for.”

“Good,” Dina said, letting out a pleasant groan as Ellie worked out a knot in the ball of her foot. “Fuck, you’re so good at this.”

“Don’t get any ideas. If you don’t do the stretches just so I give you more massages, I’ll know.”

Dina gave her a toothy grin. “Hey, I only have a few more weeks left. Why can’t I make the most of this?”

Ellie’s breath caught in her throat. Dina’s due date had felt like a vague nebulous thing for so long. Having to adjust to thinking of it as something in their imminent future was still...hard.

Dina must have sensed the shift in her mood. “Do...do you feel ready?” she asked cautiously.

Ellie inhaled deeply, then looked into Dina’s eyes. “Not really,” she said eventually.

Dina nodded. “People keep saying that I’ll know what to do as soon as they’re in my arms, but...I don’t feel ready either,” she confessed meekly.

Ellie couldn’t help but laugh. “This kid is so fucked.”

Dina snorted in reply. “Totally doomed.”

Ellie slid her hands up Dina’s calves and gently squeezed. “Back now?”

Dina beamed and nodded. “Please.”

It took a few moments of strategic maneuvering, but eventually Ellie was tucked in behind Dina and moving her hands around Dina’s back in firm, practiced movements.

Dina let out a groan as she flopped her head back to rest on Ellie’s shoulder. “I swear, I need like...ten of you doing this on a non-stop rotation.”

“There’s only one Ellie in this world, I’m sorry to say,” Ellie said lightly as she kissed Dina’s temple.

“Damn,” Dina replied. “At least I have the one that does exist all for myself, then,” she added with a smile. She closed her eyes, her face taking on a look of total bliss as Ellie found a particularly tense muscle in her lower back and methodically worked it loose.

Ellie was happy to continue tending to Dina in silence, but it seemed like she was still in a talkative mood.

“It’ll be one-point-five soon, at least.”

Ellie looked down, puzzled. “One-point-five?”

Dina’s eyes stayed closed, but Ellie could see her slide her hands down until they were resting over her belly. “You...plus half of this thing.”

Ellie smiled. It wasn’t the first time Dina had made a comment like that. Of course, she knew that biologically, the child in Dina’s belly had nothing to do with her. But the way that Dina constantly slipped those sorts of things into conversation had undeniably rubbed off onto Ellie. Even without seeing the thing, Ellie already felt the gentle tug of parenthood connecting her to their unborn child — perhaps not a fifty-fifty split like Dina was suggesting, but it was definitely there.

“It’s weird,” Dina added, “I’m not ready...but I also can’t wait.”

Ellie looped her arms around Dina and pulled her close. “Same,” she whispered as she nuzzled into Dina’s hair. “Holy shit, we’re going to be a fucking family, Di. I’ve got no idea how, but...we’ll get through it together.”

Chapter Text

‘We’ll get through it together.’

That’s what Ellie had said a few weeks ago, when Dina had finally worked up the courage to tell her that the date of Talia’s death was approaching.

It was always an emotional day for her, and she usually spent the day of mourning in bed, wrapped up in a blanket and cradling a mug of herbal tea. This being Dina’s third year on the patrol board, Maria was well aware of her needing the time off, and hadn’t scheduled her for any routes that day.

But this was the first time that anyone in Jackson actually knew the story behind the day. Dina remembered that after she had told her, Ellie had gone quiet. But then, she had cautiously offered to join Dina and have a quiet day in. Dina had easily agreed to the plan, and that had been the end of the conversation.

And yet, when the day actually arrived, where was her best friend? Nowhere to be fucking seen.

Dina resisted the urge to look out the window again. She hadn’t seen Ellie for the past few days, but that wasn’t unheard of. Their patrols kept them busy, and while they did spend a lot of their free time together, sometimes the schedule meant that they would go several days without seeing each other.

Even so, Dina had — naively, she supposed — expected Ellie to be there for her.

Ellie had promised that she would be there for her.

If nothing else, the anger that Dina was feeling was a nice change — usually, overwhelming sorrow was the only thing on the menu for the day. It was that anger that ultimately drove her out of bed and down her stairs, and that gave her the energy to roughly tug on her boots and slam the door on her way out.

---

Ellie wasn’t home.

It took Dina a moment to register the lack of noise or movement from within the converted garage. She had been so sure Ellie had just been an idiot and forgotten the day, which would have been annoying, but forgivable. She hadn’t even considered that Ellie would just not be there.

Dina ran through her mental checklist of Ellie’s usual haunts. She had already crossed off a lot of them earlier, when she had passed through the heart of their town. Ellie hadn’t been at the markets or the trading store, and Dina had even poked her head into the Tipsy Bison on a whim, but hadn’t spotted the usual head of auburn hair anywhere inside the busy restaurant.

While Dina had been the one to ask Maria to give Ellie the day off too, she had even stopped to check the patrol board, just in case Maria had somehow forgotten. But Ellie definitely wasn’t out on a patrol either.

At least Dina was glad that she didn’t have to entertain one thought: whether Ellie was with Cat. Thankfully, on her walk from the patrol station to Ellie’s place, Dina had spotted Cat working in one of the town’s greenhouses. If Ellie had been with her, on today of all days…

Dina blinked, realising that she was gripping the front door handle to Ellie’s place with so much force that it was making her arm shake. She took a deep breath and, with a concerted effort, managed to pry her fingers free from the knob.

The only other place left was Joel’s house. Dina stepped out from under the small awning that shaded Ellie’s front door and turned around. But when she approached the back door to Joel’s place, she could tell that the house was similarly empty.

Where the fuck is she?

Despite the angrily-worded thought, Dina could feel her rapidly losing the energy to keep looking for Ellie. And as the anger started to dissipate, she could feel the usual sorrow starting to worm its way into her head.

She was about to give up and slink back to her house, where at least her faithful blanket and tea would be waiting for her, but there was still one way of maybe finding out where Ellie was.

No-one locked their doors in Jackson, and Dina and Ellie were constantly barging into each other’s houses, so Dina didn’t hesitate to let herself into Ellie’s place.

Dina looked around the small space, searching for any clue as to where Ellie could be. She noted Ellie’s guitar with mild curiosity — unlike the last time she had seen it, it was now sitting on the couch, half-strung. Next to it were a pair of pliers and a plastic sleeve of metal guitar strings.

Dina’s first key clue was that Ellie’s backpack was missing. A quick glance at her desk and the small table by her front door revealed that her gun and switchblade were also gone, suggesting that Ellie was not in Jackson at all.

Dina frowned. Other than patrols, there were few reasons to leave the safety of Jackson’s walls. The only other place she could think of was the lake, and if Ellie had gone there, she definitely would have told Dina.

So where the fuck did she go?

Dina sat down on Ellie’s bed, her frown deepening when she saw the pile of sheets sitting at the end. She had thought her head was full of anger and grief, but somehow, there was enough room for a flicker of worry to appear too.

The last time she had seen Ellie had been a few days ago. They had hung out together, playing video games and talking shit. She remembered that she had looked outside just as the sky opened up and let out a sudden burst of rain. Dina had ended up helping bring in Ellie’s laundry and put everything in order, as the process of folding fitted sheets was still somehow a mystery to Ellie.

The fact that the neatly folded pile of sheets were still there suggested that Ellie hadn’t slept in her bed for the previous three nights.

Dina gripped the edge of the mattress. The flicker of worry was no longer just a flicker.

Did she leave?

Dina shook her head. It was a stupid thought.

Ellie would have said something.

Surely.

She wouldn’t have just left.

Not without saying anything.

She wouldn’t have packed her bag and stolen away in the middle of the night like that.

She would have at least come to Dina to say goodbye.

Dimly, Dina was aware that her heart was pounding against her ribs, so much so that it was almost painful. She could feel the time between her breaths getting shorter and shorter, with each exhale being chased closer and closer by her next inhale. If it continued for much longer, she wasn’t going to be breathing at all.

Dina hadn’t had a panic attack in years. Not since arriving in Jackson. But the time she spent alone, after Talia’s death but before Dina had found her new home, had been riddled with them.

Dina raised a trembling hand to her chest, slipped it under her shirt and pressed it against her clammy skin. She closed her eyes and focused all of her energy into getting the tips of her fingers to draw small circles above her heart.

It was a self-soothing habit that Dina’s mother had taught to her, back when she was young and her sleep had been plagued with night terrors. She’d wake up screaming and thrashing around, and her mom would have to quickly calm her down before she hurt herself.

Dina took as deep a breath as she could manage, forcing air into her lungs and then letting it out in a shuddering exhale. She did that a few more times, and was relieved to feel herself starting to settle down.

Eventually, Dina managed to open her eyes again, and she started to step through one of her mom’s other calming strategies.

Alright Dina, five things you can see.

Her gaze swept Ellie’s bedroom sluggishly.

Flannel, flannel, flannel, flannel, flannel.

Dina managed to chuckle at herself.

Okay, be serious. Clothes hamper, DVD cases, TV, curtains, all those fucking sneakers Ellie wears instead of boots.

Dina took a few more deep breaths.

What was next? Four things I can…

She twisted her lips together.

Touch! Four things I can touch.

With one hand, she gripped the edge of Ellie’s bed again.

Mattress…

She pressed her other hand into Ellie’s soft pillow.

Pillow...

Having exhausted everything tactile within immediate reach, Dina slowly scooted along Ellie’s bed until she reached the top. Her knee gently knocked into the bedside table as she reached out.

Lamp…

Dina ran her hand along the cool ceramic surface before lifting it up higher.

Lampshade.

The contrast between the smooth body of the lamp and the rough, ribbed texture of the lampshade held Dina’s attention well. She took another deep breath.

The next list was a bit harder.

Three things I can hear...it’s pretty quiet though.

Still, Dina diverted her focus to her hearing. Eventually, she could pick up a subtle hum coming from the other room. It was the mini-fridge that Ellie had under her desk.

Fridge, that’s one.

That was the only thing she could hear though. Dina took another breath to steady herself, then stood up. Her legs wobbled for a moment, but then held.

Dina took slow steps out of Ellie’s bedroom, moving towards the couch instead. When she reached it, she bent down and brushed her fingers against Ellie’s half-strung guitar.

Guitar… Dina thought as the gentle hum of the strings faded into silence.

With her ears so finely tuned, Dina registered the sound of a gate latch clicking shut.

Gate? That’ll do.

She hadn’t realised how close the sound had been, but then she saw movement through Ellie’s bedroom window.

Ellie and Joel came into view as they entered his backyard. Dina could see that Ellie was taking firm strides, staring straight ahead, while Joel trailed a few paces behind her with a kicked-puppy expression on his face.

Joel looked like he was about to say something, but then thought better of it. He silently walked to his back door and let himself into his house.

Ellie, meanwhile, headed to her own place. Dina straightened up and faced the door just as she walked in.

Ellie had her backpack with her and was wearing her grey zip-up hoodie. There was a small tape recorder in her hand. Her eyes were red and puffy, a sure sign that she had been crying recently. She did a double-take when she registered Dina’s presence in her house, obviously surprised to see her.

“Dina, what the fuck?”

Chapter Text

“Dina, what the fuck?”

Dina looked up in surprise. Ellie had been having lunch with Joel at Tommy and Maria’s, and had told Dina to meet up at her place at 3pm. But when Ellie says she’ll be somewhere at a certain time, one can almost certainly add an extra hour to it — this was the EST, or Ellie Standard Time, as Dina found herself referring to it.

However, when Dina craned her neck to look at the digital alarm clock sitting on Ellie’s bedside table, she could see that it was 2:55pm.

“Shit, I thought I had more time,” Dina said, flustered. Her face flushed as she watched Ellie take in the mess that Dina had made in her home.

Whoever used to live in Joel’s house had clearly been in the middle of converting the garage when Outbreak Day happened. Joel helped make the space more-or-less livable when Ellie moved in, but to this day, the walls remained unplastered, the floors unsealed, and the pipes in the bathroom exposed.

Dina’s tinkering had certainly not helped improve its unfinished appearance — during the course of the morning, she had methodically pulled out every bit of cabling from the walls, and was in the last stages of rewiring the whole thing. Dina finished inspecting the final circuit she had been working on and left the bundle of wires hanging from the ceiling. She finally stepped down from Ellie’s desk chair that had been serving as her precarious ladder for the past few hours.

Ellie took her time processing the state of her house. “Do I want to know?” She didn’t look mad, at least — just curious.

Dina stepped closer, fiddling with her fingers nervously. “I wanted this to be a surpri—hey don’t touch that!”

Ellie, who had been reaching up for the bundle of wires, withdrew her hand quickly, accompanied by a “Fuck, sorry!”

“They’re live…” Dina paused. “Well, they should be, anyway. If I’ve done what I think I’ve done.”

Ellie kept her hand close to her chest, but raised a curious eyebrow. “What do you think you’ve done?”

“Fixed my fuck-up.”

“Oh shit, for real?” Ellie said, looking around her with renewed appreciation.

Ellie had been pining for a TV for months. In true Ellie fashion, she had swapped for a playstation at the trading store, but she didn’t have an actual TV to use the thing. When Ellie went to Maria about it, she had said that the town didn’t have any spare; it meant that Ellie would have to wait to start patrols, then scavenge for one if she really wanted it.

Dina had overheard the conversation, and decided to try and fix the busted-up one that had been collecting dust at her own house instead. When she had finally finished it a week ago, she brought it over in an old Radio Flyer to show Ellie.

However, when she had plugged it into one of the outlets and flicked the switch, it shat itself in spectacular fashion, creating a shower of sparks and plunging Jackson into a surge blackout.

The mortifying walk to Maria’s house in the moonlight to explain what had happened was still fresh in Dina’s memory.

Thanks to the surge protector installed between the converted garage and the rest of the grid, the town’s engineer managed to restore the power to Jackson without too much trouble. Unfortunately, Ellie’s place had been a different story — the wiring had been completely shot, so even when the town’s power was restored, none of her outlets worked.

When it had happened, Ellie had simply shrugged, borrowed an extension lead, and ran it between Joel’s house and her place. Ellie had insisted that it was fine, but every time Dina visited and saw the mess of cables snaking out from a single powerboard to Ellie’s various appliances, she felt wracked with guilt.

Not to mention, it was a pretty big fucking fire hazard.

An appreciative whistle cut through Dina’s thoughts.

“This must have taken you hours,” Ellie said as she did a loop of her place, taking in the new circuits Dina had set up and neatly cable-tied to the wall studs. “How do you know how to do all this stuff?”

“Well, I don’t, really…” Dina said, feeling her face heat up. “That’s why I messed it up in the first place.”

Ellie laughed in response. “You know what I mean.”

Dina nodded. “Eugene figured out what I had done wrong. Then he gave me some tips, plus all this cabling. It’s insane, because your wiring was fucked, but I’m pretty sure the actual TV itself is still fine.” She nodded again. “It’s going to work this time,” she said confidently.

Ellie moved to her bed and grabbed a pillow. Dina watched her in confusion, until she saw that Ellie was approaching the TV with the pillow held in front of her like a shield. She looked at Dina with a cheeky grin. “I trust you, but just in case.”

Dina pretended to look insulted.

“Hey, you’re the one with live wires sticking out all over the place,” Ellie pointed out, waving to the overhead bundle of cables with her pillow accusingly.

“Well you weren’t meant to be back yet,” Dina replied with a huff. “I just quickly turned on the power to check that one. There wasn’t anything live until now.”

Ellie shrugged in acknowledgement, but still held the pillow up. “Does that mean we can give the TV another go right now?”

Dina nodded and plugged it into the outlet. Despite her earlier confidence, she still held her breath as she turned it on using the remote. There was a tense moment as the TV hummed to life, then Dina sighed in relief as it stayed on a steady blue ‘SEARCHING FOR INPUT’ screen.

“Oh fuck yeah!” Ellie said beside her, already rushing to connect her playstation to the TV and the power, whooping in delight again when the screen switched over to showing the video game’s boot menu. “You did it!”

Dina couldn’t help but mirror Ellie’s ridiculous grin. But when Ellie held out the second controller to her, she shook her head. “I made such a mess in here,” she started, gesturing to the old burnt-out cabling that was piled up around Ellie’s floor, “let me clean up first.”

“Clean later,” Ellie said firmly, “play now.” She took Dina by the shoulders and plonked her down on the couch facing the coffee table. Ellie slipped the disc for some racing game into the console then joined her on the couch. “Come on, one round?”

Dina rolled her eyes, but accepted the controller when Ellie offered it to her again.

“Alright, just one.”

Chapter Text

“Just one.”

Ellie heard Dina shift next to her on the grass.

“Just one what?”

“Earth only has one moon,” Ellie clarified as she pointed up at the celestial body in question. “It’s kinda lame. Like, come on, Jupiter’s got seventy-fucking-nine of them!”

Dina snorted. “How greedy.”

Ellie smiled and continued to stare up at the sky. It was the first time she had taken Dina stargazing, and she was super nervous.

Is she having fun?

Ellie snuck a glance to the side, but it was too dark to properly see Dina’s expression.

Fuck, I hope she’s not bored.

These unhelpful thoughts had plagued Ellie all day. They had gotten so bad that, when evening had finally arrived and she went to collect Dina at her house, she had to hide her hands in her pockets so Dina wouldn’t see them trembling.

At least now, lying on the cool grass with the breathtaking view above her, Ellie felt a bit calmer and more confident.

“I hope that’s not the only space fact you know, though.”

Ellie grinned. Perhaps Dina was enjoying this after all. “Please. I am like the space fucking master.”

Ellie turned her head at the sound of Dina laughing. “I think I need to start a list to keep track of all your titles,” Dina said, holding up her hand to count them off her fingers. “So far we’ve got drawing master, farm rotation master, guitar master, and now space master?”

Ellie nodded. “You’re missing the ‘fuck’s, but close enough,” she said with a smile.

Dina rolled her eyes and returned her gaze to the sky above them. Ellie did the same, and she lay there for a few minutes, taking in the view of the star-filled expanse above her.

“Well, go on then.”

Ellie blinked as Dina’s voice broke the silence. “Go where?”

Dina sighed and shifted closer to Ellie. “Nowhere, stupid,” she said quietly as she slipped her hand into Ellie’s.

Ellie’s breath caught in her throat. Even after spending over a year in Jackson, she still found herself surprised by how touchy-feely her best friend was.

“You’re not going anywhere, especially after you just left me,” Dina continued, a note of humour layered into her voice.

It was Ellie’s turn to roll her eyes. “Now there’s a title for you: Drama Queen. I was literally gone for a week.”

Dina shrugged. “That’s a whole week of Ellie that I need to catch up on. You owe me, big time.”

Ellie chuckled under her breath. “Do you accept puns as repayment?”

“No more fucking puns, I’m begging you,” Dina said with a groan.

“Alright, what then?”

“Space stuff,” Dina said simply. “That’s what your trip was for, wasn’t it? You told me that you saw some space stuff.”

Ellie scoffed. “You saw some space stuff,” she echoed incredulously. “Talk about the understatement of the year, fuck.”

Dina laughed again. “Well, go on then,” she repeated, squeezing Ellie’s hand gently.

Ellie closed her eyes to better picture her memories of the Wyoming Museum of Science and History. It didn’t take long for her to see the rover, the orrery, the re-entry capsule, and the model rockets as if she was still standing in front of them.

“There were these rockets…” Ellie started slowly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ellie confirmed, keeping her eyes closed. “Saturn V was my favourite — it’s the one that launched Apollo 11 and got us to the Moon.”

“How far have we gone?”

“Into space?”

“Mmhmm.”

Ellie screwed up her face in thought. Eventually, she landed on the answer of Apollo 13 — reading about the dramatic mission never failed to give her the shivers, but their emergency loop around the Moon to return to Earth did mean that the three astronauts had the record for the furthest distance from earth.

“About 250,000 miles.”

“Wow, that sounds far.”

“Just to the Moon and back.”

Ellie heard Dina shift her position slightly. When she opened her eyes and lolled her head to the side, she saw that Dina was looking at her with surprise.

“No way. The Moon is that far away?”

Ellie shrugged. “Space is big. Really big.” She lifted her free hand up and used it to draw a circle in the air above her. “When astronauts get up there, they get this thing called the, uh...overview effect. They look back down at Earth and...all of the shit that doesn’t really matter just...falls away. They realise what’s actually important in life.”

Dina hummed in thought. Ellie could feel her idly play with the fingers of their linked hands.

“Must be scary to have that realisation while they’re up there. All alone…”

Ellie frowned slightly. She didn’t really see it that way. “Peaceful, though.”

“True,” Dina replied, scooting even closer and resting her head on Ellie’s shoulder.

Ellie focused on keeping her breathing steady. “Is all of this space not enough for you?” she asked lightly as she gestured vaguely around them.

“All of space-space isn’t enough for me,” Dina answered evenly. “Keep talking. I told you, I have a lot of Ellie to catch up on.”

Ellie swallowed. “O—okay then.” She took a deep breath. “Well...if 250,000 miles is impressive, you’re going to lose your fucking mind when I tell you about Voyager 1.”

Ellie could feel a puff of warm breath on her chest as Dina let out a chuckle. “Oh brother. Alright, tell me about Voyager 1.”

“It was one of the probes NASA launched into space back in the 1970s. Like, they stuck it on a rocket, pointed it up at the sky, and said ‘see ya later, dude’.”

“I feel like you’re skipping over some crucial science there.”

“Nah, that’s all the important stuff.”

It was Ellie’s turn to chuckle as Dina lightly headbutted her shoulder. “Anyway,” she continued, “in the 90s, it was so far out that it could turn its camera around and take a family portrait of the Solar System. That’s when they got this really cool ‘pale blue dot’ picture of Earth.”

“Did it come back after that?”

“What? No. It’s travelling at like 10 miles per second. No way to turn that sucker around.”

“It is travelling that fast?” Dina queried, putting emphasis on the tense that Ellie had used. She turned her head slightly so she was looking up at the sky again. “It’s still up there?”

“Yeah. It left the Solar System in 2012, but yeah. It’s still out there.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, wow,” Ellie said in agreement. “They had already turned off a few of the instruments so it could save power and still send data back to NASA...” Ellie paused to clear her throat. “Although there isn’t a NASA anymore to record it, I guess.”

Dina hummed in sympathy. “So it’s just up there...all alone.” She paused for a moment. “How far away is it now?”

Ellie took a moment to do the math in her head. One of her favourite books about space had a timeline of Voyager 1’s progress, the most recent milestone being when it crossed the termination shock in 2004. She also knew its average speed, so it was a simple matter of figuring out how far it had travelled in the 30 years since then.

Ellie frowned. The math was rough. Really rough. But it was the best she could do. “Like...200 astronomical units. I think.”

“Great, thanks,” Dina replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Got that in a unit that means anything to anyone?”

Ellie rolled her eyes and gave Dina a gentle poke in the ribs, grinning in delight at the indignant squeak that she got in response. “About 20 billion miles. Give or take a billion.”

Dina stopped rubbing at her ribs to look up at Ellie with her mouth open. “Okay, now that sounds pretty fucking far. How do you remember this stuff?”

Ellie shrugged. “Space stuff is fucking cool. My brain likes remembering cool things.”

“Oh. Should I be offended that you had to visit my house like, three times before you remembered where I live?”

Ellie snorted. “I wouldn’t read into it too much.”

“Uh huh.”

Dina looped her arm around Ellie’s body, and Ellie smiled at how she snuggled into her even more. It wasn’t a particularly cold night, but her warmth was still nice.

“How about stars?”

“You’re just full of questions tonight, aren’t you?”

“Someone has to keep the conversation going.”

Ellie chuckled. “Alright fine, what do you want to know?”

“Will that space probe ever reach one of them?”

“I dunno, maybe. It’ll take a really long fucking time though.”

“Are stars really far away?”

“Uh, yeah. Proxima Centauri is the closest one to us, and even that’s like four light-years away.”

Dina cocked her head to the side. “Light-years?”

“Another unit that doesn’t mean anything to anyone.”

“Oof, she’s quick tonight,” Dina said cheekily, biting her lower lip as she smiled up at Ellie. “Tell me. I want to know.”

Ellie blushed. “It’s nothing mindblowing...a light-year is how far light travels in a, uh, year. Astronomers use it to measure things that are really fucking far away. I mean, light travels 186,000 miles a second, so in a year it travels…” She paused. “...A really-fucking-big-number of miles.”

Dina laughed, but then her voice took on a contemplative tone. “Wait, does that mean…” she started, her voice lilting in the way that meant that she was stepping through her thoughts in real-time, “...if I stood on that star right now—”

“—You would be very, very dead.”

Dina threw a glare up at Ellie. “If I skipped over the important science and stood on that star right now…”

Dina paused, evidently waiting to see if Ellie would challenge her again. But Ellie simply smiled and gestured for her to continue.

“...and I looked at Earth with a really good telescope, would I see what was happening here four years ago?”

Ellie nodded. “Pretty cool, huh?”

“Yeah, pretty cool.” Dina went quiet for a moment. “What do you think you’ll be doing four years from now?”

Ellie pondered the question. “Being alive would be nice.”

“Wow. Dream big.”

“Hey! I could have my face ripped off by a clicker tomorrow. You never know.”

“You could also not have your face be ripped off by a clicker tomorrow.”

“You eternal optimist, you.”

Dina rolled her eyes. “One of us has to be.”

They went quiet again as they considered the sky above them. Eventually, Dina was the one to break the silence.

“I wouldn’t mind having a kid, I think.”

Ellie raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“What? You don’t want kids?”

Ellie shrugged. “Not really. And definitely not four years from now.”

“It’s probably for the best. You’re still a kid, I can’t imagine you trying to take care of one.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Ellie crossed her arms and let out a huff.

Dina seemed pretty amused with herself, and didn’t look like she was going to say anything more. Eventually, Ellie rolled her eyes and changed the subject.

“It really does make you think though, right?”

“Hmm?”

“The Universe was here before us, and it’ll still be here after we’re gone. We’re not even a blip in the grand scheme of things.”

“Do you want to be a blip?”

Ellie blinked. “What do you mean?”

“When I talk to like, older people who were around before Outbreak Day...when I read things that were written back then…” Dina twisted her lips together, which Ellie had already learned was a sure sign that she wasn’t sure how to say what she wanted to say. “...so many people wanted to be famous, or whatever. Go down in history. Be remembered. Be important.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Ellie asked, unsure where Dina was going with her comment. She couldn’t help but scratch at the chemical burn covering the bite on her arm.

Dina puffed out her cheeks, then slowly blew the air out. “Not bad, but also not...the point?”

“The point of what?”

Dina went quiet again. Her eyes were trained on the stars above them, slowly moving between the constellations that Ellie had pointed out earlier in the night. “Living,” she said eventually.

“Wow. Now who’s dreaming big?”

“I’m serious,” Dina said as she shifted away, rolled onto her side and supported her head with her hand. Ellie mourned the loss of contact for a moment, but when she mirrored Dina’s pose and found herself looking straight into Dina’s eyes, she found herself not minding the new position at all.

“Does someone need to die famous to say that they’ve lived a good life?” Dina asked in an even voice.

“Well...no, but—”

“It’s easy to say no when I ask it like that. But so many people back then...they thought that was true. That stuff like that mattered.”

Ellie shrugged. “I guess they didn’t have to worry about getting their faces ripped off by clickers, so they had to invent other things to worry about. It’s nice that we don’t have to do that.”

The corner of Dina’s mouth turned up. “Could it be? Has Dina the eternal optimist gotten the Ellie Williams to find a silver lining?”

Ellie groaned and rolled onto her back again. “You’re the worst.”

Dina wasted no time in returning her head to its earlier position on Ellie’s shoulder. Ellie didn’t think it was possible, but somehow Dina was even closer to her this time.

“Where’s...I’ve forgotten the name already. The centaur star?”

“Proxima Centauri?”

“Yes, nerd.”

Ellie chuckled. “You’d need a telescope to see it — it’s pretty faint. But it’s a southern hemisphere thing. It doesn’t cross the sky up here.”

“Oh, that’s a shame.”

“We’ve got other cool stuff though.” Ellie tracked her eyes across the sky, eventually landing on one of the brightest points of light that she could see. “That’s Vega,” she said as she pointed out the star to Dina. “It’s about twenty-five light-years from us.”

“Twenty-five?!” Dina repeated in awe. “That’s so far away. It’s so bright though.”

“I know,” Ellie said with a light laugh. “And save your breath; I know what you’re going to ask.”

Ellie went for Dina’s ribs again, but this time Dina was ready for her. She skillfully deflected Ellie’s hand, then poked her tongue out. “Asshole. What do you think I was going to ask?”

“If I don’t know what I want to be doing four years from now, do you think I have a fucking clue about what I’ll be doing when I’m forty?”

Dina adopted a surprisingly soft expression. “I think you’re overcomplicating things.”

“Am I now?”

“Mmhmm,” Dina nodded decidedly. “I already know what I’ll be doing.”

“Let me guess. Kicking your feet up on an exotic beach somewhere, watching a beautiful sunset?”

“Calm down there, Nostradamus.”

This time, it was Ellie’s turn to poke her tongue out. “Ew, don’t bring that dude into this. His thing was astro-logy, not astro-nomy.”

Dina chuckled. “Alright, alright. Anyway...the beach would be nice, I’m sure. But that’s not what I mean.” She gave Ellie another soft smile before returning her attention to the sky above them.

Ellie patiently waited for her to say more, but Dina stayed quiet. “Would you...want to be living in Jackson?” she probed gently.

Dina shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind. It’s nice here. Safe.”

“Maybe you can be like Eugene. You know? Be on the patrol board when you’re like seventy.”

The corner of Dina’s mouth turned up as she sharply exhaled through her nose. “Yeah, maybe.”

“You’d be such a badass old lady,” Ellie said lightly, “although I guess you might not have much time for measly little patrols.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’re going to be some big hot-shot in town, I reckon,” Ellie said with a chuckle. “In charge of the dam and keeping the power going, or something. I’ve seen those gadgets you’ve been messing around with in your room. You’re real good at that stuff.”

Even in the darkness, Ellie could see Dina’s cheeks turn pink. She gave herself a mental pat on the back for making Dina blush — usually, it was the other way around.

Despite the boost in confidence, Ellie felt her mouth go dry. Her next thought was a bit of a gamble, but she did really want to know. She could totally be subtle about it too.

“Uh,” Ellie started, but paused to clear her throat. “Do you think there would be...someone to keep that badass lady company?”

Dina answered with another shrug. “That would be nice too,” was the only thing she said in reply.

Ellie felt disappointed for a moment, but gracefully bowed out of her line of questioning, rather than trying to get more out of Dina. Instead, she carefully looped her arm around Dina’s shoulders and drew her close, like they had been earlier in their conversation.

Dina started nibbling at her lower lip again as her gaze stayed fixed on the stars above them. “Overview effect, huh?” she said under her breath, so quietly that Ellie wasn’t sure if she was supposed to hear it or not.

Dina stayed silent for a bit, but then spoke again in a louder voice. “I don’t really know what’s going to happen in the future...” she started cautiously, “...the things that you were asking about, anyway. But, whatever happens, I just want to be...happy.” She shrugged once more. “Just...happy. Happy, and making the people around me happy.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Ellie could see that Dina was fiddling with the bracelet that she always wore.

“Some people think happiness is boring. Maybe that makes me boring, I dunno.” Dina let go of her bracelet, moving her hand up to rub at the back of her neck instead.

“But no matter what happens...I’d do whatever it takes, just to have that. Whatever it takes…” Dina repeated, then paused to take a breath. “...it’s worth it.”