Chapter Text
Tsukishima Kei stands at a crossroads.
It’s one he’s seen before. He’s been seeing it for longer than he can remember — the crack in the pavement, the flicker of the streetlight at dusk, and the memory of Yamaguchi’s quick smile and wave as the two of them part ways.
Here, now, he is alone. The street stretches out endlessly on both sides of him, and the evening air is quiet.
He stands, uncertain of what to do next.
“ Well? Aren’t you going to choose?”
There’s a crow sitting on the streetlight across the intersection, barely visible against the darkening sky. It squawks again. “Come on. Hurry up!”
Kei glares. “It’s not that easy. I don’t know where the roads end. How am I supposed to choose which one to follow?”
The crow squawks and cackles, flapping its wings as it balances precariously on the light. “You may never know where your roads will end. But still, you must always make a choice.”
Before Kei can answer, the crow lets out a screech that makes him wince. He blinks, and it’s melted into the black sky like ink onto paper.The silence is deafening. Kei is alone.
He inhales sharply and hesitates.
Then, he takes a step.
“Tsukki? Hello?”
Kei blinks. Last night’s dream falls away from his mind’s eye and he returns to reality. “Yes?”
Yamaguchi peers at him doubtfully. “Were you listening? Are you okay? You look tired.”
“Of course I was listening,” Kei says immediately. He racks his brain for a vague, yet plausible response. “You… were talking about practice. And I’m fine, Yamaguchi. Just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”
Yamaguchi squints suspiciously. “Right.”
He sighs. “I’m just…”
He glances at Kei out of the corner of his eye, hair falling over his view. Kei feels his heart rate pick up.
“Nervous,” Yamaguchi finishes after a beat of silence.
As the school comes into view, the sight of the familiar buildings makes Kei’s heart twinge. They haven’t really had this conversation before, surprisingly. Yamaguchi had seemed relatively secure with the prospect of being captain for all of break, but now, seeing their classmates and classrooms and gym again, Kei thinks he gets it a little. Third year has officially begun, and captainship isn’t some faraway title anymore. It’s here , right now.
“I don’t know what you’re worried about,” he says, hoping it’ll soothe Yamaguchi’s nerves. “Everything will be like normal. We’re obviously going to get some new first-years. They’ll probably flock to the gym just to watch Thing One and Thing Two perform their circus act.”
The wavering look of uncertainty on Yamaguchi’s face disappears as he snorts. Kei considers his job done.
Yamaguchi looks down at his feet, and Kei instinctively follows his gaze. Their footsteps align, like they’re four legs attached to one body, two minds and one entity.
“It just doesn’t feel real,” Yamaguchi says quietly, eyes still trained on his feet.
“Being captain?”
Yamaguchi shakes his head softly. “All of it. Being captain, being third years… It feels like just yesterday we were playing against Hinata and Kageyama for a spot on the team and now… everything’s coming to an end.”
They’re near the gates now, and Kei watches clusters of students huddle around the boards in the courtyard, all looking over each other to find their rooms.
“Well, it’s not coming to an end now ,” Kei points out. “First we’ve got to get to school, then we’ve got to find our classes, then we’ve got to deal with the obnoxious—”
“ Yamaguchi! Tsukishima! Oi, Kageyama, I told you they’d make it before us! You owe me a pork bun!”
“Wha—? Pay for your own food! I don’t have any money!”
“Don’t lie to me, Kageyama, I know you have leftover birthday money.”
“Well, this year’s off to a great start,” Kei mutters irritably.
Kageyama and Hinata whip around to face him simultaneously. “Don’t think I didn’t hear that, Tsukishima!” Hinata cries.
“Don’t worry, I was hoping you would,” he responds, and steps away to find his class number. He’s far too tired to deal with Hinata yelling again.
His height makes it easy for him to squint and find his room over the heads of his classmates. He almost smiles when he sees Yamaguchi’s name not far under his.
“Same class again,” Kei informs Yamaguchi once he’s back.
“That’s great, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi beams. “I don’t know what I’d do if we weren’t in the same class for our final year.”
The words “final year” seem to put a damper on the conversation. Kageyama and Hinata, who had been bickering about something useless again, stop and look at each other, then away.
Yamaguchi grimaces.
Kei watches with interest as the two in front of him try to ignore each other and fail. Kageyama’s ears are turning increasingly red, and Hinata looks…
Kei frowns. Something’s off about Hinata. Despite all his yelling earlier, in this quiet moment he looks exhausted, almost mirroring Kei’s own state. There are noticeable bags under his eyes and a slight slump to his shoulders.
Kei can’t figure it out. And after a few more seconds, he doesn’t care enough to deal with Kageyama and Hinata’s awkwardness any longer. “Stop being dramatic. Idiots like you should worry more about passing exams before even thinking about graduation,” he says flippantly.
Kageyama sends him a stricken look, like he hadn’t even thought of that. Hinata just laughs. “We’ll be fine, Tsukishima. We have you to tutor us, after all!” he chirps.
Tsukishima glowers at him.
The bell chimes, and the crowd around them starts to dissipate.
“See you guys at lunch!” Hinata waves, and Kageyama nods too.
They watch Kageyama and Hinata go their separate ways, and Kei says, “Something’s wrong with Hinata.”
Yamaguchi startles. “What? Really? What is it?”
“I don’t know. He just looks weird.”
Yamaguchi looks worried. “I’ll ask him about it at lunch, I guess. I hope he’s okay.”
The second bell chimes and Yamaguchi blanches. “Tsukki, we’re gonna be late on our first day!”
Kei is not going to be late on his first day, especially not because of Hinata .
Yamaguchi never ends up talking to Hinata at lunch because as soon as the lunch bell rings, he stands up and makes a beeline for the door. Kei watches as Yamaguchi disappears around the corner. He knows where Yamaguchi is going.
Kei doesn’t hurry, because he needs time to think. What will he say? What will Yamaguchi want me to say? How will I know? Is it bad? Surely it can’t be that bad, Kei thinks.
…But then again Yamaguchi only started freaking out today.
Before he knows it, he’s at the boys’ bathroom door. He hasn’t even figured out what to do yet.
Kei sighs and pushes open the door.
Yamaguchi stands there, gripping the porcelain sink, head hung low.
Great. It’s bad.
Kei lets the door shut softly. Yamaguchi’s shallow breathing echoes in the empty room.
Yamaguchi looks up at Kei through the mirror. “Tsukki,” he says. “Tsukki, I can’t do this.”
“You can,” Kei says firmly. “Of course you can, Yamaguchi, there’s a reason you were picked.”
“A reason?” Yamaguchi’s voice is shrill and keeps rising in pitch. “What reason?! How did Ennoshita-san know what kind of captain I was going to be? I don’t even know what kind of captain I’m going to be! And I’m captain myself! Fuck, I wasn’t even a starter— ”
“ Yamaguchi. ”
They’re standing shoulder to shoulder, gazes locked through the mirror. Kei can’t hear Yamaguchi’s breathing anymore— he doesn’t know if it’s slowed or not because his heart is pounding in his ears and drowning everything out. He hasn’t figured out what to say yet but he needs to say something , right now—
“You’re captain now, and you can’t change that. And I wouldn’t— I wouldn’t change that. You’re… more suited for this than any of the rest of us and I…” Kei stops.
Yamaguchi glances down.
Kei is reaching out a hand to where Yamaguchi is still clutching the sink, knuckles white. His fingers tremble in the air.
Yamaguchi glances back up. The panic in his eyes seems to have just barely decreased, but his expression is suddenly closed and unreadable.
The two of them seem to be holding their breath.
The door bursts open, revealing Hinata. “There you guys are, we’ve been looking for — hey, what’s wrong?”
Kei recoils, putting space between him and Yamaguchi where there was almost none before.
Kageyama trails after Hinata, sucking on a carton of chocolate milk with a furrow in his brow.
Hinata is looking between the two of them quickly. Kei can almost see the gears moving (grinding together, with great effort) in his head and readies himself to refute any nonsensical claim that the boy makes.
Instead, Hinata gives Kei one long final look before turning to Yamaguchi. Kei blinks.
“Yamaguchi, is everything okay?” he asks, flitting around him with concern.
Kei practically expects Yamaguchi to bury his head in his hands and wail. But he turns away from the sink, facing the rest of them, and sighs.
“How am I going to do this?”
Kei stares, desperately racking his brain for something to say, some other way to finish what he had started only moments before. But before he can think of anything, Hinata is there.
He puts his arm around Yamaguchi’s shoulders and squeezes him gently, shooting him an assured smile.
Kei shoves down the annoyance that immediately bubbles up inside him.
“Yamaguchi,” he says, “I can’t think of anyone better to be captain this year than you.”
Yamaguchi leans slightly into Hinata’s loose embrace and groans. “What if I completely mess up? What if the first-years hate me? What if we lose all our games?”
“We’re definitely not going to lose all our games,” Kageyama butts in.
“We don’t even know who the first-years are yet,” Hinata reminds him. “And no matter what happens, we’re all behind you, together. We’ve got your back, captain!”
Yamaguchi huffs out a weak laugh. “It probably would’ve been better for Kageyama to be captain.”
Hinata bursts into laughter. “Kageyama-kun? Captain? There’s no way. That would end in total disaster.”
Kageyama glares. “Like you would make a better captain, dumbass!”
Yamaguchi is biting back a smile. “Guys, come on, not on our first day.”
Hinata straightens up instantly, as if he was given an order from a military officer. “Yes, Captain! Whatever you say, Captain!”
“Oi,” Kageyama mutters, looking surprised and a little lost, like he thinks he should salute Yamaguchi too.
Yamaguchi really laughs now, genuine and bright. The sound washes over Kei, and his shoulders relax for the first time since stepping into the bathroom. Yamaguchi is led out of the bathroom by Hinata through the door Kageyama’s lazily propped open with his foot, and when he passes Kei, he gives him a small smile.
But Kei can’t shake the sinking, slimy feeling in his gut. It wraps around his insides and squeezes them as he follows them out. In his head, he finally finishes his sentence.
…and I believe in you, Yamaguchi.
“They’re getting tinier every year,” Kei mutters.
Yamaguchi laughs quietly. “Or maybe you’re just getting bigger, Tsukki.”
Kei is sure it’s more than that. Kageyama looks like an awkward, bumbling giant. Even Hinata looks relatively big compared to the first-years who are clustered around him.
“Do you even remember their names?”
There’s a beat, and Yamaguchi laughs again while Kei scowls.
“There’s five of them, okay? And they’re all the same, they’re all tiny. How am I supposed to remember their names on the first day?”
Yamaguchi pats his shoulder placatingly and walks over to where Kageyama is gesturing with as much animation as Kageyama can muster. Hinata is nodding along excitedly. Kei thinks he hears a “bwam! ” and a “pow! ” somewhere in there. “Sure, Tsukki,” he says sweetly. “You’re a great senpai.”
Kei wills the flush off his cheeks.
They’re nearing the end of practice now. Well, they didn’t really practice today — the first years showed up and fumbled about with some of the volleyballs. He may not remember their names, but he knows they’ve got two middle blockers, two outside hitters, and a setter — a well-rounded group. The tallest tiny one is the setter, and Kei has been watching Kageyama try to figure him out all practice.
There are five new team members, and all of them are completely enamored with Yamaguchi, Kageyama, and Hinata.
Kei honestly isn’t surprised. He gets, on an objective level, that Kageyama and Hinata can be impressive (at least when they’re not speaking). And Yamaguchi is… well, he’s Yamaguchi. It’s fascinating to watch, seeing Yamaguchi so at ease with everyone, when only hours before he was hyperventilating in the boys’ bathroom. But as soon as the first years showed up, he stepped gracefully into his role of captain like Kei knew he inevitably would.
Kei spots Yachi walking towards him. “Ah, Tsukishima-kun,” Yachi says. “Can you give them these water bottles?” She nods towards the group in the middle of the gym. “Oh, and tell Yamaguchi-kun that Coach and Sensei want to talk to him about the first-years.”
Kei takes the bottles, passing one to their now-second-years, Tokita, Shoji, and Yaotome, who are huddled together and are whispering with their heads bent.
“Oi.”
Their heads shoot up. “Y-Yes, Tsukishima-senpai?” Shoji squeaks.
Kei fights the urge to roll your eyes. It’s been a year and they still act like he’s the monster under their beds. “Relax. Here are your water bottles. You can probably go, practice is basically over, anyway.”
Their shoulders lower a fraction of an inch. “Of course, Tsukishima-senpai. Thank you, Tsukishima-senpai!” they chorus.
Maybe it’s how tired he is, but he knows a couple more words will make him snap. Then, Yamaguchi will be upset that he scared everyone on the first day, no less, and Kei just really doesn’t want to deal with all that. So lets it go, nods, and steps away.
By the time he hands the water bottles to his chattering classmates and the first-years who are too awed to be frightened of him, the news has already reached Yamaguchi.
As the first-years scatter, making their way towards the club room, Yamaguchi starts, “Tsukki,” and his wide, beseeching eyes already tell Kei that he isn’t going to like what comes next. “Would you mind locking up the gym with Hinata? I’ve got to talk to Ukai about the first-years. Please?”
Kei sighs and holds the biting complaint on the tip of his tongue. Yamaguchi has had a long day. He doesn’t need Kei to make it worse. “Yeah, fine. Just hurry up or I’ll start losing brain cells from being in close proximity with him.”
Yamaguchi laughs. “If that was going to happen, all your brain cells would be gone already.” He squeezes Kei’s forearm and turns away.
Hinata’s already attempting to bump the balls into the basket on the other side of the gym. When Kei starts untying the net, he brightens. “Shittyshima, you’re helping? Great! This’ll go much faster then.”
With both of them working on it, the nets are down and the balls are all put in away in less than ten minutes. Kei can imagine that when Kageyama and Hinata are working together, it takes triple the amount of time.
By the time the gym is all locked up, the sun is setting. Kei looks around, but Yamaguchi isn’t outside yet.
Kei sighs. “Let’s just wait outside. Yamaguchi should be done soon.”
Hinata agrees, and the two head to the gate to stand in silence.
It’s odd for Hinata to be silent, Kei notes. But lately Hinata has seemed more contemplative, more serious, sometimes seeming lost in his mind for minutes on end. Hinata keeps surprising people. He’s been doing it since first year, so Kei supposes it may just be what Hinata does.
Right now, the boy is leaning against the gate, looking up at the darkening sky. The sight causes a strike of dissonance in Kei. He can’t merge the obnoxious boy he’s always known with the new Hinata that stands before him now. He can’t imagine his puny teammate going halfway across the world, all on his own. He can’t imagine — well. He doesn’t need to, does he? By the end of the year, they’ll all be going their separate ways.
They stop a little outside the gate, where the four of them had been talking this morning. Now, seeing the sidewalk abandoned in the setting sun, Kei feels a whisper of the nostalgia Yamaguchi has been talking about. How many times have he and Yamaguchi walked down this very sidewalk together? How many times have they walked with Karasuno to get meat buns? How many times has Coach chased them out?
Kei mentally shakes himself. What’s wrong with him? It doesn’t matter how many times any of that has happened. All things have to end, he reminds himself. Everything.
Hinata springs up and darts across the street, startling Kei.
Then he sees why: two cats, one pitch black and the other stark white, are standing pressed up against each other. And, he realizes with a prickle of discomfort when he notices their unblinking yellow eyes, they’re watching us.
Something in his stomach drops. Something’s off. Something’s off with Hinata, and something’s off with these cats, and Kei just wants to get out of there, now.
“Hinata,” he calls, feeling more and more dread as he approaches the other boy. Hinata is scratching the white one under its chin.
Hinata blinks up at him. “Hm? What is it, Stingyshima?”
Kei’s hands twitch. He doesn’t know what to say. “Stop petting those cats because I feel weird” is a level of strange that he frankly does not want to reach. He bites his tongue and instead says, “Nothing. Never mind. Let’s just go find Yamaguchi.”
“Can’t we stay here a little longer?” he whines. “These cats are so cute! Normally they run away once you get pretty close but these ones just stood there like they were waiting for me to come and pet them. Pleeeease, come on, it’s looking at you ‘cause it wants you to pet it—”
“Fine,” he interrupts. “Just a minute and then we’re going to find Yamaguchi.”
He bends down and places his hand on the black cat’s head. The cat blinks up at him.
Then he feels a strike of pain split his head in two.
Kei staggers backwards onto the street.
Everything seems spinning and blurry and his head throbs and what’s happening? Why can’t he see anything? Where’s Hinata?
His hand hits something sharp and he curses, then realizes that it’s his glasses that had fallen off when he fell onto the street. He puts them on with trembling hands, still dizzy.
Everything clears up. His head now aches like a bitch but he can see Hinata, who’s pressing his hands to his eyes and sitting just a few paces away from him.
“Tsukishima,” Hinata says weakly. He’s still got his face in his hands. “What’s— what’s going on?”
Kei can’t find any words to answer.
They sit there for seconds or minutes — Kei can’t tell, not when the normally-straight street looks like it’s curving upwards towards the sky — until he hears a thump.
“Tsukki! Hinata! Oh my God.”
Yamaguchi is there, hands flying all around their faces. “Oh my God, what happened to you? Did you—” He gasps and the color drains from his face. “Did you get hit by a car?”
“No,” Kei responds quickly, sitting up fully. He holds back a groan. That was not a good idea. “Nothing like that. We just… felt sick.”
“So we sat down,” Hinata adds quietly. He seems to be recovering, as Kei can actually see his face again. But his eyes are still unfocused. He glances at Kei and they make a silent deal.
The lie sounds like a half-formed excuse to his own ears, but the look Hinata sends him lets him know that it was the right thing to say. The cats are now nowhere in sight, and mentioning it now would just confuse Yamaguchi.
Kei forces himself up, ignoring the way his head screams, and dusts himself off. He picks up Yamaguchi’s bag from where he’d dropped it on the sidewalk and hands it to him, saying, “Hinata lives far away. You should walk him home, Yamaguchi.” He doesn’t think Hinata will be able to bike over a mountain if he feels even a fraction of what Kei feels right now.
“I’ll be fine,” he says roughly over both of their sounds of protest. When he catches the worry in Yamaguchi’s eyes, he softens slightly. “Seriously. I’m just going to go home and sleep. It’s probably just the lack of sleep.”
Hinata frowns like Kei said something weird, but doesn’t say anything in response.
“Okay?” Kei asks. “I’m going.”
He can hear Yamaguchi call something out to him, but he doesn’t understand it over the ringing in his ears. He just wills himself to keep walking.
Kei doesn’t know how he makes it home. One second he’s at the school gates, the next he’s shuffling off his shoes at the front door. His head pounds, and his limbs ache like he’s been playing volleyball for hours upon end. It’s probably the result of a week of bad nights. Or maybe he’s coming down with something.
Please let me make it to my bed in peace, he wishes.
“Kei! How was your first day of third year?”
Kei wants to ram his head into a wall. Why today … Of all days he decided to show up.
“Fine,” he grunts to Akiteru. “Tell mom I’m going to bed.”
Akiteru’s blinding smile falters. “Kei, are you all right?”
“Fine,” he snaps, and then a split second of guilt zips through his body. “I’ll… talk to you tomorrow. I’m just tired right now, tell mom I said I’m not hungry.”
Without another word, he heads up the stairs into his room and drops his bag on the floor.
Collapsing face-first on the bed, Kei can only fumble to put his glasses on the nightstand before he passes out into, for the first time in weeks, a dreamless sleep.