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After years of waiting, Cove finally got his driver's license and, with his father's car change, he had a vehicle for him alone to use, even though it was a little old and rusty by the years. He didn’t really care about it, actually, he loved his extra freedom too much to care about something as little as that.
He and his front neighbor, his childhood friend, his not-so-secret secret crush, could finally do something together other than being confined to Sunset Bird. Cove always thought about going out again one day, like that when they were younger, to a natural place, where they could enjoy everything together, but, this time, without their families (or, at least, without Lizzie to get on his nerves).
He just wanted to be able to say what he felt since he was just a young boy. The memory of the 8 years old girl saying she would marry him one day was still crystal clear on his mind and, even if they were just kids back then, it marked him somehow. Even now that he's 18 and some months, no one else said that they liked him, other than her.
And now, it all fell apart because of him. Baxter. As much as they tried, the two young men simply can't get along at all, mostly because they were totally the opposite from each other, just like water and fire. Cove always saw himself like the water, calm, soothing, a little problematic and cold sometimes, and picturing the monochromatic guy as fire was the easiest thing: hot, passionate and destructive, and he knows why.
In short months, the white-haired boy won his girl over in a way he couldn't do in years. Maybe, when both exchanged looks, his girl wasn't even his anymore.
And he feels like years of his life have been thrown away. Baxter always managed to stay present in her life: letters, messages, calls, gifts… things that Cove also did, but never left that cute and silly smile on her face. What was so good about that guy? His money? His dyed hair? That he's already in college? Maybe she wanted someone older and open-minded? Or was it the fact that he wasn't a crybaby? Or maybe she thought Baxter was handsome and stylish, unlike him? Or, maybe, she was sick of the beach, surfing and all the summer things he loves…?
That would mean she was sick of him , right?
He put the car in gear and the world started to move while he tried to contain the tears. He promised his father that he would go around the city and be back before 9pm. He tried to put his mind at ease, tried to think of other people, tried to focus on the red and green lights, on the signs, but nothing seemed the same without her. The seat next to him looked so empty, and, even with all the noise from the heavy traffic, the silence was deafening.
He felt incomplete. She was his half since they were just kids and, now, she was somebody else’s. She felt complete with another person, while Cove was there, in his car, without someone to understand him like she used to do, with nothing and no one to make him as comfortable and at home as before.
He started to miss things that he thought he had forgotten or overcame. He missed when his parents were still together and his life before he met her. He missed his mother's home in Nevada. He missed school, when he saw people other than her. He felt like going to a bigger place and felt like he had 8 years old again, throwing a tantrum and crying.
Crying alone.
Maybe she never meant what she wrote in the letters she sent him. Maybe, deep down, she didn't even like spending time with him that much. Maybe Cove was just her childhood sweetheart, her first kiss, her love lessons, the one who prepared her for someone mature, like Baxter is, and, deep down, he knew that he could never be like that.
But he felt every word, every gesture. The girl who taught him to love was the girl who broke his heart into tiny pieces.
Cove sometimes wanted Baxter to disappear. That smile, that stupid sweet talking… Cove remembers how she smiled with every stupid thing he said, how happy she was the time he joined their tiny group. How much would it cost to Baxter to go away and return the life they had together? That perfect, sweet life… what could he have done to make it last forever?
Maybe nothing. Nothing at all.
Nothing lasts forever, Cove should already know that. His face was completely shaken by the crying, wet, red. Instead of going straight home, he decided to stop the car not so close to the place where he met the girl who transformed his life completely: the hill.
The fireflies were there, the poppies, the relaxing breeze… Cove could feel the tiny urge to text her and say how it looked beautiful, but he wouldn’t give in to that. She was busy, he knew that, and she wouldn’t leave her boyfriend to see him.
He simply walked slowly to the edge, sitting in the same place where he did a little over 10 years ago and letting it all out. The tears, the anger, the disappointment in himself, the fear… the peaceful scenario was the complete opposite from him, who was slowly giving in to his bad sides. His blue eyes were blurred and his body refused to move, but that was alright for him, after all, no one would look for him this time.