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"All I'm saying is brunch starts at 10. 9:30 at the earliest. And that is a brunch drink, not a 8 am just-woke-up drink."
"And I'm saying," Jason fired the champagne cork towards Dick’s head, who ducked with a yelp, "That I'm a grown ass man in his own home and can do what I want! Now do you want a mimosa or not, Dickface? Final offer."
“Yes please.” Dick grinned. “And don't be stingy with the champagne.”
“Who's making bad life choices now?” Jason grumbled. As he poured, generously, Tim came shuffling into the kitchen wearing an oversized Justice League shirt and pants. “Hey Timbo, you want a–”
“He's 17!” Dick squawked.
“Glass of OJ.” Jason finished with mock offense. Then mumbled under his breath, “Wet blanket.”
Seemingly oblivious to the conversation, Tim poured a giant mug of coffee and sipped slowly as he joined Dick at the table. “Do you guys ever hear noises at night?” Tim asked in a slow, deliberate voice.
"Have you ever heard of sleeping?" Jason muttered as he poured orange juice.
“Noises?” Dick asked.
“Like scratching in the walls?” Tim pressed. Jason and Dick exchanged a look over his head.
“Huh,” Jason slid Dick his glass and sat at the table. “I thought that was just me. You know,” He wiggled his fingers around his head, “Weird pit dreams and shit.”
Dick looked bewildered. “I didn't hear anything.”
“That's because you sleep like the dead, Dickiebird.”
“Could it be rats?” Tim took another long drink of coffee and frowned. “The manor is ancient. Could be a whole rat kingdom in the walls.”
“Oh please! B probably has rat zappers installed along with all his other security.” Jason rolled his eyes and grabbed a cinnamon muffin from the platter in the center of the table. Bless Alfred. “This place is a fortress. Almost impossible to get in.”
“Well if you use the doors like a normal person instead of windows–”
“I don’t remember asking for your opinion–”
“Maybe it's the wiring,” Tim kept going, staring off into the distance, “Or some kind of robotic thing inside. Like a little drone.” He shook his head. “No, Bruce would catch that for sure.”
“What would father catch?” Damian walked into the kitchen.
“What about you, Dames?” Dick leaned back in his chair. “Do you hear any scratching in the walls at night?”
“Of course not Richard.” Damian stuck a bagel in the toaster. “Don't be ridiculous.”
“It must be some kind of device.” Tim was getting more excited now, clutching his mug tight. “And I'm sure if it's small enough someone could sneak a little device in that Bruce couldn't detect. Imagine if we could find it and take it apart!”
“Or it could be something alive. Nerd.” But there was no bite in Jason’s voice and Tim blocked the muffin crumbs Jason flicked at him with a laugh.
“ Tt . Don't be ridiculous, Todd.” Damian said. “If there was something in the walls I would know it. After all–”
“Heir to the demon and the bat and all that, yes, yes we know.” Jason rolled his eyes. “So what's the plan Timmers?”
“Well I have some devices we can use to scan…”
With a glare, Damian left the kitchen.
***
Dick didn't remember how he ended up underwater. Last he remembered, he’d been in a department store with his brothers...buying a gift? It was all a blur.
But now, he needed air. Lungs burning, Dick gasped.
And woke to see a devilish grin above him as fingers pinched his nose shut.
“Jay, what the hell?” Dick sputtered and swatted his hands away. “I thought I was drowning!”
“You sleep like the dead, Goldie. Just like I said.” Jason didn't sound apologetic as he flopped back onto the bed. “Wasn’t sure you’d wake up for a minute. Dad wouldn’t like that very much.”
“Sorry Dick,” Tim looked sheepish at least. “But the other choice was slapping you and Jase looked too excited about that one.” Both of them were in pajamas, Tim in Justice League again and Jason in his prized Wonder Woman shirt, with messy bedheads.
“Why are you even in my–”
Jason clapped a hand over his mouth and held a finger to his lips. “Listen.” There it was, a soft and distant noise of something moving in the walls. Dick’s eyes opened wide.
“We're going to find it.” Tim explained excitedly, practically bouncing on the bed. Jason cast a bemused but affectionate look at him. “It's louder in Jason's room so we think it's coming from further in the wing. Come on!”
Only grumbling a little bit, Dick climbed out of bed and followed his little brothers as they crept down the hallway. Even if this was just a wild-goose chase, part of him was happy to see Jason and Tim having fun. They looked like mischievous kids huddling together and consulting in hushed voices about their scanners.
When they passed Jason’s room, Tim stopped them. He motioned to Damian’s door and then to his scanner. The noise was loudest from there.
Jason rolled his eyes, face saying everything for him. So much for being an observant assassin. With a nod at Tim, Jason threw the door open before Dick could stop him.
And ducked immediately, narrowly avoiding the throwing star that embedded itself in the door right above his head.
“You almost killed me, demon brat!” He hissed.
“It would have served you right, Todd!” Damian shot back. “What are you doing here?”
Dick rushed in, standing between them. Tim followed. “Everyone cool it! We're just–”
“What are you doing in the closet?” Tim cocked his head curiously.
Damian shifted to cover more of the doorway he was standing in. “None of your business Drake. Get out of my room.”
“Well the noise is coming from your room.” Jason stabbed a finger at him. “I can hear it clearly.”
“It's coming from the closet.” Tim added helpfully.
Damian glowered at him. If looks could kill, Tim would be a charred corpse by now. “I said leave Drake.”
Dick stepped forward again, holding out his hands. But before he could say a word, a small meow filled the room. “Dami, is that a cat?”
All three boys crowded around the closet despite Damian's scowl. It wasn't just one cat. Tumbling around Damian's closet, and a crawl space he had opened up in the wall, were five kittens.
“Looks like we found the noise.” Jason said with raised eyebrows then added a little too excitedly, "B is gonna flip when he sees the wall."
“I couldn't just leave them out in the cold.” Damian mumbled as the large tabby cat rubbed against his ankles. “Her kittens were so little. I put them here with all the sheets and blankets I thought Pennyworth wouldn’t miss. Which isn't many apparently.”
“Aw, Dames.” Dick put an arm around his shoulders. “You could have told us. I've got plenty of old things you could use.” Jason and Tim nodded in agreement.
Damian looked at them in surprise. “Really?”
It didn't take long for the brothers to arrive back in Damian's room with arms full of old shirts, sweats, and blankets. Under Damian’s watchful eye they worked together on padding the space.
“Have you come up with names yet?” Dick asked when they’d finished and were all crowded into the closet playing with the kittens.
“I'm still picking them.” Damian admitted. “I was waiting for their personalities to show up.”
Dick pulled him into a tight side hug that would get anyone else stabbed. “I'm really proud of you Damian. Taking care of five kittens and a mama cat is a lot of work.”
“I'm not letting you name them, Richard.” Damian mumbled, failing to hide his smile.
“You should name them after us.” Tim suggested. “There's even an extra one for Bruce or Alfred.”
“Who was the mother cat be? Talia? Selina?” Jason snickered.
“Brucelina.” Dick offered, still holding Damian.
“Obviously Alfred.” Tim snorted as he dumped the feisty kitten attacking his pants in Jason's arms. “This one can be you Jase. Look how ornery he is.”
“Tim!” For a moment Jason looked panicked. But then the kitten tumbled happily into his lap and wiggled around until he found a comfortable spot.
“Aw, he likes you Little Wing.”
“Then maybe we'll call him Dick.” Jason said as he carefully pet the kitten, a small smile on his face.
“Are you going to tell father?” Damian hesitantly asked after a minute.
“We’ll have to before he or Alfred find out. Because they will. But don't worry kiddo,” Dick ruffled his hair, and smiled at his brothers, “If you want to keep them, we've got your back.”
***
When Bruce had said the boys were missing, the last place Alfred expected to find them was Damian’s closet. Or what they were doing there.
Tim and Jason were slumped against each other as they slept, a kitten cradled in Jason’s arm. Damian’s head was pillowed in Dick’s lap, two more sleeping kittens pressed against him. It was adorable. Holding back a laugh, Alfred took a picture of them all.
He always enjoyed having his boys home.