Work Text:
The forest was so quiet in the morning. Not like City 17, riddled with gunfire and explosions and the moans of dying people. Gordon was walking around the outer rim of the camp, taking the time to think, though none of the thoughts were particularly good. He was exhausted, with good reason. These past few… weeks? Months? Years? He wasn't sure with the stasis- were absolutely horrible. Having a small moment of peace was more than deserved, he figured.
It was when he saw a dark silhouette through the trees that he stopped and reached for his crowbar. Maybe he should have worn the HEV suit after all. He snuck a little closer, hesitant, until he realized the figure was a familiar face.
Barney turned to the direction of the sound, wide eyed, before his face softening when he realized it was Gordon. Barney patted the log he was sitting on.
"Hey Doc, wasn't expecting to see you this early in the mornin'. Care to sit down?"
Gordon sat next to Barney, setting his crowbar in his lap. Barney looked tired, his eyelids heavy, and his hair still messed up from a night of restless sleep. He was beautiful all the same, though.
"Now Gordon I've never known you to wake up before noon. Heck, you were always late to work in Black Mesa. What'cha doin' out here?"
[ Thinking ] he signed.
"Oh, that makes sense. I'm thinking too, honestly." Barney tapped his fingers on the bark of the log in a rhythm.
[ What about ?]
"Oh," Barney chuckled a little. "Honestly… about when I was a kid. It feels like a lifetime ago- heck- it technically is. I remember getting up for kindergarten real early in the mornin', and the air was just like this. Damp and dark and calm but… electric with the energy of the day to come. Agh." Barney crossed his arms. "I've never been all that good with words. You know what I mean though, don'cha?"
[ Yeah, I understand .] Gordon signed.
"Should'a figured you would, Doc, you're smart after all." Barney smiled slightly. "I guess in a weird way I just miss it sometimes. Being young and havin' the whole world ahead of me. Not knowin' what would happen in the future. The chill of the mornin' air is the closest I can get to the feelin' now. Nostalgic, I think it's called?" Gordon nodded. "Yeah. I'm just gettin' old I guess. Unlike you, lucky dog! Look no older than ya did 20 years ago!" Barney lightheartedly punched Gordon's arm.
Gordon knew the stasis had probably kept his aging frozen. Meanwhile Barney had to be alive through all those years. And by god, did it show. His hair was greying, wrinkles starting to show, and he was bigger than he had been back in Black Mesa. Not to mention the age difference now. Gordon felt a pang in his heart. And yet, since he had woke up, Barney was all he could think about. His face back in Black Mesa, the movie nights, going out for beers, and even now, the way his eyes lit up when he saw Gordon after taking off his Civil Protection mask, the worry in his voice when the teleport was failing. Even the slight sadness in his eyes when they had to part in City 17. Barney never left Gordon's mind. Part of him felt like if he could just make it, just keep fighting, it would all be worth it to get back to Barney.
But would Barney think the same thing?
Gordon was pulled out of thought by a hand on his shoulder. Barney wore a concerned look on his face.
"You good, Doc? Spaced out on me."
[ Yes, thank you. Sorry .] Gordon's face heated up with embarrassment.
"It's okay. I know you've been through a lot. We don't have to keep talking if ya don't want to. Just sit here until the sun comes up completely." Barney was always so kind. Always knew just what to say to comfort Gordon. He wondered if Barney had met someone in the last 20 years. If he had fallen in love. If he lost them. The possibilities made his stomach turn. He didn't want to think about it.
They sat in silence for a while, sun slowly beaming through the trees. Gordon didn't remember scooting closer to Barney, but he noticed when Barney stood up and the cold air rushed to his side that Barney was just pressed against.
"Guess we should be heading back soon? I'll walk with ya if ya want." Gordon nodded.
The walk back was mostly silent, a few jokes and signs here and there. Just on the edge of the camp, Barney stopped walking.
"Gordon, I-" he stopped suddenly. "Nevermind, nevermind, it's nothing."
[ No, what ?] Gordon signed.
"Ah darn. Just uh," Barney scratched at the back of his head. "Well you know I'm not good with words or anything but… well it occurred to me this is the first time we've been able to sit and talk for ages. And well, I dunno if I'll ever get this chance again. So uh. There's something I wanted to say."
Gordon nodded, heart starting to race.
"I know it's been a long time. I know I'm kinda old now. And I know the world is kind of a hellhole and nothing is ever safe and all that. I mean, I know that but. Gordon I've been waiting a long time to say this but I don't want to wait another 20 years." Barney walked closer and grabbed both of Gordon's hands. Gordon's face started to redden.
"Gordon Freeman, I love you. Always have, even way back in Black Mesa. I was too scared to tell ya then, I'm scared now but…" Barney swallowed hard. "I can't lose ya again without ya knowing. I just can't. I'm sorry, Doc."
Gordon moved his hands to cup Barney's cheeks and smiled, rubbing his thumb across his cheekbone. After Barney blinked away a few emerging tears, Gordon pulled his hands back to sign.
[ Don't be sorry. I love you too.]
"Well I'll be damned…" Barney spoke, barely above a whisper. Gordon pulled him into a hug, and there they both were, finally together again in the morning air.