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Junpei curled against the wall, pulling the blanket to his face, shielding himself because he never could get used to the unfamiliar post-sex atmosphere.
“Why do you always come here?” he asked, mumbling into his pillow. His body was sore. This wasn’t the first time Itadori and him had been together—like this—but his body still took time adjusting.
He didn’t mind. It was to be expected. He would get used to it.
Itadori hummed, flipping through the channels, trying to find an interesting movie to watch. “What do you mean?”
“Every night...” Junpei always struggled with expressing himself. Maybe that was why he never had any friends. Or maybe that was simply a consequence of being tormented by bullies whenever he did express his desires.
“Um... well, I don’t really know what you mean,” Itadori smiled sheepishly, finally settling on a random channel that was playing reruns of SpongeBob. “But if you're asking why I come to your dorm every night, then the answer is pretty simple.” He laid the remote on the nightstand. “I like you, of course.”
I like you.
It sounded like such an easy answer to accept. After all, who would willingly spend time with a person they hate?
Yet, it wasn’t such an easy concept for Junpei to understand.
Sure, they had a few things in common, such as their love for movies. Oh, and also the fact that they both risked their lives everyday fighting against curses. But beyond those commonalities, nothing bonded them.
Lots of people loved movies, and as far as sorcerers go, Itadori could spend his free time with Fushiguro or Kugisaki, or any of their second-year seniors. Yet, here he was. Here he always was.
Junpei just couldn’t understand what there was about himself to like. He wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. If anything, Junpei would consider himself extremely ordinary—a face easily lost amongst the crowd.
Itadori’s laugh at the screen caught his attention. Even his laugh was beautiful.
How could someone as bright and beautiful as Itadori every be interested in someone as dull and disgusting as him?
It wasn’t possible.
“What’s wrong?” Itadori must have noticed his expression.
“Why do you like me?”
He scratched the back of his head. “What do you mean why?” Another smile, just as beautiful as the first. “I just do. What’s there not to like?”
Lots of things. Everything, he thought.
The tv painted hues of yellow and blue on his classmate’s face, highlighting his rather sharp features.
“You make me feel...” Itadori’s face had suddenly morphed into a solemn expression. Any traces of a former smile gone. “...less lonely. Like I’m complete—if that makes sense. I feel complete when I’m with you, and I like that feeling. I never want to go without it.”
Junpei felt his heart skip a beat, a deep pink flush creeping up his cheeks. He pulled the blanket up higher, peering up at his friend.
He wondered what that meant exactly. What it meant to be complete.
Maybe it felt like this.
“I like you,” Junpei said, his voice shaky and hesitant. He didn’t know what any of this really meant, or where this unusual bravery came from, but he felt the sudden urge to tell Itadori that he did, in fact, like him too. He wanted Itadori to know that, at least.
“Oh. Well, that’s a relief.”
Maybe it was a bit weird to admit to liking another person after you’ve already been intimate with them, but it wasn’t like anything about their lives was normal anyways.
“Why the sudden interrogation?” Itadori laughed.
This strange relationship—Itadori knocking on his door after missions and Junpei letting him in, always—had been going on for months now. Almost as long as Junpei had been at Jujutsu Tech.
At first, Junpei figured that Itadori came to keep him company. After all, Itadori knew (had witnessed) how lonely Junpei truly was. He never had any friends, and now, he didn’t have any family either.
Junpei welcomed his pink-haired friend’s company. Even though Junpei had made friends with all his classmates here (and they all had accepted and loved him, like a real family would), Itadori was the only one who could genuinely understand his pain—the pain of losing your family, of having no one.
It didn’t take long for Itadori’s nightly visits to turn into something more. It started with the occasional sleepover, his classmate sleeping on the floor. Junpei never questioned it, even if he did find it a bit odd that Itadori would choose to sleep on his floor rather than on his own bed in his own room across the hall.
It slowly progressed from there.
“Why don’t you just sleep on my bed?”
“Really? It’s okay if I sleep with you?”
“Sure, I don’t mind.”
Admittedly though, the presence of someone else on his bed was foreign to him, but Itadori’s presence was so comforting that he found himself getting used to the feeling in no time.
From there began the (completely innocent) touches. As usual, Junpei didn’t question it. It felt nice to be held in someone’s arms, especially when those arms were big and strong and protective. He had never been touched like that, so gently. It made him feel safe. And then, soon after that, Itadori had kissed him.
“Can I kiss you?” Itadori had asked, out-of-the-blue and completely unexpected, but not quite out-of-character for him. He had always been obliviously blunt.
And again, Junpei didn’t question it, even though he could have, probably should have.
He never kissed anyone, and the question surely made him flustered, but the thought of kissing Itadori was so tempting that he nodded before he could even fully process what was just asked of him.
And Itadori did kiss him, slowly leaning in, giving Junpei a chance to back out if he abruptly changed his mind—although the intention wasn't ever there—and their first kiss was soft and warm and a lot more heart-fluttering than Junpei had ever seen in romance movies.
After that, it only seemed natural that they would slowly progress to more intimate levels of their relationship.
The way that Itadori touched him was sincerely addicting. Itadori, who was so strong and powerful, yet touched him in such a gentle and tender way that contrasted sharply to the ruthless way his bullies handled him before.
It was impossible to not get hooked.
“I think I just want to understand us,” Junpei sighed. “This... what we have. What we’re doing.” That was only partly true. (He decided to leave out the more self-deprecating questions like "what are you doing here with someone like me? Why do you want to be with me?’" )
“What we're doing?” his classmate repeated to himself, quietly, pondering.
Even though their peculiar friends-with-benefits(?) relationship had been going on for a few months now, neither of them had bothered to define it.
Outside Junpei’s dorm, Itadori was affectionate with him, but affectionate in the same way he was affectionate to Fushiguro or Kugisaki—a friendly type of affection, because it simply was.
Junpei didn’t mind. If he was as outgoing as his Itadori, then he’d probably behave in the same manner.
“Well, I like you, and you like me,” Itadori finally settled, “and we have sex, so I think that means we’re going out.”
And of all the answers that he predicted to come out of Itadori’s mouth, that was definitely not one of them.
He has a simple way of thinking, indeed.
Honestly, his classmate’s way of thinking was refreshing. It left no room for questions. It was just too bad that Junpei had a very difficult time dealing with emotions.
“L-like... boyfriends?” He stuttered, burying his face deep into his blanket. He wondered if Itadori could even hear him.
“Yeah.” The mattress shifted beneath him, and he could hear a soft thud next to him as Itadori laid down. “Boyfriends.”
It went quiet. Itadori must have turned off the tv. He hoped his classmate couldn’t hear how loud his heart was thumping.
“Junpei, look at me.”
Junpei shook his head.
Facing Itadori now would just be too... painstakingly embarrassing. He couldn’t let Itadori see him like this.
But his friend (boyfriend?) was persistent, hand coming up to gently tug the blanket away from his face. Junpei felt weak, resigning himself to his fate rather easily.
Maybe he won’t be able to see my face, Junpei thought as the blanket slid down.
That was a pathetic lie, because even without the moonlight shining in through his window, Itadori had excellent—almost supernatural—eyesight.
And it was only when Junpei opened his eyes that he realized he had been crying, his vision blurry with tears.
Fuck.
He remembered the first (and up until now—the only) time he cried in front of Itadori.
It was when his mother died, and as much as he tried to avoid it then, like now, he wasn’t able to stop the tears from falling.
“Why are you...” Itadori’s touch was soft, like it always was, delicately caressing his cheek. “...crying?”
“Just stop.”
Junpei was shaking. He couldn’t figure out why. He couldn’t control it.
It felt like all the torment he was carrying up until now was just pouring out, and Itadori just happened to be here at the wrong moment. Or maybe it was because Itadori was here that Junpei felt like he could finally let it all out. Either way, it hurt—a type of aching pain that had nothing to do with his body and everything to do with his heart.
“Please,” Junpei pleaded. “Please just... stop.”
“No,” Itadori answered, firm and unwavering.
“I want you to go. I want you to get out,” he squirmed, trying to free himself from Itadori’s grasp.
“No,” Itadori replied again, his hand like an anchor.
“Go!” He yelled into his pillow. He was angry, because why couldn’t Itadori just listen?
“No. I’m not going to leave you.” His resolve was unshakeable.
“W-why?” It’s okay, Junpei wanted to say, it’s okay if you leave me. I won’t hate you. If I could, I’d leave me too. There was so much he wanted to say. It was so frustrating having so much you wanted to say but not being able to find the words—not being able to have the courage to do so.
“Because I’m never going to leave you.”
No, Junpei couldn’t have that. He didn’t want it. He didn’t want this kindness that he didn’t deserve, because unlike Itadori, Junpei was not—never had been, never will be—bright and beautiful.
“I hate this,” Junpei sobbed into the fabric of his pillow. He could hardly breath, but he didn’t dare move. “I’ve tried, I really have, but I just can’t be that person for you. All I’ll ever do is make you miserable. I know I will.” And, if there was anything worse than dying, it would be making you miserable. “I’m disgusting. Everything about me is disgusting, just revolting. You deserve someone beautiful, and someone who could give you all the happiness you de—“
He was cut off by a sudden jolt, his body thrusting forward until he collided against Itadori, so hard it was painful. But the way Itadori held him, his face burying against Junpei’s neck, made him feel all the more vulnerable.
“I can’t stand it,” Itadori’s breath tickled against his skin, but the tender sensation was the last thing on his mind. “I can’t stand it when you say those things about yourself. It makes me so sad I think I’ll go crazy.”
His classmate’s body had been against him in so many different ways before, but right now, even with the layer of blankets between them, this was the most exposed Junpei had ever felt.
“P-please don’t be sad,” Junpei’s arms reached forward, wrapping themselves around Itadori’s back, hands clenching into fists and fingernails digging into his palms so hard that his knuckles turned white. “Please don’t be sad.” Not you. Never you.
“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” Itadori hugged him tighter. Junpei felt like his ribs could break under the pressure at any moment. He didn’t care. He wanted Itadori to hold him closer. “Your not disgusting or revolting. There’s nothing disgusting about you.” He felt his classmate’s tears fall onto his neck. It shouldn’t be like this. “I’ve been in so much pain. I want to help people, I want to save them. I know I promised my grandpa, but I’m in so much pain that sometimes I feel like I want to die.”
In pain? Die? Itadori wants to die? It had occurred to Junpei before that Itadori must be suffering just as much—or even more than him. But, after a while, he figured that maybe Itadori wasn’t actually suffering as much as he thought because he was always surround by people. Junpei always had difficulty understanding friendships, so he simply thought that the love of friends somehow counterbalanced the pain of losing a loved one.
He was ignorant, and so, so wrong. Because here Itadori was, one of the happiest persons Junpei's ever met, talking about how much agony he’d been going through all this time.
“When I’m with you, I feel like I can finally breathe. And I’ve never felt this before. I’m so scared of this feeling, because I don’t know what to do with it, or how to react to it. I just know that I never want to give this up. I never want to give you up. So please don’t think that way about yourself. You saved me in so many ways. I can’t even begin to explain.”
He knew he didn’t deserve this. Someone like him doesn’t deserve to be with someone like Itadori. But he wanted to. He wanted so bad to deserve Itadori, to be with him. For Itadori, he was willing to put his heart on the line once again, even if that meant it could end in heartbreak.
“If you want me to leave, then please tell me what to do to stop loving you so much.”
No. Maybe that would be best—to simply let Itadori leave. But that's not what Junpei wanted. Not one bit.
“Don’t leave.” Junpei cried. Just this once, he was going to allow himself to be selfish. Just this once. “Please don’t ever leave me. I love you. So promise me that you won’t ever leave me.”
Itadori pulled away, his hands moving to the back of Junpei’s neck, pressing their foreheads together—the action being so soft, so distinctive from the previous bruising hug that had engulfed him moments before. He had been crying, Junpei confirmed.
“I promise I’m never going to leave you. Never.”
“Never?” Junpei whispered, because he just needed to hear it again.
Itadori shook his head, pulling Junpei toward him, mouths connecting in an innocent kiss. It was salty and tasted of tears, but none of that mattered. “Never.”
And, for the first time since he could remember, Junpei felt like he could finally breathe again.
-
Junpei mumbled a soft tune, tending to the garden on an early Monday morning.
Well, to be more specific, it was technically Inumaki’s garden, since the older boy was the one who took the responsibility of watering the flowers daily.
Recently though, Inumaki and him had gotten close. A kind, gentle junior-senior relationship that Junpei never had before.
Inumaki was quiet, much like Junpei (though Inumaki being quiet had much more to do with his cursed speech technique and a lot less to do with his personality). Still, his senior was funny, and a lot less intimidating than either Maki or Panda, though Junpei loved them all the same.
The second years were out of town this whole week, so Junpei was left alone to tend to the garden, not that it was a bother. He was never much of an early-riser type, but waking up with the sun and spending some alone time outside was strangely peaceful.
“Hey,” he heard Yuuji call out, his voice raspy and tired. “What are you doing out here?”
Junpei and his boyfriend hadn’t had the opportunity to spend much time together the past few weeks. They were often assigned different missions, and given that his boyfriend was Sukuna’s vessel, it was understandable that Itadori would be kept a lot more busy.
“Inumaki-senpai asked me to take care of his flowers while he’s gone.” Itadori hummed in response, walking over and planting himself on the grass next to Junpei. “You’re going to get your uniform dirty,” he said, noting how his boyfriend was already dressed for the day. “Another mission?”
It was a rhetorical question, because he knew that the answer was yes.
Usually, Itadori was gone before Junpei had even woken up, coming back well after he had fallen asleep, and no matter how hard Junpei tried to stay awake, to at least spend some time with his boyfriend after-hours, he just couldn’t help the slumber that took over.
Yuuji yawned, nodding. “I didn’t know that senpai had a garden.”
Junpei laid the watering can next to him, deciding what the hell, and sitting down on the grass next to his boyfriend. “Yeah, he’s been showing me how to take care of it.”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately, haven’t you?”
Junpei smiled. “Jealous?” He joked, sarcasm laced in his tone.
“Very," Itadori answered, not at all joking.
Junpei tried to hide his blush, because he didn’t expect Yuuji to take him seriously, much less give him a serious answer. “O-oh,” he muttered. After all the things that they’ve done together, Junpei still couldn’t understand why his heart would still beat as fast as the first time. “Well, he’s just keeping me company. He doesn’t like me or anything. Actually, he has a boyfriend too, and, well, he knows I’m with you... so...”
”I know that, silly. But I can’t help it. I just miss you so much.”
Yuuji’s responses were always unexpected, but not because his responses were anything out-of-the-ordinary—no, it was because Junpei still couldn’t believe that anyone would feel that way towards him, that anyone would love being around him so much that without his presence, he would be missed.
Junpei was still learning to love himself. Yuuji was still teaching him how.
”I miss you too,” because I always miss you. Junpei never considered himself a clingy person, but he would be lying if he said that his heart didn't ache for Yuuji when he was gone.
“Ah, what to do,” Yuuji said, fisting his shirt right over where his heart should be. “You’re so cute, I don’t know what to do with myself.”
”Kiss me.”
He hadn’t meant to say it out loud—didn’t think he would ever have the bravery to—but it’s just been so long since he’s kissed his boyfriend. He couldn’t help the greediness that he felt.
And Yuuji had kissed him with no hesitation, as needy and as perfect as always.
He really missed his boyfriend, could feel the butterflies bubble at the pit of his stomach. He was (they both were) so preoccupied that he hadn’t even noticed the sound of feet stomping angrily on the grass behind them.
“Oi!” Something hard—a shoe, Junpei later noted—smacked against Yuuji, the force so hard that he landed face first into the flowers. Junpei fearfully looked back, recognizing that outraged voice anywhere. “Idiot A, Idiot B, how many times have I told you two, no PDA!!”
Yuuji groaned, rubbing the spot where the shoe had bashed into him. “Just because your single doesn’t mean we should all have to suffer with you, Kugisaki.”
And if Kugisaki wasn’t angry before, she definitely was now, marching up to Itadori the way a lion would stalk it’s prey. And if Junpei didn’t think of anything soon, then his boyfriend might as well be as good as dead.
“What are you doing up so early, Kugisaki?” Junpei asked. She wasn’t a morning person, and she only got up this early when she absolutely had to. Junpei soon learned after transferring that it was best to steer clear of Kugisaki at least an hour after she woke up. If you didn’t, well, then this happened.
”Yeah,” his boyfriend pitched in. “It’s unlike you to be up so early.”
Kugisaki stopped dead in her tracks. That struck a nerve.
”Oh, are you going to spare with Maki-senpai?” Itadori asked.
“That’s none of your business, idiot," she said.
Oh. Junpei quickly made the connection.
“Senpai is out of town,” Junpei said. “All the second-years are going to be out of town this week. She didn’t tell you?”
Kugisaki blushed, growing shy, and then, “Idiots! Of course she told me, I just forgot it was this week. And anyways, I wasn’t even planning on sparring with Maki-san! Don’t go making up stories in your head!” She yelled, stomping off in the very same manner she entered.
Junpei waited until she was back inside before turning to his boyfriend. “Are you okay,” he asked, noticing how a red mark began to form on Yuuji’s cheek. Killer aim, as expected of Kugisaki. It would be a miracle if it didn’t bruise later on.
Junpei brought his hand up, cold fingertips softly brushing up against the sore spot. Yuuji leaned into the touch, chasing after it.
”Yeah. She didn’t throw it that hard, it just took me by surprise.” Junpei highly doubted that, but he pondered that his boyfriend might just have a very high pain tolerance.
Yuuji snuggled against his touch, time passing by without a care to either of them. It never really mattered anyways, as long as they were together.
But then, as all things must come to an end, Yuuj’s phone pinged in his pocket. A text message. No—more than one—and they didn’t stop coming.
Yuuji groaned again, silencing his phone and shoving it back into his pocket. “Have to go?” Junpei questioned, faking a smile because he figured he shouldn’t take up any more of his boyfriend’s time.
”Should I skip?” He asked. Junpei knew he didn’t mean it, because Yuuji wanted to get stronger. He wanted to get stronger as fast as possible to save everyone, which is part of what Junpei loved so much about him.
”You couldn’t even if you tried.”
”Well, I haven’t tried yet, so you can’t be sure of that.”
The idea was tempting, but simply impossible. “Go. I’ll still be here when you get back, and anyways, if you’re around me then I won’t be able to focus on my missions,” he teased.
Yuuji pouted, his bottom lip jutting out. “Promise me you won’t replace me with Inumaki-senpai.”
Junpei rolled his eyes, a slight pink painting his cheeks because he didn't know that Yuuji had a jealous side. “That’s impossible. No one could ever replace you. You’re the one I’m in love with, idiot.”
Yuuji kissed him at that, a small peck, and then another, and another, and—
Junpei laughed, forcing himself out of Yuuji’s grasp because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have ever been able to let his boyfriend go. ”You have to go.” Yuuji kissed him once more, this time longer and lingering.
”I’ll miss you,” his boyfriend said, jumping up and dusting off his pants.
“I’ll miss you more.”
That made Yuuji smile, bright and beautiful as always.
He watched his boyfriend run off, laughing as he thought about the scolding that Yuuji was surely going to get for being so late.