Chapter Text
The first time someone kissed Hajime, he was eighteen years old and just lost an arm wrestling competition for the first time in three years (even though his opponent had clearly cheated). It was just a kiss on his hand, so it probably didn't really count as the first time someone kissed him, but to Hajime it didn't make a big difference.
His entire body was burning up, his skin tingling where Hanamaki's lips had brushed against his hand, and Hajime thought if he were to move, he'd explode.
Up to that moment, Hajime had assumed that he knew what was going on. He was in love with his three best friends, the people he knew the best and trusted the most. He had fallen for them slowly but deeply, finding more and more reasons to love them with every day that went by.
Hajime was in love with his three best friends and up to that very moment, he had been sure that they did not love him back, none of them, that is. He had been sure that the only world, where he'd get kissed by at least one of them, was the one inside of his dreams.
But then that had happened. It had been nothing more but a hint of a kiss, over in the blink of an eye, but it still felt like something more. Hajime could see the blush on Hanamaki's cheeks and how much deeper his friend's inhaled, as if he was trying to catch his breath.
Up to that moment, Hajime had been sure that he knew what was going on. He had always been quite perceiptive, noticing his friends' emotions even when they hid them behind a smile or a shrug of their shoulders, but this time it seemed like Hajime hadn't noticed anything at all.
In the two minutes after the kiss on his hand, Hajime sat still, staring straight forward and slowly processing what he had realized then and there.
No matter how observant Hajime deemed himself to be, this time he hadn't seen what had been happening right in front of him. Because maybe there was a slight chance that his feelings weren't as one-sided as Hajime had assumed, maybe there was a chance that one person out of three of his friends liked him back.
What do I do now?
Hajime decided that he was going to be bold, because if there was a chance that his feelings were reciprocated, then he had to take it.
That was why Hajime didn't accuse Hanamaki of cheating, didn't try to fix his pride and get back his title of the undefested arm wrestling champion of Aoba Johsai. Instead, he waited until Hanamaki had turned around, face pale and the hint of regret showing on his face (though Hajime didn't know if it was because of the kiss or because of the cheating) and then he said the cheesiest thing that had ever left his mouth.
"But next time you want to kiss me, do it properly."
Hajime smirked, trying not to show how goddamn nervous he was. Even though he was certain that Hanamaki was somehow attracted to him, there was still a chance that he'd gotten all of this wrong and that Hanamaki was just a cheeky little shit who really wanted to win against him in arm wrestling.
Hanamaki's face went blank for a few seconds and Hajime wondered if he had messed up big time.
Shit, he thought, I jumped too fast.
And then, Hanamaki grinned back at him.
"Is that so?"
Hajime's heart stuttered in his chest and his smirk fell.
Oh, he thought, oh god.
He could feel his face heat up and he looked down, embarrassment and a bit of nervousness rushing through his veins and making his body burn again.
"I'll take it back if you keep being an ass," Hajime muttered, trying to keep at least a bit of his composure.
"May I then?" Hanamaki asked, his voice a little shaky and the words coming out slowly. It was cute, somehow, because Hajime could tell that he was trying to be cool and collected. Not that Hajime was any better.
But he didn't waste anymore thoughts on that. Instead, he looked up, seeing Hanamaki's slightly red cheeks and dark grey eyes, and leaned in to connect their lips.
Hajime didn't exactly know how kissing worked but this seemed nice. Hanamaki tasted sweet (which was definetely because of those stupid cream puffs he inhaled like air) and salty at the same time, though the latter was probably just the aftertaste of all the sweating during practice.
It felt good and after they pulled away for the first time, Hajime didn't step away from Hanamaki. He stayed close, his hands on the other's cheeks, so that they could kiss again and again and again, until Hajime remembered that time was a thing and that he should probably get home soon if he didn't want his parents to worry.
They walked together, just the two of them, hands intertwined and a comfortable silence between them. Hajime wondered if they'd stay like this, if this was a serious thing. He wondered if Oikawa and Matsukawa tasted different from Hanamaki, if they kissed different too. He wondered if this was what love was and he wondered why he hadn't seen it before.
~
Apparently, Hanamaki did like him like that - him and Matsukawa and Oikawa. It was a little hard for Hajime to wrap his head around that because why didn't he notice but it still made his heart flutter and his chest feel fuzzy.
The week after their kiss (Matsukawa insisted on calling it 'a stunt') felt softer than usual.
Hajime wasn't quite used to being soft like that, at least not in the sense of forehead kisses and hand holding and ice cream dates. It was kind of nice though, at least better than feeling this hollow feeling in his chest every time he thought about the other two of his friends.
Being in a relationship with Hanamaki turned out to be only slightly different from being friends with him, the soft stuff aside. They still joked about each other, still had stupid competitions and still pushed their elbows into the other's side for the sake of being a tease.
Sometimes they talked about Oikawa and Matsukawa, about their feelings for them and all of the reasons why they felt this way. Both of them were content with it because it was important to talk about something like that in a relationship and it was also nice to finally be able to say what had been locked up in Hajime's heart for so long.
He may have had a problem with recognizing love, attraction or whatever you'd call Hanamaki's feelings for him but love in general didn't seem all that difficult or strange.
~
The first time Hajime watched someone who wasn't him kiss his boyfriend, he had been in a relationship for a week now and had somehow managed to end up at Oikawa's house with the entire team. They had played the King Game because it was fun and everyone seemed to be grateful to have something to do. And then Watari had been King and he'd ordered number one and four to kiss.
It turned out that Hajime's boyfriend was number one while Matsukawa Issei, one of the people Hanamaki and Hajime both were madly in love with, was number four.
Hanamaki had agreed to it after a quick look at Hajime. Matsukawa was a little hesitant but never said anything against it. Oikawa on the other hand didn't seem all too pleased with the idea. Hajime wondered if he was missing something there but he couldn't think of anything.
However, Hanamaki and Matsukawa ended up kissing despite Oikawa's worries.
They looked good together, in a way that made Hajime's heart speed up and his breath leave his lungs.
"I would have thought you were the jealous type, Iwa-chan," Oikawa had said before.
Hajime wondered if he should be jealous. His best friend and his boyfriend were kissing and it didn't look like a kiss that two friends would share, even more considering that one of them was dating someone. It didn't look like something that happened once and was then joked about forever.
They looked like they had been waiting for this moment for years without even really knowing it, leaning towards each other in a way that friends usually didn't do.
Maybe he should be jealous. Maybe he should yell at them to stop and then tell Matsukawa to fuck off but Hajime didn't want to do any of that. He didn't want them to stop because this moment was a part of a dream, a wish, that he'd never dare to talk about with anyone that wasn't Hanamaki.
A dream where Hanamaki and Matsukawa kissed because they wanted to and not because of a dare. The dream usually continued with one of them or Oikawa kissing Hajime and the four of them staying together under the stars.
Reality wasn't like that though. In reality, Matsukawa pulled away from Hanamaki, looking at him and then at Hajime with a guilty expression on his face, before he stood up and left.
Hajime wanted to yell at him to stay and hear them out, wanted to tell him that it was okay but he couldn't seem to open his mouth. Hajime stayed on the floor, mouth open and eyes wide, once again processing what he had just seen.
Hajime stayed frozen on the floor for the same reason that had made him want to stop Matsukawa from leaving: because he was certain that Matsukawa loved Hanamaki.
"Fuck," said boy breathed, turning to look at Hajime, "I messed up."
His eyes were widened and his panic couldn't have been more obvious if the word fear had been written on his forehead.
"It's okay," Hajime managed to get out, his voice barely louder than a whisper, "I don't think you did."
"Did you see his face?" Hanamaki looked like he was about to burst into tears. "He probably hates me."
"Don't be stupid." Hajime grabbed Hanamaki's hand, pulling the other on his feet as he stood up. "He doesn't hate you. I don't think he could. But we need to talk to him."
"He probably doesn't want to talk to me," Hanamaki gripped Hajime's wrist tightly. "I didn't want this to happen."
Hajime sighed.
"I know," he said softly, "But it'll all be okay. We just need to go now, okay? Trust me, everything will be just fine."
Hanamaki didn't look like he truly believed Hajime but he let go of him. He waved at their team mates awkwardly before walking in the direction of the door.
"Sorry for this mess," Hajime said, looking at Oikawa, "I'll make it up to you."
Oikawa didn't answer. Instead, he looked up at Hajime, frowning a little and eyeing his friend closely.
"Are you okay?"
Hajime blinked a few times.
Yes, he thought, I'm okay because Matsukawa seems to love Hanamaki and that's what he wanted and I'm happy for them because I love them both.
No, he thought, I'm not okay because Matsukawa seems to love Hanamaki and Hanamaki loves him back and I love both of them so much it hurts. But I'm sure that Matsukawa doesn't like me and now I don't know what will happen to me once they talk about their feelings.
Hajime wasn't jealous, not in the slightest, but there was this feeling of hollow pain in his chest that made it a little harder to breathe.
"It'll be fine," Hajime responded after a while, "Don't worry about it too much or else the wrinkles will stay."
Oikawa huffed and smiled a bit. Hajime wanted to lean down and kiss him softly but apart from the fact that this was definetely not the time, it didn't seem like he was the right person either.
"Good luck," Yahaba interrupted, "Or something, I guess."
"Thanks," Hajime answered, waving at his friends a last time before he followed Hanamaki out of the door.
~
The first time Hajime told someone he loved them, he was standing in Matsukawa Issei's kitchen, his heart in his hands and ready to see it being torn apart.
"You're in love with him and I'm in love with him," he had said (about Hanamaki of course).
And then, "I don't only love Hanamaki. I love you too, you know?"
He'd been ready to be rejected, ready to see a piece of his heart fall off and die in his hands. But Matsukawa had only stared at him for a few seconds before stuttering, "I love both of you too."
"What?" Hajime breathed.
His heart made cartwheels in his chest and he could feel the weight of all the thousand worries, "what if"s and hopeless fantasies fall off his shoulders.
"I said I love you too," Matsukawa repeated, "For three years now."
"Oh."
Hajime didn't know what to say other than that. He could feel his heart soar and hear his mind cheer. Every single word seemed to have left his brain, instead there was just the captivating feeling of fuzziness and love that made his heart swell.
"I love you and Makki and Oikawa. All three of you."
"I love all three of you too," Hanamaki grinned and Hajime's heart fluttered even though he had already known that.
"Me too," he said, a smile forming on his lips.
It was funny, he thought, how long this had been going on and how long he had thought that this was all some stupid, hopeless love story that his mother would enjoy to see in one of her romantic drama shows.
Hajime didn't mind though. Even though it was cheesy and sappy and kind of stupid too, he felt light inside. And when he kissed Matsukawa only a few minutes later, it seemed like romantic dramas weren't all that bad to live in.
~
The first time Hajime realized he had three boyfriends now, he was eighteen years old and watching his childhood friend kiss his two other best friends after they had all dramatically confessed to each other like they were actually in a badly written romance novel.
The three of them looked good together, almost like they were made to be with each other. They locked lips once, twice and then again while Hajime sat there and watched.
He was smiling slightly, his heart melting in his chest. His hand was still resting on top of Matsukawa's and his entire body was burning, just like it had done a little less than two weeks ago when he'd kissed Hanamaki in that exact locker room.
Back then, Hajime had jumped, had taken a chance to find out whether he was loved back or not. Back then, Hajime had been brave and bold. Right now, Hajime was neither.
~
Three days before, when Matsukawa had said that he was sure Oikawa loved them too, Hajime had frowned.
Once is a chance, twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern, his brain had supplied helpfully, and four times means that you don't know anything about love.