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2021-03-17
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2021-03-17
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2/?
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Venom in my Veins

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uploaded from my wattpad @/jeterosexual

probably typos? idk at this point

Chapter 1: Rising

Chapter Text

 

It's the middle of the night, the dark, almost jet black sky not allowing any light to pass through. Regardless of the darkness sinking her in, Suki is still wide awake. Laying at the edge of her bed, not being able to see anything and only feeling the warm, thick, blanket press against her cold, smooth skin, her leg slightly leaning out, the only thing she's able to hear is the slight tapping of her foot against the wooden bedframe, accompanied with the whirling winds slamming against her shut window in her room. A bit startled every time in presses in between the wooden shutters, letting a small gust of air into her room. It was a cold night, more freezing than usual on ember island. In the moment, she breaks the silence, blinking her eyes and sitting up, the bed frame squeaking as she's panting. Staring at the mirror across from her. She throws off her sheets and get off of it, slamming her foot that was hanging out into the frame. Immediately falling back onto her bed with pain. She sucks it up, a slight thud wasn't going to stop her from going to this event, not tonight, not ever. She tiptoes across the room, trying not to make any creaking sounds in the wood panels. She throws on her black baggy pants, nearly the same color as the sky, and her moss green blouse, but doesn't get into the rest of her kyoshi warrior gettup. Tying a dark purple cloak that her girlfriend, Katara, got her, with one of her bobby pins. She looks back into the mirror, staring at her pearly, bluish- green eyes. She sighs, pressing her hand against the mirror. Does she really want to do this? Yes, of course she does, and she wants to bring Katara. Even though the war ended over a year ago, groups, societies, a lot of things, still stayed corrupt, regardless if it was in the Earth Kingdom or Fire Nation. She slips on her loose, black, cloth gloves, tucking them underneath her sleeves. She goes over to her closet and lifts the door will swinging it open, trying to be as quiet as possible. She was lucky Toph wasn't at the beach house tonight, she left ember island early to go back to the Earth Kingdom. It was just Suki, Katara, Sokka and Aang. Aang however, wasn't completely reliant on his seismic sense, so she didn't really have to worry about him but it's better to stay safe and quiet and not have anyone find out. Just as she pulls up her leather boots, the gust of the wind shocks her again. Not needing to jerk her head over, knowing it's the window shutters. She pulls her hoodie over her head and slides out of her room and into the hallway. She looks into the room adjacent to hers, Katara's, and runs in.

 

"Katara? Katara-" Suki whispers, leaning into the doorway. 

"I'm still up, I didn't sleep." Katara lets out a few words, leaning onto the wall for support as she pulls herself up. Suki immediately knows why. Her heart beating, she's nervous. 

"Is it because of the-" Katara raises her hand and Suki stops mid-sentence. Katara lowers her hand, staring into Suki's beating eyes. Katara breaks her gaze, turns away, and utters,

"Yeah... Suki, it is," She pauses for a second and jerks her head back to look at Suki again. She's worried, Suki doesn't know how she's going to react and she's trying to act collective on the outside but is a total mess on the inside. A bit of sweat drips down her face but she wipes it away. Katara cusps her hands together and continues,

"I don't even know what we are really going to or- I just- no one even knows we are.... together.... and I don't want to risk that." She sighs, happy to get it all out of her system. Suki is relieved too, she walks over to Katara and kneels down next to her, laying one of her hands against Katara's cusped palms and caressing her face with the other. Katara looks back at her as Suki remarks,

"Katara, I've been to these meetings before and I'd never intentionally get us in to a situation where either of us could get hurt." Katara's worried expression turns into a smile, Suki moves her hand from Katara's cheek to her shoulder, feeling the cloth of the strap of her bright red crop top.

"I love you, Katara." Suki leans in closer and the two share a kiss. They take a minute, just to stare at each other,

"Let's go Suki." Katara smirks, she grabs a black, thick coated sweater, hanging from the edge of her bed and throws it on, going perfectly with her loose, navy blue pants, her red shirt poking out, creating a good contrast. She had both the shirt and sweater from when she was hiding in the Fire Nation and she's happy they have some purpose again. She pulls on her boots and just as she is about to head out, Suki taps her on the shoulder.

"Wear this." She tosses a cloak similar to the one she has on to Katara. 

" What- why do I need a red cloak?" Katara responds, rightfully confused, she tosses the cloak onto her bed. 

" Katara calm down, it's just so you won't get recognized. These meetings are very private and we don't want people from those meetings just randomly walking up to us, especially when we are with the rest of.. " She takes a breath, and snaps her head towards the hallway, she looks back at Katara then whispers,

"especially when we are with the rest of them." Katara nods, with a striking look on her face, just as Suki is about to walk out of the room, she leans forward and grasps onto her fingertips. 

"Do you really know what we are getting ourselves into?" Katara is well aware of what Suki said earlier, but tenses up again. Suki steps closer to Katara and is greeted by her worried expression. Without another word she holds onto Katara, tightening her loving embrace. 

"I don't really know exactly, but I have a feeling we are doing the right thing." Katara lets go of her embrace and grabs the cloak from her bed, tying it in front with a knot. Before she can even flip the hood over her head, Suki grabs her hand and they both run off.

_______________________________________________________________________

The sky is still pitch black, the ocean reflecting the bit of stars still left in the sky. Waves pushing against the eel hound carrying Suki and Katara. They were only a meer thirty minutes away from the coast of the Earth KIngdom. Normally it'd take longer than that and they wouldn't make it to at least dawn, but with the help of Katara's waterbending, she was able to propel them across the vast, deep ocean. Katara gazing at the calm and peaceful stars, leaning against Suki's shoulder, her hand pressing against the skin of the eel hound. A voice breaks the silence,

"Katara, we are almost there, do you mind propelling us one more time." Suki's soft tone matching perfectly with the mood. 

"Yeah, of course Suki, I'm just really tired at the moment." Katara yawns, moving her arms towards the front of Suki, wanting to rest but holding on so she doesn't fall off. This elongated path was tedious, but something made it soothing for Katara. The part of her that was impatient was eating her away but she didn't take notice to it. Suki, like Katara, was exhausted as well. As much as she wanted to drift away and take this moment to rest- she couldn't.

"That's alright." Suki looks back at Katara, seeing the eyebags that have formed from her being up so long, she pulls her closer to her, Katara's entire body leaning on Suki's arched back. She wish she could have moments like this with Katara all the time. Just relaxing and living off of the vibe the world radiates back to them. But even though this world has entered a peaceful era, it's has a visible scar. One that just doesn't disappear because the war had ended. There will always be effects on every actions. Drawbacks. Suki and Katara were dragged in a situation where they have to protect this world, and they won't hesitate to do so; they want to protect the places they call home, and the people they love... especially each other.

Suki, lost in her deep thoughts, caves in and drifts off for a bit, only a second. Leaning on the back of her eel hound, brushing her hand against its side, her other hand holding onto Katara's. The sound of the water splashing became softer, the waves not using all off its energy to push against them. Almost as if it as crashing into something else. Katara cracks her eyes open, only being able to see a little bit behind Suki, peering through an opening, she sees something-

"Suki!" She calls, she presses herself up and slowly lifts Suki up. Rubbing her eyes, she once again turns back to look at Katara. 

"Sorry- I fell asleep. What's going-" As she says this, she turns around and see's... land! The remains of the Wulong forest. Still having burt land, broken pillars, broken ship parts. It hasn't been touched since, a scar... still there. 

"Guess I don't need to tell you." Katara smirks, nudging Suki. Suki lets out a giggle as the eel hounds feet press against the grainy sand. Katara and Suki both slide off of the eel. Both putting their hoods of their heads and getting what they need. Katara following Suki, through and in between the pillars. A realization comes to her.

"I'm going to take my water skin.... just in case." She looks back into Suki's eyes, a bit scared but also not, knowing Suki was reasonable.

"I don't think we have anything to worry about but by all means go get it." Suki exchanges a smile, watching Katara grab it off of the back of the eel hound then running towards her, her boots sinking into the uneven sand, bushing up against her pants and cloak. They start walking more into the center of the earth pillar patch. In the corner of the eye, Katara could see something, a man, hiding behind the a pile of earth rock, his face covered with a hood, his shadow dismophicilly widdened and displayed on a rock pillar next to them. 

"Suki, look-"Katara point to the man. He takes notice and makes himself visible. Without a word, Suki waves at him and grabs Katara's arm, pulling her closer while cusping her hand over her ear and whispering,

"Don't say your real name once we get inside." She smiles and they both start heading towards the man, holding onto her hoods. Another man appears from behind the formation,  he tugs onto Suki's hand, making her tumblr closer towards him. In a groggy, harsh tone, he spits out

"When you base your expectations only on what you see," He pauses mid sentence and stares at Suki. She holds on tight to Katara's hand, then responds,

"You blind yourself to the possibilities of a new reality." She lifts her head up and exchanges a sinister but good natured beam with the second man. He bows down then moves over to the side, away from them, in synchrony with the other man, they both stiffen their stances and put their foot down, making a lot of contact with the earth, and lift up a secret doorway with earth bending, both sliding the makeshift earth doors open, leading to a tunnel, with seemingly endless stairs. 

"Welcome my sisters." His voice echoes down the the tunnel, bouncing off the walls, repeating itself. Ingrained in their heads. Suki links her arm with Katara's as they head down the stairwell. the light emitted from the night sky and shining into the tunnel slowly fading away, almost matching the darkness from earlier in Suki's room. Not even able to see Katara anymore, clinging onto her arm. Katara unhooks her water skin and encompasses her free hand in water, using the healing abilities she had been gifted with to radiate a bit of light for the both of them. Now just being able to see her surroundings. They finally reach the bottom of the steps, and here the door close behind them. They walk into the room, Katara's light not being as useful as it was before, she can tell this carven was huge. She can see a few silhouettes of others and heads to the front of the cave.

"We have to sit in the back, we are new members." Suki hangs onto her arm, even with the limited light source, Katara can still see Suki blushing. She pulls Katara towards the back and they find themselves a seat in the middle of a long earth bench. Stepping over it and sitting down. 

"Su- I mean.. uhhh, hey... what's going on?" Katara studders, almost breaking the only rule they had for themselves. In the midst of the moment, a bunch of fire blasts come from all angles of the room, flickering on the torches on the side of the wall. The few people Katara thought she saw turned out to be hundreds of people, all in the cavern, all gathered. Suki and Katara scooch closer together, Suki's arm wrapped around Katara like a bird's wing. Katara analyzing a big red insignia painted on the front of the cavern, it's almost like a pattern, her analysis interrupted, by a voice. 

"Welcome brothers and sisters." A figure enters the room, towering over everyone else. 

A firebender?   Katara thought, kind of shocked in a sense. That's at least until the water from Katara's hand melted away. She didn't do that.... who was this person?

"I understand you might be scared at first, but I can assure you there is nothing to be afraid about." Everyone was silent, even though they weren't directly looking at Katara, Suki knew they were talking about her, she's been to a meeting before, enough to know this person mannerisms, although she never caught their name.

" I should make it clear, I'm not afraid to state anything in here, I'm not afraid of anyone. Let me introduce myself, I am Xai Bau, the person who organized this event. You might know why you are here, or you might not, so let me explain. The treachery this world has gone through it unjust. We shouldn't have to be relying on one person to stop a war, there shouldn't even have been a war in the first place. The hierarchy in this world has directly torn it. The separation of elements and nations is foolish. We should all be able to live as one, not following anyone else..."

Suki slowly lets go of the hug with Katara, holding onto her hand. 

"The leaders in the world have done nothing to help us, or have even directly harmed us. Ignoring the effects this war had on all of us won't make anything better. "

Katara, at first agreeing with Xai Bau, was now shocked. 

That isn't true... maybe some of it is but people like Aang and the Earth King were put at a disadvangent and still managed to end the war. What was this person even going on about. 

Still, she didn't want to be judgmental, this was only the second phrase she heard from them.

" Keeping the nations separate is just as idiotic as keeping us seperated from spirits, most humans still ignorant about their existence. If Avatar Wan couldn't even keep peace with spirits, how are we supposed to have peace and freedom with ourselves. Being held down by firelords or king's doesn't do us any justice."

Suki now also confused, wants to stand up and ask a question, but in favor of not revealing her identity, questions to herself,

Where are they going with this? Who is Avatar Wan ? 

"We are a secret society, dedicated to restoring freedom to the world."

Suki's confusion drifts away, she lifts her chin up, her face with no expression, just understandment . Katara on the other hand is fearful, her eyes widen, the flames from the walls reflecting onto her eyes, drops of sweat starting to form, she also pulls it together and puts her head up, but it's obvious to everyone in the room that she's nervous. Making her feelings heightened is when everyone else in the room, even Suki, stIll hanging onto her arm, stand up, and in unicine, in a cutting, proclamation state,

"We are the Red Lotus."

 

Chapter 2: Sun

Chapter Text

Katara was frozen, the words from Xai Bau echoing in her head, repeating itself, becoming incomprehensible. She trusts Suki but she wants to know in all honestly what this is all about, what if she doesn't actually know what this is about and she's just as confused as Katara-

What even is the Red Lotus?  Katara knew that they just explained their meaning but where did it come from- is it in any way related to the White Lotus? 

She was lost her thoughts, she didn't even notice that everyone sat back down, that's until..

"Hey, are you alright?" Suki asked, concerned about her, she admits she might be a bit selfish to just expect Katara to be onboard with this idea at first, she certainly wasn't, and to be completely honest, this is only her second meeting, she isn't exactly 100% on board with it either. Katara turns to look at Suki, not saying anything, still in her state of shock. Suki's eyes gleaming, looking back at her,

"Oh sorry, I'm good." She chokes up and gives an awkward, crooked smile back and turns her head to face Xai Bau, not directly facing Suki but can feel her latch onto her wrist. The amplified voice from the front catches her attention.

"The way this world glorifies and respects it's leaders over the people who actually helped this world fall from destruction is truly disgraceful, we shouldn't be looking up to kings and queens." Xai bau pauses for a second to look around and then directly makes eye contact with Suki, not moving a muscle, not even daring to bat an eye. 

"Don't even think of me as a leader," he scoffs, "Think of me as a friend, an ally, we are all in this together, there is no turning back now." They stare down Suki for a few more seconds and chuckle before breaking their gaze with her. Suki sighs in relief, she presses her hand against her face, blocking out the light. Her head is pounding, worse than any headache she's had before. She snaps her hand back from Katara's wrist, pushing her fingers against her forehead. Sweat... no.. it's.. water... running down forehead. 

What the fuck is going on ? She rubs her eyes, hoping the excruciating pain will vanish into thin air, right where it came from, but her valid attempts fail. Her vision gets worse, everything around her turns blurry, not visible. She's never had problems with her eyesight before. The entire room spinning, she can't seem to gain control or focus or anything. Only the figure, at the front, Xai Bau, the only silhouette she can make out. The only thing she can try to focus on. She closes her eyes again, trying to see if she can focus more on the silhouette, but when she blinks them open.... their gone, she can't see them, she isn't even remotely in the same room as them, everything is gone, it's dark, but she's not outside, she's not ... anywhere. It's a pitch black abyss. There is no surroundings, nothing at all. Suki looks down at her hands, she can see them clear as day, crystal. She tries to pull herself up but something grabs onto her, she doesn't think anything of it but once she tries to pull her other arm up, something grabs onto it too, pulling her down, sinking her feet into the 'floor'. Her original nonchalant vibes turn into terror, the water running down her face again, her pupils dilating. She tries to scream but no words come out, hanging onto the ounce of control she has left. She hears a voice... Katara's... but she can't make out what she is saying. Without any say herself, her control, her focus slips through the cracks. The void, pulling her in.

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"Suki.. Suki?" Katara pulls Suki's head from her lap and moves it to face her, whispering into her ear, no one else being able to hear Katara reveal her identity. Her cold hands against her burning hot face. Suki groans, trying to say something but the only thing projecting is a bunch of gibberish. Katara's worried attitude results in her having a slight annoyance, she lightly slaps Suki's face and her eyes begin to open

"Kat-" Suki slowly mutters, Katara lets go to hug her but Suki immediately collapses into her arms.

"Are you okay?" Katara steadily lifts her back up and the sharp pain strikes again, Suki leaning back into Katara's arms, a tear dripping down her face. Katara puts her hand under Suki's hood and snaps back her hand right after touching her forehead, 

"You're so hot, what the hell happened?" Katara's concern takes over her, she holds Suki in her arms.

"Tell me something I don't know." Suki chuckles, the pain still seeping through her voice. Katara cautiously puts her hand back under Suki's hood, combing her fingers through her delicate hair, calming Suki down. As she's doing this, she looks around the arena, she knows Xai Bau saying 'There is no turning back now' wasn't literal, but she can't help thinking there was a literal component to that. Looking around, all the exits seemed to have makeshift doors, formed by earthbending, covering them. Honestly not in the mood to try to guess whatever door they came in through, she spots the nearest door, with what she assumes to be an earth bender posted in front. She looks down at Suki, she has no idea what possibly could be going on but she knows she needs to help her. 

"Hey, can you get up." Without another word Suki slings her arm over Katara's shoulder and they both throw their legs over the bench, Katara pulling Suki up as they make their way to the exit. Taking advantage of Xai Bau being distracted. They both make their way to the earth door, just to be confronted by the guard,

"The meeting isn't over, you can't exactly leave yet." His deep voice piercing into her soul.

"Can you just open the door I have to-" Before Katara can even finish her request, she gets rudely interrupted by that same piercing voice. 

"Can you listen to what I have to say- I'm not opening this door." Katara's annoyance is abundant at this point, you can feel the tension, if she had the water , she would have knocked him down. She wasn't even trying to leave anyways, she just needed a spot to concentrate. 

"Can I actually finish my sentence," she scoffs, Suki falls unconscious again, Katara trying not to let go of her.  "My friend here is hurt and I'm a healer, I don't want to distract anyone." She remarks as she looks up at the man, giving a sharp look back at him, her eyes, deadly. 

"Sorry ma'am." The mans embarrassment obvious. As he gets into his stance, Katara swoops her arm under Suki's legs and lifts her up. The door slides down and Katara nearly stumbles into the staircase, still holding onto Suki, she moves up a few steps before resting her in a corner and pulling down her hood, blocking her body so no one can see them. She takes off the cap of the water skin and only manages to encompass one of her hands.

This isn't going to be enough  she looks back at Suki and then closes her eyes, trying to get an idea or two. Her eyes blink open, she raises her hand and swings it a bit in the air, relieved, she pulls water from the air, enough to encompass both her hands. She puts her hands around Suki's head and the water starts swirling and glowing. Traveling all around Suki's head. She tries to put more pressure on the tension and then,

"Where am I?" Suki snaps back up, the water falling off her head and right back into Katara's hands. Quickly putting the water back into her water skin and rushing over to Suki.

"We are at the meeting, are you okay, what happened-" 

"I'm fine thanks to you." She pauses and looks back at Katara, with a smile, but then jerks her head away.

"I don't remember anything, I just remember this.. pain," a shiver runs down her spine "and then I remember waking up to you." Katara puts her hand against Suki's cheek, they lean in closer together and press their foreheads together. 

"Let's head back to the meeting." Katara suggests, she pulls Suki's hood back over her head, and lifts her up, they head out of the hallway and Katara nods at the guard, he lifts the door back up. They both sit down at the bench and again focus 100% on what's happening at the front. This time another person accompanying Xai Bau, a girl, her jet black hair waving from underneath her hood, the ends uneven. Suki spotting a glitter in her eyes, a very familiar shine, however she can't put her finger on where she's seen it before. She tries to get a better look but the headache she had doesn't make it exactly easy. After all, she doesn't think too much about it and shrugs off the suspicion. She looks over to Katara, the light casting a shadow, along with an inner glow, something charming and welcoming. Katara notices Suki staring at her, lost in her beauty. She reaches her hand out to hold onto Suki's and leans in closet, their heads leaning against each other, their distracted thoughts withering away as the girl in the front begins her monologue like speech.

"These 'nations' and governments do not care about the people and I've seen it first hand." Her voice showcased her concern, but there was also a malicious factor to it. 

"Like our great friend Xai Bau here, I also was on the other side of things, the wrong side of things, supporting rulers that could care less about us, and I was ashamed of it." She snarkily remarks, turning to face Xai Bau, her grin visible from miles away. Murmurs arise in the crowd, mostly full of confusion and shock.

"Is she telling the truth?" Katara whispers to Suki,

"I don't know- I've never seen her before." Suki's just as bewildered as Katara is. Both of them see the girl face towards the front again as the murmurs fade away.

"You didn't tell them." She giggles but her tone was completely serious. Flustered, Xai Bau pushes her off to the side,

"Everyone calm down, I have nothing to hide. Before the war ended I was apart of the White Lotus, but their blatant favoritism towards rulers and political figures caused me to turn away and create our society we have here." The reaction quickly turned from confusion to understandment.

"Thanks for telling everyone, I was afraid you were lying for a second." She scoffs as she tilts her head and rests her arm on their shoulder. 

"Actually, I'm glad you brought it up, uhhhh... what should I call you?" Like the crowd moments ago, he was now confused and waiting for an answer.

"You can call me...Jin." She beams as she walks off the platform. Just as she disappears, another woman appears, much older, much much older. Her white and silver hair just peeking through her hood. She might have been older but she was more agile. 

" I don't mean to attack just one nation but my experience with the fire nation has been nothing but horrific-" Her raspy voice, along with her phrases where enough to release old, long forgotten memories for Katara. The disturbance that came along with that voice was to much for her.

"It can't be-" She muttered to herself

"It can't be what?" Suki overheard Katara, once again facing her. Katara, in panic, brushes it off.

"It's nothing... don't worry." She cracks another fake smile, it WAS something but she physically nor mentally couldn't address it. Lost in her train of thought,

Wasn't she was locked away, then let back to the Southern Water Tribe, did Zuko and Aang not do that? No they definitely did, she was sure of it. But even then, what the hell was she doing in the Earth Kingdom? The unwanted thought start rushing back in her mind, she hated that she bloodbended, she hated that she used that power, especially after she promised herself not to. It took a lot of anger and rage to get to that level, and at some degree she's at that level right now, but she's also scared. What if she has to use bloodbending again?

Before she realized it, that lady was no longer on stage, and everyone was rushing out. The meeting had ended. She feels a tug, a pull.

"I know I asked earlier but are you okay?" Suki gestures as she helps lift Katara up from her seat. 

"Um yeah I'm okay," she isn't, she looked directly in Suki's eyes and lied to her, trying to get some of the heat off herself, she asks " but were you okay? I was worried for you back there."

"I'm alright, to be honest I don't remember anything, like I said earlier." 

"Are you sure?" Katara asks, already guilt ridden about her lying to Suki, they make their way to the exit.

"Positive. All I know is that i'm happy you came with me." Suki blushes, clasping onto Katara's hands.

"I'm happy you decide to take me, it was a bit unconventional but I enjoyed it." She smiles, staring off, looking at all the people piling up to leave.

"Race me!" Suki jokingly shoves Katara and runs towards the exit.

"Hey! Wait up!" She rolls her eyes, she knows this is all light hearted but she can't hold onto the lie anymore.

"It's important!" Just as she yells this, a stream of water wraps around her arm and without hesitating she cuts off the connection. Snapping to look behind her to confront whoever tried to pull that stunt. Just to see it was Xai Bau, water extending for a sword handle. She'd never seen anything like it before.

"Wow that was some pretty good waterbending." They complimented her, Katara found it awkward, he was acting awkward. What did they want?

"Oh um thanks, I'm just an amatuer." She spits out the first words that come to her head and immediately regrets dragging it out.

"I'm quite impressed with the effort but you don't have me fooled." This sentence, stinging Katara right in the chest. What does he mean? Why are they even trying to confront her in the first place. At just the right moment, Katara's pleads have been answered as Suki bursts back into the damp cavern.

"What's going on?" She demands to know, tugging onto Katara's forearm while glaring Xai Bau. Not even giving them a second to breathe. 

"Oh, Suki, the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors isn't it? I was just talking to your friend, Katara." Both astounded, it was nearly impossible for him to find out, did they make it obvious? Was it obvious to them? 

"I think you have the wrong people.." Suki utters out, any last valiant effort to try to cover their tracks. 

"I'm not dumb, no amatuer waterbender would be able to heal a headache that severe and have master like reflexives." They give back a sarcastic smile, walking closer to the two. Arguably annoyed.

"What do you want with us-" Katara gained the courage to yell out those words, they have been building up, the confusion , the frustration, the curiosity, she wanted it to end now, she wanted answers. 

"How would you two feel about going on a mission for me, for the Red Lotus."

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Rain.

Raindrops, crashing against the earth's surface, just one sound away front complete and utter silence.

Her shoes, splashing against the puddles. Thunder clashing in the sky. Her black hair sinking into her cloak.

She lied earlier, but that's not the first time that's happened, she's used to it, it's in her nature. She wonders where she went wrong, how did her life get to the place it is now. Jumping from city to city, not finding a permanent place, not finding anything permanent. Her life, unpredictable, unbalanced, unhinged. Hanging on a thread. For the first time she's developed this feeling... regret? No, she feels that all the time. She regrets leaving her girlfriend, back in Ba Sing Se. Leaving, without notice, without sending a letter, without talking to her, without even looking at her in the eyes one last time, before she broke her heart permanently. She regrets hurting the people she loved in the past, regrets not having a better relationship with her family. She doesn't know that those things weren't her fault but she blames herself for it. Tears run down her face, the first tears in a while, in almost a year. Where did she go wrong, was it even before she realized it? She was always..confident before, so self assured. Was it all a lie? Was it real? She wants to let her temper out, her fury, like she used to, but one thing has always stuck with her, her intelligence, now hidden behind a mask, or underneath a hood. The sun rising, the light bouncing off her eyes. Behind her eyes there was pain, trauma. She knows she doubts herself, she just can't grasp the right words for it. She has one thing, that she needs to let go, she's been holding onto it for too long, her undying will for power, it has only harmed her in the long run, but it's the only thing that keeps her together. Or at least that's what she thinks. 

The front she puts on, cocky but sophisticated, being sharp, ready to puncture you in an instance. Her amber orbs glow in the sunlight, that look alone, intimidating. 

Her eyes, deadly.