Chapter Text
Taako stood at the crossroads, the biting wind and surrounding darkness causing him to shiver in his thin jacket from equal parts cold and fear. He looked around furtively, half expecting something to jump out at him from the darkness. How long did it take for a crossroads deal to start anyway? He’d set up the sigils and everything like, at least 5 minutes ago. He checked his watch, tapped his foot, ran a hand through his hair, checked his watch again, let out a sigh, checked his watch once more. If he didn’t have enough time to study for his goddamn exam he certainly didn’t have time to be stood up by a fucking crossroads demon. He’d always assumed it was an automatic thing, like you draw the symbols, light the candles, and poof the person you’d sell your soul to just appeared immediately. Go figures.
He was just about to turn to leave when he felt the air surrounding him grow even colder for a split second before a portal opened up and a tall male figure in a long, dark black coat stepped out. When he was fully out of the portal it snapped closed and Taako noticed that beneath the cowl of the man’s coat there were two glowing red eyes behind a skull.
Taako took a slight step back in surprise, “Uhh… hachi machi my guy, you’re not a demon huh…? Unless they’ve changed your uniform…” Taako struggled to regain his sense of bravado, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, “And if so I’d like to petition for a maid’s costume instead…”
The taller man cleared his throat, brushing some dust off of the sides of his jacket, “No, I’m not a crossroads demon, but hell’s a bit short staffed at the minute… my mistress, The Raven Queen is close friends with Lucifer, so I’m currently working a per diem gig with this whole soul selling business to help out hell.” The man spoke with a heavy cockney accent, but it was so exaggerated that Taako had an odd suspicion it might be fake.
“Oh, well of course,” Taako nodded awkwardly, “You don’t have to tell me about being short staffed I can tell you, I’m very familiar with it…” Taako clapped his hands together, before teasingly speaking in his own butchered cockney accent, “Well, I’m on a pretty short notice myself especially since I had to wait, so lets sign over my life, smooch, and be on our ways whatta say guvnr?”
Taako wasn’t sure how it was possible with the other man’s face being a skull, but he could have sworn that he was blushing.
“Well, I, umm… I’m not a governor…”
Even though he knew that he should speed things along, Taako was having fun now, “What should I call you then skull face? I’ll let you know I don’t make a habit of making out with people I don’t know the name of, and I’m told the whole kissing thing is a mandatory part of the deal…”
“Ummm, my name is Kravitz… what’s uh, your name?”
“Taako’s the name, nursing’s the game, don’t wear it out bubala,” Taako drawled, crossing his arms in front of his chest and cocking his hip.
Kravitz stared silently at Taako for several seconds before shaking his head and clearing his throat again, “Well… umm, you know the drill I’m sure, or at least I hope you’ve done your research before selling your soul for all of eternity.” A clipboard appeared in Kravitz’s hands and he began flipping through the papers, “Alright, this is just all the boring fine print, the length of your sentence, disclaimers, yadda yadda yadda,” Kravitz got to the end of the stack of papers, sighing in annoyance, “where is it I swear I can never find it… why is this laid out so weird it doesn’t make any goddamn sense…”
Taako watched the flustered man start at the top and flip through the papers again until Kravitz exclaimed, “Ah ha! Here it is… okay just have to ask a few questions to fill out the paperwork…”
“Go for it ghost rider,” Taako responded.
“Alright, so can you tell me your full legal name?” Kravitz looked up at Taako with his pen poised above the paper.
“Taako Taaco… first name T-A-A-K-O, last T-A-A-C-O.”
Kravitz gave him a weird look, “You’re not messing with me right? If you’re lying and I submit this paperwork there are dire consequences…”
“Double pinkie promise, Taako Taaco’s my legal name, on my birth certificate and everything.”
Kravitz shrugged and moved on to the next question, “And do you legally swear that you’ve read the full terms and conditions of selling your soul on our website?”
Taako raised his eyebrows in disbelief, “I mean they are the terms and conditions compadre, I didn’t read all of it, but I skimmed enough to get the gist of the whole thing… and I read a couple Reddit threads about it so I’m good to go.”
Kravitz seemed to get more and more distressed as Taako continued to talk, “This isn’t something to take lightly, Taako, this is an eternal deal, here I have the terms of conditions right here, I’ll read them to you…” Kravitz tagged the page he was on before flipping to the first page, taking a deep breath before starting, “By agreeing to sell your soul, the participant agrees to all of the following-”
Taako cut him off, “whoa slow your roll, let’s not do this okay… I swear I know what I’m getting into…”
Kravitz looked dubiously at him, his skull face dropping to reveal a handsome man, as if his surprise had caused his magic to falter, “I… I don’t know if I feel comfortable doing this, Taako… it seems like you’re making a rash decision…”
Taako huffed and rolled his eyes, “Ok mother… jeez are you always this much of a buzzkill… I’ve done way crazier things on shorter notice.”
Kravitz’s face hardened and his face was once again bone, “I am NOT a buzzkill. If you want to do this without considering all of the consequences then so be it,” he flipped back to the page he had been writing on, before stiffly asking “now last question before we sign it… what thing did you do, or want to do, that brought you to our services?”
Taako’s cheeks flushed slightly in embarrassment, and he hoped that Kravitz would simply attribute it to the cold night air, “Well, I didn’t mean to insult you…” he picked at his nails, “but I’m here because I need assurance that I’m going to pass a nursing exam next week.”
Kravitz’s skull once again came down, “I’m sorry… you’re willing to sell your soul to Lucifer for all time to pass an exam????”
“Well I’m hoping to have all of my exams listed in the agreement not just a single exam, but yeah… it’s not like I’m not gonna stop studying or anything, but like yeah I’m super tired and stressed so…”
Kravitz looked at Taako as if he’d lost his mind, “The number of exams wasn’t what I was confused about Taako… normally people who do this are like… trying to kill someone or some other heinous act and you just… want to do well on some tests?”
Taako was getting more and more self-conscious, “I mean… It's a hard job is all… most of my classmates either don’t need to sleep, or sleep less, or have super strength or whatever but I’m just a guy.” Taako gestured to himself as if to show Kravitz just how human he was.
The clipboard disappeared from Kravitz’s hands, “I’m not doing this… I’ve had reservations from the beginning, but this is it, I can’t go through with this in good conscience.” Kravitz waved his hand and a portal reappeared, “Have a good rest of your life Taako and good luck with your exam.”
Kravitz began to step back through the door, but Taako yelled out, “Wait! What about if once you’re done with your shift tonight I take you out to dinner and I try to convince you.” Kravitz opened his mouth to object but Taako didn’t stop talking, “If at the end of it I’m not successful I won’t try to do this again… but I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to if you give me a bit more time to explain.”
Kravitz scratched the back of his neck. Taako tried to sweeten the pot, “I’ll pay for your food… I know a great Tex-mex place not too far from here.”
“I… I guess it can’t hurt…” Kravitz responded uncertainly, “I’m off at 10… is that too late?”
“Maybe normally,” Taako smiled brightly at Kravitz, “But my sister is the owner, so it's not an issue... she won't mind if we stay late, I can always close up if she wants to go home.” Taako patted his pockets, “Do you have a pen so I can write down the address?”
“Uhhh, sure…” Kravitz held out a pen and a scrap of paper. Taako scribbled the information and handed it back to Kravitz.
“See you at 10:15 skull face,” Taako winked and turned, walking away as Kravitz stared at him go, a blush spreading across his cheeks.