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To say that that day had been unusual was an understatement. Well, more than an understatement, actually.
Absentmindedly, he wondered just how they had ended up in that situation, to begin with.
It had begun as a day like any other. The weather in Liyue Harbour was pleasant and he had met up with Zhongli for lunch - an activity he cherished. Childe enjoyed listening to Zhongli as he explained all the intricacies of the dishes served to them and never tried to stop him from going on his tangents unless he noticed that Zhongli’s food was getting cold. That afternoon was a bit unusual, though.
Childe had asked if Zhongli would take the afternoon off so they could spend some time together, and the man had agreed easily since apparently, it wasn’t a very busy day at the funeral parlour. The confirmation that he would get to see the consultant outside of their usual mealtime meet-ups made his heart soar.
“What do you wish to do?” Zhongli had asked him, and Childe had grinned widely in response.
“I heard about some ruins recently, and since you love history, I thought we could go explore them! Does that sound alright, Xiansheng?”
Zhongli had chuckled slightly before closing his eyes and taking a sip of his tea. “That sounds wonderful.”
And it had been! They had walked through the remnants of some ancient city and Zhongli spouted off tidbits of interesting trivia related to the people who once lived there thousands of years ago. It had all been perfect - so perfect that Childe wished he could consider it a date, in fact - but naturally, he couldn’t have nice things.
They had sprung some sort of trap or activated some kind of ancient magical device that not even Zhongli could identify, and then the next thing Childe could remember was Zhongli yelling his name and everything going black. When he awoke, he sat up in an uncomfortable bed and looked around in confusion. He couldn’t recognize where he was at all, and that set him on edge.
Zhongli wasn’t here either, which was worrying.
A strange woman walked into the room and she looked rather haughty. Childe wasn’t sure what it was about her that gave him that impression. Maybe it was the way she looked down her nose at him, or maybe it was the look in her eye that reminded him of the one La Signora gave him whenever she disapproved of whatever he was doing.
“Cinder-Ajax, why have you not cooked, cleaned, and mended the clothes? Have you no shame? You should consider yourself fortunate that I still allow you to live in this house!”
Alright, so she was totally crazy. Childe ignored her completely as she continued her furious tirade and mentally catalogued all the escape routes in the room. It seemed unlikely that she had somehow kidnapped him, but he wasn’t ruling out that option. Her face was getting increasingly red with the amount of shouting she was doing, and he decided to play along for the time being.
“Alright, alright. Stop yelling at me,” he groaned. “Can’t a man get some sleep around here?”
She huffed and turned around, throwing a glare at him over her shoulder.
“You are only proving my point. If you think that this disobedience and disrespect will change my mind about you being allowed to attend the ball, you are wrong.”
He wasn’t sure what she was talking about at all but dragged himself out of bed. There was apparently some kind of ball, and he assumed that it was important in some way. If that hag thought that he would just sit obediently and avoid causing trouble, well, did she really know him at all?
Childe pretended to follow her orders for the rest of the day, but if he just so happened to do all the chores in such a way that once he had left, it would end up worse than before… well, that would be her problem, not his. His ‘sisters’ (who looked nothing like him and made him beyond glad that his actual siblings weren’t anything like them) set off for the ball that night dressed in clothes ‘mended’ in such a way that they would easily tear, and it was no trouble at all for Childe to escape unseen and follow them. He had no interest in the ball itself, but watching them humiliate themselves later would at least be amusing.
From what information he had gathered, this was apparently a ball to find a wife for some prince, which he couldn’t care less about, but for some reason, he felt it was important. He snuck in easily and hid, watching the proceedings and stealing some food from the buffet table.
Suddenly, trumpets sounded and the prince’s arrival was announced. Childe shoved the devilled egg he had grabbed into his mouth and turned to take a look (and maybe have a laugh about what this prince looked like since apparently everyone in this place wore strange clothes that would put the ones in the history books of Fontaine to shame), before promptly choking.
There, at the top of the stairs, was Zhongli. The guards appeared to be trying to push him forward, and he looked incredibly uncomfortable. Well, that just wouldn’t do.
Childe wiped his hands on a curtain and climbed until he found a good vantage point on a buttress. From here, he could hear a little bit of what was going on.
“Your Highness, please…”
“I have informed you countless times that I am not this prince you speak of,” Zhongli replied with a frown. “Please allow me to leave.”
“Your Highness, your father would have our heads! He is already displeased enough that you refused to wear your formal clothes-”
Zhongli almost sounded offended when he replied. “There is nothing wrong with my clothes.”
Childe chuckled but mentally plotted out his route. When he was ready, he leaped off of the buttress and landed in front of the guards. A wave of surprised yells erupted and Childe grinned when he saw the shock on Zhongli’s face melt into an expression of fondness.
“What do you say we get out of here, Xiansheng?”
Zhongli nodded and Childe grabbed his arm, dragging him toward the large back window. A single shot from a hydro arrow was enough to shatter the glass and they both leaped out, Childe laughing the entire time.
They hid in some bushes until the guards passed before running into the woods to hide.
“Thank you, Childe. Those people were quite insufferable.”
Somehow, Zhongli still looked unfazed by their escape and didn’t have so much as a speck of dust on him.
“It was no trouble. What was going on there anyway?”
Zhongli sighed. “They seemed convinced that I was a prince meant to choose a bride today. Obviously, they have the wrong person.”
Childe couldn’t help but wheeze. If Zhongli had been trying to convince these people the whole day, it must really have been a sight.
He wiped a tear from his eye as his laughter died down. “Someone claiming to be my step-mother made me clean the entire house, so I’d say you got the better end of the deal.”
“Strange…” Zhongli muttered. “This reminds me of an old folk tale from Fontaine that I read years ago. It is almost as if we are living out the story…”
Childe wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but suddenly the bells on the giant clock tower chimed to signify it was midnight and the world started going dark again. He tried grasping onto Zhongli, but he could feel a harsh tug and he was thrown backwards to somewhere else.
That had been what felt like days ago, and they had come to the conclusion that they were being forced to reach the endings of the stories before being tossed into the next ones. After the Fontanian one, there had been several others that had put them into various roles. They did realize, however, that they didn’t have to follow the stories ‘to the letter’.
(Naturally, Childe had laughed at the pun. Zhongli had been unamused.)
Of course, that realization only came after he and Zhongli had started the story together for once, but someone had tried to take Zhongli away and Childe had lost it. Blood was spilled, and since apparently, the person he had just murdered was the villain, the tale resolved itself and they were whisked away once more.
In the next story, Childe quickly found himself on the run from the authorities, which wasn’t something he was accustomed to since he typically just ended up fighting them instead of running. He had heard something about a missing royal, and supposedly there was a prince out looking for them. He vaguely recalled hearing of a tale that began that way from Mondstadt, but he was pretty sure that the man he had accidentally landed on earlier and knocked out before stealing his horse was the prince, so the course of the story was already irreparably changed.
Whatever. He was planning on just finding Zhongli and getting out of there as quickly as he could. The sooner the better, really.
He didn’t remember much of the story, since it had been years since he had been home, and longer still since the last time Tonia wanted him to read it to her at bedtime, but he did remember something about a tower hidden in the forest. Riding his stolen horse, Childe galloped as quickly he could down the tree-lined path before randomly picking a direction and jumping off the horse.
In his experience, the best way to find something meant to be hidden was to get lost, so that is what he did. Thankfully, his hunch paid off and he quickly found himself in front of a large tower. If he was right, then Zhongli should be up there.
And if he was wrong? Well, at least the guards would have a hard time tracking him down.
He climbed up the side of the tower easily, thanking his archery practise for building up the muscles in his arms and shoulders. The window at the top was open, so he snuck inside.
Sure enough, Zhongli was sitting on a chair and reading a book.
“Found you, Xiansheng,” he exclaimed. Zhongli only looked up for long enough to give him a brief smile before returning to his book.
“Yes, you did. That was quite fast, I expected to have more time to read.”
Ah, classic Zhongli. Of course he would take any opportunity to read the books here since they likely weren’t ones that could be found back in the real world. Childe stretched and leaned over Zhongli’s shoulder to take a look.
“Is it interesting?” he asked, and Zhongli hummed in affirmation.
“Very,” the man replied. Suddenly, he looked up and frowned before placing the book down on the small table. “Childe, would you mind hiding in the wardrobe for a moment? I believe that there is something I will need to take care of shortly.”
Childe wasn’t sure what was going on, but let himself be led into the wardrobe. He heard hoofbeats outside and what sounded like someone dismounting from a horse.
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!” came the call from outside.
Childe snickered from inside the wardrobe, peeking through the gap in the doors, as Zhongli calmly leaned out of the window and began to lecture the woman who had arrived at the base of the tower.
“No, I will not. The weight of a human lifted only using strands of hair would no doubt cause damage to my scalp, injuries to my neck, and for my hair to be torn out. I implore you to please consider taking the stairs instead.”
There was a yell that Childe couldn’t quite make out - something about there not being any stairs - and Zhongli sighed. The consultant thrust his arms out and shouted in a commanding voice.
“Rise!”
There was a shriek from outside, but from what Childe could see, Zhongli had simply used his geo vision to create stone pillars that would lift the strange woman up to the window. She practically tumbled through it and, in her anger at Zhongli, she lunged for him while shouting.
When she was about to touch him, Childe burst out of the wardrobe and swiftly impaled her on instinct alone. She choked and sputtered before falling quiet, and he tossed her body to the side. Childe laughed somewhat maniacally as the blood dripped off of his hydro blades and pooled on the ground while Zhongli merely sighed and reached over to wipe a smear of blood off his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, and when Zhongli pulled away, he tried to stop himself from chasing the comforting feeling.
“That was unnecessary, Childe.”
Childe scoffed. “I know, but she was getting on my nerves. Besides, she tried to hurt you.”
"Murder isn't the answer to everything," Zhongli scolded, but Childe just winked.
"It can be if you try hard enough."
Zhongli looked like he was about to say something, but the familiar darkness began to fall over them again and Childe grinned.
“See you in the next one, Xiansheng!”
This time, Childe walked through the forest with a heavy cloak upon his shoulders and a hunting bow in hand. Apparently, he was on his way to a small lake where he often hunted ducks, but he really just wanted to end this boring story and move on. Who knew if there was a limited number of stories they had to go through before they were released?
When he came upon the lake, however, there weren’t ducks at all. Instead, he saw numerous feather coats hung on bushes and tree branches, which was strange enough as it was, but he didn’t think much of them in comparison to the large dragon that laid motionless by the shore. It looked as if it was supposed to be hidden in the bushes like the numerous feather coats were, but the dragon was so large that it flattened the bush it was placed on top of. Childe couldn’t help but stare in horror at it, not believing his eyes.
Childe crept closer and took a closer look at it. The dragon looked exactly like the one which had fallen during the Rite of Descension, and that confused him more than anything. What kind of sick story was this that it had even dragged the dead Archon into it?
Part of him wondered if he should just reach his hand into its chest and take its gnosis, but the reasonable part of his brain said that it obviously wasn’t the real one. He reached down and touched the horn upon its head. It felt real enough, but then again, so did everything else. Brushing that thought aside, Childe turned to look at the lake.
In his distraction upon seeing the exuvia in a place like this, he hadn’t noticed several people swimming in the lake - six golden-haired women, in fact. As he approached, he accidentally stepped on a branch and alerted them to his presence. The women gasped and they ran to grab the feathered coats, tugging them on and turning into swans before flying away to safety.
That was definitely strange, but it didn’t explain whatsoever why Rex Lapis’ dead body was just lying on the ground like it had been discarded there.
Childe frowned, but he heard a noise behind him like someone was trying to sneak up on him. He whipped around and came face-to-face with Zhongli.
“Um, Xiansheng...” Childe began, “why are you hiding in a bush?”
Zhongli peered out at him from within his leafy hiding spot and he seemed to have a slight blush on his face.
“I apologize, but I am not quite… ah… decent, at the moment. Unfortunately, you are currently standing in the way of where I need to go.”
So Zhongli was naked in that bush. Childe definitely wasn’t going to think about that, for the sake of his own pride.
Instead, he did his best to put on a smile. “Do you want me to bring your clothes to you?”
Zhongli pursed his lips and looked nervous, but when Childe scanned the area with his eyes, he couldn’t see any clothes at all. The only thing around was the dragon. How strange.
“I don’t see them, so…” he set down his bow and quiver and pulled off the cloak. “Use this instead until we find yours.”
Zhongli reddened further but thanked him quietly as he put on the cloak and finally stepped out of the bush.
“So what do your clothes look like? Did it change them when you got here?” he asked, wanting to know if he should be looking for Zhongli’s usual outfit or something slightly more fitting to the story.
“Um, well, I wouldn’t really call it clothes,” Zhongli answered cautiously. Childe remembered the swans and their feather coats and he opened his mouth in an o as he came to a realization.
“So you have one of those swan coat things? Don’t worry Xiansheng, we’ll find it!”
Zhongli hesitated for a short while and Childe waited patiently for him to speak.
“No… that’s not quite right…”
He seemed to debate with himself over something before pointing to the dragon.
“I need that, but you are standing in my way. I do not know why, but I cannot go to it. It feels as if it does not belong to me any longer.”
Okay, Childe was very confused now.
“Isn’t that the exuvia?”
Zhongli looked down and clutched the cloak tighter around himself, which was enough of an answer for Childe.
So the consultant to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, the man Childe had been hoping liked him as much as he liked Zhongli, apparently owned the exuvia. Naturally, that could only mean that Zhongli was, in fact, Rex Lapis. Wonderful.
As much as he felt conflicted by that realization, there wasn’t much he could do about it for the time being.
“We’re having a talk about this later, Xiansheng, but what do you mean by ‘you don’t own it anymore’?”
“Did you touch it?” Zhongli asked suddenly. “I heard the others saying that if their cloaks were taken - the exuvia being mine - then the one keeping it from us could do horrible things, like forcing us into marriage.”
He looked nervously up at Childe.
“You wouldn’t do that, would you?”
Childe tried to tell himself that he wasn’t hurt by the fact that Zhongli thought that he would ever do such a thing.
“Xiansheng, I promise you that I would never force you to marry me…”
Childe desperately wanted to bite his tongue to stop him from saying the words that were ready to escape his mouth, but it was too late.
“... that would be entirely your decision.”
Zhongli inhaled sharply and nodded.
“I understand.”
He looked at Childe and smiled, and he swore that he was going to have a heart attack. He hoped that his point had come across well. It wasn’t that he was necessarily opposed to the idea of marrying Zhongli, but that it wouldn’t feel right if it happened because of some plot point in a fairy tale.
He stepped aside to let Zhongli walk to the exuvia. “Go ahead, take it.”
When he did, Childe watched in awe as the dragon disintegrated into a glittery shower, which seemed to get absorbed into Zhongli’s body. He let out a sigh of relief and Childe couldn’t help but gasp when he saw a long white robe form around his body, and then Zhongli’s arms darkened until they were as brown as his hair, with golden streaks that seemed to thrum with power running up them. When he turned to look at Childe, his eyes glowed and Childe felt his mouth go dry.
It finally hit him that he was in the presence of not just any god, but the god of commerce and contracts, and the oldest of the Archons. However, despite that, he was Zhongli, and somehow that made all the difference.
Childe wanted to kiss him and he wanted to hold him tight, but deep inside he knew that doing so would be treasonous. He was supposed to serve the Tsaritsa, body and soul, but Zhongli was so perfect and he was in too deep to give up on him now.
Zhongli approached and cupped Childe’s cheek with one, glowing, hand.
“You would never have to force me, Childe, for I would say yes if you asked.”
Tsaritsa forgive me, Childe thought as he reached up to draw Liyue’s Archon into a passionate kiss. He could feel the power in Zhongli’s veins beneath his hands, and when he opened his mouth to gasp into the kiss upon feeling Zhongli’s geo energy resonate within him like a pleasant tingle under his skin, the Archon simply melted into his embrace.
When his lungs burned and he finally had to pull back, Childe stood in awe of the man in front of him.
“Did you mean that?” he asked, breathless.
Zhongli smiled and placed a chaste kiss upon his lips, a far cry from the needy and desperate one from before.
“I never say things that I do not mean, Childe.”
The darkness came for them again, but when it all became clear shortly after, they awoke within the ruins as if nothing had happened.
“I know you must have a lot of questions for me,” Zhongli said, looking at him in the eyes, “but could those wait for a little while?”
“I wish I could argue, but I can’t deny you anything,” Childe said, hugging him tightly. “We’ll definitely talk later.”
He stood and dusted off his pants before offering a hand to Zhongli and helping him up.
“For now though, how does dinner sound?”
Zhongli smiled, his gaze soft, and he gently squeezed Childe’s hand.
“Dinner sounds wonderful.”