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"Do you think that we'll be able to do this?" Tommy asks, watching as his reflection shines in the water below him, watching as it ripples away a second later. "That we'll actually be able to win the war?" He adds on, glancing up at the sky, his eyes burning when they catch the sun. "I mean, I know that Wilbur says to be hopeful, that we've got a really good chance of winning, but I just..I don't really know, you know?" Tommy sighs, staring down at his hands, looking past them, looking at the river. "I'm scared, Tubbo. Do you know what it's like to be scared, or- or is that just me? I know I'm not supposed to be scared, but I am."
Tubbo makes a noise from the back of his throat, one that sounds like he's agreeing. Tommy hopes that he is. He doesn't want to be scared all on his own. "I do," Tubbo confirms, his voice just as steady as the river before them. In recent times, Tubbo has become a lot more serious about this war. Tommy thinks that they both have, that all of them have. Before, it had just been a game, a pastime, something to do rather than sit around all day. But now, now it's serious. It's war, now. It really is war now, and they have to fight every single day, putting their lives on the line, constantly keeping their heads turned over their shoulders. War is awful, Tommy has learnt. "I think it's normal to be scared, Tommy. It's a normal thing to feel when you're like, hyper aware of dying, you know?" Tubbo offers a smile, nudging him with his elbow. "But I think that we'll win this, yeah. We've gotten this far, haven't we? You and I, we've gotta keep hopeful, okay? Hope's the only thing any of us actually have."
Tommy laughs, ducking his head. "But I've got you, and you've got me, right? We have each other, that's real. That's definitely real, isn't it? We have each other, Tubbo. We'll always have each other. Promise me that," his tone turns serious, sharp and cutting. Tommy sits straighter, locking eyes with Tubbo rather than looking into the water. "Promise me, Tubbo. Promise me that we'll always have each other, no matter what. Okay? Promise me that." Tubbo smiles up at him, reaching out to plant a hand down on his shoulder, squeezing a second later.
"I promise that we'll always have each other," Tubbo's words are steady and strong, unwavering, completely and truly honest. Tommy smiles back at him, nodding a second later, exhaling as he turns back to look at the river. He watches his reflection appear, never warping fully. He can still recognise himself in the river, he can still see Tubbo perfectly fine. To be fair, he thinks to himself as he looks down into the water, the current isn't that strong right now. "We'll win the war, Tommy. We've got to believe that, or else we won't. So long as we have each other and we believe in each other," Tubbo pauses, patting his shoulder after he takes a shaky breath, "then we can do anything. I'm sure of it, Tommy. I'm, like, really, really sure of that."
"Okay," Tommy smiles, ducking his head once again. "I'll believe you, big man. Thanks for, uh, coming out here. I know that it's late," he cranes his head back, staring at the sky above him, watching as the few stars that remain twinkle down at him. "Or early, I guess. I didn't really know who else to talk to. Wilbur's great, he really is. He's.." Tommy sighs, grinning down at the river. "He's a good man, he's a good brother. I just can't talk to him about these kinds of things, 'cause he'll try and like.." Tommy pauses. "You know. You know what he does, right? I don't know how to explain it."
Tubbo laughs, nodding a few times. "He's a good person, I just hate this aspect of him."
"I didn't say that!" Tommy laughs, shoving his best friend away from him. "You're puttin' words in my mouth, Tubbo! And you know what that is?" He grins, moving his hand to go under the water. "That is just rude, Tubbo," he pulls up his hand, now cupped with water, and splashes Tubbo. Tubbo gasps, stumbling back, his eyes suddenly alight with challenge. "What're you gonna do about it now, bee boy?" Tommy teases, grinning so widely that it hurts, making his face ache.
"I swear to god if you ever call me that again," Tubbo threatens, grabbing Tommy by his arm. Tommy can't stop Tubbo in time, and he finds himself being dragged into the river, the cold water splashing him in the face, soaking into his clothes. "I made a joke about how much I liked bees, like, two years ago, and you just hold it above my head every single day!" Tubbo laughs, shoving him back. Tommy stumbles back in the river, grinning back, doubling over a second later at how serious Tubbo looks. "I'm being serious, I am! You keep using that against me, you fucker!"
"It's funny!" Tommy laughs, throwing his arms down, splashing up water onto Tubbo, watching as he sends his best friend stumbling back, nearly falling on his ass at the sudden force of water hitting him all at once. "You know me, Tubbo, everything I do is funny. I'm just funny! It's in my nature to be fucking hilarious, you and I both know that," Tommy grins, laughing when Tubbo retaliates, splashing him back with water. This time, Tommy loses his balance, falling into the river. He props himself up with his elbows, staring up at Tubbo, who looms above him. "What, are you going to kill me, now?"
Tubbo grins down at him. He raises his leg, slamming it down right in front of Tommy. Tommy has just enough time to close his eyes before he's splashed with water once again, screwing up his face, waiting until water doesn't drop onto his face from his hair to open his eyes. When he does, Tubbo is still grinning down at him, but he's stuck out his arm, offering Tommy a hand. "Come on, big man. What're you doing down there?"
Tommy lets out a bark of laughter, taking Tubbo's hand with his own, pulling himself out of the river and up onto his feet, standing taller than his best friend. "Thanks," he smiles, pulling off his overcoat, shaking it out. "For coming out here with me. However," Tommy grins, turning back to face Tubbo. "Pushing me into the river was not something I enjoyed. I'm gonna have to punch you for that, Tubbo." Tubbo just beams at him, his eyes bright.
"Oh yeah, Tommy?"
"Oh yeah," Tommy confirms. "I'd st-"
And then Tubbo is off running, and Tommy can't help but laugh, racing after his best friend, shouting out after him as he runs, laughing at the insults they trade between each other.
Tommy sits on the other side of the river, staring down at his reflection. It's not as clear as it had been, but that's to be expected. On top of it being the middle of the night, the water is muddied, and he isn't entirely sure why. Schlatt probably has something to do with it, given how he's the only one who would try and taint a goddamn river. Tommy heaves a sigh, crouching down by the river, hanging his head as he looks down at his hands. He isn't sure when everything got to be like this. He shouldn't be on this side of the river. He should be over there, in L'manberg. Wilbur should be in L'manberg, but Wilbur isn't the same. Tommy looks up, glancing over his shoulder, frowning. Wilbur's not the same. He's someone else now, he's not the same man that he used to be. He used to be so kind and caring, he used to be the best person in Tommy's world, and now Tommy just..doesn't know. Wilbur isn't the same, he's off, he's wrong, and Tommy doesn't understand why. He doesn't know what happened or when it happened, bit it certainly did, and now his Wilbur isn't the same as whoever this man is.
"Hey," Tommy gasps at the sudden appearance of a voice, scrambling back, grabbing the knife on his belt. The light catches the person just right, and Tommy breathes out, heaving a sigh of relief at the sight of Tubbo. "Sorry," Tubbo murmurs, crouching down on the other side of the river. "I'm sorry, seriously. I didn't mean to scare you, Tommy. I thought you would have seen me coming up here," Tubbo looks away, his hair a mess, his clothes crinkled. "How have you been?" His voice carries across the river, a near silent whisper filled with so many emotions that Tommy can't even name one of them.
"Not..not great," Tommy admits, keeping his own voice low, making sure that his voice doesn't carry past the river. "How about you, big man?" He asks, tilting his head to the side, watching as Tubbo's reflection warps in the river. The current is faster, it's been getting faster, recently. Or, at least, it has been every single time he manages to sneak out of Pogtopia and come here. Tubbo just shakes his head, looking up. His eyes are exhausted, there are heavy bags under them that Tommy has never seen before. His body language screams that he just wants to drop and sleep for years, and Tommy understands that far more than he wishes that he did. "I'm sorry. It'll..it'll be over soon. It has to be. We're making plans, we've got you.." he looks away. "Do you think he knows?"
Tubbo shrugs. "I don't know. It's scary," he admits. "Spying for you guys and pretending to give him information, I just.." Tubbo looks down at the ground, staring into the river. "I don't know. I hope that he doesn't. I know what he'd do to me if he knew," Tubbo looks back up at him, his eyebrows furrowed together, his eyes sad. "I'm trying my best, though. I'll keep going," he offers an exhausted smile, one that Tommy thinks might just be fake. "I'll do it for you. For L'manberg, you know?"
Tommy laughs, ducking his head, even though it wasn't a very funny joke. Not much is funny, nowadays. Nothing is really all that funny anymore. "Okay," he murmurs, glancing back over his shoulder. "Tubbo, I..I don't think that we can trust Wilbur anymore," he admits. "I think that we're alone in this," Tommy looks up at his best friend, feeling his heart tighten in his chest, feeling like he's drowning, feeling like his entire life is flashing before his eyes and ending all at once. "Wilbur's gone off the deep end, Tubbo. I'm being serious, I really don't think we can trust him anymore."
"Okay," Tubbo nods, looking behind his shoulder. "Okay. Just you and me, then. Shouldn't be that different than before," Tubbo smiles at him. "Remember that promise we made? That we'll always have each other?" Tubbo breathes out, nodding again. "I'm not going to break that promise, and I'm going to hope that you won't, either. It'll be you and me, Tommy. You and me, okay? We have each other, and that means that we can do anything," Tubbo pauses. "So long as we're together, we can do anything."
"Yeah," Tommy agrees. "We'll always have each other. I promised that, too. I'm not going to break my promise," he smiles, but it feels fake. A lot of things feel fake, unreal. He's got a pit in his chest that just seems to keep growing, a constant numbness that doesn't seem to want to leave him alone. Tommy doesn't know if that's normal or not, but he assumes that it isn't. "I think I have to go now," he murmurs, sparing a quick, half of a second glance at the sky before he settles his gaze back on Tubbo. "It's getting too close to around the time that Wilbur's going to wake up," Tommy stands up, taking a few shaky steps to the edge of the riverbank, his boots just barely getting touched by the water. He sticks out his hand. "Go-"
"Don't say goodbye," Tubbo stands, moving to stand at the riverbank. "It makes it feel like you won't come back," Tubbo murmurs. "I'll see you later, okay?" He reaches out, taking Tommy's hand in his own. The river is thin enough for them to hold that position for a few seconds longer before they pull back out of fear of stumbling into the river itself.
"Okay," Tommy breathes out. "I'll see you later, Tubbo."
Tubbo smiles at him. "I'll see you later, Tommy."
Tubbo turns away a second later, wandering back into L'manberg, Manberg, without looking back. Tommy does the same, moving into the forest that leads to Pogtopia, disappearing under the cover of night, wishing that he could shake the uneasy feeling he has.
With Dream's hand firmly placed on his back, Tommy feels like he's suffocating. He walks throughout L'manberg, the empty stares of the people he used to love following him as he goes. Tubbo stands behind him, towering over him on his stupid podium, his eyes sharp and harsh and full of something like numbness. Tommy looks back, pleading silently with his eyes, knowing damn well that Tubbo can understand what he's begging for. Tubbo just looks away, a sharp, quick jerk of his head, and all of Tommy's pleas have been silenced, just like that. "Keep moving." Dream sneers, his voice twisted and disgusting, awful and horrible and every single bad word that Tommy can think of. He does what he's told, too dejected and scared and hurt to do anything else. He keeps going, he keeps walking along the Prime Path, the wood creaking underneath of it, sending memories flooding back into his head.
He moves silently, refusing to beg or cry or break. He already said all the things he could when Tubbo was still pretending to listen to him. Tommy isn't going to beg anymore, he's not going to bow down at Tubbo's feet and cry for forgiveness. He's not going to try and run back to the boy who he thought would always have his back. Tommy isn't going to get himself killed, because he knows that if he were to try and run back to Tubbo, Dream would kill him. Tommy might not be good at much, but he's damn good at surviving, and that's all he has to do. He just has to survive, that's it. He can do that, he's done it before. Surviving is what he's good at, surviving is what he's done all of his life. What's another couple of weeks? By then, Tubbo will get this all sorted out, and everything will be fine.
Right?
Right.
Tommy nods to himself, silently agreeing with his thoughts. He glances at Ghostbur, his brother's oddly accurate apparition, who seems to be trailing them. At least he'll have a friend in exile, a sort of friend, someone who he sort of knows. Someone who he doesn't hate. Tommy keeps moving, keeps going, keeps putting one foot in front of the other. He doesn't look back, even though he wants nothing more than to do that. He trudges along, wincing when the Prime Path suddenly stops, forcing him to leap down onto the grass below him. Tommy keeps moving, though he feels his heart stop in his chest at the sight ahead of them.
The river that cuts throughout L'manberg, the one that snakes past Pogtopia, the one that flows into the community house's lake. The river where Tubbo promised him that no matter what happened, they'd always have each other, that they would never do this to each other. And yet here they are, yet here Tommy is, walking alone across a river that holds so many memories. Dream shoves him forwards, and Tommy snaps his head back, sneering at the man behind him. Dream's mask covers his expression, but Tommy can assume that he's smiling. Tommy hates him. He steps through the river, feeling his boots already start to soak through. Tommy looks down at his reflection, staring at the water below him. His reflection stares right back up at him, warped and twisted and broken.
Tommy looks away, feeling his chest tighten. He isn't surprised, and yet still it hurts. Tommy breathes out, forces his legs to keep moving.
He thinks that if Tubbo were to stare down into the river, his reflection would look like a monster.
It's quiet.
The nighttime normally isn't this quiet. Most of the time, it's filled with explosions and yelling and shouting, screaming matches that seem to go on forever, painful words that burrow into his ears. Late nights like this always seem to be the loudest to him, and while Tommy understands that that's just because of the hell he's gone through, it still feels awkward to stand here in silence. He stands at the river, staring past that, looking into L'manberg. He breathes out through his nose, feeling his heart pound in his chest. His reflection is blotted out by the moon, which he's thankful for. Tommy thinks that if he saw what he'd look like, he wouldn't be able to treat himself the same. He's bloodied and broken and bruised and twisted, a shell of the person he used to be. He feels like he's not the same, maybe because he isn't, maybe because his mind is different. He doesn't know.
Tommy looks across the river, standing a little taller as he locks eyes with a boy who he hasn't seen in months.
Tubbo walks forwards, his eyes exhausted, his entire body slumping with every movement that he makes. He looks like he's going to collapse any second now, he looks like he's been awake for years now. In his left hand is a compass, one that Tommy assumes leads to him. Tubbo keeps walking, he walks until he's right on the edge of the river, staring at Tommy. Neither of them look away, and Tommy wonders if this is a game that they're playing between each other. It wouldn't surprise him. He's been playing games for most of his life now, and this is just another one of them.
He isn't sure if he wants to win.
The silence between them is unbearable, but Tommy doesn't try to rival it. He says nothing. Tubbo seems to understand, Tubbo always seems to understand.
Minutes that feel like hours pass between them, stretching on for years, for eons.
And then Tubbo sticks his hand out, his fingers splayed out, outstretched across the river. Tommy looks at him. Tubbo looks back.
"You coming?" Tubbo asks, his voice raspy and weak and exhausted.
Tommy reaches out, taking Tubbo's hand as he takes the first step over the river.
"Yeah," he agrees, wondering if they can ever fix this. "I am."