Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Luz POV

❗️❗️ T/W: Strong language ❗️❗️

I don't know how I ended up here. The never ending dark hallway is starting to overwhelm me. I took a glance at my surroundings. The environment of my childhood home seems to be vivid as ever. This house always brings along an unsettling presence with it. It's not the house that brings this specific aura. Instead, it's all because of him. I remember the day that I swore never to set foot here again. So why am I even here in the first place? How did I get here? I felt myself running but I have no idea why. Why was I running?  Am I running away from something? It seems the most likely since this is my childhood home we're talking about. The home that I've never felt safe in. I found myself hugging my knees in my old closet whilst I try to pant as silent as I could with only my noisy heartbeat as my company. I felt something cold fall onto my hands as I noticed that I've been unconsciously crying once I placed my shaky hands on my cheeks. I was trying to wreck my brain on what made me hide like this. Then it finally hit me after I heard a very familiar voice. His voice.

"Show yourself you ungrateful brat! I've done nothing but take care of you and this is how you repay me you worthless runt!!" 

My breath hitched when I heard his footsteps closing in. His stride was big and slow causing me to whimper due to the intense suspense. I need to escape but I'm trapped with no way out. I was shaking uncontrollably but I couldn't help myself. I whisper my pleadings to God for Him to help me. Suddenly, the closet's doorknob seems to shake a little. I caved myself further into the closet but I was already at its limit and all I could do it curl myself into a tighter ball while praying for all of this to be over. Tears was streaming down my face nonstop. I couldn't take this anymore. I hate these feelings so much. Fear. Anger. Shame. Those are the only thing I could feel at the moment.

The closet door suddenly became ajar. I shut my eyes as tight as I can. I didn't dare to open them. I hear the door creak open and I felt the feeling of fear wash over me. 

"There you are you little hog" His deep husky voice echoed throughout the little space of the closet. 

I immediately felt like shrinking as I felt his gaze upon me. He roughly grabbed my collar pulling me at eye level with him causing me to let out a choke. I grabbed his fist that was balled at my collar trying to break free from his tight grasp. I kept letting out a whimper due to how rough his grip is as I still kept my eyes close due to the overwhelming fear.

"Open your eyes and fight! Are you really that weak you worthless child!!" 

I tried my best to get my eyes to open but I just couldn't bring myself to it. I was too afraid of what he would do to me. Instead, I let out a few muffled sobs. That seems to trigger him more for the next thing I knew, I felt myself being thrown to the other side of the room. The moment I felt the hard impact against the cold floor, everything went dark.

❗️> end of T/W< ❗️

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I jolted up awake with an audible gasp. My eyes started to wander around the room as I try to get a grasp of the waking world. I was trembling really hard as I try to calm myself down. I was having a panic attack and I knew it. Once I processed that, I started going through all my senses to calm down. I started listing five things I can see, hear and so on. After a few minutes, I managed to calm down and swallowed the lump in my throat. I let out a shaky sigh as I run my trembling fingers through my sweat damped hair. 

I reached over the bottle of water on my drawer next to my bed and took a sip. I glanced at my clock and read the time. 6.48 am. I knew that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so I decided to give the day an early start. I made my way to the bathroom to perform my morning routine. I stared into the mirror as I pinched the bags that were deepening under my eyes. I shook my head trying to keep myself together and I proceeded to brush my teeth and wash my face. I took a quick cold shower before putting on some random clothing I can find. I settled with a purple short along with a blag baggy anime t-shirt I got from a convention a while ago. 

I descended down the flight of stairs and dragged my feet into the kitchen. I then grabbed a few utensils to prepare breakfast. After a few minute of work, I managed to make myself some pancakes. It was almost 8am by now so I set a few pieces aside for my step-mom, Eda. Eda has done so much for me. Honestly, I don't even think I would be here today if it wasn't for her. She saved me and she's done so much and I'm eternally grateful for that. So I repay her by doing as much chores as I can although she said I didn't have to. 

"Morning kiddo" Eda greeted me with that charming smile of hers. She was wearing an oversized maroon sweater with fluffy bunny slippers when she walked into the kitchen. 

"Morning Eda. I made pancakes they're on the counter." 

"Geez kid. Three years you've been staying with me but I still can't get you to stop with these gestures huh?" Eda chuckled. 

I slightly giggled as I answered, "Nope. You've done so much so it's only fair for me to repay you." 

Eda stayed silent after she heard my response. I saw gears turning in her head but I have no idea what she was thinking about. The moment I decided to break the silence, she beat me to it. 

"Kid, how is your sleep nowadays? And don't lie to me ok. I can see those bags under your eyes and it's obvious you're not getting your rest. What's keeping you up these days?" 

I was taken aback by her remarks. Are my eye bags really that obvious? I tried giving her an answer but it only came out as a sputter of words. How should I explain this to her? I didn't know how to respond and all I could do is continue sputtering random words.

Eda cut me off with a loud defeated sigh. I saw her expression fell when she looked up at me. Concern was etched all over her face as she furrowed her eyebrows. I bit my lips, ashamed that I was this hopeless. 

"Look kid, you know I care about you right?"

I slowly nodded my head as I try to figure out where this conversation is going. I may live with Eda for three years now, but Eda can be a little... unexpected to say the least. 

I noticed her hesitating and that only raised more questions. Since when do Eda ever hesitates?  

"What do you think if I were to book you a therapy appointment?" 

My eyes widen in surprise. Eda knows I hated therapy. Even if it helps, even if it can supposedly 'fix' me. Eda, out of all people know that therapy has bring me nothing but pain all my life. Because of therapy I was diagnosed with those horrible illnesses. And because of that I was labelled as a freak in society. There's no changing the fact that I hate therapy. So how can she even ask me that? Did she not care for me as much as I thought she did? Did my happiness not matter? Is she only doing this only to give me more pain than I had to dealt with all my life? I was already shaking by now. Tears were threatening to fall but I tried to suppress it. I am not weak. I am strong. I can't cry. Not now. Not yet. 

"Why?" Is all I managed to croak out for now. 

Eda seemed to regret the words that left her mouth. Her eyes wandering around my face trying to figure out a proper response. 

"I... I just.. I think it would help you. I want you to be happy.. to get better.. and therapy can help, Luz" 

Eda sounded so genuine. Her voice was wavering with concern. I can tell that she's really trying to fix things. To fix me. 

When I heard her response, I felt a tear drop down my cheeks. I tried to form out a proper response but it came out as muffled sobs. I can't help but to hyperventilate. I can't. I just can't deal with this right now. I felt myself regressing and I struggled hard to stop myself from doing so. I can't let her see me like that. Not again. I swallowed the lump in my throat before I came up with a response.

"Eda.." My voice was hoarse as I tried not to breakdown or regress in front of her. 

"Eda.. you know I can't be fixed.. right?...I'm too... too broken Eda.. don't you get it? ... Nothing... absolutely nothing can fix me.. Eda please... please..just give it up.. I already have.. you should too.." 

I was already a shaky stuttering mess. I can't help the tears that were already falling. No matter how hard I try to stop them, they still kept falling down. God why must I be this weak?!! 

Eda walked over in front of me. She crouched down and grabbed me on my shoulder as she brushed my bangs over my forehead. Tears were already rolling down her cheeks as she gave me a soft comforting smile. I've never seen Eda this vulnerable before. The hand that was brushing my hair soon find its way so she could cup my cheeks as she wiped away my tears. Hers still falling as she look me into my eyes. Her gaze was so soft that it made me feel safe and secure. Eda sniffled a sob as she began speaking.

"Luz.. I'm not going to give up on you.. never.. you hear me kid? I will never give up on you.. please just... just give this a try ok? If not for you then.. what about for me? You do want to repay me.. right?" 

Eda's voice was so soft and was not even above a whisper. Even if her voice cracked a little, you can hear the sincere concern laced in her voice. 

"How do you know if it can really help me?" 

Although I hate therapy, I still love Eda and I would do anything for her. Maybe this therapy will be different? Maybe there's still hope for me.. Maybe I too, can get my shot at happiness. 

I focused my gaze at Eda. Her messy hair under the sunlight that was seeping through the kitchen's window blind made her look more human. "I guess all I'm asking from you is to trust me" she said. 

I slowly let myself out of her embrace and I walked towards the kitchen sink. I splashed the cold liquid onto my face as I tried to clear my head. I had my hands on the porcelain sink as I whispered to myself, "You can do this. Just one last time ok?" One. Last. Time. 

I turned off the tap and positioned myself so I would be facing Eda. I sighed out, "Alright. I'll do it. When do I start?" 

Eda's faced lit up when I said those words. Seeing her that way made me smile a little. Seeing her happy made me feel so calm. She clapped her hands together as she said, "Great! You'll start in two weeks.. so you would still have time to prepare yourself mentally. I know how you get when things are rushed." 

I just gave her a simple nod as I tried to wrap my head over what I just agreed on. 

"Okay." I mumbled. I looked into her eyes before I resumed, "But I'm doing this for you..." 

Eda just stared back at me as I watch her expression fell. I can tell she was taken aback. She slowly walked up to me and brushed my hair with her delicate fingers. 

"I know.. and I love you for that. But please.. trust me when I say you'll get better." 

I look down to the floor feeling dejected. I know for a fact that that's not true. I know I'm broken. I know I can't be fixed. Yet I'm willing to do this for her. To convince her that I'm fine with being broken. My whole life is revolving around this trauma and a life beyond it... it's frightening. It's not something I would ever expect. And I'm completely fine with it. 

"Fine.. but I'm not hoping for a fairy tale ending... life just doesn't works that way." I whispered the last part underneath my breath but judging on Eda's reaction, I knew she heard me. Instead of fighting back, she just gave me a defeated sigh and pulled herself away from me.

I'm actually going back to therapy... I can't believe this.. gosh.. Eda has really made me soft hasn't she?  

I saw Eda heading upstairs as I was doing the dishes. A few moments later, she came back into the kitchen as she frantically tries to find something. I glanced at her outfit. She was wearing a simple plain red dress with leggings underneath. 

I raised my eyebrows as I asked her, "Where are you going?" 

Eda stopped abruptly as she snapped her head at my direction. "Oh I'm just heading out to get some groceries. Anyway.. hey, do you have a bag I can borrow? I can't seem to find my shopping bag.." Eda scratched the back of her head while her eyes were wandering around the kitchen. Still trying to find her shopping bag I presume. 

I let out a sigh as I shook my head, "Nope.. the only bags I have are the ones under my eyes which you so 'kindly' pointed out over at breakfast. And they are specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence." 

Eda raised her eyebrows before pinching her temples. "Literally all you have to say was no." She mumbled out. 

I just shrugged my shoulder as I walked out the kitchen leaving Eda still trying to find for a bag. Something came into my mind that made me turn back. I cleared my throat to get her attention and once I did I asked her, "So... who'll be my therapist?" 

Hearing my question, Eda fiddled with her fingers as she replied, "Well.. since your previous therapy with my sister Lilith a few years ago didn't go so well.. you'll be having therapy with her top pupil." 

"Name?" I inquired. If I was going to have to prepare myself for therapy, the least I could do is know the basic information regarding my therapist. 

"Amity. Amity Blight"

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Chapter Text

A parents’ greed can completely destroy a child

-Penthouse 

What fear is blocking you from the feeling of being loved inside of you?

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Willow POV 

I've been keeping a close eye on Luz for quite a while now. She has been acting weird when she started her shift today. Well, weirder than usual that is. A part of me wants to just go ahead and ask her what's wrong but the other part of me knows that she won't reveal much as she mostly keeps things to herself and that fact is making me worry for her even more. She seems so on edge today. She seems as if she's about to break. I took a glance at her. My eyes wandering around the Latina's figure who is currently busy attending customers by the cashier. She's acting chipper than usual and I know for a fact that it's just a mask that she's been wearing for a very long time now. But right now she looks as if she's holding onto that mask for dear life. Like that said mask would completely fall off if she ever let go. 

The aura Luz was giving off today was very familiar. I tried to remember when have I felt that aura from her before. I was thinking hard, trying to remember while I kept on scrubbing the dishes. A few moments passed and I was about to give up until it suddenly came to me. Then it clicked. It was when I first met her.

The memory was just at the back of my head, as if it had just happened yesterday. Everything about that particular memory was so very vivid. 

The crying. The wailing. The yelling. The hurting. And. The comfort. 

❗️❗️T/W : suicide attempt ❗️❗️

The night was deep and the moon was full. The cold breeze gazing upon my revealed skin. I have been stressed from studying for finals that week and I was simply walking around for some fresh air but came to a halt when I saw a girl crying and wailing her heart out on an abandoned bridge. She looks like a Latina- American and was sitting on the flat rails of the bridge. Her short pixie cut was messed up and her clothes were torn all over. I noticed the bruises and cuts around her body. Blood was coating her clothes and her limbs.

The said Latina was wrapping her arms around her knees trying to hug herself for comfort. 

I noticed movements next to her and I spotted an otter by her side that was moving around and it seems like she was conversing with the said otter. I couldn't hear what she was saying as I was albeit far from her but her crying and wailing was definitely within my hearing range.

I was hesitating on what I should do. Should I go up and comfort her or does she wants to be alone right now? Even if I do offer to comfort her, would she even accept it? I'm just a stranger to her.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a shrill yell. I focused my gaze and saw her head hung over as she balled her first to her head, clutching her hair with hot tears streaming down her face as she screams in frustration and agony. The otter next to her seems concerned, as if it knows that she's currently hurting. The otter kept rubbing itself softly against her thighs as a sign of comfort. The girl was still yelling in agony as she started to repeatedly hit her head with her balled first while slowly rocking herself forwards and backwards on the railing.

As I keep watching her, I felt my own tears threatening to spill. My heart instantly felt heavy with a pang of concern to top it all. I've never seen anyone so broken and fragile before. My thoughts went over to the fact that her position on the bridge seems to describe her emotions perfectly. Sitting on the railings of a bridge, only waiting for a certain push to make her fall over the edge. But it seems like she didn't want to wait for that push anymore. 

It all happened so fast. My eyes went wide when she stood up, shaking and hyperventilating as she tries to keep her balance over that flat but not wide railing. I wanted to run over to her but I've never dealt with this situation before so all I could do was freeze in place. 

All of a sudden, she started to lean forward and that was all the push I needed. All hesitation, shocked or worry seems to just push itself away as I dash over to where she was just in time for me to grab her right wrist as she dangled for dear life over the railing. I held her thin wrist tightly with both of my hands as I tried to keep her up with every energy left in me.

I looked into her eyes as she did the same to mine. She looked surprise to what I did but there was something else in that look. Another emotion. Or emotions to be exact. Her eyes kept flickering between these two emotions repeatedly. An emotion that was literally yelling 'let me go, please, I want this' while the other was desperately yelling 'hold on, please, I still want to live' .

But I definitely was not going to let her die just like that in front of me. She may not have much will to live and people in her life may or may not gave up on her but I'm definitely never going to give up on her so easily. Stranger or not, she's still human worth to be happy. An it's obvious she needs someone to hold on to, to lean on right now. And I was willing to be that person she needs. 

I let out a grunt as I tried pulling her up. I struggled at first but after a while, I managed to secure her back onto the bridge. I collapsed down next to her, panting heavily with sweat dripping down my face. I soon calmed down and turned to face her. She was back to hugging her knees with her head hurried deep in between. 

❗️>end of T/W< ❗️

"Hey.." 

I kept my voice soft as I didn't want to scare her for she looks pretty shaken up from her suicide attempt. 

"Are... are you... okay?" 

She slowly brought her head up a bit from her knees but stopped midway, only allowing me to see her eyes. Her eyes were bloodshot red and puffy from all the crying. 

She sniffled then brokenly whispered back; "... No.."  

I couldn't bare to see her like this. I scooted closer to her and slowly reached out so I can wrap her into a hug. However, the moment my arms touched her shoulders, she flinched and pushed me away harshly. Fear was written all over her face. 

"No !! No !! Enough !! This is already the worst night of my life !! Just please !! Please.... stop helping me"

"Shh.. it's fine.. I got you.. it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay.." 

"No ! It's not.. you won't get it.." 

"Then please.. let me help you" 

"I don't need your help" 

I looked at her. It's clear that she's not going to let me help her, but I still need to try either way. I can't just leave her like this. For all I know, she might just come back here the next day trying to have a redo. 

"Please just... let me show you how to live then" 

I smiled to her reassuringly. Showing her that I'm here for her, that I won't leave. 

"Please don't do this, don't act like you care" 

I slowly moved towards her, trying not to scare her again. I tried to hug her again and unlike my last attempt, I managed to give her some warmth and comfort.

"But I do care...and I can't give up on you. So why don't you tell me what's wrong? I won't push if you don't want to" 

She looked up at me for the second time after I saved her that night, tears was streaming down her cheeks. I cupped her cheeks and wiped away her tears only for it to be quickly replaced.

"It's just... I..." 

"It's fine... take your time.. I'm not leaving"  I proceeded to rub circles on her back with my palm as a sign of reassurance. 

" It's my dad... I regressed earlier today in front of him.. and he got mad.. and when he's mad he can get... violent" 

"Is that how you got all these bruises and cuts?" 

She nodded slowly and I squeezed her to give her more comfort. "I'm so sorry that happened" 

"It's fine.. I'm used to it. Today was just.. extra" she whispered.  "My mom left exactly six years ago today and that's when I first regressed.."

I kept on rubbing circles onto her back waiting for her to continue, but everything I'm hearing so far, I don't like it one bit. Life must be so hard for her. 

"That's why dad got mad when I regressed again today.. and it just... it... brought back memories.." She paused herself as she was trying to collect herself from all the sobbing and sniffling. 

" After mami left, the school counsellor noticed me regressing and told me I have involuntary age regression...they notified my dad.. he got mad as usual... when I got home, he said he'll send me to therapy... not so I can get better.. but because he hated me for this just proves more that I'm a 'freak' as he calls me.. he wants me to be 'normal' and no matter how hard I try.. I keep being more and more of a freak..."

"Hey... don't say that.. I've only known you for a few minutes but from what I see, you're not a freak.. don't say that okay? And for your father.. maybe you can try to give him a chance to see who you are completely, or you'll regret it.." 

After those words slipped my mouth, she jumped out of my embrace and stood up in one motion. She looked pissed as tears fell even more. Her knuckles went white as she balled her fist.

"I'm not the one who should have regrets..."  her words spoken from between her gritted teeth.

She looked at me into my eyes as she started to yell at me animatedly; 

"I was the kid.. I WAS THE KID !! I was 10.. ten years old.. I was terrified.. TERRIFIED !! I'm not the one who should have regrets... and I needed one thing from them and they couldn't give it to me.. their love.. I just.. I want it so bad... so don't you... god..."

She groaned as she slumped down, leaning her back against the railing as she continued sobbing, her sleeves as her only source of tissue as she kept wiping her snotty nose.

I reached out to her as I embraced her into a hug once again. She pulled me in closer as she sobbed into my shoulder. I just sat there rubbing circles onto her back. We just stayed in that position for quite some time. 

Her sobs then shifted into sniffles every now and then along with hiccups. 

"Feeling better ?"  

She pulled back a little to look at me; "a little.. yeah" 

I gave her a little smile as I brushed her hair with my fingers softly. 

"I may not know the life you have, the problems you face, the demons who wronged you... but... when you think no one cares, you can look to me"

She looked away from me as she bit her lips. I placed my finger underneath her chin as I moved her face so she would be facing me once again. 

"What's on your mind?" 

She hesitated for a moment before speaking up again; 

"This cannot go on any further.." 

I furrowed my eyebrows together, confused. I genuinely want to help her and it's obvious she has no one to lean on by what she've just told me about her parents. So, why is she pushing me away?

 'What fear is blocking you from the feeling of being loved inside of you?'  I thought to myself.

"Why not?" I asked. 

"Because I don't want to hurt you.. I'm too much.. forget about me and just pretend that this never happened"

My gaze soften upon hearing that. 

I whispered reassuringly to her; 

"But I don't mind... survival takes strength and I genuinely want to help you find the strength that you need.. I've said this earlier but I'll say it again because I mean it with all my heart, let me teach you how to live... do you trust me?" 

Her eyes started wandering around my face, scanning to see if I was just humouring her but after seeing that I was only being sincere she let out a sigh.

She smirked. The smirk that didn't reached her eyes,

"I trust you completely.. and that's scary too" 

I smiled and nodded my head. I stood up and reached my hand out for her to hold. As she held my hand, I pulled her back to her feet. 

"Well then, if that's settled let's get you cleaned up before sending you home. I'm Willow Park by the way." 

She gave me a smile. The first smile since I've laid my eyes on her. "I'm Luz. Luz Noceda.. and thank you.. for everything you just did" 

"No problem, Luz. I'll bring you back to my home first so me and my dads can get you cleaned up. My dads own a restaurant so they'll be able to make something for you to eat as well. Since it's late you'll be staying over. I'll bring you back to your place tomorrow."

She gave me a small hesitant nod and we went on walking home to my dads while making small talk to get to know each other better. 

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It wasn't really the best circumstances but at least she's here now and that's what matters. She started working here at my dads' restaurant a few weeks after she moved in with Eda which is about a year after I met her. I did kept in touch and stayed loyal to my promise with her after that night. She would come over to my place whenever she felt unsafe in her own place and because of that me and my dads consider her family. She has went through so much and I'm proud with how far she's come. 

A short buzz snapped me out of my thoughts. I noticed my notification going off. A smile found its way onto my face when I realised it was just Boscha texting me. 

Boscha 💖

Hey babe! Are you busy? 

Hye hunny ! And no, I'm not busy. It's a slow day. What's up? 

Boscha 💖

Great ! I just wanted to ask if you want to hangout after work today 😉

Reading her text made me shake my head in amusement. This idiot. Obviously I would say yes. But I decided to humour her anyways. 

Why should I? 🤨 Any reasons in particular ?

Boscha 💖

Awwee baby please~ I miss you🥺

Fine. I can never say no to you. But can Luz come? 

Boscha 💖

Yes !! I knew you can never say no to my charms😌 

Yeah yeah whatever makes you happy hunny🙄

Boscha 💖

Don't act like that.. I know you love it😙

Yeah, I do🥰 

Anyways, can Luz come?

Boscha 💖

Luz? Sure !! Last I spoke with her was like a week ago.. 

don't get me wrong but why bring her up all of a sudden? 

She's been acting weirder and chipper then usual

I think something's wrong and maybe we can help cheer her up

Boscha 💖

Awwee my poor baby😔

Sure ! I want to help cheer her up as well

And since we're in this topic, can I bring Amity too? 

Amity ? I thought she always decline your offers to hang out? We all know how wild you can be😏

Boscha 💖

Urghh don't remind me🙄 

And if she's not coming only because I'm wild then that girl is missing out on all the fun! 

She's always with her paperwork😩

Besides.. her boring ass needs to live once in a while 

Boscha !! Don't say such things😠

Boscha 💖

Ok ok fine.. anyways I'll bring her this time.. you'll see

Also she may be able to help us with Luz as well 

Luz may not want to open up to Amity immediately 

But if Amity doesn't show than you'll owe me $20 

Boscha 💖

Oh I assure you.. Amity will come

I'm just trying to help her de-stress is all 

So you better stop challenging me with this😠

Awwee you're so sweet 

Boscha 💖

Am not😠

And cute 🥺

Boscha 💖

Arrghh!! Enough of this !! 

And soooo precious~🥰

Boscha 💖

I AM NOT SWEET !!!!

Obviously cute and goddamn precious...✨

BUT I AM DARK AND MYSTERIOUS AND DANGEROUS AND AM VERY PISSED OFF 😡

I chuckled lightly at her response. This girl is going to be the death of me.. 

Aweee how cute :3 

Boscha 💖

I'm warning you flowers.. I. Will. End. You 

You better sleep with one eye open 

Alright alright 😅

Tell me where and when to meet you already you idiot

But before I could wait for her response, the sound of distant shoutings brought my attention back to the restaurant. I glanced around and noticed. No Luz. Oh no. My mind quickly wandered around the negative possibilities while I roam around the restaurant trying to find her. My feet dragged itself towards the sound of the shoutings. As I reached the source, my mouth went slowly agape as I froze in place. 

Luz was down on her knees crying and talking gibberish while having her thumb in her mouth, a sign that she had regressed. Her uniform was all smudged with the food that was presumedly thrown by the rude customer that was shouting at her. 

I quickly stepped in front of Luz to stand up for her while facing the said customer. He was wearing a fancy looking black suit with a red tie. His dusty blonde hair combed neatly and was set in place with some gel. His face annoyed and irritated by whatever that happened earlier. 

"Can I help you sir?" I tried being to be as polite as possible because unlike him, I still have my manners in check.

"You damn sure can !! That sorry excuse of a waitress knocked me over and spilled sauce onto my suit !" 

He pulled his hand out in front of me and pointed at the tiny blob of sauce visible on his right sleeve. I raised my eyebrow and took a glance at Luz. She was covered with the same dish that 'ruined' his suit, only much more than his. She was completely soaked with gravy from the dish.

"And you just decided that it was wise to dump the entire dish onto her?" 

He scoffed in disbelief, "She deserved it! It'll teach her not to be clumsy. I mean, look at her!" 

He pointed to Luz who was still crying and sucking her thumb. When she noticed him pointing at her, she scooted forward and latched herself onto my legs and hugged my legs tightly while continue to cry some more. I reached down and pat her head softly trying to comfort her while I deal with this jerk. 

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. I don't understand why you-"

"Nothing wrong with her ?!! Are you kidding me?!! She's completely wacko ! Can't you see ?? It's so obvious ! How can you even hire her ?! She's just a crybaby ! She's insane !! She obviously do not belong in this society !! She's just a freak !" 

"SHE IS NOT A FREAK !" I snapped causing him to go wide eyed. I couldn't take it anymore. Dumping a dish on her is one thing, but belittle her while she's vulnerable? I won't let that slide. 

"Sure she has her flaws, but then again, who doesn't? And if you weren't shouting at her she wouldn't even be crying. Look, I'm sorry in her behalf and I'm sorry for saying this but you have to leave sir."

"What did you just say to me?" 

"I believe I asked you to leave sir. Do I have to repeat myself or do I have to get you out by force?" 

"Excuse me?!" He snorts. "I'm not leaving until you get that b*tch fired. That'll teach her for messing with me." 

I huffed in annoyance. He sure is persistent.

"I'm sorry sir but I can't do that. She has a right to work here and she will continue to do so as well. Now please, I'll only ask this one last time. Leave this restaurant NOW." 

"No!! Where is your manager? I'm pretty sure they would agree to fire her as well. Until you get your manager, I'm not leaving." 

I was about to open my mouth to form a response but I felt something tug my pants. I looked down and saw Luz looking at me with tears eyes while she mumbled something. 

"What is it, little one?" I asked softly while I crouched down to meet her eye level.

"Luz.. Luzura.." 

"Luzura?" I mumbled to myself. I then noticed that Luzura was not with her. Luzura is Luz's purple otter plushie which she brings around everywhere all the time. Luzura is Luz's security item, an item that makes her feel safe. Without Luzura, Luz would regress and goes cranky.

Luz pointed to the mean customer earlier and said in a childlike tone, "Grumpy man took her.." 

I stared in disbelief. Not only did he dumped food on her. But he also took away her only source of safety. What the hell is wrong with this man!

I felt my anger boiling as I stood back up to face him. 

"You took away her doll ??!" 

"Pfft- you mean that old rag? Why would she keep something so old and silly. That's for toddlers and she's like-" 

"Excuse me what is going on?" 

I turned around and came face to face with my dad. Oh thank goodness, finally. 

"So you must be the manager?" The rude customer inquired. 

"Indeed, I am."

"Good. Now can you please tell glasses here that the wacko needs to get fired." 

"I'm sorry but first of all, 'glasses' is my daughter and I'd appreciate if you address her properly. Secondly, no one is getting fired. Whatever happened, I assure you it's just an accident and we're terribly sorry." 

"Are you kidding me! She RUINED my suit! She NEEDS to be fired!" 

My dad was about to object when suddenly a dark skinned male with black curly hair stepped in. He seems to be around my age or younger. 

"Urmm.. sorry to interrupt this little argument here but I just want to say that I witnessed what happened earlier and I wanted to clarify that he knocked into her while she was carrying the dishes because he was busy talking to the phone. I'd know because the dish that is covering this falsely accused waitress, it's mine."

Son of a- .. when I thought I couldn't hate him more, I just did. All this, because of his wrongly placed ego?!

After hearing that, my dad went ahead and kicked the rude customer out by force. Now that's settled, I walked towards the kind man earlier with Luz clutched behind me to thank him for helping us out. 

"Thank you, sir." I shot the kind man a smile.

"No problem! Oh! And before I forgot.." 

He reached his hands into his pocket and fished out a tiny purple otter plushie. Luzura. The plushie looks completely messed up. Her head was ripped along with the left leg, stuffings spilling from the holes. 

"I uh... I grabbed it after he tossed it aside" he whispered as he put Luzura into my hands. 

I brushed Luzura's torn head with my thumb. "Thank you so much. For everything Mr...?" 

"Oh yeah.. introductions.. right.. I'm Augustus Porter! But you can call me Gus. I'm an anthropology major at Hexide University." 

"Nice to meet you Gus! I'm Willow Park. You say you're a student from Hexide? Huh.. I'm from there too, botanic study. Explains why I've never seen you there before." 

"Well, I hope to see you there soon Willow." 

After giving me and Luz a short wave, he left the shop. I hope I get to meet him again. He seems nice. 

I brought Luz over to the staff's room to get her cleaned up. Once I've help her change, I sat her onto the desk by the door and left trying to find the sewing kit to fix Luzura. 

While trying to find the sewing kit, I suddenly remembered that I've left Boscha mid text. I quickly pulled out my phone and read through her text. 

Boscha 💖

Don't bother. I'll pick you up at 7 

We'll be going to the mall btw 

Babe? 

Babeeeee~~

Willowwwwww

Hello? 

Heyyyyyyyyyyy

Fine be that way😔

Sorry.. there was a rude customer 

He was yelling at Luz for something she didn't do

We managed to get him out tho but she regressed

Boscha 💖

WTH !! 

How is she holding up? She's fine now right? 

Yeah yeah she's fine but she's still regressed 

He tore Luzura and I'm trying to sew her back

Boscha 💖

I'm glad she's alright 

I'm otw to the restaurant rn 

And I have Amity🥳 

Wait-

AMITY ACTUALLY AGREED??!!

Boscha 💖

Heck yeah !! I told you I could do it😏

$20 will be mine✌🏼

Anyways.. is Luz still regressing 

After reading her last text, I walked back to the staff's room and peeked through the slightly ajar door. I watched for a few seconds as Luz silently sobbed while playing with Luzura with one hand and the other placed in her mouth. 

Yup, she's still regressing

Boschа 💖 

Great ! I can't wait to play with the little one 🤩

Alright bye for now I'll be driving 

Muah! 💋

I then pocketed my phone and soon found the sewing kit. I walked back to Luz and carefully remove Luzura from her grasp. But the moment I took it, she tugged back. 

"Huh? Luz please I just want to help." I tried convincing her. 

"No! You can't fix her!" 

"Luz of course I can. All I have to do is stitch her back and she'll-"

Luz pulled Luzura with a rough tug and squeezed the torn doll tightly between her arms.

"You can't fix her !!" She shouted. 

I flinched at the volume, agape.

"SHE'S BROKEN !! YOU CAN'T FIX WHAT'S BROKEN !!" 

I don't think she's just talking about the doll.

I sighed, "Luz..." I moved closer to her and wrapped her in a side hug. 

"Luz, what's wrong?" 

She laid her head onto my shoulder, little sniffles leaving her once a while. 

"Eda's sending me to therapy..." she whimpered.

I tensed. She's going to therapy? Luz hates therapy. But knowing Eda, I do know it's for the best. 

"I'm guessing you're scared? Is that why you've been acting off today?" 

I felt her head slowly nodding against my shoulder. I began running my hand up and down her forearm. 

"Luz.. it's alright to be scared. I've got you. You also got my dads, Eda and Boscha too. We're all here for you, Luz."

"I know that..." 

"... but?" 

She sighed and pulled me in closer.  

"It's not worth it. I can't be fixed. It's not worth it." 

Her voice was so soft. So genuine. So confident that her words was the exact truth when it was so so far from that. 

Suddenly a deep voice intervene;

"We all know that's not true Luz." 

Along with another voice;

"We all have to hurt if we want to heal. You've done plenty of hurting for so long now, please let yourself start healing." 

My dads then came into view and stood across the table where Luz and I sat. 

I spoke up, "and if you need help to heal, you've got us."

My dad nodded, "The Parks have got your back, kiddo." 

Luz pulled away slightly and wiped her snotty nose with her sleeve. Soft sobs still escaping her while she shook slightly. 

"Thank you guys so much. You've done a lot for me."

We all looked at her with a soft smile plastered on our faces. 

"Of course. You're family too." 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter Text

"Whatever it is, I’ll help you, I’ll stay with you until you understand your heart"

-No Game No Life Zero

"There’s always a way to get what we want. Always"

-Paradise Hills

——————————————-——————————————-——————————————-————————————————————

Amity's POV

Thud ! 

'Urghhh I freaking hate this!'

The tealed-hair woman's little bubble moment was interrupted by the sound of the door creaking open revealing Boscha with a smug grin across her face. 

I sneered, "If you're here to brag about you being right that I needed a break, be my guest."

Boscha pushed herself from the door frame, giggling at her childhood friend. She walked towards where I'm sitting, her hair bun slighly bouncing on her head as it was loosely tied;

"A tempting offer but I think I'll pass."

I looked up, wincing at the sight of Boscha lifting herself onto my desk, pushing off my pilling paperworks as it scattered across the floor. I glanced at the lady whom made herself comfortable on my desk, my eyebrow raised, "Oh?"

Boscha rolled her eyes, "Quit acting so surprised, you're hurting my lil old mean girl pride and also, I'm not going to make fun of you every single time I decide to pop into your office, Mittens. I mean, why waste my efforts when I can just call you through your office's phone to do that."

I then raised my pointer finger at the woman while glaring at her, "One; don't you dare prank call me with my office phone. It serves a greater purpose then to be bothered by your childish pranks.'' 

The magenta-haired woman just blowed a raspberry at the comment, "Eww. Way to ruin the fun princess, besides it's not my fault you chose me as your secretary. Its just one of the quirks that I received from my position in this company. That's your problem." She shrugged. 

Ignoring the remark I resumed, "And two, you're definitely restacking all those papers you just oh so casually pushed off," sighing when I heared a groan from the latter.  

"Anything else, your highness?"

"Yes, there is." I leaned back against my leathered chair, arms folded. "If you're not here to brag or to tease me, what are you here for?'' 

I paused, my eyes scanned all over Boscha, "And I doubt you're here to give me more work since you don't have a new file on you."

"Woww never taken you as a sharp observer," she snared back. I rolled my eyes at the sarcastic remark. 

"Come on Boscha. I don't have all day so hurry and tell me what you need so I can go back to work." 

Boscha jumped off from the desk to get a head start on restacking the papers. Silence began to fill the room as I watch her work. I know for a fact that she's purposely testing my patience and it is very much working. 

With very little to none patience, I decided to threaten her since it looks like she isn't going to start talking soon. 

"You better start talking or I'm going to break your fingers."

That seems to work because it resulted in a very - and I really mean very - dramatic gasp from the girl. 

She rushed and positioned herself in front of me and leaned forward while hitting my desk with her bare hands;

"You can't do that!" 

I scoffed, "And why not?"

She seems baffled at my response. She wiggled her fingers in front of me while saying, "Because as a pansexual, my fingers are very important. And may I stress the fact that I'm a pan with a girlfriend!"

I huffed in annoyance and swatted her hands away from my face. "Exactly the point."

Boscha suddenly hit her chest with her palm with the audacity to look offended, "My my Mittens. I knew you were mean but I didn't knew you were this cruel!"

She then squinted her eyes, glaring at me, "And if you dare break my fingers I can assure you that Willow is definitely breaking yours."

"She can't."

"And why not?" She challenged. 

"Because I'm a lesbian so I need them more than you."

"No you don't."

"Huh?" I looked up at her with my eyes widen in surprise. I know that I'll regret asking this but, "Why not?"

She snickered and started to twirl her fingers around her loose strands of hair while trying to look innocent. 

"Because unlike your sad and lonely fingers, mine are what you could say... busy.." 

And there it is. The regret. 

I gritted my teeth, "You better start talking or you're going to regret saying that." 

With a thud she placed the now organised stack of papers onto my desk. She backed up and leaned against the doorframe once again and said;

"I'm taking you out to hang with me and Willow at the mall."

"YOU WHAT!! I'm sorry but I don't recall agreeing." 

"I know but you're coming with anyways since I've told Willow that you're coming along so you don't really have a choice here Blight."

I muttered, "Not only am I forced to go along with you without consent but I'm also third wheeling your date. Great.."

"Oh you're not, don't worry."

I raised my eyebrows as a sign for her to elaborate her point. 

"You're not third wheeling because someone else is joining us too."

Curious I asked, "Who? Do I know them?"

Boscha shrugged her shoulders, "Unless you've met them without my knowledge, I don't think you've met her. Their name is Luz. Ring any bells?"

I searched through my memories, "No, I don't think I've heard her name before." 

Her eyes lighted up, "Great! New friends for you!" She left my office to grab her purse, I guess. 

"Yeah yeah." I stood up and began to pack up.

Once I'm done, I met up with Boscha in front of her car at the corporate's car park. 

"A tip to you." She began. "Last I heard from Willow, she's regressing so don't freak, okay?"

As she started the engine I inquired, "Regressing?"

She hummed in agreement. "They have involuntary age regression since she was 10."

Nodding, I glanced out the window. Enjoying the way how everything just passes by as a blur as we swift by them. After a while, I started to tune into the music that was playing from the radio.

A sudden chime broke me out from my 'music appreciation' moment. I fished my phone out of my pocket and noticed a text from my mentor, Miss Lilith informing me regarding a new patient that I'll be appointed to in two weeks. 

"Who's that?" 

I typed a quick reply and turned my head to face the driving lady, "Oh, it's just Miss Lilith telling me about a new patient."

"A new patient?" She asked, surprised. 

Nodding my head I replied, "Yeah. Apparently this new patient is Miss Lilith's former patient a few years back."

"What's their name?" 

I shrugged, "I don't actually know. She just said that she'll tell me who it is when she gives me this 'mysterious' patient their file tomorrow."

Hands still on the wheels, she pointed out, "Based on how you're referring this new patient of yours, I'm taking that they're either non-binary or she didn't tell you their gender as well." 

I sighed, laying my head back against the head rest, "No, she didn't even mentioned their gender. I literally know nothing about this patient of mine. She just wanted to tell me before she forgets as she's about to go into a meeting."

"I see." 

The car was filled by silence once again apart from Boscha humming along to the songs that played during the drive. 

A few minutes after, we pulled up a few metres away from Willow dads' restaurant. We took what we need and walked into the vacant restaurant as it was closed early.   

And as the barbarian she is, Boscha yelled, "WILLOW!! WE'RE HERE!!" 

Not long after the very obvious entrance thanks to a certain somebody, Willow popped into view from the staff room and hissed, "Can you please act like a decent human being and not yell?"

Boscha pouted, "What... it's so much easier this way." 

Rolling her eyes, she gave the girl a quick peck on the lips before turning to me. 

"Hey, Amity! Glad you could finally join us."

I smiled warmly at the short blue-haired girl, "No problem!" I then glared at Boscha, "Not like I have much choice anyways." 

Boscha's giggle was cut short when she noticed Willow's look. She muttered underneath her breath, "Yeah yeah I'm sorry." 

She looked around trying to look for something, or maybe someone. My suspicions was confirmed when she spoke up, 

"Hey, where's Luz? Is she still regressing or have they calmed down?"

At that, Willow raised her eyebrow. "They?" 

Boscha looked shocked, "I..I mean.. wait- I thought she told you too?"

A few moment passed before Willow widen her eyes in recognition, "Oh my god you're right." 

Boscha began to flail her arms around, "Wait ! Wait ! Are you telling me that you've been misgendering her?!"

Willow winced, "It just slipped my mind! I'm so sorry."

Boscha sighed, "You better. They trusts you a lot Willow and you've worked hard to get to that point."

"I know, I know." Desperate to change the topic Willow resumed, "But to answer your question, Luz calmed down and they should be out soon. She was just packing up." 

As if on cue, this Luz person came into view. She was wearing a grey oversized T-shirt that drooped over their right shoulder that revealed her black tank top tucked into a green and pink plaided short skirt and underneath she wore black cycle shorts that reached their knees. Her white converse with black base along with a laced chocker that has a circular shaped diamond hanging loosely in the middle on their neck tied her outfit together perfectly. She then started to run their fingers through her hair while softly placing them in place. She had part of her loosely-curled dark auburn hair tucked neatly in a red beanie with a few strands poking out from the side framing her face, showing off her black round earrings. 

All in all Luz was absolutely gorgeous. 

I feel my face heating up the more she approached us. She stopped a few feet away from me, a soft smile made its way on their face. My breath hitched when her smile appeared. No doubt a dopey grin had found a place on my face too. They put her hand out and started, "Hye. My name is Luz. Luz Noceda. Nice to meet you!" 

Instead of reincorporating the gesture, I just stood there staring at them with a dopey lovestruck grin along with a very flushed face. In my defence, how am I supposed to work properly after hearing that beautiful voice of hers! 

I heard Boscha snickering at me but I couldn't care less about her teasing right now. 

"Umm.. Amity?" Willow spoke, trying to snap me out of my dazed state while trying to hold back her laughter as well. 

"I'm pretty sure you're supposed to do a hand shake while introducing yourself."

I shook my head trying to get myself together, "Oh ! Oh right ! Introduction !" I chuckled nervously, my eyes darting around trying to avoid Luz's gaze.

Willow laughed, "Sorry Luz but Amity here," she started to gesture at my barely functioning figure, "can't function properly when a very pretty girl is talking to her."

Luz started blushing and my face began to become even more red. "Willow !" I hissed. 

My ears was suddenly blessed with the best music I've ever heard. Luz's laugh. 

"It's fine really." She waved it off. "Very flattered honestly." They snickered. 

Trying to save the akward situation, Boscha invited Luz to 'have a little chat' as she put it. 

Once they were out of sight, Willow slung her arms around me. She cooed at me, "Amity, Amity. My dear gay disaster, Amity."

I crossed my arms and scowled at her, "Not a single word from you, you hear me Park?"

"And miss out on an oppurtunity to tease you for your gay panics?" She smirked, "Never."

"Urghhh. You and Boscha are impossible." I groaned. 

She snickered, "It's very obvious that you just developed a crush on a person you literally just met."

Groaning, I pushed my face into my palms. "Stop reminding me... please." 

At that, she released a full belly laugh. I can't help but smile myself. I'm glad I managed to patch things up with her. Me emancipating my parents was definitely the best decision in my life. 

I was brought back to the present by the sight of a very serious looking Willow that no doubt managed to make me gulp and squirm under under her gaze. She began, "You better remember this Blight. Don't you DARE hurt her. Got it?"

My mouth went dry and not trusting my mouth I settled with an enthusiastic nod as my answer. 

My reply must've satisfied her because she shot me back a, "Good."

"Now that's settled," She put her hand out for me to take it, "Let's go check on Luz and Boscha before they destroy something." 

Nodding, I held her hand all the while she dragged me around the restaurant trying to locate the other two. 

The moment we set foot at the food display table, we couldn't help but stare at the scene playing in front of us. 

Lo and behold is a very competitive Boscha and a very eager Luz stuffing their mouths with sugar powdered doughnuts as much as their mouth capacity allow them too. No doubt that they are in the middle of a self proclaimed eating contest. 

Turns out, the little scene does not please Willow. At all. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!" 

Hearing Willow's shrill yell, Boscha immediately started to choke while Luz was trying to swallow her doughnuts as fast as possible, trying and failing. 

Call me crazy but, looking at Luz right now; hair disheveled, with traces of sugar powder across her small plum lips and all over their clothing, mouth still full trying to choke down every last bit of doughnut. She looks so adorable! How can someone looks so cute while eating so messily! That's just very unfair! 

Apparently Willow was giving them a very lengthy lecture that I tuned out since I was too busy staring at her. At least Luz and Boscha managed to look ashamed, heads hanging low while Luz was scuffing their left leg across the ground. 

Willow snapped me back to the present with the comment, "Wait- did you guys just... finished all the doughnuts?" 

Curious, I turned my head to the tray that once held many delicious looking doughnut, only to find that it's now empty with no speck of the sugar powder at all. 

Boscha and Luz shared a little sideways glance at each other, immediately shaking their heads afterwards. 

"No ! No ! Of course not!" Boscha let out a very 'convincing' chuckle. 

"Then what is the white powdery thing on your pants? And on your clothes? Not to mention, your mouths? Pretty sure those are traces of the sugar powders."Willow pointed out.

Mouth still stuffed with doughnuts, Luz tilted her head;

"Coccaine?" Although it sounded much like a question. 

Willow groaned at the answer," Seriously guys?" 

She deadpanned," That is literally the worst lie I've ever heard." 

Despite Luz's -dare I say, adorable- attempt at lying, I couldn't help but laugh at her effort. 

Only to stop when I spot a spray of red tinting their cheeks. My eyes widen in surprise. Is she? No... that's impossible. Right? There's no way she likes me the way I like them. We just met ! And who knows, they might be straight too... 

Surprisingly, the last statement made me feel a pang in my chest, a frown forming onto my features. 

"Are you okay?" 

Oh geez, she noticed. 

I turned my gaze onto those adorable features and shot her a smile, "Yeah.. yeah.. I'm fine don't worry" 

This is going to be a long trip to the mall. 

—————————————- time skip cuz I'm lazy ———————————————————————————————-

I gripped onto my purse, knuckles turning white. Relax Amity, you've gone through this plenty of times. You can do this.

But what if I can't ? This new patient must be a handful if Ms. Lilith herself can't help them. So, what makes her think I can? 

Oh god i can't do this. It isn't too late to turn back now righ- 

"Amity, dear!" 

Oh no, it's too late. 

I fiddled nervously in my seat as I watch Ms.Lilith pulled out a chair across my seat. We've decided to meet up at The Owl House Caffe mostly because her family owns it.

Once she've ordered her coffee, she scanned all over me to read my expressions as she usually does. 

She cleared her throat but it did not help ease the tension I'm feeling. 

"Amity, dear." She began. "I know you're nervous but I assure you there is no reason to be so worked up."

I raised my eyebrows at that and she looked at me. "Your eyebrows are judging me." 

"I noticed." 

She sighed," Amity i promise you that she isn't much trouble. She just has a hard time opening up thats all." 

At least now I know my patient's gender. That's something.

I watched her expectantly as she pulled out the patient's file out of her bag. 

When the file was displayed in front of me, I couldn't believe the sight before me. 

On the file, in big uppercase letters laid the name of the person that've been on my mind ever since the hangout yesterday. 

Luz Estrella Noceda

Fate really is cruel. And so is love.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

After my short meeting with Ms.Lilith, I immediately called Boscha for an impromptu chat at my apartment. Which we're currently located. In the living room. With Boscha lying on my couch. And me. Standing. PANICKING.

"Stop panicking, Am! If you keep pacing like that you might ruin your floor!" 

I grumbled in protest. "Can you blame me?! The subject of my affection is LITERALLY my patient."

Boscha perked up, eyes lighting up with a smug smile plastered onto her face. "SO YOU DO ADMIT THAT YOU LIKE LUZ!" 

My face felt so warm after that comment. No doubt it was red beyond belief. 

Boscha cackled with no shame at all. "Oh boy!! You should've seen your face !"

My blood was boiling. My face now red but with anger. 

"BOSCHA THIS IS A SERIOUS!" 

That finally managed to make Boscha's face turn from playful to serious. 

She sighed," ok seriously,Am." she looked me in the eye as asked, "Why are you so worked up on this?" 

I deadpanned. "Boscha I have a crush on her." 

"Yeah, and?" 

"And obviously I want to be in a relationship with her as more than a friend."

"So?"

My eyes twitched in disbelief, "Boscha. A theraphist and a patient can't be in a relationship. Hell they can't even be friends! Our relationship have to be strictly professional!"

I felt the urge to facepalm when I saw Boscha'e eyes widen. 

"Oh shit Amity! I wh- oh god... I'm so sorry Ams." 

I dragged my feet to the couch next to Boscha and slumped down. 

"Boscha..." I muttered. "What do I do?" 

I heard her exhaled loudly. "I honeslty have no idea Ams." 

The living room was dead silent as we wallow in our thoughts. Love is cruel. I want to be with Luz but... why... I can never win... 

"Hey Ams?" her voice not even above a whisper. 

"Yeah?"

"I've known Luz for about 2 years now and thanks to her I got to meet Willow. And I also know that she's a mess underneath the mask they put on daily. You're a therapist. Luz she's... Their wounds are bleeding and it's your job to heal it. To ease her pain. I know you can help them. You're perfect for the job."

As much as I want to argue with her, I can't since she's right. As a therapist it’s my job to help patients secure a baindaid over their wound.

"I know that Boscha."

"But?" She asked patiently. 

"I want to at least be friends with Luz.."

Boscha hummed in recognition. 

She pushed herself up albeit and propped herself on her elbow, her eyes soft while looking at me;

"Hey, I promise that we'll figure it out."

I couldn't respond. I was hesitant to. 

"Your first appointment with Luz is in about two weeks right?"

"Hmmm.." I couldn't say anything else. I was too deep in my thoughts to give out a proper response. 

"We'll figure it out Ams. Please just... trust me k?"

I sighed in exhaustion and closed my eyes, "Yeah alright.. I trust you..."

All my life I prefer when things are planned. Things that I can control. My schedule, always set a week before. I'm always organised. And yet; all it took is for one person to walk into my life and everything changed. I've never felt such a pull towards a person before.  It's like my gravity point has changed to this wonderful being. Making Luz the centre of everything. I want to be with her. Romantically or platonically. It doesn't matter. I just want to be with her. That's all I want. This is the first time I've ever had something that I actually want with no hesitation. 

The effect Luz has on me is unbelievable. 

Luz Noceda what are you doing to me?

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Chapter Text

"People always complain how rose bushes has thorns. But I rejoice that thorn bushes has roses"

-Paradise Hills

“Nothing can replace how the women in my life make me feel"

-Rupi Kaur-

—————-—————-—————-—————-—————-—————-—————-

3rd Person’s POV

Luz gazed out of the window, taking in the scenery of the pinkish sunset sky. Her hand lazily caressing their emotional support dog, King while slouching on the bay window of her bedroom. Although they were physically there, her mind, on the other hand, kept wandering off to a certain golden eyed girl.

Luz didn't realise it during the hangout earlier that day since they were trying to distract herself from the thought of going to therapy again, but once they were sprawled on the bed, it came barrelling like a snowball. Amity. The Amity Blight. The same Amity that will be her therapist in another two weeks. Thus leading Luz to their current situation, up and awake at 11pm, brooding on the bay window, trying to figure out how she felt about having Amity as their therapist.

A part of her thinks that Amity being their therapist can help boost their confidence and reassurance during the therapy since they've known each other. However, another part of them thinks that it will just complicate things as they don't think that it'll be comfortable for her to share many personal things that can be considered as close to intimate while still seeing Amity as an acquaintance instead of a therapist. Can a therapist and their client even be friends? Their mind kept spiralling on all the endless possibilities to the point that it's making her head hurt. 

The therapy is in a couple of weeks, she keeps reminding herself. You still have time to sort out your feelings. Yet, it still felt like they had no time left, their first appointment felt so far yet so close at the same time. Their eyes almost glazed as she leaned her head onto their knee, King still snoring at their side, seemingly unaware of her inner conflict. God, how Luz wished things weren't so complicated. 

Luz; so deep in thought, didn't notice Eda coming into her room to tuck them in as she usually does every night. Eda stood by the slightly ajar door, trying to see how long it would take for Luz to notice her presence. Upon the realisation that Luz was in too deep to be anything but aware of their surroundings, Eda took matter into her own hands. She slowly dragged herself to stand by Luz and gently placed her hands onto Luz's shoulders, trying not to scare the troubled teen. Luz visibly flinched as she was pulled out from their own messy thoughts. King, whose nap was disturbed by the sudden intrusion, stretched and left the room while letting out a sleepy grumble. 

"Pfft— so tiny so angry," Eda snorted at the reaction as she watched the pampered dog waddle out of the bedroom.

Eda turned her focus to the other presence in the room and sat herself down next to said presence. A beat of silence passed before Eda opted to voice out the question that she's been meaning to ask since she walked into the room;

"A penny for your thoughts? I'd love to know what's been bothering you."

Despite the soft and patient tone of Eda's voice,  Luz couldn't help but to hesitate upon doing as requested. She didn't want to simply dump her problems onto Eda. Eda has been kind enough to let them stay these past three years, it seems unfair for Luz to have Eda carry the baggage that she came along with. 

Eda noticed the distinct reluctance from Luz and she wrecked her brain trying to lighten up the atmosphere. 

"Come on, kid. If you tell me what it is, you'll get free excess to the plenty of maternal advice I can provide you with."

Luz failed to suppress the grin forming onto her lips. Classic Eda. 

Seeing that the effort worked, Eda decided to push it a little more; smirking, she nudged Luz playfully, 

"Not even for a fellow member of the Bad Girl Coven?' 

She finally managed to get out a huffed laughter from Luz. "Ok ok fine, I'll tell." 

As Luz began to pour out their thoughts onto the tentatively listening mother figure, the weight on their shoulders seemed to ease down bit by bit and upon finishing her rant, the knot around their chest loosen its grip allowing her to breathe once again. 

The tension around them was thick. Luz waiting for Eda to speak up, having every second passed to be as agonising as the next. Slowly the anxiety built up in the pit of her stomach until it became too much for them to handle.

"You know what, it's fine. You don't have to say anything." Luz sighed. "I don't expect you to know what to do either. I mean, how could you? This is my problem. I shouldn't have put this onto you in the first place." 

Eda seemed taken aback at the remark but she remained calm, having to deal with this plenty of time these past three years, she knows exactly how to handle situations like this. 

"It's true. You shouldn't have done that." 

Surprised at the reply, Luz stared at Eda wide- eyed as Eda tried to contain the chuckle that's bubbling in her throat at the teen's expression. 

"Wha- Eda I... I thought..." She cleared her throat. "If you think that that's the best response then it's clear that you don't know me as well as you thought." 

"True. I won't deny that..." Eda cupped Luz's cheek and brushed her thumb onto the flesh;

"But you don't even know yourself, am I right? I mean if you really do know yourself then you wouldn't be spiralling earlier."

Seeing the teen's lack of response she resumed, "but that's fine. Really it is. Life is all about discovery. I know that there's a lot that you don't know at the moment and yes, it may seem scary. However, you don't need to know everything right now. You'll discover things at your own pace and I understand, you feel like things are going too fast for you. But you have to remember that not everything waits for you. Everyone and everything has their own pace and you've just got to follow the flow, you know?" 

"Point is, maybe you should try talking to Amity about this. Ask for her opinion too and try to see where it goes from there." 

Luz slowly allowed Eda's words to sink in before slowly nodding her head in understanding; “Yeah… yeah, I think I’ll do just that.” She glanced up to the grey haired woman, smiling slightly, “Thanks Eda.” 

“Anytime kiddo.” 

They chatted for a few more minutes; talking about anything to everything really, until Eda decided that it was time to tuck Luz in. However, the moment the door closed behind her, Luz quickly jumped out of bed and sat on her desk, pulling out a notepad. She’s going to write Amity a note to invite her to meet up.

Luz didn’t manage to get Amity’s number during the hangout, being so blinded by how much fun she was experiencing. Their cheeks hurt from smiling that much. That’s just how it has been for Luz ever since she met Willow. 

Luz knew that by writing a note to Amity it’ll make the process of delivering the note itself much complicated. Sure they could’ve just asked Willow or Boscha to convey the invitation to Amity for her, but they didn’t. For two reasons; the first being she didn’t want either of them to feel left out although Luz knew deep down that neither Boscha or Willow would’ve mind but her insecurities won at the end. Second, Amity deserved knowing about the invitation from her directly. Despite the trouble, Amity is worth the trouble. 

Luz paused. Seemingly just stopped writing at that train of thought. Weird. Willow and Boscha have been her friends for years but Luz admits, despite how horrible it must sound, Luz would definitely go for the easier alternative when it comes to them. But Amity. Why would Amity be any different? 

Throughout the hangout, Luz noticed that she felt so attracted to her. Not romantically of course. She just felt like she just needs to learn more, to know more about Amity. As if suddenly Amity was the only focus in the story. 

‘Maybe it’s just because she’s a new friend to me’ Luz pondered for a while, ‘We are friends right?’ 

Luz shook her head. That’s another thought for another time. I’ve got a task I need to focus on. 

She spent the next few minutes writing and tossing the discarded notes into the trash. Luz just couldn’t get their words right. But finally; 

Dear Amity, 

Would you want to go for a hangout with me? At the arcade downtown about 5 days before our first session. I’ll pick you up at 7p.m. How about it? 

P/s: my number xxx-xxx-xxxx

Sincerely, 

Luz Noceda ʕ/•ᴥ•ʔ/♥︎

The note was simple and it was enough to get her point across. 

Luz laid back across the chair, staring at the note in hand. The thought of hanging out with Amity. At the arcade. Alone. Together. It just made them giddy with excitement and a feeling or warmth washed over her. 

She’ll deliver the note tomorrow. 

Luz got up but not before making sure she kept the note at a secure place so it wouldn’t be ruined. Plopping herself onto their bed; for now though, it’s time to try to get some shut eye. 

Luz was shaking. She knew that much. Even though they didn’t know why. Luz still couldn’t make out their surroundings as she was coming in and out of blurred consciousness. But the feeling in her chest. Or how it was oddly familiar. And Luz wanted nothing more than for it to just go away. For them not to feel this way anymore. The array of emotions bubbling in her; fear, anger, restlessness, emptiness. The throbbing of her head they felt whenever she would overthink, the pulsating heart that was everything but calm. And the paranoia, oh how she felt like something could just pounce onto her anytime soon. 

The first thing Luz managed to make out was the voice of the monster she once called a father. 

“!MALDITA¡ Shut up! You don’t have a say in this!”

“Leave! Now! The adult is talking, Luz! Stay out of it!”

“Not your fault, Luz?!! ¡Es exactamente tu jodidamente culpa! She left because of you!”

“Your mami’s broken Luz! She’s weak! Pathetic! You know this!”

“Por dios, we’ve talked about this! Just help me understand why you would want her to come back!”

“You can’t leave!! You’re MY daughter!”

“You’ll regret it and soon enough you’ll be crawling back to me”

“I’ll find you no matter where you hide. ¡Vas a vivir como una presa, pequeña!”

“ENOUGH!!!” 

Crash!

Gasp!

Luz shot up awake. Trembling from the nightmare she just had. She looked around and managed to let out a sigh when they finally got their bearings right. Although her father’s words kept ringing in her ears. 

 “¡Vas a vivir como una presa, pequeña!” 

Will he really? It’s been three years but.. who knows… What if he finds me? Will he take me away? But what if he changed? Maybe he’s nicer? Or maybe… 

Luz shook her head. All of this thinking is just making my head hurt. Instead, Luz got out of bed and made a beeline to the bathroom. She has something important to do after all. 

Deep breaths, Luz. This is it. 

Finally standing in front of Amity’s office, Luz couldn’t help but let her mind drift to the design of the office building. Damn, they whistled. This doesn’t seem like a bad place to have therapy. 

Once inside she looked around, trying to locate a map or somesort to help them navigate through this place. She wandered around the lobby for a few minutes. For a therapist office this place is kinda quiet. 

“Luz?!”

Luz snapped her head towards the person who called out to her and came face to face with the person she’s looking for. The one and only. Amity Blight. 

Luz looked up, immediately wearing a grin, feeling warmth spreading all over the Latina;
"Amity, hey! I was just looking for you!"

From afar, Amity visibly gulped, face almost instantly reddening;

"You.. you were looking for me?" 

Amity stared at the Latina. The tan dork, smiling bright, hair tousled underneath their beanie and— Oh Titan. The Blight immediately felt her face heating up. Her lips . Her plum cherry lips that seem albeit chapped and yet it looks so adorable to Amity. It just suits Luz through and through that the Blight just can’t help but think it’s cute. 

“Luz?! Holy- it is you!”

Amity shook her head, bewildered at her own thoughts and found that Boscha - who she might or might not left behind because of her constant teasing on her crush on Luz - is currently busy chatting away with her crush. 

Amity watched as Luz placed something into Boscha’s hands, posture stiff, flustered with her lips pursed before quickly turning back and almost immediately running out of the building. Well that was something. 

Boscha glanced at the confused Blight, smirking at the yearning expression she had on. Feeling the weight of the note Luz just gave her, she shoved the note into her face. Literally. 

Grumbling Amity snatched it but before she could open it, Boscha clutched onto the paper, whispering into the therapist’s ear; “Looks like you got yourself a date, Blight.”

Amity’s eyes widened, heart palpating wild and she gulped hard; “Wh- what?”

Snickering the girl purred, “Be gentle with Luz, Little Miss Perfect.” Eyes squinting, a smug grin on her face; “Enjoy your firsts together.”

“Boscha!” 

Boscha cackled as she tried to outrun the Blight. She looked over her shoulder, smirking as she saw the teal haired girl slowing down, she hollered, “There’s a motel down the street from your date just in case!” 

Ever since Amity got the invite from Luz, the Latina had spent more time in her head. After she got the number from Luz, they had been talking nonstop. Be it either via call or text messages. The both of them would talk as long from wishing each other good morning to conversations that usually don't even end with goodbye as they’ve slept before having the chance to say it, the other’s contact still on screen. There are nights where Amity would call herself lucky, having the chance to fall into slumber with Luz’s soft snores as her lullaby. 

However, even with the amount they’ve been talking to each other, nothing could prepare her for this moment. 

Amity leaned against the wall of the arcade’s entrance, absentmindedly scrolling through her phone trying to make herself look busy to the passersby when in reality she’s just constantly opening and closing her app whilst trying to mentally prepare herself for the hangout. Why? Because it’s with Luz! Just by saying her name in her mind is already enough to make the butterflies in her stomach flutter. Get a hold of yourself Blight! Luz isn’t even here yet and you’re already this way. 

“Amity!”

She looked up, hearing her name being called by the subject of her affection and suddenly Amity’s black legging, pink sundress with spiked bracelets seemed dull against Luz’s outfit in comparison. 

 Luz was wearing a black fitted denim jeans that framed their legs perfectly, their usual purple beanie, a matching purple flannel as a jacket with a black bandeau underneath, wrapping her lithe figure deliciously. Amity felt her face and neck heating up. She’s very embarrassed to admit that she just couldn’t tear her eyes away from Luz’s exposed toned stomach, feeling her mouth getting even dry as the Latina approached her bashfully. 

“Hi- hey, Amity” Luz winced inwardly at how croaky their voice sounded at the sight of the gorgeous Blight and Luz felt a little too self conscious, feeling a little underdressed compared to the girl in front of her. 

“Eres tan hermosa” they muttered. 

Amity breathed out, “what?”

“Oh .” Luz’s eyes widened, backing up a little in embarrassment as she realised that they thought that out loud. “ Oh! Nothing! I uh… just said that you looked pretty.” They grinned sheepishly. 

Amity’s face turned even crimson in colour. Good job, Luz. She sighed inwardly. You just made her uncomfortable. 

“Let’s head in!” The pale woman squeaked out. 

Nodding, Luz trailed the Blight into the arcade. Both too busy being flustered around each other to notice a few sets of eyes on them. 

The aesthetic arcade scent washed over the pair the moment they stepped in. Amity glanced over to Luz and watched as the said person took in the arcade’s environment with literal stars in her eyes. And yet the therapist can’t help but smile at the adorable display. 

The Blight was brought back to Earth when she heard a loud gasp coming from Luz. 

They abruptly pointed to the claw machines poking out from the corner of the arcade;

“I’ve always wanted to try that one!”

Not waiting for the girl to respond, Luz dashed to the machine leaving Amity, smiling fondly whilst shaking her head a little. Looks like I’m getting the tokens then. 

As Amity walked towards her partner, token finally in hand, she gazed softly at the way Luz was slightly bouncing in excitement in front of the claw machines.

Amused; “Have you never tried this?” The blight giggled causing Luz to turn around, a slight blush coating her cheeks. “Not really” They chuckled nervously, “I’ve never actually gone to an arcade before.” 

“Wait- really?” Amity looked at Luz, bewildered. Even back when she’s still under her parents’ grasp, she’d still make a few trips to the arcade with the twins to loosen up a little. Practically every child in this area would experience the arcade at least once with how such a hot spot this place is. 

The tan human nodded stiffly, “Dad says that arcades are ‘dirty’ and ‘unholy’ and that I shouldn’t waste my time here since I would just ruin the arcade’s visitors fun time anyway as people would always find me annoying even if I’m just sitting there minding my own business. He’d always tell me that my presence alone was enough to drive people away from me.” 

Realising what she had just said, Luz quickly looked up to see the teal haired girl who has her mouth agape. “But don’t worry!” Luz quickly tried to reassure their future therapist, “I’m with Eda now and hey! Look at me! I’m here! At the arcade despite all that. So it’s nothing really.” 

“Luz..” Amity started but stopped when she felt Luz placing their hand on her shoulders;

“Please just..” the Latina smiled sadly, “let’s just let bygones be bygones, alright?” 

Every fibre in Amity’s body was yelling at her, telling her to not just leave Luz like that. To hug them, to comfort her. Yet, despite herself, she just nodded- not wanting to make Luz uncomfortable, respecting her boundaries between them as she’s finally managed to get Luz to open up regarding their past even if it’s just a little. She considers this progress. 

Instead, Amity put her hand out, the tokens shining with glory. She smirked looking at Luz who excitedly yanked a few tokens out of her hands and slipped it into the machine. As the machine began playing its soft music indicating the start of the game, she watched as Luz focussed on the game, tongue sticking out with their eyes holding its childlike wonder which amused the Blight. 

Amity flinched, observing Luz who gave her an apologetic look after literally smashing the control button while eyeing the claw machine as it reached down to one of the many plushies it contains before limply pulling back upwards making the Latina to pout at her failure. 

The Blight snickered at the reaction, “awweee don’t be like that, Luz.” She placed a few more tokens into their palms, “you still have more chances to try!”

Luz smiled softly at the girl’s attempt to cheer them up but she shook her head, “Nahh it’s fine. I don’t think I’ll be any better.”

But Amity isn’t going to have any of that;

“What?! No way! You can’t just give up.”

She pondered for a little before straightening up as an idea passed through her;

“Here. Let me help.” 

Before Luz could ask how Amity would help her, she eyed the Blight as she stood behind Luz, wrapping her arms around them, her front pressed against the tan human’s back, trying to reach for the buttons on the machine while holding their hands in her own making the Latina to turn crimson in colour. 

She could hear that Amity was talking to her, commanding them with the control of the machine but her voice felt so far to Luz for all of a sudden Luz was very aware of their surroundings. Luz could feel Amity’s hot breath on her ears, giving her goosebumps and Amity’s soft whispers commanding the game into Luz’s ears caused Luz to involuntarily shiver, feeling chills down her spine. The Blight’s fingers gently guiding her own throughout the game, leaving hot trails after every touch.

The intimacy of the situation they’re in makes Luz gulps hard. Her hands turned clammy in which she hoped that Amity couldn’t feel how clammy it has gotten, her heart hammering wildly in their chest. Luz could literally feel her brain turning into mush. 

Why am I feeling this way? She thought to herself. Does Amity feel it too?

Upon that trail of thought, Luz keeked past their shoulder, softening her gaze as she watched the Blight looking so relaxed, eyes determined with her lips pursed and eyebrows scrunched in concentration. 

Luz felt her breath hitched, Cute . They thought, tan linda.  

I guess Amity doesn’t feel it too. Luz almost immediately dejected. But maybe she just hasn’t realised the position she got me into? Luz felt her heart swell at the possibility, that maybe Amity feels this- whatever this is, too. 

Her eyes widened as she noticed just how close the both of them actually are. Her lips are so close. Luz couldn’t help but to keep flicking her eyes from those enticing golden hues to her teasing lips. If only she could just lean forward then they would- 

“FINALLY!!” 

Amity quickly pulled away from the embrace, Luz immediately missing the warmth. 

While she watched Amity crouched down to claim the prize from the opening flap, Luz gripped their shirt right above their heart, trying to calm herself down from the incident earlier. Forcing her blush down as Amity turned to face her, Luz squawked out; “Go-good… uh- great skills you got there, Blight! Amazing even!” 

Amity arched her eyebrows at that but just shook it off, handing over the little pink cat plushie to Luz, “For you.”

Luz gasped softly, “Amity I… I can’t do that.. you won this yourself so you can keep it.” Besides , she whispered to herself; I was going to win it for you… until I realised I suck at it that is. 

Amity insisted, “Yeah but I want you to have it.” 

Oh how the tables have turned, Luz thought. 

Slowly nodding, they took the plushie gently as if it’s made of glass, appreciating the gesture with tears in her eyes, softly whispering; “Thank you so much, Amity. This means a lot to me.”

The therapist just nodded, feeling accomplished. 

Out of nowhere she felt someone sling their arms around her shoulders, immediately making her uncomfortable. 

She observed as Luz grimaced, showing no interest in the new presence. 

Amity keeked over her shoulders, trying to make out the person who so rudely interrupted her fun with Luz. 

She sees...

Chapter Text

Do or do not, there is no try" 

 — Star Wars Saga.

“When you decide to be something, you can be it” 

— The Departed.

Out of nowhere she felt someone sling their arms around her shoulders, immediately making her uncomfortable. 

She observed as Luz grimaced, showing no interest in the new presence. 

Amity keeked over her shoulders, trying to make out the person who so rudely interrupted her fun with Luz. 

She sees…

Deep dark eyes hidden underneath shaggy brown hair. Tightening his grip on the Blight’s shoulder, a grin plastered on his face. 

“Hey there, Blight~” he purred. 

Luz winced as the therapist rolled her eyes in disgust. 

“Get off me you prick.” 

He chuckled; “Why so feisty, Blight? Scared I’ll take you away from your girl?”

Amity scoffed; “As if I’d follow you.” 

“How would you know that if you haven’t tried?” 

Trying to pry him off; “Trust me. I definitely know.”

Seeing that he won’t budge, Luz felt herself boiling in both anger and disgust. They didn’t know why she felt the need to protect the Blight despite knowing that she can handle herself on her own. But watching the scene playing out doesn’t sit right with them. 

She growled; “Mattholomule.”

Perking up, his expression darkened; “Stay out of this. This doesn’t concern you.”

“She’s my friend. I’m pretty sure it does concern me.”

Ignoring her, Matt turned his attention back to the teal-haired girl;

“Come on, Blight. Don’t make this difficult.”

“Matt, I swear. If you don’t get off me right now!” she snarled. 

He leaned in, his breath against her face and Amity was not pleased with that. 

“Oh, please.” Trying seductively; “You’re a girl. Surely you have fantasies. I’m just trying to make the fantasies real.”

The Blight shuddered in disgust and in the corner of her eyes, she noticed the brunette marching towards them to pry him off but quickly dismissed it as soon as she saw Amity’s pleading eyes for her not to do so.

Getting tired and unsurprisingly irked with the situation, she muttered;

“Welp, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Confused; “Warn me?”

Out of nowhere, Matt felt a sudden jolt of electric pulsing through him causing him to back up and wince at every motion due to the stinging pain. 

Backing him up, the Blight towered him; “LEAVE. NOW.” 

Watching as he pathetically scampered away; Luz gaped at the current smug looking woman. 

“Holy shit!” Luz squealed. 

“You know him?”

“Well yeah, he was my classmate... but that’s not the point! Did you just tazed him?!”

 Amity grinned, wickedly amused at the scene that unfolded earlier;

“Yeah. And so what? He deserved it.The douche has been trying me for years.”

Baffled, they stammered out; “Yeah. Well I’m not saying he didn’t deserve that.. I just… woah..”

Amity giggled. ‘Titan, she’s adorable.’ 

“I mean, I can’t just let him get away with it, you know?”

Nodding along; “Yeah. Yeah. I get what you mean.”

“It’s just like.. with his arms around me, I couldn’t help but feel-”

“Goosebumps?” She cut off.

The Blight snorted; “More like douchebumps.” 

They let out an audible gasp; “Amity Blight! Did you just make a pun?!”

Her eyes widened, cheeks slightly reddening; “Urgh! Forget it!”

“No! No! I can’t forget it! Our precious Mittens just made a pun!”

Covering her blush with her hands, she groaned; “Luz! Don’t call me that in public!”

“No way! Not until you admit that you made a pun!”

“Urghhhhh” Amity quickly scampered away from Luz, trying to down back her blush. 

‘Note to self; look up for some best ways to get rid of annoying siblings.’ If it weren’t for Ed and Em inviting themselves into their call, Luz wouldn’t know about that ridiculous nickname.

“Aaawweee come on!” The brunette ran along with the flustered girl; “Where are you going?!”

“Anywhere but near you!” She squeaked out. 

“I highly doubt it. You can’t even stand being away from me for so long even if it kills you! I’m just that irresistible!”

“Luz!”

Two more days until their first therapy session. 

To say that Amity was a nervous wreck would be an understatement. She could do this. Definitely. Although all the possibilities of what could go wrong kept repeating in her head, Amity tried to shrug it off. For Luz.

Apparently she was too focused on her brooding to notice a certain pink-haired lady making her way in front of her. 

Waving her hands in front of the Blight;

“Hey, Blight!”

“Boscha!” Slightly flinching; “What did I say about knocking?”

“Oh trust me, I did. You just didn’t hear me.”

Amity groaned, resting her head on the desk; 

“I’m sorry… I just-”

“Nervous?” she hummed.

The therapist could only nod glumly.

“Please… it’s just Lilith. You got to relax, Blight! I can literally hear you tapping your pen on your desk from my spot outside.”

“It’s just Lilith.” She mocked. “Sure it’s ‘just Lilith’ but… what if this doesn’t work out? Then what? I just quit hanging out with Luz? I can’t do that!”

“You can’t even stand being away from me for so long even if it kills you! I’m just that irresistible!”

The phrase from their arcade banter kept playing a loop in her head. ‘Guess Luz wasn’t far off,’ she sighed.

Seeing her distress, Boscha tried again;

“Hey… whatever happens we’ll deal with it, alright?”

“Yeah.. you’re right. I’m just overreacting.”

“What? No! Therapists are allowed to hurt too!”

“I know, I know. I just.. I haven’t even call Lilith and I-”

“Call her?”

Confused, her eyebrows raised; 

“Well, yeah. I have to set up a meeting for this, you know?”

“Dude… she’s like.. old.. don’t call her.” She gestured with her arms flailing around.

“Boscha!”

“What!”

“Lilith is not that old. She’s in her forties.” 

“I’m serious. Old people never seem to pick up their phones. It’s like they have no idea how technology works.”

“Ok fine. So, I’ll just send her a Snapchat instead.” The Blight snarked.

She deadpanned; “You’re insufferable”

“Thank you. It’s my special charm.”

One day left until therapy. 

6.43 pm

Glancing at her office clock for what could’ve been the hundredth time, Amity fiddled with her dress once again. She desperately needs this meeting to go smoothly so everything will workout. Especially since remaining friends with Luz is currently at risk. Along with the possibility of being more than friends. She flushed, immediately shaking her head to get the thought off. ‘Not the time’ she noted. 

A knock on the door broke her out of her stupor. 

“Come in.”

The Blight internally cringed at how her voice cracked as she watched the familiar figure take a seat in front of her.

“Ms. Lilith, thank you for coming here on such short notice.”

“Of course, Ms. Blight. Although, if it really was as urgent as you mentioned, you could’ve just called. Only Titan knows how much time would be wasted before I read it.”

“I would but someone told me not to.” She growled underneath her breath.

“I beg your pardon.”

Quickly dismissing it; “Nothing! It’s nothing. I umm… was actually wondering if you could do me a favour?”

“Ahh.. straight to the point I see.”

To which Amity just gives a shy grin as a response. 

“No worries. But, if I may, what favour are you asking of me?” 

Nervously tapping on her desk;

“Well, it’s about my new patient that’s starting tomorrow.”

“Oh? Please remind me of which patient we’re talking about?”

“It’s Luz.” She pointed out; “Luz Noceda.” 

“Oh yes!” A gleam of recognition; “A special request from my dear sister herself. What about her? If you’re still unsure about your capabilities to help her then please, Ms. Blight, don’t fret. I assure you, you’re-”

“No! No… sorry” Trying to get her wordings right; ” It's just.. I’ve been talking with her lately. A lot, actually. And over time.. we’ve grown…close.” 

Amity’s voice slowly gets softer, ending her sentence with a whisper. She could feel her face warming up, probably because of her subtle confession to Lilith. She averted her eyes from the Clawthorne, eyes glued to her coffee. The warm chocolate palette only reminds her of Luz’s hazel eyes that she so deeply adores. ‘Great. I can’t escape her even in the comfort of my own office.’

Unfortunately, her blush did not go unnoticed.

“Oh. Oh...I see.” She hissed; “This is not good.” 

“Urgghhh! I know!” She groaned, slumping down her chair. 

“If that’s the case then I’m sorry, Ms. Blight, but I’m not so sure how I could be of much help.”

“Oh don’t worry.” Ominously; “Trust me. You definitely can help. A huge help at that.”

Slightly hesitating; “I.. don’t think I follow.” 

“What if.. you become her therapist instead of me?” 

“What?!” Baffled; “Ms. Blight. As you recalled, I used to be her therapist but things didn’t work out. That is why you’re handling her.”

“No…Well, yeah. I get what you mean. But.. that’s not what I mean.”

Confused and troubled at once, she stated; “I really don’t see where you’re going with this.” 

“What I meant is, what if you become her therapist but I’m still somewhat her therapist at the same time?” 

“What do you mean? Two therapists at once? I’m not sure if that’s possible.”

“No! No!” Slightly groaning, she tried to get her point across;

“I mean.. you’ll be her therapist but I’ll still be here in the office together with the both of you. Like emotional support. I could be Luz’s emotional support! I mean, let’s face it. As you mentioned, things didn’t end well for you guys because Luz didn’t trust you enough to open up. However, if I’m there as emotional support, not only can I coax her to open up, but I’ll also help ground her. You know, make sure she knows that she’s safe and all that. And- and… a client’s emotional support could be anyone as long as they trust them. Be it a family member, a friend or even a significant other. Think about it! It could work!” 

Eyes burning with determination, her voice filled with the never wavering confidence she held. She needs to get the point across to Lilith for this to play out well. Deep down, she knew it could work if given the chance. Luz would surely understand the given circumstances so it wouldn’t be a problem. Lilith was the one needing convincing.

“Well..” she hummed. “It could work and we could definitely do that.”

“Yes!” She cheered triumphantly. 

“Only” she stressed; “If you get permission from Luz herself.”

“Don’t worry. I could do that.”

“Alright. Now that’s settled, do you need anything else?”

“Nothing more, Ms. Clawthorne.” A wide grin on her face; “I’ll just inform Boscha to direct Luz to your office tomorrow” 

“Very well then. I’ll be taking my leave now.”

Turning back from the door frame, she called out;

“And Amity?”

Softly, she inquired; “Yeah?”

A knowing grin plastered on her face;

“Goodluck on your relationship with Luz.”

The Blight felt her heart soar; 

“Will do, Ms. Clawthorne”

Therapy is tomorrow.

Amity has already made plans with the brunette to meet up a few hours before the therapy session. It’s simple really. They’ll meet up at the local park. Amity would approach her and she’ll just tell Luz about the change of plans. Nothing complicated. But she can only hope that her person would understand the given circumstances. 

Her person. She smiled softly to herself. Oh she could only dream of it.

RIIINNNGGGGGG!!!

Jumping from her spot on the couch, she dashed to her phone that was lying on the coffee table adjacent to the couch she’s lying in. Her heart beating wildly thinking that it was Luz reaching out to her for their routined calls. However, her heart dropped when she saw the unknown number being displayed.

Now, one would usually ignore an unknown number or even block them. (Like me) But as a therapist, Amity knows better than to ignore it. Better be scammed through a phone call than to find out that she failed to help her patient when in need. Masking her disappointment, she quickly answered the phone. 

“Hello? This is Dr. Amity Blight from the Mind Coven Faculty. How can I help you?” 

(I can’t think of a better name for the clinic. I'm so sorry.)

“Amity, dear. It’s been so long since we’ve last heard of you.”

Amity felt her breath hitch. She tensed; ‘Oh no. Not now.’ 

“Odalia.” She spitted out. “What do you want? This better be important given that you’re no longer related to me, must I remind you?”

“Ah! Are we really still on that, dearie?”

Getting impatient, she growled; “Get to the point. I’m busy.”

“Oh, yes. I’ve heard of your little clinic. You’ve made quite a name for yourself. Such a shame it could no longer be shared with your family.”

“What do you want?!”

“Is that really how you should be talking to your mother?” 

“You’re not my mother. Honestly I’m surprised I haven’t ended the call already.” 

“Right, of course. Actually, me and your ‘not-father’ were wondering if you could come over. We have a little something we would like to discuss with you.”

“Why should I? There is absolutely nothing left to discuss. I am not coming back. So are the twins.”

“Oh! No! No. Of course not. You all have already made that very clear before you left. This is about something else.”

“Something… else?”

“Yes. A little information that we just received a while ago. A very…interesting one if I must say so myself. Besides, don’t you want a little closure between us, dearie. All three of you just abruptly left after all.”

A little closure would be really helpful. She knows how much a closure would help her move on from her past. Plus, Amity would be lying if she were to say that she wasn’t curious about this little information. 

Finally conceding, she sighed; “Fine. I’ll be on my way.”

Therapy is here. 

Luz couldn’t believe it. It’s finally here. To say that she was nervous is an understatement. Sure, there are parts of her that’s excited as well. Luz just couldn’t shake off the ‘what if’s’ when this session turns out horribly. But, it should be fine. It’s only Amity, and Amity is… nice. Probably one of the nicest people they’ve ever met. 

Of course it’s only Amity. The Amity that she keeps feeling warm around. The Amity that she keeps feeling weird whenever she comes close to her. The Amity that makes their stomach churn whenever she smiles or even by listening to that beautiful laugh. The little details they’ve noticed about the therapist. How she would always be gentle with Luz, making sure that Luz is always comfortable no matter what they’re doing. The Amity that makes Luz feel things she'd never felt before. 

This is all so new to Luz. Things have been going too fast lately that she hasn't had the time to properly indulge in this feeling- whatever this may be. Because as warm and safe this feeling makes Luz feel, it’s still overwhelming and confusing for her. So much that they wish they could stop feeling… this. 

“Hey, kiddo.” 

Luz sat up from her bed, coming eye to eye with the maternal figure;

“What’s up, Eda?”

“Well, I just wanted to see how you’re holding up. I know you’re not really excited for therapy and-”

“Who said about me not getting excited?”

“Oh?” A sly grin on her face; “Let me guess, is it because it’s with a certain someone?”

Baffled, she stuttered; “I- E-eda… what are you-”

“A certain teal-haired lady perhaps?” 

“Eda st- stop it-”

Arching her eyebrows, the grin ever leaving;

“Stop what, Luz?”

“Don’t even try me, you granny.” She spoke through gritted teeth.

“WHAT?!” The grin finally left her face.

Bursting out laughing, Luz ran down the stairs to avoid the upcoming wrath she just brought onto herself. At least she managed to avoid that dreaded conversation. They can’t really answer something they themselves don’t understand. 

Running into the kitchen, hoping to hide under the dining table or perhaps even in the cupboards for cover. Unfortunately, while trying to find a place to hide- being the clumsy person she is, they accidentally knocked down a few chairs.

A shout from across the hallway;

 “Luz! Titan, help me if I see you messing up the kitchen as revenge.”

Slightly snickering, Luz wiggled herself into one of the cupboards. 

“Sad to see you slowing down, granny! Tell me, is old age finally catching up to you?” 

An annoyed shout along with rapid footsteps caused her to double her efforts. 

Before Luz could close the cupboard, a slight whimper caught their attention. Curious, they climbed out of their hiding spot, scooting closer to the sound. 

A hand caught her scruff; “Aha! Got you!”

“Eda, wait! I think something is wrong with King.”

“Why would you say that? Is this some kind of tactic to get away with what you just did?”

Quickly dismissing it; “No! Eda, I swear he sounds hurt. I need to go check my boo-boo buddy! This can wait.”

“I can never get over the fact that you established a literal club with a dog.”

“Eda! He needs me now!”

The Clawthorne sighed; “Alright, let’s go check him out.”

As the both of them made their way to King, the whimpering kept getting louder with each step they took. Their hearts clenched with worry. 

King was found laying next to his feeding dish, looking completely worn out. Little whimpers escaping him from time to time. 

A gasp escaped Luz’s lips; “Dios! Mi reycito!” 

Quickly scooping him into her arms, Luz realised how dangly his limbs had become, too weak to even try resisting her grasp as he always did. 

Looking up to her step-mom; “Eda… what do we do?”

Eda was stunned. King was fine this morning. She would’ve known, she walked him this morning. To see him behaving like this is a complete 360. 

Luz choked back a sob, tears dripping down their cheeks; “Eda!”

“I…umm… we need to get him to the vet.. stat!” 

As Eda secured King into the car, she noticed Luz trying to get in as well.

“Woah, woah woah! You’re not coming with.”

“Why?! He’s my dog, Eda!”

“You have therapy today kid-”

“Therapy can wait! He’s hurt!”

Eda grabbed onto Luz’s shoulders;

“Look, kid. As much as this hurts me, it’s my.. gosh I hate this so much...responsibility…” she shuddered at the word, “to make sure you’re getting the help you need.”

Luz couldn’t believe this. King is hurt! She needs to be there for him. Surely the therapy can wait. Amity would understand. She knows how much King meant to her. King is their emotional support dog. But he’s more than that. When Luz gets their panic attacks, King would be there, nuzzling her or licking her face to let her know that she’s not alone. Whenever she relapsed, King would stay close. When she’s in need of her meds, King comes to the rescue. It’s always King. Life would be so different for Luz if there’s no King in it. Luz needs him. King was always there for Luz but Luz couldn’t be there for him when he needs Luz the most. Luz couldn’t help but feel.. selfish.

Seeing their hesitance, Eda tried convincing them;

“I promise you. King will be fine in a jiffy, alright?”

Glumly, they nodded. Luz didn’t have a say in this and she knows it. The moment Eda puts something in mind, she’s not backing down. 

“And don’t forget, kiddo. You got a meeting with little Blight in 15 minutes. I’d be going now if I were you. Don’t want to keep her waiting.”

“Ok..”

Silently watching as Eda’s car left the driveway, Luz began walking towards the park. They could only hope that meeting Amity could keep her mind off things. Amity always seems to have that effect on them. Making them feel motivated to change for the better. To escape from the darkness of her mind. To get better mentally. 

She slumped her shoulders, dragging her feet against the sidewalk;

‘Please get better, King’

So obviously Luz got it wrong. 

Sitting on the swings, Luz had waited for about half an hour for the Blight to arrive as promised.

Luz thought that Amity could make them feel better. Luz thought that Amity could offer advice to guide her on what to do. Luz thought that Amity would always be there for Luz. 

So, where is Amity now? 

Has Amity given up on Luz? Maybe she finally realised how much work Luz really is. Amity finally realised that in the end, it’s not worth it trying to help Luz. They couldn’t help but wonder if it’s their fault.

‼️Self Harm‼️ 

‘Are you kidding me? Of course it’s your fault!’ 

Luz tensed. No. No.. this can’t be happening right now. 

Luz’s vision blurred, and her breathing turned ragged. They tried to take slower breaths, to calm down, to regain control. But Luz’s mind wasn’t being cooperative. She began making gasping noises, taking shuddering breaths as the tears kept pouring out. And finally, she gave up. They surrendered to the episode they know they’re about to have.

‘Amity realised that you’re just a lost cause.’

‘No! No! She.. she wouldn’t.’

‘You rely on her too much’

‘She’s a therapist! She’s used to it!’

‘So you do it because it’s her job to make you feel better?’

‘Please… stop’ 

Luz gripped a fistful of her hair, aggressively pulling on it. Hot tears pouring down their cheeks. A pit forming in their stomach, their heart- feeling like a weight is pulling down on it. 

‘You know Amity doesn’t really have to be there if she doesn’t want to right?’

‘….’ 

‘So stop being so SELFISH!’ 

‘I..I.. but.. she’s.. Amity she’s.. she’s still my friend.’

‘Hah! Just because she’s your friend, doesn't mean she owes you anything!’

Luz couldn’t take it anymore. She began pulling more and more of her hair. Desperate to get the voices to stop.

“Shut up! Shut up! Just! Shut! Up!”

Luz isn’t even trying to keep her voice in anymore. And if Luz gets weird looks from bystanders, it was left unnoticed by her. 

‘It isn’t compulsory for a friend to really be a friend!’

“Tha- that’s not true! Willow is my friend! She’s.. she’s there for me!”

‘And now? Where is she? Boscha? Amity? HAH! None of them are here!’

‘Didn’t you see how disappointed Willow looked when you regressed last time?’

‘You couldn’t even take in the idea of a little therapy! How weak!’

‘You should be ashamed Luz. All you do is take advantage of people.’

“Shut up!! I do not!!” 

More and more hair started falling off. It hurts. It really did, but Luz couldn’t even register the pain from her head when the pain those voices caused overpowers it.

‘Really?! You took advantage of Amity just because it’s her job as your therapist to make you feel better!’

‘You dumped everything onto her! You overshared! That’s why she left! You’re too much!’

Luz thought that she did everything right this time. She thought that she’d done everything she could to make Amity stay. She gave away her kindness to Amity. Luz tried opening up to her because that’ll make Amity feel accomplished. Luz has been willing to do anything and everything they could to ensure that Amity wouldn’t leave. But she still did anyway. 

“You’re right… I’m too much..” Luz whispered. 

‼️End of Self Harm ‼️

Upon that confession, the voices stop. Sometimes the only way to understand the truth is to make yourself vulnerable to it, no matter how painful it is to make the voices stop. 

“Maybe Amity is already waiting for me in her office. And she just realised that what she wanted to tell me here wasn’t important anyways… but she would at least tell me that beforehand… right?” 

Luz really didn’t want to think about it right now. They felt like disappearing. To just go back home and curl up into a ball. But if they did that, they would’ve disappointed Eda. And Luz felt like she’d disappointed plenty of people that day. Luz didn’t need to give Eda a reason to leave her too. 

She sighed, “Well... time to go to therapy.”

“Urghhh! I can’t believe it!” 

She slammed the car door close, slumping down the seat, resting her head against the headrest. 

“I can’t believe I literally just wasted me fking time coming here!”

Of course, what did Amity expect anyways. They’ve always been that way. Trying to get any ounce of control of her life. The both of them had found out about her relationship with Luz. And it wasn’t even a romantic one at that! But the both of them kept trying to convince her to get together with one of their suitors. Honestly, Amity doesn’t even understand why they couldn’t just drop it. They’re no longer legally related! It could be considered to be a crime for doing this. She thought back to the conversation she just had with Odalia and Alador. The way she stood up against them when they began degrading Luz. 

‼️Homophobic slurs‼️ 

“I don’t care what people say! I don’t give a shit if I’m labelled as a sin. I don’t care if you can’t accept me for what I feel. Luz is an amazing person! They make me feel so good, a feeling that no man could ever give. I’m not wrong for wanting her and instead of one of your suitors.”

Odalia scoffed; “Listen to yourself, Amity. People like her have been infecting you! We can help you heal. Help you be normal. This… all of this.. loving someone this way. It’s wrong!”

“My love for Luz is pure. And a love this pure could never be wrong! I find comfort simply through how gentle their voice is. From the way their eyes light up and how she smiles when she feels wanted. Heck she makes me so much happier just by existing! I know that Luz is the one for me.”

“That girl is a mess! I heard that she was sent to a correctional camp! She’s nothing but trouble! Besides, how are you sure that she really likes you?”

‘how are you sure that she really likes you?’ Now that- hit Amity hard. 

“First off, Luz is not a girl. Don’t you dare misgender Luz!  Second, I don’t care if she doesn’t like me back. What’s important is that I do. And she’s not ‘a mess’. Sure she has her fair share of problems, something that no one as sweet as Luz should ever go through. But she’s such an angel. Luz is tougher than she looks and she’s worth everything. It’s scary that I could actually feel this much for Luz, but none of that matters. As I said, I don’t care what people say. I don’t care if people stare. Let them stare! All they’ll ever see is how much I love Luz. Because Luz is all I care about. Not them. And especially not you.” 

‼️End of Homophobic Slurs‼️

Amity admits, she felt so good doing that. This was the second time she’d ever stood up against Odalia and Alador after all. The first being before she left. She kinda misses this feeling. 

Trying to distract herself, she began checking her phone for notifications. She noticed Lilith’s message that was sent two hours ago. Opening the message, she began reading its context; 

“Hello, dear. I’m sure you’re curious about how the therapy went since you were unable to join in today’s session due to unknown reasons. I do wish you’d given me a heads up next time. Don’t fret, this tardiness of yours is excuse because I know that you wouldn’t do this unless really need to-”

Oh shit- reading Lilith’s message, Amity finally noticed that she had just missed her first therapy session with Luz. She completely lost track of time. Resuming her perusal;

“However, I’m not sure if this is good news or bad news but, you did not miss much.-”

Good news or bad news? Did not miss much? What’s Lilith talking about? If she’s talking about how she didn’t manage to reveal much during the therapy then Amity completely understands. The first session is always about ice-breaking. Getting to know the patients; asking their names, hobbies, general troubles and such. 

“Unfortunately, Mx. Noceda was not present to the session. I’ve tried to reach her guardian but Edalyn was unreachable. I thought I should let you know. Whatever you’re doing now, I hope you’re having better luck with it unlike me. Warm regards.”

Amity's heart dropped. She felt as if time had frozen. Luz didn’t show up?! Why… how… Amity was speechless. No way.. did Luz think Amity had given up on her by not showing up? Amity felt bad. Luz had gone through enough and Amity doing this didn’t help. She would love to blame her parents for this but that wouldn’t be fair. Amity made the choice to meet Odalia and Alador. She could’ve just denied the meeting but she didn’t. She was just so stubborn about getting closure. Luz doesn’t deserve this. Amity needs to make things right. 

 Dialling Boscha’s number, she prayed that the pink haired lady would pick up. 

 A voice from the speaker;

“Yalluuu~!”

“Boscha, where are you now?”

“Not even a hello? That’s mean, Amity.”

“Boscha! This is an emergency! Luz didn’t show up for the session.”

“Luz didn’t come?!”

“What?!” Another shout from the other side of the speaker called out. 

“What do you mean she didn’t show?”

“Willow?”

“Yes, Amity, it's me.” Genuine concern laced in her voice; “ Now tell me what happened.”

And Amity did. She went through her meeting with Lilith and about the original plan regarding meeting Luz at the park to inform them of the change of schedule. Apparently Boscha didn’t realise that Luz didn’t show up because she assumed that Lilith’s secretary had shown Luz the way since that was how she was informed earlier that morning. 

“Ok,ok. Let’s take a few steps back here.” Boscha’s voice cut her off. “How did your parents even find out anyways?”

Groaning, Amity pinched her temples;

“Apparently one of their workers saw us hanging out at the arcade and took some pictures as proof. He thought he could get a pay raise from my paren- I mean.. Odalia and Alador that way.”

“Now that’s stupid.” Boscha noted. 

“I know!”

“Who was it anyways?” Willow inquired. 

“I never bothered with his name but he was in a fancy suit and had blonde hair along with blue eyes. And he has such an attitude, like I would even dare to call him a Chad.”

“Wait-” Willow called out. “Does he have like some kind of weird triangle symbol as a badge that he pins onto his collar?”

“… yeah?”

“And his name tag.. it says Belos?”

Trying her best to replay her memory;

“… I think so… I didn’t really pay attention to him.”

“I think I know him.” Willow sighed.

“Wait, really babe?” Boscha asked. 

“Yeah. If I’m not mistaken he’s the same guy that tried getting Luz fired at the restaurant a few weeks back. You know… the one that dumped the dish onto Luz.”

“Wait, that was him?!”

“The more reason to hate him,” Amity muttered. 

“More like the more reason to beat him up.”

“Willow, I love you and all but you can be scary.” 

“As you should Bitcha.”

“Hey!”

“Guys!” Amity called out.

“Sorry.” Boscha whispered.

“Yeah.. sorry, Amity. As much as we want to help, we can’t.”

Confused, “What do you mean? Where even are you guys?”

“Oh! We’re on a date!” Boscha exclaimed. “And even if we were to turn back now, we’d probably reach tomorrow morning since we’re out of town and it’s getting pretty late.”

“Alright.. enjoy your date..”

“Enjoy it? No way! We’re turning back now. We can’t go on a date when our best friend just disappeared. Luz could be in trouble!” 

“I agree with Willow. There’s no way we can even enjoy it if we do resume our date.”

“You guys really care a lot about Luz.”

“Of course we do.” Willow’s tone softened;

“Take care of Luz for us, alright? We’ll be there first thing in the morning if we can.” 

“Sure.. goodbye.”

Keeping her phone back into her purse, Amity began her journey back. 

‘Hang on, I’m coming. Wait for me, Luz.’

Earphones plugged in, head hanging low. Luz dragged her feet across the pavement. They knew that they should’ve gone to therapy but Luz just didn’t have the energy for it. Besides, Amity probably didn’t want to see Luz anyways. In her palms, a purple otter plushie laid. Luz fiddled with Luzura. Luzura would always bring Luz comfort but there are also times where Luz felt bereft by Luzura’s presence.

Including times like this. Times where Luz just felt dead to the world. The passing malaise she felt was just because it reminded her of every moment on that bridge. Luz would always go to that bridge whenever they felt the need to escape the world. Luz was just back from it actually. Visiting an old friend always helps. 

Can Luz even consider Otty her friend? Sounds pathetic ain’t it? Being friends with an otter. 

People would always come to the conclusion that the reason Luzura is her comfort item is because it’s an otter- her favourite animal. But they didn’t understand why otters are Luz’s favourite. 

The thing is. Every single time Luz went to the bridge, either to try to commit or even just to take a breather, Otty- an otter that had made the bridge a home; would always show up and stick by Luz’s side. When Luz was having a particularly rough day, Otty would rub herself against Luz’s thigh to make Luz feel better. And every single time she tried to commit, Otty would cling onto her legs as if to say; ‘please don’t’.

And that has motivated Luz a whole lot. Luzura is simply a mere replacement of Otty’s comforting presence. Otty has always been Luz’s main comfort. The bridge- although a spot where they’ve tried to commit; is sacred to Luz. For it’s a spot where she and Otty shared. And this has been going for so long, as long as she could remember. Way back before Luz had met Willow. 

The first time being when Luz was chased down by some bullies, lying weak against the pillars of the bridge; injured and hurt both physically and mentally. That was when Otty showed up, nuzzling herself onto Luz’s cheeks. 

Otty is a friend, Luz concluded. People left. Everyone does. But Otty stayed. 

Luz looked up and realised that they’ve reached their house. Softly sighing, she turned the doorknob and entered the house. 

“I’m home!” 

Luz didn’t expect a response. Of course they did not. Eda was out- taking King to the vet and the vet was all the way across town. Luz knew that she shouldn’t get a response.

But she did.

“Welcome home, mija.”

Chapter Text

"I always thought that there's something wrong with me... that maybe I'm not good enough for living"

-Soul, Pixar

"You can't eat dreams for breakfast"

                                   "Then I won't eat"

-Soul, Pixar 

————————

‼️Trigger warning‼️

Strong languages, asshole that doesn't deserve to be called family, abuse, homophobic slurs, lots of yelling, Google translated Spanish

"Welcome home, mija."

Luz froze in her tracks. She gaped at the lean, auburn haired man. The man Luz used to call father. 

Luz felt their breath hitch; "Dad?"

He smiled. That damn sadistic smile; "Hola, Luz."

Luz's heart clenched. They felt like they couldn't breathe. After all this time... Luz thought that by leaving that cursed house then they'll get to escape her past. Escape her family. And truly what a family Luz had. Even from a distance, everyone can see that this family is due for doom. Luz did their best to leave their old self behind. Let bygones be bygones; they said. Turns out.. no matter how fast you run, you just can't outrun your family. 

Luz felt her eyes burn, gritting her teeth, voice full of venom;

"Why are you here?"

He took a step closer, Luz immediately flinching back upon notice. 

Luz began shaking, although she wasn't sure if it was due to disbelief or fear.

Choking back a sob, tears already pouring out; "Why are you here?"

"Because... we have a lot to talk about. But, to top it all.." 

He walked towards Luz, the brunette immediately stepping back until they were backed up against the wall. Luz could feel her heart drumming against her chest, threatening to escape.

"I'm here because there's one thing that matters to me.." He cupped her cheeks, Luz's eyes clenched shut, mouth quivering; "you.."

"You're.. you are my little Light.." he grabbed her cheeks possessively, tugging Luz forward, emitting a weak whimper from Luz; "and I have loved you since the moment I laid my eyes on you and that is never going to change.. okay?"

Slightly wincing from the pressure on her cheeks, Luz grumbled out; "No." 

Taken aback, his hold on her cheeks slightly loosening;

"What?"

"I said NO!" 

Swatting his hands away; "You don't get to do this to me! You don't get to just.. show up and think everything will be fine! Nope! Nu-uh!" 

*slap*

Luz caressed her left cheek. An angry red present. Luz breath turned ragged- there's no stopping the tears now. At that moment Luz seemed to remind themselves who they're dealing with; her father. A man who brings nothing but destruction, who feels joy upon inflicting pain to others. Luz used to wonder if he's just immoral or amoral. But, a sadist fits him perfectly in Luz's opinion. 

"Luz," he growled out.

Luz flinched, her voice not even above a whisper; "What do you want from me?"

"All those years, you wanted to get rid of me. You wanted me gone. You wanted me dead." She sniffled; " I haven't bothered you for years now. Why now?" Luz's voice cracking slightly, slowly getting softer towards the end. 

"You're happy."

"And?"

He sighed; "It's not with me or because of me either." 

Luz scoffed; "That's not my fault."

"I'm your father Luz." He glared at her; "'I'm the one who should be making you happy. Not all these families wannabe you're living with."

"They're a better family than you'll ever be."

He snarled; "I'm your dad, Luz.. I love you."

Luz snorted; "You don't love me."

"Don't you dare say that."

"Why? You don't even know me!"

"Yes! Yes, I do!"

"How can you?! I don't even know myself!"

"That's true.. you're just confused," he sneered.

Tilting her head; "What? What do you mean?"

"Honestly I thought you'll be over that little phase of yours. But no! You're standing in front of me with a made up gender and still confused about your preference!"

"Dear god!" Luz threw her hand in exasperation; "Are we still on this?!"

"First you show up unannounced then you're suddenly pointing out things that I don't already know and I-"

"Luz."

"And when I saw you just now I thought.. I really thought that maybe just maybe you've changed-"

"Luz Noceda!"

"I always hoped that maybe you would try to make amends. To be better. To get better. To be a better father!" 

"Luz Estrella Noceda! Listen! To! Me!" He growled. 

Luz snapped; "No! You listen! It's your turn to listen! I've been holding back for years now and I'm not going to right now," she gritted her teeth; "So let me ask this again. What are you doing here? Because I'm sure as hell that this isn't some sort of happy family reunion."

He deadpanned; "I'm just here to claim my promise."

Confused, Luz's eyebrows arched; "Promise?"

"Don't you remember? The moment you walked out the door, what did I promise you?" 

Luz scoffed; "Why should I even bother? That's years ago. I can't even remember it anymore."

A lie. Luz knew. Those words kept taunting them for years now. Never leaving Luz's mind. Played again and again in a constant loop. Proving Luz that even if he's not there, Luz would always be under their father's influence.

"LIAR!" 

He grabbed a fistful of Luz's hair, jerking Luz's head back;

"Te prometí que seguirás viviendo como presa, mi Luzita- you remember it. I'm sure of it. How?" He chuckled; "Cuz I know you."

Luz yelped when they felt their father's grip tightened, Luz's hair threatening to rip off from their scalp causing a burning sensation to spread all over their head.

"I just want you to come back to me, mi Luzita." He pleaded. 

Luz panted out; "I'm not leaving."

He growled out; "Excuse me?"

"I said," Luz spat on his face causing him to turn away in disgust; "I'm. Not. Leaving."

Wrong move, Luz realised.

He kicked Luz in the abdomen before tossing Luz to crumple down. Luz clutched the injured area, whimpering in pain. 

"Stop acting foolish! You're not a child!" Another kick, another painful yelp from the brunette. 

He pinned Luz down, a tight grip on their throat.

Luz began trashing under him, desperate for air;

"Of course," she gasped out; "I never was a child. Never had been."

That only seemed to trigger him more as he began tugging on Luz's hair. 

He snarled; "You're 20 for Titan's sake. And you're just getting further and further in life!"

He dragged Luz to the kitchen by the hair, 

"I'm just SO frustrated that I can't seem to help you!"

He pushed Luz against the kitchen counter, Luz wincing in pain as they felt the sharp edges pushing against her back;

"I used to be able to help you. Back when you were still with me! These people.. you think they're trying to help you?" He chuckled darkly; "THEY'RE JUST USING YOU! They're trying to hold you back from achieving greater things."

He punched Luz across the face. Staggering slightly, Luz tried to keep as much distance as possible from her father. She whimpered every single time they moved.Their body aching, screaming for Luz to just drop down and give up. But who was Luz to ever listen? Their father showed up trying to get Luz to come back and Luz isn't going down without a fight.

"You think I didn't know that!" Luz snarled; "I know that they're using me. Using me.. saying that they're trying to 'heal' me... to 'fix' me! Just so they can feel like a hero! As if they've done the impossible! I know! They're just using me to make themselves feel better. I know that!" 

Luz yelped, falling to the floor as she tried to avoid being hit by a mug that her father threw to her. 

"So? Why stay?! Just come back!" He marched towards the shaking brunette.

"They'll just leave you anyways!" He knelt down, cupping Luz's chin gently, ignoring the obvious tremor from her; "But I won't.. not anymore."

"Yo-you think I-I don't know that?" Luz stuttered out, wanting to stand up for themselves but at the same time- scared of the consequences; "I.. I've been trying my best.. I'm doing everything and... and anything that I can... so they'd stay," their voice hoarse from all the crying- cracking albeit slightly; "but I know they won't.."

"Then come back to me.. don't leave me.. after your mom left, you're all I have.."

"All you do is hate me."

"I don't 'hate' you.. I love you."

"You don't." Luz spat out; "You're just mad because mom would rather sleep with someone else and not you."

"Why would you say that!" He growled out.

Punching Luz across their nose, immediately drawing blood. Luz tried to clear their hazy vision. 

"It's not my fault your mother left to be with that bastard!" 

Kicking on Luz's diaphragm, Luz struggled to breathe.. her breathing became more staggered and forced.

"She's broken, Luz! You know this!"

Luz tried to scamper away, pathetically dragging themselves away from their father. He managed to get a hold of her left calf, pulling Luz towards him.

Luz yelled out in fear as they were being dragged, immediately groaning as her father banged her head on the floor.

"Believe it or not, I love you both!" Luz screamed in agony as he pinned her hands above her, twisting the right hand in all the wrong directions; "but you know how this goes..." he sneered; "Papa is a rolling stone..."

Leaning in, he harshly whispered in Luz's ears; 

"But I promise.. I'll stay this time. So just. Come. Back. Home!"

Luz whimpered, struggling to get their words out; 

"Dad..." gasping for air; "You always say you're staying..."

Blood boiling with anger, he carried Luz like a ragdoll, tossing her aside roughly. Luz gave out a pained yelp upon impact with the sink. 

"I can help you live a better life! Create a life story worth listening to!"

"My own father faked his death years ago, left me alone.." Luz huffed, laying weakly against the sink, too tired, too hurt to keep fighting; "He left me alone behind, started a new family and went out of his way to forget me!!" 

Luz growled in frustration; "That is the only story that matters. You tossed me aside without any concerns about what'll happen to me!"

"You.." Luz sniffled; "You were supposed to protect me.. to be a parent." Luz turned away, voice breaking slightly. All the hurt they had to go through all those years with him began mounting up. She swallowed thickly, a bitter smile adorns their lips; "And you called me a failure."

"Even if it's a little bit of fake appreciation.. why... just why can't you just at least pretend that you do care.."

Luz's abuser scoffed; "You're obviously hallucinating." He insisted; "I do care!"

"WHY DON'T YOU CARE!!" Luz choked back a sob, eyes puffy, her hoarse voice breaking as much as Luz's heart already did; "WHY DO YOU NEVER CARED! No matter what happens, you're never  happy for me! No matter what I do I just can't seem to make you proud and that hurts!! IT HURTS, DAD!!"

Once Luz began, they felt like they couldn't stop. Years of pent up emotions began flowing out. All the why's she once questioned herself with began to resurface again; 

"You demanded the impossible! And I'm trying! I really am! I'm trying to do it! I'm trying to change myself! Trying to be everything you want me to be! For you!!"

Luz hiccuped, broken sobs escaping her busted lips;

"I did all I could... I wore a dress... Heck I forgot my fantasies,too.. I even aced all my tests.. but I'm still not enough... I'm a disappointment.."

Luz saw that he wanted to interfere but Luz wouldn't let him, leaving him to watch Luz expose their vulnerable soul upon him;

"You said that dad.." 

He shook his head.

"YES! YOU! DID!" Luz insisted. "After everything that you've done... I craved your validation... all I ever wanted was just to please you... 

Luz glared at him; "But all you do is hurt me..."

"Why... dad?" Luz stepped closer to him, trembling with tears; "Why.."

"Is it because I'm not enough?"

A step closer.

"Because I'm not pretty enough?"

Another step.

"Not normal enough?"

And another step.

"Not the perfect daughter you wanted?"

And another.

"Tell me, dad... why?" 

He gaped at the bruised, trembling, crying brunette, and Luz cherished the way their father looked so shocked upon seeing this side of Luz. A braver Luz.

And gosh.. if Luz could.. she really wished she could unhear her father's response;

"You want this life, you'll have to pay the price."

Such a simple answer. And he said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Luz whimpered. Luz felt weak. So helpless. They hated feeling this way. Of course, this was their father they're talking to, what else should they expect? 'Pathetic'

"I just wanted a father... who didn't know if it's going to be alright... but stood by me anyways..."

"I stood by you. I really did."

"No, dad! You didn't!"

"Yes! I! Did!"

"All you had to do was stay!"

"Stay? Stay?! You want me to stay?!!"

"You kept leaving! And you suddenly reappeared! Titan, couldn't you just STAY DEAD?!! Stay dead or stay with me! Just choose!!"

 "STAY?!! I DID STAY!"

"And yet I've lost count on how many times you've left!"

"I STAYED! I FUCKING STOOD BY YOU!"

"OH! So it's my fault then?! You still didn't care for me so-"

He banged his fist on the kitchen counter, tableware cluttering violently, immediately shutting Luz up in the process. Luz flinched, heart hammering- just waiting for the blow.

"I STAYED! I WANTED TO STAY! BUT I CAN'T!! I just can't! I... I-I.. I just.. I can't... I can't do this anymore."

Luz breath hitched. Never in a million years would Luz expect themselves to be able to watch this scene. Her father, crying. His shoulder jerked once in a while, shaky gasps emitting from him. 'He looks so vulnerable. A misunderstood man.' 

"I.. I just.. I don't get it.." He sniffled, looking up to those muted brown, those bloodshot eyes belonging to the brunette he once called a daughter;

"Help me understand, Luz... why?... I just... why?"

Luz tried blinking back the newly fresh tears threatening to escape;

"Why.. what? Dad.. what are you-"

"Why do you even want me?" 

Luz gasped. Staring wide eyed at the crying man.

"Why do you want me in your life, Luz?"

"Because.." Luz reasoned; "You're my father."

He scoffed; "That's not good enough for a reason."

"Of course it is.. I just want you-"

"WHY?!! WHY DO YOU WANT ME?!! I WAS SUCH A JERK!!"

"AND YOU STILL ARE!" Luz snapped. "But... I just.. I want.. a parent.. to be held by a parent.. to be loved by one.." 

He sighed. "Then.. come back.. I'll do it. I can be the parent you want, Luz. I love you, Luz."

Hearing that... those words.. the words she yearned to hear from him.. Luz almost agreed to. Almost . That is, until she realised something. That this was his plan all along. Emotional manipulation, Luz noted. Luz's father's little charm. 

Oh.. 'I thought he changed.' 

Taking in a shaky breath, disappointment feeling Luz to the brim;

"Leave."

Confused, "What?"

"You heard me."

'Perhaps I don't."

Luz growled; "I. SAID. LEAVE!!"

He groaned. "Why are you so stubborn! I'm your father! And you must listen TO ME ! And I say you're coming with me!!"

"You're not the only one who fucking gets a say in this!! I DO TOO!!"

"Watch your language around me you ungrateful brat!"

"Who cares!"

"Respect is earned and someone like you will get nowhere in life if you can't even respect your own father!!"

"IT'S MY LIFE!"

"AND YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER! My responsibility! I just don't want you to have a hard life!!"

"It's already hard..." Luz scoffed.

"And I can help ease your burdens if you just come back!"

"DEAR GOD!" Luz exasperated; "I SAID NO!!"

"You want to help make my life easier?" Luz staggered towards the door, trying her best to drag their injured body; "You can make it so much easier if you'd just... leave."

Luz watched as a scowl appeared on his face.

"Fine! But don't come back to me when you realise you're just a wimp deep inside!"

"Don't mind if I do!!"

"Good!"

Before he left, he turned slightly from the door;

"And Luz..." a sly grin pulled on his lips; "Better check up on that mutt of yours."

Luz jumped slightly as the door was slammed shut. Silent tears began overflowing. Luz hiccuped. And hiccupped again. And again. And again. Until they were completely breaking down, no longer choking back tears. Gasping a shaky breath every once in a while. Slowly sliding down, head leaning against the wooden door. Her heart was breaking more and more with every shoulder jerk she took. 

Luz felt trapped. They felt as if the walls were caving in. Struggling to breathe- not only from her injury but because they were starting to get more overwhelmed by each second.

When all feels too much, Luz stood up from the ground, immediately flinging the door open. They needed an escape. A way out. Currently with one place in mind. The bridge.

———————-

Luz walked towards the bridge. A determined will within them. Luz knew what she wanted to do. Luz knew that it was wrong. But did Luz care?... No... Luz did not.. no one cared.. so why should Luz?

The sure footed brunette plugged in their earphones, trying to silence their thoughts. Pressing on the shuffle button, Luz let their playlist play;

(https://youtu.be/gY1gnPpv3Zk)

"͜͡  Suicide, baby, it's the worst

Think about the people that you'll hurt

They won't even care about the things I'll choose to do

Because all I am is all that I've been through "͜͡  

The song didn't help with Luz's condition. Only adding fuel to the fire. Tears streaming even more than before. To a simple breakdown to a full blown meltdown. Luz couldn't keep this up. She knew if she kept going then she'd disappoint many people. Especially Willow. 

"Let me teach you how to live."

Luz flinched slightly. Those words struck Luz at the moment. Immediately changing the song to the next one.

(https://youtu.be/Mi14RWH8ye8)

"͜͡   I've been driving around here in this town

Know it like the back of my hand

I've been dreaming of ways, ways to get out "͜͡

Luz has lived in this neighbourhood as long as they could remember. Every memory of Luz growing up was nurtured here. Both the good and the bad. And as much as Luz loved this neighbourhood, Luz wished they could move out, to start anew- away from the bad memories planted here. 

"͜͡  Put myself in a box that I'd never be

Someone I'm proud of you see

Here I am on this bridge facing defeat "͜͡ 

Upon reaching the bridge, the bridge that held so much memory. Luz's safe haven. Luz shivered, completely forgot that she'd left her flannel back at home. Nasty purple and blue bruises scatter Luz's body. Luz was trembling, she knew that much. Mouth quivering, whimpers and broken sobs escaping her, shoulder jerking once in a while, snot and tears stained Luz's face. Luz slowly settled herself down on the ground. Leaning their head against the railing, hands clutching it tightly. Sobs still wrecking the frail body. 

"͜͡  I'm just doing the best I can

I'm just living in the life I have

I'm confused but I'm fine with that "͜͡

For years on end, Luz had to act like somebody they're not. A people pleaser. Luz was so focused on making others happy they didn't really notice what's been going on with herself. And with each passing day, Luz fell into a constant routine. Wake up, wear a mask, please people, sleep and repeat. Sometimes Luz would even wonder who they really are. What would come to mind when someone mentions the name Luz? For example; Eda. When someone says 'Eda', a foxy confident lady comes to mind. But Luz? 

.... Nothing...

'I'm just a me without a who' Luz thought sadly. And oddly enough, Luz is okay with that. Perhaps after years of being a nobody... to be somebody seems... wrong.

"͜͡  The beauty will outweigh the pain

From the chill of the autumn wind

And the laugh of your sister's kid

To the first snow when it sets in "͜͡

A little chirrup alerted Luz of another's presence, Otty. 

Even through the tears, Luz managed a little smile. Gently petting Otty's furry body erupting a loud purr. The purr from Otty was comforting to Luz, immediately giving in to the regression that she's been holding back for the last few minutes. 

Luz giggled as the playful otter nuzzled her thighs. "Otty!" Luz cheered. Luz fished Luzura out from their pockets, nuzzling the plushie back to Otty as the otter squealed in delight emitting a snort for the brunette. Otty went into a launching stance and pounced on Luzura and began to wrestle the purple plushie and immediately perked up, Otty chuckled as the otter watched the human laugh in delight while clapping her hands upon watching the little 'show'. 

"͜͡  The beauty will outweigh the pain

We'll all find a purpose one day

There's so many reasons to stay "͜͡

After a while, the laughter died down from Luz's throat. She sighed and began to reach out to Otty once again. The otter immediately closed its eyes, ready to be bathed with affection from the human, but slowly opened its eyes once again when the affection didn't come. Luz stared down to her hand; nasty bruises scattering across the right hand, the arm looking dislocated and slowly losing its colour.

'Right...' Luz thought. 'Dad showed up.'

Luz sniffled, memories from the past hour flooding in. The waterworks began working again as Luz was reminded on why they're here in the first place. Luz took in a shaky breath and began climbing onto the railing. 

As Luz tried balancing herself on the railing, she took a deep breath, closing her eyes- trying to take in all that she could before her final breath.

'You're just bothering them by being here'

Another breath in

'They're just using you to make themselves feel better'

And another breath

'They're just pitying you; a charity work 

A bird chirping nearby 

'Just do it.. no one wants you here' 

Water splashing from under the bridge 

'Amity left' 

Wind swishing 

'Willow is being burdened by you'

Owl cooing

'Eda is being bothered by you'

Toads croaking 

'King is hurt and you're not there for him'

Crickets chirping 

'Dad sees you as a disappointment'

Cara rumbling nearby 

'Everyone does' 

A shaky exhale escape Luz's lips

'I will and I am doing this' 

Luz wants this. They're sure of it. No hesitation. No holding back. Nothing. The words; 'I want this. I want this. I want this' keeps playing a loop in Luz's head. And with one final breath, Luz leaned forward.

Chapter Text

“nothing last forever

let that be the reason you stay 

even this sick twisted misery

will not last

- hope

(Rupi Kaur)

“Life is never fair, and perhaps it’s a good thing for most of us that it is not” -Oscar Wilde

—————————-

Luz wants this. They're sure of it. No hesitation. No holding back. Nothing . The words; 'I want this. I want this. I want this ' keeps playing a loop in Luz's head. And with one final breath, Luz leaned forward.

The feeling of something crawling on Luz’s left leg brought her out of her little ‘moment ’. Luz panicked at the unexpected touch and immediately flinched back. 

Luz gasped, wildly looking around trying to regain consciousness. The first thing Luz noticed was that she wasn’t where she thought she was standing. Instead, they were sitting on the ground; the same position as before.  

Confused, Luz tried to wreck their brain about what happened. They didn’t remember much; first she was bawling her eyes out then Otty came and cheered them up but backfired and Luz was about to commit…. so why, how and when did she end up still on the ground? 

“Hey, you okay?”

Luz’s head whipped towards the direction of the voice. 

————

Luz’s POV

I looked at the direction as to where the voice came from, trying to make out the feature of the voice’s owner. I squinted, albeit as I noticed my hazy vision thinking that the person was just too far but as I took a double take, I realised that they’re not as far as I made it seem. Upon that discovery, I realised what was happening. 

‼️Dissociation‼️ ->will be there on and off for the rest of the chapter 

My head started to feel a little heavy. I glanced down and brought my slightly shaky hand into view. With bated breath, my eyes began blinking continuously trying to focus my vision. Everything felt so blurry, I frantically looked around, finding something… anything to help me ground myself. As I looked around, I took in the familiar vision that had been greeting me from time to time; everything felt so vibrant but at the same time so dim, sounds everywhere felt muffled.

“Hey... you.. he a r  me… a r e    y o  u…”

I turned to my left, attempting to put a face to the voice. Tall lanky man with chocolate skin and soft puffy hair, concern obviously lingering in his eyes. 

“You good?”

His voice; muffled yet loud. I snorted, the paradox during dissociative episodes is always so ironic. 

“Hey. Are you finally back?”

I flinched, totally forgetting about the man next to me;

“Oh! Yeah! Yeah… sorry I’m a little out of there…”

He tsked;

“Nahh it’s fine. Happens to the best of us. But… seriously tho, are you okay? You’ve been spacing out a lot..”

Chucking nervously, I began rubbing the back of my neck;

“Ahh yeah… it.. it happens sometimes.. don’t worry about it.” 

He hummed in agreement;

“Y’know.. if you want to talk about it.. you can. I won’t mind. I mean.. that is if you really want to.. I wouldn’t want to force you into anything, it's just… me strolling around and suddenly seeing you against these railings just.. staring.. you were.. completely out of it and.. I don’t know.. I got worried.”

“That’s nice of you.” 

“It’s nothing. It’s just basic human courtesy, y’know. Plus.. it’s late and you’re out here all alone.. can’t really leave you unattended… the world’s a cruel place.”

‘You have no idea’ I thought.

“You’re totally right” I chuckled through my words. “But not everyone will do that.. especially not for a random stranger. You don’t even know me! I could possibly be a serial killer for Titan’s sake!”

“As if,” he scoffed. “First off, it was obvious you were crying so there’s no way you could’ve hurt me-”

“It could’ve been a bait!” I cut in.

“But it wasn’t,” he deadpanned.. “Next, I know you’re not a serial killer cuz we’ve met before.”

Upon seeing my bewildered look I gave him, he elaborated;

“Y’know? Restaurant? You and the glasses girl? Or.. maybe not a girl so who knows… I mean.. it’s 2021, there can be vibes!”

Still confused.

“The wrecked purple stuffie? You got my dish dumped all over you?”

At that, it clicked. Although I hissed inwardly at the reminder of what Luzura had to go through on that day.

“Ohhh I see…” I clicked my tongue nervously; “yeah well… I was kinda out of it at that time too so I guess it didn’t really come to me to… y’know… introduce myself back then.” 

“Like I said, no worries,” he shrugged. “But now that we’re talking maybe it’s time for us to officially introduce ourselves, ey? I’m Augustus. Augustus Porter. He/him pronouns. You?”

I giggled; “Sure.” Turning my body to the left to face him; “I’m Luz… Luz-” Noceda. That was what I was about to say. But, legally I’m not a Noceda anymore but more of a Clawthorne instead. I know these past three years Eda has been trying to make me comfortable around her but, I just can’t help but feel as if I’m robbing away something very important and meaningful from her. Her family name. 

“Sorry,” I apologised. “Kind of blanked out again.”

He shrugged dismissively.

“A-anyways…” I resumed; “Yeah… it’s Luz… just Luz… she/they pronouns.”

“Luz?” He called out.

‘ Please don’t ask my last name… please don’t ask my last name..’

“Why are you out here? Alone, that is. I mean.. I would’ve understood if you were taking a walk but if you say that then you’ll be lying cuz when I found you it's obvious you were crying. What happened?”

I gulped; “I… I just..” 

I didn’t know what else to say or how to explain it. I… I don’t think I even remembered the fight. I know I fought with my dad. But… I… can’t remember what happened during the fight. I know I regressed though, so it must’ve been bad. Was is that bad? I don’t know… I can’t remember.. no- I do remember.. I remember how I felt during it.. I know I was scared.. I know I was crying.. I know I was mad.. I know I felt confused but.. why? Looking back, I can’t.. even remember how he looked during the fight. It’s as if my memories are hazy, it’s like when you’re in the car looking out the window. Just a blur of emotions. 

“Hey,” he called out softly, breaking me out of my stupor. “If you don’t want to talk about it.. that’s okay too.”

I frowned, feeling disappointed at myself for not being able to open up.

“I’m sorry.”

 “You’ve been apologising a lot during the few minutes I’ve been talking to you.”

“I know.. but I really meant every single one.”

Silence washed over us, no words needed. I leaned my head against the railing, fluttering my eyes close to bask in the moonlight as I felt the gentle wind lulling me to sleep. Before I could though, I softly muttered; “Have you ever wanted to share more of yourself but felt terrified?”

I couldn’t see him but I could feel him turn his head towards me;

“Yeah well… everyone has a secret they want to keep and the constant fear of being known is always there. But personally I think that the fear of being unknown is even more terrifying. I wouldn’t want to leave this world without leaving my mark y’know?”

I hummed; “I get it, Gus.. you just don’t want people to forget you. But no matter how hard you try to avoid that… it always happens… just proves how broken this world is..”

“Gus?”

My eyes flew open; “Shit! I’m so sorry! I didn’t even ask if I could call you that!”

‘Way to go Luz! Another screw up.’ 

“No! No! It’s okay!” He called out trying to calm me down; “Really.. it’s.. it’s fine.. I like it.. I really do… a lot.” 

I felt my face getting warm in embarrassment. I’m glad he didn’t mind it or that could’ve gone terribly wrong. 

“And.. maybe when you say that the world is broken,” Gus looks up at me, his voice sounded so genuine; “Then perhaps you meant that something is broken inside of you..” 

I sat there, silent. I felt called out. I didn’t like feeling called out. Being called out means confrontations. Confrontations means trouble. 

“Well, as much as I like hanging out here with you, it’s really late and I should get going.”

“Oh! Right! I’m so sorry for taking your time.”

“It’s fine,” he fished his phone out of his pocket; “let me give you my number, you seem like a really cool person, Luz.”

I questioned; “Did you really just offer to give your number to a total stranger? What about the ‘stranger danger’ protocol?”

“Like I always say; strangers are just friends I haven’t met.” Gus shrugged. 

Arching my eyebrows teasingly; “I’ve never heard you say that tho.”

“Ahh yes.. well that's simply because you haven’t met me.”

I scoffed, finally relenting and giving him my number. 

“Well.. it was really nice meeting you Gus.”

“Hold up. There’s no way I’m just leaving you like this.”

“Like what?” I tilted my head questionly.

“Alone! I can’t leave you alone! At night. It’s dangerous. Do you have anyone you can contact so they can come pick you up.. or maybe if you don’t mind I could walk you home?”

I bit my lips at his suggestion. While he’s not wrong, I didn’t really feel like going back yet. And it’s not like I can call Willow or Boscha since they’re both on a date. Eda is a no go either. 

“It’s fine. I’d rather stay out here for a bit.”

Gus glanced at me worriedly; 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s dangerous to be out here alone, Luz.”

I sighed; “Well.. I guess there is one person I could call to keep me company.”

After being told to call my ‘company’, I delved into my pocket and reached for my phone. 

————

Third person’s POV 

 “You sure I can just leave you here?”

“Yes, Gus she’ll be here soon.”

“I can always wait for her with you y’know?”

Luz smiled fondly, their heart melted at the simple gesture; “I’ll be fine, Gus. I promise.”

“Alright,” Gus reluctantly relented; “Call me if you need anything alright. And I really mean anything , ‘kay?” 

“You have my word.”

Luz sighed, sliding down against the railings as she watched Gus slowly disappearing into the night. This day has been a rollercoaster of emotions and Luz for one could not wait to have this day to simply be over with. 

Luz dragged both of her hands down her face in exasperation, mumbling tirelessly; “This.. is definitely one of the longest day.. in my life.” 

The enervated brunette tilted their head upwards, half lidded eyes staring back at the stars that she felt as if they were judging her. The exhaustion caused Luz to think nothing but black thoughts, mindlessly gazing at the night sky. Until those blank thoughts somehow got directed towards one of their main concerns of the day. King. The faithful companion Luz had neglected in order to be on time to a therapy session that they didn’t even go to. ‘ Oh how Eda would be disappointed’. 

But that’s a problem for future Luz. Present Luz however; 

——-

Amity slammed the car door shut. Her heart racing, trying to spot the familiar brunette. She felt herself getting more and more restless every passing second. She jogged, directing herself towards the bridge. She gasped at the sight of a sobbing Luz.

“Luz! You’re bleeding!”

Amity ran and crouched in front of her, slowly reaching out trying not to startle them. 

“…Luz?” 

Luz sluggishly looked up, eyes puffy and red, her sobs never wavering, barely managing to choke out a sentence;

“He’s gone, Ami.”

——-

Few minutes ago… 

“Hey, Eda.” Luz called into the telephone. 

“Umm.. hey kid..” 

Luz’s eyebrows etched in confusion;

“Eda.. is.. is everything alright? Why are you so quiet? How’s King? Did something happen?” 

She heard her adopted mother’s breath hitch. Luz felt their heartbeat spiked. 

“Eda.. please.. what’s wrong.. you’re.. you’re scaring me..” her voice quivered at the end. 

A beat of silence before Eda broke it with a raspy whisper; “I’m so sorry, Luz..” 

Luz’s heart dropped, feeling herself tearing up slightly. “Eda.. no.. no no.. it..it.. can’t be.. King he’s.. he’s okay.. right? Eda please.. he’s okay right?” 

“Luz.. I’m.. I’m sorry..”

“King will be back tomorrow like you promised, right?”

“..Luz..”

 “Eda please! Tell me he’s okay!” 

“Luz!” 

Luz let out a heart wrenching cry, her heart felt heavy and they felt as if they couldn’t breathe. All Eda could hear from the other line is her beloved kid making gasping noises in disbelief. She felt her heart break, her precious Luz has gone through so much. They didn’t deserve this. Eda wanted to capture the young brunette in a tight hug, offering words of comfort directly into their ear but sadly she was too far out of reach. All Eda could do was mutter ‘I’m sorry.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry’ as an endless chant in hope to comfort the heartbroken brunette. 

“I’m really really really sorry Luz.. I.. I tried my best..”

Luz sniffled; “It’s.. it’s fine, Eda..” they choked back a sob, voice full of hurt; “this is all my fault..” 

“This is in no way your fault, you hear me?”

“But Eda-“

“No, kid..” Eda took a shaky breath. The little doggy had helped her in many ways too. King helped liven up the house despite being such a little tyrant. She even owed it to him as he had helped Luz to be more comfortable with her, allowing the young brunette to be more open with her feelings. She’d never admit it to anyone but King felt like family too. 

“Look, kid.. life is all about letting things go.. nothing is ever permanent and we can’t change that…”

“I.. I know, Eda.. I just.. I want him back..”

Eda sighed softly; “Me too, kid.. me too.”

—————

Present… 

Amity stood there dumbfounded. She didn’t know what to think of currently. 

‘Go on and comfort her, Blight!’

‘But- how?!’

‘What do you mean “how” ?!’

‘I meant what I meant! I don’t know how to!’ 

‘You’re a therapist for Titan’s sake! Hug her!’ 

‘I can’t just hug them!’ 

‘Why not?!’

‘I… but.. cute person!!’

Luz’s choked sob broke her out of her stupor.

‘Panic later, they need you. So do your job!’ 

Amity approached the still crying figure, lowering herself to be levelled with the brunette. She softly ran her fingers through Luz’s hair, smiling fondly on how they leaned against her hand trying to follow the touch. 

“Is there anything I can do that’ll help you?” She inquired tenderly.

Luz whispered timidly; “Can I just get a hug?” 

Without saying anything, Amity positioned herself next to them and brought Luz to a side hug, gingerly running through their hair whilst whispering comforting words into her ear in hopes of calming them down. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” she comforted. “I got you… it’ll be okay..”

Deep down, Luz knew that they didn’t believe in any of the things Amity was saying. “You’ll be okay.” “Everything’s gonna be alright.” “You’re safe.” 

Those all felt like pretty white lies meant to only give her a temporary comfort.

“Hey,” the therapist called out. Gently cupping her cheeks, making Luz face towards her; “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Luz opened their mouth to respond but before she could, Amity tutted; “And please don’t say what you think I want to hear… opening up once in a while could help you, y’know?” 

The brunette sighed, acknowledging that any attempt at lying to appear fine would only be futile.

“Honestly… I don’t know.. too many things happened at once.. it’s hard to keep up.. I guess I just feel like.. everyone else is leaving me miles behind..” 

Amity knew that she was supposed to comfort the fragile human before her, providing them with warm words to make them feel better. But seeing the faraway look Luz was giving, she also knew that Luz wasn’t completely there and words simply wouldn’t be enough. 

Slowly pulling away, not missing the desperate whine Luz let out when her only sense of comfort was being taken away. Amity dug into her pocket, immediately fishing out her phone. After messing around with it for a little while, Amity placed her phone back on the pavement against the railing as the sound of an ukulele strumming began to play.

Turning around to face her companion, she reached her hands out, a playful smile on her lips; “May I have this dance?” 

Luz felt a familiar tug at her chest that she’d always felt whenever she was around Amity. It was… overwhelming to say the least. Feeling absolutely suffocated. But at the same time.. warm. And no matter how many times Luz tries to deny it, it’s impossible to say that Luz hates feeling that way. Whatever that ‘feeling’ is. 

Hesitantly yet determined, Luz placed their hand to grasp Amity’s, allowing herself to be pulled up.

( https://youtu.be/G6LJ4qDzeQQ ) 

“You showed me red flags

But I had rose colored glasses on” 

Amity gently placed her hands around Luz’s hip as Luz wrapped their hands around the Blight’s neck. Slowly swaying both of them around, Amity’s gaze went all over the brunette, eyes filled with sorrow. 

“Where did you get all those bruises?” Her voice was so soft as if she didn’t want to break the delicate atmosphere around them yet voice was still filled with worry. 

Instead of a full answer as Amity hoped, Luz shifted their gaze to the side nervously, giving a vague answer as per usual; “Just… my dad.. nothing much..” 

‘ Nothing much’ Amity scoffed.

“You're so magnetic

I feel you pull me in like nothing's wrong” 

“Y’know what…” Amity began. “Fck your shitty parents! Your dad clearly doesn’t deserve you. Today onwards, I’m gonna be your dad now.. and your mom. So I guess this makes me your dom. Wait- fck no!”

Luz brought her head back, bursting into laughter. Eyes crinkling with a genuine smile. 

“Stop laughing!” The therapist pouted playfully. “You’re not supposed to be laughing!”

Luz giggled; “Awwee.. why not..” Barely holding their laughter; “… daddy?…” ending their sentence with a sly grin. 

“LUZ!!”

“What?! You started it!”

Amity couldn’t help but to burst into her own fit of laughter. 

“With crumbs of your affection

To keep me close

I’ve learned my lesson”

“Look, Luz,” Amity sighed. “I know things are hard for you right now. But one thing that I’ve always noticed since the beginning is your constant denial on the topic that you deserve to heal. I know that that isn’t really what you believe but..”

“But.. it’s the truth..” Amity finished slowly. “I know that the truth is very hard for you to accept but… but sometimes the only way to understand the truth is to make yourself vulnerable to it. Then only are you able to make room for growth.”

Amity looked up, eyes locked with Luz’s. The Blight couldn’t decipher what emotion Luz’s face was showing. Amity felt Luz begin to pull away, face finally showing it’s emotions. Hurt. Anger. Denial.

“Guess you'll never think of me

Like I think of you”

“You can’t say those things and suddenly act like a therapist...” Luz muttered. “You can’t.. especially after you ditched me this morning.”

Amity held back a scoff; “Bold of you to say that when you ditched therapy too. Lilith told me you didn’t even show up!”

“Lilith? Why would Lilith have anything to do with this?!”

As if a lightbulb just struck in her head, Amity slapped her forehead. ‘Damn.. I knew I was forgetting something..’

“Look..” Amity muttered. “The reason I wanted to meet up earlier before therapy is actually to inform you of the change of plans.”

“Plans.. plans for what?” Luz inquired, genuinely confused. 

“For our therapy sessions,” Amity explained. “You’ll be having sessions with Lilith instead..”

On seeing Luz’s shocked and fearful expression, she quickly added; “BUT!.. but.. I’ll be there too.. just… not as a therapist..“

Luz’s silence that came afterwards did not help reassure Amity one bit. ‘Did I make the wrong choice?’ She began to question her hasty decision. 

“You…” Amity’s eyes shot up, shifting her focus entirely on what Luz was about to say. Those warm brown eyes glazed with unshed tears, voice wobbling only in a soft broken whisper; “You’re giving up on me?” 

“Guess we'll never get to be

More than this

I won't be more to you”

“What?” 

Out of all the possible responses, this was something the green-haired woman was not prepared for. 

“Luz.. I will never give up on you.”

“But you just did,” Luz insisted.

“I did not.. this is for the best-“

“People only use that as an excuse for their own actions.”

“No.. Luz.. I-.. trust me when I say it’ll really help this way-“

“Why,” Luz cut her off.

Amity blinked, confused; “Pardon?” 

“Why did you do it?” Luz challenged her. “You say it’s for the best so please.. enlighten me.. why is this for the best?!”

Amity felt her face burning in shame. 

“Well.. I just thought that.. with your mental conditions it would’ve been better off if-“

“So you think I’m too much for you?”

Luz actually sounded genuinely hurt, as if they actually believed what they just said, making Amity frown.

“Titan, Luz! I never said that!”

“So then please! Tell me why! I want to know what I did wrong!”

“YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, LUZ!”

“THEN WHAT?! WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR PATIENT?!”

“LUZ! STOP IT WITH THIS NONSENSE!”

“NO, AMITY! YOU STOP! WHY DID YOU DO THIS?! WAS I TOO MUCH?! AM I TOO COMPLICATED?! AM I JUST A BURDEN?! AM I NOT WORTH IT?! WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?! DID I-“

“I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” 

‘There… it’s finally out..’

Amity unintentionally yelled, not being able to hear Luz berate herself further. 

“I just can't help it

Guess you could call me a hopeless romantic”

Luz’s eyes became wide. Whispering in disbelief;

“You… you want me?”

The Blight couldn’t help but to giggle at Luz’s bewildered expression. “I do..”

Luz began stuttering, cheeks warm; “I… huh.. wow.. I uh-… how?..”

“How?” Amity parroted.

“How.. I just.. I don’t get it.. why me .. what did I do?..”

The pale woman shrugged nonchalantly; “I just think that we’d be a good us..”

Luz looked down to the pave. Still trying to wrap their head around the fact that Amity likes them. Amity. The Amity that always made them feel safe. The Amity that has always made her feel warm and fuzzy. The Amity.. Luz’s main source of comfort. 

“So..” Amity began approaching Luz once more, face hopeful; “What are we now? Do you… do you feel the same way?”

Still not getting any form of response from Luz, Amity cupped the tan brunette’s face; “What’s this between us?”

Amity has always been Luz's source of comfort. And currently they knew that Amity needed the reassurance that her love was returned. 

“Nothing..” Luz whispered bitterly. “There’s nothing, Blight.” 

But Luz couldn’t possibly give Amity a fake reassurance after everything the Blight had done for her. 

“So maybe I am the one to blame

You can't give me what I want

We were doomed from the start”

Amity squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing the bile in her throat, a tear couldn’t help but escape. She drew in a shaky breath, grabbing Luz by neck and kissed her hard. 

Luz was right.

There really was nothing between them. 

Not even air.

And this is the only form of ‘nothing’ the Blight was willing to accept. 

But of course, 

She pulled away from Luz.

She would never force Luz into anything she didn’t want to.

Luz glanced sorrowfully at the heartbroken therapist before them, still being able to taste the Blight’s salty tears from their kiss. Luz’s first kiss. And yet, the brunette couldn’t find herself to care. In fact, they quite accepted that idea. 

“Look, Ams..” 

Amity glanced to the side, tears still pouring out never-endingly. She was already hurt and whatever Luz wanted to say she simply couldn’t bear.

Luz felt her heart break at the vulnerable sight of the usually sure-footed therapist. ‘This is all your fault. You hurt her.’ 

“Ams.. the thing is.. I don’t want to live without you.. if we could.. could we at least stay friends?..”

Amity choked back a sob at the suggestion. She wanted more. She wanted the both of them to be more. She wanted to hold Luz tight. She wanted to always be the one there to comfort Luz during their breakdowns. She wanted to kiss away the tears from the brunette. But she can’t. Because she was selfish. She didn’t think. She didn’t even put Luz’s opinion into consideration before setting up a deal with Lilith. She acted based on her emotions and that was stupid of her. 

“But I don’t want to..” she whimpered back weakly. 

Luz’s eyes soften. Biting their lips, Luz felt themselves tearing up at the same time, feeling absolutely guilty that she made Amity of all people to be such a wreck. 

“I’m.. I’m so sorry, Blight.. I.. I should just go..”

As Luz turned to leave, she felt Amity tugging her back. 

“Wait, please!” She choked back. “Please.. please reconsider,” she pleaded. “I can’t.. I want you Luz.. please..”

“And you’ll always have me-“

“But not in the way I want!”

“Amity, please.. listen..”

“No! You listen, Luz!” She sobbed. She felt so weak and exposed like this. Begging to be loved. “Just please! Think back at how you feel with me!”

“Amity, please..” Luz exasperated. “I can’t.. force myself to feel things I don’t… but.. don’t worry.. I’m sure you’ll move on soon enough-“

“But how am I supposed to move on from something that didn’t even happen!” She wailed. “Please, Luz.. I don’t want to lose you..”

“Like I said, Ams..you won’t lose me..” Luz said tenderly, knowing well enough that she had caused the Blight enough pain, and seeing the Blight cry just made their heart twist in every way and definitely now in a good way.

“But Luz-“

“Amity,” Luz’s voice stern; “Like I said.. I don’t want to live without you, okay… but that doesn’t mean I can’t… so please.. don’t make me prove it.” 

With that, the Blight reluctantly let go of what she thought was her could-be lover’s hand. She stared numbly at the direction Luz headed back home. Amity found herself not being able to cry anymore. All she could afford to do was to sit in silence, feeling her heart break in ways that she didn’t even think was possible. 

She cursed her heart for being the way it is. 

Out of 7 billion hearts out there, Amity just had to fall for the one that didn’t beat for her. 

Chapter Text

“I’m no stranger to fucking up”

-Girl In Pieces

“Love is indeed precious and something to treasure – but while a human can love and admire the moon from afar, they should never expect the moon to be able to feel the same.”

-unknown- 

——————-

“So… what are we now? Do you… do you feel the same way? What’s this between us?”

‘You hurt her’ 

I know…

‘Do you really? Cuz if you did you wouldn’t have done that to her’

"Wait, please!" She choked back. "Please.. please reconsider," she pleaded. "I can't.. I want you Luz.. please.."

‘She’s been helping to fix yourself yet this is how you repay her? How selfish’

It’s not selfish! They.. all of them said that I deserve my shot at happiness too… it’s not-

‘You believe that? You said it yourself; they’re just using you to make themselves feel good. As if they’ve done the impossible by making sure you’re fixed’

“Think back on how you feel with me!”

‘What’s there to feel? The pity she feels for you?’

No… Amity.. Amity’s being genuine… she does.. she does like me! 

‘Yet you rejected her?’

Luz sighed, exhausted with the day they had. First King, then the therapy she was supposed to go to, then dad… and Amity …

“But how am I supposed to move on from something that didn’t even happen!”

Amity…

Luz stopped in their tracks. They just lost Amity. 

Luz whimpered, dragging her cheeks down with the palm of her hands. Sniffling, Luz thought; ‘Can’t believe I just did that to her..’ 

‘But… I didn’t completely lose her… like I said.. I’ll still be keeping her as a friend’

‘But what if she runs away from you? What if… what if she just can’t handle your rejection? What if she can’t stand to see you anymore? That just the thought of you would make her sick? What if-‘

Luz shook her head. ‘This won’t solve anything.’ 

Deciding that succumbing to their thoughts would be the least wise decision as of now, Luz pulled out her earphones that were coiled around her neck and let the music take over their thoughts. 

Minutes of silence- nothing but the sounds of music leaking out from Luz’s earphones- ultimately, Luz caught a glimpse of the empty house they were so desperate to run away from mere hours ago. 

Boots that were hastily put on finally came to a stop. The watch on the left arm shows 2.45 am. Body slightly shivering from the cold. Hands stopped midway from the doorknob. The skin so close Luz could practically feel the cold metal against the tips of their fingers. The chilling static causes goosebumps all over her skin. 

Skin tingling. Breath hollow. Eyes stinging and crusty from all the crying. 

A deep staggering breath.

And the door flings open. 

The sight of the dark living room greeted the brunette. Still untouched. Left just the same as it did before. 

Left hand still clutched on the doorknob, Luz suspired a breath of relief. 

Honestly, they didn’t know what she was expecting.

For her dad to appear just as he did the last time they were here?

….

Ok yeah- that definitely was what ran through Luz’s head before she entered. 

With steps as heavy as her heart, Luz closed the door behind them. Allowing themselves to be wrapped by the darkness around. 

———————

Luz’s body slumps slightly. A breath of relief exhaled. 

Luz closed her eyes, letting themselves go. Her senses are overwhelmed by the sound of shower and smells of a variety of soaps mixed into one. 

Luz cleared her head empty. Only the distant sound of the water dripping filled her surroundings. 

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Luz knew this was wrong. 

They reached for the dark blue bottle shampoo in the corner and popped it open. 

Long lectures and nagging from Eda sprung into her mind as she squeezed the shampoo bottle. Luz stared silently as they watched the dark rich fluid fill her hand. 

They let out a small sigh, bringing her hands together to smother the shampoo before slathering it onto their thick brown curls. 

‘You can’t shampoo constantly, kid. It’s bad for your hair. It’ll get too many nutrients and before you know it’ll turn gray like mine.’

‘Sorry, Eda,’ Luz apologised silently. 

She just couldn’t help herself. 

Luz would always find herself in the shower, shampooing their hair after a stressful day. 

They couldn’t explain it outright but-

The pressure. 

Luz scrubbed her hair harder. Fingers constantly in a grabbing motion as she scrubbed her scalps deeper and harder. 

The pressure on their head feels nice this way.

As if she’s scrubbing all those intrusive thoughts away. 

Slowly but surely Luz felt their shoulders relax. The burdens of today’s worries washing away alike the shampoo dripping down caramel skin. 

‘What are you going to do about the Amity problem?’

A harder scrub and a deeper exhale. And the thoughts got washed away. 

After a while, Luz walks out of the shower. Nothing but blank thoughts running across their mind.

 Finally- a temporary peace. 

——————

The rays of sunlight spilled through the windows. Specs of dust seen flying around as the sunlight shines upon them. 

Luz nuzzles deeper into her pillows before huffing out a big tired sigh. Moving to lay on their back, Luz stretched her arms upwards before groaning groggily. Luz let out a tired breath, rubbing the sleep away from their eyes. 

She got out of bed and went ahead to proceed with their usual morning routine before heading downstairs.

As their legs came to a stop, Luz perked up at the distant sound in the kitchen. Luz swore their heart rate did too. 

Slow hesitant steps towards the kitchen, Luz gripped the hem of her shirt, body full of anxiety. Their mind thought the worst. 

Anxiously, in a small meek voice, Luz called;

“Hello? Who’s there?”

A loud BANG! Rang through the kitchen making Luz flinch in surprise. 

“I’m not joking!,” Luz called out. “I have shampoo and I know how to use it as a weapon.” She challenged. 

‘Pretty sure whoever broke in is trying not to laugh at me now.’ Luz thought. 

Although, true to her words- Luz whipped out a packet of travel shampoo from her pocket. 

‘Why would I even need to bring this around?’ Luz’s face scrunched up in both disdain and disbelief. 

Eda let out a scoff; ‘Kid, trust me. The best weapon is one no one would ever think of.’

Recalling back to that particular memory, Luz silently thanked Eda. 

Her paranoia regarding their dad heightening their current senses. 

Breath shallow, heart pumping, skin tingling, shampoo in hand, Luz keeked into the kitchen tentatively. 

Until-

“Luz chop!” With a battle cry she charged into the kitchen. And uhh yea- shampoo clutched tightly in hand. 

Luz’s eyes screw shut- knowing they’d be too scared to actually take charge if they were opened. As she bumped into a figure, Luz wasted no time to smother shampoo into what she assumed was the intruder’s eyes. 

“AHHH! FUCK KID! GET OF ME!”

Luz yelped, eyes drastically widening. “Eda?!”

Eda groaned, eyes clenched shut. 

“Shit kid-” she muttered. “When I told you this self defence trick years ago I didn’t meant use it on me.”

“Oh Titan! Eda, I am so so sorry!” Luz apologised exasperatedly. They watched, eyes filled with concern as Eda blenched, blindly grabbing onto anything in her surroundings to help guide her towards the sink. 

Sympathetically, Luz offered; “Here, let me.” Luz grabbed onto Eda’s shoulder and gently brought the woman over to the sink before turning the tap on, efficiently cleansing their parental figure’s eyes from the shampoo. 

As the cold water overtook the overwhelming feeling of shampoo in her eyes, Eda let out a sigh in relief. She chuckled while scrubbing her eyes as gently as possible, trying not to agitate the wound further; “Damn kid. The tip I gave actually works.”

“Wait-” Luz inquired; “You mean you didn’t know if it would actually work?!”

Standing up right, dabbing a dry cloth over her eyes, Eda chuckled weakly;

“But hey- like I told you. It works, doesn't it?”

Luz huffed; “Still doesn’t change the fact that you literally have been sending me out on my own with a shampoo self defence trick you didn't even know if it would work!”

“Geez so naggy so early,” Eda muttered half heartedly. 

“Eda, I could’ve been murdered.”

“Ahhh but you didn’t,” the grey haired lady countered back. 

“You’re a witch,” Luz said before flipping her off, tongue poking out in disinterest. 

“But think about it Luz!” Eda pointed out; “Imagine it.”

“I'd rather do anything but imagine my own death.”

“No no, shhh. Listen, alright,” Deciding that they’d hear more crazy things from their stay with Eda these past three years, she gave in with a sigh.

“Imagine- you would’ve had the coolest tombstone ever!” A wide grin on Eda’s face as Luz already regretted her mother figure as she began to clarify her point; “Here lies Luz Clawthorne. The person who’s caught dying with their fingers deep into a stranger and definitely not in a kinky kind of way cuz it’s deep into their eyes!”

Luz groaned. Why had she even chosen to stay with an estranged parental figure again? Oh right-  cuz her dad is a massive asshole. Gotcha. 

“Sometimes I don’t even know why I bother putting up with you. You’re even more childish than me!” Luz exasperated. 

“That’s because I actually had a normal childhood while yours was robbed. You’re welcome!” Eda helpfully supplied. 

“Minus your occasional flare up disease of course,” Luz muttered darkly. 

Eda playfully pouted; “Geez way to put salt on the wound kid.”

“As if you didn’t do it first.” They rolled her eyes. “I’m just returning the favour.”

Wait-

“Did you just call me Luz Clawthorne ?” Luz asked. Surprised and a little hopeful. 

Eda raised her eyebrows, eyes still a bit red. She leant against the sink. 

“Uhhh has it not always been your name these past three years?” She stated as a matter of fact. 

Luz perked up at that, gasping softly in disbelief. Excited. 

“Seriously?” 

Eda gave the brunette a half hearted smile, eyes full of sadness. 

“Obviously. You’re mine after all. Not getting rid of you anytime soon, kid.”

“Aweeee, Eda.” Teasingly; “You’re being so maternal right now.” 

“I mean-” she tried to save herself, cheeks flushed red. Although with Luz’s soft grin the older woman can’t deny the warmth that found its way into her heart. “I got you first. Finders keepers and all that.”

Luz snorted. “Pretty sure that doesn’t work that way when it comes to kids.”

“Yeah it does!” Eda fought back, wringing her hand around as a matter of fact, she stated; “kidnappers do it all the time. It’s like… technically written in the law handbook for all and any illegal activities.”

“Anyways-” Eda clapped her hands together, trying to avoid any further embarrassing questions. “I need your help to carry out the coffin.”

Luz backtracked. “Wait what-”

“You heard me.” Eda nudged Luz outwards the kitchen, “You’re on coffin duty with me now. Vamos!” 

“Wait but whose coffin?!” Luz frantically questioned. 

“Anyones guests!” Eda quipped a little too cheerfully.

“It’s only been less than 12 hours since I last saw you- what did you do, Eda?!”

————-

It was King’s. 

Luz sniffled, blinking back tears as memory of the little funeral the mother child had earlier. 

‘I’m so sorry, King . ’ Luz sobbed out. ‘I wish I was a better friend to you.’

Luz wanted to just curl deeper into her blankets as they are currently and just block out all their senses- especially their thoughts. 

But-

Knock! Knock!

“Kid?” Eda called out from the other side of the door. Voice still a bit scratchy from suppressing her tears but Luz definitely knew better than that. The soft whimpers spilling from the older woman didn’t help her case a bit. 

A soft tired sigh. 

“I know you want your space but…”

Luz nuzzled into their pillow albeit more. Heart feeling more hollow than ever. 

The next words Eda said made them sit up slightly in surprise.

If it actually was Eda. 

Instead- the voice that replaced her mother figure filled them with dread.

 Mouth dry, swallowing the guilt that shot through.

“It’s me, Luz. We gotta talk.”

‘Willow,’ Luz dreadingly thought. 

—————