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Atsumu can count on his hand five reasons to not fall in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi.
Of course, there are probably more reasons, there always is — but Atsumu doesn't want to think on those. Not when he's found a hundred reasons to love him as steadily as the sun that rises every day.
But he has five other reasons, good reasons, to not fall for this very man. They're built on every observance and every time they've talked. Atsumu thinks that Kita would be proud. It's the things they do every day that make them what they are; it's the things that happen every day that mean he can never love him.
1. sakusa kiyoomi has curly hair (boys with curly hair are never up to any good)
Atsumu's granny had told him that when he was 8 years old. She'd loved a boy, you see, when she was 18. He had hair curlier than anything and had given her something precious. Which, Atsumu soon found out, meant his own mama, and why his mama never talked about their grandfather.
Boys with curly hair know they're beautiful, and beautiful boys can be forgiven of so many crimes.
"Never trust a beautiful boy," his granny said. "They only break your heart."
Sakusa Kiyoomi is a beautiful boy with the curliest ink black hair Atsumu has ever seen. He doesn't seem like the boys his granny told him about, he doesn't seem to know he is beautiful at all. Atsumu wishes he could tell him he is.
2. sakusa kiyoomi has hands gentler than you'd expect (and he holds yours like they're precious)
His hands are calloused, like anyone else who plays their hard-hitting sport. But he uses a rose scented moisturiser and somehow, just as it should, it makes his hands so much more delicate.
He holds Atsumu's hands like they hold world and he feels like he's forgotten how to breathe. There's an unspoken intimacy in a man like Sakusa entwining his fingers with yours. Atsumu never says a word, he doesn't stir. He can never be sure when Sakusa will turn and run.
3. sakusa kiyoomi doesn't like onigiri (and onigiri is so important in your life)
He knows he's petty for having this reason. He is. Anyone can dislike a type of food and Sakusa's reasons are understandable. For who'd really want to eat something someone's hands have been all over, after they thought about it for a second longer than a minute?
But it's his twin brother's passion and Osamu is more than important. They were born with half world given to each other and thirteen minutes between them - of course Osamu was important. And if what Osamu loved wasn't appreciated by Sakusa, then how can Atsumu love him?
Osamu loves cooking all kinds of food, however, and so he makes Sakusa ochazuke. Carefully, so his hands haven't touched the tenderly grown rice.
And Kiyoomi is deeper in Atsumu's life than he realised.
4. sakusa kiyoomi won't call you by your name (even if it's the only one you don't share with your brother)
Atsumu is always Miya to him - always Miya and never Atsumu. He wonders, sometimes, to himself, if Sakusa will ever call him anything else.
Atsumu wants him to say his name. Wants to hear him whisper it in warm kisses across his throat and say it every waking morning. He wants to know what he can do to hear his given name fall from Kiyoomi's cold-pressed lips. He doesn't think he ever will.
5. sakusa kiyoomi doesn't love you (you don't think he ever can)
No matter how many times Atsumu loves him (gives him his everything, allows him into the folds of his life), Kiyoomi can never do the same. No matter what anyone else might think.
And he's looking at atsumu now with an expression that might be called pity. And atsumu knows he hates pity. He must be hating everything they're going through right now. Maybe he hates him too.
But sakusa kiyoomi is saying sorry, he's down on your level and he's saying sorry.
He can't return what you feel. He was never yours to begin with. Atsumu sits between two spaces. One wants to say he never loved him at all, the other wants to weep and crush his heart under the pitch black gaze that looks down upon him. For how could he have ever seen this coming?
There's five reasons not to fall in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi, Atsumu can count them all on his hand. And he ignored each and every one of them
Now it's 2AM in Osaka and Atsumu is alone, heartbroken — empty to all but the hard-worn reasons he wished he'd been able to keep.