Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Current Usernames???

Problem Child #1: Tommy
Problem Child #2: Tubbo

Scaley: Wilbur
Papa Bitch: Phil
Mentally Cracked: Techno
Spedran Chickens: Dream
Time Turner: Karl

Flaming Bastard: Sapnap

DuckDuckDUCK: Quackity

Ranboo/Rainphobic: Ranboo]

Problem Child #1 Has Added (1) One New User to the Chat: WE ARE ALL BIG PEOPLE

Problem Child #1: SPEAK BITCH

Ranboo: …

Problem Child #1: THAT ISN’T FUCKING SPEAKING YOU COCK

Papa Bitch: Tommy, who’s this?

Problem Child #1: BIG MAN PHILZA

Papa Bitch: Tommy. You know the rules about this chat.

DM: Philza (Creator) and Tommy (Golden Child)

Tommy (Golden Child): Phil, my pal, my father figure, the creator of my very flesh


Philza (Creator): Get on with it, Theseus

Tommy (Golden Child): Okay, so you know how Tubbo and I snuck out

Philza (Creator): We are not letting a stray stay in the fucking chat with 

Philza (Creator): LITERAL GODS, THESEUS

Tommy (Golden Child): Wait! Wait! Hear me out!

Philza (Creator): You have three messages

Tommy (Golden Child): He was staying with a Strider Hybrid named Warston!

Philza (Creator): What does that have to do with anything?

Tommy (Golden Child): I forgot to mention he’s a pure Endling hybrid too. See?

Tommy (Golden Child) has linked an image

[In the image, a piebald hybrid is sitting, dual tails waving behind him and patches of purple particles floating around him. To his left, Tubbo is talking animatedly with his hands, while Tommy is taking a selfie with a peace sign.]

Philza (Creator): I have only met one hybrid like that in my life.

Philza (Creator): And Phoecia told me of one Strider having a child.

Philza (Creator): Fine. We can keep him. 

Philza (Creator): But tell him nothing, I need to do some research

Tommy (Golden Child): Research on what?

Philza (Creator): Something from before you were born, Theseus.

Chat: WE ARE ALL BIG PEOPLE

Online: 5/33

Problem Child #1: GOOD NEWS RANBOOB, YOU CAN STAY

Ranboo’s name has been changed too: Rainphobic

Rainphobic: Wow Tommy, you are so creative

Problem Child #1: WHY THANK YOU, BIG MAN

Scaley: Are you always this fucking oblivious?

Problem Child #1: ARE YOU INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE

Scaley: For my own ears, I will say no.

Scaley: Anyways introduce us to your new friend

Problem Child #1: THIS IS RANBOOB. RANBOOB SAY HI

Rainphobic: …

Problem Child #1: FUCK YOU TOO

Problem Child #2: Me n Tommuy fnde Ranbuob whn w snerk ut

Rainphobic: Are you calling me a stray??

Problem Child #1: NO

Problem Child #2: Absolty

Scaley: How does Phil feel about this?

Papa Bitch: Quite frankly, as long as he isn’t at the

Papa Bitch: house

Papa Bitch: Then we’ll be fine

Problem Child #1: NO WE ARE AT THE EMPRESS’ PALACE WITH HIS DAD

Problem Child #1 has Linked an Image

[Tommy is standing off to the side, holding up his phone. Tubbo is awkwardly off to the side, while the imposing figures of Ranboo and his Strider Father, Warston, are in front of a blazing throne. You can just see at the top of the image the blazing gowns of the Empress. Curiously, a figure off to the side is fervently scrolling on their own phone.]

Scaley: Which one are you, Ranboo?

Rainphobic: The black and white monochrome one. My pa’s holding my hand lol

Papa Bitch: Are you alright in the nether? Aren’t End hybrids uncomfy there?

Rainphobic: How’d you know I was an End hybrid?

Papa Bitch: Tommy.

Rainphobic: Oh.

Rainphobic: But yea, I’m fine. We needed to speak with her anyways

Chat: WE ARE BIG PEOPLE - Ranboo

Online: 4/32

Flaming Bastard: Theseus Minecraft.

Problem Child #1: Sappitus Nappitus.

Flaming Bastard: Shut it, that’s not my name.

Flaming Bastard: Now tell us, why didn’t you say the End King was back??

Papa Bitch: WHAT

Problem Child #1: Oh yea, that lol

Problem Child #1: Yea, me, Boo, and Tubs are currently running from him

Papa Bitch: Why, might I ask?

Problem Child #2: We don’t know, actually

Problem Child #2: Warston and Ranboo are very secretive when they want to be

Problem Child #1: All we know is that the End King wants Ranboo for some reason

Scaley: Phil, you don’t think.

Papa Bitch: It might be.

Problem Child #1: Can we maybe get,,, SOME FUCKING CONTEXT

Papa Bitch: Tommy, Tubbo, keep an eye on Ranboo

Problem Child #2: We already were but okay :thumbs_up:

Papa Bitch: I need to do this research a little quicker

Papa Bitch is now Offline

Problem Child #1: THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

Chat: WE ARE BIG PEOPLE

Online: 9/33

DuckDuckDUCK: So you have a cat

DuckDuckDUCK: That can change her size when you purr?

Rainphobic: Oh yea, it’s so cool

Rainphobic: I actually saved Tubbo and Tommy with her help 

Mentally Cracked: Tell me more about this escapade, Tall Child

Rainphobic: So I was chillin with Enderchest (my cat) in the forest

Rainphobic: And I hear this absolutely horrid screech

Spedran Chickens: Was probably Tommy

Problem Child #1: IT WAS NOT

Problem Child #2: It wuz

Rainphobic: It was

Rainphobic: Anyways, so I come runnin over and like

DM: Ranboo and Tubbo

Tubbo: Don’t tell them I was injured

Ranboo: Weird but alright

Chat: WE ARE BIG PEOPLE

Online: 10/33

Rainphobic: Tommy was screaming like a little girl cause a bird was swooping at him

Rainphobic: So I had Enderchest become a big cat and chase it off

Problem Child #2: It was really funny

Problem Child #1: IT WAS NOT YOU FAT FUCKING LIARS

Mentally Cracked: Tell us, Tommy, what’s the real story?

Problem Child #1: …

Problem Child #1: ITS THE REAL STORY :(

Problem Child #2: :D

Rainphobic: :D

Problem Child #1: Asses, the both of you.

Spedran Chickens: Well I, for one, already like this tall child stray

Time Turner: Vouch

DuckDuckDUCK: Vouch

Flaming Bastard: Vouch

Scaley: Vouch

Papa Bitch: Vouch

Problem Child #2: Vouch!!!

Problem Child #1: WELL I DONT LIKE HIM

Spedran Chickens: Then why’d you add him?

Rainphobic: L

Problem Child #2: L

Chapter Text

Chat: WE ARE BIG PEOPLE

Online: 13/33

Femininely Kicks Ur Shins: So you were raised by the Ender Dragon?

Rainphobic: I mean yea, from what I can remember

Problem Child #2: He cn’t memba much

Rainphobic: Shush Tubbo

Problem Child #2: I have been shushed by Ranboo Beloved, what a world

Femininely Kicks Ur Shins: L

Problem Child #1: L

The Third: Ranboo, your surname’s Beloved?

Rainphobic: Yea, it’s my dad’s lol

Femininely Kicks Ur Shins: We should add him to our chat!

Rainphobic: What chat?

 Chat: Soon-To-Rule The World

Online: 4/5

Indigo: Drista, quick, hide the chat the history for a bit

Chaos Incarnate: I gotchu

Chaos Incarnate has hid the chat history for new members

Bee Whisperer has added One (1) New User to: Soon-To-Rule The World

Ranboo: Oh? Another chat?

Chaos Incarnate: Yep! It’s me, Drista

Indigo: Purpled

Bee Whisperer: Tubbo!!

Caw-caw Motherfuckers: TOMMY

Chaos Incarnate: And then there’s another girl named Lani but she’s asleep

Bee Whisperer: Lani’s still asleep?

Indigo: Yea, sorry Tubs

Ranboo’s name has been changed to: Vwwwoop

Vwwwoop: Tubbo??

Bee Whisperer: I like it when you make the vwoopy sounds!

Vwwwoop: Oh-

Chaos Incarnate: You make a vwoopy sound like endermen???

Chaos Incarnate: Man, Tommy and Tubbo are lucky they found you

Indigo: The adults are getting suspicious. We must scatter

Vwwwoop: But I didn’t even smash a 40 yet

Indigo: We are so keeping you

Chat: WE ARE BIG PEOPLE

Online: 14/33

Scaley: The children have been silent for awhile

The Lorax: I don’t blame them

Spedran Chickens: Oh come on, Ponk

The Lorax: I stand by what I said

Problem Child #1: FUCK YOU WILBUR 

Scaley: I spoke too soon

Rainphobic: Subtlety just gets flung out the window huh

Femininely Kicks Ur Shins: It always does with Tommy

Problem Child #1: FUCK ALL OF YOU AT THIS POINT

Problem Child #2: :(

Problem Child #1: EXCEPT TUBBO AND PURPLED

The Third: Why am I exempt?

Problem Child #1: BECAUSE YOU DONT SAY ANYTHING

The Third: Fair

Flaming Bastard: Aww, is someone baby raging?

Problem Child #1: NO BECAUSE I AM NOT A BABY

Rainphobic: He just molted a feather 

Problem Child #1: BETRAYED BY THE STRAY I PICKED UP

Rainphobic: Why am I still referred to as a stray

DuckDuckDUCK: Cause you were lost

Rainphobic: I will bite you

DuckDuckDUCK: Don’t test me, I’m fluent in kickass

Mentally Cracked: Quackity.

DuckDuckDUCK: partially fluent in kickass

Mentally Cracked: Better

Rainphobic: pffft L

Mentally Cracked is Offline

DuckDuckDUCK: That’s so unfair

Rainphobic: What?

DuckDuckDUCK: Techno never lets anyway get the last word in

DuckDuckDUCK: But he waited till you finished typing

Problem Child #2: Tchie hs a suft spit

Problem Child #1: YEA, BUT MOSTLY CAUSE RANBOO TALKED TO EDWARD

Rainphobic: Why is that so bad? The Ward is a great mentor

Rainphobic: Ah, wrong name. Edward is a great mentor

Mentally Cracked is Online

Mentally Cracked: No slandering me or Edward.

Mentally Cracked is Offline

Problem Child #1: BITCH

Scaley: What’d you mean by wrong name, Ranboo?

Rainphobic: Aaaaaa, I accidentally referred to Edward as his End Name

Rainphobic: Like he’s the Ward of Education

Time Turner: Then what’s yours?

Rainphobic: Uh, usually some form of prince. Edward calls me Princeling

Rainphobic: I was once called Princely Champion

Rainphobic: And most endermen refer to me as The Great Prince

Rainphobic: The Great Mother referred to me as her Glittering Prince

DuckDuckDUCK: Who was the Great Mother?

Time Turner: Quackity do you pay attention at all in End Studies?

DuckDuckDUCK: No lol

Rainphobic: The Great Mother is the Ender Dragon lol. 

Rainphobic: Us End Creatures call her mother because we came from her scales

Scaley: To supplant some missing info, she was the first ruler of the End Void

Scaley: And was supposed to have an egg that would become another dragon 

Rainphobic: Oh that’s right

Problem Child #1: SO WAIT WE’RE LOOKING FOR YOUR SIBLING

Rainphobic: I guess it could be seen like that

DM: WalkingOnCoals and The Big Man

WalkingOnCoals: Hello, Philza

The Big Man: You must be Mr Beloved

WalkingOnCoals: At your service, my liege told me you would contact me

The Big Man: So then you know what this is about

WalkingOnCoals: I have an idea

WalkingOnCoals: You wish to know how Ranboo came into Laria and I’s care

The Big Man: Precisely

WalkingOnCoals: As you wish

WalkingOnCoals: It was about two weeks after Laria and I had gotten married

WalkingOnCoals: We were stargazing in the self-made clearing by our home

WalkingOnCoals: A portal was ripped open before us and out stumbled 

The Big Man: Legions of End Folk?

WalkingOnCoals: Correct. 

WalkingOnCoals: We were given Ranboo’s hand by one, he looked five then.

WalkingOnCoals: Edward, his guardian was named, entrusted us with his safety.

WalkingOnCoals: We’ve had Ranboo ever since, and recently Edward returned.

The Big Man: He told you the dire news

WalkingOnCoals: Good, you are aware. 

The Big Man: So what are your plans?

WalkingOnCoals: I will help Ranboo in his search for Delitova’s heir

The Big Man: The egg can not do much until it’s hatched

WalkingOnCoals: It will hatch once Ranboo finds it

WalkingOnCoals: It has been waiting for years for him

The Big Man: And you think it’ll work?

WalkingOnCoals: It has to.

The Big Man: Thank you, Warston

WalkingOnCoals: Just keep an eye on him, he has a knack for trouble

Chat: WE ARE BIG PEOPLE

Online: 14/33

2020Gaydar: You two are so grounded when you get back btw

Problem Child #1: WE EXPECTED IT SO WE WONT BE BACK FOR A WHILE

Problem Child #2: Mwahahahahhahahaahah

Rainphobic: Tubbo, how did you spell that perfectly

Problem Child #2: Talent

Mentally Cracked: Stupidity

Problem Child #2: :(

Problem Child #1: APOLOGIZE TECHNOBLADE

Mentally Cracked: …

Rainphobic: Oh now he’s whining 

Mentally Cracked: Ugh, sorry Tubbo

Problem Child #2: :D

Flaming Bastard: That child has too much influence

Chapter Text

Chat: WE ARE BIG PEOPLE

Online: 5/33

Rainphobic: Have you ever doubted your dreams? Like as in if they were true?

Problem Child #2: That sounds like a you problem

Rainphobic: Okay Mister “Is it Gay to Eat a Bagel”

Problem Child #2: STOP PUBLISFING ME SHIME BOO

Rainphobic: Never

Hindsight Not 2020: Ignoring the second remark, not quite

Hindsight Not 2020: Dreams are just fun universes our brain creates

Hindsight Not 2020: Just because one dream might not be true

Hindsight Not 2020: Doesn’t invalidate others in anyway

Rainphobic: Well, that wasn’t the answer I was expecting

Blown Proportions: I will embrace the second remark, Tubbo what

Problem Child #2: Okay so what if I misinterpreted some new slang

Problem Child #2: It’s not my fault it was very vague

Rainphobic: It was not vague at all he’s just stupid

Rainphobic: And who’re you?

Blown Proportions: Oh I’m Sam, nice to meet you Ranboo

Rainphobic: God I hate backreaders

Take The L: Me too, Ranboo, me too

Rainphobic: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Rainphobic has gone offline

Take The L: Well that’s just rude

Problem Child #2: L

Rainphobic is Online

Rainphobic: L

Hindsight Not 2020: L

Blown Proportions: L

Take The L: Oh come on, not you too Sam

Problem Child #2: Take the L, Manifold. Accept it with grace

Rainphobic: Your surnames Manifold? You deserve the L

Take The L: Oh fuck off you twat

Rainphobic: That is bullying of a child

Rainphobic: Tubbo he’s bullying a child do you see this?

Problem Child #2: Oh I see it, Ranboo

Hindsight Not 2020: How dare you bully a child, Jack

Hindsight Not 2020: That’s just low

Take The L: What the fuck

Blown Proportions: Wow, Jack, bullying children. How disgusting

Take The L: Oh come on now you all know it’s in jest! 

Blown Proportions: But do the children?

Take The L: Ugh fine, Tubbo, Ranboo, I’m sorry for bullying you.

Rainphobic: …

Problem Child #2: …

Rainphobic: L

Problem Child #2: L

DMS: Creator Man (Phil) and Smallest Child (Tubbo)

Smallest Child: Phil, on this entire journey, I have seen like ten of your crows

Smallest Child: You’re tracking us aren’t you

Smallest Child: Phil

Smallest Child: Answer me

Smallest Child: Phil

Smallest Child: Phil

Smallest Child: Phil

Smallest Child: Phil

Creator Man: Tubbo, what have I said about spamming me

Smallest Child: Not to do so unless it’s important

Smallest Child: But this is important cause it’s unnerving Ranboo

Creator Man: Fine yes I’ve been tracking you

Creator Man: But why is it unnerving that boy? I’ve never met him

Smallest Child: Never said you did, but own up.

Creator Man: To what?

Smallest Child: Your other crime of stalking children

Creator Man: …

Creator Man: So then he actually saw me?

Smallest Child: Yes, Phil. He saw you.

Smallest Child: Why did you enter his dreams?

Creator Man: I hadn’t meant to. Some of the Chatter led me there 

Creator Man: And when I got there he was crying over an egg

Creator Man: But I’d seen the egg before

Smallest Child: Doesn’t excuse stalking

Creator Man: Just, keep an eye on Ranboo, Tubbo.

Creator Man: He concerns me.

Smallest Child: He’s quite capable but fine

Chat: WE ARE BIG PEOPLE

Online: 10/33

Problem Child #1: I never wanna go through the never ever again

Rainphobic: That’s only cause you tried hitting on a strider hybrid

Problem Child #2: And it turned out she was Ranboo’s cousin

Problem Child #1: WHAT IS WITH YOU LOT AND PUBLICIZING THINGS

DuckDuckDUCK: You got denied by Ranboo’s family?

Problem Child #1: NO

Spedran Chickens: IMAGINE GETTING OWNED LIKE THAT

Take the L: Maybe Tommy should learn to take the L

Problem Child #1: BE QUIET JACK MANIFOLD AND DREAM 

Rainphobic: That one’s going in the journal

Problem Child #1: PISS OFF YOU ABSOLUTE CUNTS