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It’s like this. When Wei Wuxian leaves Lotus Pier, he receives a quick hug from Jiang Fengmain and multiple sad-moon eyes from his fellow disciples. Fourth and sixth shidi clinging to his robes and whining their despair like loud children instead of disciples of a distinguished sect. Their dramatic wails abounding to the tune of “Please come back soon or we really won't survive!” and “Madam Yu will beat me blind if she has to take over training and see my technique!” Sentiments that bring both a small smile to his lips and pick at his heart for leaving anyone, especially them, to the whim of her moods.
If he has managed to drag Jiang Cheng on whatever adventure awaits, he would see Yanli last, making sure to return her hugs with greater force and promise to take care of himself on the journey. If not, he would always locate a grumbling Jiang Cheng (usually feigning productivity on the training grounds), sneak up behind him utilizing Suibian’s quiet speed, and trap him in a tight-but-loving tackle. If sometimes Jiang Cheng hits harder than a brawl between brothers requires, if Wei Wuxian’s clothes become ruffled before his journey truly begins, if he uses a little spiritual energy to heal himself much later and out of sight of his home, that’s really nobody’s business but his own.
Ever since he became Head Disciple, this farewell has become a ritual for his departure. A ritual Wei Wuxian takes pride in, to see the people he has won over care for him, the ones he has charmed and pestered and teased until they let him share parts of their lives.
This time is different.
This time he isn’t leaving for a week to chase ghouls across the Yungmeng and Lanling border. He isn't going to hop from town to town, searching for cases of spiritual possession and fierce corpses to keep him occupied just a day more before he returns to Lotus Pier. And he isn't leaving behind the two people he hates parting with the most.
It had taken her much convincing from Uncle Jiang, but Madam Yu had finally consented to let him study at the Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian was both ecstatic and melancholic in the same instance. His shidis were strong, he had trained them himself, and he knew they weren’t his to protect and “ coddle, Wei Wuxian! Be lax with your own cultivation all you want, but do not taint my disciples with your lazy excuse for training regiments.” It’s just that he knows Madam Yu likes to pretend he doesn’t exist. That she avoids him. An unspoken rule at Lotus Pier that wherever Wei Wuxian is, Madam Yu most certainly isn't. He’s almost grateful. It gives him the space to carve out his own belonging. A bubble where he can be himself and charm the people of the Lotus Pier against the poison of her ire. Where he can cook his spiciest dishes and feed them to the unsuspecting disciples, only to watch them sputter and choke over the sheer amount of peppers that can reasonably fit into a steamed bun. His little friends in spice-induced tears as the memory of her venom fades away.
He’s used to it by now. Picking himself up after every harsh word, brushing unpleasantness off his shoulder. But with a long departure ahead, he does worry. Like a house of cards in the wind, he worries the Lotus Pier he returns to will not be the Lotus Pier he leaves.
It doesn’t do much to settle his worries when the night before their departure, Madam Yu knocks on his door for the first time in well, ever , and stands in his doorway. Her posture menacing and her tone icy as she tells him to “behave as if he had an inkling of respect for the sect that raised him” and “leave my children outside of whatever trouble you make for yourself.” The exchange settled over him like a stone in the pit of his stomach.
But as the Yungmeng entourage of purple silks and carefree smiles left the Lotus Pier, he couldn't help but look ahead. The Cloud Recesses sat on top of a mountain, and the town at the foot of the mountain was said to hold the best liquor in the world! Surely only good things lay ahead.
…
Lan Wangji very rarely loses his temper. In fact, Lan Wangji’s temperament has earned him responsibilities that far exceed the limits of his age. Head of Discipline, advisor to the council of elders, and unmatched in cultivation studies, Lan Wangji lives his days diligently. The day is approaching where Xichen-xiong will accept the mantle of Sect Leader and Lan Wangji is prepared to stand beside him. As steady and sure as the elders of his sect expect him to be. It is fortunate then that the elders cannot see the times he simmers with quiet rage. That the only person who knows the depths of Wangji’s feelings, his lingering resentment and confusion towards his sect for their treatment of his mother, is his brother who feels it just as strongly. Yet still, he maintains his composure. The white walls and the quiet misty mornings of his home are his comfort and his castle.
It is decidedly less fortunate when the guest disciples arrive in the Cloud Recesses and Wangji meets the loudest, most annoying, most insufferable person to ever cross the barrier of his quiet mountain. In one day, Wei Wuxian has compelled him to break rules, to stand on rooftops, to pull out his sword in his own home under cover of darkness. Worst of all is that Wei Wuxian seemed to enjoy it.
“If I give you a bottle of Emperor’s Smile, will you pretend you never saw me?” His words dripping with dishonesty and easy mirth. As they fight, Wangji feels energy zip through his body, his heart beating fast at the clash of blades. Indignant and furious, and exhilarated at the challenge of it all. He feels unmoored and Wangji can’t make sense of most of it, so he doesn’t. He drags a silenced Wei Wuxian before his Uncle and his brother and as childish as it may seem, is glad to hand off this problem to his family.
He expects that to be the end. For Wei Wuxian to keep his distance after having experienced his displeasure first-hand. But the next morning, before Uncle walks in to begin their first lesson he hears “Ji-xiong! Ji-xiong! Look over here!” in that same cheerful, too-loud voice and feels irritation begin to pool in his chest.
Lan Wangji stops in his stride to look at the waving disciple, taking perhaps longer than necessary to level his most intimidating glare at the tall figure. To his dismay, his glare does not have its usual effect. If anything it has precisely the opposite effect as Wei Wuxian simply strides closer and just, well, beams at him. Grins with all of his teeth as if Lan Wangji had hung the moon for him instead of just allowing him to approach.
“Ji-xiong really is as diligent as they say! Did you arrive here first? Before any other disciple? Truly a representation of Gusu-Lan!” Wei Wuxian smiles, no doubt waiting for a response.
Wangji remains silent. After a moment, Wei Wuxian scratches his nose and leans in conspiratorially. His voice is quieter but no less lively as he mock-whispers, “You know Second Master Lan, sparing yesterday was such fun! I truly am sorry about breaking your precious rules! Honest!” He brings three fingers to his temple in salute. He continues,
“You know I didn't know Lan disciples were taught to fight so well, actually I -”
Wei Wuxian cuts himself off the moment Uncle walks into the classroom and Wangji experiences a surge of filial gratitude. Immediately disengaging himself from this conversation and sitting at his designated table. He thinks about the white walls of his home, the soft morning mist lingering in the air, and he tries not to think about the way the dawn seems to shine brighter this morning.
...
Wei Wuxian acknowledges he may have taken things too far this time. He’s been at the Cloud Recesses for almost three months and in that time, he’s enjoyed getting under the Second Jade’s unflappable skin. There was the time where he slipped some spice into his morning congee, and the paperman tugging on his robes during class, and that talisman that made Lan Zhan slightly ticklish. But, well, there have been good times too. He got Lan Zhan to giggle with that tickling talisman and Wei Wuxian swears that he saw Lan Zhan smile at the rabbits he brought him in the window! Really, that fuddy-duddy needs to learn to enjoy life!
But it isn’t just the Second Jade! Wei Wuxian has made his way around the quiet mountain. He thinks about Lan Bingue in the kitchens who has finally surrendered to his begging to “please, please let me use the space after the kitchen is closed!” He thinks of the guard at the main gates who he called “gege” his first day here, who now smiles when he calls him that during his early morning returns from Caiyi Town after a night spent drinking just a bit too much. He thinks of the elder brother Lan who looks at him with quiet amusement whenever he bids him a greeting in passing. Is it Wei Wuxian’s fault that Old Man Lan has it out for him? That he assigns him endless copying in the presence of his ever stoic nephew?
Wei Wuxian won’t apologize for the porn book. Firstly because it was hilarious , and secondly because the pursuit of knowledge is never shameful. If Lan Wangji is going to have a wife someday, he should know vaguely how things work between two people in the bedroom!
But.
But then shijie is walking up to him, having heard from their brother of his latest escapade, and levels him with that quietly-disappointed look of hers. Jiang Cheng turns an unhealthy shade of red in his anger at Wei Wuxian for having upset their sister, and he acknowledges that getting the Second Master to drink with him may have been a step too far.
And well, he hates that Lan Wangji was punished as well. He knows the way Lan Wangji looks up to his Uncle. He knows the Second Jade doesn't talk to many people, that his family is the most important.
And he gets it. He hadn’t realized how much he truly admires the Second Jade.
So when Lan Xichen finds him draped over his brother, muttering pathetic whimpers to his now-less-disappointed shijie, and tells him of the Cloud Recesses cold spring, he makes his decision to offer Lan Zhan his grandest apology.
...
Lan Wangji has had too many emotions for one day. To his horror, he woke up that morning in Wei Wuxian’s bed, disoriented and lacking memories from the previous night. Dragging Wei Wuxian to his Uncle once again, and reveling in his own failure to resist Wei Wuxian’s pranks, he flipped back his robes and kneeled beside Wei Wuxian for punishment. Lost in his thoughts, he bore the discipline ruler without flinching.
It would help if Wei Wuxian weren’t all that he was. If his teasing remarks weren’t minced with moments of sincerity. If the way he endeared himself to other disciples of Gusu-Lan were less, well, endearing. If he weren’t brilliant enough to actually defy Uncle with logic that made distressing sense. If every time Wei Wuxian pressed him for conversation on the pathways of Cloud Recesses, his Brother didn’t eye him with quiet happiness, eager for him to have a friend his age. If earlier he hadn’t brazened his way into punishment with the discipline ruler, all confidence and easy defiance, until Wangji had kneeled as well, pushing Wei Wuxian to cry and beg for the punishment to be borne all on himself instead.
Wei Wuxian. Stubborn, infuriating, intransigent, brilliant, and surprisingly self-sacrificing.
He’s in the cold springs, meditating, parsing his confusing thoughts when the subject of his turmoil waltzes into view.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian shouts.
Lan Wangji tenses, the muscles of his back going unbearably tight.
He meets Wei Wuxian’s silver eyes. “What are you doing here!?” he blurts.
Wei Wuxian grins back, “I already stripped, so what do you think I am doing here? Zewu-jun told me about this place! Honestly, Lan Zhan, why didn't you tell me you have a cold spring? An entire pool dedicated to cultivation.” He begins to swim around in earnest, splashing about, water clinging to his eyelashes and his raven hair. Lan Wangji quickly looks away, his ears burning.
“The cold springs are forbidden for outsiders,” he manages.
Wei Wuxian makes a thoughtful noise as he begins to wade deeper into the pool. His hum quickly turns into a wail as the cold no doubt freezes him out. “Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! It’s so cold! Ah! I bet it’s warmer where you are, you must know all about this place.” He tries to move closer to Wangji but the other boy jolts away.
“Come on Lan Zhan! We’re both men here. Besides, friends don’t let friends go cold!”
“Not friends. Stay away from me.”
“Aiya, Lan Zhan! Take pity on this poor disciple, it really is too cold here. Yungmeng weather is so warm and humid. It really is so lovely. Have you ever been to Yungmeng? You should let me take you there someday, the lotus blossoms are nearly as pretty as the girls! With your face Lan Zhan, you’d have absolutely no trouble getting – hey! Lan Zhan! Where are you going?”
“Shameless!” Lan Wangji begins to wade out of the spring. He’s stopped by warm fingers curling around his arm. Wei Wuxian is close now. Too close. He can see water dripping from the small hairs on his forehead, dribbling down his chin onto the sharp definition of his clavicle. Lan Wangji feels at war with himself, overwhelmed by a treacherous fire in his belly that burns with desire.
“Let go of me!” he all but yells. Suddenly needing to be anywhere but here.
Wei Wuxian doesn’t budge. Instead he plants his feet and gives Lan Wangji’s arm a small tug.
“Lan Zhan. Listen to me! I’m trying to - I was going to say that I am truly sorry.”
Lan Wangji freezes, his body paralyzed in confusion. He scrutinizes the other’s face.
“Do not say things you do not mean,” he bites.
Wei Wuxian blanches. “Lan Zhan.” He tightens his grip on Lan Wangji’s arm. “Lan Zhan, you must believe me! I am sorry. That was all my fault and you should have never taken punishment!” He lifts his other hand to scratch at his nose, lowering his head sheepishly.
“Lan Zhan, I really do admire you.”
Lan Wangji sucks in a breath through his teeth. Wei Wuxian continues without meeting his eyes, “I understand you and I aren’t well, friends. Yet!” He laughs quietly. “But I do want that. It’s...well, when we sparred, it was like, I had never matched with someone so well before! And Second Master Lan probably has many people lined up to be his friend, but ah…”
Wei Wuxian falters then. His head still bowed and fingers still clasped around Lan Wangji’s hands.
Lan Wangji feels like he may never unfreeze his body from this spot. His mind is caught in a loop because Wei Wuxian admires him. Wei Wuxian admires him? Wei Wuxian admires him? Wei Wuxian who befriends everyone he meets, who has an answer for every question, who fights and twirls like the air was meant to hold him, admires him.
“I apologize Lan Wangji. On my honor, I will not seek to bother you any further. ”
And then Wei Wuxian is releasing his hand and walking away. And the small, treacherous, part of him that wants , takes control of his mouth.
“Not a bother.”
Wei Wuxian snaps his head back around. Mouth agape and eyes blown wide by surprise. Lan Wangji promptly regains his awareness and wades out of the spring, dressing quickly before heading out of sight of the pool.
This time, there is no too-loud voice calling after him.
...
“Shijie, I have a question.”
His beloved sister looks up at him, taking in his fidgeting hands and his furrowed brow.
“Yes, A-Xian?”
He swallows. He feels something small and terrifying building inside him.
“Why would someone like another person?”