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“I mean, do we really want to bother the guy? It’s been a while, Sam, maybe he doesn’t want us to…”
“Dean.”
Dean swallowed the rest of his protests. He knew, by the way Sam was looking at him that he wasn’t going to sneak out of this one.
He’d tried. After Sam got to Heaven, they spent a good deal of time (he couldn’t tell how much exactly) visiting friends and family. Sam and John had a lot of things to talk about, and of course, Mary had insisted on cooking for all of them, for like five nights in a row. Ellen, Jo and Ash had reestablished the Roadhouse and many dead hunters seemed to hung out there. Pamela insisted on throwing them a party that went on for what felt like an entire week. They even ran into Garth and were saddened to learn he’d died.
“It was the funniest thing. I just slipped and fell. I had no idea the new banisters had silver, but now it makes sense why the twins never wanted to touch them.” He laughed and raised a beer for them. “I had to spend some time in Purgatory, but it turns out now it’s an actual Purgatory, so eventually your soul gets cleansed and you ascend. Now I’m making it all nice for when Bess gets here. It’s good to see you, guys.”
That could only go on for so long, really, and Dean knew it was only a matter of time until Sam suggested they went looking for Cas.
“He must be really busy,” Dean had tried to argue. “What, with running heaven and all of that… I mean, we’ve been here a while and he hasn’t come to see us, so maybe…”
“Dean,” Sam had interrupted him. “We have to go see him. After everything we’ve been through together? After what he did for you?”
Dean wished he hadn’t told him. Of course Sam was going to make a big deal out of it.
“I don’t even know what I’m going to tell him,” Dean had protested.
“Just… clear the air with him,” Sam told him. “Tell him the truth.”
The truth, yeah. He said that like it was easy. Dean had struggled with “the truth” his entire life and he was supposed to learn how to deal with it now that he was dead? That just didn’t seem fair at all.
Asking for directions in Heaven was a strange experience. They Axis Mundis didn’t have secondary roads or clear geographical markings. One just had to “follow a feeling”, so to speak.
A very nice angel who apparently liked having a gas station by the side of the road (not that cars ever needed gas, but the snacks they sold were pretty good) gave them directions for how to get there.
“Look for a beautiful mansion next to a shimmering lake, and you’ll find him. If you get to Eden, you’ve gone too far.”
“Thank you,” Sam told her.
“Safe travels!” the angel replied, waving her hand at them.
It was weird. Dean had spent so many years on the receiving end of angels’ irritation, wrath and murderous intents that he didn’t really know how to deal with these nice, happy, helpful angels. They mostly kept to themselves, but when a soul needed something in particular, they could pray and an angel would appear to help them out.
Not Castiel, though. Since he was technically God’s dad now, Dean guessed he could do whatever he wanted. And that “whatever” didn’t include them, but it definitely included a three-story house at the edge of a lake so big it looked a bit more like a sea.
Dean whistled, impressed.
“Cas is living large, huh?”
“Yeah, he did well for himself,” Sam answered. He reached for the door handle, but stopped short of opening the door when Dean called his name.
“I know we already came all the way here, but I don’t know if I’m really…”
“Dean, you can’t avoid this forever.”
“You don’t know that. Forever is a long time.”
“Well, I’m not going to let you,” Sam stated. “So, unless you want to avoid me forever too…”
Damn the kid and his logic.
The mansion didn’t have a fence around it or a doorbell, but they must have known they were coming, because the door opened wide and…
Well, that was not the angel they were expecting to see.
“Brochachos!” Gabriel exclaimed, opening his arms. He was wearing sunglasses and a bathing suit and had a champagne bottle and flutes on each hand. “About fucking time!”
He shoved the flutes into their hands, uncorked the bottle and poured the champagne to the brim, all without shutting up.
“You know, a guy could be offended! After all the adventures we lived together, you can’t even come to say hi? No, I get it, I get it: there’s a lot of people you had to see first and whatnot. Come on in, come on!”
“Gabriel,” Sam said when he could get a word in edgeways. “You’re…”
“Alive? Yeah, lots of us are!” Gabriel said, as he guided them through the elegant living room towards a glass door that opened on a small dock. “Jack’s been getting us out of the Empty one by one; I’m not sure what kind of agreement he reached with Them, so don’t ask me. I stay out of politics these days, because damn if I didn’t have enough of that for several lifetimes. All I know is the system works and… you remember Hannah and Samandriel, right?”
Samandriel stood up from the deck chair where he was sitting and smiled at them.
“Hello again.”
Apparently, Gabriel was the only uninhibited enough, because the other angels had their standard grey and white suits on. Hannah’s greeting was a lot less warm. She just shook their hands quickly, because they all knew the brothers weren’t there for her.
Castiel stood at the end of the dock. The light breeze moved his signature trench coat and messy dark hair. His face lit up when he turned around to see them.
“Sam,” he said, walking up to them. “Dean.”
“Hello, Cas.”
Sam was the first one to move. He took a step forwards with open arms and Castiel immediately embraced him, holding unto him tightly. Despite being in Heaven, he still wore Jimmy Novak’s visage, the one they had met him in, the one they were used to seeing.
That was good. Dean didn’t know what he would do or think if he had changed too much. He was already struggling to think of what to say when Cas turned to him and hugged him too, his arms around his shoulders like he was afraid Dean would push him away.
He could never do that.
He didn’t have time to prove it before Cas stepped back and smiled at them both.
“It’s good to see you, boys.”
“Aw, I’m going to cry!” Gabriel said, wiping a fake tear from his eye. “Hey, how about you all come inside and I make you margaritas? Nobody has to get drunk if they don’t want to!”
He didn’t wait for an answer as he headed inside. Hannah and Samandriel followed him. Dean took a step to do the same, but Sam looked at him over his shoulder, with his eyebrows raised high and he understood exactly the hell he was going to get if he didn’t get over himself right at this moment.
Well, there went nothing.
“Hey, Cas.”
Castiel stopped near the door and turned to look at him, tilting his head the way he did when he was curious or confused. Dean took a deep breath.
“This lake is pretty nice,” he said. “Want to… take a walk around it with me?”
Castiel turned to look at Gabriel and the archangel shrugged.
“You go ahead. I’ll save you some margaritas,” he promised.
“Very well.” Castiel retreated and stood in front of Dean, beaming at him again. “Let’s take a walk.”
“Drink up, Samuel!” Gabriel said, putting a glass on Sam’s hand and clinking it with his own. They sat on the kitchen around a very elegant countertop. “Tell us what you’ve been up to!”
“Well, I got married to a girl named Eileen…”
“Eileen Leahy, yes!” Gabriel said. “Hell of a chick, we’ve heard lots about her!”
“Yeah, she is… she is great,” Sam said, with a chuckle. “We had a kid. And I tried to… you know, raise him right. Not in the life. But he is really smart. One day he found my dad’s journal and I had to tell him the truth.”
“That must’ve freaked him out.”
“Not as much as I was expecting. He mostly said that a lot of things made sense now.” Sam chuckled and sipped from his margarita. “So, what about you, guys?”
“Well, the Lord… I mean, Jack,” Hannah corrected herself with a sigh, as if she was never going to get used to that. “As you see, He’s done some changes to Heaven and brought a lot of us out of the Empty, but that’s not the only thing he’s changed.”
“Yes, we heard about Purgatory.”
“Well, not just that. He’s trying to save the monsters and demons in the Empty, too,” Samandriel added. “He’s created this system where he cleanses their souls and sends them back to Earth to live again as humans. If they’re virtuous enough, they might end here. If not… well, they go to Purgatory or to Hell, and if they die there, they go to the Empty again and the cycle repeats until they get it right.”
“Really?” Sam asked. He couldn’t help the sense of pride that swelled in his chest.
“Yeah, kid watched a lot of The Good Place and got inspired,” Gabriel said. “He’s also big on free will, so he lets us stay here and help or if we want, we can go downstairs and do good deeds. Or just party. That’s what Balthazar’s been doing, mostly. Michael too. The second he was out of the Empty, he came here to pick up the Milligan boy and they both booked it back to Earth to enjoy its infinite pleasures.”
“I see.” Sam smiled to himself. He and Dean had wondered if Adam would want to even see them, if they ever found him. But Heaven was big enough that anyone that didn’t want to be found couldn’t be. Sam pensively moved his fingers along the edge of his glass, rubbing the salt between his fingers. “And Cas?”
The three angels felt silent and exchanged quick looks between them.
“He’s been doing fine,” Samandriel said, a little too fast for Sam to believe it.
“He’s the Lord… Jack’s second in command, so he’s been the busiest of all of us,” Hannah pointed out. “It’s nothing personal that he never let you and your brother know he was alive again.”
Sam just stared at her while Gabriel rubbed his temples.
“Subtlety, Hannah. We’ve talked about this.”
“Sorry,” Hannah mumbled, lowering her eyes.
“What? What’s the problem?” Sam asked, looking at each one of them.
Gabriel groaned. Despite all the time that had passed, it seemed like he still hated any sort of serious conversation.
“Cas kept tabs on you, but he decided to not let you know he was alive for your own sake,” he explained. “He just didn’t want you to have any sort of reminder of your old life. And then you died and you and Dean didn’t come to see him, so he thought the two of you had some kind of problem with him.”
“What? No, of course not!” Sam assured him. “We didn’t come sooner because… well, Dean had some things to grapple with.”
The angels didn’t comment anything about it.
“I see,” Gabriel said in the end. He put the mint leaf in his mouth and craned his neck to look through the glass door. “Boy, they’ve been gone for a while, huh?”
“Yeah,” Samandriel said, turning around. “They must have a lot of things to… talk about.”
“Apparently,” Hannah agreed. An awkward silence fell between them before she said: “Okay, is anybody going to…?”
“I’m on it!” Gabriel replied. He snapped his fingers and a cellphone appeared in his hand.
“Who are you texting?” Sam asked, frowning.
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, Sammy,” Gabriel told him, as he pressed send button and turned back to him with a smile. “Have another margarita.”
They walked in silence for a while, Cas with his hands on the pockets of his trench coat. The lake with its calm waters seemed to extend and extend, but Dean knew it couldn’t be infinite.
He was going to need to start talking sooner or later.
And Sam was right. He’d been stalling for a while.
He just didn’t know where to begin.
“So… this is a nice place,” he started.
“Yes. I like it. It’s peaceful,” Castiel replied with his usual bluntness.
“Yeah… hey, remember when it was the Apocalypse and I had this dream that I was fishing and you were there…?”
Cas just stared at him, and dammit, could he maybe not do that? Dean was having a hard enough time as it was.
“This… just reminds of that,” he explained, clumsily. “Did you build it or…?”
“No. Gabriel created the lake and the house. I think it was to celebrate Marilyn Monroe’s birthday, but he liked them, so he kept them,” Castiel explained. “I live on a hill on the woods over there, on the edge of Eden. We have a full view of the galaxy at night.”
“That sounds pretty.”
“It is.”
They kept walking, their shoes sinking on the sand, the lake’s waters licking at the small beach. Dean swallowed.
“So…”
“You and Sam could come visit,” Castiel said at the same time. “If you’d like.”
“Yeah.” Dean scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, that would be… would be cool.”
They stopped walking. Not for any reason in particular. In fact, Dean stopped walking, because if they kept going, they would end up back at the house and he wouldn’t have said what he’d come here to say. Cas took a couple more steps before he realized Dean wasn’t at his side. He turned around to look at him.
“Listen, Cas…”
“I’d like to apologize,” Castiel started out.
That froze Dean in place.
“For what?”
“Not letting you know I was fine,” Castiel said. “After Jack took me out of the Empty, I thought about it and… you and Sam were free from Heaven and Hell’s grand schemes, maybe for the first time in your lives. I didn’t want to disrupt that. And you seemed happy. So, I kept my distance. I’m very sorry if my actions caused you any grief.”
“No, Cas, I…” Dean shook his head. He was floored that Cas thought he had another obligation to them, after everything… “I mean, when I got here and Bobby told me you were around, I… I didn’t exactly come running to find you.”
Not for the first time, Castiel’s smile had a tint of sadness to it.
“No. You didn’t.”
And now Dean felt awful. Even more so.
“Okay, listen, I was…”
“You were waiting for Sam,” Cas interrupted him. “I understand.”
Dean really hated that Cas could see through him that easily.
“Yeah. I was,” he admitted. He took a deep breath. “I also knew that if we saw each other again, we would have to address the last time… I mean, what you said…”
“Right.” Cas nodded. “We don’t have to do that, if you don’t want to.”
“No, no, we have to,” Dean insisted. “To… clear the air, I guess.”
Cas breathed in deeply. Dean didn’t think he’d live to see the day —well, he hadn’t, technically— where he would see the angel getting this uncomfortable, but there they were.
“I meant what I said, Dean,” he started. “Every word. You were… so important to me. And I did love you.”
Dean swallowed.
“I know,” he admitted. “I knew. I mean, a part of me knew there was a reason you stuck around for so long, but I just… I didn’t want to think about it. What it meant for you and me and… what I owed to you…”
“You owed me nothing.”
“No, but I did,” Dean insisted. “You were wrong. The sun didn’t shine out of my ass. I was a total jerk to all the people who were important to me. Sam, Jack… hell, I even gave my mom some shit she didn’t deserve.” He stopped for a second to take in a deep breath. “And I was a jerk to you.”
Cas hummed.
“Yes, I suppose you were.”
“Yeah, I really could be….”
“On more than one occasion.”
“Yes, true…”
“Sometimes for reasons that were beyond my control or weren’t my fault.”
“Yeah, I get that now, Cas.”
“But… I forgive you,” Castiel concluded.
“Thanks.” Dean rubbed at his eyes. This was really harder than he was expecting it to be, and he had avoided it for decades because he was sure it would be horribly hard already. “And thank you for seeing the best of me. Even when I didn’t always show it to you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Dean laughed. Man, he had missed that. Cas’ bluntness, his honesty… he didn’t see the need to pretend or to lie, like humans did. He had always been exactly what he’d shown to the world.
And because of that, Dean owed him the truth.
“I guess I have to answer to… the other thing now.”
“No need,” Castiel assured him. “Forty years of silence is an answer, Dean.”
“Well, I mean… was it really forty years? Time here is all wonky and…” He stopped talking when Cas just crooked an eyebrow at him. This was where all his excuses came to die. “Right. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be. I didn’t tell you because I wanted an answer. I always knew I wasn’t going to be as important to you as Sam or Mary were. I never expected you to love me back.”
“Yeah, well… I’m still sorry,” Dean insisted. “Because you were my family and I did owe you better. Even if I couldn’t give you what you wanted from me, you know? Even if I could never… reciprocate.”
There it was.
He didn’t know what he was expecting. For Castiel to start berating him or tell him he needed to leave and he didn’t want to see him again.
But of course, Castiel was always bigger than that.
“I’d never blame you for that. My feelings were my own. And like I said, I wasn’t expecting an answer at all.” He made a pause and smiled. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Yeah… permanent death puts a lot of things in perspective,” Dean pointed out. He still felt incredibly awkward, but at the same time… relieved. Sam was right. Honesty really did help. “We’re okay, right? Because I did miss you, man.”
Castiel let out a chuckle, something Dean wasn’t expecting to hear.
“Yes. Yes, we’re okay.”
“Okay. Awesome.” Dean breathed out. “Let’s never have another of these touchy-feely talks again.”
“Yes, I would prefer it if we didn’t.”
Dean laughed and swung his arm to place it around Cas’ shoulders.
It felt so good to have his best friend back.
“Hey, Garth told us about the Purgatory thing… do you think it’s possible we can get Benny up here?” he asked as they started making their way back to Marilyn Monroe’s mansion.
“Well, since he died in Purgatory, his soul is in the Empty. I’m sure Jack will eventually find him and help him reincarnate.”
“Dude. It’s Benny. We’ll put a good word in with Jack and he’ll just let him get here for sure.”
“I don’t know about that…”
“You’re telling me he never lets anyone skip the queue?” Dean insisted as they approached the dock.
“Well…”
“You boys are all chummy again, huh?”
That wasn’t a voice Dean was expecting to hear.
But he looked up and sure enough. She was there, standing by the dock, with her arms crossed and her eyebrow crooked. She wore the same leather jacket, jeans and boots as the last time he’d seen her, but her dark blonde hair, instead of being a bloody mess, fell on her shoulders in long curls.
“Meg!” Castiel said and Dean could’ve sworn there was a note of panic in his voice. The way he pushed Dean’s arm away and walked towards her, at least, was not that of a guy who was super calm about everything. “I thought you were… busy.”
“Oh, I was, but then Gabriel texted me and told me the Winchesters were visiting.” Meg’s smile was practically venomous. “I just had to come and say hi.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” Castiel said, grabbing her hand and leaning over to leave a peck on her cheek.
Meg glanced at him.
“You call that a greeting?” she protested, pawing at his tie and pulling him to give him a full kiss on the lips.
Dean blinked.
“I’m sorry, why are you here?” he asked, when they broke apart and Meg turned to him again. “You’re a demon.”
“Well, sort of.” Meg shrugged. “Jack needed someone to help him sort out the Empty demons, Cas suggested me for the job and long story short, they let me skip the queue.”
“Oh? Did they, now?” Dean asked, staring daggers at Castiel.
The angel pulled from the back of his shirt, nervously.
“Maybe we can get a good word in with Jack regarding Benny…”
“Hey, are you having a threesome over there?” Gabriel screamed at them from the dock. “You’re missing out on the most amazing sunset! Not to mention the best margaritas in the universe!”
“Ah, come on,” Meg sighed. “He’s not gonna shut up if we don’t.”
She didn’t let go of Cas’ hand as they climbed the steps to the deck. She could not have sent a clearer message if she had peed all around him.
Gabriel put a margarita glass the second Dean was close enough for him to do that. Sam was lounging on one of the chairs, laughing to himself as if he had just heard something very funny, though Dean doubted Hannah and Samandriel were the most hilarious of companies.
“How many of these did you have?” Dean asked him as he plopped next to him.
“Oh, so many.” Sam giggled. “They’re… they’re so good, Dean. Try it.”
Dean tasted his.
They were really good.
And also, Gabriel was right. The sunset was pretty spectacular over the trees.
At some point, someone put on music and Gabriel started singing and dancing around the deck. He pulled Samandriel to his feet and forced him into a deranged waltz with him, and though the angel’s face turned absolutely red, he ended up laughing along.
Cas and Meg sat on the edge, with their backs to them and their legs hanging from over the dock. Cas had his arm around Meg’s waist and she leaned her head against his shoulder, possessively.
There must have been something in the margaritas, because Sam just stared at the sky as the stars began lighting up, with his mouth and eyes agape.
Dean was feeling really good about himself. Even when Hannah stood around him awkwardly, clearing her throat several times.
“You need something?” Dean asked her after like the fifth time.
“Just… wanted to know if you and Castiel… patched up your differences,” she said.
Dean couldn’t think of how that was any of her business, but he didn’t want to ruin the good vibe in the air.
“Yeah, we’re cool.”
“Alright.” Hannah gulped down the rest of her margarita. “Just so you know, we prefer Meg.”
“Really? She’s a demon.”
“She makes Cas happy,” Hannah replied, with a shrug.
She didn’t have to clarify that the subtext of that sentence was that Dean had only made Cas miserable.
“Well, if it makes you feel better,” Dean said, “I think Cas prefers Meg, too.”
They weren’t outright making out, but Meg had left a kiss on Cas’ neck and he had turned to look at her with a soft smirk on his lips. Like she was the only thing that mattered in the whole, entire universe.
Dean was happy for him. He really was.
Sam grabbed at his arm.
“These are… look, they’re so pretty.”
“I know, Sammy.”
“That’s nothing,” Gabriel pointed out. “Meg and Cas can see the entire Milky Way from their cottage.”
We have a full view of the galaxy at night.
Oh. Oh.
“Yeah, it’s not too shabby,” Meg said, looking over her shoulder. “You guys want to come check it out? I can make some food. Well, manifest it, in any case.”
Dean wondered if it was possible that he died again from being poisoned or something.
“Can we go?” Sam asked, with his eyes shining bright. “Can we?”
“Yeah, sure, why not.” Dean shrugged. “You guys coming?”
“Eh, I’m all partied out,” Gabriel said. “Think I’ll go see what Norma Jean is up to.”
“And I should go back to Earth,” Hannah added. “There’s a woman who lost her child there that I’ve been trying to console.”
“I’ll come with you,” Samandriel decided.
So it was just the four of them. Almost like old, old times, Dean figured.
They didn’t have to walk or get to the car. Cas snapped his fingers and they appeared at the top of a hill, among a vast extension of trees. The cottage was small and surrounded by a small garden with a picket fence. Rose bushes grew all around it.
Sam paid no attention to any of that. He simply let himself fall down on the grass and stared up.
It was quite a fascinating view. Against the purple sky, the stars shone golden and silver, forming a colorful arch above them.
“You guys make yourselves comfortable,” Meg said, with a note of sarcasm, as Sam was already quite happy where he was. “I’ll get the food.”
Castiel followed her inside, without waiting for her to ask him.
After a few seconds of hesitation, Dean stepped on the porch to follow them as well. He wanted to tell them something, though he wasn’t sure what. That he was happy for them? Maybe Cas would care, but Meg had never been a fan of his. That they had his blessing? That would be condescending…
Before he could decide, though, their voices reached his ears.
“I don’t mind, Clarence,” Meg was saying. “If you want to… I don’t mind sharing.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Come on. Dean is here and… you know.”
There was a pause.
“Yes, we settled some things and I think we’re both better for it,” Castiel admitted. “But as I have told you many times in the past decades, I’ve let go of those feelings. And I’m happy to have found you again and picked up from where we left off.”
“Yeah.” Meg let out a sigh and then a laugh. “And I’m glad you realized the sun didn’t shine out of his ass after all.”
Castiel laughed and Dean realized he was smiling.
Maybe he didn’t need to say anything after all. He stepped back and knocked on the door to warn them before coming in.
“Hey, you need help with anything?”
“Well, since you offered so generously.” Meg put a platter with beers and a bowl of nachos and queso on his hands. “Take it away, Dean-o.”
“None of this is poisoned, right?”
“Haha, very funny.” Meg rolled her eyes as she followed him outside with another platter. “No, I couldn’t kill you again anyway.”
“Thank Jack for small mercies.”
“Don’t be cute, Winchester. That’s Cas’ job.”
Castiel merely chuckled as they all went outside again.
“Oh, nachos!” Sam exclaimed happily as Dean sat by his side.
“Hard to believe there’s enough food in Heaven to feed you.”
“Shut up and give me a beer.”
Dean was happy to oblige.
Castiel sat next to him on the grass, with Meg at his side. They locked hands over his lap. Dean passed him a beer too and Castiel smiled at him. There was no sadness in his face this time.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
Dean shrugged and turned his gaze up towards the stars.
All was right with the universe.