Chapter Text
I was sitting on the nook in the window. I had a blanket around me. It was around four in the morning. I was supposed to be sleeping but I never can. When I can I always end up waking up from a cruel nightmare.
I was reading a book. I never really enjoyed reading but it helped pass the time when I was not hanging out with Tommy. The moon was shining just bright enough for me to understand what words the little black letters were forming on the paper.
I looked across the current room that Tommy and I are staying in. We have been in the system for about six and a half years. This house happens to be one of the many that we have stayed in this year. Nothing was too special about this room.
Our social worker was supposed to pick us up any time now. Tommy and I were labeled as “problematic children.” Our current foster “parents” had gotten in way too many fights, some were just verbal, and others became violent.
I was tired but so was Tommy. I took it into my own hands to get us out of here and our social worker was supposed to pick us up any time now.
I took in the last few minutes I would be staying in this hell house. I quietly picked up any last items we had around our room. I tried to not make noise, but my pained body made me take harsh breath any time I over-did myself.
I scanned our small bedroom, passing the door to the closet that held the few clothes that Tommy and I had, the bathroom door with a broken lock, then over more pieces of furniture that filled our room to find the alarm clock on the dresser. The time now read four twenty.
As if almost on queue I saw the lights in the hall flicker on and a stream of loud voices heading towards our room.
I quickly ran over to Tommy’s bed and tried to wake him up without too much commotion.
“Tommy…Tommy!” I said in a whisper yell. Tommy now starting to slowly wake up.
“What time is it? Are you ok?!?” -Tommy started with a groggy sleepy voice that immediately switched to worried as he became more aware.
I opened my mouth to speak but the door to our tiny, shared bedroom was thrown open. I naturally flinched and closed my eyes at the sudden action.
“Get up brats your social worker jenny will be here in five minutes.” Our foster “father” said tired and angry. He must have gotten a phone call they were on their way waking him up from his slumber.
~~~~~~~
Tommy and I were now standing on the front porch. It was raining but the moonlight still shinned bright. It was mesmerizing. The was that each water droplet sparkled as it fell.
I was ripped out of my thoughts when Tommy started talking to me…
“Finally, out of that hell hole!” Tommy said with his playful tone of voice.
Tommy seemed like he was a little happy to not be in this house anymore. They were loud, abusive, manipulative, aggressive, and so many more.
This year was the most Tommy and I had switched houses this year, but this one still was not the worst.
Our first house this year ended with police reports and Tommy and I hospitalized. Tommy must have realized I was back in my head because he began checking on me making small talk.
“Are you ok? Should I ask jenny if she should take us to the care center, your bruise still isn’t healed?” He stated while looking down to my stomach then trailing to my side under by my ribs obviously trying to acknowledge it worryingly.
“I’m fine trust me it is just taking a while to heal.” As I said that a small silver car pulled up in the driveway. The windshield wipers were still going as she got out of the still-running car to open the trunk, signaling us to put our stuff in it.
Tommy and I grabbed the two black trash bags that held our stuff in it and ran for the car. We proceeded to jump into the car as if the rain would make the two of us melt.
Jenny our social worker turned around with a disappointed look on her face. She made me anxious. I started to scratch at my hand. Ripping up a scab that was healing. It started to bleed ever so slightly, and I did not realize until Tommy grabbed my hand and put it in the pocket of my hoodie.
“Guys this is the seventh house this year and I don’t know how many more families I can contact on such short notice.” She started saying but I zoned out now more interested in my surroundings.
I looked over at Tommy, his hair was stuck to his face from the rain. He was wearing a red hoodie that was also wet. I looked back at our social worker- no jenny. Jenny. That was her name. She had her long golden-brown hair up in a messy bun. Usually, she had it down straight, but this must have been a little sudden, so she did not have time to get as prepared. Normally she would be wearing nice clothes.
I noticed Jenny had turned around and was now driving the car out of the neighborhood to her office. I zoned in only to hear about “the group home” or “problematic kids” but decided I did not want to listen anymore, so I just looked out the window and watch the beautiful setting that the night gives nature.
~~~~~~~
The car ride back was not that bad. I would maybe even say that it was peaceful. The silence was nice. There were no small little insignificant noises that would drive me crazy, it was relaxing, it was safe.
We arrived at Jenny’s office by the group home, and she parked the car in one of the front parking spots. The rain had died down so now it was at a drizzle. We all exited the car. Tommy and I grabbed our stuff in the trunk of her small silver car, which was now glistening in the dark from the moon.
She led us into her office. The lights were white but dull and the walls were a light grey. It was easy to the eye. There were basic chairs, plants, and paintings that lined the hall.
Eventually, we got to her office and she sat me and Tommy down in the 2 chairs that were against the wall. Tommy seemed to close his eyes and put lay his head back on the light grey walls. Seeing him like that made me realize how tired I actually was. I cannot remember the last time I slept peacefully. Most of the time I just stay up until I cannot bear to keep my eyes open any longer.
I knew I would not be able to fall asleep here, so I just closed my eyes and rested my head on Tommy’s shoulder and listened to Jenny make desperate phone calls.
~~~~~~~
“Kids I need you to wake up for me ok,” Jenny said with a gentle voice.
I lifted my head off Tommy’s shoulder and rubbed my eyes. Tommy seemed to also be waking up. Both of us now becoming more aware of our surroundings.
Jenny walked closer to us, she kneeled down and looked up at us from the chair. I flinched when she reached out to put her hand near us. She must have seen it because she retracted her hand and
“There is a man named Phil Watson who is going to come and meet you guys tomorrow. He has two other kids a little older than the two of you.” She said trying to be a little encouraging. Jenny continued with a sad look on her face, “This was very short notice so he cannot have you guys right now so you will be in the group home.”
The group homes always sucked. They were full of little kids that were loud and screamed a lot. Now since Tommy and I were older we do not have very much of a chance to get adopted anymore. No one wants two “problematic teenagers.” With that when we were thrown back into the group homes, we were usually the oldest there, with the slight occasion of one older one.
Tommy sat up and grabbed his trash bag of stuff then turned around and watched me as if jenny would try and do something to me. I looked at him and then scratched my arm up by my shoulder. He nods then starts talking playfully to jenny like he always would.
It was my way of telling him its fine.
We tend to do this when around other adults. We are all that each other has. We have learned to communicate without using words and instead of using things that look normal to others but mean things like stop, help, I want to leave, hurt, tired, etc. Sometimes it is easier for us to talk like that especially if we do not feel safe or do not want to verbally communicate.
I stand and grab my trash bag of stuff too then we all head for the door. Tommy still cracking jokes like normal.
“You guys are just so unbelievably short” Tommy started but I fired back- “No you just a freakishly tall human being if you even are one.” We all broke into laughter, but I abruptly stopped because of the painful jabs I got from my bruised body.
This is our last foster father’s fault. Man, he could hit hard. Tommy must have noticed because he distracted jenny more while I regained some of myself.
I was lost in my thought again as we walked out of the building. I saw the bright light that the moon emitted. It seeped throughout the parking lot. Reflecting off jenny’s tiny silver car. It was beautiful. I loved the night. The dark. The aroma. Everything about it just made me feel at a sense of ease.
We eventually got to the group home. It was getting close to 6 in the morning now. The house was quiet and peaceful, but we all knew that would not last long.
Jenny led us to our room that we always stayed in and she let us be.
It was just Tommy and me again. It always had been.
“I’m going back to sleep, please come try to sleep I know you haven’t properly slept in days,” he said while heading to the bed.
“You know I can’t,” I said.
“You don’t have to sleep for long just a little nap, think of it as getting ready for meeting this Phil guy and his fuck’n kids,” he said almost begging.
Reluctantly I agreed and headed for the bed.
I laid there turning every few seconds. My thoughts just kept going. It was a little while later and I finally drifted off into sleep.
~~~~~~~
I woke up abruptly and heard screaming. I saw the light from the hall turn on. I looked over at Tommy, but he looked sound asleep. I thought the screaming was from the kids in the home, but it sounded more aggressive and deeper. I flinched when it happened again but loud.
It sounded familiar and closer. I was scared. It was happening again. The tears started to build up in my eyes.
“Tommy?” I tried to say but it came out quiet and with uncertainty.
Before I knew it, the door flew open. It was him. He was back.
I screamed for Tommy to wake up, but he laid there lifeless. Did he hurt Tommy? Why wasn’t he waking up?
He was bigger, stronger, taller, and scarier than me. I could not make out wake he was shouting. But it was loud, and his mouth was moving with frustration.
I covered my head, eyes full of tears. Screaming for Tommy to wake up.
A large hand came down to my head and grabbed a hand full of my hair. He tugged hard. I was on the floor now frantically trying to get to Tommy.
I hard kick came and met me making me bottom out and spin. I was helpless. So useless. I could not even fight back.
I was now on my stomach trying to protect myself with my hands. I was now screaming begging for help. My tears engulfing me as if I could drown in them.
His hand met back with my hair and pulled me back up to look at him. It felt like my scalp was on fire. Like every hair was being pulled from my head. I met his eyes, they were cold, furious, terrifying.
I felt a hard hit on my face, then a cruel kick to my stomach. I could not breathe. I could not see. I was dizzy. The floor felt cold. My body was cold. The metallic odor now filling the room.
I only then realized his gigantic hand is on my throat. It was suffocating I was gasping for air. I saw as his other hand started at my clothes.
I couldn’t fight back. My own tears were drowning me. My body being used. Blood now surrounding me and him.
Red was everywhere. The shine of the two of us. His reflection in my blood as clear as glass.
I gave in, the air now leaving me, letting the dark submerge me. My lifeless body just laying there…
Light too much light. It was bright. I could breathe, quick and ragged breathes. Tommy was Infront of me.
It was cold, I was cold, I was shaking. Then I realized. Where is he?
“You’re ok, come here, it's ok,” Tommy said hugging me. “He’s not here, it is ok. It’s just a dream.” He continued.
I gave in to Tommy’s hug. We stayed like this for a while. I eventually gazed at the clock on the wall and decided we should get ready because we must meet another family today.
~~~~~~~
I was in the bathroom getting ready to meet this Phil guy and his kids. I was not excited. Phil sounds like a person who would be rude. And he had other kids. They were never a good sign.
I decided to change a take a shower to look somewhat decent. I pulled my clothes off, staring at the colorful dark bruise that went from my stomach to under my rib. Not the worst injury I have gotten before but it was definitely up there.
I grazed my scabbed hand over the sizeable mark on my body and flinched. This was going to take a while to heal. I hopped in the shower and continued my routine.
Once I was done with my shower, I did my hair and I put my clothes on, which consisted of another hoodie and my favorite jeans. I left the bathroom to find Tommy sitting on his bed wearing a red and white baseball tee and some tan pants.
We sat in our room and talked it was nice. Soon enough one of the ladies in the group home, Mandy came and got us. It was time, we were meeting another family. I turned to Tommy and scratched my head three times. He immediately understood and took his thumb and scratched his chin.
I told him I was worried, and he told me that he would talk first. Of course, this just looked like us being normal humans to any other person but to us, it was our way of speaking.
Mandy led us to one of the meeting rooms. I hated these rooms. They were set up so that our social worker jenny would sit on one side and the family would sit on the other, with two seats at each end. That is where Tommy and I must sit. I hated it. I felt like the spotlight was on you the entire time.
“Best behavior kids ok.” She said sternly and continued with more hope in her tone, “Who knows this could be a forever home!”
She opened the door revealing jenny sitting where she always does, the three men sitting at the family's always sits with her long brown hair straight down and a nice outfit on. The one in the middle looked older, he had blonde hair and was wearing a green and white bucket hat. The guy to the left of him was an exceptionally tall guy with fluffy brown hair in a yellow shirt and a red beanie. Then the last guy was also an incredibly tall guy with glasses and lengthy pink hair in a braid!
Man, they all looked a little intimidating. I assumed that the guy in the middle wearing green was the father Phil and the other two were his kids. Tommy and I looked at each other with uncertainty.
“Kids this is Phil and his two kids Wilbur and Techno!” Jenny stated with excitement pointing at each one.
“Techno? What kinda fuckin name is that?” Tommy said with his normal attitude making me join in-
“The bitch has pink hair!” I added pointing to the guy right of Phil.