Chapter Text
Prologue
Oh god no. This isn’t real. Can’t be real. Just can’t. Karma keeps on telling himself that over and over again, but it doesn’t change the facts. That he’s shorter than a chair, that all the colors are strangely dull, that the world is full of weird smells, that he has whiskers under his nose, four legs under his body and a tail that just keeps on swishing in distress no matter how he commands it to stay still.
He’s a cat. He’s a freaking cat and this can’t be real.
“Karma?” a voice says, and he bolts. He runs across the room dodging feet and furniture, smashes into something and there is a crash but he just keeps going, trying to get away even though he doesn’t know where or why or how…
“Alright now!” Hands grasp him and he yelps (it comes out as a “mrroww!”) as he is raised up from the floor. He squirms and tries to get free. “Hey now Karma, what is it?” the voice asks, and he pauses. Looks over his shoulder at the man holding him. Wait, is that…
Karasuma-sensei! Thank god I need help, I’m a cat!
“Mro-mrrowww-miaow-mew!”
“Aren’t you talkative today,” Karasuma says with a chuckle, sits down on a couch and places Karma on his lap. “Now, let’s sit here a moment and calm down a bit, ok?”
Karma’s tail is still swishing, but Karasuma’s fingers are rubbing just the right places behind his ears and under his chin and it actually feels really nice and maybe he should take it easy for a moment now and panic later. He plops down on Karasuma’s lap, relaxes, and doesn’t even realize it when he starts purring.
In another dimension Nagisa & co stare in confusion at Karma who appears to be trying to chase a squirrel up into a tree.
Gakushuu sits on the floor eyes closed. Alright. This situation is weird, but panicking won’t make it better – and in all probability this is all just a dream (from which he for some reason can’t wake himself). Now, thinking logically…
…okay, so. There is nothing logical about this. But…
“Hey, there you are,” a voice says. Gakushuu looks up and freezes. A young man who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father walks to him and bends over to pat his head. Gakushuu is so stunned he lets this happen, and the man crouches down, smiling.
Smiling. Smiling a normal, happy, kind smile that has no place whatsoever on what cannot be anything but his father’s face.
Now he knows he’s dreaming.
“Hello there, Gakushuu,” the man says in that tone you use with infants and pets, and Gakushuu freezes again, right when he was about to recover. His father (?!?!) keeps on petting his head, looking happier every second. “Oh, you’re such a good boy, aren’t…”
Gakushuu snaps out of it and sinks his teeth into the thumb in front of his nose.
He walks away tail whipping angrily from side to side, ignoring the man who stares sadly after him. So now I’m a good boy huh? I just needed to become a goddamn cat for that!
Gakuhou sits down on the couch planning to read for a while when he notices something.
“Why,” he asks, “are you lying on the floor?”
His son raises his head and blinks at him lazily. Then he sits up, stretches slowly, and bounces on the couch in one smooth movement.
“Wha?”
Gakushuu squirms a little and then snuggles up next to him, head on his lap.
“What are you doing?” He attempts to push the boy away, but Gakushuu just gives him a glance through slit eyes and bats at his hand to make him stop. The boy snuggles closer, curling up into a small ball, and Gakuhou can only blink.
He looks at the book in his hand. How to Understand Your Teenager. He’s doubtful whether it will be of help in this particular situation, but he sure does hope so.
…is his son purring???
Meanwhile, elsewhere: Nagisa & co are trying to chase Karma down through the mountain forest. Isogai has a phone in his hand. “So who should I call? Police? Hospital?”
“Call a shrink!” Nakamura yells.
Isogai calls Korosensei.
Chapter 1
The human-verse
(3-E group chat)
shiotanagisa: Emergency, come to classroom.
shiotanagisa: Someone bring tuna
harasumire: seriously? is that a typo or a joke
shiotanagisa: Neither! We’ll explain here. Karma’s in trouble.
harasumire: and you need tuna???
harasumire: I've got some.
nakamurario: here’s a joke. chat means cat in French
kataokamegu: what?
nakamurario: …you’ll get it.
“…no,” Karasuma is saying to Irina as they enter the mountain campus building, “I don’t know any details, just what the chat messages…” He stops in mid-sentence.
“What is going on here?” Irina says curiously. It looks like at least half of the class has gathered at the door of the teachers’ room, peering in while fervently whispering to each other.
“Excuse me,” Karasuma says, pushes people aside to get in – and pauses to take in the scene.
Nagisa is standing in the middle of the room, holding up a can of tuna as he speaks in a calm tone. “It’s ok, everything’s ok, please come down…” Karasuma follows his line of sight and blinks at Karma, who is perched on top of a cabinet, making hissing noises that seem to be directed toward Korosensei, who is crying in a corner.
How does this class still find ways to surprise him?
Kanzaki and Kayano are attempting to console the octopus. “I think you just startled him, carrying him here so abruptly,” Kanzaki says, patting his head. Kayano nods. “Or maybe you smell weird?”
“How rude!” Korosensei bawls. “I do not smell!”
Karasuma would like to inquire what the hell is going on here, but manages to get out only a confused “What?” and at that instant Karma’s eyes snap to him, and the boy leaps down from the cabinet, landing on top of him. Karasuma’s battle instincts take over and he rolls around, grasping Karma in a lock hold, but the boy squirms in his hands and… pushes his head gently against his side, making something that vaguely resembles purring noises.
Karasuma sits back on the floor, unable to do anything but stare at the boy who curls into a surprisingly small ball in his lap.
“So… cute!” Irina bends over his shoulder, making a cooing sound.
Korosensei shrieks. “Karasuma-senseiiii!” Yellow tentacles are flailing in a frenzy all around the room. “You’re doing it againnnn! Stealing my student’s love from me!”
“Listen here, you tentacle freak…” Karasuma jumps to his feet. Karma, falling from his lap, rolls on all fours and hisses.
“I’m disappointed in you, Karasuma-sensei! What kind of a perverted joke is this?!”
“I am not the one who is a pervert here!”
“Please calm down!” Nagisa can get a surprisingly loud voice out of his tiny frame, if need be. “You’re scaring him.”
Everyone turns to look at Karma who has backed into a corner, still hissing.
“Here, Korosensei.” Nagisa gives the tuna to his teacher. “Stop flailing around like that and try to offer this to him. Gently and quietly!”
Korosensei takes the can in one tentacle and pushes it toward the redhead, lying on the floor on his stomach to be on the same level, tears still pouring out of his tiny eyes. “Here, Karma, here, kitty kitty…”
Karasuma shakes his head. “What the hell.”
Gakuhou shakes his head. “What the hell.”
Gakushuu is sprawling in an armchair, in all appearance quite content with his life. The psychiatrist Gakuhou called to examine his son just left, having declared this the strangest case of clinical lycanthropy he’s ever heard of. Apparently normally the patient might behave in the manner of an animal, but not as wholly and systematically as Gakushuu, and even so, they would still also be able to communicate as humans. The boy’s cognitive functions really appear to be on the level of a cat – a very well-behaved and quite intelligent cat, mind you, but cat nevertheless. When the psychiatrist started talking of underlying causes (schizophrenia, psychotic depression, bipolar disorder…) Gakuhou thanked him firmly and sent him off.
He watches his son sit up on the chair. The boy licks the back of his own hand, then pauses to examine it, head tilted. Gakuhou sighs and walks to him.
“Listen,” he says seriously, crouching down next to the boy. “That is your hand. See?” He wiggles his fingers. “It’s similar to mine. A human hand. We do not lick our hands, understand?”
The boy looks at Gakuhou’s hand, then turns to examine his own. Then he gives a little shake of his head and bats softly at Gakuhou’s nose.
Gakuhou sighs again and sits on the couch next to his son who clambers to his lap. He pets awkwardly the strawberry blond head. “Asa…” He coughs. “Gakushuu. You’re not… depressed, are you? You can… talk to me, you know, if you… I mean, if there is anything that… that is, if I can somehow…”
The boy makes a content sound, yawns, and falls asleep.
As his son sleeps, Gakuhou thinks. The psychiatrist said he had never heard of anything like this, but he is just one man. Adept in his field, surely, but still just one ordinary man. Gakuhou would have to look into this matter himself. And… perhaps…
Perhaps, he thinks, looking down at his son who rolls sleepily over, making a mrowing sound, perhaps he is desperate enough he could accept help from someone who can read things through at Mach 20 and has memorized all Japan’s textbooks.
“Umm,” Nagisa says, watching Karma dip his hand into the tuna (held by a teary-eyed Korosensei) and then lick it, “we’re feeding him. So… should we get him like… a big… sandbox or something?”
There is a moment’s awkward silence.
“I think,” Fuwa says then, “that for the sake of everyone’s sanity, and to try to maintain whatever little dignity we can here… it might be best if we ignore the existence of certain bodily functions in this fic.”
“Fic?” Kayano ponders, while Nagisa exclaims, “Ignore? We can’t just ignore…”
“Hush.” Fuwa raises a finger to her lips. “Hush now, Nagisa.”
“But…”
“Shhh.”
“…”
At that moment, Korosensei’s phone rings.
Half an hour later Gakuhou watches Korosensei land on the yard of his home, carrying a freaked-out Akabane Karma as well as the blue-haired boy, Shiota Nagisa, who is desperately trying to calm the redhead down. As soon as they land, Karma breaks away and rushes to Karasuma, who arrived there by car a moment earlier.
“Well,” says Gakuhou in a thoughtful voice, watching the scene with interest. “It really does appear that the situation is the same.” He greets Korosensei and nods at Nagisa, who returns the greeting rather nervously.
They enter the house and are barely inside when Karma sprints off on all fours to explore the place.
“Karma, get back here!” Karasuma calls, but to no avail. Gakuhou flinches inwardly at the crash he hears.
“Oh, sorry sir!” Nagisa breaths and runs after Karma.
Gakuhou hurries after them, followed by Karasuma and Korosensei. Luckily there are no further crashes. They reach the boys in the living room, where Nagisa has paused by the doorway. Karma has entered the room but stopped as well, staring intently at Gakushuu who is crouching on the couch, returning the stare.
Then Gakushuu jumps off the couch, Karma rushes to meet him with a loud yowl, and suddenly there are two boys sprinting around the room, chasing each other.
“Gakushuu!” Gakuhou exclaims, appalled. “Stop it!”
“Calm down, Karma!” Nagisa tries as well, but it has no effect.
Then, suddenly, the boys stop. Gakushuu rolls down straight from run, sprawling on his back on the carpet. Karma launches himself on top of him and they roll over, ending up in one ball, Gakushuu’s head on Karma’s shoulder, their feet entangled. Then Karma shifts a little and licks a long stripe from Gakushuu’s cheek to his hairline.
Gakuhou flips.
Nagisa stands in the corner of the room, trying to be as invisible as he possibly can, while the principal rages on.
“Did you see that?! Did you see?! I will not suffer that creature near my son! If-if-if they’re cats, Gakushuu is pure-bred with pedigree while that delinquent is some mangy stray, and this is utterly unacceptable!”
“This is hardly the greatest issue here,” Karasuma says. Nagisa can see how he is forcing himself to be calm. “The point is that they behave like cats. This is perfectly in character. We need to…”
Suddenly Nagisa realizes that Korosensei isn’t in the room. He hesitates a moment and slips then out too. It might be a good idea to check what the octopus is up to – and also try to find the cats. Boys. Cat boys. Who fled the room when the principal burst into his fit of rage.
Nagisa tiptoes upstairs and finds the two cuddling on a bed, looking as content as only happy cats possibly can. Korosensei is there as well, cooing – and snapping pictures. “Oh, you two kitties, you are so adorable, yes you are…”
Nagisa opens his mouth to say something, but then he feels a shadow in the doorway behind his back, and he steps aside with a swallow. Korosensei feels it too and freezes, glancing over his shoulder with huge sweatdrops on his face. Whatever he sees – Nagisa isn’t looking – makes him yelp.
“Oh, sir, I just, they’re just, aren’t they so, umm, so adorable, and I, you, we, can’t we…”
The principal reaches out his hand. “Give me that.”
A shaking tentacle gives him the camera, and he removes every photo from its memory.
The man gives a look at the boys on the bed. They return the look with very catlike, lazy stares, and he heaves out a sigh.
“Come,” he says to Korosensei, tone completely flat. “We need to discuss this.”
They go and leave Nagisa alone with the cat boys. He licks his lips nervously.
This is a stupid idea. A little cruel too. Would a good friend really take advantage of a situation like this?
…and is it really worth risking imminent death?
The two snuggle a little, Karma’s head on Gakushuu’s lap and vice versa, and it really is sort of adorable. Nagisa glances nervously over his shoulder and takes out his phone. He snaps one single picture and pushes the phone back to his pocket, heart beating fast.
There. After all the photos Karma has of him, he’s entitled to get at least one good blackmail pic as well.
The cat-verse
Gakushuu is lounging in a sunny spot on the floor, thinking. This situation is clearly impossible, but that isn’t stopping it from being reality. Or, to be more exact, two other possibilities do exist: a) this is a dream, b) he is crazy. In the case of either of those being true, nothing he does would matter… so the only sensible thing is to choose option c – this is real – and proceed from that.
Which is all fine and good. Proceed exactly how?
He rolls over, stretching luxuriously. Despite everything, it really is lovely to lie in the sun. So relaxing. His eyes close and he yawns. He could nap a little, perhaps. What’s the hurry… no.
Gakushuu sits up, shaking his head. This isn’t the time to be sleeping. What on earth, he ponders in annoyance, had possessed this version of his father to get a cat, of all possible animals? Cats sleep on average 15 hours every day – he can’t think of a more unsuitable pet for someone whose schedule allows for a grand total of two hours of nightly sleep.
Though he has to admit it, this younger version of his father seems to have a healthier lifestyle.
That is one difference. What else has he found out? Well, for one thing, that he hasn’t only suddenly become a cat, but he has also travelled some ten years into the past – which doesn’t add up. His father should not be quite as young as he is. Heck, Gakushuu himself should already exist. There are other differences too: for one thing, the president of United States at the time should have been Bush, but instead there was some guy he has never heard of talking in the news under that title.
So, another timeline? Different dimension? Alternate universe?
Gakushuu plops down again without even noticing it. None of this makes any sense. Maybe he could take a little nap, perhaps his brain would work better after it…
“Gakushuu?” a quiet, hopeful voice says, and he opens his eyes slightly, annoyed. His father, if that’s who this man is, comes to him carrying a small box. He reaches out with his hand toward Gakushuu’s head, smiling tentatively. Gakushuu hisses, and the smile dies a sad death. Now, here is yet another thing that is different. His father would never act like this. Never show his emotions so openly. The hurt in his eyes almost makes Gakushuu feel bad for this guy. Almost. He is not going to allow himself to be petted just for that, especially not by his father.
The man bravely resurrects the smile and puts it back on his face. “Look, you got another package in mail!”
Gakushuu blinks. He is a cat. Why is he getting mail?
The man sits on the floor next to him and starts opening the package. Gakushuu watches with mild interest, despite himself.
“Oh, it’s more cat toys.” The man sighs. “I know these don’t interest you… oh, this one looks sort of fun!” He picks something out of the box and starts fiddling with it. Then he places it on the floor: a ball that has a snare with feathers attached to it. It starts rolling across the floor with irregular movements, turning abruptly here and there, and Gakushuu presumes an average cat might find it fun.
Whatever he is, he isn’t average.
He gives his father a look, and the smile dies away once again. The man catches the ball and turns it off. “Oh well,” he mutters. “I guess I’ll just give this one to Karma too.”
Gakushuu, who was about to settle down again (doing his best to ignore the empty cardboard box which looks peculiarly tempting) bolts up. “Meow?!” Karma? That Karma? Akabane? Could it be? Is he here? Is he a cat too?
His father smiles down at him. “Oh, that got your attention, didn’t it? Would you like to see Karma, Gakushuu?”
Would he? Would he?! Gakushuu wouldn’t have thought that the idea of meeting Akabane Karma would ever make him this ecstatic, but it does, and he lets his father’s lookalike know this, loudly.
…if, he reminds himself as the man heads to make a phone call, laughing, if this really is that Karma. It could be a coincidence. How likely is it that they both would have ended up like this? On the other hand, how likely is it that this young guy who somehow is his father would happen to know some random cat by that same name? Gakushuu follows him anxiously and listens in to the call. A ‘playdate’ with Karma? He wishes he could snort, but whatever, at least he’ll get to see this other cat. He’ll find out the truth soon.
“Hey Karma, good news!” Karasuma-sensei says, and Karma pauses from his frantic exploration of the apartment – he’s been round it at least 30 times, but who knows, maybe he’ll find something new on the 31st. Some clue on how to make the world normal again. A sign that he hasn’t lost his mind. Or perhaps that he has? Karma isn’t even sure what he would prefer anymore. The knowledge of being nuts would make more sense than being a cat.
Karasuma is talking on about someone who called, but Karma isn’t really paying attention. Perhaps he should try to read the newspaper again. He didn’t get far on the first try before Karasuma collected it up from the floor where he had spread it. No, Karma doesn’t really know what exactly he’s expecting to find there – news about people turning into animals? – but he can’t think of anything else he could do.
“…and he’s bringing Gakushuu over in a couple of hours,” Karasuma finishes. It takes a moment for Karma’s distressed brain to process what he said.
…Gakushuu? Asano Gakushuu? Second Place Asano Gakushuu? For real?!
Karma’s apparently yowling all this aloud, and Karasuma strokes his head with a laugh. “Oh yes you’ve missed him, haven’t you, you big baby you,” the man coos, which is more than slightly disturbing from his stoic teacher. “But you have to wait, Gakuhou had some business he has to finish first, then you two can cuddle to your hearts’ content.”
Gakuhou… as in the principal? Karma falls silent as he tries to understand what is going on – and fails. Gakushuu is a cat, owned by his father, who is friends with Karasuma-sensei who owns him, and the two apparently are on first name basis, and…
…wait, what? Cuddle?
Suddenly Karma is slightly terrified of meeting this Gakushuu.
Even so, Karma spends the next couple of hours pacing frantically back and forth by the front door. At times Karasuma picks him up and sits down with him, but Karma cannot relax and stay in one place – and seriously, lying in his teacher’s lap being petted by him just feels more and more wrong the more he thinks of it (no matter how nice it is when Karasuma scratches behind his ears).
Then finally the doorbell rings, and a man steps in and places a cat carrier on the floor. “Hello, both of you,” he says, but the cat eyes peering at Karma from the carrier demand his attention.
Asano?! Asano Gakushuu? Karma is yowling, and he nearly gets palpitations when a cat voice replies him.
Akabane Karma? Is that you?
Yes! Karma rushes to the carrier and paws at it. The man opens its door, chuckling at his eagerness, and a cat’s head peeks out. Yes it’s me! Is that you, Second Place?!
Don’t call me that! the other cat growls at him, stepping out.
“Now, Gakushuu,” a voice admonishes him, “be nice to your boyfriend.”
Gakushuu freezes. Karma glances up with a scowl and freezes as well.
What did you say!? Gakushuu yowls.
Karma knows he should be objecting too, but he is too shaken.
The man standing there next to Karasuma-sensei is undoubtedly the principal. Too young, yes, but there’s no mistaking him. The man smiles down at him and Karma is terrified.
“Hey Karma, what’s up?” the man says, reaches out with his hands, and Karma bolts, rushing all the way to the bedroom to hide under the bed.
If that was a joke it wasn’t funny, Gakushuu informs the men coldly and follows Karma.
Gakuhou watches after the cats forlornly. “Do all cats hate me now?”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Tadaomi consoles him. “Karma’s just been very restless today, don’t worry about it.”
Was that your dad? Karma asks in a panicked tone when Gakushuu comes to him. Was that really the principal?!
Well… yes and no. Gakushuu wriggles as well under the bed and frowns at the dust bunnies. He is Asano Gakuhou, but a different person. For one thing, he seems… nicer. And he’s so young. They’re both, aren’t they?
What…? Oh. Karma thinks. Yeah, I guess Karasuma-sensei is younger too, it’s just not as obvious.
He’s probably about the right age, Gakushuu says. You have noticed we are in the past, haven’t you? Those two appear to be the same age here… which should be impossible.
What about this is NOT impossible!? Karma shrieks out.
Don’t shout, Gakushuu growls. And stop panicking! That’s not going to help.
Maybe not, but what will? You have any idea what’s going on?
No. Gakushuu sighs. I was in my room, studying, and then suddenly I was… this cat. What about you?
I was in the mountain forest with my classmates. We were…uh, doing stuff. One moment I was talking with Nagisa, and the next, well. You know. A cat.
Hmm. Gakushuu lowers his head on his front paws. So our circumstances were completely different. Did you notice anything weird?
No, nothing. Karma shakes his head. You know, I’ve been thinking… if we are here, what’s going on with our bodies, back home?
Gakushuu pauses. That… is a frightening thought. We need to get back as soon as possible.
Well, I agree on that, Karma growls, annoyed. But how?
Gakushuu… has no idea.
They lie side by side under the bed in gloomy silence. Karma is the one who starts fidgeting. He rolls over.
There has to be something we can do!
If you have any suggestions, I’ll listen, Gakushuu states glumly.
Karma rolls over again. Maybe if we could somehow get to use a computer, we could try to find some info.
How do you suggest we do that? And stop rolling like that, you get all dusty!
Hmm. Karma inspects his side. We just have to spy them, get their passwords, and some day when they’re not home… He starts grooming himself thoughtfully.
Even if we somehow manage to use a computer, then what? Do you imagine we can find help online?
Are you giving up already? I wouldn’t have thought you to have such loser mentality. Karma licks his paw and moves from it to groom the backside of Gakushuu’s head.
I just don’t… Gakushuu starts, closing his eyes for a moment. It really is a nice feeling to have… He freezes.
What the hell are you doing?!
Karma bounces away, smashing his head against the bottom of the bed. I’m sorry! I didn’t, I don’t, it’s… instincts! That’s all, cat instincts!
Try to control them in the future! Gakushuu growls. What are you, an animal?
Well, technically… Karma says, trying to rub his aching head.
Shut up! Just shut up!
Don’t yell at me, Second Place!
I told you not to call me that, you fluffy fleabag!
I call you what I want, little Kittyshuu!
“It’s just so… weird,” Gakuhou is fretting on, pacing back and forth in the living room, despite Tadaomi’s attempts to calm him down. “In the morning everything was fine! And then suddenly he doesn’t want to be in the same room with me. I’ve no idea what went wrong. Did I do something? Was his food gone bad? What happened?”
“Have you asked him?”
“I tried, but he just ignores me. I have no idea what happened!” He’s beginning to get so despaired it’s painful to watch, and Tadaomi would like to reassure him that everything is surely fine, but…
“It’s funny, though,” Tadaomi says thoughtfully. “Like I said, Karma’s been acting weird today too. I mean, he’s always restless, but not like this. It’s almost as if he were stressed about something.” He pauses to think of the way Gakushuu growled at Karma when arriving. “Did they have a fight?”
“When? They were fine last time we were here! You think they’ve been having some secret trysts behind our backs?” Gakuhou shakes his head, utterly confused. “I don’t know, is there something in the air that affects cats? Is the moon in a bad position or something?”
“Let’s go see them,” Tadaomi suggests. “You could ask him again.”
Gakuhou sighs but follows him.
They find the cats under Tadaomi’s bed, and from the sound of it, they might be fighting. Or at least… having an argument?
“Hey?” Tadaomi peeks under the bed. “What’s going on there?”
The cats fall silent. Then Gakushuu emerges, meowing indignantly.
“I think he’s complaining about the dust,” Gakuhou says.
“Well I’m sorry but I haven’t had time to vacuum…” Tadaomi falls silent. Is he defending himself to a cat?
Karma peeks out from under the bed too, meowing, and Gakushuu stops dead.
Gakuhou blinks as his cat turns to stare at him with wide eyes.
“Meow,” Gakushuu says, inquiringly.
“Well, yes, of course,” Gakuhou says.
The cat tilts his head curiously. “Meowww…”
“Surely you didn’t realize this only now,” Gakuhou says, sounding a little frustrated.
“What’s he saying? Realize what?” Tadaomi asks, feeling a bit left out.
“That I understand him.”
Gakushuu and Karma stare at each other. Then they both turn to Gakuhou and start meowing over each other.
“Hey, hey, calm down! What, Gakushuu, what are you, Karma please…”
Tadaomi picks up Karma who is trying to climb up Gakuhou’s leg. “Alright now,” he says, holding the cat in his arms. “One at a time!”
The cats fall silent. Then Gakushuu makes a weird sound, kind of like clearing his throat, and starts meowing much more calmly.
Gakuhou listens, frowning. He looks more confused by every second.
“…okay,” he cuts the cat off. “Wait.” He sits down on the floor. “So… you’re upset about something.”
He could swear Gakushuu rolls his eyes.
“Anyone can understand that much,” Karasuma says, and Karma lets out an agreeing yowl from his arms.
“I don’t really speak cat, you know!” Gakuhou exclaims, exasperated. “I just sort of understand overall impressions, and this… this is complicated.”
“Mrrowww!” Gakushuu yowls.
“Okay, okay! You’re upset! What are you upset with? Me?”
Gakushuu sits quietly on the floor, scowling in silence.
“Not me? Ok, good. But…”
Karma starts squirming, out of patience, and jumps to the floor. The cats meow at each other angrily. Gakushuu snaps at Karma, and Karma slashes at him, claws out.
“Karma!” Tadaomi reprimands him. He crouches down and pulls Karma farther away from Gakushuu. “What are you doing? Are you two really fighting? Lovers’ quarrel, huh?” He attempts to pat Gakushuu on the head, but this time it’s Gakushuu who slashes out with his claws.
“Ouch!” Tadaomi retracts his hand, wide-eyed.
The cats yowl at them in unison and run out of the room.
Gakuhou stares after them, stunned.
You didn’t need to scratch Karasuma-sensei! Karma growls at Gakushuu in the living room. He was just being nice, and it’s not like this were his fault!
Is that what you’re upset about? Gakushuu snarls back at him. What the hell is this boyfriend business anyway?
How should I know? Maybe these cats like each other?
Anything that has my name is not allowed to like anything that has your name! Gakushuu yowls, all the time more and more distraught. And why… why does my FATHER have a CAT that has MY NAME in the first place?!
Like I said, how should I know! …though I admit it is weird.
This isn’t weird, this is insanity! Gakushuu yowls.
Calm down! Karma snaps at him. What did you just say about panicking not helping? Listen, I have an idea.
Oh? And what would it be?
Instead of answering Karma runs off. Gakushuu finds him on Karasuma’s desk, pulling down a spiral notebook.
What are you doing?
Karma takes a pen in his mouth and jumps down. He paws the notebook open, tries to get a better hold of the pen with his teeth, and starts scrawling on the paper.
Gakushuu watches him struggle. Write in English, he says then. Easier than doing kanji.
Karma pauses and starts then again. With great effort he manages to scrawl a simple sentence that takes the whole page.
There.
Gakushuu would tsk if he just could. Give that here. He snatches the pen and tries to make the o rounder and the s twist the right way.
You’re just making it even harder to read!
Gakushuu would like to protest, but in truth he isn’t sure if he’s making it any better, either. Well. I guess this is a start. I’ll go to get them here.
Meanwhile, Tadaomi and Gakuhou are discussing a serious matter in the kitchen: the sexuality of their cats. For the first time ever, Gakuhou has been treating Tadaomi’s wound, clearly not knowing if he should be horrified or relieved that gentle Gakushuu for once scratched someone else than him. Still, as startling as that is, something else has left him even more shaken.
“Are you sure, though?” Tadaomi asks. “Maybe you misunderstood? You did say you don’t speak cat.”
Gakuhou shakes his head. “Gakushuu was clearly upset when I called Karma his boyfriend earlier. And now they both were denying it when you talked about lovers. I guess… they aren’t together anymore?” He sounds really sad about this.
“But why?” Tadaomi asks.
Gakuhou shakes his head again. “I just don’t get it,” he frets. “The way they reacted, it almost seems like they don’t even… can cats change their sexuality? Maybe they aren’t gay anymore?”
Tadaomi is beginning to get a headache out of this. He sure had no clue cats’ love affairs could get this complicated. He can barely manage his own relationships, and now he should try to figure out feline ones?
“If you don’t know, how could I?” he says with a sigh. “I just know that I am.” He pauses. Realizes what he just said. Blushes. “I mean, that is… well. Yes.”
“Hmm.” Gakuhou’s watching him rather intently. “Interesting.”
Tadaomi’s blush deepens. “What do you mean?! It’s not like you were gay or anything, you had a girlfriend!” …and just why the hell did he have to say that?
“…have you never heard of bisexuality?”
“…oh.”
“Indeed,” Gakuhou mutters, still watching him with that intent look in his eyes, and suddenly the potential relationship problems his cat might be having are the last thing in Tadaomi’s mind.
Gakushuu returns to Karma who is impatiently waiting for him.
Well?
They are… busy, Gakushuu informs him, a little weakly.
What? Can’t you get anything done anymore, Second Place? Do I need to go…
No! Gakushuu all but barks out. Stay where you are. Do not go there. They’ll come to us. Eventually.
…okay. Karma settles down, watching him as if he had lost his mind. Wake me when they’re here, he yawns.
Karma doesn’t have time to fall asleep before Karasuma and the principal, or, well, the doppelgangers of those two, come looking for them. He still can’t figure out what freaked out Gakushuu so badly, but… there is something different about the two. They are more relaxed, smile more, and… hold hands?
“Okay, you two,” Karasuma says happily while Karma is still processing what he’s seeing. “I don’t know what’s got you so worked up, but I’m sure we can fix it.” He bends down to pick up the notebook and the pen. “Maybe you’re just having a bad day?”
Look at it! Karma and Gakushuu yowl in unison. Look at that notebook!
Gakuhou, who has been staring at Tadaomi in a happy rose-colored haze, blinks. What are the cats so excited about? The notebook?
“Hey… is there something in that notebook?”
“What?” Tadaomi glances at it. “No, just some…” He frowns. “…scribbling…”
He stares at the notebook in his hand. “What the hell.” Looks at the cats. Then at Gakuhou. “Please tell me I’m seeing things.”
“Oh? What is it?” Gakuhou takes the notebook. The page is scribbled all over with large letters as if some toddler had got it in his hands. It is far from clear writing, but still readable.
“We are not cats?” Gakuhou blinks. “Did you… write this?”
“What, me? Why would I do that?” Tadaomi exclaims.
They both look down at the cats who stare up at them in silence.
Gakuhou shakes his head in disbelief. “Are you having… some kind of an identity crisis?” He crouches down to look the cats in the eye. “Gakushuu. Karma. You are…”
Gakushuu starts shaking his head, and Karma copies him half a second later.
“…cats,” Gakuhou finishes weakly.
“Are you just going to ignore the fact that our cats can read and write English?!” Tadaomi exclaims.
“…”
“Okay. You two wait here. We need to talk.” Tadaomi all but drags Gakuhou back to the kitchen.
The men are gone a long while. Gakushuu is just wondering to himself whether or not he would dare to go after them when they return, with Karasuma’s laptop. The man opens a document, and after a short argument with Karma about which one of them will do it, Gakushuu starts typing, holding a pen in his mouth to push the buttons. It is a little clumsy and slow, but even so faster than trying to scribble on papers, and easier to read. His father… no. Asano and Karasuma read the story as he types it, and Gakushuu can see their growing disbelief.
“This is a dream,” Karasuma says suddenly, sounding upset. “I don’t want this to be a dream!”
“What, you want our cats to be some teenagers from another world?”
“No! Not that.” Karasuma blushes. “The… other thing.”
“Oh.” Asano smiles, and Gakushuu looks away, disturbed. “Don’t worry. Even if this is a dream, I can assure you that that is reality. I just wish you’d come out to me sooner.”
Gakushuu stares at the laptop screen. He is not listening to this conversation. No, he is not. From the corner of his eye he sees the way Karma stares at the men and then turns to look at him. The bastard finds this funny.
“Well, yeah.” Karasuma looks down. “You just never know how people are going to take it…”
“I know,” Asano sighs, smile dying away. He looks at the cats, and frowns. “Hey, Gakushuu? …that is your name too, right? I can call you that? Good… I was just wondering, if I’m in a sense your father… why do you hate me?”
Gakushuu’s eyes widen a bit. From one unbearable topic straight to another. He turns to look away without replying anything.
Karma finds suddenly his tail quite interesting and carefully avoids looking at anyone.
“Am I…” Asano begins and swallows. “Am I not a good father to you? Oh god, I’m not am I?” The man is actually tearing up. “Did you hear that!” he exclaims at Karasuma. “I’m a bad father! Why am I a bad father?!”
“I… I’m sure you’re going to be a great father some day…” Karasuma attempts to comfort him.
“Well apparently not! It’s one thing if my cat hates me, but my son! I’m so horrible my own son hates me!” Tears start rolling down his cheeks.
Karasuma glares at Gakushuu, as if it were somehow his fault that he has an awful father.
“And I named my son Gakushuu?!”” Asano wails. “What kind of a parent names his son ‘superior study’?”
“I think it’s a pretty weird name for a cat too,” Karasuma mutters. “Besides, your parents named you ‘summit of study’, so…”
“Exactly! You’d think I would know better!”
Hey, Karma mutters. Do something. This guy’s not your dad. It’s not his fault.
Gakushuu’s tail makes a sharp swish. So? He might as well be. Besides, what do you want me to do? Lie and say he’s the best dad in the world?
You’re one stone-hearted bitch, Second Place.
Gakushuu puffs. He looks down at the man who sits on the floor trying not to cry, with Karasuma patting awkwardly his shoulder. It’s pathetic. Pitiable. And… maybe a little heart-rending. How could this guy ever turn into the man he knows as his father…
…maybe he won’t? Maybe this Asano Gakuhou and his father are two completely different persons. Gakushuu hopes so. He truly doesn’t want to know what kind of a tragedy it would take for someone to change so drastically.
Gakushuu sighs. He jumps down from the table and walks to the man, gives him a soft headbutt. Asano looks at him, sniffles, and pets his head tentatively. Gakushuu allows that, and suddenly the man scoops him into his arms, presses him against his chest.
Gakushuu gives a little yelp and almost starts squirming away, but…
it’s not so bad
It’s not so bad to be held like this by his father, who is sobbing and promising that if he ever will be a dad, he’ll be the best and kindest dad ever.
It’s not so bad, even if he is a cat, and this man isn’t really his father.
“Hey,” Karasuma whispers to Karma, sitting down by the table, “am I a good teacher?”
Karma headbutts his arm, long and properly, and he smiles.
“Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out,” Karasuma says, petting Karma’s head with one hand as they watch the other two hugging on the floor. “One way or another we’ll figure this out.”