Chapter Text
Jungwon had had a happy, simple childhood. It had been quiet and perhaps a tad lonely being from such a small, rural village but he hadn't known anything different and couldn't have wished for anything more. He had been a normal boy, perhaps a little withdrawn, but nobody notably different.
It was the morning of his eighteenth birthday when that all changed. He'd woken up feeling excited with the anticipation of what the day would bring. His family were poor and presents were a foreign concept for him so all he'd wished for was a family walk in the winter sunshine with his parents and older sister. It was a beautiful day, serene and calm. Frost dusted the grass from the evening before, the bare branches of the trees were proud and crisp, the wind cool enough to flush his round cheeks. Jungwon beamed as he looked out from the doorway, his father placing a hand on his shoulder and smiling fondly as his sister and mother walked ahead, turning to wait for him.
Jungwon stepped out from the shadow of the house, feeling the slight warmth of the sun grace him. Then he stopped. Sharp electric shocks of pain slammed into his feet and he let out a small yelp. His family turned to him in concern but Jungwon couldn't see them, could only feel the pain spread slowly up his body like someone was pouring acid into his veins. He screamed in agony, louder than he knew was possible, as he crumbed to the ground. He folded in on himself until the pain reached his arms and he writhed onto his stomach, his hands clawing into the dirt. If Jungwon had been capable of forming any thoughts, he would have thought that he was dying or being possessed. His father stood at a distance frozen in shock as his sister paced frantically trying to think of something they could do. His mother sat on her knees beside him, sobbing hysterically, her hands reaching out tentatively but recoiling in fear of touching him. Jungwon continued to scream, his face flooded with tears until the pain reached his head and his world faded to darkness.
When he woke up he felt... different. He felt like everything was wrong, like his hands weren't his own, like his mind was always searching for something that he couldn't place. His body ached and his head pounded but that feeling, that excruciating and paralysing pain from before was gone. His mother let out a sob when he opened his dry eyes, thanking the heavens for sparing the life of her son when she had been sure that they would lose him. His father smiled at him softly but Jungwon couldn't find it in him to smile back. He may not be lost to them, but he felt lost to himself. He didn't know what had happened or if his body would betray him again, but more than that he felt like he had discovered that he didn't know himself.
Everyone tried to pretend that nothing had happened and tried to go back to the way things used to be. But Jungwon's family were always searching his eyes for answers to questions that he didn't have and were always looking over their shoulder like they expected it to happen again. For Jungwon, it felt impossible to go back to normal. Whatever it had been seemed to have zapped the happiness out of him and left him lying in his bed for hours on end in a depressed stupor, wondering how and when he'd feel like himself again, if he'd ever feel complete.
It had kept happening, infrequent as it was. Every few days, the sun would hit his skin and he'd feel that same agony over again. He'd tried staying inside and avoiding the outside world but the sun reached him through the window and he would be stuck screaming in pain once again. It was unbearable. His thighs and arms were permanently red-raw from when his nails would dig and pull at his skin during these episodes. He'd lost all his appetite, he was always verging on dehydration from the amount of tears he spilled, and he felt constantly exhausted.
They tried the doctor. They'd ran all the tests that they could in their small rural practice and found nothing out of the norm. Jungwon appeared to be a healthy young man inside and out. In their desperation, his parents reached out to the local Seer. Something between a fortune teller and witch, the Seer occupied a place in society that was uncertain. Of course, humans generally tolerated and lived beside supernatural beings quite comfortably now, though there was little of that in Jungwon's village. The Seer was nonetheless a contentious figure with people either believing in them fully or dismissing them as conspiracy theorists or fantasy believers. Jungwon's family typically fell into the latter category but they were terrified for their son and his ever increasing episodes and were willing to try anything.
At this point Jungwon hadn't stepped foot out of their house in a week, permanently staying in his room with the curtains tightly drawn. He knew that it was no way to live and he truly didn't feel like he was living at all but the pain never left his mind. They said that people forget pain but Jungwon's dreams were filled with it and he's wake up caked in sweat and screaming, the ghost of the pain tormenting his weakened body. Isolating himself so much had decreased the frequency of the attacks but had increased his sensitivity to them. He only needed the slightest hint of sunlight for his body to seize up and for the pain to return again. It had only been days but Jungwon already couldn't escape the thought that if this was how he would have to live then he didn't want to live anymore.
When his parents said about going to see the Seer, Jungwon had instantly wanted to say no. It would mean going outside. He hadn't been an anxious person before but now he was filled with dread when he lay there at night knowing that the sun would rise and he had panic attacks when he had to leave his room. In the end he caved into his parent's desperation and his own fears that this was incurable and agreed to go. He'd had a panic attack on the door step and perhaps the only reason he was able to make it to the Seer's odd little tent on the borders of the village was because he was too dizzy from oxygen deprivation to put up a fight. He'd been lucky not to have one of his attacks but knew that one would come inevitably.
The Seer was a peculiar looking woman. There wasn't anything obviously different about her but she seemed to lack presence, like she was only barely there physically and her skin had a strange translucent quality. After hearing him and his parents describe what had had happening, she wasted no words before hovering her palm in front of his forehead as his parents waited on the sidelines, gripping each other's hands out of anxiousness. Jungwon closed his eyes and emptied his mind in an attempt to cast off some of his own nerves, trying not to focus on his trembling hands.
"I will need to see an attack." She said flatly after a moment, stepping back and away from Jungwon.
Jungwon let out a whimper as his heart began to pound quickly in his chest. His skin already tingled at the prospect and he shot his parents a helpless look. Going here was supposed to stop them, not cause more, he thought in frustration and wanted to cry.
"Please no, he has so many already." His father pleaded, taking a protective step towards Jungwon. He hesitated for a moment as his eyes moved from the Seer to Jungwon and back, before he stepped back again.
Jungwon closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. Already he was so tired of people being afraid of being close to him, he so desperately wanted to be held, to be normal.
"I must." The Seer said simply, her face blank and yet to show any emotion. She turned to face his parents fully who looked on guiltily. His father nodded quickly and turned to face his son.
"No! Please no!" Jungwon begged, his tears pouring down his cheeks. His knees felt weak and he felt completely out of control of his own body which was paralysed by fear and betrayal.
"We're so sorry Jungwon. We're so sorry." His mother whispered as his father placed his hands on his shoulders apprehensively, careful to only touch his son's jumper and not his skin.
Jungwon let out a heartbreaking sob as they pushed him out into the sunlight. In hindsight, it was perhaps naive to assume that he would automatically have one of his attacks considering it didn't always happen. But of course, it did.
The familiar sense of pain returned, this time faster and more intense as it knocked the air out of his lungs and had him panting on his hands and knees before they collapsed under him. He screamed in agony, eyes blurry but able to make out the figure of the Seer peering down at him with wide eyes, her once unshakingly blank expression morphed by fear. He cried out, screaming for help, for it to stop, but his cries fell on helpless ears. He pulled at his hair and scratched up his arms, begging for it to pass or for him to.
Fortunately Jungwon passed out not much later and when he regained consciousness he was back in the the Seer's tent. His entire body was still trembling and the distance between himself and his parents felt physically and emotionally greater than ever.
"Jungwon's energy is very powerful. He has the potential to be very dangerous." The Seer said plainly, observing him cautiously. Jungwon could see his father's fist clench out of the corner of his eye and his mother tense before she began to cry quietly.
"What... is he?" His father asked slowly, his eyes darting away from Jungwon's when they locked eyes. It felt like they were talking about him as if he wasn't there, but then Jungwon didn't quite feel like he was in his body either.
"He is beyond our labels. Or perhaps, he will be eventually."
"What can we do?" His mother questioned.
"There is nothing we are capable of doing. It will be up to him what he does." Jungwon felt all eyes turn to him, their gazes burning his skin and making him tremble even more.
How they got home was a mystery to Jungwon who felt like he was in a daze. He couldn't bring himself to look at his parents or think about them too deeply, the sharp pang of betrayal hitting him too hard whenever he did. He knew they'd always had his best interests in mind and that they wanted him to be cured of whatever this was as much as he did. They'd hurt him but more than that, they'd kept their distance and that pained him more than anything else. When they arrived back, Jungwon quickly dismissed himself and took himself to his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed, taking a big sigh and holding his hands up to his aching head.
The Seer had been decidedly unhelpful. She's provided no answers yet had served as an efficient wedge in driving away his family and helping Jungwon feel even more disassociated from himself. He wanted to scoff at the idea of him being powerful; he couldn't keep his food down and was increasingly losing any of his existing muscle mass, how on earth was he a threat to anyone but himself?
Deciding he should probably get a glass of water to ease his headache, he headed to the kitchen. Perhaps he should have just walked in but he'd heard hushed voices and his instincts told him to stop, to press himself against the outer wall and not make a sound.
"I-I'm terrified. What if he becomes... a monster? What then?" A voice said in a hushed yet hoarse voice - his mother's voice.
Jungwon tried to gulp away the lump in his throat and blinked upwards at the ceiling to force back his tears. He'd worked so hard from such a young age to be able to one day provide for his family and keep them safe. But because of one freak thing, they were afraid of him, no - terrified of him, of what he could become. Of course, Jungwon was scared too when he woke up after yet another horrific, bloody nightmare but in his mind he was never facing this alone but with his family. He wasn't naive enough to not think that all this didn't amount to something beyond his imagination, but hearing his parents talked about it made it feel eerily real in a way it hadn't before. And it made it petrified.
He closed his eyes and willed his father to say something comforting or strong in his defence, to dismiss the severity of the situation even slightly.
"I don't know." He heard his father sigh and then there was silence.
Painful, treacherous silence.
As his fear attempted to cripple him and steal the air he breathed, Jungwon recognised that he was alone. He pressed his hand over his mouth to stifle the choked breath that left him and crept back to his bedroom.
He couldn't stay here. Not with people who thought he was a risk. Not with people he could become a risk to. Jungwon lay in his bed and as time passed he began to feel oddly at peace, knowing that he had to leave this place and that he was following the only available path to him. Perhaps he could return when he'd figured himself out or got better but for now, he couldn't be here any longer.
With impressive speed and unwavering resolve he quietly put together a backpack's worth of essentials, donned his most comfortable shoes and hunted through his sock draw for any spare change. Looking round his room he was surprised to find that though there were plenty of things that meant something to him, very little could be called useful. He felt that strange feeling again like he was looking down at a scene and like he wasn't really in his body anymore and found that he didn't really feel any attachment to the room that had been his for his entire life. He had mentally already separated himself from it knowing that this was his past but could not possibly be his present. He thought that perhaps he'd been building up to this moment for a while now, maybe from the moment he'd woken up after his first episode and looked around his room and felt like he wasn't home anymore.
Leaving only a small note on his bed reading 'I'm sorry, don't look for me. I love you - Jungwon', he waited with unfamiliar composure for the familiar click of his parents' door closing and for the sky to become black with night. He took a deep grouding breath and crept out the house, hesitating only momentarily to look back over his shoulder before he closed the door behind him. Goodbye, he thought, to his family, to his home, to his life, to all that he had known before. With a steadying breath he began to walk away from his home and into his future and whatever that may bring.