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‘The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell’ were the first few words Zhongli had ever said to him, and they spent the rest of that semester-long environmentals class studying together. No one would’ve guessed they’d become friends, not even Childe himself, not that he was in the slightest way complaining. It started with some study sessions in the library, and weeks later Zhongli welcomed him into his home. No explanation- just an invitation and a warm laugh.
This was a year ago.
Childe was completely fine with this, completely fine because he had so many other things to worry about. Like- finals. Finals were the next week and he should’ve definitely been more attentive to that than some quiet boy with a shitty sense of humor. He had his whole future to plan, (there would always be the future for him to worry about) whatever that even meant anymore; a certain pair of amber eyes and a certain soft smile weren’t going to be there forever. He didn’t have the luxury to be thinking about him.
Not like this, not anymore.
Regardless, Zhongli Wangsheng was always on his mind; eyes that shone like liquid gold and a voice smooth like velvet. Childe had no interest in exploring the feelings he had for him- he couldn’t risk harming a friendship he held so close to his heart. There were boundless expectations and he was far too busy- though, the latter felt more and more like an excuse as time passed.
Childe was completely fine with this.
Summer break was almost upon Northland High and it felt like a slap on the face. It was what its always been; extra time to overthink and to ponder on anxieties and to wonder if anything was really worth it anymore. But it was different this year, because Childe was in his senior year. This meant graduating and moving onto bigger things. He wasn’t ready and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be. Zhongli was all he really looked forward to for months, but he’d be gone after the summer. Nothing was forever, and neither was Zhongli- and Childe was afraid of everyone moving on without him. They all seemed to have their futures set- they were ready to pack their bags and leave. Leave Northland High.
Leave Childe.
Outside the school, the sun was hiding behind a thin layer of dark clouds, but her presence was present in the humidity. It felt like swimming through hot air; movements languid and slow. Childe stood across the street, staring at the building he walked to and from for four years. That was an awful long time, but it somehow wasn’t long enough. He wasn’t ready.
A raindrop, maybe two, fell on the tip of his nose and interrupted his thoughts. He would’ve assumed it was sweat (he was sweating), but the dark clouds hanging over him said otherwise. He’d have to hideout under the school roof if he wanted to stay dry, but he had no desire to walk back to the source of his anxiety. He’d be fine so long as he walked fast enough.
But he doesn’t make up his mind fast enough, and it begins to pour.
The irony? It hurts.
Small groups of students are slowly pouring out of the building, umbrellas held over their heads and smiles on their faces. They’re heading home, mostly dry and safe from the storm as Childe watches them from a distance. And he’s cold; frozen in place without any idea on where he should go. The closest safe place was going to abandon him soon; the place where he made so many memories is kicking him out whether he’s ready or not and he’s scared because everyone else will land on their feet as Childe slowly drowns.
Sinking. Deeper and deeper into the cold, dark void of the unknown; alone and forgotten. No one would come back for him, they moved on. They moved on, they're gone. They're fine and he's not. He’s-
“CHILDE!”
He doesn’t know where it came from. It’s dark all around him. Are his eyes shut? He doesn’t remember closing his eyes. And he’s cold. He’s shivering (and crying?) and he wants to go home, he wants to-
“Chi, are you okay..?”
It’s Zhongli, he knows it is. The loud, suffocating sound of the rain wouldn’t ever be able to hide his deep voice, now veiled in concern.
Childe doesn’t move, he just hugs his knees tighter. When did he crouch? He doesn’t remember.
The sound of rain was still loud and around him; but he wasn’t getting wet anymore. He could almost imagine how pathetic he looked; crouched on the sidewalk with his eyes squeezed shut and his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. And even worse, he could imagine Zhongli’s concerned face as he held the spongebob umbrella he’s had since fifth grade over their heads, looking down at Childe in pity.
He slowly opens his eyes and looks up.
It’s exactly how he imagined it, only one hundred times worse. Zhongli’s usually glowing eyes are dim; a dying fire. The corners of his mouth are tugged down to form a frown. He fucking hates this; he fucking hates having Zhongli see him like this. He knew about it- his anxiety- but he’s never witnessed it. He never knew it could get like this.
And all Childe could think to do was apologize.
“Zhongli, I-”
It all happens so quick. He doesn’t even have the time to process the sentence that was about to come out of his mouth before Zhongli is crouched down next to him, giving him the warmest hug he’d ever been given in his life. He completely disregards the fact that he was cold and soaking wet and the fact that he was the opposite; impossibly warm and dry.
It hurts.
Childe’s immediate, no-hesitation reaction was to melt into Zhongli’s arms and it hurts. It makes everything so painful because this wasn’t going to change anything. Zhongli is still going to leave him.
Let me go.
Just leave already.
Don’t make it hurt more than it has to, he wants to scream.
He holds Zhongli tighter instead.
Zhongli helps them both stand, and he slowly backs away from the hug. Childe wants to keep him there- he wants to hug him for as long as he possibly could but instead, he wraps his arms around himself and stares at the ground.
“What happened?” asks Zhongli, and his voice is barely above a whisper.
“I’m scared, Li… I’m so fucking scared.” That’s all he manages to say before choking out a sob that shakes his entire body.
He doesn’t want to do this, he can’t do this in front of Zhongli. What the fuck did he do to deserve this?
“Just.. Just leave already. You don’t have to stay any longer,” is all he says, hiccuping sobs and sniffling hard.
“..What?” is all he gets from Zhongli and his voice sounds so small, so confused.
Childe is holding onto himself so tightly he’s sure it’ll leave a mark, but his grip doesn’t loosen because he feels as though that’s all that’s keeping him grounded. He prays that Zhongli doesn’t notice; that he doesn’t realize just how broken up he was.
Zhongli notices.
“I just- You don’t have to fucking stay anymore. You’re gonna leave me after all this so what’s the damn point? You’re all gonna leave me alone,” Childe spits out, and he doesn’t mean to sound so cruel. He doesn’t want to scare Zhongli away; he doesn’t want to burden Zhongli with the nasty side of his anxiety.
There’s a sigh. “Childe, what are you talking about? Look at me.”
He looks.
Zhongli’s eyes are glowing a little, and whatever he’s about to say is genuine. Childe could feel it. He loosens his grip a little as Zhongli holds hims gently by his shoulders.
“Where in the world did you get that from? Who told you I was leaving you?”
Childe is still shaken and cold, but he could feel the heat on his face. He knew this was the inevitable outcome of bottled up overthinking; he’d been holding this in since April, when the eventual finality of it all finally shook him to his core. He brought this upon himself because he never told anyone. He wasn’t honest.
He should’ve been.
“Is it because of graduation?”
Childe could only nod.
Zhongli smiles a little, but it’s not the smug or mocking kind. Childe lets out a shaky breath.
“I would never ever leave my best friend like that, are you kidding?” Zhongli says, and his smile widens a little. This makes him feel better, and it makes his heart flutter; though it shouldn't. “I know this is- hard. And it’s strange. We’ve never been through this before and none of us are really ready for it and it makes you feel like you’ve fallen behind. I know. I felt it for a while too.”
Childe looks up at Zhongli with a stupidly bewildered face because it seemed impossible (very possible) to think that Zhongli had been worrying about the same things as he was; though at a reasonably smaller frequency. The latter reads his expression and laughs.
“Ganyu helped me out of it. And besides- I have you don’t I?”
This makes Childe smile too, and he sniffles softly.
“Yeah.”
Zhongli beams. “And you’ve got me! We’ve got each other.” The last sentence felt oddly intimate, and he mentally told himself to ask Zhongli about it some day.
Some day- because they had time, he realized.
Zhongli takes Childe’s hand in his, and the action was nervous yet tender. It was just as strangely intimate- more than how that same action had felt before. The former smiles at him reassuringly and he smiles right back.
“Wanna go home? I’ll ask Ganyu to make us hot chocolate.”
Home. It sounded fitting.
“Yeah, Li. Let’s go home.”
They start down the sidewalk, hand in hand; the rain’s fury all around, but unable to touch them.
And they’ll get through it; the summer rain- the passing storm. They’ll get through it.
Together.