Chapter Text
Merlin had often wondered what his death would be like. He had to admit, he had thought he would be older than this, that he would have settled down with a nice girl and maybe started a family, and perhaps die in his sleep of old age - not in his early twenties, the lackey of some prat of a crown prince, and surrounded by Serkets ready to get a piece of him.
He took in a deep breath and uttered another spell, the umpteenth that he could think of, the words coming to him automatically. He didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t get the chains off, and his spells were only doing so much to keep the Serkets away, and quickly, his brain was readying him for death, because that was the only logical result from all this.
He felt the venom work its magic in his body, and he didn’t know any spells to ward off its effects, and it was weakening him with every breath he took. He looked down at the ground, his brain working overtime trying to come up with more spells, but he had run out of them.
Arthur .
He shook his head, willing his mind to get rid of that thought instantly. He couldn’t use any distractions, he needed to stay focused. But of course, he was not of sound mind, the venom had played tricks on him, and when he sank to the floor, his legs finally giving out and landing him on his side in the dirt, the thought crossed his mind again.
Arthur .
He hoped that Arthur was safe, that he would figure out what Morgana was doing and would thwart her plans. He hoped that Arthur wouldn’t find him like this, didn’t want to think about what would happen to his body after he had died, what the Serkets would do with him. He didn’t even know if Arthur would care, although he had a feeling he would.
Mostly he hoped Arthur wouldn’t be hurt by this.
Arthur … “I love you, Arthur,” Merlin whispered into the night, knowing nobody could hear him but feeling like he needed to have said it at least once. To accept the truth of his feelings, after having hidden them for far too long.
It was true - he was in love with his master, with the crown prince of Camelot, with his close friend. It was ridiculous, he knew, Arthur hadn’t exactly given him any reason to be feeling this way, but he couldn’t help the fluttering of his heart every time he laid his eyes on that beautiful man, feeling his heart warm even as Arthur insulted him. He had never felt this way from being insulted.
Arthur was his first true love, his only true love, and he had known from the very first time he had realized he might be feeling things for him that he hadn’t felt for anybody that it would always stay this way, that there would never be anything between them. It should have upset him, and yet, he had felt oddly comforted by it. Things didn’t need to change, they could stay friends the way they were, and Merlin would be absolutely alright with it.
He was getting tired and closed his eyes, and pictured Arthur in his mind, with his gorgeous blond locks all in disarray, face sweaty after he had just sparred with one of the knights; the little smile he often sent Merlin’s way while training, as if he had had a private thought and couldn’t help but look at Merlin and smile. It gave Merlin some comfort, even if his friend wasn’t here, that the idea of Arthur calmed him down.
He only wished he could have been there to see Arthur become the king he was meant to be. He had faith, however, that Arthur could still be that, even without Merlin by his side. He had set him on the right path, and with the help of Gwen, Leon, and even Gaius, he could do it.
Merlin took in a deep, shuddering breath, and he felt consciousness slowly slip out of him. World, gods, anyone who’s listening… please be kind to Arthur Pendragon.