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Kojiro wasn’t someone to shy away from a party, but the weekend hadn’t necessarily gone as he’d planned. As the laughter resounded through the hallway from a distant room, he took a slow breath, watching the gold of the sun cast itself over the water on the horizon. It was beautiful out here, the perfect place for a quiet weekend alone. Sure, it wasn’t Paris or Rome, but it was perfect for a quick weekend away from anyone who might recognize Kaoru, the perfect place to sneak out and get his hands on him without worry that they might get caught.
The secrecy had been Kaoru’s decision. Forever ago, when his work really began to gain traction, when he’d received snide comments with just a bit too much edge upon being seen out with him, he’d retreated from anything resembling public intimacy. And Kojiro could understand that. Kaoru was a respected artist, a man whose livelihood depended on his reputation and client relationships. If being subtle around other people was what would keep him safe and offer him comfort, Kojiro was more than happy to give him that space.
“Joe?”
Right. The kids had shown up on the ferry, and the plans had changed. It wasn’t that he didn’t love them. Shit, he’d do anything for these kids. He enjoyed being with them, and was happy to spend time with them outside S , even if it cut a bit into time with Kaoru here. But he hadn’t thought it would be the whole weekend.
Kojiro let out a sigh, and gave a smile. “Hey, buddy. What’s up?”
Langa stepped forward, leaning his arms against the railing beside Kojiro. There was something about that kid, the calm he always exuded, even when he should have been panicking. It wasn’t there now, and it worried Kojiro. “Can I talk to you about something?”
Kojiro furrowed his brow, but nodded. “Yeah, go ahead.”
“I know this is kind of weird, but… you’re really good at showing people you care about them.” He averted his gaze, turning to look out over the water ahead of them. “I care about Reki. A lot. In… that way. And I don’t know how to tell him that. I feel like I show him all the time, and he just… doesn’t notice.”
“Sounds like you’re not speaking the same language there. You love really quietly, don’t you?” Kojiro propped his head in his hand, smile forming on his lips. “All the quick glances and hand touches and whatnot. Don’t know if Reki’s the kind of guy to pick up on that.”
It was how Kaoru loved. He was always so soft, so subtle. Partially, it had been out of necessity. It was safer to give a particularly soft smile or a glance that lingered a little too long. But it also set Kojiro on fire. To have someone who could make his heart clench in his chest without saying a single word. It was how Kojiro wanted, needed to be loved. A quick look that made him feel on top of the world would always hit him like crashing into the ground after a hard fall.
“Sometimes you gotta adjust how you love someone so they can hear it.”
“Is that what it’s like for you and Cherry?” Langa asked.
Kojiro wasn’t sure why that made him laugh. They had thought they were so clever, so cautious in the way they acted that the kids would never pick up. They should have known. “Mm, I guess you could say that. We’ve been together so long that it’s changed naturally over time, you know? Christ, we were your age when this started.” Twelve years was a long time. It wouldn’t be normal if everything stayed the same.
Kojiro had tried the subtle thing when they were teens, to match his style. He had tried to just smile at the right times, to make Kaoru feel the same way he felt when he noticed golden eyes lingering on him for just a bit longer than he thought they really should. A quick touch of hands, just for a moment. Staying by his side through every minor frustration, steady as a rock. And Kaoru just hadn’t noticed.
“Really had to fight to get him to pay attention to me. He didn’t think I was interested until I rattled off compliments day and night. Practically had to kiss him to make him believe me.”
“Oh my god, just come here. I want to kiss you, dumbass.”
“I can’t imagine you complimenting Cherry.”
Kojiro grinned. “I used to, all the time. Until he finally realized I meant it. I’m not as loud anymore about it, but…” But that was out of necessity. Loving him too loudly, loving him in exactly the way he wanted, in the way that Kouru wanted to be loved, wasn’t always an option. It had been in an attempt to stifle the sweet, mushy words that all this teasing and bickering had begun. A loud “Hey asshole” wasn’t going to register as flirting to those around them, but it would communicate enough affection between just the two f them to keep them going. “I really do love him.”
“We interrupted your vacation, didn’t we?” Langa asked.
Kojiro shrugged, that grin still lingering. “You did. You four are menaces like that. But I don’t mind all that much, and I’m sure he doesn’t either. It’s nice to have you all around.” It feels like a family , he didn’t say, even though it was on the tip of his tongue. “Besides. That’s not what this talk is about, anyhow. This is about you and that little redhead.”
Langa nodded. “So I need to try communicating better. So that he’ll hear me.”
“Seems like it. You might just need to tell him differently. Tell him exactly what you see when you look at him, and exactly how you feel.”
Soft blue eyes, filled to the brim with determination looked back at Kojiro. “I will. I don’t know exactly… how. But I’ll get there, and he’ll know. Thank you.” There was that air of confidence that Kojiro knew.
“Of course, kid.” He squeezed the boy’s shoulder, and let out a soft chuckle to himself as he wandered off, back toward the room down the hall.
“Look him in the eyes and tell him exactly how you feel, hmm?” A cool voice asked from behind him.
Kojiro turned around, and his smile only widened. Before him stood Kojiro, tall and lithe and… “Beautiful.” It was just a whisper, a word uttered as naturally as breathing. He stepped forward, reaching out a hand, grateful that it was taken. “It was good advice and you know it.”
Kaoru quirked a brow, smile sharp on his lips. Sometimes when he looked at him like that, so cool and collected, Kojiro could hear the taunting before it even came from his mouth. “I don’t know about that.”
“It wooed you .”
“Mm, I don’t know that I’d consider myself wooed. Stockholm Syndrome isn’t all that romantic.”
Kojiro couldn’t help the laugh that came from him. “Well, then, let me woo you all over again.” He pulled Kaoru’s hand to his lips, pressing a kiss on his palm. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Smartest, too. And meanest.” A kiss on his knuckles. “And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’ll have me.”
Kaoru moved forward, laying his head against the firm muscle of Kojiro’s chest, hair ticking at his skin. “Didn’t work,” he said, voice so soft it might even have been called sweet. “Maybe you’ll just have to try again.”
Kojiro nodded, pulling his arm around the man’s shoulders. He would try again, whisper sweet nothing that somehow contained everything, praise him to the moon. Forever, if Kaoru would let him.