Chapter Text
"I'm telling you, you should go. It'll be good for you."
Thanatos glared at the video call. Hypnos was lounging on his couch, a joint in his right hand and his left lazily waving around as he spoke. It had only been two months since they moved to separate cities, but Hypnos had clearly already settled into a rhythm and was meeting new people. Thanatos, on the other hand, typically went to class and straight back home to study. In fact, he was studying right now. Drawing out anatomy studies in his sketchbook. Hypnos had called mid-brachial plexus and Thanatos would much prefer finishing that than carrying on with this conversation about a party he was deeply uninterested in attending.
"I'm pretty sure I was only invited to prove to the frat house that the guy isn’t as big a creep as he actually is." Thanatos knew this was the case. His classmate had been chasing a first year musical theater major from a nearby university, convinced that he could somehow gain adjacent fame by dating her early in her career. The logic made Thanatos' head hurt. The guy was really only good for comparing class notes, which was the lone reason Thanatos had even begun talking to him.
"Still!" Hypnos took a drag of the joint, holding his breath for a beat longer than needed as he thought up a retort. Thanatos knew Hypnos was just trying to get him to open up, to get comfortable without his far more social twin as a buffer. "Even if he abandons you the second you walk through the door, at least stay an hour or two. Free beer, free entertainment courtesy of the fraternity members. And maybe, just maybe , you'll find that there's someone to talk to from well outside your medical school cohort. Practically the opposite, in fact, seeing as they’re all music and art types."
"Tsk."
"Come on! Who doesn't want to come up and strike up a conversation with a brooding, enigmatic mystery man such as yourself?"
"You ever think that's exactly why no one talks to me?"
"Actually, I think it's because your default look is resting bitch face." Hypnos cracked a crooked smile at that, knowing Thanatos couldn't throw his sketchbook through the computer screen.
Hypnos wasn’t wrong, though. The older they got, the more opposite in fashion and personality they became. Thanatos, when not dressed in business casual for classes, preferred his ripped black skinny jeans and leather jacket. Hypnos went for the rainbow, focusing mostly on warm tones and a combination of fitted with oversized. When they were together, Hypnos acted as the intermediary on Thanatos’ behalf, enabling him to make it through most social situations unscathed. Hypnos was the bright one, putting himself out there to meet people and keep conversations going while Thanatos could blend into the shadows. He wasn’t keen on how much emotional energy it took to meet and bond with someone new without his twin by his side. As a result, he keeps his interactions with his classmates perfunctory, only engaging with assignment questions or to ask about study groups times. It had served him well until the party invitation was sprung on him that afternoon.
"If you're so worried about people finding you too harsh to approach, just go in your goth jock stuff then. Athleisure or whatever. Although anything you wear you make goth, so I guess that adjective is implied." Another drag on the joint. Thanatos was sincerely wishing he had one of his own right now, the anxiety was getting to be a bit much. "Show me your closet and I’ll put something together for you so you don't have to fret about it tomorrow evening. How's that sound?"
Thanatos took a deep breath and shut his eyes. He didn't want to give in, but he had to admit Hypnos was right. He did need to...try.
Or something.
“Just go this one time. If it’s an utter train wreck, I swear I’ll make it up to you over winter break.”
Thanatos made a sound between a huff and a tut. “Ok, fine. But I’m bringing the sketchbook.”
“Letting that be your security blanket, huh? Well, if that’s what it takes to get your ass out the door, fine by me! Now, to the closet, my good man. I gotta get you dressed for success so you aren’t smoking my entire stash next time I see you.”
Groaning, Thanatos picked up the laptop and made his way into the bedroom of his apartment. Over the next half hour, he obligingly showed Hypnos every possible piece of clothing in his wardrobe as his twin racked his brain for ways to make an acceptable outfit out of all the shades of black.
***
The next day arrived all too quickly. Thanatos once again considered backing out, but the constant encouraging texts from Hypnos had done their job in guilt tripping him into going through with the invitation. They had gone back and forth about whether Thanatos should wear long sleeves or not, but he rather preferred keeping his tattoos covered, thank you very much. People always ask the meaning of tattoos as a conversation starter, and frankly he didn’t want to tell them something that was none of their business. The only ones he couldn’t fully hide were the ones on his fingers, but at least those looked more like rings at a glance. He tossed gold hoop earrings in the lowest two holes on his ears and kept his tongue ring and left nostril nose stud as-is.
It’s not like you’re dressing for work at Mom’s club, Hypnos had said as he nixed various accessories and clothing items that he had deemed as being ‘too much for someone brand new.’ The end result was rather toned down from Thanatos’ preferred casual look, but still covered and comfortable. They had butted heads on whether Thanatos was going to show off his side cut or not, but Thanatos had firmly parted his hair on the left, ending the debate and hiding the shorn right side under his thick waves.
He stuffed his sketchbook into his messenger bag with some pencils and pulled on a warm, black peacoat. It was November, definitely too cold to wear his favorite jacket. And definitely too cold to walk to the meet-up location without something layered on. Thanatos braced himself, and set foot into the street, confirming to himself that yes, indeed, he was going to this party.
The only indication that he wasn’t a walking shadow was his light brown (nearly blonde) hair and brown skin, which was highlighted under each streetlight he went under. He cast his eyes down and gripped the strap of his messenger bag tightly, placing one foot firmly in front of the other. The meet-up spot was about five minutes from his apartment, and supposedly the house where the party was at took another ten to walk to. If Thanatos decided to sneak out early, it was only a fifteen minute walk back to his apartment on his quiet residential street. He had purposefully not rented a place near campus, and even though that meant a thirty minute walk to and from class each day, he never had to deal with the noise from undergraduate parties or sporting events coming through his window and aggravating his migraines.
“Hey, man!”
Thanatos looked up, seeing his classmate and a few others from his cohort at the corner. He must have been the last to arrive from the looks of things. Holding his hand up in a tentative wave, he jogged slightly to join the group. No backing out now.
***
The walk to the party hadn’t been as bad as he anticipated. Thanatos got to put a few faces to names that he had previously been unsure of, and, fortunately, the primary conversation topic had been about their courseload. Unfortunately, he could hear the sound of music getting louder, indicating that they were reaching their destination. He could feel his pace slowing as he drifted to the back of the group.
His classmate greeted someone that was smoking out on the front lawn of the house. He gestured vaguely towards Thanatos and the others, and the smoking man waved at them before pointing towards the front door. Eagerly, his classmate bounded up the stairs, holding the door open for everyone. Thanatos was the last to enter, a solid five or six paces behind the rest.
It was a large place, and Thanatos was surprised to find out only about seven or eight students actually lived there, according to his classmate and he assumed one of the hosts. The house was used more for parties and get-togethers, but also served as a houseshare for those who didn’t want to live on campus. He was told that coats were being dropped in a room at the top of the stairs, and drinks and food were in the kitchen. That is, if he could make it to either location through the crowds of people seemingly stuffed into every corner.
Thanatos looked around, realizing his classmates had already started heading presumably to the kitchen without him. Sighing, he considered his options before deciding to just find somewhere to hide out for an hour before sneaking back home. He made his way towards the stairs, carefully stepping around people as he made his way up. Glancing over the railing, he saw that a large part of the living room was taken over by drums and various musical instruments, which explained why everyone gave that space a wide berth. On the landing, he saw that there were even more people hanging around the hallway off to the side, but there was also yet another set of stairs up to a third level. Seeing as he couldn’t easily sneak away, he resigned himself to climbing this last set of stairs and seeing what the third floor had to offer.
Thankfully, the third floor was far emptier and more softly lit than the bright fluorescent lighting of the lower floors. He took a deep breath and rubbed his temples. The stress of being outside his element coupled with the noise was getting to him.
At the far end of the hall was a window with a long bench seat. Thanatos made his way to it, and cracked open the window to let some air in. Taking a deep breath, he willed himself to let go of some of the anxiety plaguing his brain and tensing his shoulders. He shrugged off his peacoat and folded it so he could use it as a back cushion against the wall, leaning against it and folding his knees up to his chest. Times like these were when he really hated how Hypnos could convince him to go outside his comfort zone.
After pulling his sketchbook and some pencils out of the messenger bag, Thanatos let it drop to the floor. He flipped to a fresh page and started to draw the entire anatomy of a shoulder and arm from memory, something he could easily double-check against his textbooks when he got back home. A soft breeze from the cracked window rustled the page from time to time, but his black sweater protected him from any chills. It was pretty hot on the third floor, meaning the majority of the partygoers stayed on the lower levels.
Thanatos wasn’t sure how long he spent sketching by the window. He could hear people coming up and down the stairs, opening and closing doors. The music all ran together, though at some point he vaguely registered that it switched from recordings to live performance. He didn’t know most of the songs performed, but he had a feeling it was a mix of Broadway and top 40 covers given what his classmate had told him about the fraternity on the walk over. For the most part he turned everything out, focusing on his drawing. At least, he had been focused. But then something cold tapped lightly against his shoulder, startling him back to reality.
“Easy there, just figured you’d want a drink.”
The owner of the voice was a young man in a black and grey hoodie leaning against the wall, a can of something in each hand. Thanatos arched an eyebrow at him, silently questioning his sudden presence. The man shrugged. “You’ve been up here drawing a while, thought you might like something is all.”
If Thanatos could arch his eyebrow any higher, it would float off his head completely. Someone had noticed him? Moreso, someone had actually kept track of how long he had been here? That was new, as usually that responsibility fell to Hypnos.
“Um, yeah, thanks.” What else could he say? Thanatos rolled out his shoulders before reaching for one of the cans. He saw it was a higher quality local beer that was a rarity at these kinds of parties.
“Mind if I join you for a minute?” The gesture indicated the space at the other end of the bench. It was Thanatos’ turn to shrug, waving his hand in a ‘do as you please’ motion. The man sat down, leaning his back against the wall opposite with one leg bent on the bench and the other off to the side. Thanatos took a sip of the beer, taking a long look at the anomaly who brought it to him.
At a glance, Thanatos could tell he was most likely a first year undergraduate student, four or five years younger than he. A bright red beanie covered most of his hair, but the bangs that stuck out appeared to be black-brown. What really caught his interest, though, were his heterochromatic eyes. The left eye was a bright green, but the right a deep brown. Between those and his very symmetrical face, he was objectively quite handsome.
Said man gave a small cough into his hand, and Thanatos realized he was staring. Shifting his position a little, he dropped his eyes to the beer and began fiddling with the tab. “So,” he began, very slowly. He’s truly terrible at these things. Why did he and Hypnos decide to go to different schools in different cities, again? “Um, why?”
So eloquent. It’s a wonder more people were drawn to Hypnos rather than himself, honestly.
The man tilted his head a bit at the question. “Why what?”
“I mean, I’m not exactly in the middle of the action, so bringing me this was pretty out of the way, wasn’t it?”
“Ah.” The man scratched the back of his neck before smiling brightly. It was shockingly disarming. “I saw you sitting here for so long, it got me curious. So the beer is more a way for me to learn a little about you, if that makes sense?”
“I...guess?” Thanatos took another sip. “I’m not sure what you’d want to know, though.”
The young man hummed a little. “Well, how’s this for starters? I haven’t seen you around my classes or at any performances before, so clearly you’re not the performing arts type. But you were sketching, so does that make you one of the studio art people?”
That kind of assumption could be expected, Thanatos realized. He had been sitting with a sketchpad on his lap for who knows how long. And besides, even if he only used the drawings as study guides, he did genuinely like art. He just wasn’t as talented on that front as Hypnos.
“Um, no, actually. I’m a first year med student from the next university over.”
“Oh-ho!” The man’s eyes widened, clearly surprised at this news. “I had heard there were a few med students floating about tonight. A little while ago one of them caused some kinda commotion and they made him leave. Wouldn’t have associated them with you, though.”
Thanatos groaned. He had a feeling he knew which student it was. “Is that a bad or good thing?”
“I think it's good? They all seemed a little stuck-up in comparison to everyone else here. Looking-down-their-nose types.”
“I can see that. A lot of them come from fairly well-to-do families given the reputation of the school.”
“Are you lumped into that category?” The young man had a smirk and a glimmer in his eyes that showed he was mostly joking. But Thanatos could gather that he also genuinely wanted to know.
“I’m definitely not from a family of corporate executives, if that’s what you mean.”
“Good to know! Executives tend to be very up their own ass, in my experience.” He chuckled softly at that, seemingly at something in his head that he didn’t want to voice. He took a long swig of his beer. Thanatos guessed now was probably as good a time as any to ask his own questions in some semblance of being socially adept.
“You said you hadn’t seen me in your classes. Are you one of the musical theater majors, then?” That sounded normal, right?
“Sorta, I’m in music performance and composition. I originally thought I would just do composition or something, but I landed a part for the semester musical performance that was apparently a big deal? And now, here I am.” He gestured towards the stairs at that. “You have to get invited to be a part of this fraternity on merit or whatever, I guess I made the cut. Catch is that I need to add that additional performance major to stay in.”
“Well, seems like you must be talented if they invited you to join so quickly. Are you a first year student?”
“Yeah, and an international one to boot. A lot of people aren’t thrilled about it.” Thanatos could have sworn he heard the man mumble something like ‘especially Father,’ but didn’t feel comfortable asking for clarification.
“Why wouldn't they be?”
“Well, it’s competitive here. Usually it takes until third year to get invited into this thing as a proper member. On top of that, I’m here on scholarship, so that’s another strike against me, I guess?” It was his turn to fiddle with the tab of the beer can. Thanatos didn’t want to say it out loud, but it sounded like this guy was probably far more talented than the ones downstairs, and they were well aware of it. “Anyway, they’re doing their induction ceremony tonight, which is why the party is way bigger than it would normally be. All the new members need to perform something preassigned to them.”
“That’s dumb.” Ah, there’s his blunt nature. Right on time, as always. Just when it seemed like maybe he was getting comfortable talking to this guy. “I meant the strikes against you, not the performance thing.”
“No worries, I gathered as much! But whatever, it’ll let me keep my scholarship and visa so I can stay here.” His beer can was empty now, and he twisted the tab off, plopping it with a thin tink into the can. He grew quiet, the smile having slipped from his face as he let his thoughts wander. Thanatos finished his drink, and stayed silent himself.
It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, surprisingly enough. It was refreshing. The young man played with the red drawstring on his hoodie, twirling it between his fingers as he got more lost in his own thoughts. He only seemed to remember that Thanatos was there when he set his own empty beer can on the windowsill.
“Sorry about that, mate. Got a bit in my own head there.” The smile was back, a little smaller and sheepish. Thanatos had to admit that the guy had looked odd without a smile, as though frowning was entirely foreign to him. “Anyway-”
“There you are!” They both jumped slightly at the loud new voice. A woman was making her way down the hall.
“Hey, Thalia..” The young man began greeting her, but this Thalia cut him off.
“You’re gonna be on once the next two numbers are done, so get downstairs as soon as you can.” She pivoted on her heel, her message delivered. “Your duet partner will be a surprise, but I trust you prepared your part appropriately.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he called out, mock saluting her back as she sauntered down the stairs.
Thanatos stood up, stretching his arms towards the ceiling. He really had been in that position too long and his shoulders had started to tense up.
“Wow, you’re really tall.”
Looking down, he saw the young man was staring up at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Thanatos could only tilt his head at the comically obvious observation. “Um, yeah?”
“Sorry, you were just sitting with your legs tucked in so it didn’t really register to me. I made that awkward, didn’t I?” He chuckled, and it seemed he was blushing at the situation he had caused. He was scratching the back of his neck again, which appeared to be a nervous tic of some kind.
“It’s fine.” And it was. Thanatos genuinely didn’t care, he knew he towered over most people. “Do you know where the bathroom is, by chance? I’m probably gonna head back home soon.”
“Yep, third door down on your right. I can watch your stuff, if you want…?”
“No need, I know you need to get downstairs before that Thalia comes up to drag you down herself.”
“Yeah, true...well, it was good talking to you! Hopefully I’ll see you around again?” The young man made to stand up, extending his hand out. Thanatos became painfully aware that there were pencil smudges on his hand as he returned the gesture. He kept his eyes locked on the ones across from him, storing them away in his memory, as his hand closed around the other. The man’s hand was warm, and it gave Thanatos’ a small squeeze before letting go.
“Um, yeah. I’ll maybe see you around?” Thanatos said quickly before turning to make his way to the bathroom. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks during the farewell handshake, and he didn’t want the other to notice or comment on it. He shut the door and locked it before leaning against it with his head in his hands.
Truth be told, he hadn't actually needed the bathroom, but he wanted a way out so the guy wouldn’t feel guilty about going to his performance. The read Thanatos got was that he was trying to find a way to stay, and Thanatos didn’t want to get in the way of something that was apparently a big deal at that university. More importantly, he didn’t want things to slowly become awkward, not after the first normal conversation with a human he’s had without Hypnos around. He waited until he heard footsteps going down the stairs, then waited an extra minute or two just to be safe before emerging from the bathroom. Thanatos grabbed his sketchbook and pulled on his jacket, noting that the young man had taken both empty cans with him on his way downstairs. It was considerate of him, and something Thanatos definitely appreciated.
He began making his way down the stairs. The second floor wasn’t nearly as crowded as before, but the stairs to the first floor were a nightmare. Everyone had gathered to watch the performances from whatever vantage point they could find, which included taking advantage of the higher elevation the stairs granted, making it difficult to move quickly.
Thanatos registered someone talking on a microphone, and then applause from the people around him. It felt too loud to process what was being said, so he didn’t try, focused entirely on the task at hand. Cautiously, he made his way down two steps before he got stuck again as the crowd on the stairs shifted to applaud again. Sighing, he leaned against the wall, looking out to the living room. He might as well take in some of the entertainment while he was stuck there.
The young man from before was holding a microphone opposite another student, the band preparing sheet music behind them. He had removed his beanie, revealing messy brown-black hair that traveled down his neck. He seemed to be discussing something with his duet partner. When the two gave the band the signal, the two immediately began their number.
Thanatos was captivated. It was as though a switch was flipped and the man exuded a confidence he hadn't before, owning the performance space as if it were all his own, the duet partner fading in his shadow. All eyes were on him, and Thanatos was no exception.
The piece ended too quickly. Thanatos probably would have stayed the whole night had it been just the young man performing the whole time. In fact, he almost wished the guy had sung while they were up on the third floor. Almost like a private concert.
It was a dumb, fanciful idea. And also one that he acknowledged was needlessly possessive over someone he had only just met.
Thanatos clapped with the others, and managed to make it down the stairs in one piece. The young man caught his eye as Thanatos neared the door and gave a small wave. Not knowing what else to do, Thanatos gave a small thumbs up and waved back before slipping out the door into the cool night air.
It was only as he was putting his keys in the apartment door that he realized he probably should have asked the guy for his name.
***
"So let me get this straight." Hypnos was curled under a blanket, having called two days after the party to get more details. Thanatos had simply texted that maybe it had been an ok experience, but his twin was desperate to hear more.
"You? Straight?"
"Pfft. I could say the same about you! Remember, I know the names of everyone you ever slept with and so help me I will bring them all up right now and we'll unpack each of those those little fiascoes in addition to this current one."
Thanatos groaned. He really didn't want to go through this. Social decorum wasn't his strong suit and going over it again just made him want to sink into the floor. It just hammered home how big a miss it had been. "I didn't sleep with the guy so why are you lumping him in with that bunch?"
"It's the principle of the matter. How can you just forget to ask someone's name? That is a new low, bro."
"Thank you so much for rubbing it in, I really appreciate it. It's not as though I spent the last day or two replaying the whole thing over and over in my head."
"I know that’s what you’ve been doing, but it's just beyond me how you manage to somehow attract a person to talk to you when you're hiding on the third floor, said person brings you beer unprompted, and then said person is also stupidly talented and probably worth talking to more, and then you don't stick the landing by asking the most basic of questions." Hypnos was gesturing as he spoke, but instead of taking his hands out of the blanket, the gestures came across as slow movements under the fabric. It gave the impression that his blanket was sentient and preferred to be near its owner at all times.
"Tsk." Thanatos was finishing up his arm anatomy study as they were talking. Why should Hypnos even be surprised by this? It probably wasn't the first time he had done something like that, and it probably won't be the last.
"Don't you 'tsk' me! I'm just trying to figure this all out."
"What's there to figure out? I'm a disaster and you and I both know it." He decided he wanted another color to finish up the vasculature detail. Reaching over, he rummaged in his messenger bag. Instead of finding the colored pencils, though, his fingers touched a soft knit. Thanatos must have made a confused noise, because Hypnos asked if everything was ok. But it wasn't something that was wrong so much as something that was perplexing. He had pulled out a red beanie, the colored pencils tucked and rolled inside it. The same beanie that the guy at the party had been missing while he performed. He held it up to the camera for Hypnos to see.
"What, you got a new hat?" Hypnos asked, leaning closer to the camera as he tried to get a better look, his amber eyes looking more red than normal.
"How stoned are you? When have you ever seen me wear red?"
"Fair point. So what's with the hat?"
"I think this belongs to that guy."
Hypnos made a humming sound, nodding. And then a smile slowly spread across his face. "You must have made quite the impression! Hiding his hat in your bag so you could find it later, what a gesture!"
"Well, I can't deny that it's…something." Thanatos took the pencils out from the beanie and set it aside. He'd figure out what to do about it later. How can he return a hat when he didn’t even know the owner’s name? "Anyway, can we please change the subject? Maybe talk about what we'll do for our birthday when I go visit you in a week?"
Hypnos stuck out his tongue but obliged. Time slipped by, a mix of talking with comfortable silences. Finally, Thanatos finished his drawing and held out up for Hypnos to see.
"Nice! You have the exam soon, right?"
"Next week, I take it right before I head out to your place."
"Awesome! You'll do great if that drawing is anything to go by. I should hop off now and study, myself."
"Were you just playing Smash with the sound muted this whole time?"
"You bet your ass! Talk to you soon, bro." With that they hung up the call, Thanatos closing his laptop.
It was late, but he still needed to start on hand anatomy in case there was a pop quiz in class. He sharpened his pencil and flipped to a fresh page.
It was only when he brought his pencil into contact with the paper that he finally registered what he was seeing.
There was a note, scribbled in red, on the top of the page.
In the event you feel like returning my hat - XXX-XXX-XXXX
Thanatos just stared. Grand gesture, indeed. His hand seemed to move on its own as it reached for his phone, tapping the number in. He moved on autopilot, barely thinking, only registering what he had done the moment he hit send.
I take it you'd like the hat back, then?
Almost immediately, a response came back.
Absolutely! I see you finally found my note.
What should I call someone who sneaks hats into stranger's bags and then writes on their property?
Zagreus. And what do I call someone who prefers hiding all alone at parties?
Thanatos.