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Tommy exits the prison, the sunlight harsh on his blue-gray eyes after being trapped for so long. As he steps out, his eyes squint and his arm automatically rises to shield himself. He hears the clank of Sam’s armor behind him as Sam tentatively follows him out.
“Tommy, I really am sorry about everything, I wish- “
Tommy cuts him off abruptly, his voice revealing how exhausted he feels, “Just stop. . . Sam, there’s nothing you could say that would make this okay. . . or make me forgive you.”
Tommy began walking away from the prison and the psychopath within it. Somehow, the weight in his bones did not let up. He could see his hotel in the distance and decided that he might as well return to it. Maybe he would be able to see Sam Nook. As much as the creeper-hybrid ruined their relationship, the bot he built was innocent and Tommy hoped it could bring him some comfort. As his aching bones moved toward the hotel, his hands fiddled with something. He was not aware of what he was doing, until his grip spasmed and it dropped from his hands. He bent down to pick it up, and as he did, he realized what it was. It was the compass. ‘My Tubbo’ etched into the cover. His heart constricted and he stared at it for a while, the years of memories running through his mind. After everything that happened between them, Tommy knew that Tubbo would always be his best friend.
He pivoted on his heel and began walking toward the ex-President’s new home, Snowchester. Tommy had only been there a few times; he avoided going before because he wasn’t sure where they stood after the exile. However, after his time in the void and the prison, he knew that his relationship with Tubbo is all that really matters to him.
He reached the hyper tunnel that Tubbo built, but just climbed on top of it to walk since he had no respiration helmet or trident on him. The walk was slow going, Tommy was favoring his right leg after what Dream did. Part of him doubted he would ever walk without a limp again.
As he crossed into the snow biome, the temperature dropped significantly. He wasn’t dressed for it with his tattered and ripped clothes, but he was so numb that he didn’t notice. When he got a couple more minutes into the biome, he could begin to see a large spruce and cobblestone mansion appear. He stared at it for the rest of his slow procession into Snowchester. It was huge! He hadn’t seen it there the last time he had visited; had Tubbo built it while he was trapped in the prison?
Finally, he reached Tubbo’s home, which next to that new mansion looked like nothing. He paused before hesitantly knocking. Tommy needed to see Tubbo, but what if Tubbo didn’t need to see him? What if Tubbo didn’t even know what happened? What if he didn’t believe him?
Tommy’s spiraling thoughts were cut off as the door swung open quickly, startling him. He flinched automatically; the speed of the action triggering his fight or flight.
The door opened revealing Tubbo who sounded exasperated, saying “For the love of Prime, Foolish. Just keep building. . .”
He paused, staring at Tommy. The ram hybrid’s face paled and he stumbled back, whispering “Please no, not another one.”
Tubbo just stared at him. Tommy fidgeted under his gaze, but finally, in typical fashion, boasted out a “Are you gonna let me in Big Man, or are ya gonna let me freeze out here?”
Tommy felt proud for sounding normal, while on his walk here he wasn’t sure if he would be able to sound like that kid he used to be again. Although, he ponders, he hasn’t properly been a kid in a long time, even if others tried to call him one.
Tubbo blinked at him, finally saying softly, “Tommy? Is that really you? Sam told me you were dead. I – I don’t understand.” Tubbo didn’t move from the doorway. Not trusting that Tommy was real.
“It’s me Tubbo. I – I did die. I don’t really want to talk about it, but the creeper-hybrid didn’t lie.” He couldn’t bring himself to say his name. It tasted like ash in his mouth.
Tubbo finally let Tommy in, the heat warming him up a bit. Not enough though, never enough.
“How? How are you here? I mourned you, Tommy. This is the second time. I don’t know that I can do this again.” Tubbo’s voice steadily increasing in volume and anguish.
“It was the revive book Tubbo, its real. Dream brought me back. . . wait, what do you mean about not doing this again?”
“Tommy this is the second time I thought you were dead; the second time I’ve had to greave you. It’s not exactly something I want to keep doing.”
“Well, its not like I’m doing it on purpose Big Man.” Tommy bit out, “If I could choose not to experience things that make you think I died, don’t you think I’d choose ‘em?”
Tubbo’s eye narrowed into a glare. Tommy couldn’t believe it. This was certainly not how he pictured this reunion going. A hug, maybe even Tubbo would shed a couple tears for him, but not anger. Tommy didn’t know what to do with this. How could he be angry with him for something he couldn’t control. It wasn’t like Tommy had a good time in prison or being dead. It was honestly pissing him off.
The trapdoor above their heads opened. A certain white and black ender hybrid descended the ladder quickly. Some of Ranboo’s words ran together “Tubbo? Are you okay down here? What’s happening? I heard the door open and you talking to someone, but you sounded angry. Michael got agitated hearing you upset. Who are you talking too?”
As he reached the spruce floor, Ranboo turned and froze. His red and green eyes widening enough to be comical, if not for the solemn air in the snowy house.
“Tommy? What? Are you a ghost?” Ranboo spoke, his voice wobbling a little.
“I’m not a fucking ghost, its me. Why do you both keep thinking that? Ranboo what the hell are you even doing here? Who’s Michael?” Tommy’s anger only rising seeing fucking Ranboob in his best friend’s house. He felt a strike of jealously go through him, which he knew wasn’t really fair, but when had Tommy ever been able to control his emotions.
“I – What? Tommy how are you alive, Sam said you were dead – “
Ranboo was cut off by Tommy, his voice rising to a shout, “Don’t say his name! He let me fucking die in there, I can’t stand even thinking about him. . . just stop. I can’t think about him, or about what happened. It was. . . horrible; I can’t.”
Tubbo and Ranboo glanced at each other, some sort of unspoken words exchanged before they turned back to look at Tommy. Seeing them do this, when it used to be something Tommy and Tubbo did made the anger rise more. He felt like he was going to boil over, it was just too much. He just came here to see Tubbo and now Ranboo was here, and they were friends, and they were communicating the way best friends do, and he couldn’t handle it.
Tubbo finally spoke, “Tommy, Ranboo and I are friends, he helped me cope with what happened. He’s been here for me when – when you were gone.”
Ranboo nodded along as Tubbo spoke. During the pause in Tubbo’s words his hands came up and tugged on the small ram horns on his head. It was a nervous tic that Tubbo developed during the second L’Manburg war. Tommy’s eyes automatically followed the motion, and got caught on the shining gold band on Tubbo’s left hand. It was a ring. A fucking gold ring on his left ring finger. Tommy’s brows furrowed, unable to accept what that represented.
Tubbo noticed his eyes lock on the ring, and immediately pulled the hand behind his back. Ranboo saw this and did the same, trying to be subtle with the movement. It wasn’t subtle enough as Tommy caught the motion. He had grown hypersensitive to hand movement since exhile, so the moment Ranboo’s twitched he caught it. Tommy’s eyes widened and his stomach dropped as he saw the matching gold band on Ranboo’s finger.
Tommy’s voice broke as he said, “Tubbo. . . What is that? Why are you both wearing rings?”
“Tommy, you have to understand you were gone, and – and Ranboo was there, and he’s been there for me.” Tubbo said cautiously.
“You’re not answering the question Tubbo. . . Why aren’t you answering the question?”
“. . . We got married Tommy. Me and Ranboo are married now.”
“You what? You got married. . . while was trapped in prison. While I was being tortured and killed in the prison, you got married?” Tears sprang to Tommy’s eyes, but he held back the burning in his eyes, refusing to cry in front of these two traitors.
Ranboo cut in saying “Tommy. It’s not – it’s not like that. Its just for tax purposes, not like, romance or anything.”
Tommy blinked, “You replaced me” he whispered. He made eye contact with Tubbo, the ram-hybrid’s ears drooping. “I was in there for just over a month. . . and you got married? Have we grown apart so much that you can just move on that quickly? Was I that easy to replace?”
“I’m not replacing you Tommy-“ Ranboo says.
He’s cut off by Tubbo, his anger risen, “Tommy! It was not about you! Are you stupid? Not everything’s about you. I married Ranboo because he’s my friend, just like you’re my friend. Also, I thought you were dead Tommy. Not just locked up, not just exiled, dead. Dead! I didn’t think you were coming back. People don’t come back from the dead. That was it, your last life. What do you want from me Tommy? I’m not just going to give up because you’re gone – even if I wanted to” That last part was whispered.
Tommy almost didn’t even hear it. The words may have just reached him, but they weren’t being processed. All Tommy could see were the rings, and the shared looks. The numbness that overcame him was overpowering. Tommy felt empty as the realization that Dream had finally succeeded in making him lose everything sunk in.
He was silent and unmoving long enough that Ranboo and Tubbo exchanged another look; this one concerned. Tubbo’s anger cooled, and he took as step toward Tommy. He didn’t even register the action till Tubbo was right in front of him and reaching his hand out. When the hand moved, Tommy stuttered back.
“I – I’m gonna go. I need to go.”
“Tommy, I’m not sure you should, we should really talk through this.” Ranboo pleaded.
“No. No. I’m going. I have to go. . . It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. . . I – I’ll go.”
Tommy had to get out of this house right now. He needed air, immediately. His body turned and rushed out the door. Ranboo went to take a step to follow him, but Tubbo grabbed his arm and shook his head sadly.
He said to Ranboo, “Let him go Boo. He needs space right now, and frankly so do I.”
Back in the freezing tundra, Tommy stumbles away from the house. He’s not really looking where he’s going and has no destination in mind. He just knows that he needs out. His mind is spiraling, hard. All he can see are the looks Tubbo and Ranboo shared. He can hear Tubbo shouting at him for being selfish and annoying again. He can feel the glare Tubbo sent him when he first walked in. How had this happened? After everything, after all the loss and wars, how had he lost Tubbo? Tubbo was supposed to be the one he always had. No matter what dumb shit he pulled or what horrible things Dream made him think, Tubbo was supposed to be there. His constant. His person.
The realization hits Tommy suddenly. He has nothing. Officially, Tommy has lost everything. He thought he knew loss after L’Manburg was gone, he thought he knew loss after being exiled, but it turns out he was wrong. With this new knowledge, a scream crawls it’s way out of Tommy’s throat. He couldn’t hold it back if he wanted to. The sound was haunting and filled with agony beyond his years. It was the only way he could let out some of the pain that had found its way into his thin beaten body. When his throat finally gave out, so did his body. His knees buckled, and he plunged into the snow.
He didn’t notice the other person that had run over after hearing the horrifying scream. He didn’t see them approach, and he didn’t hear them say his name.
“Tommy? Tommy? Hey, are you okay? Well obviously not, hearing that. . . but what’s wrong?” Foolish says as he steps closer to the collapsed kid. Foolish had never, in all his many lives, heard quite such a heartbroken sound. He definitely never expected to hear it from a human child barely over 17.
Tommy, only noticing that someone else was there once feet entered his vision, looked up. He made eye contact with the totem-shark god, but he couldn’t really make out the expression on their face because the tears in his eyes were blurring his vision.
When Foolish saw how distraught and damaged the blond child looked, he kneeled into the snow, ignoring the wet coldness in favor of comforting the small body in front of him.
“Can I hug you, Tommy? You seem like you could use one. You, uh, don’t have to say yes, but I don’t really know how else to comfort you.” Foolish scratches the back of his head.
Tommy blinks at him, considering the offer. He hadn’t been the biggest fan of touch after Dream, but with how empty and cold he felt, the thought of someone offering a hug didn’t seem that bad. Foolish’s mouth twitched, and he shifted his weight. Tommy had just been staring at him for a while, and he felt a little uncomfortable.
Finally, Tommy broke the silence, a scratchy, “Yea, sure big man. Just move slow, and not too tight please.”
Foolish moved slowly, making sure Tommy could see all the movements he was making. Eventually, his arms were around the tall blond and he lightly maneuvered Tommy so that he almost in his lap to make it more comfortable for both of them.
Tommy shuddered in the hold once he settled. He couldn’t quite remember the last time he received a real hug. He found he actually couldn’t remember the last time someone had tried to comfort him like this. Possibly Wilbur back in Pogtopia, but that was close to a year ago. It couldn’t have been that long ago, could it?
“What, uh, what happened Tommy? If you wanna talk about it. . .” Foolish asked softly. He was curious to hear what had set the typically boisterous teen off like this. Foolish had not interacted much with Tommy previously, but he’d heard snippets from the others on the server. Also, working for Tubbo and Ranboo on the mansion meant that he had been speaking to them quite a lot, so he’d heard a couple things from them as well.
“Foolish. I don’t think I can remember the last time someone hugged me without turning around and betraying me.”
“What? That can’t be true Tommy.” Foolish certainly hoped it wasn’t true. He didn’t really want to think about what it meant if the kid couldn’t recall the last time he had been properly hugged by someone he could trust.
“It is, Foolish. I’m broken. . . I’ve lost everything. . . I have nothing left.”
“Oh Tommy. You’re not broken, maybe you’ve got some trauma, but nobody’s really broken. You also certainly haven’t lost everything. You have friends still don’t you?” Foolish tried to reassured Tommy.
Tommy huffed, “Foolish you have no idea what I’ve been through. I fought in wars on the front lines. I lost two lives before I had turned 17. Then, I lost the place I fought and died for when I was exiled the first time. I got it back only for it to be blown up again, and after rebuilding it I was exiled by my best friend. In that exile, I was manipulated and abused by Dream. Eventually, people found out, although it was a little too late for me then. He got put in prison, and finally when I thought it was done, he killed me. I entered that prison cell to get closure and heal, and then he took my last life. He beat me to death with his bare hands and sent me to the void. The void was horrible, Foolish. The man I thought was my brother in life was not the same one I knew in death. After the pain of the void, Dream pulled me piece by piece out and brought me back to life. I had to spend days in that cell with him after he killed and revived me. When I finally got out, the only thing I wanted to do was see my best friend. After everything we’d been through, I knew that I needed him. Even if we fought, we were best friends. . . or that what I thought.” Throughout this whole explanation Tommy didn’t cry. He had nothing left to give. His voice was steady, if quiet.
Foolish took in the story. He knew that Tommy had been through hell, but hearing the kid just talk through it like that made his heart clench. Foolish was also aware that the explanation Tommy gave only scratched the surface of the injustices he had faced. Tommy gave him the highlights reel, and that thought made him sick to his stomach. He held the thin blond just a little tighter, hoping he could comfort the kid just a little bit.
After listening and taking it in, Foolish finally spoke, “What do you mean ‘that’s what you thought’ at the end? What happened with you and Tubbo?”
Tommy took a shuddering breath. “He replaced me Foolish. I was locked up for one month and died, and Tubbo got married and replaced me with Ranboo. I can’t really blame Ranboo though. He’s just so much better than me. At least he’s calm and not annoying and selfish all the time.”
Foolish blinked as he tried to process what Tommy was saying. He didn’t agree with Tommy’s thoughts that Tubbo had just moved on from him. He has seen firsthand how the kid had grieved when he found out about Tommy’s final death. He also didn’t like the way Tommy put himself down. As he went to try to tell Tommy his thoughts, he was interrupted.
“You know what’s the worst part Foolish?”
“What?” Foolish wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but he felt that he should ask anyway.
“It’s that I know there won’t even be peace in death. I have given up everything. I have lost everything. There is no one and nothing left for me in life now, but after dying and being trapped in the hell of the void, I know that dying isn’t any better than this. . . What am I supposed to do with that? What am I supposed to do now?” Somehow there were more tears. Tommy had thought they were all gone, but saying that out loud, speaking that, pulled more from his spent body. What was he to do? Life had taken and taken from him. Every time he tried to pick himself back up, something came along and pulled him back under the waves. He was drowning. Unfortunately, he knew he wouldn’t be able to find dangerous comfort in staring at lava too long or looking down from a large height. After the torture he endured after death, he knew that that was no longer an answer he could ponder.
Tears trailed down Foolish’s cheeks as well. He could barely comprehend the sorrow that was encompassed in the kid’s bruised body. He didn’t know how to respond to what he said. What could you say to someone who has been through so much pain and suffering? Centuries of years in existence, and Foolish had nothing to say. He just kept holding the frail child, hoping that one day the boy could find peace.