Work Text:
Falling off a board gives you a rush like no other. Call Reki strange or a masochist even, but there’s just something special about going face first at the pavement as the world slows around you yet quickens faster than ever within seconds. You hit a rock and suddenly you must go through the possibility of dying when just moments ago you were riding with the wind in your face and a sore in your legs. Sure, simply skating on the sidewalk didn’t pose such a threat. However, racing against those who are more than willing (and at most times desperate) to shove you off a rocky ledge is the biggest threat Reki willingly faces almost every night.
Maybe that same determination in Reki is what got him laying alone in a hospital bed in the first place. He knew that it was probably best if he messaged his mom that he was as injured as he was, but she didn’t need to see him like this. Let alone his sisters. So he left a quick message about spending the night at Langa’s in hopes that she wouldn’t stop by to check. Granted, he snuck off every night and she didn’t pay much mind to that so he didn’t worry much.
What he did worry about was what Langa would say. Of course he didn’t tell him yet, what was he supposed to say? “Hey sorry, I accepted that beef with some random guy that said you were a shit skater and he beat my ass more than I’d ever like to admit sorry that I suck?” That was more humiliating than the loss itself. He could accept a loss, he was growing more and more used to it, but admitting to Langa that he got hurt in a failed attempt to defend his friend's honour would hurt a lot worse than anything physical. Langa didn’t even care about that kind of stuff but something deep in Reki’s chest seemed to snap at the words. The sheer irrationality of the situation was pathetic, Reki couldn’t even recall the guy's name. All he could remember was that assholes smirk right before he was getting his face pressed against the rocky ground below them before tumbling down a (luckily not too steep) slope of dirt and sharp stones.
The rush of falling while practicing a trick is very unlike that of deliberate attempt to hurt you. A trick is full of hope and possibility, and while the frustration of failing over and over again builds inside you and rushes through your every muscle, it’s worth it when you finally nail it. Falling is just part of the process that makes you want to get back up and try again. But being pushed? Being grabbed and slammed and hit? It’s a rush of fear, of the unknown. The thoughts that creep up on you questioning whether or not this will be the time you hit your head just a little too hard, fall at just the wrong angle, collapse the wrong way. It’s not a rush of anything but regret and wonder in the worst of ways. Maybe others thrive on it, maybe even Langa can handle it. Cherry, Joe, Miya, all of them can seem to push past that fear and keep going.
Reki is too weak for that.
He feels that fear, those thoughts, and suddenly he can’t move. He lets himself fall victim to the worries that course through him and here he is suffering the consequences.
The sound of his phone buzzing jerks Reki back to reality and out of his lingering thoughts. He reaches over, groaning over the ache of everything in his body, and grabs his phone from the nightstand. He squinted at the brightness of the screen as it shone in the dark hospital room.
LANGA> wanna go to s tonight?
Fuck.
Reki let out a breath and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
< can’t .-. I have a lot of homework and my mom wants me to get it done ahead of time
LANGA> oo okay, i could come over to help, I also have some work I need to catch up on. I haven’t slept much lately.
Curse Langa for wanting to hang out with Reki just as much as he knew he wanted to as well. His heart fluttered embarrassingly so at the thought of Langa pushing in the very slightest just to see him. Reki shoved the feeling down. He didn’t need to think about that right now, no way.
< i don’t think my mom would want anyone over im sorry, i dont think she trusts me to get work done if youre here lol
He clicked send and sat for a minute before ignoring all of his pain to sit straight up - eyes wide as he reread his message. The implication was there. Clear as day, to Reki at least. Langa was clueless when it came to any sort of flirtation, he never caught on when girls would flirt with him and he most certainly never made a move on any of them. Was there any chance he would pick up on the slightest implication if it was from Reki? The girls were so direct that there’s no way something like that would be what he picks up on.
Right?
LANGA> haha would she make us keep the door open or something?
Reki read that one to himself more times than he would like to admit. He knew Langa didn’t mean it like that, he knew with every fiber of his being. But the image of them alone in his room made his heart pound hard in his chest. He couldn’t seem to remember feeling so giddy before now, well, not since…
LANGA> still there?
He didn’t realize that he’d left the other on read for a solid five minutes, stuck in his own head about thoughts he swore he’d lock away. Boys weren’t supposed to make him feel this way.
< yeah yeah sorry, got stuck on a que
LANGA> where are you?
Reki stopped typing as soon as the message came in, glaring at him from his screen as his heart ceased to beat and a chorus of thoughts echoed in his mind. The flurry of questions and potentials nearly caused him to drop his phone. How would Langa know he isn’t home? Does his mom know too? Did she go to Langa’s house looking for him? Did something happen? Who got hurt? Is Langa actually some crazy stalker and has been watching him secretly this whole time-
LANGA> that sounded weird im so sorry i may or may not have already been on my way over when you said no
< does my mom know???? That im gone that is??
LANGA> the second your mom saw me she asked what i was doing here if you were already at my house. I said i needed to grab something you’d left cause i assumed you’d be at s or something and needed to use my house as a reason you weren’t home
Reki let out a harsh breath of relief, easing his muscles that he was suddenly aware of in terms of sheer pain and soreness.
< thank you for covering for me
LANGA> of course, but can you please tell me what’s going on? Are you okay?
Reki paused for a moment, glad that Langa couldn’t see his impulse tweets (on account of the fact that the other just didn’t have any sort of social media). The realization that he downright lied to his best friend, the closest person he had in his life, caused his heart to sink. He didn’t want Langa to worry, he hated the idea of being the reason someone he cared so deeply for would have to stress so much. All because Reki can’t hold back like the others can. He can’t brush the harsh comments off his shoulders - let alone if they’re directed towards one of the only things he has to hold onto any more. Not when that dickhead crossed the line that he did.
LANGA> reki please
How could he say no to that.
< ... hospital
LANGA> ????? WHAT
< im sorry im sorry im okay i promise, just got a little more bruised up than usual
LANGA> how bad is it???? Im coming over what room are you in
< it’s okay please dont come all the way down just because i suck at skating
LANGA> you like that black raspberry ice cream, right?
< uh, yes?
LANGA> what room reki
< 2B
LANGA is typing…
Reki put his phone back on the side table, ignoring the constant buzzing of the device as a couple more texts came in. Langa was coming to see him, well past midnight, and was probably buying him his favourite ice cream (that he knew for a fact he’d only mentioned once in a passing comment). He should’ve just pretended to fall asleep, he should’ve come up with something smarter.
At least the hospital room was kind of nice. A small plant sat alone on the windowsill and the curtains were open, allowing rays of moonlight to shine against the surfaces of everything they touched. It was almost peaceful. It was raining ever so slightly and the sound provided a calming white noise. Suddenly the heavy air was lifting and it was all due to the very thought that Langa cared enough to do all that he was doing. That he remembered Reki’s favourite ice cream, that he didn’t hesitate whatsoever to rush down to the hospital. All for him…
Reki was still, however, painfully aware of his injuries. He could downplay them all he wanted, but anyone that set eyes on him would think he got jumped by more than 20 people using baseball bats and knives. His right cheek was covered by a heavy bandage, another few band aids scattered around the rest of his face. His eye was flaunting colours of blue and purple and a sickening yellow as the bruise began to settle in. His shoulder had dislocated which was luckily an easy enough fix. The rest of his arm had bent in ways that caused him to throw back up all the food Langa convinced him to eat earlier that day. Reki’s ribs screamed in the worst type of pain and ached with every breath he took. But worse of all?
His ankle.
The doctor was quite calm when looking at it and attempting to explain to Reki that a sprained ankle was going to take some time to heal and recover. The idea of not standing on it for as long as requested caused Reki’s stomach to plunge and his heart to jump to his throat. He’d throw up again if he had anything left in his stomach. The brief revisit of the memory caused Reki’s eyes to sting ever so slightly. He hated crying, he hated allowing his insecurities and everything he let build up finally spill through tears. But he couldn’t help it. Everything was settling in as he realized that he wouldn’t be able to skate tomorrow, or the day after that, he didn’t know when.
That’s when the rest of his anxieties began to fester, yelling and chanting in his mind that the doctor would come in the next day and tell him he’d never walk again. He knew deep down that he would be okay, that it was just a minimal stretch rather than a full on tear. He was even told that he was lucky that it wasn’t any worse than that considering his other injuries.
The bruised ribs would hinder his skating for much longer than he wanted to think about. But Reki couldn’t stop his brain from now fixating on the fact that as his breathing quickened, the pain increased. Hot tears began to spill, his throat felt as though it was closing up and the world was fading away as all Reki could focus on was how the second he got out of this hospital he couldn’t get on his board the rain was muffled and he couldn’t seem to breathe oh god his ribs must have collapsed and now his hands are numb he’s dying he’s dying he’s dying-
“Reki!”
The world was underwater.
“Reki, listen to me, you’re okay.”
His head was shaking back and forth without even meaning to. A rejection of the reassurance.
“You are here, you’re still here and you’re with me. I’m going to put my hand on your shoulder, okay? Is that alright?”
All he could get out was a soft “yes” in the form of a near pathetic whimper.
Suddenly the pressure of a familiar hand was on his shoulder, dragging him out of the water of his mind and pushing him back down to reality. The room was coming back into focus and Reki had barely noticed that his vision had gone in the first place. A blurry figure with blue hair stood over him, but not so close that he felt trapped.
He could hear his breaths heavy and frantic now, the space around him no longer muffled. It was all clear now, if anything too clear to him. Reki could identify the drops of water falling against the window and now all he wanted to do was slow his breathing so that he didn’t have to hear himself hyperventilate.
Even worse was that he could also tell that the person with him was Langa. Langa, standing there, watching his best friend close in on himself and become smaller than he’d ever been before.
Langa didn’t like the sight any more than Reki did showing it. There was just something inherently gut wrenching about seeing the other with red, tear stained cheeks, collapse into himself and cling to the bed sheets with such force that his knuckles were sheer white. It didn’t even seem that Reki knew he was doing it. But his eyes were adjusting, as if he was seeing again for the first time, before landing on Langa with such a fear behind them. Waves of embarrassment yet pleading for help gazed into Langa’s own eyes, as if he didn’t know what to do with himself or like he even knew how to breathe.
Langa gently grabbed the other’s hand and pressed it against his own heart. He closed his eyes and took slow, demonstrating breaths. Reki took a second before finally following suit, taking in an immensely shaky first breath and letting it out in time with Langa’s. He could feel his heart beating softly beneath Reki’s trembling hand and all he wanted to do was help the other feel okay. To feel safe, some sense of calmness, anything that wasn’t the hurricane of emotions he knew Reki was being taken over by.
They remained doing so for about ten straight minutes, not that either of them knew that. It felt like hours and seconds all at the same time until Reki’s breaths were fully lined up with Langa’s and his eyes were fixated on blue gleaming in the moonlight. Reki’s hand finally stopped shaking and he let it fall as he jerked his gaze away. The two sat in silence, neither knowing what to say or how to break the lack of sound that sat so heavily in the air. What could be said after what just happened?
So Langa didn’t say much, just a simple word.
“Scooch.”
Reki looked over with a confused look, sniffling and wiping his nose. “Huh?”
“Scooch over.” The redhead did what he was told hesitantly when suddenly Langa was lying awkwardly in the hospital bed next to him. He felt his face go hot again as he turned his head fully to see the boy with his blue hair staring right back at him.
Miya ranting about how oblivious some people are echoed in the back of his mind.
“What are you... what-”
“My legs hurt from skating over.”
“You skate all the time, Langa.”
“Not usually that fast, okay?”
This boy was going to be the death of him. Reki and Langa simply stared at each other for another minute before breaking out into laughter. Reki realized that there was nothing he wouldn’t do to hear the other’s laugh every second he could.
“How are you so good at that?”
Langa tilted his head, “at what?”
“Calming people down?”
The boy with blue hair shrugged. “Stuff was… difficult, after my dad died. I used to get really bad panic attacks so my mom taught me how to come down from them.”
Reki nodded in acknowledgement, knowing not to push any further on the topic of Langa and the aftermath of his fathers death.
“How did you even get the staff to let you in this late?” Reki creased his eyebrows.
“I told them your name and they considered it an emergency visit, since you’d refused to tell them anyone you knew that could come visit you.” Langa said this with a teasing tone, pouting his lips before letting out a slight giggle.
Reki mirrored the laugh. “You’re crazy.”
Langa opened his mouth slightly but hesitated and closed it. Instead, he gave a slight shrug and a gentle smile before deciding on something to say. “You’re the one that got injured. This is the worst I’ve ever seen you! What even happened?”
Reki’s smile faded as he looked away, sighing and closing his eyes as the memories swarmed back to mind.
A couple nights ago he and Langa were watching an S race, as they do. Everything was fine and normal and frankly, Reki was genuinely happy and content with life in that moment. This was what he wanted, he wanted to experience happiness with…
But then they made their way out to leave when someone stopped Reki, who made the mistake of telling Langa that he would meet him out there, that he’d only be just a second. Which wasn’t too far from the truth, but what happened in that fraction of time would prove to be the start of a string of events that led him straight to the hospital. Why was he so close to someone so much more talented that he was? Why did he follow Snow around like a lost little puppy? Why skate to have fun when the only fun part about skating is actually being good at it? Why race when he sucks? Why is he so obsessed with Snow?
Is he gay or something?
He couldn’t back down after that. They didn’t even settle on a bet, the only thing being proven in the race was that Reki was, indeed, a shit skater.
“Reki?”
He shook his head slightly to avoid losing himself to his thoughts once more as he looked back at Langa.
“Hm?”
Langa pouted again. “What happened?”
“I just… I don’t, shit I…” The words were refusing to spill from his lips, despite the fact that he didn’t even know what those words were.
“First thing that comes to your head.”
“I suck at skating, okay? I can’t skate to save my life, it’s fun when it’s just us, I… cause with you it’s, fuck.” Reki groaned and rubbed his eyes before covering his face with his hands completely. “I don’t know how to take assholes like you or the others can. Someone says something mildly offensive and suddenly I do everything in my power to combat that knowing that I can’t.”
Langa sat with the words that hung in the air for a second before taking a deep breath. “You don’t suck, Reki. You can’t lie to me and say that you do. You’re amazing because you have fun, remember?”
Reki nearly scoffed. “Fun… like we talked about, huh? When that whole thing with Adam was happening? Yeah, I know but it’s just, I wasn’t having fun when all I could think about was what he said…”
“And what was that?”
Reki’s heart was pounding out of his chest. He couldn’t put his feelings into words because he didn’t know what those feelings were. All he knew was that he felt them when he was with Langa. He felt his heart race, his face redden and burn, his hands would sweat embarrassingly so, he would stumble over his words but none of that stemmed from a bad feeling. He didn’t hate the way Langa made him feel despite how gross the hand sweat was. How was Reki supposed to put that feeling into words? That Langa’s smile warmed his chest and caused his stomach to churn when the other laughed. That when he watched videos of them skating together he would catch himself smiling like a complete idiot? That he would look at Cherry and Joe when they got together and feel himself yearning for what they had?
Coming to terms with being trans was hard enough. It’s not like he was oblivious to being lgbt, he just never thought he was anything outside the t. He was good at being stealth, his family was supportive beyond expectation so it’s not like Reki had much to worry about in terms of wanting to medically transition and being able to do so earlier than many. There were only a handful of people that even knew that he was trans, and he hid that side of his life away from any and everyone. He didn’t need that kind of attention or judgement thrust upon him. Reki knew being trans made him far from normal, but at least he thought he was straight. At least he had that. Until a boy that he skated with brought blooming flowers out of Reki, growing out of his chest before that boy left him all alone.
And now? That blooming was back, the flowers in his chest and weeds in his stomach were back and growing quicker than ever before. He didn’t know what to do about it aside from cut them away and keep them down. But now this boy was lying beside him after skating faster than he’d ever done before, all to see Reki’s dumb ass. What was he supposed to do with this information?
“I, well I think…”
“You don’t have to tell me, I just want to help, but don’t say anything you aren’t comfortable-”
“I think I’m bisexual.”
Silence.
Deafening silence.
Agonizing… silence.
And then, there were arms around him. Well, as much as there could be with the two of them lying awkwardly in such a small space.
But they were around him nonetheless, and he felt the hot tears start to fall once again. Neither of them said anything for the rest of the night. But this silence wasn’t anything far from calming. It was like the hug Langa gave him until he fell asleep, safe in Langa’s arms. The next morning would come, Langa would be asleep in one of the chairs after the morning staff came in and told him he wasn’t allowed to sleep in such a badly injured patient's bed. The two would wake up well into the afternoon, Langa panicking after realizing that he forgot about the ice cream he brought (Reki’s favourite flavour of course) and that it had melted completely. Reki would laugh loud and proudly, telling Langa that he would drink it for a dollar and continuing to drink it anyways. It was worth the bubbles of laughs that came from Langa’s chest before the other had to go home. Reki would be alone once more, but Langa would promise to come back soon.
Which Reki didn’t doubt for a single second.
Langa always came back, and for now? That’s all he needed.