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i. Reki was nine years old when he first met Langa.
Reki woke up to the sound of a moving truck and voices. He got up, walked to his window, and watched intently what was all the fuss about. From his bedroom window, he could see two men emptying the truck, a tall man giving the two others instructions, and a woman standing next to her son. The boy seemed approximately the same age as Reki, according to his height. Excited to have new neighbours, and maybe a new friend, Reki ran towards the kitchen where his family was eating breakfast. He asked his mother if he could go meet the new neighbours, and she told him they could, but he had to eat breakfast first. He ate his breakfast and gulped down his orange juice in no time.
When Reki and his mother crossed the lawn, the truck had been gone. Reki’s mother rang the bell, and they waited patiently. When the tall man Reki saw earlier opened the door, he and his mother bowed politely and introduced themselves and welcomed the new family in the neighbourhood. Reki asked if he could play with the other boy. He waited for him outside, and they decided to go play at the park, monitored by their mothers.
Reki learned that Langa Hasegawa’s Japanese wasn’t exactly on point because he came from Canada, but they easily got along pretty well. Langa’s mother was Japanese and his father was a French Canadian. The Hasegawa family bought the house as a second one for the summer, because they lived in Montreal, Canada all year-long. They spent the rest of the summer together, Reki showing Langa places and people with whom he usually hung out, though there weren’t much because Reki wasn’t exactly the popular kid at school. He even showed Langa how to skateboard, which over the years became their favourite activity. Reki and Langa became good friends quickly, and when Langa had to leave at the end of summer, they promised to keep in touch. As long as Langa would come back to Okinawa the next year, Reki didn’t really mind the distance.
ii. Reki was thirteen years old when he discovered his sexual orientation.
Ever since Langa moved in the house next door, summer became Reki’s favourite season because it meant that his best friend would be back in town. Throughout the rest of the year, they sent each other emails and postcards, but they rarely had time to talk in real time because of the jet lag.
That summer, when the Hasegawa’s car pulled into the driveway next door and Langa walked out of it, the age gap between Reki and Langa hit him straight away. Langa’s appearance had changed drastically over the last year. His jawline was as sharp as a razor blade, his shoulders seemed broader, and he grew a few inches tall. Not to mention the abs he developed when he started to hit the gym. The next day, when they went to the beach, Reki pretended he wanted to tan his back so he could hide the bulge in his swimsuit by lying down on his stomach and watched as Langa swam in the water by himself. That night, he googled ‘How to know if you’re gay’ and stayed up all night, thinking about what it all meant.
When Reki realized he was attracted to Langa, it was a complete surprise to him, mixed with a bit of confusion, but in the end, it didn’t change anything. He didn’t change anything. He didn’t want the risk of losing his best friend over a stupid crush. Langa was still the same, except he was suddenly very attractive in Reki’s eyes.
iii. Reki was sixteen years old when he got his first kiss.
Because he started a new job at the local skateboard shop, Reki didn’t have as much time as he used to to be with Langa. Though, he still had his entire evenings and two days off a week, so they hung out as much as they could. Most days, Langa showed up at his workplace and they had lunch in the parking lot. Some days, Reki’s co-worker Miya, a black haired kid who was a candidate for Japan’s national team, joined them during lunch time. They all became good friends within a week.
At the end of July, Reki and Langa decided to go to see the fireworks at the Nago Summer Festival. Langa got his driver’s license before Reki, so he drove them to the city with his new car. They enjoyed the freedom it procured them, and the practical side of it. Langa parked his car a few streets farther, and they walked to the site, savouring in the scent of food trucks and the perfect weather. Reki brought an old blanket so they could sit on it while waiting for the show to begin. They bought popcorn and sodas, and talked until the fireworks began. They hollered and clapped hands with the crowd, enjoying the colourful explosions in the sky. When they came back to Langa’s, they decided to lie down in the backyard so they could watch the stars before going to sleep. Reki placed the blanket under their bodies, and they lay down, shoulder to shoulder. At one point, Reki realized he stopped breathing because all he could think of was how close Langa’s body was to his. After a moment of silence, Reki admitted he’s never been kissed and asked Langa what it felt like to kiss someone. He wasn’t sure at first if Langa even heard him or fell asleep, but then the blue haired boy turned on his stomach and pressed his lips against Reki’s. When Langa pulled back without any word, Reki smiled up at the sky, thanking the stars for having put Langa in his life.
iv. Reki was seventeen years old when he discovered what being loved felt like.
The next summer, things were different than every other summer they shared so far. Different, better, magical. Reki finally admitted his crush to his best friend, after holding it in for so many years. To his surprise, Langa seemed to reciprocate his feelings. That summer, they started dating. It was a summer filled with blooming emotions, kisses behind closed doors, quickies while one’s parents weren’t home, and sleepless nights where they would just lie in Langa’s backyard and stare at the stars. Reki still worked at Dope Sketch with Miya, but when he wasn’t scheduled, he spent all of his days off with Langa. They went to the beach numerous times, wandered around the city with their skateboards to watch the sunset after dinner, and sometimes, they grabbed ice cream at the local ice cream parlour. Every time they went there, Reki tried a new flavour while Langa always took vanilla ice cream.
Holding hands with Langa felt natural. Kissing him always felt like a thousand fireworks in his whole body, just like the first time. But most importantly, being loved by Langa was the best feeling Reki ever felt in his entire life. The best, the strongest, and the purest.
When Langa left at the end of the summer, he promised Reki to call him as much as possible, though he warned him that he’d probably be busy with college. The first night after he left, Reki used the Hasegawa’s spare key to sleep in Langa’s bed. He rolled onto his side, cuddled one of the pillow into his chest, and breathed in Langa’s scent, impatient to see him again.
v. Reki was eighteen years old when his heart broke for the first time.
When Langa broke up with Reki during winter, Reki never saw it coming. Langa said it was because he didn’t really want a long distance relationship, and that he was too busy with school. Reki was shattered. He’s never felt this broken before, not even when his parents got divorced when he was fourteen, or when his dog had been hit by a car when he was eleven. All he could feel was the stinging feeling in his chest, the burn in his eyes, and the air being knocked out of his lungs. He wanted to rip off his heart from his chest and throw it in front of a pick-up truck, or tie it to a rock and drown it in the ocean. Anything. He just couldn’t stand the pain. His whole world has been bombed, and he discovered that day that love sometimes wasn’t enough.
That summer, Langa didn’t come back to Okinawa. He got an internship in Montreal and worked on weekends to pay his rent. Reki hated to admit it, but he was hoping that Langa would be back in town. Reki was still hoping they’d get back together, that summer would do its magic on them and light up the flames again, at least on Langa’s end. Reki never stopped hoping and waiting for Langa. When Langa took a week off work to visit his parents in Okinawa, he also asked Reki if they could meet. Reki wore his favourite t-shirt and hoped that Langa would want to keep things up where they left, but it was pretty much the opposite. Langa gave him back his belongings and the stuff that felt too personal to keep. Langa still cared for Reki, but it wasn’t the same as before. It wasn’t enough. When he left, Reki asked if they could at least stay friends, to which Langa agreed and wished him a good summer, without realizing that Reki’s smile and composure was all fake.
vi. Reki was nineteen years old when he discovered deception.
The next summer, when Reki saw the Hasegawa’s car pull in front of their summer house, he got out, excited to see Langa again. He’d been following him on Instagram and Snapchat, and he couldn’t wait to share new gossips with his friend, but Langa wasn’t in the car. Reki greeted Mr. and Mrs. Hasegawa, poorly hiding his deception, and they told him that Langa was spending the summer traveling with friends and that they thought he knew. Reki felt sad and hurt because Langa didn’t tell him first. His heart broke a little more this day, because he thought they were friends enough to share that kind of information. He was disappointed to notice his friendship slipping through his hands, unable to pick up the pieces.
In June, Reki gave Miya a ticket for a show he initially bought for him and Langa as a surprise. He tried to enjoy the concert, but it wasn’t the same without him. Langa was the one who introduced him to the group, and it didn’t felt right to go without him, but he pretended that it wasn’t a problem.
Reki has been pining all summer in his room, if not at work. Miya listened to him with an infinite patience, and brought him coffee everyday at work to cheer him up. He stalked Langa on social medias, learning that he was travelling in Europe with two people Reki recognized from prior posts. At least, he didn’t find anything implying that Langa was having a relationship. Though, he seemed like he was living his best life. To change his mind, Reki asked for more shifts at work, and went to as much parties as he could. He drank a lot, smoked illegally, and flirted a little. At one point, he realized that if Langa was having fun without him, so could he.
vii. Reki was twenty years old when he felt a new kind of grief.
Though things weren’t exactly going well between the two boys, it wasn’t a complete disaster either. They still exchanged some gossips, or birthdays and holidays wishes. When Langa told Reki he wouldn’t come back to Okinawa this summer, Reki asked if he could maybe fly to Montreal and spend a few days with him, to catch up on their friendship and enjoy a last summer together before he headed to university himself. It would be a great experience for both of them, exploring new paths, since they never really hung out in Langa’s hometown. If Langa was reticent at first, he accepted to host Reki for a week. Reki soon realized it was a bad idea. Even though they were very friendly, Langa was living with three other guys, so they never really had a moment alone, and he was pretty sure one of them was mocking him because of his accent. Plus, Langa couldn’t get his week off at work, so he was absent most of the time. Though, Langa was nice enough to let him have his room, while he slept on the couch. Reki felt a small sting in his heart, when he breathed in Langa’s scent in his bedsheets. He wasn’t in love with him anymore, but it still pained him to know he wasn’t enough. During the rare times where Langa was available, they didn’t do much. They played video games, they did grocery shopping, they took night walks in the city, and more often than not, they couldn’t find what to say next.
At the end of the week, they exchanged awkward goodbyes, not sure where they stood exactly. Reki realized Langa wasn’t trying hard enough to keep in touch, and he was more than tired to always be the one to reach for him. He promised himself not to be too hurt if he didn’t feel the need to talk with him anymore, but he didn’t expect him to cut him off completely before the end of summer. Reki didn’t only lose the love of his life, he realized. He also lost his best friend. And that kind of pain was the most aching one he ever felt.
viii. Reki was twenty two years old when he accepted his life.
After being cut from Langa’s life sharply and -almost- unexpectedly, Reki didn’t really knew where his life was heading anymore. He thought he wanted to study wood crafting so he’d create skateboards, but after only a semester, he quit the program. He decided to take a gap year to get over his depression and move to another city. Being rejected by his best friend really hurt him in a way he didn’t expect. He knew the break up wouldn’t do good on them, but he never thought this could tear them apart. Not like that.
He found a job in a small café, doodled some sketches he sold on Etsy, and earned a little money after his grandmother’s passing. When he recognized summer didn’t hold any good memories for him, he decided to travel to Honshu with a few friends. They found a small apartment where they could crash at night, and they found jobs as harvest labourers on the Kanto plains. This new project allowed him to be away from home, away from all the bad memories his hometown held for him. He Skyped with his mother on a daily basis, and even sent a postcard to Langa’s mother when he heard of Oliver’s passing. He didn’t ask for Langa’s news, and she didn’t give him any.
Slowly, he started to accept the fact that Langa became a completely different person over the years, and that some friendships don’t last forever. Sometimes, at night, he still would dream of a reunion, of being able to look at his phone without feeling a sting in his heart when he scrolled through his pictures, but he knew deep down that he didn’t need him anymore. Reki needed to be stronger, and he couldn’t do that if he held onto the past. So he let go of his ghosts, deleted all of his pictures, and decided to be happy on his own. When his phone was empty of all the pictures he had collected of Langa and him over the years, he opened Instagram and took a shot of the sky and posted the cliché with a simple caption.
Thnks fr th Mmrs.