Work Text:
“D-Daichi?”
“Kou…shi?”
Sugawara sat under a tree, on the grey bricks circling it. He had a cigarette in hand, ashen grey smoke moved to the side with the wind. His brown eyes widened; he blinked twice, before his eyes softened. “Daichi!” He smiled. “Hi.”
Daichi stared, for almost a full minute before he murmured “Hey,” back, in a soft, faint—weak mutter.
Suga’s eyes widened just a bit.
Suga didn’t need to be told: he knew he had changed.
The last time he’d seen Daichi was a couple weeks after graduation, because soon after they moved to different parts of the country. Five years had passed since then, and a lot had happened.
Sugawara knew his most contrasting change was that he had shaved the right side of his head. His left eyebrow was pierced, above the beauty mark that was at the lower corner of his eye. His ears were both pierced with studs, and he had snake bites – two studs below his lower lip. The cigarette in his hand kept releasing that thin trail of smoke. Suga wanted to take another puff, but he didn’t want to move. He was almost… too afraid to move, even.
Daichi was standing, only a couple steps away from Sugawara. Daichi was clad in a black business suit, the form-fitting type, hugging his sides. The look was perfected with a black tie, tied tight around his collar. Silver cufflinks studded his wrists. “Wow. You look…” He was stunned for a moment, but he added, “Different.”
“Ah, yeah…” Suga scratched the back of his head with his free hand, feeling his chest squeeze. “It’s, definitely a new look. It’s not bad, right?”
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
Sugawara stared.
Daichi resisted the urge to bite his lip; he forced a smile, realising with how much weakness he had said that.
Ever so slightly, Sugawara’s eyes twitched. He forced a nod. “You don’t look bad yourself,” he had to admit. “Business suits, uh, suit you.”
“Yeah.” Daichi just kept staring, not laughing at the pun – as he would have, many years ago. How times have changed. “What are you, uh. Doing here?”
“Well, I’m scouting.” Sugawara smiled. “I’m looking for scenery.” He brought the cigarette back to his mouth, taking a deep inhale before letting it out to the side. “To paint.”
“Paint?” Daichi’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s a first! You paint now? As a hobby, or?”
“It’s my new job, picked it up after graduation.” He stood up slowly, shoulders relaxing. “What about you? What do you do now?”
“I…” Daichi’s eyes shot to the leather collar he could now see around Sugawara’s neck. “I’m in business and—Oh!” He shuffled quickly and grabbed his phone. “Shit, I’m—I have a meeting,” he explained as he bit his lip, staring at his phone. “I’m late! I, uh.” He grabbed his wallet and pulled out a business card. “Message me sometime, I’ve gotta—”
“Gotta go,” Sugawara finished as he snatched the card. “It’s cool, go to your meeting. Good luck!”
“Thanks! Ah, uh. Suga!”
~ ~ ~
Daichi had gone to his meeting, pushing the chance encounter out of his mind. Sugawara. They were in Wakayama now, a prefecture near the southern tip of Japan—far, far away from the small-town bumpkin lands of Miyagi. The chance of bumping into an old friend, Sugawara of all people… He shook his head. After the meeting, he went to the bathroom and washed his face with ice water. He did it a few times and slapped his cheeks. Putting his hands on the sink, Daichi shook his head, shuddering.
That was just… strange.
He remembered Sugawara as the one who always had a smile on his lips, sugary sweet, an angel… Yeah, Sugawara had a fun side, a wild streak, liked to play pranks and encourage his kouhai to do bad things—but leather, and piercings. He figured tattoos wouldn’t be too far of a leap, either.
Daichi shivered.
He knew the old him—from high school—would have been thrilled to see Sugawara turn out to be such a bad boy, but Daichi was an adult now. A respectable adult, who didn’t have time for games or deviance, or those that embodied deviance.
Daichi half-wondered if he had seen a ghost, or maybe it was all a joke. Or maybe Halloween was ten months early, not that Japan really celebrated it, but he knew he was just fooling himself at that point.
He guessed the boy with the angel smile (that he had utterly fallen in love with) had grown up to be a very different person.
Yeah.
That’s all it was.
~ ~ ~
Sugawara snapped a couple pics with his camera, but when he looked at them again—the focus was all wrong. Was he even trying? Honestly though, probably not. He wanted to stay out until the sunset to get some nicer pictures, maybe until nightfall, to get different lighting on the same pics… but he ended up going home early.
When he got home, he put his camera down on his desk and crashed into the wheely chair. He looked up, at nothing in particular.
Daichi.
Daichi…
The only reason he hadn’t lost hope when he joined the volleyball club in the first year, the man whose words had always helped him, the person who was their anchor—keeping them all on the same page, keeping them focused, positive, confident—
Sugawara paused.
He used to struggle with the confident part…
In first year, when the Great Karasuno had been nothing but fallen crows…
In second year, when every spike that he had tossed for had been blocked…
In third year, when a first year took his place in the games…
His value and self-worth had become nothing. His confidence was nothing.
But Daichi, just the thought of Daichi, had kept him going, kept him focused, kept him ready.
So, for him, to have Daichi look at him, to see his face… that… disgust on his face…
Sugawara ran his hand over the shaved side of his head. He rarely thought about it anymore, though he liked the feel of the short strands. He thought about his piercings, and how he had wanted them for years. When he had finally gotten the guts to do it—he loved it. Sure, it was because of them people gave him weird looks, the most traditional of people didn’t want him around at all (some people even thought he was yakuza), but… he loved his piercings.
His thoughts, however, kept coming back to Daichi.
“Oh, gosh,” he murmured, “I still have a crush on him, don’t I?”
~ ~ ~
A few days later Daichi got a text message, from Suga. For a moment he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by nostalgia: Sugawara still used the same dumb emojis and kaomojis for happy faces. But he had to remind himself that… Well, Daichi sighed. He looked out the window of his apartment, to the city below, where cars zoomed by and people walked in masses. He looked back to his phone. Suga had asked to meet up for a few drinks.
Suga, drinking…
Okay okay, that was easy to imagine.
Though he did remember a couple times in high school when Tanaka had managed to snatch a couple beers from his sister. Nishinoya and Ennoshita had both grabbed one, Asahi had taken one with caution, and Daichi remembered thinking ‘why the hell not?’ – but Suga had waved his hand and said a simple no thanks. Suga didn’t judge anyone, just said it wasn’t really for him and that was okay.
Of course, now Suga was older, was a legal drinker.
“Well,” Daichi said as he began typing back, trying to get that uncomfortable feeling out of his mind.
~ ~ ~
Yeah, uncomfortable; It was uncomfortable.
They sat at a high table, on high chairs, at a small little bar. It was a casual, quiet place. Discreet. Sugawara could tell Daichi liked it instantly from the appreciative glance he gave when he walked in. They shared the same tastes when it came to style. Sugawara’s eyes drifted over Daichi. Today, he had gone for something more casual: A blue shirt, thin black sweater, and dark navy slacks. Sugawara had liked the suit on him, but this was good too.
Sugawara, himself, wore a grey shirt, black hoodie, and a red scarf that looped around his neck twice.
He also wore tight skinny jeans that hugged his legs and hips in a way that made Daichi stare. Suga had caught him staring, but didn’t say anything. It made him wonder—before he had experience, before he had confidence—had Daichi ever stared in high school? Was Daichi into him? Or, well, had he been interested in him? At some point, anyway?
No collar this time, though; he felt that had probably weirded Daichi out, though Suga thought he saw a glimpse of disappointment when Daichi glanced to his neck.
Suga sipped his drink, a bright pink thing that was fizzy, tasted of strawberries. “So,” he forced himself to break the silence, “What have you been up to? I hope you don’t mind I searched up the card you gave me. Got into the business world? What happened to computer science?”
“Ah…” Daichi blinked. “Right, I forgot I thought that’s what I was going into… I took a commerce course, and instantly changed my major after that. I just… I like dealing with people, with companies. Yeah, finances have their dark side, but there’s a lot of good people out there too.”
Sugawara smiled.
Daichi’s cheeks warmed a bit and he took a drink, something mixed with whiskey. “What about you? I thought you were going to study biology, then medicine. You got into one of the top universities in Japan for their pre-med program, right?”
“Failed.” Sugawara let out a little laugh.
Daichi’s eyes widened.
“I might have had good grades in high school, but I just couldn’t take it in university… had a couple breakdowns, caved under the stress.” Sugawara rubbed his thumbs against the rim of his drink. “I started working at a hardware store for a while… Like, one of those dad-stores? The home-improvement stores? It was good money, got me out of the house. They had paint, but. Like. For painting houses. And then at one point there was a huge canvas, had a small tear so they couldn’t sell it, so I just decided ‘why not?’ you know?”
Daichi smiled.
“I ended up, really enjoying it.”
“Yeah?” Daichi’s eyes softened. “Looks like you really found something you like.”
“Yeah!” Sugawara smiled, taking in the sight of Daichi’s smile—realising it still made his heart thud. Fuck. He took another sip of his drink. “Life kind of… threw me way off track, I guess. But I found something.”
“You found something, and.” Daichi grinned. “You made it. I, uh, searched you up too—you’ve got a new exhibit opening up soon.”
“Ah.” Suga felt his cheeks warm. “Yeah.” His eyes drifted to the side, and he didn’t realise Daichi was waiting for him to elaborate. Taking a chance, he looked Daichi in the eye. “You don’t like the way I look now, do you?”
Daichi’s jaw twitched as he tried to answer.
“I figured.” Sugawara faked a little laugh. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have been that blunt—”
“N-No, it’s fine. It’s. Um.” Daichi squeezed his glass. “It’s not that I don’t like it,” he assured, “It’s just… not what I was expecting. It’s, a change.” He smiled, an honest smile. “You look good, though. You pull it off well. It’s, uh, not really my taste but that doesn’t matter, right?—I’m sure the ladies will be all over you.”
“No ladies here,” he said with a fake smile. He took another sip, enjoying the way it burned. “Guys.”
“Oh.” Daichi’s eyes lit up. “You too?”
Sugawara took another sip, letting it burn. He never drank much, never had much experience, but now he just wanted it to hurt. “So, if I’m not your type, what is Sawamura?”
Daichi seemed stunned—maybe it was how forward he was, or maybe it was the use of his last name, or maybe it was everything, Suga didn’t know but—Daichi gave a meek little shrug, lips pursing together. He raised an eyebrow. “I’m, pretty… open?”
“Pretty open. Just not to me.”
“Um.” Daichi hurriedly sipped his drink. Maybe he was buying time. He put his glass down, only when it was empty, and he watched the drops move down the glass to the bottom. “You’re…” Daichi looked up, eyes soft. “You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”
Sugawara took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He opened his eyes and looked at his drink. “I’m being unfair, aren’t I?” He didn’t get an answer; he didn’t expect one. “That wasn’t very mature of me, sorry.”
“Suga…” Daichi shifted in his seat. “What’s bothering you so much?”
Sugawara looked at him and felt his heart cave.
Daichi – forever, Daichi had been the voice of reason, the one he could spill his heart out to… There was nostalgia in this moment, about all the times he had wanted to say you, I like you Daichi, but had stopped. Now. Now, Sugawara realised just how much he had changed. He had braved life on his own, becoming a new person, loving who he was, confident in who he was – but the old tide of doubt was washing over him once again.
Sugawara lowered his eyes and realised then, that, yes… they had met again, but they probably wouldn’t in the future.
This was just a chance encounter.
It wouldn’t happen again.
Sugawara looked up.
Daichi swallowed hard.
“I was so, fucking, in love with you.” Sugawara’s eyes felt like they were burning. “And it’s, it’s a lot to take in… that the person who I used to have feelings for—for three years… But I never made a move, because I was scared, and I thought there was no way that you could ever feel those feelings for me. And, now, I find out he’s into guys… I find out he’s into guys in the same sentence that tells me he thinks I’m repulsive.”
“Wait,” Daichi said, loud enough to startle himself, but—“I never said repulsive!”
“You didn’t have to.”
Daichi’s mouth is open, jaw willing itself to move, but no words come.
Sugawara gave a sad smile as he looked down. His index finger ran around the rim of his drink. He forced a wet laugh as he threw some yen on the table. “I’m going.”
“Wait.” Daichi bit his lip. “Please, Suga… stay. Please.”
“Sawamura.” Sugawara shook his head, eyes wet, but lips in a smile. “I don’t want to.”
“Suga…”
“Goodbye, Sawamura.”
~ ~ ~
It had been less than two minutes before Daichi threw way too much money on the table to pay for his drink and ran. Daichi wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he didn’t care. He was confused. He needed time: He needed time to figure this all out, yeah, but. But. He couldn’t leave Suga like that—hurt swirling in those soft brown eyes.
When he got out of the bar, he figured Sugawara wouldn’t stick around. Maybe he’d long gone, but—“Suga,” he whispered as he stared at the crossing.
Sugawara had an arm propped out as he crossed the crossing, arm being offered for an elderly lady who was struggling to make her way without her cane.
“Suga…” Daichi’s eyes softened. He made a quick glance to the street signs, they were warning him not to cross, but—he ran. He made it just after Suga and the old lady. He watched, and listened, as they had an exchange.
“Can I help you further, ma’am?” Sugawara asked, voice soft.
“No, no,” she said with a big smile. “I just want to meet my daughter at this café here.” She pointed at the building right in front of them.
A woman came out of the door, fuming. “Okaa-san, where’s your cane?”
“I forgot it at home.”
She gave a deep breath and offered her arm. “Come on, I’ll drive you home after we get some coffee.”
The old lady just smiled, letting go of Suga and giving him a deep nod.
Sugawara returned it with a smile.
“Thank you,” the woman’s daughter said with an exasperated sigh. “Sorry to trouble you with her.”
“It wasn’t a problem,” Suga said in a laugh.
Both the old lady and her daughter walked to the café.
Sugawara stared at them for a while before he turned around and…
Daichi stared at him.
Sugawara blinked.
There were only a few steps between them now.
Sugawara looked down. “Daichi…”
“I like you too,” he blurted out. “In high school. I always felt better when you were there.”
“Daichi—”
“And you were the worst vice-captain I could ever ask for, and you were such a mess, but I wouldn’t have asked for anyone else, because you filled all the gaps in my ability, and you kept everyone together, and I felt like I could do it as long as you believed in me—I always did.”
“That’s great.” Sugawara shook his head. “But this isn’t high school, Daichi.” He looked up, frowning. “We’re different. We’ve changed. We’re not the same people that we were back then.”
“You’re wrong. I mean. You’re not wrong. Yes, we’ve changed, but we’re not entirely different people either. I just saw leather, and piercings, and it was hard to see the Suga I remember. I was judging you, I was judging you and I didn’t even think about what I was seeing, but. You’re. You’re still the same angel, even with a couple piercings, or a collar.”
“A-Angel?” Sugawara had a hard time frowning with the shock and the slight blush. “What the fuck.”
“I don’t know I’m just—” Daichi’s cheeks were burning. “I always thought of you as an angel. Maybe it’s the hair, or maybe I was just dumb when I was fifteen but… You’re still you, making people smile, doing good things, finding your way no matter what life throws at you… I know you’re different now, and I want to. Get to know you again?”
Sugawara’s eyes softened.
“So, um. I…” He took a deep breath, looking down at the ground. “Can I… take you out?” He looked up. “A date.”
“A date.” Sugawara stared at him, swallowing hard. “And you’re fine with me having piercings?”
“Sure.”
“And a collar?”
“Absolutely.”
“And tattoos?”
“Yes.” Daichi glanced to Sugawara’s arms, and neck, and chest, trying to find where those tattoos were.
Sugawara smirked as pulled the edge of his shirt up, showing a couple blue stars on his right hip that made their way down, eventually hiding under his waistband. He let go of his shirt, letting it fall. “I’ve also got a tramp stamp.”
Daichi inhaled sharply.
Sugawara’s smirk just grew.
“S-So, um.” Daichi swallowed hard. “When can I, pick you up?”
“You’re serious.” Sugawara took a step forward, smirk fading as doubt filled his eyes. “Even if I’m not, uh… an ‘angel’?”
“You are.” Daichi raised his hand, slowly, and hesitated before slipping his fingers into Suga’s hair – the side opposite of the shaved side. And then he lowered his palm, cupping Sugawa’s face. “S-Sorry.” He moved his hand away. “That was. Weird. I’m sorry, Sugawara, I—”
“Don’t worry about it.” Sugawara grinned. “I’m more focused on the fact I can get you flustered that easy.”
“You… always got me flustered.” Daichi smiled as he looked up. “You have no idea of what you’re capable of when it comes to me.”
“Oh really?”
“I really like you, Suga.” Daichi took a deep breath, warm. “I like you… You got out of your shell, you finally stopped holding yourself back… you’re finally expressing yourself. Yeah, you changed, people change, but you’re… you’re still you. You’re just… more of yourself now.”
“Mmm.” Sugawara scratched his cheek, little sheepish smile on his lips as he looked up. “You, really don’t mind? Me looking like this?”
“It’s.” Daichi stared. “Hot.”
Sugawara’s eyes widened, looking like a deer in the headlights.
“I don’t know when I became one of those traditional old men that judged people… the same ones I used to hate… but I miss having someone there, to challenge me, make me think differently…” Daichi looked down. “But. God. You’re my high school fantasy, teenage dream, even hotter than before. And, you’re…” He looked up. “Still just as cute.”
Sugawara shut his mouth, making a quiet strangled noise.
“So, um… does this mean, I can take you out?”
“S-Sure.” Suga slowly smiled. “Alright. Enough sweet-talking me… You’re the one that looks fucking fine in a suit, Daichi.”
Daichi’s spine went straight. “M-Me?”
“I’m free tomorrow night.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven?”
“Yeah. You better be in the suit.”
“You better have your collar.”
Sugawara smirked. “Oh, I will.”