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“Hey Kitty,” Marinette said, swinging onto the rooftop where her partner sat. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
She knit her eyebrows together, concern drawing on her face. His voice lacked it’s usual enthusiasm and his shoulders were slumped forward. He hadn’t even turned to greet here. His words were the only indication that he knew she was there.
“No you’re not,” she said, sitting beside him, dangling her feet off the side of the roof. “I know you, and this isn’t like you at all.”
“Maybe it is.”
She looked up, staring at the blonde haired boy who refused to meet her gaze. “Are you...mad at me?”
He shook his head slowly. “Of course not. I could never be mad at you. I just...it’s not important anymore.”
“You’re upset that I told Alya first, aren’t you?”
He shrugged. “That’s partly it, I guess.”
“What’s the rest of it then?”
Adrien sighed, his fingers tapping nervously in his lap. “I just...I wish you felt like you could’ve trusted me.”
“I do trust you, Adrien. With my life.”
“But not enough to tell me who you were under the mask.”
She swallowed. She wasn’t lying. She did trust him. He was the only person who always had her back, no matter what. Sacrificing himself for her so that she could save Paris, not knowing if she’d be successful.
“How long did she...know? Before you told me?”
“Only a couple months.”
“Oh.”
Silence fell between them. Marinette awkwardly shifted her position, cradling her knees to her chest. Apart of her felt guilty. After all that time she’d insisted they keep their identities secret, and then she’d just let the secret roll off her tongue with no hesitation. She could see why he’d feel betrayed.
“It’s okay,” he said after a while. “I’m used to being kept in the dark. It’s my fault anyway. I pushed a lot of boundaries. I get why you didn’t want to.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know you didn’t, and it’s not that. I mean, I was hurt. Maybe I still am a little, but not for the reason you think.”
“Oh?”
“It’s just...all my life has just been one big secret. And after my mom died, the more secretive my father got. I never...asked because I thought that if I crossed a line, I’d lose him too. My parents never trusted me, so our partnership was the first time I really ever experienced a relationship like that. I finally–” he stopped.
“You finally what?”
“My whole life I’ve had this constant, crushing weight on my shoulders. All these impossible expectations thrown at me, knowing I’d never be good enough to meet them. All those months fighting by you side, I finally felt like I was. And then you started keeping secrets from me too, and I got scared that I was losing you just like I was losing everyone else in my life. You were all I had.” His voice cracked, and Marinette could have sworn she saw a tear slip down his cheek. “I was scared because it felt like no matter how much I tried I’d never be enough to be anyone’s first choice.”
“Oh, Adrien...” she whispered. It felt like someone had ripped out her heart, stomped all over it and then shoved it back into her hands. “I had no idea. If I’d have known I would’ve–”
“No, I hate myself even more for feeling like it should be an obligation, or that you somehow owed me an explanation. I guess that’s part of the reason why you didn’t tell me in the first place. I was being selfish. I’m happy you found someone to confide in. And I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t trust me with your secret. I should have been there for you.”
“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Marinette said, her expression softening. “It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you. I wasn’t lying. I do trust you with my life. I wanted to tell you it’s just...” Her memories flooded with images of Chat Blanc. His stark white costume, his icy blue eyes, the malice that seeped through his voice. She shuddered at the thought.
“You can’t say it, can you?”
She shook her head, sadly. She wanted to. She did, so badly but she would never be able to find the right words. The memories haunted her nightmares and daydreams, and she’d never want to burden him with them.
Adrien frowned, swinging his feet. “I guess I should have expected that.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, he voice barely audible. I want tell you, she wished she could scream. I want to tell you and make this feeling go away but I promised I wouldn’t.
“I’m just making a big deal out of nothing anyway,” he sighed, more in effort to convince himself than anyone else. “It’s no one’s fault but mine.”
“But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re my partner, and I made you feel like you weren’t worthy. I made you feel like you couldn’t be trusted by someone you cared about...I should’ve known. I see you everyday and I should’ve known.”
He looked away, averting his eyes to the silhouette of the Eiffel Tower. “It’s not your fault. I didn’t tell you so you couldn’t have known. I never should have been mad in the first place. You said you trust me, and I believe you. Like I said before I was just making it into a bigger deal than it was.”
“You’re allowed to be upset, Adrien. I hurt you, you should yelling at me right now.”
“I was upset, but spilling out my guts made me realize I was making it all about me, and not you. It’s your secret, not mine. I should have respected that instead of making you feel like a shitty person for not noticing something I deliberately tried to hide.”
She followed his gaze, watching as the sun set. Rays of light protruded from through the cracks of the tower. On any other day it would have been beautiful, but today it just made her feel worse.
“But as your friend, I should have noticed you were struggling, whether or not you told me. I knew everything about you and I still failed to pick up on the most important thing.”
“It’s water under a bridge.”
Marinette sighed, glancing away. “That’s not all that’s bothering you, is it?”
“I’d like be alone for a little while,” he said quickly, ignoring her question entirely. “If that’s okay with you, Marinette.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but decided against it. Instead she just nodded.
“Sorry for dumping that on you, by the way. I shouldn’t have done that. You’ve got enough on your plate already, with your Guardian business. I shouldn’t have burdened you with my problems too. That was stupid, huh?”
“No it’s–”
“See you tomorrow.”
She tried to call him back, but nothing came out. She wanted to tell him that it was okay. That he could always talk to her if he needed to. That she’d always be here, but he had already disappeared behind the buildings before she found her voice.
“See you tomorrow, Adrien.”