Work Text:
She missed him. His soft blonde hair, his bright green eyes. His smile. His favorite stupid black shirt with colorful stripes that stretched across the front of it.
She missed him. The sound of his voice, his bad cat puns and lame jokes. His playful banter. His undying support.
Five months. It had been five months since they defeated Hawkmoth. Five months since they discovered who was behind the mask. None other than Gabriel Agreste himself. Five months since Adrien Agreste's entire world crumbled to pieces in less then a minute. Five months since she'd seen him last.
Marinette expected him to be out the following weeks since his father and his assistant's arrest. His house had been bombarded by all sorts of news reporters and journalists for weeks, she wasn't even sure if he'd be able to leave without anyone noticing. But then a month went by. And then two. Then three. By the fourth month Nino finally had news on him. Adrien would be staying with his family for an indefinite period of time. But that's all he said.
Sometimes he'd miss school for days at a time, leaving both Marinette and Alya staring at the empty seats in front of them. There was a certain gloominess that lingered over the school in their absences. Sometimes it felt like a bad dream, and she'd have to pinch her arm to remind herself that it was real. It was all very real.
When Nino would come back, he wouldn't say why he was gone. They never asked. They already knew why, but the look on his face told them he didn't want to talk about it. So they didn't.
By the time the fifth month rolled around, Nino finally gave in.
"It's bad," he said, his voice low. They were situated at the round tables in the cafeteria, watching him closely. "He's really struggling, and I don't know how much longer he can keep it up before..."
"Is he gonna be okay?" Alya asked, gripping her boyfriend's hand tightly in reassurance.
Nino slumped down in his seat, avoiding eye contact. "We don't know. He doesn't sleep. He hardly eats. He doesn't talk to anyone. Not even Plagg. My mom had a doctor come over to check on him. That's why I was absent last week. She said that he has depression, he had for a long time and prescribed some kind of antidepressants, but he won't take them." He paused, trying to steady his breathing. "I know that it must have been a lot to take in. I mean finding out your dad is the evil supervillain you've been fighting for almost a year and that he's been keeping your mom in your basement is just, unimaginable, but I'm really worried about him. I didn't think it would ever get this bad. He's my best friend, I can't lose him. Not now."
"Do you think I could visit him?" Marinette asked, before she even realized she was speaking.
"You can, but don't get your hopes up. He hasn't responded to anyone. Not even me."
Nino directed her to the door at the end of the hall when she'd arrived. The door was open, but it was dark. The shade had been pulled down, preventing any natural light from the window from getting in, and the lights in the room were off. In fact the only source of light came from the hallway.
She slowly approached the bed, where she could only assume he was. His face poked out from the edge of the large comforter, and on any other occasion Marinette might have thought it was cute, but not today. His normally vibrant green eyes were glossed over and dull from crying. There were dark bags that settled under them, which contrasted eerily against his pallor complexion. He didn't look sad, or angry, like she imagined he would. He just looked exhausted and she decided that that was even worse. The blond made no acknowledgment of her presence, only staring off at the wall behind her.
"Mind if I join you?" she asked, standing awkwardly at the foot of the bed. He said nothing. She sat down anyway. "Look, I know that I don't know what you're going through. I can't even begin fathom it. I'm not here to yell at you, or force you to do something you don't want to do. I'm-we're all just worried about you. Especially Nino. I know asking if you're okay is cliché, so I won't. You don't even have to say anything if you don't want to, we can just lay here for a while."
She paused, waiting to see if he'd say anything, or even do anything. But he didn't. He didn't even make an effort to show that he knew she was speaking to him. She was only met with a blank expression, and silence.
"We miss you back at school," she continued, shifting her position on the bed so she was facing him. "I can't believe I'm even saying this but, I even miss Chloe's attitude. She's been quiet, not speaking to anyone besides Sabrina since...I think she needs you. You somehow, manage to make her a better person. It hasn't been the same since you left. Nothing, has been the same since you left."
She hugged her legs to her chest tightly, resting her chin on her knees. "I miss you."
"I'm sorry."
It was so quiet she almost thought she imagined it. It wasn't until he spoke again that she realized it hadn't just been a figment of her imagination.
"He was right under my nose the whole time and I never noticed. I let you down, and I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize for that," she said, tentatively putting a hand in his shoulder. He flinched at the touch, but didn't pull away. "How could you have known? He knew things about the miraculous that even Fu didn't know how to master. He had some kind of...magic or something masking his miraculous. This is not your fault, so don't even go there."
He tightened the grip he had on the comforter. "If I hadn't been so caught up in trying to please him all the time, maybe I would have seen it. If I hadn't been so desperate for his attention-"
"He was your father. You shouldn't have had to beg for his attention in the first place. He should have been there for you regardless."
"This could have been over a long time ago if I wasn't so blind. He's kept secrets from me my whole life. Both of my parents did and I was just so concerned with pleasing them that I didn't even put it together. He had the grimoire in his office and I saw it. I took it. The peacock miraculous was right there and I still refused believe it."
"It's normal to not want to believe that the people we care about could be capable of so much evil. When I thought that it was you, I didn't tell Fu because I was scared. I would have gone through every length just to prove that it wasn't you because I couldn't believe it, and you were just a boy from my class that I had a crush on. That was your father, so don't blame yourself for this. And even if we had found out then, we don't know what would have happened."
"I want to hate him," he said, his eyes watering. "God, I wish I could hate him like everyone else. He's hurt me so much, for so long. I mean I should hate him, and I hate myself for not being able to, but I can't. I just–I don't know why. Does that make me a bad person?"
"Of course not. He was a huge part of your life. You are not a bad person for not hating him. In fact, if anything it just shows how good you are. Forgiving him for-"
"I don't forgive him," he interrupted. "He hurt me. My friends. He hurt you. I could never forgive him for that..."
"That's okay too. You don't have to forgive him. Not everyone deserves that, but that doesn't make you bad."
He turned away, refusing to meet her gaze. "I'm just so, tired, Marinette. Of everything. He was the last of my family that I had. Him and Nathalie. And now they're gone and I'm just tired of being left. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough. He cared more about my mother, who was dead and spent more time with her body, than he did with me and I was right here the whole time. Waiting for him. Why wasn't I enough?"
He swallowed back the anger that tainted his lips. "Sometimes I think that maybe it's be better if I just stopped. There's no point in any of this when I don't have anyone left to go back to."
Marinette swore she could feel her heart break. The words were so familiar to her, and it hurt hearing him say them out loud. Knowing he was going through the same pain she had.
"There was a time not that long ago," she said, leaning against one of the unused pillows. "Fu had just made me the guardian of the miraculous. There was all this pressure on me, and I was so overwhelmed and overworked all the time. I was constantly lying to all my friends, I couldn't have the normal life that I wanted. It was like being Ladybug had stripped me from all of the freedom that I had, and I just broke. I couldn't do it anymore and I fell apart. I felt so alone, and scared. I just wanted to give up. Fighting took so much of my energy and I thought that there was no point in it because I had no one. Because they wouldn't understand what I was going through and what I needed, and I could never explain it to them."
"But you kept fighting," he said, his voice muffled from the comforter pulled up to his mouth. "You're still here, so you fought."
She shook her head. "I didn't though. Not at first, anyway. I pushed everyone I loved away. Even my parents. I said some awful, awful things to them because I thought I was doing everyone a favor by leaving. The reason I'm here is because of my friends. Alya. Rose. Juleka. Nino. You. You guys noticed that I was struggling. And even though I couldn't be completely honest with any of you, I had the best support group there for me every step of the way. I gave up, but even after I hurt everyone, you guys never did. You pulled me up from that ledge I was slipping from and you saved me. As cheesy and cliché as that sounds, you saved me. I was so close to losing myself then, and if you guys hadn't come to get me, I would have."
Marinette looked at him, softening her expression. "We want to be there for you, Adrien. We are here for you, whenever you're ready for us. I know that none of us really know what you're going through right now but we want to help you, and we can't do that if you keep shutting us out. If a little more time here under the covers is what you need before you're ready to come back, that's okay. I promise. I understand, they'll all understand. But I need to know if you want to stay and fight this, or if you'd rather let go."
He was silent for a moment. "I don't–I don't know," he whispered, his voice cracking. "I'm just so tired. I don't want to...give up...completely. Or maybe I do? I just want this feeling, this pain to go away. Just for a little bit, but sometimes I think maybe letting go would be easier. Maybe, maybe letting go would be better for everyone."
A tear slid down his face, leaving a wet spot on his pillow. He was rarely this vulnerable around her, or anyone for that matter. She didn't even remember ever seeing him cry. She'd never seen him so helpless.
"Hey, hey, look at me," she said, wiping his face dry. "You're gonna be okay. I know it's hard to see it right now, but you are not alone. You got me. I'm right here, and we're gonna get through this together. We'll get you the help you need, and the rest of us will be right next to you the whole time. You haven't lost everyone."
"I don't know..."
"You said you didn't want to give up, right?"
He shrugged, a frown drawing on his face. "Maybe, I guess?"
"Well the first step is letting me help you. It's you and me against the world, right?"
She held out her fist towards him, something they had always done together after saving Paris. The familiarity of the phrase that he'd say all the time had a small smile tugging at the edges of him mouth. She felt his fist rest gently against hers and her heart skipped a beat.
"Always."