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reggie can only describe the last few months as an adjustment.
he’s had way more good days now that it’s just him, the guys, and the molinas. he has no reason to have bad days any more.
some things stay the same.
alex keeps him company like he has for decades, and peppers in sarcastic comments to make him smile.
luke keeps him afloat the way he knows how. when he’s not writing with julie, they work on riffs together, making him feel valued, even if he won’t look at reggie’s country songs.
the adjustments are mostly good. he met the molinas, and when julie hugged them, they became tangible and practically alive.
ray sits with him when he needs a pick me up, tells him about whatever photoshoot he’s currently working on.
and julie, sunshine personified who he can sit with, like alex. sometimes, she shows reggie new, modern things, and it always makes him feel better.
today is another story. reggie woke up from a practically restless night overwhelmed.
logically, he knows that nobody would be mad at him for needing a break, for wanting a minute to himself. reggie was there when julie had one of these days, the guys have seen every mood he’s had for almost his entire life.
that won’t stop his brain from overriding logic, though. too often reggie’s brain feels silent, doesn’t say a word when things get confusing, even if they aren’t confusing to other people.
right now, everything is loud, too loud, loud like it’s 1994 and his parents are fighting but he can’t leave because they’re blocking the door.
like it’s 1995 and luke and alex are bickering, and reggie knows it isn’t serious enough to shut down but he does it any way.
with the good adjustment, reggie doesn’t have to worry about loud. so why does he feel like it?
reggie feels like he just witnessed an entire day of screaming, so he does what feels right, he climbs up the loft and curls up next to luke’s garbage bag.
he’s not sure how long he rests there. long enough for reggie to realize that if he saw too many people today, he might explode.
reggie needs the quiet, but it gets lonely. to keep himself company, he runs through the plot of each original star wars movie.
as he reaches return of the jedi, people start talking from downstairs. due to whatever magic julie used had residual effects on him, he can tell that too many people are in the studio.
reggie knows julie and the guys can tell where he is, and they’re calling out his name, asking where in the studio he is.
luke is the first one to find him, and their facial expression completely softens. he says something to reggie, but reggie doesn’t hear it.
all reggie hears is “too loud too loud too loud.”
luke reaches out a hand, to steady him, and reggie, without thinking, flinches. he watches as multiple emotions flash across luke’s face.
first, hurt, then, a realization. luke slowly climbs back down the ladder, and reggie feels regret. he hasn’t needed to flinch in so long, why now?
luke tells the rest of the group something, but the noises are too much, so reggie doesn’t understand what they’re talking about.
alex starts talking, and reggie is forced to remember a time in 1987.
reggie’s parents fought about something this week, and he didn’t like it because it made him sad, and was too loud.
it’s okay though, because his mom said he’s staying at alex’s all weekend, but when school is over on monday there’s nobody to pick him up.
reggie walks home by himself, just to find his dad, passed out on the couch, and his mom, nowhere to be found.
he didn’t even realize it’s an adjustment until running to whichever house his feet take him to first is a habit.
now, decades later, he’s fine. the question comes up again, why?
reggie emerges from his thoughts when something knocks into his knee.
“you good reg?” alex asks.
“give me a minute,” reggie responds, his voice is painfully croaky, unused.
“just like old times, huh?” alex laughs, sending reggie into a bitter fit of laughter.
“want to talk about it?” alex asks, when they’re finished laughing.
“it was just a bad morning,” reggie says, “i needed time away, but i should’ve told you guys, sorry.”
“it’s okay,” alex continues, “we’re not mad at you.”
“thanks,” reggie says.
“we love you, reg, even if you lay in the street for no reason,” alex responds, and reggie feels secure in knowing he is definitely not mad.
“ha ha, very funny,” reggie says, but follows alex down the ladder.
“i need a little bit before we can do the hugging thing,” reggie announces, “but thanks guys.”
julie, alex, and willie start their walk back into the house, but reggie stops luke.
“i’m sorry,” he says, and luke nods.
“it’s okay.”
they stretch out in the living room, and eventually, reggie feels ready to lay down. julie is ruffling his hair, and he reaches out for luke’s hand.
a huge smile spreads across his face, and he squeezes it.
reggie feels tired, from the crying and physical toll of his emotions, and he knows he’s going to miss lunch.
but he also knows that ray will put something aside for him, and alex will sit with him while he eats.
reggie knows that he and willie can exchange stories if he needs a laugh. julie will ask later if he wants to paint his nails while she does, and that luke will wrap his arm around his shoulder when he’s ready.
he knows that he doesn’t have to consciously worry about his parents any more. that the family he had in 1995 has expanded, and that they’re all there for him like they have been forever.
in this moment, compared to what feels like months ago, or even last week, reggie’s life has adjusted.
he doesn’t know what the next day, or morning, or year has in store for all of them.
but reggie knows for sure that he’s going to be okay.