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“Ok, let’s revise this one more time”
BB8 beeped in annoyance.
“Oh c’mon buddy, it costs you nothing! What are you gonna do if I call you?”
“(Call you back and tell you that something broke on the Falcon)” The droid answered in an exasperate beep.
“Correct, then?”
“(You’ll ask me if it is really necessary and I will insist until you agree)”
“Right” Poe patted the droid’s head affectionately. “…and in a few minutes I’ll be here again, if you want to we could also listen to that song you like”
“(Why are we even putting on this show? Can’t you just say you want to leave?) “
“I told you why, that would be… weird, just…" Poe sighed and his tone sounded pleading "…just play along ok?”
BB finally beeped in agreement. “(It is still stupid though)”
Poe didn’t even remember how he ended up in that situation. It all started with a diplomatic meeting on Chandrila that him and Finn had to attend as the generals of the Resistance, an elegant and formal event, full of obnoxious and opportunistic senators and embellished rhetoric speeches that they had to listen.
Poe didn’t like policy…he was a pilot not a diplomat but Finn seemed to play along perfectly with the role. Stars, was there something that Finn was not good at? He was even training with the Force now. Although he had privately admitted that he hated policy as much as him, Finn managed to be a brilliant diplomat and his likeability did the rest.
After the conference they had some spare time to enjoy themselves. Jessika, Rose, Connix and some others that had accompanied them were so excited to have the chance to visit Hanna City that Poe didn’t have the heart to remind them that it was just for two miserable days. Even after the war the work wasn’t done and since the end of the Battle of Exegol, almost one year before, Poe had buried himself into his new job as a general of the New Republic. He couldn’t say that he really enjoyed it, he missed flying so much it almost hurted him but certainly he did not miss the war and at least the job kept him distracted from his own feelings.
Jessika had somehow convinced them all to go to a nightclub, a fancy one along the main street. Poe had to admit to himself that he wasn’t really thrilled of the turn of events, being honest, he would have enjoyed more a decent dinner and a long sleep in the hotel but eventually he had agreed. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy parties or dancing but that was a long time ago, Poe didn’t even know how much time had passed since he went in one of those places for fun and not for…work, kriff, maybe since the time of the academy. He had gotten so used to the sketchy clubs from the gutters, full of criminals and bounty hunters, that now he felt out of place in that bright coloured room, full of cheerful people chattering and dancing. The atmosphere was joyful, the furniture was stylish and the music...he didn’t even know what genre it was, he felt even more misplaced. However, seeing his friends so excited and carefree, his heart lifted a bit, they deserved it so much. Poe landed his eyes on Finn, who was standing by his side.
He was gazing to the large room, in awe and maybe a little overwhelmed by the cacophony of sounds and colours. It occurred to Poe that probably Finn had actually never been in a place like that.
“Hey buddy, are you ok? “
Finn seemed to be called back to reality and replied a little bit startled.
“Yea, it’s just so…”
“Overwhelming? “Poe grinned.
“Yea…“ he admitted with a sheepish smile.
“I know right? Honestly, for me too, y’know, it’s been a while“
Finn seemed a bit relieved as they headed together to the bar counter.
“Would you like a spotchka? “ Poe asked as soon as they sat on the stools.
Finn nodded and Poe ordered the drinks to the droid behind the counter.
“What is that? “Finn asked when they the droid left.
Poe stared at him in confusion.
“I trusted you“Finn replied chuckling and Poe let out a laugh.
“Well then, if you’re gonna hate it don’t blame me“
The drinks arrived and Finn seemed satisfied when he tasted the first sip of the glowing liquid.
“You know that it comes from shrimps? “
“Are you kidding me? “
“Nope“Poe laughed at his perplexity but he felt his laugh dying in his throat when he noticed that Finn had been distracted. Poe followed the direction of his gaze and he noticed a little group of women on the other side of the counter, they were clearly eyeing in their direction, smiling and chattering. Finn didn’t take his eyes off them while sipping the spotchka.
Of course, Poe thought, that was exactly what he was preparing for, he felt his guts twisting when he realized that his fears were slowly becoming real. But he knew how to maintain his composure, he was used to hide his feelings and keep a façade, it was part of his job after all, so he grinned and with a casual tone he drew Finn’s attention.
“Oh buddy, that mirialan girl seems really into you“
He knew he wasn’t wrong, she was clearly trying to meet Finn’s eyes.
Finn choked on his drink.
“What? “
“C’mon, I saw how you were looking at them, they seem nice and they’re very pretty“
He smiled encouragingly and Finn touched the back of his head awkwardly.
Why was he doing this to himself? Poe thought helplessly.
“You should go to talk to them, maybe ask for a dance“
Kriff, was he really that masochistic?
“I should do what? “ asked Finn in disbelief.
“Yea, y’know, flirt a little, enjoy yourself, you deserve it“
Poe added in what he hoped seemed to be a supportive tone.
“Flirt? I really don’t…“
“Just be yourself, trust me, you’re handsome and likeable enough to compensate the lack of flirting skills“
He laughed but he wasn’t bluffing this time.
Finn seemed bewildered but he had no time to reply because one of the ladies in question approached them with a charming smile, she was that beautiful mirialan girl, Poe almost felt sick when she landed her gentle gaze on Finn.
“Hey there, I wondered if you’re free for a dance? “Her question was directed to Finn, Poe could not see his face from behind but when he stood up his heart dropped for good. That was it, the realization that nothing would have kept Finn beside him for any longer.
“What about you? “
Finn asked, when he noticed that Poe was not going to follow him.
“Don’t worry about me buddy“ Poe smiled cheerfully and raised his glass in the direction of the dance floor.
“Have fun! “ He winked but somehow his words seemed to not convince Finn who still stood there awkwardly. Why was he making it so difficult?
“Don’t make her wait buddy“
Poe crossed his arms on the counter and he managed to press the button on his wrist link unnoticed. Timely BB8 replied with some agitated beeping. Poe acted surprised.
“What is it? “Finn asked worried.
“Oh nothing, just BB8 overreacting“
The droid beeped offended.
“Oh c’mon buddy, do you really need me there now? “
BB8 confirmed it.
“Ok fine, I’ll be there in a few minutes“ He stopped the call and played a mortified expression toward Finn who still looked concerned.
“I’m sorry, apparently something is wrong on the Falcon and BB8 won’t calm down until I’ll give a look to it, y’know old ships like that are not his jam“
Finn seemed unconvinced but he simply replied with a sad tone.
“I’m sorry you’re leaving this early“
“Please don’t think about it, I don’t mind, there will be another time“ He grinned and let out a chuckle
“See you tomorrow and let me know if you’re coming back to the hotel for the night“ He said teasingly with a wink and patted his shoulder lightly when he noticed the embarrassed look on Finn’s face.
He waved one last time and turned back to the entrance, as he left he noticed with the corner of his eye some of his friends on the dance floor, he didn’t want to leave Finn alone with strangers.
The runway on which the Falcon was parked was not very far from the club, it was late at night but people were still walking around in the main street, enlightened by the streetlamps that made the pavement glow with a silvery light. Poe would have enjoyed the atmosphere if his mood was not so dull.
His confident acting shifted as soon as his feet passed the entrance of the club.
Until that day he had managed to deal with his unrequited feelings pretty well, after all, there was always something else to do, for him but for Finn too. Finn had spent most of his time beside him, from the missions for the Resistance to the present situation. It almost felt like Finn was meant to stay by his side, a close friendship was more than Poe could have hoped for…he had been so selfish and naïve, there was nothing that bonded Finn to him now, he had the right to live his life, kriff, he could also leave his position of general, he surely was not as tied as he was. The sole idea made Poe’s heart ache so much he could vomit. After all, from what he knew Finn could have also been in love with Rey or Rose, maybe that’s why he was so awkward with the girls of the club. He felt like a jerk, a pathetic scumbag doomed to his miserable fate.
The familiar silhouette of the Falcon appeared at the moment as a safe refuge where he wished he could hide forever. BB8, bless his metallic heart, opened the ramp for him, welcoming him with a comforting sad beep. Poe forced a smile in his direction and as soon as the ramp closed behind him, he launched himself on the little couch of the Falcon, resting his head on his hands. He didn’t notice when he started crying until he saw a tear falling on the gaming table.
A sad beep brought him back to reality.
“I’m sorry buddy, I’m just…human feelings y’know, it’s not easy“
“(Is it about friend-Finn)? “
Poe smiled sadly. “Yes it is my friend“
The droid beeped sympathetically and a few seconds later he started playing a song.
Poe’s favourite actually, an old one, from the time of the old Rebellion. Poe tried to distract himself following the familiar catchy but melancholic tune. He felt a bit better after all.
“Thanks buddy, what would I do without you? “
BB8 beeped cheerfully at the praise and Poe allowed himself to smile.
Eventually he found something to repair, an ordinary damage of the pipes, at least he was distracting himself, he really couldn’t sleep, not even in the middle of the night, he didn’t even feel in the mood to come back to the luxurious hotel where they had been invited to stay.
For some reasons the claustrophobic space in the guts of the Falcon made him feel better, the familiar smell of the oil, the soothing buzz of the machinery, something that was not going to change and made him feel more focused.
He didn’t know how much time had passed when BB8 rolled into the room, beeping nervously, this time genuinely.
“What is it buddy? Did you…oh“ Poe’s question died in his throat.
Finn appeared at the entrance of the room, with a curious expression on his face.
Why was the universe against him today?
“Finn! Hey, I didn’t expect you here, is everything alright mate? “
“You ask me if I’m alright? You know what time is it? “
Kriff.
“You left two hours ago and it was already late! And You’re still…Heck what are you even doing? “
“Hey buddy, calm down, I told you BB needed help“
Finn raised an eyebrow. Poe sighed.
“Ok ok, time slipped away and I did not want to come back to the hotel, I wanted to sleep here but then I ended up repairing these things“
“You know that this does not explain much right? “
Poe opened the mouth to reply but Finn raised a hand to stop him.
“Whatever, you don’t have to tell me“
Poe felt grateful.
“I’m not really tired either, would you like to sit for a bit? “Finn eventually asked with a gentle smile, gesturing to the other room.
Poe had conflicting feelings but agreed.
“Sure“ he smiled back, hoping it looked casual enough.
They sat on the little couch, in a comfortable silence. Poe was thankful of those little things, how at ease they felt around each other.
“So, how was your time with that pretty girl? “
Finn looked at him with an indecipherable expression, then shrugged.
“We danced, I’m also pretty sure she flirted with me…then I ended up talking with Rose and the others, I drank another spotchka and then I came here“
Poe nodded, looking to his own hands on the table.
“I thought…“
“…That I wanted to spend the night with one of them? The answer is no, if that was what you were implying back then“ Finn snapped unexpectedly, annoyed for some reason.
Poe tilted his head bewildered, Finn snorted.
“I’m not comfortable with these kind of things“ Finn admitted not watching him in the eyes. He continued before Poe could add something.
“It’s not that I don’t know anything, back at the First Order… they actually made us do…stuff“He seemed nervous, carefully choosing the words to say.
Poe felt lost at this sudden change of subject, Finn didn’t often mention his time at the First Order, Poe knew that he still felt somehow guilty or ashamed, even after all he had done for the Resistance. Finn…you idiot, brave, kind-hearted hero
“The doctor on board always said that satisfying the needs of the cadets would have made them more focused and less “frustrated”, for them it was fundamental that we were not distracted but other thoughts, we had to work at our best…“
Finn sighed.
“That’s why they took us to this place…well at the time I didn’t know the name but it certainly was some kind of brothel, ran by some guys loyal to the Fist Order“
Finn kept talking, as if he wanted to unburden himself
“It was…cold...surely it was not meant to be romantic or personal, more mechanic y’know…I remember being always sorry for those girls, Kriff now that I think about it they were probably slaves“
Poe noticed the subtle crack in his voice. He felt so sorry, he wanted to reassure him, tell him that it was not something he had to be ashamed of but the words didn’t come to his mouth and he just managed to say in a quiet tone.
“So you…“
“…Have never done it with someone I actually have feelings for or someone who cared even a little bit for me? “
Finn laughed coldly, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe it himself.
“The only thing close to love I have ever felt was for a recruit of the Order, her name was TE24601, we were around 13 or 14, we just talked a few times because I used to clean the archive where she worked, she died in an accident during a simulation a few months later"
His voice ultimately cracked and that made Poe’s heart ache.
“Finn…I’m sorry, I…thank you for trusting me with this“ He managed to murmur and he placed his hand on Finn’s, he squeezed it reassuringly and then he pulled it back.
Finn stared at the empty for a few seconds before speaking again.
“…Anyway…“ He sighed
“It’s difficult to think about strangers when you already have feelings for someone else…"
Poe heart skipped a beat. Finn’s words confirming his suspicions.
“Of course, listen buddy, I’m sorry I pushed you, I should have realized your feelings for Rose before, you even told me she had kissed you some time ago, I will not…“
“Rose?“
“Isn’t she…“
“No, we have already talked about it, that was mostly the heat of the moment y’know, we’re friends now“ Finn looked puzzled.
“Oh, Rey? You have spent some time with… “
“Geez man, no! I love Rey but she’s like a sister to me“
“Jannah? “
“Are you kiddi…“
“Connix? “
“Poe what the hell! Can you stop listing random names? Why are you even trying to guess? “
Poe felt exposed.
“I…I’m just curious“
Finn looked at him as if he was some kind of interesting creature.
“Kriff Dameron! If you weren’t so blind, you would have guessed a long time ago who is the person I have feelings for“
Poe stayed silent, he felt so stupid.
“Poe? “ Finn murmured, with a husky voice.
“Yea? “Poe whispered.
“It’s you“
Poe’s mind blacked out.
“Me? “
“Yes you idiot! “Finn snapped annoyed.
He stood up and that seemed to bring Poe back to reality.
“Wait Finn! “
He grabbed his shoulders and made him face him, Finn was still avoiding his eyes.
“Finn, I…I have feelings for you too“
This time Finn turned his head and stared at him in awe.
“You…you’re telling me that back at the club you tried to pair me up with a stranger because you were trying to hide your feelings and then you called BB in order to have an excuse to leave me? “
Ok, Poe had to admit to himself that out loud that plan sounded pretty stupid.
“Well, Yes, kinda, but let me…“
“Stars Poe, can you shut up? “ Finn interrupted him exasperated but clearly trying to hide a smile.
“Make me“ Mocked Poe grinning.
Finn giggled and Poe’s smile widened.
When their laugh ran out they found themselves staring at each other.
Finn drew closer and Poe felt his heart beating faster, he mimicked him and their lips met halfway, they kissed slowly.
Poe’s captured Finn’s bottom lip, who tilted his head to deepen the kiss. Poe lifted his hands curling them on Finn’s neck while the other embraced him to pull him closer. They didn’t know how much time they spent like this, certainly it was not enough but they eventually had to part in order to catch air.
Poe smiled resting his forehead on Finn’s, eyes still closed.
“I love you” Poe whispered between their lips, he felt Finn’s smile and he placed a gentle kiss on the side of his mouth.
“I know“.