Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The world was localized to a single point of light as the screaming raged in his head. Water pounded on his back; too consistent to be rain but he could almost smell the petrichor and trees. Was he on a mission? Why would there be water hitting him if he wasn’t? 

A shower, he realized. He was in a shower. 

He blinked to clear the water from his eyes as the pinpoint of light he was focused on before widened and elongated. It made him vaguely sick to watch but he hadn’t vomited in countless years so he was unlikely to start now. 

The screaming didn’t quiet but now there was a banging accompanying it. It was more than likely the guards or his handler getting angry that he was taking too long. He wasn’t being efficient. It was also unlike him to be inefficient. That made him sick too. 

With jerky movements, he stood up and grabbed the bar of soap sitting on a small dish attached to the shower wall. He didn’t recognize the dark marble of the shower and the heavy pulse of the water pressure told him he wasn’t at any of their bases. That meant he had to be on a mission. He must be with a client of HYDRA’s. 

Resuming maintenance functions, he cleaned himself quickly. He paid careful attention to his nether regions. If he was with a client, they would be annoyed if he wasn’t perfectly clean. There may even be an enema kit in the bathroom. Sometimes they wanted him as clean inside as he was on the outside. He’d need to make sure to check before exiting. 

His head twinged with a phantom pain as he acknowledged his failings and swirled with a strange haze over his thoughts. His punishment protocols kicked in automatically when he was insubordinate or slow to complete a mission. He didn’t need to be told when he’d erred anymore. No command was necessary to start the process of correction. 

It made his stomach churn to realize how far off course he must have allowed himself to get. It had been decades since he lost time. Perhaps he’d been out of cryostasis for too long. He couldn’t remember his last freeze. His performance always degenerated if he went too long without reentering deep freeze or receiving a full reset and wipe. 

He shivered violently as he realized it meant he must be due for one. His jaw clenched reflexively and he forced it to relax. It would upset his handler if he cracked teeth from stress.

“Bu—” 

He blinked again. The constant screaming in his head, the banging, and now the headache beginning to form blurred the noise in his mind. What did they say? And who said it?

He paused to listen to the voice coming from the other side of the door located across the large bathroom. Looking around for the first time, he still didn’t recognize his surroundings but they looked lavish. His delay was probably greatly upsetting a very wealthy client. 

“Buck—”

Buck? Money? Stag? The verb to buck something off? 

His eyes narrowed trying to place the word. Nothing clicked. Was he slipping so far that his language comprehension was deteriorating too? He always thought slower in English, but this was abnormal. How long had he been out of cryostasis? 

“BUCK! Are you okay? Answer me or I swear I will bust down this door!”

So he was correct; the voice did say ‘buck’. But what did it mean? 

Another voice came, much lower than the other, “Sam, please allow me.”  

He shivered again involuntarily. This was a handler. He couldn’t place which one but he was to obey this voice. 

There was comfort in that. At least someone would be able to get him back into working order. This was uncomfortable and it was growing to be frightening as he struggled to understand why he didn’t know where he was. The sound of a familiar voice meant at least he wasn’t alone in an unfamiliar place.

“James, can you hear me?”

With just the sound of his name, it was like a switch had been tripped. He staggered in place and fell back to his knees where he started. 

Something was very wrong. He had thrown up recently and he was about to do so again. His stomach emptied in front of him and swirled down the drain as the water of the shower continued to pound down on him. 

“James?”

“I’m fine,” he growled as he resisted vomiting again. It was futile as he heaved up more bile. Either he’d done this several times or he hadn’t eaten recently. He looked down at the drain and tried to get a grip on himself. His arms were shaking as though it was an effort just to hold him up off the ground.

What the fuck was going on? He was so far from ‘fine’ it wasn’t even funny. He didn’t even know why he was having a panic attack, but it was coming on strong and there was very little he could do to stop it. 

The night rushed back into his mind to fill in the blanks. Madripoor. Selby. Serum. Mission. Handler. No, Zemo. 

He took gulping breaths as he realized nothing happened. So little had happened that he didn’t understand why he was panicking. They went to the bar, he beat a few idiots up, and Selby took the bait. Zemo had bluffed his way through the whole night just as expected. 

Bucky remembered the bar, the ‘exchange’, the escape. He remembered beating the assailants to a bloody pulp and nearly strangling one, but he had been in control, hadn’t he? He remembered Zemo smugly promising to sell him to Selby with that stupid chin-stroking maneuver. But he’d been awake, right? When the bullet hit Selby, it was Bucky who ran. It was Bucky who remembered Sharon. 

Why was he freaking out now that they were safe? Nothing made sense. His worst fear for the night was that playing pretend would awaken some dormant shred of the Winter Soldier in him but that hadn’t happened. Things were still fuzzy at the edges of his memories, but he was sure he could remember everything important.

He looked around again trying to get the room to stop spinning and caught sight of the soap in his hand. It took all his power not to try to throw up again as he tossed it away from him and left it skittering across the floor of the shower. Just looking at it caused his heart to seize up like it was going to attack him. He didn’t know why. 

The breaths he was taking became shallow and rapid as he started to panic again. His head was pounding. His own fucking brain was punishing him for no reason. 

Нет, нет! Только не снова!No, no! Not again!

His time in Wakanda was supposed to fix that. Shuri said she fixed it. He shouldn’t be running a punishment protocol out of the blue. They took a little more work to break than the activation words, but Shuri told him she broke every single command and protocol.

The door cracked open slowly and Bucky jumped in fear. An open, gloved hand came around the door and waved slightly. Zemo. The immediate rush of comfort and subsequent rush of nausea left him heaving up the last of his stomach contents. Why the hell would Zemo bring him comfort?

“James, I come in peace. Sam is quite worried. You’ve been in here for over two hours,” Zemo’s voice carried past the open door. He still couldn’t see the man, but Bucky could hear the frown in his tone. “Are you feeling ill?”

He sneered down at the tile below him. Zemo didn’t deserve to know shit. But just thinking that caused his brain to throb with pain worse than before. He wasn’t allowed to question his handlers. 

“Y—yes,” came his shaky reply through traitorous lips. He curled in on himself on the floor of the shower and tried to make himself small. Sometimes the more gentle handlers would take pity. He’d been so disobedient today. No matter how gentle this one would be, he was still in for some measure of punishment. All he could do now was try to lessen the sentence.

“I’m coming in,” his handler warned. Somewhere outside the door, another voice made an angry noise. A client perhaps. A waiting client. Waiting on him to finish his maintenance. 

He grabbed the soap again and started quickly washing the parts he had missed before. How could he be so negligent? Why had he stopped?

“James?” his handler asked as he approached from the door of the bathroom. 

He looked up at him and blinked in confusion. He didn’t recognize this handler at all but, instinctively, he knew he was one. Someone new? Someone old that he’d forgotten in a recent wipe? 

Well, he spoke in accented English. Accented or not, he would be expected to reply in the language he was addressed in.

“I am finishing maintenance protocols. I apologize for my failings, sir,” he said softly as he worked to speak in English. It was harder than usual. His handler stopped mid-step and stared at him. Probably wondering why he was still in the shower. Had he said two hours? The client would be furious.

His head gave another jolt of agonizing pain, but he managed to conceal the effects with a few rapid blinks. The client would not want to see the pain reflected on his face. Or perhaps they would, but they generally preferred to inflict the pain themselves if that was the case. 

His handler tilted his head and raised a hand to his mouth in a way that left him sure that another punishment command was coming. He tensed instinctively but didn’t cease cleaning himself. He would be expected to finish swiftly from here.

Nothing came after another moment, so he spared another slight glance at his handler. There seemed to be concern on his face. That was very bad. He must have fallen so far out of routine that his handler was shocked. He couldn’t even remember the last time that happened. What was wrong with him?

He stood and methodically rinsed the soap from his body. The client was still waiting. He would have to give a thorough report when asked. After a debrief, they would send him back to the base to be put back in cryostasis. 

The idea of returning home comforted him. Going back to sleep was always a welcome feeling even if the process was frightening. The wipe he’d receive upon arrival hurt, but it was a necessary evil. His handlers needed to be sure he was at peak efficiency. He wanted to be at peak efficiency for them.

“Солдат…Soldier...?” his handler questioned in a very careful tone. Was this truly one of his handlers? He seemed so… gentle. 

His head gave a lurch of pain so violent it briefly left him seeing white. He wasn’t surprised. He’d briefly wanted this man to remain as his handler permanently. Such a thing was not for him to decide. Wants and desires were to be harshly corrected every time. He was nothing more than a weapon and weapons weren’t supposed to want things.

Collecting himself, he turned, exited the shower, and held himself at attention before answering, “Да сэр?Yes, sir?” 

His handler seemed almost shocked that he responded. That made sense too. He’d been in here for two hours not responding. At this point, he deserved nothing less than the worst punishment they could come up with for him. An inefficient soldier was a useless soldier. He didn’t want to be useless. 

“Do you recognize your surroundings, cолдат?” 

He looked around in response and once again confirmed he did not know where he was. He shook his head slowly and pointed his eyes at the ground in shame. Fear started to set back in and creep up his spine.

“Do you know how you got here?”

Another head shake. His hands were starting to tremble behind his back. 

“What was your last mission?”

His lungs suddenly felt like they were made of lead as he finally realized that he didn’t even know what this mission was. How could he complete a mission that he did not know? His mind raced to try to find the answer but nothing came. When was his last mission? What day was it? 

He didn’t know his surroundings, the day, his last or current mission, and he didn’t know his handler.

His vision blurred as tears started to well up and cloud his vision. Partially from the stunning pain and the horror at his failings. 

His head was in agony as it raced to apply all the appropriate levels of correction necessary for such an egregious lapse in memory. But the pain was secondary to how ashamed he felt inside. He was, and perhaps had been, failing miserably. What was he worth now? 

“I—I don’t know, sir,” he replied brokenly as the tears grew so heavy that they threatened to spill. 

The man before him stepped forward the last few remaining paces between them and grabbed his chin. He didn’t even think about resisting as his head was tilted to allow his handler to look him in the eyes. The movement, no matter how gentle, forced the tears to finally fall and slide down his cheek, wetting his handler’s finger tips as they reached his chin.

He saw worry in the gaze staring back at him and his shame continued to grow. He didn’t deserve a gentle handler right now. He deserved punishment.

His handler stared for a moment more before asking in a low, serious voice, “James, who am I?” 

Bucky lurched away from him with a roar of, “What the fuck are you doing in here?” 

Zemo staggered back a step but looked like he’d just witnessed Bucky growing a second head. How the hell had he gotten in? Had he forgotten to lock the door? Had the asshole picked the lock?

“How did you get in here?” he hissed as he realized he was naked and quickly grabbed a towel off the rack to tie around his waist. 

Furthermore, now that he was covered and starting to analyze the situation, how long had Zemo been there? How long had Bucky?   

Bucky looked around rapidly as he tried to figure out what was going on. He remembered arriving at Sharon’s, going to the stupid party, stumbling back upstairs afterward to take a shower, and then… Nothing. Had he fallen asleep in the shower? That would make sense if he hadn’t been standing in front of Zemo just a moment before. 

Oh no. Нет, нет, нет.No, no, no.

His blood ran cold as he turned back to assess the man in front of him. Had he activated him somehow? Losing time and space was something that hadn’t happened to him since Shuri worked on breaking his programming. If he’d just been under Zemo’s control then how much time had passed? Were they even still really at Sharon’s or some other fancy-ass hideout? 

Reacting without hesitation, he lunged forward and grabbed Zemo by the throat to pin him against the wall with his vibranium arm. He held him tightly enough to be just shy of cutting off his air supply and snarled, “What did you do to me? What the fuck did you do to me?”

Zemo just stared back with a deeply concerned expression. There was no smugness in him and no fear either. It was like he was on a whole different wavelength. If anything, he seemed worried for Bucky.

It suddenly occurred to him that he had a positively violent headache as he loosened his grip a little when another wave of anguish rolled over him. That tracked with him being activated recently. It must be a punishment protocol running. Punishing him for hurting his handler. Whom he was still hurting.

Нет!No!

He let out a horrified whimper and backed away quickly. No, this couldn’t be happening. He was broken. He was broken. He’d just attacked his handler. He’d never done that before. 

Falling to his knees, tears came and fell down his cheeks unbidden. He was broken. Useless. Worthless. A bad soldier.

His entire purpose was to serve his handlers and now he’d attacked one. He was worse than worthless. He was a traitor and a threat to HYDRA. They would have to kill him for this. He deserved nothing less. HYRDA had no use for weapons that struck back at them. They could just find another to take his place. Someone better, stronger, more loyal.

As he was cracking to pieces and dissolving into fits of sobs, his handler looked down at him with twin shock and concern before addressing him with, “James? Солдат?”

“Мне очень жаль, сэрI'm very sorry, sir,” he said through heaving sobs. Despite his failure, he was deeply apologetic. How could he not be? He deserved to be shot on the spot for this. 

The door slammed as it flung open so fast that it hit the wall and swung back from the momentum. A man walked into the room and shouted at his handler, “What the fuck is going on here, man? Bucky, are you okay? What did he do?” 

Bucky stared at Sam in confusion as he registered that he was no longer holding Zemo against the wall. He was down on the ground. And he was… crying? That—That shouldn’t be possible. There was no way Zemo activated him that fast. There was no way he wouldn’t have immediately stopped him with a fist.

He looked up at the man still standing just in front of him and saw horror lurking in his eyes. Even Zemo was shaken. Not a single one of them seemed to understand what was going on here.

“What’s wrong with me?” he whispered as the dread set in deep.

Chapter Text

An hour later and Bucky was still wearing nothing more than the towel around his waist as the other two men paced around the room. They reminded him of two animals circling their prey. Or a pair of new technicians instructed to patch him up after a mission. 

The new ones were always unnerved by his blank stare and empty expression. Of course, the time between missions was uncertain so they had always aged by the time he saw them again. He only met a new technician once before they were a seasoned technician. By then, they were no longer afraid and were always happy to prove it in one way or another.

His head was throbbing and his ears were ringing so loudly that he couldn’t tell if they were even speaking to him. He was seated on Sharon’s large couch and all he could do was fix his eyes on a single spot and stare. He wasn’t even looking at anything in particular; just staring off into space.

Nothing made sense anymore. He was Bucky. He’d been Bucky for years at this point. Not a single relapse since Wakanda and here he was losing it over an hour of playing dress-up. 

He bit the inside of his cheek subtly as the feeling of inadequacy crashed into him again. 

No, he thought. He couldn’t give in to that feeling. Bucky swallowed reflexively and tried to center himself. Self-punishment was a tool HYDRA programmed into him but that programming was broken now. To let himself indulge in it would only make things worse. 

That meant he needed to get his headache under control. Unfortunately, he had no idea how to stop it once it had started. Generally, they resolved themselves once he was operating at full efficiency again or once he’d been debriefed and wiped. That came with pain of its own, but he’d be numb afterward. He almost craved that numbness now. To be insensate was a sort of drug when all you were used to was pain.

“Water,” he requested quietly. Both men stopped moving instantly and stared at him. Had he interrupted? Maybe they had been talking after all. 

Zemo moved first and left to go get a glass of water he presumed. Sam just kept staring at him. It made him feel like a science experiment gone wrong all over again. He didn’t even have to look at him to feel the fear lurking in his eyes. It was the same feeling he’d gotten from Sam in Berlin.

“Buck, you gotta talk to me, man,” Sam said while moving around the coffee table to sit on an adjacent armchair. “I can’t help you if you shut down.”

Bucky looked up at him briefly before returning his gaze to the same spot he’d been staring at for the last hour. From the edges of his vision, he could see Sam shift uncomfortably. 

“How long have you been talking?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but if he wasn’t even receiving info then they would be getting nowhere. 

Sam leaned in and covered his eyes with the heels of his hands. “We’ve been talking to you for the last hour and that was the first thing you’ve said, man. You didn’t hear any of it? What the hell is goin’ on with you, Buck? I’m worried outta my mind here.”

He shook his head a little and focused back in on where he was staring. It was beginning to feel like if he took his eyes off this one spot directly in front of him that he’d lose all grip on reality. Some unremarkable spot on the coffee table in front of him was his only anchor to himself. 

The other man reentered the room and placed a glass of water down directly in front of Bucky’s vision. He had good aim because he centered it right in on where he was focusing. 

Bucky carefully reached out to pick it up. It shattered as he touched it. Sam flinched hard away and nearly leapt out of his chair from the sudden noise. Must have applied too much force. That hadn’t happened in a long time either. Zemo didn’t even react and just kneeled down on the couch beside him.

The shards cut into his hand and the water spilled out along the glass of the coffee table. Bucky watched it flow along until it hit the magazines piled on one end. The paper soaked it up and the ink bled as the pages saturated. A moment later and the front page images were warped and ugly. If he’d been himself, he might have cracked a smile at that. Felt poetic. 

He dropped the shards back on the table and the wounds on his hands began to slow their bleeding immediately.

A hand touched his face and he turned to look easily. His eyes finally ripped away from their focus as he fell back adrift in his own head. It was Zemo forcing him to look at him. He felt an immediate flood of relief upon realizing it was his handler. Then disgust as Bucky grabbed hold of the reins again and demanded horror from him. Those sensations dueled as he stared up at Zemo wordlessly. Bucky wanted to wrench his head away and out of the man’s hands, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. 

His lips were moving but Bucky couldn’t hear him. He stared helplessly at his mouth and tried to understand something. The ringing and screaming were too loud again. His head hurt too badly. 

“Jam—” It was like he was underwater. The sound barely crested above the cacophony in his head and it sounded dull, muted. He blinked up at Zemo in response. There was nothing to say if he couldn’t even understand. 

“Солдат.”

That, he heard. His eyes focused and his body tensed. Half his mind wanted to attack for hearing it and the other half wanted to prostrate himself.

“Go fuck yourself,” he spat and yanked his head away. The anger won out. 

Zemo pursed his lips and tilted his head as if Bucky was a puzzle missing a piece. “You’ve responded to almost no stimuli for an hour, but you respond to that. James, you need to use what communication you have available to help us understand.”

As much as he hated to admit it, Zemo was right. The brief respite from the raging in his head was already ending. The fog settling back over him even now. How should he even describe what was happening? How could he?

Bucky struggled for words for a moment before shrugging and settling on, “I’m losing my mind.”

Sam let out a heavy sigh off to Bucky’s right and caused him to jump slightly. He’d almost forgotten he was there. His eyes darted to him suspiciously. Had he been there the whole time? 

Yes, Bucky realized with a sinking in his stomach. He could just remember Sam sitting down right where he still was a few minutes ago. He hadn’t moved, but it also hadn’t been long since he spoke either. Losing track of him and the time meant that Bucky was still fading in and out of consciousness. 

Worse than that, his memories didn’t seem to be ordering themselves correctly at all. He wasn’t just losing time, he was losing pieces along the way.

“I’m,” he started again. His voice was more urgent this time. The panic was setting back in. What was he even trying to say? 

“I’m lost.” 

His eyes moved around the room trying to place where he was. His handler was by his side, so maybe he was safe? He was always safe when they were with him. His handler wouldn’t let anything happen to him. HYDRA surely still needed him.

His handler regarded him cautiously with narrowed eyes. He looked up at him imploringly. Begging for protection and guidance. Tell him what to do. Tell him how to fix it. 

The man raised his hand and he prepared for the slap that was coming. It was a light punishment and better than he deserved. He even tilted his cheek toward him to give his handler a better angle. 

He didn’t receive a slap, however, as the hand descended to gently caress his cheek. The tears that sprang to his eyes were instant and he leaned into the touch against his better judgment. His mind twinged with pain at the action, but he couldn’t resist. Whoever this handler was, he was much kinder than most. He was probably new. That must be why he didn’t remember him.

“Can you stop touching him?”

Bucky snapped awake again and reared back. It was like he’d been hit with a tidal wave of anger and rage. He had to catch his breath from how angry he was and his fists were clenched tight where they rested on his thighs. He had no idea why he was so angry all of a sudden.

Even still, this was probably the cleanest transition to being awake yet, and still, the world had changed. Sam was no longer sitting and Zemo was now holding his hand to his mouth. When he pulled it back there was blood on his chin. The sight made his stomach clench with more cold rage. At least he had his answer. He must have been angry at Zemo. 

“Very unprofessional, Sam,” Zemo admonished mildly like he was commenting on nothing more interesting than the weather as he pulled his hand away and inspected the blood coating his gloved fingertips. His nose was bleeding slightly, but there didn’t seem to be any major damage. “I am only trying to help.”

Sam was breathing heavily, his eyes were narrowed to slits, and he was in a stance that looked like he was ready to kill. “You keep putting your hands all over him like he’s an object. Cut it out, or I will make you.”

Putting his hands all over him? When had Zemo even touched him? His brain slowly returned a hazy memory of Zemo’s hand on his chin. Was that just now or from back at the bar…?

Zemo raised an eyebrow at him slightly and gestured to Bucky who was still watching silently. Even moving felt like too much of a task right now. But, blissfully, the fog wasn’t closing in yet and the sudden anger was fading back to his former confused state.

“He’s very distressed. When he shifts into being the Winter Soldier, he is frightened. When he shifts out of it, he is angry. Forgive me for trying to offer a shred of comfort to a terrified man.”

Shifts into being the Winter Soldier? What the fuck was happening?

“Bucky is not the Winter Soldier anymore. He’s having a psychotic break but that doesn’t mean he’s your plaything. We need to help ground him. Playing into his episodes isn’t going to help. Maybe you just want him to be falling back into it.”

That seemed to make Zemo very angry as he stood up to full height and frowned. The man’s voice was a low, almost threatening tone as he hissed, “I do not regard James as a plaything. I owe him my freedom as it so stands. Furthermore, we are currently a team on a mission. I can understand your distaste for me, Sam, but there is a time and a place for it. It will not do well for us to be tearing out each other’s throats. James is clearly very ill.”

He was ill. Distressed. Psychotic. 

His stomach twisted again and he wanted to vomit. He heaved but nothing came up. He must not have had anything since throwing up in the shower. Oh, right, he broke the glass of water. 

The reaction was immediate as Sam rushed to pat him on the back and Zemo left the room quickly. Where he went was anyone’s guess. It was probably better that he left. The two looked like they were seconds from coming to blows.

“You gotta hold it together, man,” Sam muttered near his ear. “Come on, Buck. What am I supposed to do to help with this? I’ve got my hands full already tryin’ to keep Zemo from fucking you up worse. Do you need to go to Wakanda?”

Bucky tried to nod but another dry heave interrupted it. Momentarily he was glad as he realized, no, he didn’t want to go to Wakanda yet. They said he was free. How horrible would it be to show back up broken again? 

Zemo returned to the room, walking quickly. He knelt back down on the couch beside Bucky and grabbed his chin again. Sam let out a clipped, “Hey—,” before Zemo silenced him with a positively dangerous glare. Bucky was too weak to pull away this time so he just looked at Zemo as directed. The man hadn’t even paused to wipe away the blood on his face. His eyes were intense, concentrated, and a little wild and the blood drying on his lips only emphasized it.

The man had a metal cup in hand this time and he raised it to Bucky’s lips. He opened up instantly and was rewarded with a slow flow of water into his mouth. He swallowed, whimpered as the cold water soothed his sore throat, and took another sip. Sam made a noise of discomfort but didn’t interrupt further. He was probably significantly unnerved by how out of it Bucky was at this point.

Sam sat back and folded his arms over his chest. “Could he be drugged? Did he drink anything at the bar?”

Zemo didn’t stop giving him more sips of the water but his intense expression had softened slightly, mollified by the fact that Bucky was drinking the water, and now his face clouded as he contemplated that option. Eventually, he shook his head in disagreement. 

“What was that command you gave him in the bar?” Sam glared at Zemo as he asked, his eyes full of malice and suspicion. “Seems to me that he was fine until you show up and start having him jump through hoops. Last time I ever saw him like this was when Steve and I broke him out of your command.”

Steve. 

Bucky pulled away and started to vomit all the water he just drank back up right onto the couch. Oh if Steve could see him now. 

Zemo reached out and started rubbing circles on his back and Bucky just about wanted to die. A bullet would be kinder than this. Here he was getting comfort from a psychopath. 

In between the sound of Bucky retching, Zemo responded, “I gave him a single command: Attack. He did and did so well. However, it is my suspicion that it was James who executed the command and not the Winter Soldier. At least, I never had any reason to believe that he’d become activated at any point and I did not use the words to do so. I did, however, taunt him with the words when he came to see me in prison. Clearly, I regret this action now.”

“You what?” Sam shouted as he stood up with every intention of dishing out more violence. 

Zemo didn’t even flinch, he just shot him an agitated glare and kept soothing Bucky. “I did not even complete the series of activation words. James did not even react to them beyond a mild note of annoyance. If the tales of his treatment in Wakanda are to be believed, they should have done nothing at all. There is something else going on with him and we need to uncover what it is or he could be left very vulnerable, Sam.”

The noise and screaming and fog closed back in around his consciousness. He was drowning. There was no water but he was drowning all the same. It was the same feeling as his lungs freezing as he took his last breath before going into cryostasis. Like every nerve, muscle, and organ was arresting spontaneously. 

The only comfort he had was his handler rubbing his back rhythmically. It was grounding him. No matter how sick he was, his handler would keep him safe. Perhaps the client had tried to drug him. It had happened before. It never lasted long, but the effects were terrifying if the dose was strong enough. Losing control was the worst thing he could imagine next to disappointing his handler. 

Why was he losing time? Had he suffered a head wound? 

His handler stopped rubbing his back suddenly and looked at him. He turned to meet his gaze fully so that he could avoid upsetting the man. He was already proving himself to be worthless; he wouldn’t be disobedient too. 

The sight of blood on his handler’s face was immensely distressing for a moment, but his handler looked unconcerned by it as he focused entirely on him. His eyes still roved desperately over his face and then briefly over the rest of him to make sure there was no major wound. There didn’t seem to be, so he returned to meeting his handler’s eyes but couldn’t help glancing at the dried blood every now and again.

“You stopped becoming ill the moment you crossed over,” his handler wondered aloud. “Солдат I want you to give me a full diagnostic of your current state.”

That was a command he understood. He straightened up, let his mind go blank, and reported, “I am experiencing severe confusion, distress, and time slippage. Source of trauma unknown. I am subjecting myself to a punishment protocol in response to my poor performance, sir.” 

“Punishment?” the client asked, horrified. That was not his concern. His handler would make assurances. 

His handler regarded him carefully before asking, “Which punishment protocol?” 

“Standard, sir,” he answered automatically. “I will escalate upon your command.”

The client looked back and forth between him and his handler rapidly. He hadn’t turned to look at him, but he could sense the distress rolling off the man. He was likely not a HYDRA operative but a well-paying or well-positioned customer. It wasn’t rare for them to be alarmed by the nature of his programming.

“Standard? Escalate? Zemo, explain this shit,” the client demanded. 

His handler’s face became pained briefly. His own lips wanted to frown at the sight. The client had no right to make demands of his handler. Perhaps he would be instructed to teach the man that lesson.

That didn’t happen. Instead, his handler answered softly, “The standard punishment protocol is a severe headache. The escalated protocol is phantom pain as his mind emulates the feeling of receiving an electric shock. This can be escalated further until the pain becomes crippling. He’s expected to operate normally during a standard punishment protocol but the escalated protocol will leave him impaired as the level rises.”

His handler looked even more pained now and even… sad. It didn’t reach his voice as he continued evenly, “...The final protocol simulates the effects of… dismemberment. A sensation he remembers from losing his arm.”

He fought down the urge to whimper at just the mere mention of the final protocol but his hands started shaking despite his best efforts. The use of the final punishment protocol was rare, but he likely deserved it in this case if it was being discussed. This handler didn’t look pleased about it at least. Sometimes they relished using it. This one seemed to regret the need if his expression was anything to go by, but that didn’t stop the immediate effects of his fear.

His handler must have noticed his distress as he reached a hand out and gently caressed his face. He did not resist the urge to lean into it. This handler was very kind. Had he ever met him before? 

“Солдат you will immediately cease use of the punishment protocol you are subjecting yourself to,” his handler ordered. His voice was sober, serious, but not angry. Did he not mean to increase the level of escalation? That couldn’t be right. No matter how kind of a handler he was, escalation was deserved. 

But to argue would be to be disobedient, so he stayed silent and stopped the punishment protocol. 

His head felt better instantly and he sagged slightly from attention as the relief was immediate. His handler’s face broke into a small, melancholy smile. That caused a small rush of pleasure to shoot up his spine. Yes, he had obeyed correctly. He had done well again. 

“Do you feel better, солдат?” his handler asked almost sweetly. His voice was low and quiet, just for his ears, and it made more flutters of pleasure race through the neurons of his brain. He nodded a little and resumed sitting at attention. 

“You’ve done very well, солдат,” his handler continued and the pleasure bursts became intense as his brain was rewarded with all the chemicals needed for happiness. Dopamine from his job well done. Serotonin from his handler's recognition. Oxytocin from his handler’s petting. Endorphins from the release from his punishment protocol. His mind felt warm and fuzzy from just the single line of praise. 

It must have shown on his face because the client let out a sickened noise and took an automatic step back.

“What the fuck was that? Why does he look like you just loaded him up with morphine?”

His handler glanced at the client and shrugged before answering. “Effectively I did. I have recently had a suspicion that James cannot produce the brain chemistry needed to feel joy, pleasure, or happiness without help. It explains much of his behavior.” 

His handler’s face grew contemplative for a moment, but it was gone in less than an instant.

“I hadn’t yet asked, but seeing the effect when receiving praise all but confirms it for me. To have such a dramatic change in demeanor from a little praise means that his brain is still highly sensitive to feeling any pleasure whatsoever.”

“Do you mean to tell me that Bucky can’t feel happiness? Not unless he’s told to?” 

He assumed he was this Bucky the client kept referring to. It was a strange name to be given. Or perhaps he was undercover. That would explain why his handler was referring to him as ‘James’. It didn’t matter what they called him in the end. He’d been given aliases on previous missions. This was nothing abnormal.

His handler shook his head slightly as he continued to pet his cheek. It felt so nice that he wanted more.

His eyelids fluttered slightly as he received a burst of pain as a mental correction for a want. It was small as they tended to be after he’d recently received praise, but it served to remind him that his contentment was at the mercy of his handler. Not the other way around. 

The handler noticed and looked at him sharply with a frown again. Immediately, he was afraid. His handler knew he’d had a want. The shame filled him and he cast his eyes downward. Ready to receive punishment again. 

“Did you just run the punishment again, солдат?”

He nodded and clarified, “I had a want, sir. I wanted you to continue touching me. I issued an automatic correction.”

His handler frowned deeper and the client staggered in place. 

“Holy shit,” the client whispered as he sank back down onto a chair. “This is fucked.” The man put his head in his hands and muttered again, “This is so fucked up.”

His handler ignored the man and forced him to look at him again. This handler seemed to value eye contact, so he would need to resist the urge to break it. It wasn’t as hard as expected. His handler’s eyes were very pleasant to look into. They were so intelligent…

“Do not punish yourself without my order, солдат. For the time being, I want you to break all established automatic protocols that deliver pain.”

He blinked in response, barely comprehending such an order. Disable the punishment protocols? No one had ever asked him to do that before. He wasn’t even sure if it was possible. 

“I—I am not certain that is possible, sir. I will endeavor to try,” he said as he tried to imagine turning off the automatic corrections. He wouldn’t even know where to start. 

He tried thinking about turning them off very hard. It was an order. He needed to do this to comply with an order. 

Then, he tried to want something. That was easy at least. The stroking had stopped so he allowed himself to want it to continue. The jolt of pain that followed was swift and harder than before. These automatic corrections had their own escalation that would become very painful quickly if he continued to push their limits. Still, his eyelids barely fluttered in response and he tried again. 

No success. Again. No success. Again. The fourth time hurt so badly that he blinked fully several times before running the sequence again. The fifth was agonizing, but he didn’t allow more of a reaction than the last.

“Stop,” his handler commanded and he did. The man looked concerned again. 

He sat at attention and issued his findings, “It is unclear if I am able to disable these automatic responses, sir. I believe I will require a reset and wipe if we wish to change my programming further.”

His handler’s frown deepened further and he resumed stroking his cheek. “No, солдат, we will not be altering your programming further. I revise my order. When you experience a want, you will vocalize it to me immediately. The correction will occur and you may stop wanting the thing that caused it, but I want to know what it was that you imagined.”

“Yes, sir,” he agreed readily, back to enjoying the petting. 

“Do you have any needs?”

He thought a moment before answering simply, “Yes, sir. I will need a minimum amount of sleep soon. I cannot remember when I last slept. My fatigue levels feel high.”

His handler stood up and gestured for him to follow. He did so without delay. 

“I will have him sleep in the same room as me, Sam. I will take the floor. You need not fear for your friend’s virtue. On that note, if he is not better by morning we will be taking him to Wakanda. James is unfit to continue this mission.”

Shame overwhelmed him. Unfit. Useless. Useless. Broken. 

He started to tremble but held his stance as best he could. His handler would accept no further failure from him. There had been enough already to earn him the description of being unfit. 

His handler glanced at him and moved in close to stroke his cheek again slightly. “Calm yourself, солдат. You have done admirably. Your current state is beyond your control. You have been compromised, but we will fix it.”

That made some, but not all, of the shame abate. His handler would fix it. He’d be good again soon.

“...If we take him to Wakanda, they’ll put you back in prison,” the client mused with his head still in his hands. “I don’t trust you, Zemo. You wouldn’t sacrifice that for Bucky.”

“You’d be surprised what I am willing to sacrifice for my own morals and ethics, Sam,” his handler corrected with more than a small note of displeasure in his voice. This client had upset him. His own hands twitched with the desire to form fists at the thought. His handler must have noticed because he smiled a little and shook his head silently. He swallowed and calmed himself as directed.

Saying no more, his handler walked out of the room and he followed close behind.

Chapter Text

The room he was led into was as lavish as everything else. There was a large bed at the center and a window that took up the entire length of the wall from floor to ceiling. It wasn’t part of his job to assess the wealth of HYDRA’s clients, but this one was clearly quite powerful. 

His handler gestured at the bed as he spoke softly, “Lay down, солдат. Leave the towel on the floor.” The man continued walking until he disappeared into the adjoined bathroom.

He dropped the towel and put himself on the bed on his back. Position hadn’t been specified so he assumed that he would be told afterward how to orient himself. Perhaps he should have laid down prone. Very rarely were clients ever interested in his front outside of his mouth. Handlers were much the same.

A small frisson of want bloomed in him at that thought. Followed by the necessary punishment. 

He communicated this information promptly to his handler as he reemerged from the bathroom, face clean of any blood. “I had a want, sir.”

The handler moved to close the curtains on the large window and paused to look at him with a small smile. 

“And what was it, солдат?” 

“I wanted you rather than the client to make use of me,” he admitted. A lurch of guilt in his stomach told him that, if he dwelled on the thought too long, he’d want it again. It was very easy to want this handler’s affection. He was so gentle.

His handler said nothing for a long moment before turning back to continue closing the curtains. When it was done, the man moved back to the side of the bed that he was lying on and peered down at him with a curious, but kind expression.

“What did you expect the ‘making use of you’ to entail?” The tone was strangely soothing like he was being coaxed into answering. As though he needed any coaxing at all. It was his duty to reply promptly when questioned at any time.

“Whatever the client, or you, sir, want from me.” Truthfully, he was confused by the question and debated for a moment on saying as much before deciding to chance it. This handler didn’t seem like he would punish him for the admission. “I don’t understand the question, sir.”

His handler nudged his side to force him to move further onto the bed. He did so with some eagerness and the man sat down beside him and started petting his hair. It felt wonderful and sent shivers racing up and down his spine. The covers of the bed were also pulled over the top of him, enclosing his body in a warm cocoon. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d been in a bed; let alone allowed the use of covers. 

“Neither Sam nor I will be ‘making use’ of you tonight, солдат,” his handler said gently. “If I have my way, no one will ever ‘make use’ of you again.”

That… That was ominous. But he understood instantly. 

He was going to be killed. 

“Yes, sir,” he responded, weakly, and pointed his gaze to the ceiling. 

It was the only conclusion that made sense to him. This handler couldn’t assure that outcome in any other way and he had more than earned it. HYDRA had made more Winter Soldiers. They weren’t stable, but perhaps they were confident they could fix them. Or perhaps they intended to start over with a more obedient and capable individual.

There was a strange sadness in his heart at the thought. He had always been so proud to be their best. He had worked so hard to be the best HYDRA had to offer. His handlers even said so sometimes. He had failed only a few missions in his entire life, but he supposed this was the worst failure yet. Every other time he could at least claim measure of victory. At the moment, he had no idea what victory would have even entailed.

When he killed for a mission, some of the marks begged for their lives. It was very common in fact. He wondered, briefly, if it would work for him. It would be massively disobedient to even try, so he decided against it. He deserved this. He deserved this. 

So, he waited. The petting continued and he let his eyes fall closed. His handler likely had a gun or knife prepared for the occasion. There was no benefit to seeing it coming. Still, it was a nice room. This handler was very kind to let him spend his last moments in comfort. 

His senses were growing dull as he became drowsy from the petting. 

“Sir?” he mumbled, his tongue heavy as the urge to sleep increased. “May I sleep for this?”

“Of course, солдат. You said you needed sleep, so I am helping you sleep. Does this feel nice?” The voice of his handler was so calming. It caused another wave of warmth and sleepiness to roll over him. He felt like he was being cradled by the soft bed beneath him and the warmth at his side from his handler was very welcome. 

He wanted to be held.

His eyes opened fully as the pain woke him up slightly. It dulled quickly, but he had to voice his want to his handler before he could return to rest. 

“I had another want, sir. I wanted to be held by you,” he communicated with a glance at his handler’s face. He could hear the guilt in his own voice. It was certainly not the time to want anything further from his handler. 

Yet, the expression there was almost too fond to bear looking at. How could such an expression be directed at him? This must be pity he was seeing, correct? 

“I can grant that wish, солдат. But, you’ll probably kill me if you wake up as James with my arms around you.” Even as he spoke, his handler pulled back the covers to climb in beside him. His arms went around him and pulled him close. He buried his face into his handler’s arms and breathed in his pleasant scent. He smelled like wood and fire and smoke. There was the smell of gunpowder under the cologne but that was comforting in its own way. 

Everything about him was familiar.

A thought occurred to him in the middle of his sleepy haze and he was so comfortable he allowed himself a dangerous question, “Wake up, sir?”

“Yes, it’s my hope that when you wake up you will be feeling better.” The words were spoken more into his hair than open air. 

That was confusing. How would he wake from death? 

This woke him up a little more. He bit his lip slightly and allowed himself another dangerous liberty. “Do you not intend to kill me, sir?” 

His handler pulled back and forced him to look at him. The look on his face was stern and puzzled at the same time, but not angry. “No, солдат. I do not intend to kill you. What led you to this conclusion?”

He was embarrassed to have made an assumption of his own fate, but, relieved now, he admitted his folly easily, “You said that no one would ever make use of me again. I took that to mean my death.” 

There was a brief, dark chuckle that came from his handler before he was pulled close again. “I meant that I will not allow anyone else to take from your body that which you do not wish to give. I hope to restore true autonomy to you. To give back what HYDRA stole.” 

He blinked twice as his confusion compounded.

That didn’t make sense either. They were HYDRA. 

His handler continued after a moment’s pause, “Some of it anyway. I cannot return everything. I cannot return time, your arm, your innocence, nor all of the memories you’ve lost. But I can work on securing your free will and ability to be happy.” 

From the warm, safe, comforting place in the man’s arms, he was pierced by a jolt of fear. 

Was this… man not his handler? 

That made dozens of pieces click into place at once in his mind. 

He didn’t know where he was because he was not with a HYDRA agent. He was experiencing time slippage because he’d been out of cryo for an undetermined amount of time. They were calling him by a name that wasn’t his because they didn’t know he didn’t have one. This man was kind because he was not his handler. The other man did not make use of him because he was not a client.

All at once, he wanted to cry again. In fact, he began to automatically as his eyes filled with devastated tears. It was like all the kindness this man just showed him was ripped away all at once. His chest felt hollowed out where his heart was and it ached horribly.

No wonder this man was being so gentle to him. He was unable to control him without manipulation. He’d been playing along with his captors this whole time. He wanted to be here with him.

Not only had he failed HYDRA, but he was also cooperating with its enemies.

His stomach rolled and he let out a pathetic sob into the man’s chest against his will. The abject terror that seized him was matched only by the cascading misery at the realization that none of this was real. He even shifted a little closer out of reflex as he sought comfort from his enemy. It was wrong, but he was unable to resist the urge to make this pain abate even slightly.

The man next to him noticed his distress and resumed petting him as he asked, “Солдат?”

“Who are you?” he whispered as he broke down again.

He should move. He should attack. Return himself quickly to HYDRA. Kill the conspirator. Destroy any evidence. It was the right thing to do. Somewhere his real handler was waiting on him. He couldn’t disappoint him. He would have to accept whatever punishment this deserved. Surely they would kill him if he didn’t return himself promptly after making this discovery.

But he was so tired. And he felt so safe. 

This was all wrong. He didn’t have the luxury of feeling tired and he didn’t deserve to feel safe. He was just a weapon. HYDRA’s weapon.

The man didn’t answer him immediately, so he followed with another question, “Where are we?” He’d managed to make this one sound more determined but it was still undermined by the sound of his tears and the way he crowded in closer to soak up his warmth.

“Солдат, I am Helmut Zemo. We met for the first time in Berlin several years ago. You were being held for psychoanalysis. By that point, you had already been away from HYDRA for over two years.” 

Several years ago? He’d been out of cryostasis for over two years prior to that? He had never been out of cryo for more than a few months before. It had to be a lie. There was no way he had been missing for so long without HYDRA coming to find and collect him. They would never let this happen.

The man continued speaking, “I used your activation words to bring you back under control briefly but you were woken up only shortly after that. You can thank Mr. Steve Rogers and the man here tonight, Sam Wilson, for that.” The words sounded like they should be sarcastic, but his facial expression seemed genuine. There was no hint of deception on his face or in his voice.

The name ‘Steve’ caused an immediate swoop of anxiety to rush through his body. He let out another pathetic sob and yet he wasn’t sure why. Even trying to think the name made him feel worse. For now, it was easier to focus on the rest of the info.

So, if this was true, this man was his handler. Or at least in as much as anyone who used the words could be his handler. How had he gotten them if not through HYDRA? The last handler he could remember was Alexander Pierce. He had been kept in the US for a time while in Pierce’s service. He could remember that at least, because it always made him sad to wake up so far from his home. 

This man was not American and if they had met in Berlin, how did he get there?

“We’re currently in the home of Sharon Carter in Madripoor. We’re on a mission to find a woman by the name of Karli Morgenthau. She is a super-soldier using a modified version of the serum you possess in your own veins to wreak havoc on the world. We cannot allow her to exist.”

He carefully picked apart the info in his head, analyzing it, and crafted a single question, “Where did you learn the words?”

The response was not what he expected at all. The extremely caring man holding him said simply, “I killed the man who had your manual and memorized them.”

His heart skipped a beat. His real handler was… dead?

“Who?” he asked, feeling horribly sick, but unsure of what to do. He’d never had a handler kill another handler before. Normally it was him who did the killing. Did that mean he did belong to this man now? How did something like this work?

“Василий КарповVasily Karpov.”

Карпов had been a good handler. Not the best, but not the worst by far. He made sure that his солдат was always in working order. He felt sadness at the news of his death. 

No, his murder. And the man holding him was his murderer. 

…But this man was kinder. Did that make him a better handler? Just because Карпов was dead didn’t mean he didn’t still belong to HYDRA. His last handler had been Pierce. What of him?

“Pierce?”

The man had not stopped petting him this entire time, but now he was weaving his fingers carefully through his strands of hair. He’d never been treated this well before by anyone. It made him feel even guiltier to lean in closer.

“Dead, солдат. I’m sorry if this causes you pain,” the man soothed. “I was not aware you were programmed to have an attachment to specific handlers. I suppose I should not be surprised by this information, given HYDRA’s depravity, but I am still unhappy to learn of it.”

Pierce was another good handler. He praised him often and only punished him when it was necessary. And now he was dead. 

What was even left of HYDRA? This man was clearly no ally.

Trying valiantly to communicate through his tears, he finally asked, “HYDRA?”

“Gone, солдат. Like dust in the wind. A few heads of the great beast remain, but the core of it has been cut out. Would that I could have been the man to deal the death blow.”

He whimpered and allowed himself to finally collapse completely against the man holding him. His home… His handlers… Who would give him missions now? What was he if not the Зимний СолдатWinter Soldier? 

“Who am I now?” he wondered aloud as he grieved his whole life. Seventy years of successful missions were now invalidated. All of the work he had done to secure their power and expand it… His handlers had told him that he was making the world better. Stronger. What would he do now? He couldn’t even fathom how to exist without HYDRA.

Lips pressed against the crown of his head and helped to calm some of the tremors wracking his body. Regardless of how the man had come to be his handler, it was clear now that he truly had the same power over him that one should have.

The words that followed were spoken in the tone you take with a frightened child. Soft, soothing, and without judgment. “You’re James Buchanan Barnes. Some know you as ‘Bucky’, but I call you James.”

The name ‘James’ frightened him, he realized. ‘Bucky’ did too. Both men tonight had been calling him by these names, but it was like… when he focused on them… he could feel something clawing at the edges of his consciousness. Like a monster trying to escape from his memories. Darkness threatening to swallow him whole and lock him away.

Another whimper, another kiss in his hair, and more petting. It became a cycle as his tears continued but he fell into silence. He didn’t want to admit his fear. Who could fear a memory? 

And yet the concept of falling asleep and not waking up was terrifying. What if he became this ‘James’ when he stopped fighting to stay in control? Was that what was causing his time slippage? What if he never woke up again? 

The tremors came back so badly that the bed felt like it was vibrating and he’d soaked the man’s shirt through with his tears. 

“I’m afraid, sir,” he finally let out in a terrified gasp, deciding to continue being respectful to this man. He really had no other option as the concept of being disrespectful to him felt sickening. “I’m the Зимний СолдатWinter Soldier. I am not ‘James’ or ‘Bucky’. Do I become someone else? Will I ever be myself again? I don’t want to change.”

The man shushed him and hummed a strange melodic noise at him for a few moments as he rocked him back and forth in his arms. It was comforting. He had never been a child, but he figured this is what it must feel like.

“Shh, солдат. I know. I can see that now. However, маленький little one, you are James. Both Зимний СолдатWinter Soldier and James are one and the same. We need to find a way to reconcile both pieces of you. You do not need to fear becoming James again. He has more context for what is currently happening than you do. Believe it or not, I think he may be more afraid of you than you are of him.” 

That didn’t feel likely. This ‘James’ felt like a ghost in his mind. Lurking deep in his psyche. Ready to seize control at any moment. 

“Sleep now, солдат. You are tired. Whoever wakes up will need the rest.”

Exhausted beyond reason, he murmured a quiet agreement and pressed his face close to the man holding him. His handler, still, he supposed. If all the others were dead then he had no reason to deny him the title.

Sleep started to take hold again and he allowed himself one final want before giving in to the feeling. He wanted to wake up from this. If this man was his handler, then he wanted to serve him well. He’d be good for him. He’d earn the kindness he was being shown. HYDRA may be gone, but he continued to exist. He would find a new purpose.

The last, brief, shock of pain from his automatic punishment was the last thing he felt before sliding off to sleep in his handler’s arms. If he woke up, he’d communicate the want as ordered.

Chapter Text

Waking up, Bucky knew something was way off. One, he was naked. Two, he was on a bed and not the floor. Three, he hadn’t had a nightmare. Four, he could smell cologne. Zemo’s cologne.

His eyes snapped open and he sat up instantly. Zemo wasn’t beside him as he’d feared, but, one sniff of the sheets confirmed he had been. What the fuck happened?

He tried to think where he’d been last. Selby’s bar? No… Sharon’s. They met Sharon and went back to her house. Where, he assumed, he was now. He could smell a soap he didn’t remember using on him so he supposed he’d showered at some point too. Everything after meeting Sharon was like trying to look at overexposed pictures and discern detail. Bright, fuzzy, loud. It made him oddly nauseous to even try thinking about it. 

Speaking of nauseous, his throat felt raw like he’d been throwing up and he could tell already he was dehydrated. Had he been drugged at Selby’s bar? He didn’t recall drinking or consuming anything, but maybe he was misremembering?

First things first, though, he needed water and a meal or he was going to feel sick for hours. 

He swung a leg out of bed and his foot made contact with something warm. Leaping backward in surprise, Bucky looked over the edge of the bed and saw Zemo staring up at him from a place on the floor. 

“What the hell are you doing down there?” Bucky hissed angrily. “Why are you in here? Did you drug me?”

Zemo didn’t seem the type to drug anyone without a motive, but he did seem like the sort to do anything he liked if he had one. Who knows? Maybe he had his own reasons for doing something like that. 

Luckily, his body didn’t feel like it’d been… used for lack of a better phrase. His throat was raw but his jaw wasn’t sore. It felt entirely different than when HYDRA had passed him around for fun in the past. Besides, Zemo definitely didn’t seem the type to do that. 

The man groaned as he sat up and stretched. “Good morning, James. How are you feeling this morning?”

Bucky stared blankly at the Baron. Of course, he’d be difficult. Firmly, he commanded, “Answer the questions.” 

“I slept here for the evening because you were having a very bad night. I’m not convinced you’re completely feeling better, to tell the truth. We’ll have to observe you for some time. I made a promise to Sam that I’d sleep on the floor. I held you until you fell asleep and then relocated to the ground. No, I did not drug you.” Zemo sounded calm but there was something that sounded suspiciously like concern lingering in his voice. That was worrisome. 

Also worrisome was that he ‘held him’. He definitely did not remember being ‘held’ by Zemo. Not that he would have allowed it if he’d been conscious of what was happening. 

Bucky’s lips twitched into a proper frown from his general empty expression and he asked, “Held me? I don’t remember that. What do you mean ‘bad night’?”

Zemo looked at him curiously and tilted his head as he seemed to think about how to respond. It irked Bucky to see him looking so composed while he was sitting in an unknown bed, naked, and confused. 

“You suffered what I’ll call a relapse into your Winter Soldier programming. I’m almost surprised you didn’t wake up still under the effects of it. You were so deeply immersed by the end of the night that you stopped reverting to being yourself. At the start, you would occasionally break through with your own personality and be rather confused as to where you were.”

Bucky had a single moment of frozen terror. Pure and unrestricted panic. Walls closing in on his mind as the words Zemo said sunk in. 

It was his worst fear. What they did for him in Wakanda didn’t work. Or it had been only temporary. Either way, he was falling back into routine. How much longer did he have before he didn’t even have autonomy anymore?

“James, please calm yourself,” Zemo said suddenly as he moved forward on his knees and placed his hands on Bucky’s cheeks. “You risk blacking out again if you panic. While I don’t mind caring for your alternate personality, he is quite helpless if I give him no orders. I would expect you do not want me giving him orders, so it’s to our benefit for you to stay in control for now.”

“For now?” he gasped, horrified to the core. “How many times did I--?”

Zemo looked very serious as he answered and Bucky knew this was no joke. Absolutely none of the man’s general smug attitude was showing. “I am not certain. Several times the switch was so subtle that I believe you were changing rapidly between yourself and him. Has this ever happened before?”

Bucky shook his head violently from side to side. No, this had never happened before. Not even before Wakanda. The first few months after his fight--his fight with Steve--he felt like he was still trying to surface for air from a deep lake. Every day he could see more light as he surfaced. At some point, he became aware and realized he was wandering around in Russia. 

His first instinct had been to return to HYDRA, but the fall of the core in the US had caused the scattering of all remaining agents. There was no one to receive him at any of the former hideouts. That was good because if there had been then he would have never fully woken up. 

After that point, he fled to Romania and hid himself away for two years. And not once during that time did he become the Winter Soldier again. 

Why now? 

The bar and Zemo. It was exactly like he feared. Playing the Soldier again broke something in his head.

He snarled and grabbed Zemo by the collar to yank him to his feet. The man didn’t resist as he was shoved against the wall so hard that he half-expected the drywall to cave in. 

“You did this!”

“I can assure you, James, that I did not. Or if I did, that it was not my intent. Perhaps it was foolish of me to risk it by having you pretend to be the Winter Soldier again. I’ll concede that point. I apologize,” Zemo said carefully, gently, and dipped his head in apology. It sounded sincere. 

“That doesn’t help me now, does it?” Bucky spat back in frustration. All the apologies in the world wouldn’t undo it if he was fucked in the head.

Zemo pinned him with another stare. How could he be so confident when it was Bucky holding him up like he was a ragdoll? 

“If it’s any consolation, you’re communicating in a fluent manner you didn’t seem capable of last night. Even while you were yourself, you only managed a few sentences at a time before switching.”

“Gee, thanks,” he said as he dropped the other man. He wasn’t in the mood for violence after this frankly terrifying morning so Zemo could keep his head. 

He turned away and moved to the closet. There were clothes hanging but none of them would fit. He needed his own. 

Bucky looked around the room but couldn’t find them. And now he was getting self-conscious about the fact that he was completely naked in front of Zemo. But damned if he was going to let that show. 

Instead, he glanced over his shoulder at the man straightening his ridiculous coat and asked, “Where are my clothes?”

Zemo looked up and shrugged slightly. “The guest bathroom where you were showering last evening if I were to take a guess. I will retrieve them for you. Try not to break down in the interim.” The man walked away with a vague handwave.

God, he hated him. Zemo knew how to get under his skin like no one else it seemed. Maybe because he’d been deeper under it than anyone besides HYDRA. 

Disturbed beyond reason, he walked over to the mirror that hung on the wall and looked himself in the eye. He looked like shit, to be honest. His eyes were puffy in a way that said he’d been crying. Some remnant of the cocky kid from Brooklyn in him was annoyed at that. 

His hair was all over the place. Had he run his hands through it when it was wet?

The door opened again and Zemo tossed in his clothes with a quick, “Here.”

“Thanks,” he said a little more genuinely and appreciated that Zemo didn’t come in. The other man shut the door to give him some privacy to dress. 

It felt good to get some clothes on even if they did smell like smoke and gunpowder. Those scents were familiar enough to be comforting at this point. At least they didn’t smell like Zemo.

He went into the connected bathroom and thankfully found a comb and some hair gel. Normally he didn’t use any, but his hair had dried in such a wild manner that he needed it to get it tame again. 

Dressed and looking more like himself, he took a last lookover in the mirror. Had last night really happened? Maybe it was a nightmare. He didn’t feel like the Winter Soldier. He didn’t even feel the same way he had back when he was still breaking free. His mind was clear and he felt like he’d actually had a decent night of sleep for once. 

Great, he thought, he needed to have a breakdown and cuddle with a psychopath to get a full night of sleep without waking up screaming. 

Feeling slightly assured that he wasn’t going to suddenly snap back into his programming, he exited into the living room to find Sam and Sharon standing there talking with Zemo. They both glanced at him. Sharon, at least, looked irked. 

“Morning, handsome,” she greeted sarcastically. “Too much to drink? You threw up all over my rug, broke one of my best glasses, and now you’re slamming this asshole against walls.”

“Sorry,” Bucky muttered, not bothering to correct her that super-soldiers couldn’t get drunk, and looked at Sam. The other man looked far more uneasy than Sharon. He probably knew what happened and Sharon didn’t then. To assure him, Bucky offered a quick, “Morning, Sam. I’m feeling better.”

“Glad to hear it,” Sam answered back with a cautious tone and a glance at Zemo. He didn’t continue from there but Bucky could sense the question hanging. What did Zemo do?

He caught his eye and shrugged. Sam just pursed his lips and hummed a note of annoyance.

Sharon glanced around at all of them and seemed to sense that there was an invisible conversation happening. 

“Okay, sure, don’t share after wrecking my stuff. I’ll go get ready for our rendezvous with Nagel. Get whatever this is under control,” she said exasperated. They nodded and she cast one last glare at Bucky before she left to depart up the stairs. 

Once she was gone, Sam spoke first. He addressed Zemo with his eyes narrowed, “What did you do? He seems fine now. Convenient since you seemed so onboard with taking him to Wakanda, consequences be damned, last night.”

What?

Zemo responded casually, “I comforted him while he was having his breakdown and soothed him to sleep. He awoke as himself once more as I told you I hoped would happen. I did not intervene using any commands or trickery.”

Sam didn’t seem to buy that. “Yeah, sure. You telling me you didn’t fuck around with his head in the bar and then need to put him back together once it was more serious than you expected?”

“No, Sam, I did not experiment on James. I have my code.”

“Your code didn’t seem to include not turning him on his friends in Berlin.”

“I wasn’t aware you knew each other well enough to be friends at that time, Sam. I turned him on Steve Rogers for all of an hour. A crime that I believed was necessary to avenge the deaths of my family. It was not kind of me, but I never claimed to be a saint,” Zemo explained as he started to pace in a slow circle around the room. 

Sam’s upper lip rose in anger as he snapped back, “That’s what you call a code then? ‘I’m good until I don’t want to be’? Bullshit, man.”

Zemo’s face had a quick flash of his own anger before settling back into his usual calm mask. “More like, I use only the methods I need to get to the ends I feel are necessary. I did try other methods before abusing James that day, Sam. It was not my first choice.”

“Yeah, so--”

“Stop! ” Bucky barked finally. This was giving him a headache and he didn’t even get those from normal methods. 

Zemo and Sam turned to look at him. Zemo looked smug again, back to his usual insufferable self, and Sam looked half betrayed and half angry that Bucky interrupted. 

“We’ve got a mission,” Bucky ground out. “Let’s focus on that before I start ticking back and forth between me and the Winter Soldier like a fucking metronome. The faster we wrap this up, the faster I can get back to Wakanda to see what the hell is up with my programming.”

“Fine,” Sam said, anger bleeding back into annoyance. “Don’t know why I even bothered worrying. You’ve got your pet psychopath to patch your ass up.”

“That’s not--,” Bucky tried and failed for a response. It didn’t matter; Sam stalked out of the room in the same direction Sharon went. 

“Fuck,” he hissed to no one but himself. He hadn’t meant to dismiss Sam’s concern. It was valid. He wouldn’t want to be trapped on a mission with a ticking time bomb of a super-soldier either. 

Zemo stopped his pacing and leaned against the wall in a beam of sunlight. He stared for a few moments before saying, “He means well, James. His anger at me is not unjustified. I will defend myself as needed, but I recognize why he feels the way he does.”

“Do you just love playing Devil’s Advocate?” he asked, tired again, as he turned to look at the other man. “Does it give you a headache changing sides that fast?”

“I don’t change sides, James. I assess views that are not my own with the knowledge that they were created by experiences I do not share. It is a lens I wish was more often applied to my own actions.” Zemo looked uncomfortable for a moment and looked out the window. 

“My crimes against you were in service to the memory of my people and my family. You weren’t even one of the antagonists in the horrors of my life. I did not want to do to you what I did. I had planned to release the info about the Starks, but my hope was to do so without involving you directly. I tried to get the info from Karpov, but he died as he lived. Hailing HYDRA.”

Bucky felt a shiver creep up his spine at the words and the name of one of his former handlers. Karpov had been a monster. He wasn’t the worst handler he’d ever had, but the man still tortured him like all the rest. Allowed the guards to use him as their plaything. Commanded him to kill innocents by the dozens. The only good thing he could say about Karpov was that he hadn’t raped him like other handlers did. It made him a rare specimen in the long line of monsters that controlled Bucky in the past. 

“You killed him?” he asked, trying for casual and missing it by miles. 

“I hung him upside down over a sink and let it fill with water while asking for information. He declined to give me any and drowned in that sink. It was him who had your manual,” Zemo clarified. “Does it… please you to know he’s dead? Or do you feel a connection to him?”

Bucky looked at him sharply, with disgust in his eyes and in his expression. “A connection? He was part of HYDRA. He was one of the worst monsters this world has ever seen. Yes, it pleases me that he’s dead. What kind of question is that?”

Zemo looked at him fully and made a small noise of interest. His face read nothing more than a slight curiosity but his eyes looked deadly serious. Bucky suddenly realized whatever it was that prompted the question… he didn’t want to know.

“Don’t--,” Bucky started, swallowed, and continued. His mouth was as dry as a desert. “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

Zemo just nodded and looked back out the window. 

“You should get some water and have some breakfast, James,” the man advised. His voice was gentle now and it made Bucky feel dizzy for a moment. A fog was settling in over his thoughts just listening to it. “It will be a long day. You will need the energy.”

Bucky nodded distantly and made his way up the stairs to the kitchen. Zemo’s eyes burned into his back the whole way up.

Chapter Text

The ride to the shipping yard where Nagel was hiding was difficult for Bucky. His head was swimming like he was back at Coney Island in the 1940s and he’d just stepped off his fifth go on one of the rapidly spinning rides. He hadn’t been this dizzy since before receiving the serum.

He wasn’t sure what was happening, but there was a vague dread forming in his gut. He was tense and agitated. 

The morning had rushed past him in a blur and he could barely even remember the events. Had he showered this morning? Why did he still smell like the smoke and gunpowder of Selby’s bar if he had? 

It reminded him of how he smelled after a mission. The serum dulled the sweat glands, so blood and gunpowder were often the most common things for him to carry home. Sometimes exhaust and smoke from burning corpses and objects his handlers didn’t want found. Discarding evidence. 

Zemo kept looking at him and he couldn’t place why. Every time he caught the man staring, he just blinked back at him with a blank expression. He couldn’t manage the effort to be malicious.

Nagel was the mission and he had to focus. He needed the energy to complete his mission so he shut down his facial expressions and channeled everything into keeping his motions fluid. He checked his weapon twice and made sure it didn’t look like it would jam. A jammed gun was a recipe for a poorly executed mission. 

When they arrived, Sharon jumped out of the driver seat and opened up the trunk. “Alright boys, let’s keep this quick. The bounty on your head is still active. We should get you out to town quickly or you won’t be leaving Madripoor any time soon.”

Sam and Zemo nodded. Bucky just kept his face neutral and placed the earpiece she handed him in his ear. 

“Let’s go,” she motioned and led them into the maze of shipping containers. 

He walked quickly after her with quiet, measured steps. He didn’t make noise when on a mission. It was inefficient. Sam, by contrast, was so loud. It was amazing that they hadn’t given away their position already. 

Zemo was quiet too. It didn’t surprise him. The man had been part of his own operation, EKO Scorpion, in Sokovia. He’d never asked what they did but a group like that didn’t earn the distinction of a ‘kill squad’ without an unsavory mission record. 

“This is the one,” Sharon said as she stopped in front of a specific container. “I’ll keep an eye out, but make it quick. We’re on borrowed time.” She walked off briskly while drawing her weapon to keep watch.

They cracked open the door and found nothing inside. Not even a piece of furniture.

That all but confirmed they were in the right spot, he figured, as he cautiously entered. His feet made a non-zero amount of noise on the metal flooring as he stepped but he kept his footfalls light.

“Sharon, are you sure? This thing is empty,” Sam asked into his earpiece as he peered inside the empty container. Bucky looked at him sharply in disapproval. His voice was loud inside the container as it bounced off the walls.

“Positive. It has to be,” came her tinny-sounding voice through all of their earpieces. 

Zemo walked forward and carefully investigated the back wall of the container. A moment later, a loud creak alerted them to the door he’d found. It swung back and revealed stairs leading up and the sound of music drifting downwards. 

They ascended together, carefully, with weapons drawn. At the top of the stairs, there was a small lab that looked correctly equipped to create the serum they were seeking. And in it, a man working with his back to them and singing along softly to the lyrics coming from a record player spinning behind him. 

Bucky spared a glance at Zemo whose face was now very serious. Deadly serious. He watched him step up to the record player and lift the needle off, instantly halting the song. 

The man in front of them let out a small noise of fear and turned around to look at them. He was greeted by the sight of Sam’s gun drawn on him. 

“Dr. Nagel?” Sam asked.

The man recovered his composure quickly and demanded, “Who are you? What do you want?”

“We know you created the super-soldier serum--,” Sam continued as the man spun around to walk away.

“Get out of my lab,” Nagel sneered as he maneuvered around Sam like the weapon in his hands was a toy. 

Sam looked shocked for a moment before exclaiming, “Hey--” 

Nagel made it just to the other side of his equipment before finally catching sight of Bucky who stared back at his mark. His target. 

The man was pulled back by Sam who gestured to Bucky and said, “You know who he is, right?” He paused to point to Zemo next. “This is Baron Zemo. I know you’ve heard of him too, right?”

Sam shoved him towards Bucky and grabbed hold of his arm tightly. “You seem like a pretty smart guy, so you better become conversational real quick.” He shoved him again and Nagel bounced against a metal grate before steadying himself.

“How about a counter proposal?” Nagel asked, imperiously. “Make me a better offer and I’ll talk.”

“Guys, we have company,” came Sharon’s voice again through their earpieces. They were running out of time. The mission was at risk.

He sprung into action and grabbed the target by his collar to drag him back to the chair he’d been sitting in prior. The target barely struggled as he was shoved into it more harshly than Sam had shoved him into the grate. 

He didn’t hesitate to press the muzzle of his gun directly to the target’s temple. 

“Every bounty hunter in the city is here. We’ve got to go.” Their outside operative was hurrying them along. If the mission wasn’t completed soon, they would be forced to abandon it and try again. It would be a failure and he didn’t fail missions.

“Talk,” he commanded and pressed the gun harder against the fragile skin of the target’s face.

“I was brought in to HYDRA’s Winter Soldier program to pick up their work after the five failed test subjects in Siberia,” the target said with a glance at him. His expression never changed and his hand never wavered from where it still held the gun.

He knew the other Soldiers were failures. They could barely be contained let alone finish missions efficiently. He was the only true Зимний Солдат. They were on occasion able to subdue him, but his orders were not to kill. If they had been, he would have been successful.

After looking for a reaction and not finding one, the target continued, “When HYDRA fell, I was recruited by the CIA. They had blood samples from an American test subject with semi-stable traces of serum in his system. After much… labor, I was able to isolate the necessary compounds in his blood.”

The target leaned forward, manic, and fixed his eyes on his handler. He responded by pressing the gun harder into the man’s face to push him back. The target was undeterred as he said, “I was a god. I did what no other scientist since Erskine was able to do. But mine… was going to be different.” 

The man shook his head as he spoke, “No clunky machines. Or jacked up bodies. Mine was going to be subtle… Optimized… Perfect.”

The other man in the room, his handler’s assistance, asked, “How have we never heard about this?” The glance he cast was at him, but he didn’t have the attention to wonder why. He was focused solely on the target. 

“Because… Before I was able to complete my work, I turned to dust,” the target answered, finally looking down in some form of humility. There should have been more while addressing his handler. “Then when I returned, it was five years later. The program had been abandoned, so I came here. The Power Broker was more than happy to fund the recreation of my work.”

“How many vials did you make?” 

“Twenty,” the man said simply. He looked away briefly and then back. “Karli Morgenthau stole those, so… We can only imagine what the Power Broker has planned for that poor girl.”

The man beside him asked, “Where’s Karli now?”

“I don’t know where she is, but a couple of days ago she called and asked if I could help someone named Donya Madani. Poor woman has tuberculosis. Typical, of overpopulation in displacement camps like that…” 

The man pursed his lips as though he cared, but it was clear he couldn’t spare a scrap of interest for the dying woman he referenced. It didn’t matter to him.

Behind them, his handler shifted slightly. That made him grow tense and ready. He was ready to execute the mission. He knew what his handler wanted to know. He wasn’t sure how, but he did. 

“Is there any serum in this lab?” he asked, pushing the gun forward again but more aggressively this time.

“N-No,” the target said, finally showing some fear. 

His handler nodded once, absently, and reached inside his coat while the man beside them was distracted. 

He reacted instantly, pulling the trigger and killing the target. 

Before the sound of the gunshot was even done ringing, his handler had a gun of his own pointed at where the man had been sitting not but a second before. Now there was a lifeless husk with half a skullcap and blood dripping from his mouth and eyes. 

Both his handler and the man with them looked at him. The man seemed shocked, but his handler had knowing, approving eyes. 

“Молодец, Солдат,” his handler purred. His brain lit up with contentment. He’d done well. 

“What the fuck did you--,” the other man whispered. His face was horrified. He was staring at him like he was seeing a monster. “What the fuck did you do ?” 

He was ready to raise his gun and kill this other, even looked to his handler for orders, but the man spun around to grab his handler first. 

On autopilot, he lunged forward and grabbed the man. He required no orders to protect his handler. It was an automatic protocol. 

He pulled him back and raised his gun before his handler shouted, “Нет! Солдат, стой!”

He looked up at his handler in confusion, but dropped his gun again to his side and let go of the man. He must have been putting an excess of pressure on the man’s neck as he choked and gasped while writhing on the ground.

His handler moved forward with quick, confident steps and took his face in his hands before saying, “You’ve done very well, солдат. This man is our ally. His name is Sam. You will protect Sam. You will not protect me from Sam.”

He nodded and responded, “Yes, sir.” But inside, it was turmoil to agree. He wanted to protect his handler at all costs. It was his prime directive. However, new orders always trumped old ones. 

“I’ll--I’ll kill you,” the man on the ground hissed up at his handler, who just regarded him as one might an annoying fly. He wanted to kill him again, but the orders stayed his hand.

“Once again, I will not expect you to understand, Sam. However, this is still not my doing. I do now have some suspicions. Let’s hurry along on escaping, shall we?”

A woman rushed in at that very moment and breathlessly said, “We’ve gotta get out of here!” 

She spared a look at the dead target and her jaw dropped slightly. “What--What did you do ?”

His handler didn’t even react to her entrance and he recognized her voice as their intel from comms. She was an ally as well. 

Before anyone could react further an explosion rocked the whole container, knocking them to the ground, and filling the room with fire. 

He recovered first and assessed his options quickly. He’d just been given the orders to protect this Sam, but he hadn’t been given orders to protect the woman. His prime directive to protect his handler came first and, with the spreading fire, he could only reliably save one. So he grabbed his handler and hauled him up off the ground. The man stood quickly and followed along as he was dragged to safety outside of the container. 

Once they were outside, his handler turned to him and sternly said, “Go rescue Sam and Sharon. Do not put yourself in mortal danger but assist in getting them to safety. I will secure us a getaway.”

He didn’t like that order at all. There was gunfire outside. His handler would be in danger. 

He didn’t want to comply.

Pain flared in his head at the thought and he automatically voiced, “I have a want, sir.”

Pure surprise read on his handler’s face for a brief moment before he asked, “What is it, солдат?” 

“I wanted to protect you,” he said miserably. It was his never-ending mission. The only one he couldn’t afford to fail. 

His handler smiled at him gently, clasped his face in his hands while pulling him closer. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. The explosion of pleasure in his mind was almost blinding. He felt like he was floating.

“Very good, солдат. So loyal and good. Our friends are important too. Don’t worry about me. I will not leave you while you still need me.”

Only one thing came to mind as his thoughts turned to contented mush, so he said it, “I will always need you.”

His handler’s smile widened and he pressed another quick kiss to his forehead before pulling away. “I will be sure to remind James that you said that. Now go save them.” His handler rushed off into the danger leaving him behind.

James.

Fear set in as he thought the name. The clawing at the door to his mind was loud. The screaming was loud. It had never been louder. James wanted out. 

Not now, he thought. His handler needed him now. He had a mission now. It wasn’t the right time. The monster inside him could have its turn when they were safe. 

He rushed back up to the lab and collected both this Sam and Sharon under each of his arms. They were unconscious, but they hadn’t been harmed and they hadn’t been in the smoke long enough to become ill. 

They began to awaken as soon as he got them into the fresh air. 

“P-Put me down, man,” the man, Sam, said with a cough. “We gotta get out of here.”

Such an observation was pointless. His survival instincts must err on the side of the weak. Instead of putting him down, he moved quickly through the maze of containers. Bullets were cutting through the paths between containers with no clear rhyme or reason. These were not trained sharpshooters. 

He felt slightly better about the fate of his handler. Most handlers were already astute soldiers themselves. The speed at which his handler had drawn his gun on the target proved that this was likely the case for this one as well. 

Seeing a safe spot to put down his cargo, he dropped behind some twisted metal that peeled off from the shipping containers after the explosion. They would be safe there. 

He drew his gun and began methodically taking out their assailants. It only took him one shot for each one. He did not miss. 

Somewhere else in the shipping yard, more precise shots were firing. That was his handler, he was sure. The cadence of each shot was totally different from the wild gunfire from these fools attacking them. Each shot cut the noise down as whichever gunman was hit stopped shooting entirely. His handler did not miss either it seemed. 

Zemo probably learned it in EKO Scorpion. He should ask sometime what they did. But he didn’t want to make it seem like he was interested in anything having to do with the man.

What? No, he was very interested in his handler. Of course he was. There was no person on the planet that mattered more to him. 

Why was he killing? He didn’t do this anymore. Bucky gaped at the gun he didn’t remember using. A bullet whizzed past his ear as he was frozen in place, breaking him from his trance, and causing him to dive back to the same cover Sam and Sharon were hiding behind. 

How the fuck did he get here?

Oh God, it happened again. It fucking happened again. 

He started to hyperventilate as he crouched down and curled in on himself. Why was this happening? What did he do to deserve it? Where was his handler--Zemo. Zemo. Baron, fucking, Zemo.

“Fuck,” he whispered and raised a hand to his mouth as saliva welled up. He was going to vomit. 

“Earth to Buck?” Sam hissed from beside his ear, causing him to start violently and edge away in fear. Sam just watched with an angry, confused, concerned expression. “Are you okay? Back with us? How did he do it? How did he activate you?”

“I--I don’t--,” Bucky said as he scrambled for an answer. As far as he knew, Zemo had not activated him. “He didn’t… I just… It just happened .”

Sam didn’t like that answer. He looked aghast as he asked, “When?”

“I don’t know? The car? Sharon’s living room? I remember getting in the car but I think I was already fading out.” It was all tangled in his head. Were the memories he needed locked up with the Winter Soldier behind the giant iron door he imagined in his psyche? Inside, it was like a storm was raging. He felt like a ball of anxiety.

He needed to know that Zemo was okay. Until he did, the Soldier wasn’t going to stop rioting. 

He staggered to his feet to go look, but he realized all at once that the shooting was done. He hadn’t even noticed. A frightening mistake.

Then a car drove up beside them and he found Zemo behind the wheel. 

The man smiled at him and said, “Supercharged,” with a shrug. Bucky just stared back at him blankly as he checked for wounds. Zemo seemed fine. In fact, he seemed to be in a good mood. 

The relief he felt was intense and sickening. It was like he was right back in Siberia protecting his handlers from the other Winter Soldiers. Zemo, for better or worse, was marked down as one of his handlers in his psyche. 

Sam limped up behind him and spat at Zemo, “You’re going back to jail.”

Zemo, to his credit, looked unaffected by the threat. “Do you want to find Karli or not?”

Bucky finally realized the damning truth. Zemo was the key to fixing whatever was wrong in his head or at least understanding it. It was like a waking nightmare. He was half in service to a man who used him like a walking weapon only a handful of years ago. 

He wanted Zemo back in jail very badly. But he wasn’t even sure if he wouldn’t go and break the man out again if his brain snapped back into being the Winter Soldier. Until then, he needed him.

Still, Bucky wasn’t stupid. If he didn’t play it off for Sam, then the decision would be out of his hands. 

So instead of saying that he needed him, he said, “He’s right. We need him”

Sam shot him a look that had traces of fear in it but, blissfully, didn’t argue. “Fine, but if you try that shit again...,” he warned while pointing at Zemo.

Zemo let his good mood fall as he looked up at Sam and said, “I swear to you, Sam. I have done nothing. I am as concerned as you are. With that said, it seems you are feeling better, James?” 

How Zemo always knew he was talking to, he wasn’t sure, but Bucky nodded all the same. “Yeah, I’m good.”

He got into the front seat of the car and slumped down tiredly. This had taken a lot out of him. He’d also killed an untold number before he woke up. It seemed his lucky streak was over. His mind felt like it was shrouded in fog; muddled from the day’s events. He could barely think.

Sam crawled into the backseat and beckoned Sharon in. Instead, she closed the door to the car and backed away while still fixing her gaze on the back of his head. He could feel her staring.

“Well, this has been an interesting reunion,” she said with a sigh.

From the backseat, Sam urged, “Come back to the states with us.”

Sharon sighed again. “I told you I can’t.” She backed away further and turned to leave. “Get me that pardon you promised me,” was the last thing she said before she walked off the other way.

Sam called after her, “Thank you for everything.” 

He turned back forward, shifted uncomfortably in the small backseat, and asked a familiar question, “You’re not going to move your seat up, are you?” It was a small attempt at humor; an olive branch.

He was happy he couldn’t see his face as he answered, “No.” His eyes stared dead ahead into space and he knew he’d have to keep Sam from panicking any further about his mental state. He could pretend. Just like he’d pretended in Selby’s bar. 

The Soldier could pretend to be ‘Bucky’.

Chapter Text

They didn’t return to Sharon’s home. Instead, his handler drove them in a direction he didn’t recognize. The trust that his handler would see them to safety was implicit. He had nothing to fear except being discovered by Sam. 

Thus far, pretending to be ‘Bucky’ was easy. He was quiet and kept his face blank. His first test would be when it came time to communicate at length. He didn’t know ‘Bucky’. He didn’t know how he reacted to things. 

James felt like a beast in his head. All anger and thrashing. If ‘Bucky’ and James were the same person then he supposed he should react in mock anger. But react to what? He needed to speak to his handler in private to get an assessment of what James was like when he was in control. All without alerting Sam and without James actually taking over. 

He wasn’t even sure what caused James to seize control yet and he wasn’t sure how he was taking back control without having a will to do so. When James was at the forefront, the Soldier wasn’t even sure he existed. It was as death was meant to be: absolute nothingness. Like cryostasis, he figured. When he went into cryo he didn’t dream or think. It was just a long sleep.

Sam wasn’t talking during the drive either, which he counted as a good thing. The less they communicated, the less likely he was to reveal himself. 

His handler was still in a somewhat cheerful mood beside him. He blinked in pain as the want to know why flashed in his head. Now he had to comply with his order to inform his handler. 

Think. Careful. 

After a moment, he assessed his options and settled on an easy phrase, “I want to know why you are so happy.” He tried to sound unaffected, casual, perhaps stern. His handler had given him clues that James did not like him. He shouldn’t sound fond or robotic. 

His handler glanced at him a little too quickly for comfort. He could feel the man’s narrowed eyes assessing him before turning back to look at the road. His handler knew. Cover blown instantly. 

He tensed, ready for Sam to have the same realization. Instead, Sam said, “Yeah. Come on, Baron. Why are you so happy? You have it out for Nagel that bad?”

His handler shrugged and responded, “I take pride in the death of any HYDRA affiliate I can kill personally.” A tug of sadness in his stomach at hearing that caused the frown he was wearing to twitch deeper. His handler wasn’t looking at him, but his leg shifted closer to his own and pressed against him. 

His handler continued, “Except for you, James, of course. I will never harm you.”

His relief was palpable. His handler was kind and so very intelligent. His cover was safe.

So they were officially enemies of HYDRA. This was difficult to accept but he wanted to please his handler. This was the best handler he’d ever had. He’d never felt so safe and protected. He would be perfect for him.

The rest of the ride was silent. They arrived at an airport and followed his handler aboard a plane.

It was a nice plane; private. There was a man aboard who greeted his handler warmly with a, “Welcome back, sir.” So this belonged to his handler then. The both of them retreated to another part of the plane and left him and Sam behind together. He blinked as the want to follow stabbed him with pain. The urge was so bad that he ran the protocol three times before getting over it.

As soon as they were on board, Sam threw himself into a seat and looked at him. His face was serious. Time was up and he hadn’t even gotten to talk to his handler yet.

“Tell me what’s going on, Buck,” the man said as he rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I can’t even tell who I’m talking to anymore. You said you went into Winter Soldier mode back at Sharon’s? That meant you’d been him for hours before we noticed. Swear to me that Zemo didn’t activate you.”

“I swear,” he repeated back, going for a deadly serious tone. “Zemo did not activate me. I just became the Winter Soldier. It felt like waking up.”

Good, he wasn’t lying. It was easier to lie with the truth than improvise. 

Sam leaned in closer. “Did you have any clues that it was happening?”

He thought about it for a moment. He wasn’t sure. If he had, it would have been in the memories for James. Besides, even if he had, he didn’t want Sam to know.

“No, I don’t think so,” he answered with a shrug. “Like I said, it felt like I was waking up.”

The other man looked frustrated. He leaned back against the seat and sighed. “Well, that’s terrifying. At any given moment you can become a crazy killing machine and we’re not going to get any warning that it’s happening.”

His mouth turned down into a frown. He wasn’t a ‘crazy killing machine’. He was an efficient soldier. He didn’t want to kill anyone. He did so because he was under orders. 

Sam must have taken his frown to mean something else, because he said, “Don’t worry, man. We’ll get you back to Wakanda and sort this out. Until then we have to keep you stable. If you even start to feel like you’re losing control, you tell me, okay? Not Zemo. Me.”

He nodded because it was an easy lie. This wasn’t his handler. He was under no obligation to fulfill his orders. 

“I don’t want you anywhere near that psychopath. He gets inside your head too easily. You shot Nagel without him saying a single word. How could you have known to do that with no orders?”

“The Winter Soldier is capable of reading orders in simple gestures while on missions,” he said truthfully. “When in the middle of a mission, seconds can determine the outcome. My-- My reasoning was that Zemo nodded and reached for his own weapon.” A narrow save as he almost referred to his handler as such rather than by name. 

As soon as he was done talking, he was worried. Had he just made a mistake? Did Sam know that James couldn’t access memories from the Winter Soldier? Or… now that he thought about it, could James access his memories? His handler made it sound as if that wasn’t the case. It would make sense if they were separately definite entities in the same body that their memories were their own.

Sam didn’t seem to know this as he just nodded and slumped in his seat. 

“It’s like when you’re like that… you’re a puppet on strings. Strings held by one of the most dangerous men in the world. Let’s not forget: Zemo broke the Avengers into pieces. Maybe if we’d all been together, Thanos wouldn’t have won the first time.”

Thanos? Avengers? He had no context for these words but they sounded like important words James would recognize. He couldn’t risk commenting on this. 

He chose to sink into a seat of his own and cover his face as though the idea upset him. 

“We’ll get through this, Buck,” Sam consoled and he could feel the man place a hand on his shoulder. He tensed but managed to stop himself from jumping in fear or reacting with violence. “I won’t let you fall back under his spell. Steve would never forgive me.”

Steve.

He staggered to his feet and covered his mouth with his hand. He was going to be ill. He hadn’t thrown up since receiving the serum. 

Steve.

James wanted out and he wanted out now. 

“Excuse me,” he muttered and threw himself toward where he assumed the bathroom would be located. He found it and yanked it open while stumbling in. He was losing control. He wasn’t ready. He needed to stay. His handler needed him.

He looked into the mirror and stared into his own eyes. They looked panicked. Half his own, half belonging to James.

“No,” he thought to James. “I am in control.”

He wasn’t sure if the monster could hear him, but after clinging hard to his mind he was able to weather the storm. 

He sagged with relief. He’d won. His control was getting stronger. Maybe soon he wouldn’t need to be afraid anymore. He could devote himself to his handler and be a good soldier again.

A soft knock at the door was the only warning he had before it opened. He prepared himself to explain what just happened to Sam, but was relieved again to see it was his handler who slid smoothly into the small plane bathroom. 

He didn’t bother to hide his misery to him. His handler would help. 

Indeed, his handler looked sad upon seeing him up close. He took his face into his hands and pet his cheeks softly. 

“Oh, my солдат… What happened? Why are you so frightened?” his handler asked gently. He whimpered in response and felt the pain of a want as he realized he wanted to be held.

“I have a want, sir,” he admitted in a pathetic voice. “I want to be held. I am afraid. I am afraid of losing control.”

He was enveloped in his handler’s arms instantly. The warmth was perfect. He felt safe and treasured. He was a good soldier and his handler would protect him. He crouched slightly so he could press his face into his handler’s neck and whimpered again.

His handler started petting his hair and it felt divine. “You were pretending to be James. That was new, солдат. Why did you do that?” 

“I felt it was the best course of action to deceive Sam, sir. He is a threat to you when I am in control. While he expects that I am James, he has no reason to threaten you. If I am not to protect you from him, then I will prevent him from hurting you by other means. Furthermore, if he thinks I am James, he will have no cause to try to change me.”

“My good солдат… You are so clever. Your instincts are correct. It is best if Sam does not know when you are in control. He is clearly alarmed by you. And yet, you should not deny James control. He is afraid too.”

He let out a sad, involuntary noise and shook his head. He didn’t understand why his handler didn’t want him around. 

“You don’t want me, sir?” He needed to know. If it was because he’d been a bad soldier, he could be better. 

“Not the case, солдат. To be truthful, I have come to adore this version of you. There is fulfillment in this for me too. I have not felt more capable of providing comfort since my family was alive. I enjoy taking care of you,” his handler explained while petting him further. It felt good to hear that. He was pleasing his handler with his very existence. His handler liked that he needed him. This might be the most contentment he’d felt in his entire life.

But his handler continued, “At the same time, маленький, you are holding your other self hostage. James has his own wants, needs, and desires. Many of them in conflict with your programming. It’s not right for us to keep him chained up inside you.”

“He wants me gone,” he said weakly. “If he gets his way, the monster will make it so I don’t exist.”

His handler shushed him and soothed him by rubbing small circles on his back. 

“You cannot exist without him, nor can he exist without you. We will find a way for you to coexist or become one in such a way that you do not cease to exist. But you will never be free of each other. Or at least… I won’t allow them to destroy you,” his handler assured as he continued to comfort him. He could trust that. His handler wouldn’t let James get rid of him. 

His handler pulled back and forced him to stand up straight. He did so and waited for orders.

“Now, маленький, you will let James out. I need to speak with him.”

He was afraid. He wasn’t sure he knew how. And yet, he did. 

Bucky was awake and suddenly very far from where he’d been when he went to sleep. But finally, finally, he knew what had happened rather than being confused. 

Zemo was standing in front of him looking expectant and far too close for comfort. They were back on the plane. 

“What did I do?” he asked, exhausted. It was Berlin all over again.

“You killed Dr. Nagel and several bounty hunters. I suppose I ordered the death of the bounty hunters because I ordered you to protect Sam and Sharon. Nagel you killed by assuming an order from my movements,” Zemo explained quickly with a glance behind him. They must be on borrowed time.

“Why is this happening?” He slumped against the wall of the bathroom and tried to fight the urge to be sick. 

Zemo raised at hand to his chin and tapped it as he spoke. “My theory is that you are responding to the urge to please me in an attempt to get the internal reward from praise. If I am correct, you haven’t felt a rush of dopamine or serotonin in many years. I praised you in Selby’s bar after you executed the order to attack. From that moment, you’ve been teetering between being yourself and the Winter Soldier.”

“Are you telling me,” Bucky started. “That I’m losing my fucking mind because you said ‘good job’?”

The man nodded. “That is my theory at least. It is not uncommon James, A very similar reaction happens in drug users who have ceased using and start again.”

He barked out a sarcastic, angry, pained laugh. Great, he thought. He was a fucking drug addict.

Zemo continued, “You’ve been switching personalities in response to things I do most frequently. You also seem to switch often at the mention of Steve Rogers.”

Of course thinking about Steve would make him switch. He didn’t even want to think of the man’s name without hating himself. All of the faith Steve had in him was misplaced. He’d never stopped being the killing machine HYDRA made. He’d just delayed it. 

“So what do we do?” he asked and covered his face with his hands. The cool touch of his vibranium arm felt like a reminder of how fucked up he was inside. 

“We keep Sam calm, finish our mission, and we’ll get you to Wakanda. I will continue to take care of the Soldier when he’s in control. He is no danger so long as I keep him safe.”

Bucky pulled his hands away to glare at Zemo. The Soldier had been terrified at the idea of Zemo being hurt. He was treating him like any other handler. How long until he was being used by him like any other handler too?

“Wakanda, huh? You sure? Not enjoying my little breakdown? Must be nice to have your own personal killer. You plan to use me as a toy too? All the others did,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

He didn’t expect Zemo to reach his hand out and cup his cheek. Bucky wanted to punch the man, but he began speaking before he could, “No, James. I will not use you. I am hesitant to give even the simplest orders. I do not relish your emotional pain. I promise that I will help. But, I will confess, I enjoy your Winter Soldier personality. You are very sweet that way.”

Bucky let out a snarl of rage at hearing the end of that. He grabbed Zemo by the collar and lifted him off the floor. 

“Of course, I’m ‘sweet’. I’d drop to my knees and suck you off if you asked while I was the ‘Winter Soldier’. Been there done that hundreds of times. What? You think you’re special? I’m ‘sweet’ to all my handlers.”

Zemo didn’t look at all afraid. He looked sad as he reached back out to Bucky’s cheek. 

“I know, James. I will be better than they were. You deserve so much better.”

He dropped Zemo and turned away. He didn’t need pity. He didn’t need Zemo’s kindness. He needed to get the fucking Winter Soldier burned out of his system. Maybe Wakanda could reverse engineer the programming to program him to be Bucky instead.

He was crying, he realized, but he didn’t remember starting. Furiously, he wiped his eyes. So stupid. What were tears going to do for him?

His thoughts felt sluggish. It was like the room was closing in around him. Like trying to look through a dense fog. No, it was a blizzard and he was growing numb. 

“We’ll talk about this later,” he muttered to Zemo who was still staring holes into his back. “Sam is waiting.”

He turned to look at Zemo and found the man was looking at him with narrowed eyes. He blinked back at him. What was he looking at? His tears? 

“Солдат?”

“Я готов отвечать,” he answered automatically. 

His handler looked at him with plain curiosity on his face. “Your switch from James to the Winter Soldier seems much gentler and gradual than your switch from the Winter Soldier to James. It’s much less… violent? Abrupt?”

It wasn’t a real question, so he didn’t respond. He wasn’t even aware when he was taking control. One moment he was asleep, the next he was awake. 

“Do you know if James knows it’s happening when it does?” his handler asked as he leaned in to peer closely at him.

“I don’t know, sir,” he said. The answer to that was only something James had. 

His handler nodded and looked to the door. “Sam is being suspiciously quiet. Let’s go see what’s going on. If you must continue playing along as James, then you’ll need to know a few things.”

“What is ‘the Avengers’ and ‘Thanos’?” Those were the two most pressing things to learn since they were referenced recently. 

His handler flinched a bit at the word ‘Avengers’ but answered quickly, “The Avengers was a team of so-called ‘heroes’ who protected the world from threats. They were responsible for the death of my family. You are tangentially connected through a man named Steve Rogers, but you did not help commit the acts that killed my family. Steve Rogers was a friend of James from youth.”

It was his turn to flinch.

Steve. 

His handler noticed. He frowned and reached up to pet him. “His name distresses you. It probably pulls James to the forefront.”

He nodded in agreement. The monster raged when it heard that name. 

“We will not discuss him then. Just know if Sam mentions him, you should speak fondly. He was a stubbornly noble man. Do not try to fabricate memories, you will betray yourself. If you cloud your expression with pain and look away, Sam is likely to drop the subject.”

He swallowed heavily and nodded again. “And Thanos?”

“Thanos I know only by reputation. He was a… man who killed half the population of the planet.” That didn’t sound possible. His handler continued, “But the Avengers were able to undo it using science and sorcery.”

Sorcery? What had happened in the world while the monster led him around for years? 

“Speak of him harshly. Look angry. James is a quiet man. Much of your communication can be done with facial expressions and short sentences. Sam will think you’re brooding,” his handler finished with a final pat of his cheek.

For a moment they just looked at one another before his handler smiled and said, “You are so good, солдат. I’m so pleased with you. You’ve been so good today. I want you to run a reward protocol.”

His mind lit up like a lightbulb and he let out a desperate noise. It felt so good. His body felt warm all over. His handler was perfect. He wanted to please him further. 

“I have a want, sir,” he gasped between alternating shocks of pain and pleasure. His want was spiraling and he couldn’t stop it from executing the same punishment over and over. “I want you to use me.”

His handler seemed interested as he tilted his head in thought. “Солдат, do you feel desire? Is that something you’ve been programmed to do?”

“I have wants, sometimes, sir,” he answered in confusion. Wants and desire were the same, right?

“When you say ‘use you’, I assume you mean sexually. To want that for your own fulfillment, would be desire. To want it because you want to fulfill my wants is something else. I’m curious to know if you’ve got your own needs,” his handler explained. It still didn’t make a lot of sense to him but he figured he could give a better answer now.

“My want is at its core a want to be closer with you. I also want to please you. Can it be both?”

“Yes, солдат. It can be both. However, I must deny you. I’ve promised James that I will not touch you in such a way. I don’t intend to break that promise without his permission. Until I have consent from both halves of you, I won’t be engaging in any sexual activity with you. Petting will have to do enough.”

He frowned unhappily and the cycle of want and pain stopped. He would have happily endured that for his handler. James ruined this for him. 

“Now, “ his handler said. “Let’s go see Sam.”

As he moved to follow his handler out of the bathroom, he wondered how he could get James to agree. He was eager to serve his handler. If all that stood between him and that pleasure was one line from James, he’d find a way.

Chapter Text

They were lucky with Sam’s attention. He’d been distracted by a phone call and didn’t notice how long they were gone. He also kept shooting him guilty looks like he wanted to apologize for his last statement that caused him to flee. 

“They found Madani. Dead,” Sam said somberly as he hung up the phone. “She died in Riga, a city near the Baltic sea.”

His handler sat down and looked contemplative for a moment. Then, “I have a place we can go.”

Sam glared at him but said nothing. His handler called to the front of the plane in a language that he didn’t fully recognize. It had similarities to Serbian, so he could understand a few single words. They were headed to Latvia if he gathered enough.

He sat down across from his handler and tried to avoid looking at him. He didn’t think James would stare especially at his handler.

They lapsed into silence as the plane took off a short while later.

“Buck, you still feeling okay?” Sam asked eventually. 

He looked at him and gave a quick nod before looking away. He kept his expression stern, but not empty. Like he was angry at something he didn’t care to voice.

“Then I’m going to get some sleep. If this guy starts messing with your head, come wake me up. Okay?” Sam stood and stretched while gesturing to his handler.

He gave another nod as Sam walked off to the back of the plane. There were probably sleeping quarters back there on a plane this luxurious. Sam had also probably been on this plane before.

When he was out of sight, he stopped resisting the urge to look at his handler and fixed him with a stare. He found his handler looking back at him with a small smile. He looked tired too. His handler would need sleep soon.

He didn’t need sleep. He’d slept recently and he could go several days before needing to do so again. He would protect his handler while he slept. 

His handler reached out and started petting him. He leaned forward onto the small table between them so he could give a better angle for the petting. He was rewarded with his handler’s fingers threading through his hair.

“I enjoy this, sir,” he risked. It wasn’t appropriate of him to speak without being spoken to and it wasn’t appropriate for him to express such a thing. And yet, he knew his handler wouldn’t be angry.

“I’m glad to hear it, солдат. You are like a cat. Always eager for petting but cautious. Too cautious to remind me of a dog. Though perhaps James is something like a wolf. Feral and dangerous but still very loyal.”

It bothered him how often his handler mentioned James. “Do you wish I was him more often, sir?”

“Not exactly,” his handler said with a thoughtful tone. “I wish you were in better sync with yourself. I wish you didn’t experience such drastic changes between this version of you and James. You have been in a lot of distress over the last two days. It pains me to see you like that.”

“You speak of him often.” He tried not to sound petulant, but he wasn’t sure if he’d managed to avoid it. 

“I suppose I’ve known him longer, but only just. You know the thing I find most interesting about you, солдат, is how wildly different you are from when we first met. At the time, you were obeying orders so I suppose I never got to see your more vulnerable side.” 

His handler paused and then continued very slowly and gently, “James said you were ‘sweet’ to all your handlers. I do not take it personally if that is the case. And yet, I get the feeling I am seeing a rare side of you, солдат. Every time you grow bolder, your face fills with doubt and fear for a moment before I respond. I believe that you’re allowing me to become much closer to you than even other handlers before me.”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, sir. It is easy to be good for you. You are kind and take care of me. I have only had one other handler who was similarly gentle that I can recall and he was much quicker to punish than you.”

He pulled from his memories of all his handlers and explained, “He would take care of me after missions and allow me to run reward protocols while he used me. But every time I was awake, there was someone who came over the intercom and made me run the final punishment protocol until it was time for a mission. It only stopped when my handler entered my cell. He would soothe me and comfort me.”

His handler was watching from across the table with a horrified expression, but the story wasn’t over. 

“I found out later that the two were the same man. He was testing me with the final punishment protocol and then would comfort me afterward. When I was good, he would give me chocolate and tell me to run a reward protocol as I ate it. If I was bad, he would make sure I learned from my mistake using the escalated punishment protocols. But he never used the final punishment protocol while I could see him so I was always happy when he entered my cell. He was my best handler before you.”

Before he could blink, his handler was in front of him. He flinched, expecting to be hit for revealing too much, but he was pulled close to his handler instead. His heart fluttered. This was the best handler. He was correct. 

“My солдат,” his handler whispered into his hair. “I had no idea that protocol was used that often. I was under the impression from the manual that it was for the most severe mistakes and your mission history was composed of almost complete successes. I’m so sorry, маленький.”

He let out a contented noise and pressed closer to his handler. The memories did not trouble him. That handler was still kind. No other handler had ever given him chocolate before. That handler also kept him out of cryostasis often so he had more memories of him than others. Pain was the price for improvement. 

Still, he loved his new handler so much more. 

His head blossomed with intense pain and he cried out a little in shock. It dissipated quickly, but it hurt far worse than his automatic corrections usually did. 

“Солдат?” his handler asked, concerned. 

He looked up at him and blinked in confusion. “I don’t know what happened, sir. I believe I issued a correction for feeling ‘love’ for you. I can’t remember ever feeling that before. But I know the concept, so perhaps I was programmed to forget it very long ago.”

His handler looked devastated and he regretted saying anything at all. His mouth fell into a frown at the sight. After a moment of staring at each other, his handler’s face grew fierce. Intense and determined in a way he saw back in the target’s lab.

“HYDRA has robbed you of every good thing, солдат. I won’t stop until every single HYDRA operative alive, besides you, is dead. We will get revenge for what they did to us.”

“Were the ‘Avengers’ part of HYDRA, sir?” he asked curiously. “Why do you hate HYDRA so?”

His handler looked a little surprised but he finally smiled again at him. It was tinged with sadness though. “HYDRA infiltrated my country and fueled a rebellion that tore it to shreds beneath our feet. That led to the rise of the Maximoff twins who led Ultron back to our home. Ultron was a sentient AI that determined the best way to force the human race to evolve was to turn my homeland into a meteor to crash into the Earth. He was stopped, but the debris falling from the sky killed my family. The pain started with HYDRA and ended with Ultron. As most things are, it was a complicated cascading affair.”

Ultron was a new name he didn’t recognize and a ‘sentient AI’ didn’t help clarify much. He would ask later. His handler was distressed and he shouldn’t make it worse. 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I? Sir?” he asked carefully. “I did many things for HYDRA.”

“No, солдат. You were never turned against me or my people. A blessing as who could have stopped you,” his handler grinned at him. “You’re magnificent when you fight. Like moving art.”

He glowed at the praise. He had been trained very well. No other was as good as he was at executing missions.

His handler looked around for a moment and then let go of him. He watched as his handler moved back to his seat and put it into recline. His handler laid down and he was beckoned over and he moved to quickly join him. 

His handler looked serious again as he went back to cradling him. “Tell me more about your life, солдат. If the man you described was the best, who was the worst?” 

These memories troubled him, but he wanted to be good so he forced himself to remember. “One of my handlers enjoyed wiping and resetting me often. He was testing the effects of the super-soldier serum’s increased healing on my brain. He would do damage and then see how well I healed from it.”

“When I executed a mission for him, he would always punish me. No matter how good I was, I was punished. Sometimes it was because I was a minute slower than he expected me or because I failed to clean the blood off my hands before presenting myself to him. Every time I fixed one error, he would find a new one. He was my handler for a very long time. I did not receive any praise and I was not ever allowed to run a reward protocol. I became very despondent so they replaced him eventually.”

His handler pressed a kiss to his temple and he turned his face to press closer. The fur of his handler’s coat rubbed against his cheek and he enjoyed that too. 

“Run another reward protocol, солдат,” his handler whispered softly. He did and his body trembled with pleasure. He stretched in his handler's arms and tried to get as close as he physically could. He was careful to not squeeze his handler or touch his skin with his cold, metal arm, but he was so contently buried in his handler’s arms. 

If his handler compared him to a cat before, it was more accurate now as a pleased rumble escaped his lungs. 

“To think,” his handler muttered in a dark tone. “A simple phrase gives you so much pleasure and they denied it to you. I worry for James, солдат. He cannot feel these things and me giving him commands will not help.”

He didn’t respond as he was still caught in the throes of his reward protocol, but he was glad James did not get this. It was his. 

“Are you familiar with the concept of ‘learned helplessness’, солдат?”

“No, sir,” he responded.

“Not surprising as it is a term coined in the 60s, but I believe it was a concept that HYDRA used on you to great success long before its official naming,” his handler explained.

“The concept is based upon an experiment where an animal trapped inside a box whose floor delivers shocks will try to escape if part of the floor does not deliver shocks. They will move to whatever part of the floor doesn’t hurt them instinctively. But animals trapped in a box who’s floor has no safe zone will sit there helplessly and not try to escape even if prompted. They have accepted that the pain will not stop.”

“You are an example of learned helplessness. They trained you to believe that nothing you could do would change the outcome of your life with HYDRA. You were capable of killing any of your handlers but instead you let them hurt you because you believed there was no escape.”

That thought made him sad again and he let out a whimper. His handler pet him immediately and said, “Run another reward protocol.”

His brain lit back up and he was content again.

“What about a ‘skinner box’? Operant conditioning?”

“No, sir,” he said again.

“Operant conditioning is a method of training where a reward is given after a specific behavior. You were likely given drugs to induce euphoria or fed after completing tasks during your early programming and praised at the same time. You came to associate completing tasks and missions with receiving a reward in the form of euphoria, which made you more likely to behave.”

He nodded slowly and continued listening. He wasn’t sure how he felt about looking deeply into how he was programmed. It frightened him, but he wasn’t going to question his handler. 

“How about Pavlov’s dog? 

Oh, he did know this one. “Yes, sir,” he answered with a note of pride. “I’ve heard of this.”

“This is an example of classical conditioning. You were praised as you were given rewards for tasks and you came to associate the praise with the feeling of the reward. Now when you hear praise, you respond by mimicking the feeling of the original reward. You probably would feel a measure of instant happiness if you ate a chocolate bar now given your earlier story.”

He didn’t even remember what chocolate tasted like, but he didn’t interrupt his handler to tell him that. Perhaps he’d ask for some later. 

“One more, солдат. What about Stockholm Syndrome?”

He wasn’t familiar with this one again, so he said, “No, sir.”

His handler gave him another kiss on the temple as he explained, “It’s where a captured person gains a bond with their captor in spite of the danger posed to them by their captor. There are those who believe it does not exist, but you are living proof that it does.”

He really didn’t like that one. It made him question his bond with his former handlers. Just the concept of that terrified him. So he asked, “Is that wrong, sir?”

“No, солдат,” his handler assured gently. “Nothing about you is wrong. You are proof of the human will to live. Everything you’ve done was in self-defense in one way or another. HYDRA did not deserve someone as precious as you.”

That felt better. His handler viewed him as an important treasure. This is why he loved him.

“ Ah, ” he gasped again as the pain flared in his head. 

His handler looked down at him with pity in his arms. “I’m flattered that you’re so fond of me, солдат, if that's what I thought it was. But you don’t deserve to feel such pain for it. I do not take it personally if you want to think of me differently so you avoid such feelings.”

“No, sir,” he declined with a swift shake of his head. “I like thinking of you.”

His handler gave a fond sigh and said, “Suit yourself, солдат. James will be very upset with me when he finds out. This bond you’re building is also growing very quickly. I recognize that I am perhaps the only kind handler you’ve ever had, but you should guard your heart, маленький.”

“I do not feel the need to guard myself from you, sir,” he confirmed while pressing closer. “You take care of me.”

“There are a great many people out there who would happily do the same, солдат. I am just the lucky one to be here now when you need me. The world is not as dark as you might imagine after living in HYDRA’s shadow for decades.”

He wasn’t sure he believed that, but it wasn’t good to argue so he stayed silent and enjoyed the petting his handler was giving him. His mind felt warm and disorganized from all the rewards he received today. His body was lax and he could easily fall asleep right there. In fact, he started to as the fingers in his hair continued to stroke him in a rhythmic fashion.

“Sleep, солдат. I will wake you before Sam does,” his handler murmured above him. 

He hummed in agreement and drifted off to sleep exactly where he belonged.

Chapter Text

Bucky knew he’d had another swap as soon as he woke up because he didn’t remember going to sleep and he certainly didn’t remember falling asleep in Zemo’s arms.

The other man was asleep beside him in a reclined airplane seat and Bucky just stared for a long time. He looked peaceful and that tugged at something in him that he figured belonged to the Winter Soldier. 

They were still wearing clothes and all hands were above the waist. In fact, Zemo’s hand was in his hair. So that explained why it had been so messy the morning at Sharon’s.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep but it felt like it hadn’t been long. He didn’t tend to sleep much and he’d gotten a full night just yesterday. Zemo looked exhausted though.

As much as Bucky wanted to sit up and deck the man for touching him, he forced himself to stay still. It didn’t feel like anything had happened and his mind was buzzing with what he figured was the remnants of a reward protocol. 

Why had Zemo ordered one? He wasn’t sure, but it was the first dose of honest to God happiness he’d felt since Pierce told him ‘Your work has been a gift to mankind’ years ago. 

No wonder the Soldier adored the man. Handlers didn’t use the reward protocol much from what he could remember and those that did generally used it to force him to orgasm when raped or to enjoy killing a target. They generally just rewarded with praise.

His time in control was dwindling, he realized. Every time he got back control, the Soldier took it back within the hour. He would probably be back to unconscious before Sam ever woke. Assuming Sam was off sleeping somewhere and not laying dead in the back of the plane.

Zemo was an enigma. Everything he said and did felt genuine, but how could Bucky trust there wasn’t another motive? If he had the Winter Soldier under his thumb, the man could do anything. Prison? He could just send his pet Soldier at anyone who tried to apprehend him.

But did Zemo even need him? The man had executed a flawless plan and damaged the Avengers to the core. They only found him when he wanted to be found. If he ran, and he could have run many times by now, would anyone even find him?

And if Zemo didn’t need him, then why was he going out of his way to soothe the Winter Soldier? Guilt?

The more Bucky turned it over in his mind the more questions he created and the fewer answers he came up with.

The man next to him stirred suddenly and Bucky kept staring up at him. As much as it disgusted him, if he wanted answers, this was his best shot.

Zemo cracked his eyes open slightly and looked down at him. 

“Mm, awake, маленький?”

Little one? Bucky’s stomach twisted in an odd way. He didn’t answer though. The Winter Soldier was silent. 

Zemo looked at him more closely and then smiled before dropping his head back against the seat.

“Ah, good morning, James,” Zemo said with a laugh.

Bucky was angry and he pulled away finally. He pulled himself to his feet and moved back to his own seat. “How did you know?”

“Your face stayed blank the whole time and you didn’t respond,” Zemo explained with a widening smile. “The Солдат would have definitely had a softer expression and said ‘Yes, sir’. It’s all in the eyes, James. His are vulnerable. Yours are guarded.”

“Маленький?” he asked with a frown. Pet names?

Zemo smirked as he waved his hand to dismiss his concern. “A term of fondness, James. Would you prefer ‘любимый’?”

Bucky sneered in response and didn’t dignify it with an answer. “I thought you didn’t know much Russian. Your pronunciation has always been weak.”

“I’m conversational,” Zemo said with a shrug.

After a while in silence, he asked the question burning in his mind, “How long do I have?”

Zemo had the decency to at least look uncomfortable. “I don’t know. Do you know when he’s taking control?”

“No,” he responded and rubbed his hand over his eyes. “One minute I’m here, the next I’m waking up hours later. I don’t think I’ve had more than 3 hours as myself today.”

The other man hummed in agreement, got up, and walked away to some other part of the plane. When he returned he had a plate of food for them both. 

“Let’s eat then while you’re yourself. Sam can eat when he wakes. This will be a long flight. We should try for more sleep at some point.”

Bucky’s lips twitched with the urge to frown. “You look exhausted.”

Zemo smirked again. “I slept on the floor last night. I had no intention to fall asleep now either but you were warm.”

That made his stomach twist again. 

“So you’re not up for molesting me,” Bucky said as he took a bite of food. “But you’ll get me to cuddle with you like a giant teddy bear. Pretty sure that’s creepy too.”

“The Soldier gets a lot of contentment out of touch,” Zemo said casually and began eating his own food. After a moment, he added, “I do as well.”

“I knew it couldn’t be totally selfless,” he snarked but there was a lack of his usual venom. He was too tired, too content, and too overwhelmed to fight back with teeth.

Zemo’s face became serious but oddly gentle. “I spent over six years in prison for my crimes, James. And before that, nearly two years mourning the death of my wife and child. I haven’t had closeness with another human being in eight years. I have no shame in admitting the Soldier’s willingness to throw himself into my arms is quite charming.”

Bucky could sympathize even if he didn’t want to. He hadn’t touched another person beyond the occasional hug since the mission before his last. And that had been to be used as a sex toy by HYDRA’s men. He hadn’t had consensual sex since the 40s. 

Not that he wanted to, he thought bitterly. He hadn’t had a single spark of desire since he felt off that train. Not for lack of trying since gaining his freedom. To be the Bucky he had been back in Brooklyn, he needed to be a ladies' man. But he couldn’t even remember what it was like to be with a woman. 

They refused to let him be used by women in HYDRA on the off chance he could still produce a child. Though they had collected DNA before injecting him with the serum just in case they wanted a line of Soldiers from him. He remembered that vividly. 

He must have looked miserable because Zemo snapped his fingers sharply and directed his attention back to him. “Don’t dwell on horrors, James. You still have time to build a better life. We will see you through this.”

Bucky laughed at that. It was a hollow sound. 

“I remember one of the first things you ever said to me. ‘You feel as if you open your mouth, the horrors might never stop’. You were right,” he said while eating more of his food. 

Zemo stared at him for a long time after that and Bucky tried to ignore him. After minutes ticking by, he had to eventually look up to see the intensity in the man’s eyes. 

Suddenly, Zemo said, “Солдат, run a reward protocol.”

Bucky didn’t feel anything and he just sneered back. “Wrong guy, asshole. Thought you could tell?”

The absolutely immense amount of pity reflected on Zemo’s face was too much for him to handle. He looked away before the man started to speak.

“It was worth a try, James. It works for him. But you don’t get the same results. James, do you feel anything besides anger?”

He didn’t like the question. He stood up but couldn’t bring himself to move. 

Zemo continued, much to Bucky’s dismay. “When did you last experience joy? Before you fell into the hands of HYDRA? What about love?”

The word love made him sick. His head throbbed with phantom pain. 

“I-I don’t…,” he tried to speak. “I don’t need those things.” 

It was true. He knew he was broken. He knew how fucked up he was. Shuri had told him so in Wakanda. In and out of their machines. Sensors strapped all over his head to read brainwaves. She told him with sad eyes that he didn’t make the same chemicals a healthy brain did anymore. 

Worse, he had an old traumatic brain injury from his fall from the train and the final doses of serum had been applied after his programming so they forced his brain to keep repairing things the way it was when he received the serum. Even if they fixed the problem, the serum in his veins would just undo the work. He was damaged for life.

It had been the perfect storm that HYDRA capitalized on to turn him into a living doll. A living weapon. 

Zemo appeared in front of him and cautiously reached to pull him into a hug. Bucky was spiraling too hard to resist. 

“James, you most certainly do need those things,” Zemo said softly. “This is why you keep reverting to your programming. Because you crave them. Furthermore, you deserve them. The things that have been done to you are incomparable. No one should suffer what HYDRA did to you.”

He dropped his head to Zemo’s shoulder as he started to feel tears flowing down his cheeks. Why did Zemo make him feel so weak? This didn’t happen with anyone else. With Sam he just got angry. With Ste-- With Steve, he just hid his turmoil. 

Steve tried. He really did. But Steve had paid his dues to the world. He got his happy ending. He got the girl. He left Bucky behind with all his other problems and walked off into the sunset. Steve deserved to have that chance. 

Now some other jackass was running around with Steve’s shield, wearing a uniform that looked like Steve’s, and calling himself by Steve’s title. And Sam let him do it. 

But Sam and Steve had never… Bucky had never told them a fraction of what he told Zemo. How could he explain that they used his body as much for pleasure as they did for inflicting pain on others? Did they really want to hear how he sucked HYDRA soldier’s dicks to hear a ‘good job’ from them? Would Steve have been able to look at him if he explained all the women and children they had him kill in various wars and conflicts? 

They didn’t ask either, he acknowledged. Zemo didn’t seem afraid to look deep into his past despite the terrible things he’d done. 

He realized Zemo had been talking to him for a while. He’d zoned out while being hugged; rocked back and forth like a child. It made him feel almost dizzy if dizziness could be called a pleasant sensation.

“I will take care of you, James,” Zemo murmured near his ear. “I will take care of you both.”

He should argue that point, but there was a fog over his thoughts making him feel sleepy. He felt so calm and safe. Some distant part of him wondered how he could feel so good being comforted by a murderer like Zemo but it felt very far away. 

He was confused. His handler was rocking him and they were standing. They had been resting before. Oh, the monster had gotten out again…

But his handler was holding him. 

He didn’t like that. He didn’t want his handler to hold James. His handler’s affection belonged to him. It was him who earned it.

He pulled back and blinked at his handler, waiting to be acknowledged as himself. His handler smiled immediately and said, “Hello, солдат. James and I were just talking.”

“Did he consent to your use of me, sir?” he asked too quickly.

His handler raised an eyebrow at him and he had his answer. Still, the man answered, “No, солдат. He’s too fragile. I believe he is in a more fragile state than you are. He simply hides it better while you feel safe telling me.”

“I don’t like him, sir” he announced. 

His handler laughed and it soothed some of the possessiveness that had taken over his mind. 

“Солдат, I’m beginning to think you’re jealous. He is you, маленький.”

“Why won’t he let us please you then, sir?” he said with a frown. “If we’re one and the same then he should also want to please you.”

“He trusts me much less than you do. But he also doesn’t feel the urge to please his handler like you do, маленький,” his handler explained. “A large part of your need to please me is your programming. That said, of course, I do not doubt the rest is your own desire.”

He allowed himself to get pulled along as his handler guided him back to laying down. Once they were back to the position they’d been in when he went to sleep, he said, “He feels angry all the time, sir. I know he’s coming when I feel him clawing his way out of my head.”

“He has every right to be angry,” his handler said with a sigh. “You’ve both been mistreated for the bulk of your lives. It will take years of care to get you both back to anything close to healthy and happy.”

“Forever, sir” he clarified for his handler quickly. “It will take forever. We will not be able to return to cryostasis if we want to have enough time.”

His handler saw right through him and shook with soft laughter. “Afraid to lose me, маленький?”

“Yes, sir,” he agreed readily. It was the truth.

“As long as I have a say, I won’t leave you while you need me,” his handler promised in a whisper. “If it takes forever, so be it.”

That answer felt perfect. He smiled up at his handler and pressed close. 

“Would you like me to sing to you, маленький?” his handler asked suddenly. “I used to sing to my son when he was little. I don’t have the best singing voice, but it may help you sleep.”

He almost answered that he didn’t need any more sleep. It would have been the truth, but then he wouldn’t get to hear his handler sing. 

“Yes, sir,” he said into the soft fur of his handler’s coat. 

His handler began to sing a soft lullaby in the same language he spoke earlier. His native tongue, he supposed. It was sweet and melodic and it made his eyelids feel heavy.

Sleep? Again? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten so much sleep. But his handler said that he was trying to help him sleep so maybe he should. His handler sounded drowsy as he continued to sing.

He let his eyes slide closed again and savored the way his handler’s scent surrounded him. He couldn’t wait to spend forever with him. He would make sure nothing came between them. 

He wasn’t quite fully asleep, just hanging between wakefulness and the darkness of sleep, when he heard his handler stop singing and mumble, “Goodnight, маленький.”

His handler’s breathing evened out and he let his own do the same.

Chapter Text

“Hey!”

Bucky’s eyes snapped open and he moved into defense mode instantaneously. He grabbed the person standing next to him threatening him and his handler and threw them on the ground. He applied pressure to their throat but didn’t move to kill yet. He would need to assess the threat first.

His handler sat up, groggy, and looked over the edge of the seat to where Bucky was on the ground pinning the attacker.

“Солдат?” his handler asked with a yawn. “Release Sam, please.”

Bucky realized several things at once. He was not ‘Солдат’, he was pinning Sam, and he’d just protected Zemo automatically. 

Fuck. 

He let go of Sam quickly and staggered back, cursing in Russian the whole way up. 

Zemo looked at him puzzled. “James? Apologies. I thought you were солдат. I appreciate your instinct to protect me is so strong.”

“I was half asleep, jackass,” he hissed. “Sam, what the fuck were you thinking? I could have killed you.”

Speaking of killing, Sam’s glare could have burned holes in walls as he stared down Zemo. “I was more concerned about why you and Baron Zemo were all curled up like a pair of dating teenagers. Are you okay, Buck? Last I checked, this guy could get you to do things with an order.”

Bucky was too old for this. He groaned and leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling.

“I’m fine, Sam. I snapped back into being the Winter Soldier at some point during the night. He can be... affectionate. I don’t know. It’s weird. But it’s not that weird if you catch my drift. Nothing happened,” he ground out as much as it pained him. 

“You were supposed to tell me if it was happening again!” Sam snapped.

“I don’t remember agreeing to that,” Bucky deadpanned. “I remember waking up and you were already asleep somewhere.”

Sam’s face went slack for a moment and when he found his voice, it was shaking a little. “Are you… Are you fucking telling me I was talking to him? Holy shit. Holy shit. How do I even know if you’re Bucky now ?”

He felt sick again. Zemo hadn’t mentioned this. So when Bucky pretended to be the Soldier, Zemo had already seen the trick. Sam sounded horrified. He’d been talking to Bucky’s ‘monster in the closet’. 

“I’m me,” he said weakly and glared at Zemo. “Next time you aren’t sure, just ask Zemo. He can always tell.”

Zemo smirked and shrugged. “I can. But perhaps I won’t tell.”

“Why do I always get a different person when Sam is around?” he growled at the other man and stalked away to go splash water on his face. 

He could hear them start yelling at each other as he walked out of the room. Well, he could hear Sam yelling. 

The cool water on his face felt good. He felt like the whole plane was a million degrees. Knowing that the Soldier was impersonating him was some of the worst news yet. Bucky didn’t hold any illusions about himself. He knew he’d be easy to copy for the Soldier. They were both quiet, mean, and empty with a staring problem. Sam probably couldn’t even tell the difference.

That meant that Sam was constantly in danger. If he attacked Zemo while he was the Soldier, his prime directive would cause him to lash out with no orders needed. Even if Zemo ordered him to ignore it, he could still potentially react out of instinct. It was driven so deep that Bucky had reacted when waking without even needing to be activated. 

There was a knock on the door behind him and he heard his name called, “James?”

Somewhere further away, Sam yelled, “Stay the hell away from him!”

For all Sam’s betrayals with the shield, Bucky appreciated how protective the man could be. 

“I am invested in his well-being, Sam. You may have noticed that he was asleep when you woke us. I don’t suppose you’ve ever noticed the dark circles under his eyes?”

“Bucky doesn’t need you so you can get whatever twisted shit is going on in your head out of it.”

“Perhaps so, Sam, but he’s benefiting from my help all the same. It simply kills you that I truly have no ulterior motive that you can place.”

“Wrong. You’re trying to wiggle out of your prison sentence. Figure if you suck up to Bucky you’ll get a pardon.”

He hated to admit it, but Sam was wrong. He remembered how nonchalant Zemo had been when he visited in prison. The man didn’t fear going back. He was here to complete his mission.. and maybe to put Bucky back together like a smashed vase... But he wasn’t here to escape justice. 

“I have no need for a pardon, Sam. I had fully intended to kill myself in Siberia before King T’challa stopped me. A life sentence is of no consequence to me. My life was over. This mission, however, is beyond me. The serum cannot be allowed to exist in the wild. HYDRA will get a hold of it and make more people like James.”

Zemo was right. They needed to stop Karli before she lost the serum or, worse, found a way to make more. 

He opened the door to the bathroom and yanked Zemo inside. He leaned out and yelled to Sam, “I’m fine, Sam. Just drop it. We need him and if he can keep me from hurting anyone else, then it’s better if he fucks with my head a little to make me docile.”

Sam yelled back, “You’ve got too much faith in this psychopath!”

Bucky ignored him and closed the door. Zemo didn’t even wait before grabbing Bucky’s collar and dragging him close and into a hug. Why did Bucky let him?

“I’m sorry, James,” Zemo said with a sincerity that filled every word. “I did not intend to hurt you. I should have told you immediately about the fact that the Солдат impersonated you briefly. Furthermore, I will try to stop putting on a front with Sam. You’ll have to forgive me. It’s a defense mechanism of my own. I do not have any reason to trust Sam. But for you, I will try.”

Bucky blinked. Once. Twice. Yeah, he was still awake. This was really Zemo apologizing. 

This was his chance to throw some of the smug bastard’s own behavior in his face… but Bucky was run down. He was tired of arguing. He had way too much to worry about to be trying to one-up the only person who seemed to have an idea of how to help. 

So he took a deep breath and released it. “Fine. I forgive you. Cat’s out of the bag now on just how fucked up I am. Seems like I get a while when I first wake up and some time throughout the day, but I’ll probably be the Soldier most of the time. You’re the only one who can keep Sam safe from me.”

“He’s already under orders not to harm Sam. He doesn’t like them, but he’ll obey,” Zemo explained with a nod.

“Yeah,” Bucky said with a bitter laugh. “Until Sam actually draws blood on you and then all hell breaks loose. He’s a dead man if he hurts you and you don’t grab the reins quickly. We may be better off finding a way to ditch him.”

It was Zemo’s turn to blink rapidly in confusion. “Солдат? I honestly cannot believe it was James who suggested such a thing.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t even know how we’d manage.”

Zemo looked contemplative. “Let’s keep Sam for now. If we run into problems, we’ll separate. But he means well and it’s good to have someone else along to ground you.”

Bucky didn’t say it out loud but he thought, ‘You’re the only one who grounds me.’ 

God, he was turning into a sap. Worse, he thinks he might be starting to like having Zemo around. He hoped that was the Winter Soldier feeling that way.

Without warning, Zemo reached up and started stroking his hair. Bucky leaned down to let him.

What the fuck.

“I messed it up with my petting,” Zemo explained quietly. 

Bucky felt a jolt in his stomach. He liked this. He frowned with his face pointed down and away so Zemo couldn’t see him. 

Zemo was done quickly and Bucky pulled away. He was wildly uncomfortable now and his mind felt fuzzy. 

“We’ll be going to an apartment I own on the outskirts of the city. It was a vacation home I bought for my wife. I haven’t been there in many years, but it should serve as a solid base of operations while we’re here.”

Bucky nodded absently. His thoughts were scattered and he felt like his movements were sluggish. It was like a fog was settling into his brain.

Zemo looked at him sharply and asked, “Солдат?”

Bucky was just conscious enough to start to shake his head, but instead, the movement was all wrong. He nodded at the same time and his head moved around with no rhyme or reason.

“What do you feel right now?” Zemo implored.

He opened his mouth and managed, “Непонятно.”

Had he become conscious while James was talking? He didn’t understand why he said ‘непонятно’.

“Солдат?” His handler asked. 

“Я готов отвечать,” he said with slight confusion in his voice.

His handler smiled at him and his confusion felt less important. 

“Very good, солдат. You picked a very good time to take control. James was able to stay conscious long enough to tell me how it felt,” his handler explained as he reached out to pet his cheek.

So his handler and James were in this bathroom together again. Very close together.

He frowned and his brow furrowed. 

His handler grabbed his chin and pulled his face down to press a kiss to his forehead. The lines there smoothed under his lips. “You’re jealous again, солдат. Nothing happened. Well, nothing between the two of us. Sam now knows you were impersonating James, however.”

He wasn’t listening. He was instead focusing on the flash of pain in his head as he realized he wanted a better kiss.

“I have a want, sir,” he said immediately. His handler smirked at first and sighed after.

“And what is it, солдат?”

“I want a better kiss,” he explained simply. He tilted his face down to look directly into his handler’s eyes and give a better angle.

All he got was a fond smile. “How demanding, солдат. And expectant too.”

He flinched and opened his mouth to apologize profusely. He was taking far too many liberties with his handler. It didn’t matter how kind he was; there were rules.

But before he could speak, his handler continued, “That would go against the spirit of my promise to James as well. However, I will communicate that you are having these desires to him when he’s next in control. If he gives permission, I will grant it. Though I wouldn’t get your hopes up if I were you.”

Indeed, his hopes were not elevated. The monster would never agree. Not without some pushing. But he wasn’t sure even how to push yet. And even if he did agree, he didn’t want ‘James’ to steal his affection.  

There was nothing more to do at that moment than frown again and chance another sweetness from his handler.

He got it too as his forehead received another kiss. 

“Run a reward protocol, солдат,” his handler murmured in a sly voice against his skin and his mind lit up. It was exactly how he expected a real kiss to feel. 

His handler pulled away then and straightened his coat. “It’s time for us to depart, маленький.”

He nodded and exited the bathroom. Sam was sitting in one of the seats of the plane and was staring harshly at the both of them.

If Sam knew of his impersonation, was there any point now?

His handler answered that for him as he put his hands up in mock surrender and approached Sam while saying, “Sam this is the Зимний солдат. He activated only a few moments ago with no intervention from me. He is under orders to protect you and I both.”

His handler turned to him and added, “Without using lethal force unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

He stood up straight and made his face blank as he responded with a clipped, “Yes, sir.”

“ Yeah, ” Sam whispered before raising his voice a little higher. His tone was like ice. “That’s him. I remember from Berlin. Convenient that I’m never around when he switches anymore.”

“He switches when he has extended interactions with me or is forced to protect me from danger. I am the catalyst but not the ignition, Sam.”

“I don’t believe you,” Sam spat. “I don’t care what Bucky says. I’m going to find out what you’re doing and send you back to prison where you belong.”

He didn’t fully resist the urge to jerk forward to defend his handler. So it must have looked strange as he half swung an arm forward before swinging it back behind him. 

Prison? No, he wouldn’t allow that. His handler belonged with him. 

Sam shot him a look and deepened his frown. “Stay in line, Buck. I hope you can hear me in there. I’ll fix this.”

“He cannot hear you,” he answered in a cold, empty voice of his own. “James is not in control.”

Sam let out a bitter laugh. “James, huh? You even talk like him.” He gestured to his handler rudely. 

“I like the way he talks,” he hissed back. 

His handler reached out to put a hand on his cheek but instead, he froze for a millisecond and redirected it to land on his shoulder.

“Calm, солдат,” his handler urged. “Sam is an ally. He is only concerned for James’s safety.”

“That is Bucky!” Sam barked. 

“I’m aware,” his handler finally snapped. “He’s two minds in a single body, Sam. It distressed him to be referred to by the wrong name.”

He nodded quickly to confirm what his handler said. “Thank you, sir.” 

“I’ll call him by his name and that’s it,” Sam said with a sneer while standing up. “Now I suggest we get off this plane before I start smashing your stuff, Zemo.”

It registered now, belatedly, that they had landed. He didn’t recall feeling it happen while he was awake, so it perhaps happened when James was in control or while they slept. 

His handler stepped to the side to make way in the aisle and said, “After you.”

Sam marched down it and off the plane. He and his handler followed close behind. He put himself between Sam and his handler for an added layer of safety. He would comply with the orders as far as it didn’t put his handler in danger. The pain of disobedience was steep, but losing his handler would be far worse.

They were greeted by the old man who he assumed flew the plane. His handler’s other servant. 

“I procured you a ride to your home, sir,” the man said to his handler kindly. 

“Thank you, Oeznik,” his handler said with a slight smile. “We’ll be seeing you.”

The old man smiled back and gestured to the waiting car. “Enjoy your stay, sir.”

The ride to wherever they were going was tense and quiet. The driver seemed to pick up on the atmosphere quickly and stopped trying to start a conversation almost immediately.

They were dropped off on a cobblestone street on the edge of Riga. His handler got out of the car, paid the driver, and started leading them down the road on foot. 

As he walked along he could feel eyes on him. He kept his stance neutral as he walked but he started to assess. There was no one in sight as he feigned looking around at the beautiful architecture. 

His handler stopped and gestured to an iron gate leading to an apartment building. 

“We’re here,” his handler clarified as he moved to go inside.

He wasn’t ready. He still hadn’t found the source of who was watching them. Then, his eyes caught sight of a small silver orb on the ground. It was chirping in a high-pitched noise that he could barely hear.

Bucky snapped awake instantly and nearly tripped as he was midstep. Zemo and Sam turned around to look at him. His eyes left the small ball on the ground to look up at them. They weren’t on the plane anymore. Riga, he guessed. Okay, he was oriented again.

He raised his hand and waved the two in front of him off. “I’m fine. I’m gonna go on a walk.”

Sam specifically looked shocked and Zemo just narrowed his eyes and nodded. 

Sam cautiously asked, “You good?”

He waved again to shoo them off and implored Sam, “Yeah, see you guys in a bit.”

The other two went inside and he turned to walk away. When they were inside, he swung back around and picked up the chirping orb. Walking briskly, he headed back to an alley they’d passed. She would be there. Ayo wasn’t hiding.

Approaching the alley, he found another chirping orb on a wall. He grabbed it too. 

Once he made his way far enough down the alley, he raised both up and called, “You dropped something.”

He could feel her behind him now so he turned to greet her. “I was wondering when you were going to show up.”

The proud, powerful woman just gave him a shadow of a smirk and said in Xhosa, “I’m here for Zemo.”

He felt conflicted just seeing her. Ayo was the woman who pronounced him ‘free’ after they were sure his programming had been broken. At a minimum, she was the one to test his activation words. He owed her much.

But she was angry now as she approached and sneered as she asked, “How could you free him?”

He was at a loss for how to respond so he just looked down and admitted, “We need his help.”

Ayo didn’t look impressed. She began to circle him as she spoke, “With time, will, and the resources, the Winter Soldier programming was removed from like a rotten fur.”

Bucky wanted to correct her: they thought it was removed. Instead, he said, “And I’m grateful for that.” He wasn’t ready to give up on the mission to stop Karli. If Ayo knew about what was happening, she’d take both him and Zemo back to Wakanda. So he continued, “I’m grateful for everything you and Shuri have done--”

Ayo didn’t let him finish. “Zemo murdered our King T’Chaka at the U.N. The man who chose us. Who chose me to protect him.”

“I understand--,” he started again.

“Very little, if anything, of our loss and our shame,” she said coldly. 

He needed a new tactic. This wasn’t getting anywhere.

He tried speaking in Xhosa as a sign of respect this time and said, “He’s a means to an end.”

Finally, Ayo’s face softened slightly and she gave the tiniest of nods. “Eight hours, White Wolf,” she warned. 

She fixed her eyes on his and drove the next point home, “Then we come for him.”

Fear bubbled up inside him and he could feel his thoughts growing clouded. He remembered vaguely his last thoughts on the plane. He said to Zemo he felt, ‘непонятно’ and that’s how he felt now. The Soldier was taking over out of fear for Zemo.

No, he thought mutinously. You’ll ruin everything.

Inside him, the blizzard raged. He fought to keep his face neutral.

Ayo extended her hand and made a gesture for him to return the orbs. He did and she walked away down the alley.

He let out the breath he was holding and forced the blizzard in his head back. He needed to get to the apartment and communicate this. The Soldier could save his panic attack for after.

Bucky jogged back to the apartment. Once he reached the iron gate, he went up the stairs and headed inside. It was beautiful with stained glass windows, stained wood doors, and ornate tiled columns. No one could say that Zemo didn’t spend his wealth well.

Sam was sitting at a kitchen island in the open living room and he looked up at him as he entered. Zemo was walking out of the bedroom in nothing but a bathrobe. 

Bucky’s step faltered as the blizzard raged harder in his head. Great. 

Angry at his own demons, he gathered himself and walked forward while saying, “Well, the Wakandans are here. They want Zemo. Bought us some more time.”

Zemo glanced at him with a small frown but didn’t seem shocked. 

Sam spoke first to ask, “Were you followed?”

“No,” he said simply as he made his way to the kitchen to fix himself a long overdue drink. He couldn’t get drunk, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t about to try.

Zemo asked, “How can you be so sure?”

Bucky took offense and snapped, “Because I know when I’m being followed.”

The other man turned to face him, perhaps sensing his mistake, and said, “It was sweet of you to defend me at least.”

“Hey, you shut it. No one’s defending you, “ Sam said with distaste as he half turned to look at Zemo.  

Bucky ignored the two as they continued to squabble and he checked his phone for news. What he saw was concerning. Karli had made another move.

“Sam,” he said sternly, cutting into the conversation. “Karli bombed a GRC supply depot.”

“What?” Sam asked as his face morphed to shock. “What’s the damage?”

He read off the news from his phone and frowned, “Eleven injured, three dead. They have a list of demands and are promising more attacks if those demands aren’t met in full.”

Sam sighed in exasperation and put his head in his hands.

“She’s getting worse,” Zemo mused as he approached again after pacing the room. “I have the will to complete this mission. Do the two of you?”

Sam muttered, “She’s just a kid.”

“You’re seeing something in here that isn’t there,” Zemo corrected. “You’re clouded by it. She’s a supremacist. The very concept of a super-soldier will always trouble people. It’s that warped aspiration that led to Nazis... to Ultron... to the Avengers.” 

“Hey,” Sam snapped looking up. “Those are our friends you’re talking about.”

“The Avengers,” Bucky clarified under his breath. “Not the Nazis.”

Sam didn’t wait to hear what he said and continued, “So Karli is radicalized. But there has to be a peaceful way to stop her.”

Zemo shook his head. “The desire to become superhuman cannot be separated from supremacist ideals. Anyone with that serum is inherently on that path. She will not stop. She will escalate… until you kill her. Or she kills you.”

Bucky looked down and didn’t want to listen anymore. 

He could feel when Zemo looked at him and heard the man clarify, “Barring James, of course, who did not opt to take the serum of his own free will. He is a victim of it, not a participant.”

It didn’t make him feel better. There was someone else Zemo wasn’t considering.

He raised his head and said, “Maybe you’re wrong, Zemo. The serum never corrupted Steve.”

Zemo nodded at him and pointed a finger to acknowledge his point. “Touché. But there has never been another Steve Rogers, has there?” 

No, there really hadn’t. 

The blizzard in his head was raging still and fighting it was getting tiring. This was the first time he’d ever held out against the Soldier. 

He looked up at Sam and said, “I’m about to switch again. So try not to freak out.” Zemo looked at him interested and he nodded at the unasked question. “Yeah, I figured out what it feels like. Непонятно.”

“Wait,” Zemo called before he could give in to the urging. “I’d like to speak with you privately, James. While I have the chance.” 

The man glanced at Sam who immediately started to stand and said, “You can see this is James and that he is in the process of switching without my help. He’s got nothing to fear from five minutes alone with me.”

Bucky nodded and marched into the open bedroom. Zemo spared no time in following close behind.

The door closed behind them and Bucky turned to look at the man. One look and his gut was twisting again. A bathrobe, really? Also, fantastic, the Soldier clearly wanted to get physical with Zemo. This was the closest he’d come to giving consent bodily in 70 years and it was spent on Baron Zemo.

“James,” Zemo started carefully. “I wanted to communicate something the Soldier has been asking me about.”

“Is it if you’ll fuck him?” Bucky asked bluntly. 

Zemo has the grace to look surprised but nodded as he said, “Yes.”

Bucky ran a hand over his eyes and laughed darkly. Yeah, he wasn’t shocked.

“Go for it,” he said half-sarcastically. “I mean, I’m not even conscious. What do I care? It’s his body too I guess.”

“That’s not--,” Zemo started quickly and then paused. He watched as the man collected himself and started again, “I will not participate in relations with either of you without clear consent from both of you.”

“Hoping to get one round of action before heading back to prison?” he asked venomously. Zemo looked so aggrieved that Bucky felt bad almost immediately. Fuck. 

“I was only informing, James. Not asking. Do not worry,” Zemo consoled as he stepped closer. Bucky didn’t back away as Zemo closed in and raised a hand to touch his cheek. The man said softly, “This is enough.”

He sighed, heavy, and let the anger drain out of him. “I’m not angry. Not anymore at least. I’m also not up for that. Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Zemo said as he continued to pet him. “Your autonomy matters greatly to me.”

Bucky felt so tired again. He let his head rest in Zemo’s palm. It did feel nice. It’d probably feel fantastic to agree. Zemo was probably great in bed as much as the thought killed him to admit. But he wasn’t ready. And he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready with someone like Zemo. That would require trust he wasn’t sure he could give to the man. 

“Can you just…,” he wondered slowly, thinking things through. “Do, like... everything else, but that? I don’t mind sleeping next to you. I don’t mind the petting. Anymore. You’ve already seen me naked. It’d probably kill Sam to accidentally see, but maybe more skin-to-skin would help? Without the sex?”

“I can do that,” Zemo agreed carefully. “I cannot assure you that the Soldier will not pout. He’s become quite bold in asking. He wanted a kiss earlier.”

A kiss? He didn’t think any handler in his entire Winter Soldier career had ever kissed him. It made his stomach feel like snakes were slithering around inside him and the blizzard of the Soldier pressing on the edges of his consciousness closed in a little more. 

“Okay,” he said breathless all of a sudden. “A kiss is fine. Or kissing, I guess. I don’t think I’ve… I don’t think I’ve been kissed since before I went to war in the 40s.”

Zemo looked at him critically and asked, “Do you want me to kiss you now, James?”

The want that punched through him was intense and his head buzzed with pain as the blizzard took hold.

He blinked at his handler as he oriented himself in his new surroundings. He felt a great many things at once. Fear, want, the pain from wanting something, anxiety, and the general confusion of changing over. His face was pressed into his handler’s hand. 

James, he thought mutinously.

His handler let out a strangely shaky breath and asked, “This is you, солдат?”

“Yes, sir,” he answered as he looked around the room. It was beautiful. The windows sparkled with stained glass patterned with stars. There was a large bed in the center of the room covered in royal blue sheets. He liked this place.

He looked back to his handler and asked, “What happened, sir? I feel… strange. I am fearful but I don’t know why.”

His handler pulled back his hand and sighed, “Ah, that’s probably the news about the Wakandans that James just learned. Don’t let it worry you. We’ve got it under control for now.”

He nodded and continued, “I also have a want, but I can’t place what it is, sir.”

His handler smiled mysteriously and said simply, “No, солдат, that’s desire.”

Chapter Text

He pondered what his handler meant as he watched the man walk into a nearby closet and begin removing clothes.

Did he mean that James desired him? He definitely didn’t want that to be the case, but perhaps it worked in his favor.

“Did he consent to the use of us, sir?” he asked again. Maybe if he kept checking, James will have done him a favor and agreed. 

His handler paused in his motions for a brief moment before he grabbed a last article of clothing and walked back out. His eyes were oddly bright and he was smiling a little. 

There was a strange feeling in his stomach at the sight. Then his head was hit with a flash of pain. He had not actively identified a want again, so he figured this was also desire. Despite the automatic correction it caused, he enjoyed the feeling. He liked desire.

“No, солдат,” his handler answered finally. “But he did give me some expanded permissions.”

That excited him and caused another rush of feeling in him. He ignored the following correction. It was well worth the feeling that was swimming through his veins. This was highly pleasant. 

“Should I announce desire as well, sir?” 

His handler paused again as he moved across the room. It was only a slight halt to his usual movement, but it was noticeable. His handler moved to the bed and turned to face him while leaning against it. His handler’s face had a strange expression.

“Come here, солдат,” his handler called softly. He approached immediately. 

His handler smiled at him and reached up to touch his face. He made a noise of contentment and pressed closer. His face was pulled close enough to feel his handler’s breath on his skin. He could look at his handler up close now. His eyes were still shining slightly and dark. His pupils were blown wide.

“You may announce desire if we’re in private, солдат,” his handler whispered. His voice was rougher than usual. 

He recognized these signs. His handler wanted to make use of him. Other handlers had shown such signs before, but never so sweetly. 

The rushing in his stomach turned to small explosions as he felt his blood run hot. His head had explosions happening too, but he forced himself to disassociate the pain. He wasn’t supposed to do that with corrections or punishments, but… he felt bold. 

“Please,” he begged suddenly. He wasn’t even sure what he was asking for but the urge to ask for it was impossible to ignore. He pressed even closer and their bodies were aligned. He could feel his handler’s arousal. 

The moment was perfect. James be damned.

His handler let out another shaky breath and pressed his forehead to his. “Солдат, please indeed. I will not take what I do not have permission to have. I will make myself clear: I want you, солдат. But I want you and James as a single creature. Until both halves of you are in tune with the same needs, I will not betray one for the other.”

That dampened the fire that had taken hold of him. He felt cold again seeping into his body.

“We’re not the same, sir,” he complained as he pushed his forehead against his handler’s. “What if he never agrees?”

His handler smiled again. “Trust me, солдат. He will agree. You may feel you’re two minds, but you are one that has split. There is nothing wrong with you both being distinct, but your desire needs to be his too. My desire for you is a desire for him. You must work in tandem with yourself. Once you align, you will be one step closer to being whole.”

Being whole didn’t sound like his handler meant for him to disappear. That was good. But being ‘whole’ with James was something he didn’t relish. 

“You are growing so strong, солдат,” his handler continued, his voice dropping back down in pitch. “You are so very beautiful. Please run a reward protocol. You’re so good.”

He let out a small cry of pleasure as his mind was bombarded by the sweetness of the reward protocol. It drowned out the constant loop of his automatic corrections. 

His lips were covered in his handlers and he whimpered as desire bloomed violently. The pleasure in his head swirled as his handler kissed him. Finally, yes, this is what he wanted. His handler kissed him deeply, intensely. 

He’d never been kissed, he realized. This was the first.

He didn't know what to do, but that was fine. His handler was taking care of him. He put his body as close to his handler as it physically could get. His body had become aroused at some point as well.

His consciousness felt like it was fading in and out. His vision was clear, but every other second his thoughts went blank. 

Zemo was kissing him, he realized. Holy fuck.

His handler’s mouth tasted vividly of mint. His handler was also conquering the kiss and he was happily getting pulled along with the rush. 

What the hell should he do? Kiss back? He was just being kissed at this point, but he wasn’t exactly showing any skills of his own. Did Bucky even have any anymore? It had been decades, but he could still remember putting in more effort than this.

He made a strange sound. A moan he figured as he started to press his mouth more intently against his handler’s. 

Zemo tasted great, he thought distantly. And, God, he was so turned on. This happened so rarely for him and never with anyone to actually point it at. He groaned and pulled Zemo even closer. Mindlessly, he wanted the friction and he liked the sound Zemo made when he did it.

He’d just moved without intent. How? It didn’t feel like instinct… But the result was pleasurable so he didn’t panic. Instead, he leaned into the motion and shifted his legs to allow his handler closer.

Bucky’s awareness was just strong enough to realize that his stance changed without trying. Everything felt непонятно. He was snapping between being the Soldier and himself so fast that he couldn’t even tell who was actually in charge. But he’d have to break this kiss to say so. 

Not yet. He’d waited seventy fucking years for this and he could handle being only half here for it.

His handler pulled back minutely to gasp when their bodies moved against one another. He could feel his hips give a slight jerk that stimulated them both. The noise of pleasure he made was swallowed as his handler re-devoted himself to the kiss. 

Zemo started turning the kiss from a single, slow, intense one into several rapid, fevered ones. 

“Fuck,” he murmured between kisses and met Zemo halfway into one. The other man made a noise of surprise but didn’t stop. He was glad he didn’t stop. He tried to put in all that he remembered of kissing from his youth. He’d been good at this once.

He was participating in the kiss now but he had no idea how he knew what to do. 

Oh, he thought. James. 

He had a jolt of jealousy but it was soothed away instantly by his hander’s attention which was growing more desperate. Perhaps James had his uses. At least he hadn’t fully stolen this from him.

Maybe he was ready. His hands wanted to touch all over Zemo. He wanted so much. He let them start to wander across the man’s sides. His stomach clenched as he had an idea. Zemo was still wearing just a bathrobe. He navigated his normal hand between them slid it right into the robe to start touching skin.

Zemo broke his mouth away and threw his head back to take a deep, wavering breath before saying, “I don’t even know what name to call you.”

He wasn’t sure either. He felt in control, but then James would move them.

Bucky’s thoughts felt like they were stop motion, but he managed to say, “Pet name.”

His handler laughed breathily. “‘Маленький’ feels odd to use now. Perhaps it’s time for ‘любимый’.”

He felt love again and his mind gave a violent surge of pain that had him stagger back.

“That wasn’t good,” Bucky muttered as Zemo looked back to him alarmed. “I’m fine. I just… I don’t know. Pick something else. That one fucks with me.” 

His body nodded in phantom motion as the Soldier agreed and his mouth added, “I liked that word, sir.” 

He called him ‘sir’. Of course he did. Bucky felt a twitch of annoyance that didn’t last long. Zemo probably basked in the adoration.

He wasn’t ready to be done. He wanted more of his handler so he stepped back close and pressed them against one another again. James helpfully put his hands back where they were. Okay, they were a team for the moment. No different than working with assistance on a mission. Their goals were aligned.

“This is so weird,” he felt James say quietly but wasted no more time in getting his mouth back on his handler’s. 

He had to concur. Losing control of random body parts was abnormal. Thankfully they could seemingly both feel. 

Zemo put his hands in Bucky’s hair and weaved them through the strands over and over. It felt fantastic and he didn’t bother holding back the small noise of pleasure it caused.

They broke apart after a few more minutes of kissing and his handler said, “If we don’t stop soon we’ll be breaking the spirit of our conversation prior. As much as I’m enjoying myself, I think we best let this end.”

Bucky wanted to throw the last conversation out of the window. But… That was probably because half of his blood flow was below the waist currently. His emotions afterward would probably be a wreck if he kept going. For once, he honestly appreciated Zemo’s strict code.

The Soldier, who immediately shook his head, did not. 

“No, sir,” he whined. 

Bucky clenched his jaw and forced out, “Yes, you’re right. Thank you, Zemo.” He let out a noise of pure frustration against his will.

“Shut up,” Bucky hissed out loud, talking to himself like an idiot. 

“Consent,” his traitorous mouth hissed back.

Zemo laughing caught his attention again. “Oh дорогой, you’re a mess. We will stop for the time being. Sorry, маленький. Perhaps next time.”

‘Next time’ made Bucky’s stomach give a flip and his head got a zap of pain. It registered that his head was screaming with pain now that he stopped disassociating it. 

Was this what the Soldier felt all the time while trying to get something going with Zemo? The programming to punish wants didn’t run while he was in control. If it did still run for the Soldier then the whole affair was an exercise in self-torture for the sake of fulfilling lust. 

His handler took his face in his hands again and he leaned in for a final, sweet kiss. When they had just barely parted, his handler whispered against his lips, “Солдат, run a reward protocol.”

Holy hell.

The way his brain lit up like a light show, the way his body tensed and relaxed over and over, the way his dick throbbed in his pants. Everything. He’d forgotten what a carrot a full reward protocol was like vs the sticks they preferred to use with punishment protocols. 

No wonder the Soldier was throwing himself at Zemo. He got touch, kindness, and real happiness. Not just the vague sensation of ‘good’ vs ‘bad’.

He slumped against Zemo and pressed his face into the man’s neck. This was heaven. Okay, so he was a drug addict. 

“Was that the first happiness you’ve felt since leaving HYDRA’s employ, James?” Zemo whispered in his ear. He nodded and bit his lip. Zemo kept talking right against his ear, “I told you I’d take care of both of you.”

He was going to orgasm. There was no way he wasn’t. He pressed his hips against Zemo’s urgently. He’d just have to sort it later in his head. The Soldier had already dissolved into a jumbled mess of instinct and pleasure in his head and didn’t even try to grab control.

Zemo’s breath hitched for the barest moment, fluttering over the shell of his ear, and he whispered once more, “Cолдат, run another reward protocol.”

His vision whited out instantly. 

He was pretty sure both of his halves lost control at the same time because he lost the ability to stand. Zemo twisted them around and let him fall onto the bed on his back. The other man went down with him, half on top of him, and kindly pressed his thigh between his own legs to put pressure on his cock.

“You’re so beautiful, дорогой,” Zemo panted above him. “I love making you feel this way. I’ve never seen something as glorious as the pleasure on your face right now. Thank you for allowing me this. I want to memorize every expression.”

Fuck it.

He used every ounce of his remaining control to grab Zemo’s hips and pull him directly over top of his own. He thrust his own upwards and against the other man’s. They groaned intandem and Zemo thrust downward.

Zemo fell the rest of the way forward, caged his head with his forearms, and pressed their lips back together. The kiss was falling apart at the seams; deep and messy. 

“Please finish, sir,” he murmured when they broke for air. “We want you to finish.”

And, blessedly, Zemo did. He shuddered above him and he could feel the tiny thrusts forward in his hips. 

Zemo collapsed on him fully and they tried to catch their breath. He could feel their hearts racing. 

But the feeling in his body was indescribable. ‘Perhaps, next time’? Yeah, there would be a next time. After seventy years of misery, there was no way he wasn’t going for another bite of this forbidden fruit. 

He wasn’t sure who he was at the moment. He didn’t feel exactly like the Солдат and he wasn't totally Bucky either. It kind of felt like both of his minds had been smashed together and they were some weird amalgamation. But at least it felt like the automatic corrections had stopped running. Which was good because he had a lot of wants right now. 

“Okay, дорогой?” Zemo asked softly as he panted against the skin of his neck. 

“We’re fine,” he said between breaths. “We’re a little… shaken up, but not panicking. We’ll be fine.”

He could tell that Zemo had questions. It was his duty as his handler to make sure that his солдат was okay and he was probably concerned about what Bucky was feeling. But for the moment, they were both happy to stop fighting and just enjoy the moment. 

There was no way in hell Sam hadn’t heard all that. He glanced at the door. Bucky finally started to twitch back into control as he grew nervous. 

“Sam is going to kill you,” Bucky said as he stared at the door. “I have no idea how to convince him I was on board with this.”

Zemo wasn’t looking at the door; he was staring at Bucky’s eyes. “Back in control, James?”

He realized that he was and nodded. He could still feel the Soldier there, but the fog that normally heralded his presence was muted. He was probably blissed out and Bucky couldn’t blame him. This was the best day of the Soldier’s very long life.

Zemo smiled and pressed a final kiss to the crook of his neck as he stood up and stretched. He offered Bucky a hand and helped pull him to his feet. He felt shaky on his legs.

“The room is soundproof, James. When staying here, my son slept in the bedroom that shares a wall with this one. I’ve never been a quiet lover and we didn’t feel the need to scar him. Still, he will probably suspect something. I asked for five minutes of your time and got nearly an hour.”

He felt the damp spot in his jeans and realized he was due for a shower and a change of clothes. He chuckled and said, “You’re getting the full hour. Let’s take a shower.”

Zemo looked at him quickly and there was surprise on his face. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow, “What? We nearly fucked. A shower isn’t much.”

“You--,” Zemo swallowed mid-sentence and his lips were twitching as though he was about to break out into a full smile. “James I have never heard you genuinely laugh.”

Oh, he was right. Bucky smiled, an honest to God smile, and said, “Well, it’s been a while.”

Euphoric and lax, he grabbed Zemo by the front of his robe and dragged him along while walking backward to the bathroom. The man’s face was jumping between pure pleasure and sparks of renewed lust.

So he wasn’t ready yet, but he amended his earlier thinking. He could trust Zemo. The man could have taken whatever he wanted with that reward protocol as leverage, but he didn’t. 

A pulse of lust had him pulling Zemo close for another kiss. He got it easily. 

He reached down and untied the other man’s robe, it fell open and Bucky pushed it off his shoulders. He stepped back and looked at Zemo’s positively mouthwatering body. He could see scars. A lithe, muscled build softened slightly by prison time but still disciplined. Zemo still thought like a soldier. He kept himself in fighting form. 

Speaking of Soldiers, his was waking back up and Bucky wasn’t going to deny him this. He tried to focus on getting back to the same state they were in earlier. 

The feeling of stop motion thinking came back and he knew they were back in sync.

His handler was so beautiful. And he’d been wrong about James. He wasn’t a monster. He was his partner. His teammate. His handler was right of course. They could work in tandem.

He didn’t fight when James moved their hands to start taking off their clothes. He pulled them flush to his handler when they were bare.

His handler shivered and pulled him in for another kiss. They dissolved into a series of slow kisses as he backed them into the shower. He was careful as he stepped in as it was already wet from his handler’s last shower he assumed.

When they broke apart, Bucky let himself smile again and say, “If we’re not careful this becomes round two. Not that I’m complaining but Sam is waiting out there.”

Zemo looked at him fondly through heavy-lidded eyes and purred, “Perhaps we make him wait.”

That sounded great to both halves of him, but Bucky was willing to be the responsible one. He grinned and pressed another kiss to Zemo’s lips before breaking away from the embrace to grab the soap and start cleaning them. The other man pressed himself against him and massaged his hands into his back.

“Do you want more rewards, дорогой?” 

He groaned and leaned back into him. Yes. Yes, he did. He nodded.

“Cолдат, run a reward protocol,” Zemo whispered heatedly. 

His brain was buzzing again with the rush of every good feeling he could dream up. Zemo was spoiling him. The man was a more than generous lover. Such a kind handler.

“Thank you, sir,” he moaned, delirious with pleasure. “That feels so fucking good.”

Zemo seemingly really got off on his pleasure and that was a major turn-on. Being taken care of, considered, given autonomy… This was all new. He was drowning in contentment. He was even getting hard again. 

Zemo noticed and whispered into his ear, “May I?”

Bucky’s will to keep things quick and efficient melted away and he nodded. 

The other man took the soap from him, slicked his hand, and dropped it. With nothing left to do with his hands, he chose to bite down on his finger while balancing against the wall with his vibranium arm. Zemo wrapped his hand around his cock and stroked.

He’d tried this more times than he could count over the last eight years. He could get off but he couldn’t make it feel good. And now he felt like his body was on fire with need.

“You’re perfect, дорогой,” Zemo praised. “Truly a masterpiece. I want you so badly. I want to make you feel as good as you are. I want to give you everything.”

The more Zemo talked the harder he bit his finger. The Soldier was basically writhing in his head from all the praise. He was created to love the sound of praise from his handler. 

It finally struck him that he was lucky. He was lucky that Zemo knew him better than anyone else. If he didn’t have Zemo then he would literally never feel this again. He’d have spent the rest of his life, his long life, in abject misery.

“Again,” he gasped as his teeth let go of his finger. “I’m so close, sir.”

“Mm, you know what to do, дорогой,” Zemo purred into his ear. “Run a reward protocol.”

He came crying his handler’s name… and then he just started to cry. 

His handler was pressed up against him, murmuring soft praise, and he was against the wall breathing heavily as tears spilled over. He knew his handler loved him. No one had ever loved him before. He turned to face Zemo and buried his face against his neck, sobbing as it all became too much.

“Shh, дорогой,” Zemo soothed. “I have you. It’s okay to cry.”

“Thank you for taking care of us, sir,” he said through his tears. “We need this.” Bucky might not have been able to admit that on his own, but the Soldier could. 

Zemo kissed his temple and whispered, “I know, дорогой. I know. You’ve taken very good care of me as well. I need you too.”

The other man lowered them to the floor of the large shower and cradled him in his arms. Sam was still waiting, Karli was still loose, and Walker still had the shield… More fights to fight. From one to another without rest. But for the moment, he was content to just sit still and be safe.

Chapter Text

Coming down from such a high was slower and steadier than he expected but faster than he’d hoped. He was still buzzing with some residual happiness, but it had lost all it’s shine and kick.

Bucky was back in the driver’s seat and it was holding strong for the longest time he’d been himself in three days. He would have actually been worried at this point if he couldn’t also feel the Soldier hanging just on the edges of his consciousness. 

His other half was content and the blizzard he normally was in his thoughts was closer to a gentle snowfall. He was just casually monitoring in case he was needed. 

Apparently accepting the other one’s presence was the key he needed to get the Soldier to release his absolute death grip on their body. Zemo speculated that it was because the Soldier no longer had to fear that at some point Bucky would just take hold and never let go. 

Still, he was unsure of what the Soldier even was. He was definitely his own person, but there was nothing mystical going on in his head. Logically this was all psychology, but he couldn’t explain why the Soldier was an entirely different person. 

It didn’t really matter anymore though, because as long as they had some ground rules he could live with this. As weird as it was, he was better off than he had been before the Soldier popped back out of his memories. 

Now he had Zemo. So the problem at hand was how to keep Zemo.

They had sat on the floor of the shower talking and basking in each other’s presence for almost another hour. By the time they got out, they were both closer to prunes than people. 

But he felt so totally understood for the first time in his life. He hadn’t been a very deep guy prior to going to war so Steve knew him up to a point, but no one had ever looked below the surface. HYDRA had transformed him into the Winter Soldier, but he had been the first success out of many attempts. The only reason it worked on him was because he’d been made of the right stuff to mold into that shape.

Which probably didn’t say great things about him, he imagined with a little humor, but it didn’t necessarily make him a monster either. The Soldier was just vulnerable and needy. Bucky had never bought into the macho shit, so it didn’t bother him to imagine those were traits he always possessed. HYDRA just knew how to use them against him. 

He and Zemo were finally clean and dressed after taking their sweet time and it was time to face Sam. 

Bucky grimaced just thinking about it. He was wearing one of Zemo’s outfits and that made it a tight fit. Sam was definitely going to suspect exactly what they’d been up to. 

And, sure enough, when they exited the room, Sam was staring right at them. He’d moved to the couch but he was still right where they left him.

“Five minutes, huh?” Sam asked, falsely casual, obviously pissed. 

Bucky opened his mouth twice before he finally just shrugged and said, “We were having sex.”

Zemo snorted softly in laughter and moved around Bucky and into the kitchen. He thankfully wasn’t the sort of guy to be ashamed. 

Sam narrowed his eyes and gave a sarcastic, “No, really?” 

The man stood and gestured angrily to Zemo. “Are you serious, Buck? I am talking to Bucky right now, right?”

He nodded and grimaced again. This wasn’t going well. 

“He’s a criminal. I didn’t even want to be involved when you broke his ass out of jail. Now he’s got you wrapped around his finger and the Wakandans waiting to haul his ass back to prison. Are you even thinking about what he could make you do?”

“He won’t,” he said confidently. “I can’t say I won’t stop the Wakandans, but it won’t be because he told me to.” 

Sam gaped at him in shock. “You are serious. You’re going to go toe to toe with the Dora Milaje for this guy? And you’re telling me it isn’t because he’s puppeting you around like a toy soldier?”

“What was the last thing that made you happy, Sam?” Bucky asked, deadly serious. “I’m not being philosophical here. It could be anything. See a woman you liked? Cute picture of a dog? Talking to your nephews? Bet you know exactly what happiness feels like without even needing to pull up old memories. Well, I didn’t. But I do now and I can’t let that go. The Wakandans couldn’t fix me. And maybe… Maybe I’d rather be broken than empty.”

The other man’s angry body language softened and Bucky hoped maybe he’d made his first big point.

“I get that, Buck,” Sam conceded softly. “I can’t even imagine what that’s like. But this guy destroyed the Avengers. He killed King T’Chaka. He used you against Steve.”

“The Avengers killed his family.”

Zemo had been busying himself in the kitchen and his movements faltered out of the corner of Bucky’s eye. The man recovered quickly, but he couldn’t hide anything from him. Zemo spoke easily and often about his wife and son. They were never far from his mind. 

“Not intentionally--,” Sam started at first. Bucky could hear Zemo pull in a breath to speak but Sam continued. “Not… directly -- I don’t-- I know that. Ultron was a mistake. Tony’s mistake. But the man was right in the end. Thanos came and--”

“Thanos came and what?” Bucky asked. “Ultron was there to stop him? No, the people of Sokovia died for nothing. Stark may not have intended for it to happen, but it happened. Trying to pretend that the fact that it was a mistake absolves Stark of anything is wrong.”

He paused and looked away from Sam before continuing, “Just like trying to pretend that I’m blameless for the Winter Soldier’s work is wrong. I wasn’t at the reins, but I did it. Tony had every reason to try to kill me in Siberia. And Zemo had reason to destroy the Avengers. None of us are saints. How many people have you killed, Sam? I’ve seen you fight; you don’t seem to have the same hang-ups when it’s you.”

“Hey! I don’t kill innocent people, Buck,” Sam snapped. “King T’Chaka was innocent. That psychiatrist they were sending to evaluate you was innocent.”

“I’ve killed a lot of innocent people,” he admitted softly. “For the success of the mission, we’ll do anything. And I got pardoned.”

“You weren't in control, Buck,” Sam insisted but he was starting to sound desperate; like he wasn’t fully convinced by his own argument. 

“Sam,” he said with a bitter, empty laugh. His eyes looked skyward. “I could have died during the conditioning process. That was an option. The conditioning succeeded because I wanted to live. I chose this in a way. Does that make me a monster? Maybe not. I don’t know anymore.”

Sam didn’t say anything and Bucky was afraid to look at him so he kept talking instead. “Zemo did what he thought he needed to do and then he was going to shuttle himself off the mortal coil. There was no grand plan after that point. He hurt the people who hurt him. He regretted hurting the rest. He’s not a saint, like I said, but that doesn’t make him a monster.”

“If we’d been together,” Sam said quietly. “We could have stopped Thanos. It was Zemo who scattered us to the four winds. That makes him indirectly responsible for the death of half the universe. You and I included.”

“You’re speculating,” Bucky dismissed with a shrug. “We have no proof that we would have won. Maybe, maybe not. But it’s time to stop…” He gave a genuine laugh at the thought of what he was about to say and felt both men look at him. He could feel warmth in Zemo’s eyes so he turned to look at him fondly.

“It’s time to stop living in the past, Sam,” he finished with a wry grin. “Steve’s gone and the world is upside down. We’ve got a new mission. It’s time to work on making a better future.”

He could hear his psychiatrist’s phrase echo back at him in his head.

“That is complete and utter bullshit.” 

He should call her just to gloat. 

“Wow,” Sam muttered. “Okay, I get it. You are happy, aren’t you?”

He gave a half nod without taking his eyes off Zemo who was smirking back at him. 

Sam gave what was probably the biggest, most dramatic, overburdened sigh and said, “Fine. I want to be clear here, Buck. I don’t agree with you. I think you’re out of your gourd. But I’ve also never seen you do that before.”

“It was the second time in seventy years, Sam,” he confirmed and widened his grin. “It feels good. I’ll need a frequent re-up on the happy chemicals or else this will be a thing of the past.”

“Is this because you got laid, or…?” the other man asked with a grimace of his own.

Zemo finally spoke up and boasted with a smug tone, “Yes, of course, Sam. I’m just that good.”

Sam made a disgusted noise like a kid finding out what his parents did in the bedroom. He also barked, “I still don’t trust your ass, Baron.”

Bucky chuckled again and didn’t bother to clarify. It was probably easier if Sam rationalized this as Bucky just needing sex. He wasn’t sure he was ready to explain that he’d just cried for half an hour in Zemo’s arms and told him all about the first time he received praise for a mission.

The Soldier was still curled up in his head like a sleeping cat and Bucky wished he had some way of interacting with his other half. He was still in a cuddly mood and, apparently, that applied to his own alternate personality. 

Maybe he wasn’t in a position to start gloating at his shrink yet, he thought and felt his smile twitch with the urge to laugh again. 

Zemo was staring again and Bucky could feel the heat. The man wanted to jump his bones again. All because Bucky was happy. Wow, that felt great.

“So are you done flip-flopping between you and the Silent Comrade?” Sam asked as he finally approached in a more relaxed way. He clapped Bucky on the shoulder as he passed. It felt like the acceptance he was hoping for but didn’t believe he’d get.

Still, he had to admit, “No, actually. It’s more like I think I can negotiate on when I’m me and when he’s in control. He’s still going to pop out when Zemo is in trouble and he may just show up because he wants out. But I’ll know he’s coming at this point and I can try to ask him not to take over when I’m not ready. The compromise being that I make sure he gets enough time outside.”

Sam was back to looking at him like he was some alien in place of the man he recognized.

“Uh--,” Sam started. “What?”

Bucky cringed and tried to explain, “It’s hard to put to words, Sam. We’re both in here and if we don’t swap places every now and again it’ll get claustrophobic.”

“Zemo said it was because you wanted to feel happiness! Well, you’re happy now! Why would you need to shut down?”

“The Soldier isn’t me in ‘shutdown’ mode. He’s his own guy. Don’t look at me like that. I know it’s crazy. I’m crazy, Sam. Besides, I can’t get the happy thing without him. It only works if my programming is running and ‘Bucky’ doesn’t have any. The Winter Soldier’s programming still works fine,” he said with the hopes that Sam would just stop prying from here. It didn’t even make sense to him, so how was he supposed to explain this to someone else?

Sam, to his credit, paused and asked, “You mean one of those ‘protocols’ right? Zemo explained the ones for punishment the first night he was out. He also said you got a hit of dopamine or something if he said ‘good job’.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said while scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “Praise works. Completing missions or tasks when asked works. Being touched works so long as it’s not a punishment. There’s also a reward protocol that’s like the punishment ones except it causes a huge release of pleasant brain chemicals.”

“You know some folks use drugs for that like normal people,” Sam deadpanned. “But I guess this is healthier if you consider sleeping with a terrorist healthy.”

Sam threw his hands up in the air and said, “You know what? I’m done with this conversation now. It’s too weird for my ass. Just try not to kill any more of our hostages, Buck. You both got a shower and I haven’t had one since Sharon’s. So if you’ll excuse me.”

The man walked briskly past Bucky and into Zemo’s room to use the shower. Bucky snickered to himself conspiratorially as he tossed a look at Zemo. 

Zemo just smirked and said, “He should have used the other one.”

Bucky angled his head to look at the closed bathroom door and once he confirmed it was shut, he walked right over to give Zemo another kiss. He couldn’t get enough. 

The moment their lips met he felt the Soldier shift a little closer to consciousness and every few seconds his mind would skip like a broken record. But he could endure that. Sharing was caring after all. 

“I’m beginning to think all your anger was a floodgate, James,” Zemo said softly, running his hands along Bucky’s cheek. “Once we broke the barrier all this need came flowing out.”

“Is that a bad thing?” he asked with a smirk. He was sliding into the same techniques he used to flirt in the 40s. Be smooth, be seductive, be the bad boy. It just so happened to work as well on Zemo as it did the women he picked up back then.

“Not at all,” the other man whispered against his lips. 

Such a sweet handler, he thought. 

“Hello, cолдат,” he thought the moment after. A slight uptick in dizziness was his response. He took that to mean ‘hello’ back.

Bucky stayed in control though. The Soldier was just joining in for the tenderness. If they could keep this up, Bucky could easily see this just becoming his new status quo. 

“How do you feel, James?” Zemo asked after a short while. The man pulled away and started working on what looked like lunch. 

“I feel a little out of it,” he answered honestly. “But in a good way, y’know? The Soldier is happy though. He’s resting right now.”

Zemo hummed with curiosity and glanced at him to ask, “You can sense what he feels now?”

Bucky thought on it for a minute. “Yes and no. It’s more like he’s letting me know. We can’t really talk to one another, but we can feel the other there. When he’s taking over it feels like a storm in my head. But a quiet one. I keep thinking of a blizzard or fog. Probably because ‘Winter’ Soldier, right?”

“That makes sense to me,” Zemo agreed. “You have assigned him his own characteristics. He did the same to you while he was in control. He could most often feel your fear and anger. He described it as ‘clawing’. I am curious to ask him later if it still feels like that.”

“It won’t,” he said confidently. “I feel more at peace than I have since Wakanda, and even that was more like fatigue rather than real peace. I don’t know what it will feel like now, but it won’t be clawing.”

“Speaking of Wakanda,” Zemo broached cautiously. “We’re running out of time, I take it?”

Bucky nodded with a grim expression. “Yeah.”

“James,” the man said, drawing his full attention. “If I must return to prison, then so be it.”

Bucky opened his mouth instantly to deny it but Zemo held up a hand and continued, “Listen. The Dora Milaje will not be as easy to convince as Sam. They will want me returned. But I believe King T’Challa to be a good man. We may be able to work out an arrangement of imprisonment where we could still be close.”

“No,” he declined; instantly, seriously, firmly. “Do you deserve to be in prison? Yeah, probably. Am I going to be able to handle that? Not a chance. Let’s finish the mission and I’ll figure something out. I hid from the whole world for two years before they caught me. We could go somewhere even harder to touch us. A place like Madripoor.”

Zemo sighed heavily. “I cannot ask you to throw your life away for me, James. We have options that could keep us together much of the time without needing to stay on the run.”

“What life?” he asked with a much more bitter laugh. “Sitting alone in an empty apartment? Waking up to nightmares every night? Come on, Zemo. You’re a criminal mastermind. Let’s put that to work, okay?”

“You will burn bridges this way, James,” Zemo murmured gently and he took Bucky’s hand. He squeezed it once and brought it to his heart. “Make no mistake that this is the ‘wrong’ thing to do.”

“It’s what Steve did,” he said with a sadness tugging at his psyche. He could feel the Soldier react and shift closer to control. It made his heart flutter with what felt suspiciously like tenderness. It was like the Soldier wanted to protect him. 

Zemo was still looking at him patiently and he realized he’d stopped short, so he continued, “Steve went back in time to put the Infinity Stones where they belonged. Instead of coming back like he was supposed to, he stayed. He went back to be with his girl and live a normal life.”

There was something in Zemo’s expression that made his heart flutter again, but this time it was definitely pain because there was such sadness in Zemo’s eyes that Bucky felt his own sting. The man in front of him was dangerous because he could read Bucky like an open book.

“Please,” he croaked as he felt dangerously close to crying again out of the blue. The Soldier was back to being a full blizzard and was pushing forward, making his thoughts all foggy. He appreciated it for once. “Don’t-- Don’t ask right now. We’ll talk about it later. I can’t do it right now.”

Zemo nodded silently, grabbed his face in two gentle hands, and pulled him into another long, sweet kiss. By the time it was done, the Soldier was in control and frowning.

“James is in emotional pain, sir,” he said simply. He tried to assess where his other half was and felt him far back in their psyche now. Well away from control. Zemo once referred to him as something like a wolf and he could see the resemblance now. His partner was like a wolf without its pack curled in on itself alone in the snow.

“I’m sorry, солдат,” his handler said softly. “I dredged up some bad memories for him. He will be okay. Just give him some time.”

He nodded and forced himself into full control. He’d been allowed a chance to rest and now James could have a turn. 

It pleased him to be at peace with his other half. He even regretted his jealousy. He and James were far stronger as a unit than enemies in a single body. 

He resolved to treat James like one of his handlers as well after a fashion. He could protect him and the things he cared about. In return, he knew James would let him be close to his real handler. That benefited both of them as his handler was good at taking care of both him and James together.

His handler turned away from him for a short amount of time and then placed a helping of food in front of him. It was almost strange to look at. There was variation in texture and color and the food was solid rather than liquid. He wasn’t ignorant of food beyond the pastes they fed him generally, but he couldn’t recall ever having any either.

“Eat, солдат,” his handler ordered with a small smile. “Please run a reward protocol before you do.”

With his mind singing with pleasure, the first bite tasted as delicious as he remembered chocolate tasting. He quickly ate several more bites. Each one was unique and intensely flavored. He liked eating if this is what eating was when he was with his handler, he realized. 

“How is it? I haven’t been here in many years, so I only had shelf-stable foods available. But I suspect you’ll get much more joy out of it than Sam will. I will too. All I’ve had for many years was prison food and that is comparable only to unseasoned porridge.”

“It’s wonderful, sir,” he said between bites. “I like the way it feels. It reminds me of chocolate but it tastes very different.”

“That is the pleasure of eating you’re feeling, маленький. The taste makes us feel happy if it is one we enjoy. You get to enjoy everything because I’ve just given you a positive association with everything you taste,” his handler explained as he ate his own food. 

“Thank you, sir,” he said contentedly. After a moment, he added, “And thank you for unifying me and James. We are pleased to be in sync. I am pleased that we can both exist.”

“As am I, маленький. As am I,” his handler said sweetly as he took his hand in his own and interlaced their fingers. 

It made his spine tingle and his stomach tighten again with desire. The automatic correction was a small price to pay for this. 

He steeled himself as the feelings rushed over him and allowed himself to feel the love for his handler. His head jolted with much worse pain, but it was over quickly and well worth it. He’d endure the final punishment protocol a thousand times over just to feel this.

Chapter Text

James was edging back towards their shared consciousness by the time Sam rejoined them. He could feel him circling the perimeter of their mind; just watching. When once it would have made him feel hunted, cornered, and afraid, he felt protected and safe. James didn’t rush to take back control, he was just paying enough attention to tell when he might have to. 

He smiled, unbidden, at the feeling. His last reward protocol was still humming in his head and it made everything feel soft and warm. His handler noticed and pressed closer into his side as they sat on the couch. He was glad his handler wasn’t strict about his facial expressions or behaviors. He was pleasing him by simply being pleased himself. 

He tried to invite James closer in their mind so that the other could just barely reach consciousness of his own. He had been able to keep a small tendril of awareness as he rested after their time working in tandem and it helped him be less disoriented when he woke. 

The other seemed to understand and came close to the surface without breaking through. He could feel pieces of James without being James. His fingers twitched slightly as his other half settled in. 

Sam took one look at him as he came in from his shower, with a towel slung around his neck, and pursed his lips. “You’re him?”

Somewhat surprised, he nodded once in agreement and looked to his handler, who looked pleased. He looked back to Sam and stared.

“Well spotted, Sam,” his handler praised. “How did you tell?”

“The eyes,” the man said, some nervousness clouding his voice. “He’s got them open a little wider. Makes him look more awake.”

His handler cupped his cheek and beckoned him to look back at him. The man looked deeply into his eyes and read him. He tried to put all of his affection for his handler into his expression. 

“Yes, his eyes are wider and generally more vulnerable. When James is in control, he narrows his eyes and closes them off so people don’t look within. Солдат is much more open. All of his expression comes through in the eyes while James uses his whole face to express emotion but his eyes are usually hardened.”

He wasn’t aware he and James differed so greatly in something as simple as expression, given that they shared a body and a face, but it was gratifying to hear. He felt good knowing that his handler could recognize him instantly. He felt real. 

James must have sensed his contentment because he felt him shift in their thoughts. The fingers of his vibranium arm brushed his leg slightly without his input. 

It occurred to him at once that they could touch one another as a form of communication. They could even potentially write. 

“May I have a paper and pen, sir?” he asked his handler suddenly. 

His handler blinked once in surprise before nodding and heading off to get some for him. He was offered a pad of paper and a pen a moment later. He carefully placed the pen in his vibranium hand and put it to paper. 

It moved on its own accord, causing Sam to make a yelp of confusion and perhaps fear, but what came out on the page wasn’t words. It was just unintelligible lines. 

“Is that James?” his handler asked gently. 

He nodded and tried to focus on letting James have more control of their motor functions. It didn’t help; the writing was still just directionless lines.

“He is probably incapable of actual thought while not in control, солдат,” his handler mused. “When one is in control of thinking, the other is probably more akin to instincts and feelings rather than his normal thinking self. You’re capable of letting both of you be at the forefront, but your motions are slightly stuttered in places as you’re not coexisting most of the time as much as you’re switching places very quickly.”

His handler tilted his head as he continued pondering aloud, “At… a few points, you were closer to being a united being but you referred to yourself in the plural still. But I like that you’re growing more confident in testing the boundaries of your partnership. Is it helping?”

He nodded and said, “Yes, sir. I believe we are both content. I am trying to learn how to coexist smoothly.”

Sam asked suddenly, “Does he really have to call your ass ‘sir’ ?”

“Yes,” he answered automatically causing his handler to laugh. 

The man watching them shifted uncomfortably and asked another question, “What causes you to swap places?”

“Several things. James and I have swapped places currently because he felt…,” he paused for the merest fraction of a second. Sam was an ally, but that did not make him entitled to James’s secrets. “He felt fatigued and wanted to rest. He is still listening, I think. He just doesn’t feel the need to be in control at the moment.”

He added afterward, “I also enjoy spending time with my handler.”

“And I enjoy spending time with you, солдат,” his handler purred. 

“Okaaay, ” Sam interrupted loudly. “Let’s drop that subject. I’ve heard way too much about that today. How about the fact that you’re not as robotic as you were when this started? We’re getting full sentences out of you.”

He didn’t have an answer for that. In fact, he could feel the confusion on his face as he tried to process why. 

It occurred to him eventually: He had always had many thoughts in his head with former handlers, but this was the first handler that inspired boldness in him.

“I don’t believe,” he said slowly. “That my handler will punish me for voicing my thoughts. This is a new phenomenon for me. I would normally be harshly punished for speaking out of turn.”

The other man made a sound he figured may be associated with pity and moved to sit down across from him in a chair. 

“I don’t know what you went through with HYDRA,” Sam said softly. “Not all of it. I saw some of the files, but that wasn’t everything. I just know that it must have been… hard to say the least. But we’re on the same team now, so I need to know that we’re playing by the same rules.”

“My rules are to obey my handler,” he said simply. 

“Yeah, well, your handler is a criminal. Hey, don’t glare at me like that. He factually is. But you have a pardon in the US for what HYDRA made you do. Don’t throw that all away for what Zemo wants,” Sam explained as he leaned closer. 

He leaned further away and into his handler. He still didn’t like Sam. He was speaking to him like he was James. He could tell they had swapped, but not that they were distinct. 

“I will make you a compromise, Sam,” his handler offered as he put his hand on his thigh to settle him. “I have already resolved to not order him to fight for us against the Flag-Smashers. But if I do not give him any orders at all, he will only operate under his prime directive to protect me. The Зимний Солдат has no qualms about who he kills in pursuit of a completed mission or protecting his handler.”

His handler lifted his hand to start stroking his hair, eliciting a noise of disgust from Sam, and continued, “I will order him to stay nonlethal while executing his prime directive unless it is a matter of life and death in protecting me, you, himself, or civilians. However, if he can feel instinct from James on what to do, then that takes precedence. That way, even if the Солдат is in control, James has a say.”

His handler looked to him and asked, “Is that okay, солдат? Did you receive those orders?”

He had never been asked to comment on if he liked orders before, so he just nodded enthusiastically. James was close enough to the surface to brush the fingers of his vibranium hand against his leg again, but he couldn’t feel any panic or concern coming from the other.

“We understand our orders,” he declared contentedly. His hand lightly tapped him this time rather than brushing. He looked down and blinked at it. He didn’t understand the meaning.

“You understand your orders, солдат. James does not receive orders, only suggestions,” his handler explained fondly. 

That made sense. 

“I’m sorry, James,” he thought. He had heard the last time James spoke to him this way, but couldn’t respond with words. The fingers of his hand brushed his leg again and he knew all was forgiven.

“Fine,” Sam said, interrupting them. “But if this goes sideways, I’m throwing in my veto on going forward. I’m trusting you both to keep it together and you know I don’t want to trust you, Zemo.”

His handler put his hands up as if to say he was innocent and said, “I’m well aware, Sam.”

“Alright, let’s talk business then,” Sam said as he leaned in again and got serious. “From my understanding, Donya is like a pillar of the community, right? So when I was a kid, my TT passed away--”

He felt his fingers twitch suddenly. James snapped to the forefront of his mind to ask, “YourTT?”

Their thoughts were back in lockstep and he pleasantly accepted James’s presence alongside him. He tried to convey his contentment via his thoughts and hoped the other could feel the way his body reacted with relaxation and a soft tugging in his stomach. He craved the chance to be close to his other half almost as much as he did his handler’s presence. 

His mind received a slight shock of pain for his want, but he happily ignored it. 

Sam looked at him oddly, probably not aware of what he was seeing in the change of his demeanor but aware that it was changing. The man still clarified, “Yeah, my TT, yeah.”

James took control of their mouth and probably their facial expressions because he felt their eyes narrow and their eyebrows lift as he asked, “Who is your ‘TT’?"

“Buck?” Sam asked with suspicion. 

“Half right,” James said casually. “We’re both here. Long story. But I just couldn’t let that slide without asking what the hell a ‘TT’ was.”

Sam, to his credit, took this better in stride than expected and rolled his eyes saying, “Fine. When I was a kid, my aunt passed away--”

Satisfied, James looked away exasperated at Sam’s choice of words.

Sam ignored him and continued, “--and the entire neighborhood got together for a ceremony. It’s like a week long. Maybe they’re doing the same thing for Donya.”

“Worth a shot,” James agreed and then smoothly let him resume control. He brushed his thumb on his leg subtly before retreating and the fluttering in his stomach redoubled in strength. He was very lucky to have James as his other half. He’d gotten the best handler and the best partner he could have ever imagined.

His handler got up and walked to the kitchen to start rifling through cabinets. He resisted the urge to follow and watched instead.

“Your ‘TT’ would be proud of you,” his handler offered as he located whatever it was that he was looking for and pulled it out. It was a large silver cylinder that he uncapped and pulled out a small item wrapped in plastic. 

His handler held the object up and identified it as, “Turkish delight.”

He tossed one to him and another to Sam. He turned it over in his hands curiously. It was a small colorful square of something. Probably edible given the presentation. 

His handler returned with one of his own and unwrapped it before taking a bite. “Irresistible.” 

He was curious, so he unwrapped it and took a bite since the order to eat felt implicit. Sam just stared at the one in his hands skeptically. 

He did not like it. 

He ate the whole thing though because his handler had given it to him and therefore it had to be treasured. 

Inside, James shifted close to the surface again and spoke, “This is horrible.”

“No it isn’t, sir,” he said quickly afterward. Then he realized he had just lied and grimaced before correcting himself, “That was a lie, sir. I do not like it. But I appreciate your gift.”

His handler laughed and reached out to pet his cheek. “It’s flavored with rose water, дорогой. An acquired taste. My son loved these as a child but I did not when I was young. I quite enjoy it now, but it was many years before I appreciated its subtleties.”

“You tried to lie to me, солдат. I’m actually rather proud,” his handler said slyly. 

He wasn’t proud at all, but he was glad his handler was not angry. 

Sam was just staring at them wearily through the whole exchange. He dropped his own candy on the table and muttered, “This is some paranormal shit right here.”

Chapter Text

They traveled to a refugee sanctuary on foot with the hopes of finding more info about Donya Madani. As soon as they were ready to resume their mission, Bucky started nudging the Soldier to warn him he’d be taking control. His other half just twined his thoughts around his own for a moment, causing a heavy fog on his thinking, and then slid back into their psyche. 

Bucky took it to mean affection and he couldn’t help but grin to himself as he took control. The Soldier was so completely at ease being sweet that Bucky was envious. He found it hard to open up that easy.

As they entered the sanctuary, Zemo said lowly, “Shame what’s become of this place.” 

He looked around and saw the rundown walls and doors barely on their hinges. Children were making noise and playing in the center of the courtyard but he could even see from here their clothes were dirty and tattered. 

“When I was young, we used to come here for fabulous dinners and parties. I knew nothing of the politics of the time, of course, but I remember it being beautiful…,” Zemo continued as they walked slowly into the heart of the sanctuary. 

GRC posters lined with walls with smiling faces and ominous slogans. He was surprised they were even still hanging, but he could see the spots where they had been torn down and reposted over and over.

Sam glanced around cautiously and said, “I’m gonna take a look around upstairs. See what you can find out here.”

The man paused and eyed Bucky before adding, “Keep an eye on him.”

Zemo raised his hands in surrender and Bucky just shrugged as Sam walked off behind them.

They moved further into the courtyard and he looked around as everyone actively tried to avoid his gaze. No one was running but they kept glancing nervously at him and Zemo. 

He approached a few doing laundry and asked carefully, “Donya?” They looked up at him, terrified but said nothing. He tried again, “No?” They looked away quickly and tried to ignore him.

Bucky heard a low melody and looked up to see Zemo approaching the children slowly while singing, “Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool? Yes, sir, yes, sir, three bags full.”

Zemo paused and pulled out a brown bag and held it up. He could hear rustling inside over Zemo’s singing. 

“One for my master, one for the dame… One for the little girl who lives down the lane…,” Zemo continued as he grabbed a stool and brought it close to the children, who had all stopped playing to watch. 

He upended the brown bag onto the top of the stool and more Turkish delight fell out. The children’s eyes went right to the pile and lit up. 

“Turkish delight,” Zemo said gently. “It was always my son’s favorite.”

A little girl, bolder than the rest, reached out and grabbed one at a max distance as though Zemo was going to grab her if she got too close. Bucky’s lips twitched up at the sight. She was a smart kid. 

“My old friend, Donya, passed away… Did you know her?” Zemo asked tentatively. His voice was careful and low like he was talking to a frightened animal. He recognized the tone as the same one the man used during his more vulnerable moments. 

It worked. The little girl nodded with a small, trusting smile. “Yes,” she said.

Zemo put on a mask of sincerity as he said, “I would like to pay my last respects. Do you know where her funeral will be?”

The little girl nodded again and Zemo smiled softly and pointed to his ear.

She approached and whispered something to him. 

Bucky could feel Sam behind him before the other man arrived. The sounds of his steps were unique to everyone else around and his better shoes were louder on the pavement than the refugees with their worn-out ones. 

“It’s starting to feel like a dead-end,” Sam confided with a sigh. But he could feel the man staring at Zemo talking to the children. “What the hell is he doing?”

Zemo stood up and grabbed the Turkish delight and brought it closer to the other children. He could barely make out at this distance as the man said, “Donya is our little secret, okay?” 

He dropped the Turkish delight into the girl’s waiting hands and the children crowded in to share the spoils. 

He turned and walked back towards him and Sam, meeting Bucky’s eyes meaningfully as he said, “Cute kids.”

Oh, it was a secret, huh?

Bucky felt a small jolt of annoyance. They were supposed to be a team. He couldn’t fault Zemo for not trusting Sam, because the feeling was mutual, but he shouldn’t be asking Bucky to keep his secrets. This was info they all needed. 

The last remnants of the Soldier’s last reward protocol were washed away by the frustration and he could feel the other shift nervously. He tried to think consoling thoughts, but he needed to talk to Zemo. Preferably before the Soldier got anxious and wanted out. 

Sam shot him a questioning look and Bucky tried to shrug casually and look away. He could feel the man’s eyes burning into his back as he followed along after Zemo. If he kept this up, it wouldn’t be long before Sam didn’t trust him either.

They returned to Zemo’s apartment to discuss things further. 

The whole way there, Bucky’s annoyance was blooming into real anger. The Soldier was nearly a full-blown whiteout blizzard of panic at this point but Bucky kept trying to communicate he wanted to stay in control. He wasn’t even sure why he was so angry but it just kept getting worse. 

Of course, Zemo was being smug, crafty, sneaky. It was the man’s personality and he clearly loved toying with Sam. But Bucky didn’t want to be an accessory to that. 

It felt like the look Zemo gave him was an order and Bucky didn’t take orders. 

He was trying to take deep breaths subtly and calm himself down or else he was going to explode. He’d see what Zemo did. If the man denied having info, he’d force him to tell Sam. All he had to do was keep his cool. 

“Well, I’ve got nothing,” he said as they entered the apartment. “No one’s talking about Donya.” He shot Zemo a quick, pointed look and sat down on the couch.

Sam didn’t catch it, he was too far in his own thoughts as he answered, “Yeah, it’s because Karli is the only one fighting for them. And she’s not wrong.” 

Bucky let out a sigh. Sam was getting too wrapped up in this girl’s game and it was starting to worry him.

“What do you mean?” he asked, tiredly. His rage was still swirling inside. Zemo hadn’t said a fucking word yet and the Soldier was going to get tired of being placated eventually. 

Sam fell down against the couch and started to explain, “For five years, people have been welcomed into countries that have kept them out using barbwire. There were houses and jobs.”

He looked at Sam critically and tried to assess if the man was about to make a point that Thanos had done the world a favor. 

“Folks were happy to have people around to help them rebuild. It wasn’t just one community coming together, it was the entire world coming together,” Sam continued until his words dropped to almost a whisper. “And then, boom. Just like that, it goes right back to the way it used to be. To them, at least Karli’s doing something.”

This tugged at the threads of Bucky’s anger. He sneered, “You really think her ends justify her means? If that’s the case, she’s no different than Zemo. Using bloody methods for her desired outcome. If we can excuse it for her, then how can you draw the line in the sand with Zemo? Why is okay for one and not the other?” 

“She’s different,” Sam insisted. “She’s not motivated by the same things. Her motives are to help people. His were selfish.” The man held up his hands quickly when Bucky glared at him. “I didn’t say they weren’t understandable, but they were selfish.”

Not Bucky was mad at Zemo and mad at Sam on behalf of Zemo.

Speaking of Zemo, the man approached with a tea tray filled with a glass kettle and cups. It sparked his ire again. Why did he have to be so nonchalant about things?

Fed up, he asked, “That little girl… What’d she tell you?”

Zemo had the grace to look surprised before his expression changed to calculating. The man glanced at Sam, who looked up at him. He set down the tea tray as he admitted, “The funeral is this afternoon.”

Bucky met his eyes and Zemo had a mischievous look in his eye. That just made him angrier. They didn’t have time to waste with games right now. 

“You know the Dora’s coming for you any minute,” he snapped. “In fact, they’re probably lurking outside right now. Keep talking.”

The Soldier was pushing insistently for control, but Bucky held fast. He wanted to hear what Zemo had to say for himself. 

“My usefulness is spent once we get to Karli. I prefer to keep my leverage,” Zemo said simply as he stood up straight again. 

Leverage? Leverage?

Bucky was out of his seat and in front of Zemo in three steps. He grabbed the teacup out of the man’s hands and threw it so hard at the wall that it left a small hole before shattering to pieces on the ground.

“Leverage?” he hissed. “The clock is fucking ticking before they come to haul you away. We don’t have time for this!”

He was seeing red and then black as the Soldier tried to forcibly take control. Bucky’s jaw clenched and he pushed the other back. Not now. 

Sam was on his feet and reaching out carefully, “Take it easy, Buck. Calm down.”

Bucky was staring right at Zemo and the man was wide-eyed and reading him. Some of the anger abated, as he hoped Zemo would know what to do, but he couldn’t push even the bulk of it away. He was so angry. 

This was all wrong. Why couldn’t he make it stop?

It felt like a tidal wave of rage out of nowhere and he was aiming it at Zemo for something as small as keeping a secret. He trusted the man to hold him and help him, but he suddenly didn’t trust him to hold up his end of the deal?

“Help,” he wanted to cry, but the only thing he could do was stare.

“Sam,” Zemo said quietly after a tense moment. “Let me borrow James for a moment alone.”

The other man glanced at Zemo like he was nuts. Maybe because it seemed like Bucky was one step from attacking Zemo and he wasn’t about to die for the man, he said, “Let me make a call.” Sam left the apartment to go do that outside, leaving them alone together. 

Zemo lifted his hands, slowly, and placed them on Bucky’s cheeks before pulling him down for a very soft kiss. It was chaste but insistent. Just like the Soldier was insistently trying to surround his thoughts right now. 

“James,” Zemo whispered. “Please sit down and let me help you.”

He swallowed heavily and nodded. 

He was guided down onto the couch and Zemo directed him to put himself into the man’s arms. Bucky went easily and tried to get his ear to Zemo’s heartbeat. The man’s hands went into his hair and he took a shaky breath.

“I thought this might happen,” Zemo said in another whisper. “My comparison to a drug user was not just for visual imagery, James. When one is on a peak, everything after is a valley. The fall back down to normal levels where your brain is producing no dopamine of its own is very similar to the damage done by substance abuse. You went from feeling on top of the world to emptiness again. This is why I use the reward protocol so liberally.”

Bucky felt broken again. So this was just his normal anger put into relief against the blinding contentment he felt earlier. Which meant this was something he would need to get used to. 

“We’ll have to be careful, of course, that we don’t accidentally raise your resistance threshold but since you’ve been without for so long I was more concerned with getting you as much as you needed. We will need to develop a system to keep you at a baseline that you feel comfortable with but it may require creating an entirely new part to your programming. Something I fear I am not qualified to do without much research. And something I would not expect you to agree to readily.”

He tensed in Zemo’s arms. It’s not that he wouldn’t agree… It’s that he was fairly sure it would require the use of a wipe and reset to do. He didn’t want to do that again and just thinking about it made the already frightened Soldier swirl faster in his head.

Zemo leaned in and kissed the top of his head and finished, “I’m sorry, James. I should not have taken the liberties that I did.”

“It was like you were giving me an order to be quiet,” he whimpered pathetically as his anger finally started to give way to sadness. “I didn’t know what to do. I knew I should tell Sam, but I didn’t want to betray you.”

“An effect of being in such close quarters with your other half, perhaps,” Zemo mused as he continued to pet him. “You do not need to compromise your values for me, James. I understand that my plans do not have to be your plans.”

“What are your plans?” he asked quietly. “I feel like you’ve got an all-access pass to my head, but I don’t have one for you. How are we supposed to make this work if I’m the only one sharing?”

“That’s fair,” Zemo admitted. “My plan is to kill Karli and all of the Flag-Smashers. I’ll destroy the serum as well. And, if I have time, I will continue hunting down any remaining HYDRA operatives in connection with it. Then, perhaps, I’ll return to Madripoor and make certain that no trace of the serum remains.”

Bucky didn’t hate that plan. He didn’t want to kill anyone, but, if he subbed in ‘apprehending’ for ‘kill’, he could get on board. He wasn’t stupid though; the Soldier would take the chance to kill any of his handler’s enemies. But maybe he could live with it. They weren’t innocent at least. 

“Am I part of that plan?” He needed to know. 

“If you want to be, James,” Zemo whispered into his hair. “I’d like you to be.”

Bucky’s eyes stung and he nodded as he pressed his face into the fur of Zemo’s coat. He needed this. He couldn’t live without it. 

Feeling less like his world was about to end, he eased back and allowed the Soldier to come out partially.

“James? ” he asked frantically.

“Shh, солдат,” Zemo soothed. “He’s okay. I’m taking care of him.”

The Soldier whimpered for them and pressed closer. “Thank you, sir.”

“Thank you, Zemo,” he echoed softly. 

Zemo carefully asked, “James, would you like a reward protocol? It will make you feel better, but I want to be cautious to not force you to feel happy either. Processing pain is as important as overcoming it. The latter cannot happen correctly without the former.”

Bucky actually didn’t want a reward protocol. It was too sharp, too intense, too bright. So instead, he asked, “Can I have some chocolate?” It was worth a shot. 

“Of course, дорогой,” Zemo agreed. “But you’ll have to let me go so I can go buy some quickly.”

He nodded and got off Zemo. He missed the feeling of being held immediately and his mood began to tank again as the pleasure he got from touch was gone. 

Zemo took his face in his hands and gave him a quick kiss before whispering against his lips, “I will be right back. Mere moments. Stay calm.”

He nodded and Zemo left quickly to fetch the chocolate. 

Bucky half expected Sam to come back in, but the man didn’t. So he was alone with himself for the first time in days. Had it really only been days? Zemo’s presence was like a whirlwind in his life.

But Bucky wasn’t actually alone. The Soldier was still there and he was still concerned. He felt him push them into sync and he let it happen. 

“Are you okay, James?” he asked. 

“Oh, God. I’m talking to myself,” Bucky answered, slightly unnerved. But he recovered enough to give a better answer. “I’ll be fine. I’m just… It’s just a lot, y’know?”

“Yes,” he agreed. “But our handler will take care of us.”

Bucky nodded for them. Then he realized this was his chance to actually get to ‘talk’ to the Soldier without being self-conscious about it. 

“What does it feel like when I take over?” Bucky asked curiously. “It feels like a fog when you do. It used to make me feel tired, but now I know it’s you.”

“You are like a wolf,” he answered back. “Our handler referred to you as one once and he was correct. I can feel you circle around us and sometimes come close. Sometimes you howl. I thought it was screaming once.”

Bucky dropped his eyes to the floor and whispered, “I think it is screaming…”

“Not anymore,” he clarified. “You’re quiet now. You used to scratch and claw. Now you approach. I was afraid of you.”

“I was afraid of you too,” Bucky admitted. “I’m… I’m glad you’re there now. Even if this is honestly nuts.”

“When you’re frightened, please let me take care of you,” he implored. “I was trained to protect when needed.”

Bucky shook his head. “You’ll kill. I know that you’re just doing what you were trained to do, but I don’t want to be a killer anymore. I made a promise to someone.”

“Then why isn’t that person taking care of you?” he asked, desperate to help. 

That question hit him like a--like a freight train. 

The Soldier continued when he didn’t respond, “I will kill for you. I am not you, so it is not you doing the killing. I will kill for our handler too. Let me complete the mission.”

It would be so easy to say yes. He wanted to say yes. 

“I can’t,” he whispered brokenly. “I want to let you, but I can’t. Please just don’t kill.”

“They’re coming to take our handler away, aren’t they, James?” he asked softly. “What will you do?”

Bucky didn’t have a real answer. The truth was that he was scared that if he did try to find an answer, that he’d end up agreeing with the Soldier. So he just whispered, “I won’t let them.”

The Soldier didn’t say anything for a long time. Then a heavy flash of pain staggered him and he cried out. 

“I love him,” he said. “I’m sorry for the pain. I wish it didn’t happen, but it’s how I know it’s real.”

Bucky dissolved into tears immediately. Of course, he knew that. Zemo was the best thing to ever happen to him. Which meant all the other good things in his life paled in comparison. 

“I know,” he sobbed. “I won’t let them take him. I swear. We’ll make this right. I’ll find a way to make it right.”

The door opened behind them and Zemo rushed back to his side. 

“James?” Zemo asked in concern. “Are you okay?”

He nodded through his tears and pulled the other man close. The Soldier backed out of sync so that he could let him get the attention he needed but stayed close enough to comfort him. The feeling was back to being a gentle snowfall. 

Zemo opened the small bag he was carrying and offered him a bar of chocolate. In all his time being free, he’d never bought one himself. He even felt a little sick looking at it because of the memories it dredged up. But eating chocolate was the only single memory he ever had of an outside stimulus creating a good feeling in him.

He unwrapped it and took a bite. 

It was good. Unlike the Turkish delight, he knew he liked this. 

And there was a slow, muted rush of contentment that filled his brain as he ate. Tears continued to trickle down his cheeks as he pressed himself into Zemo’s arms and nodded. It was working. He didn’t feel like he did when he received a reward protocol, but it cut through his misery like a knife.

Zemo released the breath he’d been holding and kissed his temple. “This is good. If the association could be created to chocolate, then we can create an association to anything. We’ll select some things you find comforting and train you to feel this way when you access them.”

When he was finished, he looked up at Zemo and pulled the man down for a kiss. He let all of his feelings pour into it. He tried to even pour the feelings he knew the Soldier had within into it. It needed to convey just what Zemo meant to him and how much he needed the man.

“Ты мой единственный,” he whispered into the kiss and felt Zemo whisper it back.

Chapter Text

They took their spare moments of privacy to keep exchanging soft kisses and murmuring tender to each other until Bucky felt like he was going to melt from how badly he wanted to drag Zemo into the bedroom and go for round three of the day. Or maybe he just wanted to lay down, wrap them in the covers, and pretend the world wasn’t about to try to tear them apart. 

He wished they had time to spare, but their eight hours were nearly gone. 

Sam came back in after what felt like an eternity and caught them mid-kiss. If Bucky had been anyone but himself, he might have missed the noises of Sam entering the apartment but he was too alert. Even still, he didn’t stop. 

“Come on, man,” Sam groaned upon seeing them, “You look like you wanna tear his head off, I step out for twenty minutes, and I come back to see you all over each other. If you want to scare off the Dora Milaje this is how you do it.”

Bucky wasn’t riding the same high that a reward protocol would give, but he was still content enough to smile a little as he and Zemo broke apart. 

“Sorry, Sam,” he apologized. “I’m unstable. We knew that already. I just needed a little attention.” 

“Whatever, man,” Sam dismissed while covering his eyes like he was shielding himself from an unspeakable sight. “Just spare me the details.”

Then like a switch, they were back in business as Sam followed it up with, “Alright, Zemo, let’s get going. Lead the way. I’ve got Sharon acting as backup eyes from Madripoor.”

Zemo tilted his head in agreement and pulled away. 

Bucky fished another bar of chocolate out of the bag and started eating it just in case. Zemo had bought at least fifty.

They set off towards the unknown location, following Zemo closely. The man seemed to know where he was going which was at least comforting. The last thing they needed was to be wandering around Riga lost.

He led them smoothly through streets and alleyways until they turned onto another cobblestone street only to be greeted by a familiar, unwelcome voice.

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you to be pulling this shit,” Walker, the bane of his existence, called as he and his partner made their way down a large flight of stairs and towards them. 

Filled with just the right amount of lingering bad mood and semi-contented swagger, he spread his arms wide and called back, “Ah! How’d you find us now?”

It was ‘Battlestar ’ who answered, “Come on, man. You think two Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?”

Walker cut in, “No more keeping us in the dark. You can start by telling us why you broke him out of prison.”

The Soldier was on edge immediately in his head. He extended his own mental touch and reassured him that Walker wasn’t a threat. Just a nuisance. 

“He did that himself, technically,” Bucky sneered.

Walker sneered back and walked up to get in his face. “Oh, this better been an unbelievable explanation!”

Bucky tensed, ready for a fight, and the Soldier pushed forward just enough to make their fingers twitch for a weapon. But Sam stepped between them first and put out a hand to push Walker back. 

“Hey! Take it easy before it gets weird,” Sam snapped and put himself between Bucky and Walker. 

Walker took a breath and stepped back, but he kept on glaring at Bucky. ‘ Battlestar’ put his hand on Walker’s shoulder and helped pull him back a bit further. 

Zemo took things into his own hands from there and offered, “I know where Karli is.” He moved around them and went to walk past the other two but Walker put his own hand up and shoved Zemo back.

The Soldier was active within a millisecond and it was all Bucky could do to hang on just enough that they snapped into sync rather than him getting forced back. He took control of their limbs and kept them firmly planted while using every ounce of focus to calm his other half. Still, he let out a feral noise at Walker as the Soldier voiced his displeasure.

Walker shot him another glare before turning back to Zemo and asking, “Well? Where?”

Sam took another step forward, this time to put himself as a better shield for Walker’s protection from Bucky. He said, “All we know is, it’s a memorial. So, we’re gonna intercept her there.”

Hoskins focused on the matter at hand and mused, “That means civilians. High risk of casualties.”

Zemo took advantage of the fact that Walker’s attention had shifted and moved around the other man to continue walking. 

Bucky fell in close behind him and put himself between Walker and Zemo. The Soldier played along, but only because Bucky was currently flooding his head with reassurances. The other part of him was a full whirling storm of ice. 

The rest followed them from there as Walker kept talking, “Alright, good. We’ll move in fast. Take her by surprise.”

“No, I want to talk to her alone,” Sam interjected firmly. 

Walker scoffed. “I’m not losing her again.”

“Look, the person closest to her died. She’s vulnerable. If there’s any time to reason with her, it’s now,” Sam pressed, not backing down. 

Walker had enough at that point and jogged ahead saying, “What? No. Wait, no. No! Hold on, stop, okay? I think we’re way past reasoning with her. Unless you forgot the fact that she blew up a building with people still in it.”

“Sam, you walk in there cold, she could kill you, man,” Hoskins reasoned. 

Sam returned a blank look and said, “And if I go in hot and the op goes wrong, more people will die.”

“You gonna let him do this?” Walker asked Bucky directly. There was disbelief all over his face. “Are you going to let your partner walk into a room with a super-soldier alone ?”

Bucky grit his teeth and made sure he controlled his own mouth as he answered, “He’s dealt with worse.” 

The Soldier made a grab for their power of speech but Bucky kept it and added, “And he’s not my partner,” to placate his other half who took serious offense to Walker’s statement. 

With a large amount of willpower, he pushed the Soldier back out of sync and into the edges of their mind. The other wrapped around his thoughts leaving him dizzy. Neither of them were having a great time over the last hour or so. 

“I get it; you don’t like him, ” he thought soothingly. “ Me either, but he’s not a threat. Trust me. He’s just an idiot.”

The Soldier couldn’t answer but, the way his presence in his mind raged, Bucky could tell he was still upset. 

“You’re my only partner,” he offered as an olive branch. The Soldier accepted that better and took things down a slight notch in terms of intensity. Slight. 

Sam stepped back in and said, “I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay? This is right in my wheelhouse.”

Walker gave an exasperated sigh. There was something almost haunted in his expression when he said, “Yeah, I know. And I know those soldiers, which is why I know this is a bad idea.”

“Wait, John,” Hoskins said finally. “If he can talk her down… it might be worth a try.”

Walker scoffed again at first. Then he stopped and looked between all of them. After a moment, he finally dropped his guard. They’d won for now.

Still, the man looked to Zemo and said, “We’ll deal with you later.”

Not happening, John, he thought. The Soldier gave a nudge of agreement. 

Zemo put on one of his over-the-top expressions of innocence and offered, “I’m sure it will all come to an agreeable conclusion. My associate is just up ahead.” He gestured forward to direct their gaze up the street ahead where the little girl from the refugee sanctuary was standing, waiting. 

They followed behind as a group as Zemo led them forward again. 

He approached the little girl and greeted, “Hello, my friend.” 

Zemo paused, reached into his coat, and pulled out some cash as he leaned down to offer it to the girl. “This is for your family.” The little girl grabbed it quickly and pocketed it before looking back up at Zemo and darting her eyes to the group behind him. 

“Can you show us the way?” Zemo asked kindly. The girl gave a single nod and turned to lead them further down the path. 

Behind them, Walker muttered, “What the hell?” 

The little girl led them to what appeared to be an old brewery and headed inside with a final glance at them. Zemo turned and said quietly, “Karli’s in there.”

Walker grabbed Sam by the shoulder and said, “Ten minutes. Then we’re doing things my way.”

Sam nodded and forged on ahead but the moment he was through the door Walker spun around and slammed Zemo against one of the vats while pulling out a pair of handcuffs. 

Bucky once again had to subdue the Soldier in his head as he grabbed Walker’s wrist and barely managed to refrain from squeezing hard enough to break bones. 

Hoskins hissed, “Hey, hey, man. Hands off. We’ve got to detain this guy. You want him getting away while we’re preoccupied?”

He didn’t respond because the Soldier had control of their mouth and the Soldier never talked while he was executing a mission. The mission currently was to kill Walker if Bucky read him right.

His handler groaned slightly but turned his head to look at him and said, “Aggressive… But I get it. At ease, дорогой. Sam will hopefully be successful. A pair of handcuffs won’t kill me.”

That was an order, he thought. But he didn’t like it. 

He and his other half were in sync but his other half was tired. He’d been holding him back for some time now but the rage at seeing his handler hurt was too much to contain. 

James was losing ground in the struggle for control, but if his orders were not to intervene then he benefited nothing from being in sole control. If this assailant came to believe that he was operating under his handler’s orders, then his handler could get hurt.

Slowly, he released the man’s arm and allowed James to regain control. But not before using his control to tangle his consciousness close to James’s so that he could remain alert. He would not hesitate. His orders to remain nonlethal only applied if his handler was not in mortal danger. But what he took to be potentially mortal danger had flexibility. 

Bucky breathed out slowly as he took back control. This was going to be tense. Walker didn’t deserve to die for being on edge with Zemo, but the Soldier didn’t see things the way he did. It would be a tough sell to explain that Walker was basically a civilian himself. 

With Zemo secure, Walker turned back to face them and glared at Bucky. The man was clearly anxious. Bucky remembered that feeling a little. It was how he felt back when he was at war and it was time for a battle. The nerves that got you on your feet and moving if a grenade landed in the trenches. 

He pitied Walker if he thought hard enough about it. But the fact that the fucker was walking around in Steve’s uniform was enough to dull any sympathy Bucky may have.

He watched him pace like a trapped beast as every minute passed. Sam was taking his sweet time and Walker wasn’t getting any calmer. He eventually pulled the shield off his back and stared down at it, breathing heavily. Bucky watched him reach up and press on the bridge of his nose and grimace slightly.

He narrowed his eyes. Walker either had a headache or memories he wasn’t keen to relive. 

This guy had some form of PTSD. He was sure of it. As a man who still woke up screaming from his nightmares sometimes, Bucky was kind of an expert. What the hell were they thinking by slapping the shield in the hands of someone like this? 

His partner, Hoskins, seemed more grounded. He was leaning against a wall, seemingly lost in thought. Every time Walker heard the slightest noise, he twitched in Hoskin’s direction. They were probably very close, Bucky mused. 

He frowned as he realized he probably would do the same with Zemo if he were having a panic attack. Seek the source of comfort. Someone he could trust. 

Walker reminded him startlingly of himself all of a sudden and he really didn’t like it. 

All the more reason he’s not fit to carry the shield, he thought angrily. 

Bucky would have never been worthy to carry it, so Walker shouldn’t either. Steve didn’t choose Bucky and he didn’t choose Walker. He chose Sam. 

And Sam was a good choice. He knew it. Sam was loyal, smart, and kind. He was the same kind of good man that Steve had been at his core. When the world turned its back on Steve, Sam had stepped up to the plate to help. He’d helped him track Bucky across the entire world. He’d stood with him when he fought Thanos. 

Bucky tried twice to kill Steve. He’d nearly succeeded too. That, coupled with all the horrible things he’d done in HYDRA’s name, meant that his soul was tarnished. Even if the Winter Soldier was something closer to a pet dog that knew the word ‘attack’, it didn’t mean that Bucky didn’t have rivers of blood on his hands. 

Furthermore, Bucky couldn’t even work up the nerve to atone for all his sins yet. He was getting better, but he had a long way to go. 

How dare Walker have the nerve to think he was good enough for this? How dare he think he got to step into Steve’s shoes when he was also broken?

His stomach writhed with anger and self-loathing. 

After about eight minutes, Walker got up suddenly and started pacing again. He was muttering to himself. As it gained volume, he was saying, “Uh-uh...No, no, no, no, nope… This is a bad idea.”

Bucky pulled himself up to full height and said, “It hasn’t been ten minutes, John. Just sit tight.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me,” Walker sneered over his shoulder as he continued to pace. 

“He knows what he’s doing,” Bucky affirmed. 

Walker stopped at the end of his loop and stayed still for a long moment as Bucky watched him from the doorway. He was going to snap like a dry twig. 

Sure enough, Walker turned on his heel and approached with a determination that meant nothing good. Trying to push past, he said, “I’m goin’ in.”

When Bucky put out a hand to stop him, Walker leaned in close, fixed his eyes to his, and hissed, “This is all really easy for you, isn’t it? All that serum running through your veins…”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him. What the hell did that mean?

Walker didn’t even flinch under the intensity of Bucky’s stare. He just kept going, “Barnes, your partner needs backup in there. Do you really want his blood on your hands?”

Maybe Walker saw himself in Bucky too, because that cut deep. If Sam really was in trouble, then it was because Bucky let him go in alone against a super-soldier. He trusted that Sam could take care of himself in most situations, but the man was unarmed and alone. Karli had shown she wasn’t afraid to kill to get what she wanted. What if Sam did need them?

Could he live with himself if his instincts were wrong?

No, he thought. He really couldn’t.

His arm dropped and Walker stormed right past him while Bucky just looked down and away. 

The regret was instant and he chased after the man while Hoskins chased him. 

“Walker, wait,” he hissed, trying to be quiet. Walker either didn’t hear him or chose to ignore him. Hoskins was grabbing at his arm, trying to slow him down, but Bucky batted him away like a fly. 

“Karli Morgenthau, you’re under arrest,” Walker barked while barging into the room the funeral was being held in. Sam and Karli were both there, looking shocked but otherwise both unharmed. 

Fuck. Fuck.

Karli turned to Sam with hurt eyes and asked, “So this is what that was? Tricking me until your backup came?”

“Karli, no--,” Sam started to say until Walker interrupted with, “No, I think we’ve had enough time to talk. Why don’t you--”

The girl started to spit, “You’re are not--” 

Walker cut her off as he raised the shield to attack but Karli slammed her fist against it and knocked him into a nearby table before running off. 

Bucky was done playing nice, so he pulled himself out of Hoskin’s grip and chased after her. It was mission time. 

She dashed into a stairwell and leapt up almost an entire flight. Yeah, well, he could do that too. He chased her up onto a walkway above another open-air room where people from the funeral were milling about. She jumped down into the mass of them and they scattered back like insects. He jumped down after her and she tore off into the back part of the brewery. The people below threw themselves into his path to protect her, but Bucky barely felt them as he barreled through. 

He lost sight of her though as she went down another flight of stairs into the cellars. He tried to trace her path but ended up finding Sam and not Karli down there. The other man was panting heavily from running.

“I lost her,” Bucky muttered as they convened in the center of the room and looked around. 

Sam doubled over to breathe and panted out, “This place is a maze.”

The Soldier was suddenly very insistently pushing on his consciousness, so Bucky let him slide into sync with him for the moment. But the second they were in unison, his body started running off back the way he came and through a metal door he’d missed on his first way through.

Apparently, it didn’t matter that they had one pair of ears and one pair of eyes, because the Soldier had clearly noticed something he didn’t.

But then, his thoughts were feeling foggy. Oh, fuck. 

“No,” he slurred quietly to himself. “Not now, солдат. Let me handle this.”

He didn’t listen to James as he pushed the other out of the forefront of their mind. His handler was trapped outside and his patience was at its limit. He wouldn’t kill, because he’d been ordered not to, but he would make sure this mission didn’t fail.

Suddenly, a gunshot rang out from somewhere up ahead of him. James lurched forward in their mind and they staggered slightly as they ran because they fell back in sync from panic. 

What the fuck was that? 

Was his handler safe?

He crashed through the final door to find Karli on the ground, holding a bleeding wound in her stomach, and Zemo holding a blue vial.

The serum.

“Is this what I think it is?” Zemo asked casually as he turned it over in his hands. 

Karli’s eyes darted around from Zemo, to the vial in his hands, to more vials on the ground, and finally to Bucky who was watching stunned. 

What should he do?

Zemo’s eyes flicked up from the vial to meet his and Bucky’s stomach fluttered at the look of pure, unadulterated determination he saw reflected there. The man smirked at him.

Karli gasped, “No… No… ” and tried to crawl away. He moved and grabbed her as he watched his handler enraptured. 

Zemo lifted the vial above his head and threw it on the ground; smashing it instantly. Then, methodically, he set about stomping on every single vial he could find.

Bucky realized in that single moment that Zemo was everything he said he was and it was… glorious. 

Karli struggled in his grasp, but her wounds had her weakened. Their mission was a success. 

The door from behind Bucky opened and he turned to see who had entered just in time for a loud metallic thud to echo throughout the room.

He was back around instantly and his handler was on the ground… motionless. Eyes closed. The man in the blue suit with the shield was approaching with his eyes fixed on his handler.

His entire world narrowed to a single point: the man in front of him. All he could hear was screaming. Like someone was dying. All he could see was white. Like the world had lost all color. 

The man looked at him and tilted his head. Then he crouched down and picked up the last blue vial his handler had missed smashing and tucked it into his pocket. 

He was going to kill him. He wasn’t just going to kill him though. He would make him suffer. What he did to him would make HYDRA’s experiments look like child’s play. He had seventy years of practice and first-hand experience on torture. 

He took a single step forward. 

Several things happened at once: his handler groaned from his place on the ground, Sam entered the room from behind him, and the other man’s partner entered the room from the opposite end. 

“Alright, Barnes?” the man taunted.

He took another step forward. His handler was alive, but this man still deserved to die. 

“Солдат, no,” his handler whispered as he cracked a single eye open to look at him. “Help me, please.”

He was moving before his heart had another chance to beat. He scooped his handler up into his arms and pulled him close. His eyes roved his handler’s face looking for wounds. He found a large bruise blossoming on the side of his head, creeping out from his hair, and a little blood. But nothing that appeared life-threatening. He had to keep his handler awake. There could be a concussion. 

His handler looked up at him fondly through unfocused eyes and he felt tears spillover. He’d failed and almost lost the most precious thing in the world to him. He noted distantly that the girl was gone too. He had stopped paying attention to holding her the moment he saw his handler hurt.

James… James was howling again. Screaming. Tearing their mind apart in pain. 

The tears continued to spill without cease. 

“Home, please,” his handler asked, still sweet even in pain. “I’m going to have a massive headache soon.”

He turned on his heel and walked away. The three other men in the room were staring at him. They were talking. But all he could hear was James screaming and the rapid thud of his own heartbeat.

Chapter Text

The walk back to his handler’s apartment was a blur of sight and sound. All furious, all sharp. But mercifully quick. His handler was very hurt and needed care. He could not afford to delay. 

Once he got inside, he took his handler to the couch and set him down. Gently, so gently.

“Ah,” his handler hissed in pain as his head was placed carefully on a pillow.

He let out a small sob at the sound. His tears were still running down his face and his breathing was starting to head towards hyperventilation. But this wasn’t the time to be focused on himself. His handler needed all of his attention. 

He stood up and fetched a small hand towel. He wet it with cold water and brought it back to place over his handler’s eyes.

“Well,” his handler said, far too jovially. “That could have gone better. I’m sorry, солдат. I should have skipped the theatrics.”

He let out a pure cry of misery at that and fell to his knees as the mixture of relief that his handler was safe, the pain at letting him get hurt, the lingering fear of thinking he was dead for a brief moment, and the self-hatred that he’d failed him… it all overwhelmed him at once.

“Oh, маленький... Please don’t cry,” his handler soothed and his hand reached out to pet his face and hair. “Our mission was successful. We destroyed the serum. Did you happen to see if  I got them all?”

He wanted to tell him that the man who attacked him got a vial but his mouth wasn’t working. He tried to speak but nothing came out. So he just kept crying instead and shook his head. 

His handler only partially understood as he said, “Disappointing. Hopefully, Sam has the good sense… and the willpower to destroy the rest before that idiot gets his hands on one. John Walker seems the type.”

He positively wailed at that and nodded furiously while he buried his face into the fur on his handler’s coat. His hands were clenched so tightly that the vibranium was singing. It sounded like the way the shield sang when it hit his handler. He wished he could be ill if only to punish himself further. 

He needed to be punished. This deserved the use of the final punishment protocol. But there was no way his handler would use it, even if he was able to use his mouth to ask. The thought just made him cry harder.

“Маленький, I’m okay. It certainly didn’t feel good, but I’ll survive. I’ve endured much worse. I was a soldier too, once,” his handler consoled. Why was his handler still taking care of him?

James would be better at this, but James was still screaming. His raw pain was so strong that he could feel it even with his partner far away. He couldn’t even feel his presence; he was so far away in their head. But he could hear him. His howls were broken and desperate. 

He tried again to speak but couldn’t. He was mute. 

His handler peeked out from under the hand towel and regarded him in concern. “Маленький, say something.”

That was an order, so he tried to comply. But nothing came out. He could move his mouth but not activate his vocal cords. Maybe James had control when they snapped out of sync. Maybe he was broken.

An automatic correction ran as he failed to comply with a direct order. He welcomed the pain. He hoped his handler would ask again. He deserved this. 

The pen and paper from trying to communicate with James earlier was still on the coffee table. He grabbed it and wrote down, “Накажите меня, сэр.”

His handler squinted at it for a moment before his eyes brightened in comprehension and he said, “No, маленький. This is not your fault. Not yours, not James’s. You did well by complying with my orders. I told you to stay nonlethal unless it was a matter of life or death. And, as you can see, it was not.”

He wanted to say that it could have been. He couldn’t wait until his handler was already dead to decide it was a matter of life or death. He should have reacted faster. It had honestly surprised him for the man to attack his handler. James said the man wasn’t dangerous. 

But James was also in pain now. He hadn’t known either, so he couldn’t be blamed. 

“Come here, маленький,” his handler beckoned. He leaned in close and received a soft kiss. 

He started sobbing again. Why was his handler so kind? Didn’t he understand that he’d failed?

“Ты мой единственный,” his handler whispered as he continued to stroke his face. 

The feeling of love in his heart was so blindingly intense that the resulting pain in his head was almost overshadowed by the wrenching in his chest. His hand grabbed his chest and sobbed louder. 

He mouthed the words back and wished he had his voice again.

“Is James okay?” his handler asked softly as he swiped away the tears falling from his eyes. More just spilled to replace them.

He shook his head vigorously and his body began to hiccup from the crying. 

He wrote down, “Кричит.”

His handler started to sit up in concern and he panicked and pushed him back down gently. No, he was not the one who needed care. His handler needed taking care of right now.

He tried to convey that with his eyes but his handler’s eyes only grew more concerned upon staring into his own. 

“Маленький, please try to get James out,” his handler implored. “Try to comfort him. You both need comfort.”

He shook his head wildly again. Not him. He would be fine. 

“Маленький, this is an order. Try to coax James out,” his handler said firmly. 

He sobbed again and nodded. He felt helpless. He wanted to help and his head throbbed from the spiraling want. He hadn’t even noticed. The pain of the basic automatic correction was barely enough to catch his attention anymore. 

“James,” he sobbed into his mind. He was crying inside too it seemed. “Our handler needs you. Please come.”

James didn’t answer but his screams dulled slightly.

“He’s alive, ” he continued. “Please come. He asked me to get you. He needs your help. We need to take care of him.”

He could feel James again at the border of their mind. His crying strengthened again at the sheer relief of that feeling. His other half could hear him. His handler was alive and his other half was safe. They could fix this. 

James was still screaming but it was getting less intense as he approached the surface. More a feeling and less a sound now. 

He wanted so badly to hold James the way that his handler held him. His head spun from pain and he welcomed every jolt. He wanted to take them both away and keep them safe from the world. 

His world started to stutter as James carefully, timidly slid them back into sync. It was harder this time than usual. Their individual pain was so large that they were almost too big to share consciousness at once. But James managed to fit.

Waking up was one of the worst feelings of Bucky’s life. Everything was wrong. His body was already crying and he just added his own terror and pain on top of it so he doubled over as the sobbing wracked him. Walker had almost killed Zemo and he just stood there. 

The moment he saw Zemo on the ground, it was like his mind snapped and he was thrown back into darkness. He couldn’t think, he just felt. And he felt so much. Zemo had been dead as far as he knew when he was yanked out of control by his shock and fear. Inside, he hadn’t known that Zemo was actually alive until the Soldier called out to him. And when he did, it was like the maelstrom just got stronger from the relief. The fear was still there and the horror that he’d been completely useless. 

“I’m sorry,” he cried into his hands as he covered his face. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

He wasn’t sure who he was apologizing to. Probably both Zemo and his other half. They both deserved an apology. If he had left the Soldier to complete the mission, this would have never happened. Zemo would be fine, Karli would be dead, and Walker would be dead.

“James?” he asked in a wavering voice as he regained access to speech.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said again through his tears. “I fucked up so hard. You were right. You were right.”

“Дорогой,” Zemo called softly. “You need to stop punishing yourself. Every mission is a risk. As I said, I was a soldier the majority of my life. I still am in many ways. Death does not scare me. It would have been a small price to pay for the knowledge that I destroyed all that serum.”

He could finally speak, so he sobbed, “ He got one! The man who attacked you got a vial, sir. There was one left and he grabbed it. I was going to kill him for you, but you needed my help.”

His handler frowned. Falling back forward to press his face against his handler’s chest, he added, “I also lost the girl, sir. I failed you. Please, I deserve a punishment protocol. James go back inside and, sir, please use a punishment.”

“No,” Bucky gasped with a shake of his head. “You didn’t fail. If I had let you have control none of this would have happened.”

“Hush, дорогой,” his handler interrupted softly. “Neither of you are at fault for any of this and I will not be punishing you for it. It was an oversight of mine to underestimate Walker. But now we have bigger problems. If John Walker has that serum, then we’ve got another super-soldier to contend with. There is no world in which he doesn’t use it.”

Zemo was right. If Walker had that serum, it was a whole new situation. How the hell was he going to deal with him now?

“I will kill him,” he whispered, ice cold. “Please, James. Let me kill him.”

Yes, he thought. That’s the only way. Walker and Karli needed to die. 

Bucky felt his stare go dull as he nodded. “Okay.”

Zemo grabbed his face and forced him to look at him. “James, are you certain about that? Make no mistake, дорогой, I would appreciate us being aligned in our goals. But I will not ask this of you. I know you’ve been trying to stop killing. I have no qualms finishing this myself.”

“I won’t let them hurt you again,” he whispered and leaned in to kiss Zemo. The ice radiating from the Soldier was numbing the pain inside. “ We won’t let them hurt you again.”

He looked up and saw the sun hanging low in the sky. Oh, god. Their eight hours…

Bucky had hoped they would have been done by now and they could have made a get-away. No chance of that now. 

“The Dora Milaje,” he said softly. “They’ll be here soon, Zemo. We need to get you out of here.”

“We cannot afford to leave yet,” his handler said with a shake of his head. He grimaced afterward and he felt another stab of guilt at the sight. “We need to find an alternate plan.”

Zemo pet him slowly in silence for a while as they both contemplated the next steps. After a few minutes, the man smirked down at him and asked, “My дорогой, could you fix me a drink? My head is truly killing me.”

He was on his feet and searching for alcohol in a split second. James helpfully guided them to the kitchen and opened the cabinets. He located some bottles of various shapes and sizes. 

“What do you want?” Bucky asked. 

“Whiskey will do, дорогой,” Zemo called back. “On the rocks, if you will.”

He didn’t understand what that meant, but apparently, James did as he moved to fix the drink for his handler. He took a glass and added ice. Oh, ‘on the rocks’, he figured. 

When he brought the glass back to Zemo, the man looked up at him sweetly and said, “Please eat some more chocolate, дорогой.”

“No,” Bucky denied miserably. “I’d rather hurt right now.”

Zemo’s eyes clouded with sadness and Bucky almost took it back, but the man nodded and sipped his drink. They lapsed back into silence as Bucky kneeled back down to press his head against Zemo’s chest, directly over his heart. He needed to hear it beating. 

“The Dora Milaje will not be reasoned with, I take it?” Zemo asked with a sigh. “No delaying them further?”

“You killed their King,” he whispered back. “No. They will not be reasoned with.”

The Soldier could kill them. He knew it to be true. The Dora Milaje were powerful, incredible fighters… but they weren’t a match for the Winter Soldier. Few people were. But he didn’t want to kill Ayo and her sisters. Still… It was an option. A better option than letting them have Zemo. That had come so fully off the table that it was in pieces on the ground. 

“We need to run,” he finally decided. “We’ll have to regroup for the mission at a later date. We can’t stay here, Zemo. If I had been in control, we should have fled already.”

He stood up, disorienting the Soldier a bit, and moved to start grabbing things they would need. 

“We cannot,” Zemo announced, stopping him short. “My mission is not done. You are not the only one who does not like to abandon them, дорогой. Until Karli is dead and the serum is destroyed, we cannot leave.”

Okay, he reasoned. There was a way around that.

“Then you need to go,” he said firmly. “I’ll kill Karli and get the serum back from Walker. Or kill him if he’s used it. We’ll meet up somewhere safe. If the Dora Milaje get you, it won’t matter if we stayed or ran. They won’t hesitate.”

Zemo’s face said he didn’t like this plan. “I will not abandon you--”

“You’re specifically not abandoning me if you run now,” Bucky urged. “This is our only chance, Zemo. The Winter Soldier is one of, if not the, best assassins on Earth. Once you set him on a target, the target is as good as dead. The only missions I’ve ever failed were either out of my hands or… I didn’t kill Steve and Natasha because I woke up. If I had kept going, Fury, Steve, Natasha… anyone they sent me at would have died. It may have taken some time, but I was going to succeed.”

This Steve caused James much pain to think about. He’d been tasked to kill this person? 

His last mission flashed in his mind. A blonde man with a shield.

“Is ‘Steve’ the man who attacked our handler?” he asked suddenly. No, he realized, his handler had said ‘John Walker’. “Or--Are they allies? They appear the same.”

James twitched violently in their mind and both of his hands closed spontaneously into fists.

“No,” Bucky hissed. “This guy is just parading around in his fucking costume, using his title, using his shield. He is nothing like Steve.”

“Steve Rogers is a conversation for another day, маленький,” his handler said gently. “It will be a long and difficult conversation for James. Let’s focus on the matter at hand.”

He nodded and said, “Then James is right, sir. I will kill our enemies. You should flee to safety. We will rejoin you when our mission is complete.”

“Run away?” his handler asked, sounding bitter. “This isn’t a tactic I’m familiar with. I don’t like this at all.”

“It’s the safest plan, Zemo,” Bucky begged. “Please.”

“And where will I go, дорогой?” 

“I’ll know where to find you,” he said instantly. And he did. Zemo would go home. 

The man met his eyes and he could see the internal struggle waging there. Finally, he sighed heavily and said, “Okay, дорогой. For you.”

Bucky fell back down next to him, grabbed one of his hands, and pressed kisses all over it. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Just then the door was kicked open and in came Walker and Hoskins, followed closely by an enraged Sam shouting, “Hey, hey! Settle, down!”

“Barnes,” Walker barked. “Explain yourself. Now.”

No, no. Not yet. They weren’t ready yet. This isn’t how he wanted to do this. Sam and Hoskins would get tangled up in the mess. 

Fuck. What should he do?

The Soldier was tensed and ready to fight, but Bucky squeezed their fist to signal to him that it wasn’t the moment. 

Zemo sat up onto the couch and greeted the three men with a small wave. “Hello again, Mr. Walker. I suppose I should thank you for my migraine.”

“Alright, that’s it. Let’s go. I’m now ordering you,” Walker snapped, pointing at Bucky. “To turn him over.”

“Hey, slow your roll,” Sam snapped back. “Man, let’s be clear. Shield or no shield, the only thing you’re running in here is your mouth.”

“Now, I had Karli and you overstepped,” Sam continued, moving between Bucky and Walker. The man gestured to Zemo. “He’s actually proven himself useful today. And we’re going to need all hands on deck for whatever’s coming next.”

Shit. He had been right. Sam was going to get involved.

Walker stepped up and said lowly, “How do you want the rest of this conversation to go, Sam, huh?” 

Sam didn’t reply and Walker nodded slightly, chuckling under his breath as he said, “Yeah. Should I put down the shield? Make it fair?”

Walker bent down and put the shield up against a wall. As he ducked, Bucky saw what might be his worst nightmare. One of the Dora Milaje with her spear hoisted and ready to throw. Before he could move, it was lodged deep in the wall beside Walker.

They had run out of time. 

Ayo walked in behind Walker and said in Xhosa, “Even if he is a means to your end, time’s up.”

Another of the Dora commanded, “Release him to us now.”

Walker, with all the self-preservation and awareness of an ant before a magnifying glass, stepped up to Ayo and started to introduce himself. “Hi, John Walker. Captain America.” He extended his hand to her and Ayo stared back blankly, unimpressed. 

Sensing it wasn’t going to go well on that route, Walker backed up half a step and continued, “Well, let’s--uh, put down the pointy sticks and we can talk this through, huh?”

Sam took a step forward and tried to diffuse the situation. “Hey John, take it easy. You might want to fight Bucky before you tangle with the Dora Milaje.”

Walker looked from Sam, back to Ayo, and confidently said, “The Dora Milaje don’t have jurisdiction here, so--”

“The Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever the Dora Milaje find themselves to be,” Ayo said in a low menacing, cold tone. 

“Okay,” Walker said slowly. He chuckled slightly to diffuse the tense atmosphere himself. “Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot.” He reached out to put his hand on Ayo’s shoulder and Bucky felt the world slow down. This was the moment. 

Walker’s hand made contact and Ayo jammed the length of her spear into his gut, throwing him back and causing him to double over. As he went down, she struck again to his head, causing his head to snap back from the force. He reeled and she delivered a kick to his sternum that flung him back until he hit the spear still lodged in the wall. He bounced right off it and onto the floor. 

The man rolled over and grabbed the shield and pulled it up just in time to block Ayo’s killing thrust. He had decent instincts in battle, if not in conversation. 

The other Dora joined the fight as Hoskins threw himself in to help Walker.

Bucky knew their time was up and, worse, this wasn’t the time or place for the Winter Soldier to get let loose. He whispered under his breath, “Солдат, trust me one more time. Not here.”

The Soldier didn’t like that at all, but he felt him slide back; giving Bucky full control.

Bucky moved slowly, carefully. He needed to get Zemo out of here. He’d let the Dora Milaje beat his ass afterward. 

But Zemo moved first. He finished his drink in a single sip as all eyes were on the fight and moved cleanly to Bucky’s side. 

“Distraction, please,” he whispered with a smirk. 

He could do that. He stepped up beside Sam and put on an unaffected air. Maybe Ayo would kill John for him. It didn’t seem like the man had taken the serum yet.

Sam muttered, “We should do something.”

Bucky crossed his arms and glared at Walker. With venom, he taunted, “Looking strong, John!”

Ayo was tossing the man around like a ragdoll. Every time he stood up, she was on him again with another strike. Every time he tried to strike, she was somewhere else. Hoskins was getting held down by two of the other Dora and struggling to break free.

“Bucky,” Sam hissed. 

Ayo lined up for another killing strike and he realized that if he let this happen, then Sam would know he let it happen. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that. The Winter Soldier had much more effective means of killing someone in stealth. 

So he resisted every single instinct and moved forward to grab Ayo’s spear. 

“Ayo,” he cautioned placatingly. “Ayo, let’s talk about this.”

She didn’t want to hear him. She tried to wrench her spear out of his hands. And this woman was stronger than she looked because he had to use actual force to hang onto it.

Hoskins was kicked back over the coffee table and landed on the ground. Another Dora lined up to make a kill and Sam had to throw himself into the fight too. 

Now they were all stabbing, punching, dodging, growling, and overall making a scene. 

Why did he resist killing so much when it seemed no one else did? The Dora were all going for fatal blows if they had the shot. All because Walker was a jackass. Bucky felt like the only guy in the room playing at a handicap. 

If they had any idea just how fucking lethal he could be when he needed to. 

Ayo got her spear back and started striking him. It didn’t do even a fraction of what it did to Walker, but it still staggered him slightly each time. He was still trying to get her to listen. 

Suddenly, she pulled her spear back and thrust the blunt end at him, catching him in the arm. He staggered slightly as his body was momentarily paralyzed by a shock. She reached out and pressed something on his arm, grabbed, and yanked. His entire fucking arm fell off. 

They had installed a disabling mechanism. The shock, now that he wasn’t stunned by the suddenness of it, wasn’t enough to actually paralyze him but it was strong enough that he could believe they thought it should. He stopped fighting as the implication hit him like a ton of bricks.

They had never trusted him at all.

He looked up into Ayo’s eyes and saw confidence there. She knew the whole time she had an ace up her sleeve. He’d trusted this woman with his activation words, for fuck’s sake. He’d given her the biggest weapon in the world against him and still, she took more. 

Bucky staggered another step back. Completely frozen inside. How could he have allowed himself to trust? Of course, they saw him as a monster. That’s all the Winter Soldier was to them. A beast to be tamed. The ‘White Wolf’. 

Ayo sneered at him and whispered, “Bast damn you, James.”

All he could do was stare back at her as she walked away. She had effectively gutted him right there. 

She walked into the bedroom and opened the bathroom door. He moved, slightly, to see what she was doing. She paused for a moment and walked back out to say, “He is gone. Leave it.”

Bucky’s attention finally left himself and he looked around wildly. The Dora were all still there. Sam, Hoskins, and Walker were all down on the ground but breathing. And… And Zemo was gone. 

The surge of pure satisfaction was intense. It wasn’t a good feeling. No, it was cold, angry, furious. But it was a victory. And it was his. 

Ayo could cut as deep as she liked because his heart wasn’t there to cut out.

Chapter Text

The Dora Milaje left with little fanfare after that, leaving the beaten men to collect themselves and for Bucky to pick his fucking arm up. 

He glared at it in his hand. He didn’t even want to reattach it. It was tainted now. 

But he still had Walker to contend with and he would need it. He reactivated it and the point at which it attaches to his shoulder activated too. His nerves were briefly on fire as he lifted it up and put it back on. The sensors attached to his nervous system to allow him to feel it like a normal appendage, so putting it on wasn’t pleasant. This was the first time finding out, of course, because no one thought to mention it came off. 

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asked as he pulled himself off the floor. 

“No,” he muttered and swung his arm around to bring feeling back into it. 

By the time he was back in the saddle, Hoskins and Walker were gone too. They’d run like two scared dogs with their tails between their legs. 

Fuck. 

The Soldier pressed forward and Bucky pushed his own consciousness back against him. He knew what that meant. It was mission time. But first, he needed to ditch Sam. 

Sam walked into the bedroom and stared into the bathroom. Bucky followed and found the tub pulled out from its original position and an uncovered escape tunnel beneath it. He fell just a little more in love with Zemo just seeing it. The man clearly kept his tricks from EKO Scorpion.

“I can’t believe he pulled an El Chapo,” Sam said solemnly as he looked at Bucky. There was pity in his expression that Bucky was careful not to question. He tried to play up his own face to appear upset. 

If Sam believed that Zemo bailed and left Bucky behind, then he’d be less likely to suspect the core of their plan.

So he played into it, looking tortured as he stared down at the tunnel and hissed, “I can.”

“Buck,” Sam started carefully as he reached a hand out to rest on his shoulder. “I know you two had a… thing going on. Are you okay? I mean when you saw what Walker did to him… I thought you were gonna kill the man. Now, this? Talk to me.”

“I was wrong,” Bucky murmured, letting his voice go hoarse for effect. “I was wrong about him. I thought-- Sam I can’t do this right now. Let’s just figure out a plan.”

“We need to find Karli,” Sam said with such an earnest tone that Bucky almost felt bad. Sam still wanted to save this girl. “Walker messed things up, but we can still turn this around. I almost got through to her.”

“Maybe we should split up,” he offered. “We’ll cover more ground that way. I can look for Zemo while I’m out.”

“Yeah, okay,” Sam agreed with a nod. “We’ll rendezvous back here if we don’t find anything. We’ll call if we do. I’ll take North, you head South. We’ll do a sweep and see if we can spot any more refugee camps.”

Bucky nodded, resolute. First, he would find Walker and take him out. All he needed was a clean shot. Then once that was out of the way, he could find Karli. If Sam got there first, he could try to force the issue and get a conflict going. She may be a super-soldier, but he was a trained assassin super-soldier. 

“Let’s do this,” Sam said and turned to head out. His phone rang before he could move more than two steps. 

Bucky watched him answer it with a greeting of, “Hey, Sarah.” He was impatient. Maybe he could just slide by and wave.

He stepped around Sam and turned to wave goodbye when he caught sight of the other man’s rapidly panicking expression. Sam spoke quickly into the phone, “Wait, wait, wait. What? What? She said what?” 

Bucky could actually see Sam’s crisis training kick in as he followed with, “Right. Hold on, hold on. I know, I know. Listen, pack an overnight bag... and take the boys.”

“What happened?” he asked, concerned. 

Sam put down the phone and said shakily, “Karli called Sarah… She threatened my nephews.”

The man put the phone back up to his ear and listened for a minute. “Okay. Go somewhere safe. Only pay cash. Alright? Let me know when you get there.” He paused and pain contorted his features. “I know. Look, I love you. I’ll never let anything happen to you and the boys. You know that. Okay, bye.”

Sam’s arm fell down to his side as he hung up the phone and he fixed Bucky with a stressed stare as he said, “Karli wants to meet. She left a contact number.” Right on cue, Sam’s phone chimed with the arrival of a text message. 

“...She said to come alone,” Sam read.

Everything was going sideways. He couldn’t let Sam go in against Karli alone. That was a death sentence for the man if things went wrong. But this meant he wouldn’t be able to go after Walker, who had all the time in the world to use that serum now. 

“I’m coming with you,” he said finally, after a long minute. His plans with Zemo would have to wait. Sam needed him first. 

They got their gear on in record time and set off for the rooftop above the North Plaza where Karli asked to meet. By the time they got there, Bucky’s heart was hammering in his chest. Everything was on a knife’s edge. 

He needed to find a way to kill her with no witnesses or at least make it look like he had no choice, but he wasn’t the guy equipped for that job. In fact, he was barely equipped at all. Since he’d given up killing, he didn’t even carry a gun or a knife. What he suddenly wouldn’t give to be back in his old gear. 

He needed to get his heart under control. He felt like an amateur. The Soldier would be disappointed in him. Though the other was more preoccupied swirling on the edges of their consciousness. He could tell the other was eager to start the real mission and get back to Zemo.

Bucky’s plan was to just switch in combat and pretend he’d lost control. Sam didn’t need to know that he and the Soldier were working together towards a goal. With his plans to run off with Zemo, a wanted criminal, it wasn’t like he was going to need his pardon soon anyway. 

Karli was seemingly alone when they got there. She stared down at them from an upstairs hallway and beckoned them up. 

Okay, he thought. All he had was one witness to contend with. Of course, it didn’t help that Sam was kind of the witness he was worried about and now there were no distractions. 

They went up the flight of stairs to confront her and Sam yelled, “You called my sister? That’s how we’re going to play this?”

“Sam, I would never hurt her. I just wanted to understand you better,” she said calmly as she looked over to Bucky. She pushed herself off the wall she was leaning against and started to approach. “I see you, um, didn’t come alone?”

“You have to end this now,” Sam commanded. 

She shook her head and said, “I don’t want to hurt you. You’re just a tool in the regimes I want to destroy. You’re not hiding behind a shield. If I were to kill you, it’d be meaningless.”

Bucky took a few slow steps forward to help close the distance. He was still far behind Sam, but she was quite close now. If she attacked, he could quickly switch over to the Soldier who could kill her in ‘defense’ of Sam. If they timed it right, Sam might not even need to know he swapped. 

Karli took a few more steps forward and urged, “I was gonna ask you to join me. Or do the world a favor and let me go .”

Bucky suddenly heard the nearly inaudible, high-pitch of someone’s comms; Sam’s. Karli also had the serum, she heard as well as she fixed her eyes on Sam’s face with an expectant smirk spreading over her lips. He watched her start to crouch down into a ready stance and he tensed himself up like a snake ready to strike.

Sam looked back to him and frantically said, “It’s Walker.”

Karli launched herself over the side of the hallway and down into the plaza below. Bucky was right there with her as he crashed into her midair, but she had the better angle and was able to kick him back into a wall. He had the wind knocked out of him as he let himself drop and rolled back into a fighting stance but, by the time he was on his feet, she was gone. Her serum allowed her to run far faster than the average person and the architecture around them was too maze-like to tell where she went. 

Sam dropped down next to him and said, “I’ll send you the location. Go! ”

Fuck. He’d have to hope that Karli was on her way to the same place. 

The blizzard that was the Soldier swirled faster in his head. 

“Yeah I know,” he thought in annoyance. “I’m out of practice, okay?”

The Soldier just wrapped him up in his presence and caused a brief wave of dizziness. He wasn’t sure how he knew it was affectionate, but he could tell. 

He took off back out of the plaza and down the road as Sam took to the skies. His phone buzzed and he checked the location. An old hospital located about 2 miles South of him now. With the serum, he could do the distance in about 7 minutes with nothing in his way. It wasn’t far, but he was going to be the last one there even with all his speed. 

Not going as planned. 

The way there was relatively easy, but he had to dodge through crowds of pedestrians who were lingering around. Probably to see the guy running faster than an Olympic sprinter down their roads. 

Bucky got to the ground floor of the hospital and started to climb up the stairs. He could hear a struggle now and it was going on above him. 

One of the Flag-Smashers crashed down next to him and got him in a chokehold from behind. He pulled them close to the wall and kicked up against it to use his body weight to smash the other into the wall behind them. The chokehold broke and Bucky flipped around to strike him once in the head. The man was dazed, so he followed it up with a kick to the chest that sent the other flying down the stairs below. Bucky jumped back over the railing and landed back on the ground floor. The Flag-Smasher was trying to get to his feet so he kicked him again; this time through a brick wall. 

He contemplated letting the Soldier out, but this was just a follower. They could clean these ones up like insects scattering the colony once the queen was dead. 

So instead he calmly warned the other, “Stay there.” The man didn’t move. Maybe he was dead already. 

He turned away and rushed back up the stairs to where he could hear Sam and Walker fighting against more of the Flag-Smashers. 

Bucky burst into the middle of the room where they were fighting and caught a knife instinctively as it went whizzing by his head. Lucky his reflexes were still trained because his head would have been there a millisecond later. 

Well hello weapon, he thought. 

The Soldier swirled in what he took to be near delight. They liked knives. 

Like riding a bicycle, he was back in fighting form. One of the Flag-Smashers charged him and he deflected her knife with his vibranium arm and used the other to grab the back of her neck and flip her over his shoulder and onto the ground hard enough that she didn’t get back up. 

He flipped the knife in his hands and again contemplated killing her for a split second. The decision was out of his control this time because another charged Sam from behind and he moved to punch them so hard they made a crater in the wall when they hit. At this point, if they weren’t super-soldiers, they would all already be dead. 

Bucky smirked at Sam and said, “You’re welcome.”

But Sam wasn’t looking at him. His eyes were over Bucky’s shoulder. He heard a feral screaming and turned around to see Karli charging Walker with a knife of her own as he held with his arms behind his back by another Flag-Smasher.

Please, God, just kill him, he thought. 

But like something out of a horror movie, Hoskins charged through the door himself and intercepted Karli. They collided and fell to the floor. 

Bucky moved to intervene but as fast as he was, he only got one step before they were on their feet again. Karli got up first and pulled back her fist. 

Time dilated and he watched her punch Hoskins square in the chest with all her might. He flew back and hit a marble pillar so hard it cracked and blood gushed from his lips. Bucky heard every bone snap… Including the man’s spine if the way his head lolled to one side as his body slid to the floor was any indication. 

The entire room went dead still. 

Walker moved first, breaking free from the man holding him as the other’s grip went loose, and he rushed to his friend’s side. He was panting and he threw himself down beside Hoskins and pulled him close. Walker started shaking the dead man and trying to get his attention. 

“Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Lemar? Lemar? Lemar? Lemar? ” 

Bucky was frozen. That man was dead and Walker was about to realize that. 

Walker stopped shaking him after what felt like an eternity and just stared. Bucky could see his eyes; empty. Soulless. His mouth was still moving, saying Hoskin’s name, but the sound had stopped. He reached down and pressed his fingers to his pulse. His hand didn’t move but his mouth stopped as his entire countenance morphed into disbelief. 

Oh God, this was his Zemo. His Steve. His 'handler'.

The Flag-Smashers took their chance while they had it. He could sense them fleeing the room but his eyes were on Walker. He knew exactly how this felt.

Only Zemo woke up. 

His rage and hatred of the man were gone in an instant. All he saw was himself cradling Zemo in Walker’s place. Inside Walker’s head, the world was shrinking. Growing colder. Emptier. Louder. 

“John,” he whispered urgently. His hand reached out before he could stop it. 

Walker didn’t hear him. How could he? All he could hear was screaming. 

So he watched in horror as the man picked himself up and ran forward, right out a window, and jumped down to the street below where the Flag-Smashers were escaping. 

Bucky didn’t hesitate this time. He threw himself out the window after Walker. The man needed his help. He was the only one who understood. It didn’t matter if he’d attacked Zemo because Zemo was alive. What happened next was the moment that would define Walker’s life and if he didn’t stop him it was going to be the end of it.

Walker was running around in a foreign country in Captain America regalia. With Captain America’s shield. And he was going to kill a folk hero to the people of the world if he caught Karli. It would be akin to a public execution. Bucky had to stop him. The whole world was watching. 

He caught sight of him up ahead in the square and Sam was close behind using his wings. 

Walker had one of the Flag-Smashers on his back in the middle of the square. The man was shouting, “It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me!” 

But Walker wasn’t listening. He raised the shield above his head.

“John,” he screamed, desperate to stop this. He threw himself forward as fast as his legs would take him. But crowds closed in to form a tight circle around Walker and the Flag-Smasher. Their phones out and recording.

And Walker didn’t hear him. He brought the shield down once. 

Bucky staggered in place, stunned and horrified. 

“John, don’t! Trust me! ” he begged, desperate to save Walker from himself. 

It didn’t matter, because Walker didn’t care. He raised the shield again and brought it back down. 

Again. And again. And again. Over, and over, and over… Until the blood ran down the steps and pooled at his feet. Until the Flag-Smasher’s torso was bisected across the middle. Until the crowd of dozens of spectators had footage of Captain America killing a man in cold blood.

Chapter Text

His head was reeling and he could feel the Soldier trying to make a grab for control again. Bucky backed away from the crowd and tried to keep sight of Walker as the man walked away. The crowd scattered around him like he was a feral dog. Walker probably felt like one.

Bucky didn’t know what to feel anymore. Everything was a tangled mess. He felt pity, anger, anger at himself, helplessness… All of his planning and all of his morals were sitting in pieces at his feet and he couldn’t tell what was worth salvaging.

Walker hurt Zemo, so Bucky was going to kill Walker.

Karli was Zemo’s enemy, so Bucky was going to kill Karli.

Now Karli killed Walker’s friend, so Bucky… what?

Was the enemy of his enemy his friend? 

Walker’s decision to kill the Flag-Smasher would have been no different than Bucky killing Walker for what he did to Zemo. More acceptable, even, as Hoskins was dead and Zemo had a headache. Was there such a thing as ‘more acceptable’ here? Steve wouldn’t think so.

But Steve killed too.  

And so did Sam. Hell, he couldn’t name an Avenger who didn’t. Some tried to avoid it more than others, but it was inevitable in their line of work. When Sam got on a roll, he could even give the Soldier a run for his money in terms of body count. 

What would Steve have done if it had been him?

What had Steve done when it was him? Did he let that HYDRA soldier survive? Spare him? 

Would Steve have chased him into the square and killed him in broad daylight?

He didn’t think he would, but Zemo would have. Bucky knew Zemo would kill for him. But did that make him feel better… or worse? Did he feel worse because it felt better? Bucky knew, deep down inside, he would have done the exact same thing as Walker in his shoes. It wouldn’t have even been a question. If it was Zemo or Steve or even Sam laying there, his control would have shattered on the spot. 

And the Flag-Smasher was a killer too, so did they deserve it? Karli had killed Hoskins, but this guy wasn’t innocent either. They had just bombed a GRC supply depot and killed hostages. It wasn’t like the Flag-Smashers were just misguided kids. Bucky knew all too well what happened when you put a weapon in someone’s hands and sent them off to fight for a cause. They were soldiers and they were the enemy faction. Was it any different from killing Nazis in the war? Good guys good, bad guys bad?

The Soldier didn’t have a code; no morals, no guilt complex. The gentle, sweet, hurting creature that lived in his head was also the same ice-cold killer who’d shot Nakajima's son and said, ‘Hail HYDRA’. Bucky had always taken the burden of his actions as the Winter Soldier upon his own head while the rest of the world told him it wasn’t his fault. 

But the Soldier had reasons too. He did it because his handlers wanted him too and he wanted what his handlers wanted. He may have been trained that way but the entire concept of ‘free will’ wasn’t something that vanished in the programming. It wasn’t that the Soldier didn’t have it, he just didn’t use it. Willfully, didn’t use it. Of course, it was because they manipulated him into believing he couldn’t or they would punish him and if he was good he would get a reward. But that didn’t mean that the Soldier didn’t still actively choose to kill. He just had ‘better’ reasons.

The hard truth about his programming had always been that he hadn’t chosen death. They could have only tortured him for so long before his body just gave out. Instead, he’d cracked and they snapped his mind into the two pieces it was in now. 

It wasn’t his fault, a voice in his conscience said. 

It used to sound like Steve, but now he could hear Zemo in there too. 

He’d done what he did to survive, it said again.  

Steve had never said that to him; that was something Zemo said. Steve had always said ‘it wasn’t you’. Zemo looked his demons full in the face and seen their pain. His pain. The man was the only one who understood that it was a choice. A hard choice, an impossible choice, but a choice. Was one at fault for what they did in defense of their own life? 

Yes, he thought, but maybe it didn’t make him a monster.

Walker wasn’t defending his own life, but avenging one he cared about. Karli killed actively rather than choosing peace. They had offered it. Even Walker had been on board to offer it. The man wasn’t there to kill Karli, he was there to arrest her. But she was defending her own way of life, so did that absolve her?

Sam and Steve killed for the mission. But would Sam have killed Karli if she’d hurt his nephews? 

Probably, he thought.

And Steve defended him in Siberia against Tony when, by all accounts, Stark had every reason to kill him. It didn’t matter if it was Bucky or the Winter Soldier, because either way Stark’s parents were dead and the blood was on his hands. They were fighting for their lives at the time. While neither of them were trying to kill Stark, he could have easily died anyway.

Good guys good, bad guys bad, he thought, it was always all perspective.

Bucky decided at that moment that morals were a tangled mess of lies and half-truths and that everyone was telling themselves a different story. But maybe that was okay because the world was still turning. If he started splitting hairs on every justification, he would be paralyzed for life. This is probably why Zemo picked his code and adhered to it but didn’t pretend it was an honorable one. 

It was clear he had a lot more work to do on his own because this experience had shaken him to his core. He and Walker were too similar to ignore. 

But the man needed him now and Bucky wasn’t going to leave him hanging by a thread. The rest of the world was about to hang Walker out to dry and turn their backs on him; he needed a friend who got it. 

Bucky chased him to a warehouse on the outskirts of town. The man picked up speed once he was out of sight until he was running full tilt away from his mistakes. Bucky knew that feeling too. It was the same one that drove him into hiding in Romania. 

He caught up to him inside and found Walker kneeling, doubled over the shield, with his head in his hands. Sam wasn’t there yet, probably having lost sight of them as they ran through the streets. Or maybe Sam just knew this was a conversation he needed to have alone with Walker.

The Soldier pressed him to get out and he finally agreed enough to let the other slip into sync with him. Before he approached Walker, Bucky held back and whispered, “You can watch, but let me handle this. He’s… fragile right now. He needs help.”

“He hurt our handler,” he hissed back. 

“I know,” Bucky consoled “But they killed his. He’s scared and he’s alone. Zemo is safe and free. We’ll be with him soon, but first, we need to do this. It took us a decade to find someone who understood, but we can be that person for Walker right now. Don’t wish our pain on others.”

“It’s not the same,” he argued. “He is not like us.”

“You’re right,” Bucky agreed with a sad smile. “He’s alone.”

The Soldier went silent at that, but Bucky could feel him calm slightly. He gave one last whisper of, “Trust me, маленький.”

He nodded finally and Bucky sighed in relief. Their consciousness tangled up so tightly as the Soldier tried to become very close to him. It kind of felt like he was trying to do something like hold his hand. 

Bucky was once again so, so glad he wasn’t alone anymore. Instinctively, he knew he and the Soldier weren’t actually two people. They were one person who had been cut down the middle by trauma. But the Soldier was no less real. He didn’t how it was possible for two people in a single body to exist at the same time when they were born as one, but here they were. And maybe he was crazy, but at least he’d gotten the kind of crazy that meant he didn’t have to spend a single moment alone for the rest of his life. 

Ready to help, he approached Walker. The man didn’t look up until he carefully said, “John?”

Walker’s eyes were empty but clear. He could see the screaming in them. All the pain in the world and no outlet for it. His hands were covered in blood from stroking the shield. The man stood up and went to walk past him. 

“You should go see a medic, you don’t look so good,” Walker muttered. Bucky didn’t have a single wound on him, but Walker had barely even looked at him anyway. 

“John, wait,” he murmured. “Just talk to me, okay?”

“What?” Walker asked, breathless with anger. “You saw what happened! You know what I had to do. I killed him because I had to. He killed Lemar!”

Bucky put his hands up in surrender and held his ground as Walker stepped forward aggressively. “I know, John. You had a choice, but it wasn’t a good one. I know how you feel. I-- I felt the same way when you attacked Zemo in the brewery.”

Walker sneered and spat, “Oh yeah, do you? He’s a fucking criminal. Lemar was a fucking hero. An American fucking hero. And now he’s--He’s dead and I didn’t protect him.”

“No,” Bucky breathed softly. “He protected you.”

That had Walker stagger back until he hit a piece of machinery behind him. His guard dropped like a curtain and Bucky could see the hate, the self-hate, inside. The Soldier twitched their fingers in what felt like sympathy. He took a step forward. 

“John, listen to me,” he pleaded. “You’re not a monster. You may not even feel like one right now, because you did what you thought you had to do, but someday soon it will lurk in the back of your mind. I get it. They gave you the shield and told you to go be a hero. They slapped a gun in my hand in 1941 and said go save the world. I get it.”

“I just--I just,” Walker panted, looking around for an escape. “I just wanted to do the right thing. Rogers always did the right thing.”

“Not always,” Bucky said with a soft, pained chuckle. “The second to last big thing I ever saw him do was the wrong thing. The selfish thing. Killing that man was the selfish thing, John, but I get why you did it. Let it end here.”

The man doubled over again and groaned, but this time it was in what sounded like physical pain. “I’m going to be sick,” Walker said suddenly and turned to the side to throw up everything in his stomach.

Bucky lunged forward and caught him as he was falling. He unbuckled the helmet and pulled it off his head to press a hand to his forehead. It was on fire and his skin was clammy. Fever.

Serum.

The Soldier twitched again at the realization. His handler wanted super-soldiers dead. But… James wanted to help this one. His orders were to let James make his own choice, so he stayed quiet and helped.

He needed to get Walker to safety. The serum wasn’t a fast process and it wasn’t pleasant. It was amazing that the man was even on his feet. He should be bedridden. The pain he would be in at this point was almost unimaginable. Bucky could hardly even remember it himself because of just how intense it was. It felt more like a blinding flash than the week of agony he knew it was. 

“I don’t need--,” Walker said, swallowing as his mouth went dry. “I don’t need your help, Barnes. I’m--I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Bucky said firmly. “You took the serum and now your body is dealing with it. Did you honestly think it was going to be easy? Instant?”

“I thought it--it would help,” Walker muttered to himself as he dry-heaved again. “Lemar still died…”

“He died a hero, John,” he consoled softly as he hoisted the man up and put his arm around his shoulders. “You’re right about that. Lemar Hoskins was a hero.”

Walker’s head dropped as he passed out and snapped back up as he woke up again. It happened a few more times before he finally just gave up and rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“You were gonna kill me,” Walker slurred as Bucky carried them out of the warehouse. “I saw it in your eyes. When I hit Zemo with the shield, you were gonna kill me.”

“Yeah,” he admitted. He didn’t see any point in lying. “I planned on killing you right up until Hoskins went down. I hoped Karli would take you out and I could get her. But it clicked in my head when I saw you that what you actually needed was help.”

Walker muttered something but it didn’t make it to words. Bucky looked at him to try to make it out. The man said it again, “I’m sorry.”

Bucky waited and Walker kept talking, stronger this time but still fading in and out, “He’s a criminal. They sent me to get him back. I was just following orders.”

Bucky sighed and the Soldier frowned contemplatively. They both knew all about following orders.

“Zemo knew what he got himself into,” Bucky said finally. “He doesn’t go into things without full awareness that it might kill him. Thank you for not aiming at the neck at least. We’ve kind of got a thing. Dating, I think.”

“Didn’t he--,” Walker asked, trailing off. 

“Yeah,” Bucky said with a half-laugh. “Yeah, he did. But I’m over that. Zemo has his code. It’s pretty straight forward and he sticks to it like glue, but he makes his own rules. Everything is fair game if it helps him follow that code. He wants to destroy the serum, super-soldiers, and any remnants of HYDRA. He’s not a big fan of people like the Avengers or the Flag-Smashers.”

Walker hummed and asked, “And how’s that--that wo-work out? You’re--You’re a s-s-super-soldier.”

He thought on it for a while before answering, “I’m his exception. I didn’t choose the serum. HYDRA forced it on me. I don’t want to rule the world with it. I barely even want to change the world with it. I think he sees that. He also knows how broken I am. How much I need him.”

Walker made another noise of agreement and Bucky kept thinking about it. 

“I think he needs me too,” he continued. “Zemo has been alone for a long time now. He’s what HYDRA and the Avengers made him. I think it feels good to feel like he’s doing good. He’s a criminal, but I don’t think that’s necessarily the same as being a bad person. Someone can do very bad things for good reasons.”

“Karli,” Walker whispered but couldn’t finish his sentence. 

“Karli has a different code, but she’s still willing to use whatever methods she needs to execute it. She doesn’t just want to remove dangers from the world. She wants to enforce her will upon it. Even if the message is good, her ego in trying to conform everything to her vision is dangerous. Zemo doesn’t expect the world to agree with him. He does what he does with the full knowledge of what he’s doing is wrong.”

Walker nodded and finally passed out completely. Bucky just shifted his weight up in his grasp to support him better as he carried him along. 

Sam was waiting not far out. He looked tired and he fixed his eyes on Walker as Bucky brought them close.

“Did you have to fight?” he asked as Bucky approached.

“No,” Bucky said softly. “He’s sick. He took the serum, Sam. He needs bed rest. He’ll be in for a rough week or so.”

“He’s in for a rough life,” Sam sighed. “The man just killed a guy in the middle of a city in broad daylight. The US government is going to whip him through the streets. They’re fine turning a blind eye as long as no one else saw it happen, but there’s videos already all over the internet.”

What should they do? 

“Call in backup,” he decided. “Do you have anyone you can call?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a guy. I’ll give him a call,” Sam said with a nod. He pulled out his phone but Bucky put up his hand. 

“Don’t tell him you’ve got Walker and-- Don’t mention Zemo. Don’t mention me. Sam, I’m leaving for a while. I helped Zemo escape and I’ve got to go find him,” he admitted fully. 

“I wasn’t going to tell you, but I’ve had a change of heart.” 

Sam smirked at him. “Man, do you honestly think I didn’t catch that? You carry the man like he’s made of glass out of the brewery, he spends the last few days all over you, and you expect me to believe he ditched you? You’re head over heels for that asshole. And, worse, I think he’s head over heels for you.”

Both he and the Soldier reacted. Their fingers twitched and Bucky felt his eyes sting. He wasn’t sure which of them wanted to cry, but he’d never seen Sam in a better light. 

“Did you know--,” he started to ask but the words caught in his throat. “Did you know I was going to kill Walker?”

Sam fixed him with a fonder look than he was expecting. “Buck, I knew you wouldn’t.”

Steve picked right. He’d seen in Sam what Bucky had only guessed at. 

A loud metallic sound had them both jump slightly. The shield rolled to Sam’s feet. 

“Take it,” Walker slurred from his place against Bucky’s side. “Take it. It’s yours. He picked you, right?”

Bucky looked up and back to Sam with a smirk, “You heard the man. He picked you.”

Sam picked up the shield and turned it over in his hands. His eyes were bright, a little shiny, but determined. He brushed his fingers over the smooth vibranium, danced around the blood drying on it, and nodded. 

“L--Leave me,” Walker slurred again. “Home. I--I need to go home. M-my wife.”

Bucky shot him a sympathetic look. “They’re going to crucify you, John.”

Walker nodded as much as he could. “I k-know. I want--I want-- I want to s-see them. I w-want them t-to look me in the eye and s-say his name. I’ll be f-fine.”

“Don’t tell them you took the serum,” he advised. “They’ll never let you go if you do. If they ask, you’re breaking down. Which you are. If you ever need help and trust me, you will, call me.”

Walker nodded again and Bucky helped him down to the ground beside Sam. 

Carefully, he reached out and touched the side of his head bracingly.

He kneeled and looked into the man’s eyes and said softly, “Let someone take care of you. Find someone else to give you orders. Better orders.”

The man met his eyes for a long moment and nodded. He felt pity for him. He’d hurt his handler but James was right. He’d hurt his more people than most people on Earth on orders. He knew what it was to follow orders. 

He stood back up and Bucky smiled. He didn’t feel the happiness he needed to make it a happy smile, but it was definitely a proud smile. The Soldier understood.

Back in control, he turned to Sam reached out, and grabbed his hand. The man pulled him close and gave him a hug. As they pulled apart, Sam said, “Go get your crazy ass boyfriend, okay? I’ll cover for you. ‘Bucky is on Zemo’s tail’ or some shit. Give me a call once you’re safe. I’ll get a lead on Karli.”

“Thank you, Sam,” he whispered, choking up a little. “But please, for the love of God, don’t call him my boyfriend. That sounded weird as fuck and you know it.”

Sam laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Oh, well, now how can I call him anything else? 

Bucky rolled his eyes and turned away with a wave and an, “I’ll see you soon, Sam.”

As he walked away, the man yelled after him, “Be safe, Buck!” He just waved his hand to dismiss the notion that he was ever not safe. Who did he think he was? Even the Soldier made a noise of disbelief.

Their stomach was squirming with anticipation and longing. It was time to catch a ride to Sokovia, Zemo was waiting.

Chapter Text

Zemo would have arrived in Sokovia ahead of him by a few hours, but he knew where to find him. It was the early hours of the dawn as he headed out to find him.

He was exactly where Bucky knew he would be: standing at the memorial to the people who lost their lives in Ultron's attack. In truth, Sokovia was no longer a country. It had dissolved in the years after Ultron. HYDRA had done the damage but Ultron dealt the death blow. 

He could sense that the Soldier didn’t totally understand the situation, so he promised him he would explain at some point. Bucky gave him a heads up that this was a solemn place for Zemo.

Approaching slowly, he let them snap into sync. Their combined eagerness was almost too much to bear, but they both wanted to be there to reunite with him. 

“Hello, дорогой,” Zemo murmured as he turned to look at him fondly. “I know it’s only been a handful of hours, but I missed you.”

He rushed forward and pulled Zemo into a kiss. The other man pushed close and they dissolved into rapid, desperate kisses like they couldn’t get enough. And, really, he couldn’t. It had only been hours but he needed this like he needed air. Hell, he needed more.

He had missed his handler so much. Even being separated for such a short time left him aching to be with him. He and James did best when they were near him. 

“Come, дорогой,” Zemo whispered against his lips. “I still have a home here. I’d like to have a chance to settle down and breathe for a few days. I saw the news of Walker. We’ll have much to discuss, but we’re due for a break.”

The last few days had been intense, beautiful, terrifying, and overwhelming. All he wanted to do now was go curl up next to Zemo and sleep. Or maybe get him into bed to get his hands back on him. He wasn’t picky. 

Zemo had a car waiting off in the distance that took him to his home. It turned out to be deeper in the Sokovian mountains, through a forest, and well away from any civilization. That was good. It meant if the Dora Milaje showed up, they wouldn’t know where to even start looking. 

The house was modest but beautiful. A rustic country home from the outside and Zemo’s usual lavish tastes on the inside. 

“A small getaway I bought for me and my wife,” Zemo explained as they entered. “For when we wanted some privacy. We didn’t get the opportunity to visit often after our son was born, but he had always planned to eventually retire here. Our family home was just outside of the city in the country.”

“What was she like?” he asked softly. His handler spoke of his wife from time to time, but never in-depth. He was curious to know if she was anything like him or if his handler had varied tastes. 

“Stoic,” his handler said quietly. “Regal. A perfect Baroness, to be honest. Sokovian royalty was more a point of being a figurehead than an actively ruling government entity, but our people still knew us. Many, many people loved her.”

He felt his heart give a sad twinge. His handler’s wife sounded nothing like him. It shouldn’t make him sad, but he wished he could be so perfect for his handler as it sounded his wife had been.

His handler looked out the window and continued, “When I was young, they loved my father and mother. By the time my mother was dead, HYDRA had already poisoned them into rebellion. I joined EKO Scorpion to resist HYDRA and show that I wasn’t willing to hide behind my status. But the rebel faction hated me for it. They still loved my wife, though, because she went out of her way to care for the children of the city. She would spend mountains of our money to bring them toys, clothes, food, water, medicines… She was-- The good in me, I used to think. Now I just think she was a purely good person. Not unlike your Steve Rogers.”

“Used to?” Bucky questioned, carefully. He was also hanging on to the story’s every word.

The other man shot him a soft smile and said, “I have somehow found something good remaining in my heart and given it to you, дорогой.”

The resulting wave of desire nearly knocked the breath of him and the usual automatic correction did nothing to dampen it. 

Zemo must have seen it in his eyes because Bucky watched as his own dilated and his face grew intensely lustful. The man walked close again and put his hand on Bucky’s cheek to start petting him. 

“Дорогой, I offer you a choice,” Zemo whispered, his voice getting rougher by the moment. “We can either talk first and reconnect after or we can reconnect now and potentially ruin our pillow-talk.”

“Or,” Bucky breathed as he pressed himself against Zemo. “We could fuck now, pillow-talk after, and talk tomorrow.”

Zemo pulled him in for a deep, slow kiss that left Bucky’s brain singing with the rush of oxytocin that followed. Touch was the one natural form of happiness they didn’t, or couldn’t, train him out of so instead they just robbed him of touch regularly. He was very grateful for that now. It meant he could still enjoy this without a panic attack.

“You said ‘fuck’, didn’t you, дорогой?” Zemo purred causing both of his consciousnesses to blur with need. “Are you telling me you consent, James?”

“Oh yes, I really do,” he gasped as Zemo backed him up against a wall to press them further together. It’s incredible how hard he was already and they hadn’t even started. 

“And you, солдат?” his handler whispered. “Do you also consent?”

“Please, sir,” he begged and pressed his hips forward to seek some friction. “I consent, sir. Please take care of us. We need you.”

His handler began to undress him slowly. Very slowly. His handler was taking his time with every buckle and zip. He suddenly wished his clothes had less ornate closings. Still, he moved to help. His handler made a noise and carefully grabbed his hand to push it back down to his side.

“Allow me,” his handler said smoothly with a seductive smirk. “It will give us time to discuss what’s ahead of us.”

He nodded vigorously and tried to stay still. He and James were already ready to start squirming at any moment. 

“I am going to ask you both several questions,” his handler clarified with a quick serious look in his eyes before it melted back to lust. “I want truthful answers from both of you. If you disagree on any answer, you may discuss things with each other, but you must not agree to something you are uncomfortable with. This will be tainted if we are not certain of everyone’s pleasure.”

Bucky wanted to drop to his knees on the spot and get Zemo in his mouth until the man was screaming. He was so fucking in love with this man that his eyes prickled at the realization. The Soldier’s programming caused the usual violent flash of pain associated with love, but he was getting used to it at this point. Like the Soldier said once, it’s how he knew it was real.

No, no, he thought, I am not going to fucking cry until at least after the first round.

Still, he gasped out a quick, heartfelt, “Thank you. Thank you for making sure.”

Zemo’s eyes grew intense again as he said, “You are the most precious thing I have in the entire world. I want this to be perfect for you, дорогой. You deserve this to be perfect. I will not be another dark point in your memories.”

His handler was so good to them. He and James were so well taken care of and it felt so good. He made a noise of complete contentment.

“Now, дорогой, do you have anything you are not willing to do? Or would prefer not to do? Assume, for the moment, we’re discussing very tame sex. I think it would be best, unless you have strong preferences, to keep this mostly, ah, ‘vanilla’,” his handler asked as he continued to slowly unbuckle straps of his combat gear. 

Why hadn’t he changed prior to finding him? Because it would have taken even a few extra minutes away from his handler and it didn’t seem important at the time.

“I consent to everything, sir,” he answered quickly. He truly had no preferences. His knowledge of sex was all wrong anyway; considering it was all at the hands of HYDRA. It would be up to James to lay down any necessary ground rules. 

“I--I don’t know,” Bucky mused afterward. “I haven’t done this in so long… I--Well I have never been with a man. Маленький has and I technically remember it, but it wasn’t me. I don’t think there’s anything I’m afraid of…? No--Wait--I don’t want to be choked.”

Bucky blushed the color of a fire engine at just the thought. He even groaned miserably and tried to hide his face but the Soldier had their hands so he just ended up looking down.

Zemo leaned in and kissed him intensely before pulling back and saying, “Then I will not choke you, James. Very, very good. Thank you.” 

He experienced a wonderful flash of pleasure at his handler’s praise but it was quickly drowned out by dread coming from James.

“The cryostasis felt like drowning,” Bucky explained even though Zemo hadn’t asked. “So you can’t--You stop being able to breathe before your brain stops thinking. It always scared me.”

“I also withdraw my consent to choking, sir,” he whimpered. “James is correct. Not being able to breathe frightens me.”

Several HYDRA agents had choked him in the past. He hadn’t even thought of it. He remembered now how much it terrified him, but he hadn’t been allowed to react. The thoughts caused his arousal to diminish.

His handler stopped undressing him and started kissing him again. Then he pulled back and pressed kisses all over his face. He whimpered again and soaked up the attention. His arousal was renewed by it and he banished the bad thoughts. 

“So very good, дорогой,” his handler praised. “You’re both doing so good. I appreciate your trust. Please think of anything else that frightens you and tell me.”

“Please, sir, do not strike me,” he begged, with his eyes starting to water and sting at the sheer thought of demanding something of his handler. But this was an order and his handler was kind. Which, of course, made him feel more love and more pain, but he welcomed both.

“And don’t tie me up,” Bucky added. “I’m not necessarily afraid, but it reminds me of being strapped down. I’d need to work up to it.”

“Also, sir, please do not use cruel words,” he requested timidly. The list was growing quite long. He felt so presumptuous. 

“Dirty talk?” James asked. 

He wasn’t sure exactly, so he clarified, “HYDRA agents used to insult me and, though the words meant nothing, I don’t want our handler to see me that way.”

Bucky nodded and said, “That makes sense. Yeah, no dirty talk then. We prefer praise anyway.”

They were both quiet for a long time before Zemo said, “Thank you both very much. You’ve done so well already. If you think of anything else, please do not hesitate to tell me. Much of what you requested falls in line with things I would not have attempted without a request anyway, but keeping me informed will be good for all of us.”

Their shirt finally came off and his handler’s hands ran all over his chest. His body buzzed with desire strong enough to make the pain in his head feel like pinpricks. 

“Do you have anything you don’t want us to do, sir?” he asked shyly.

His handler smirked at him and pressed another quick kiss to his lips. “No, дорогой. I am quite… open. Were you enthusiastic for it, you could convince me to do almost anything at least once. My only desire to make sure that you are comfortable and safe.”

“Do either of you have a preference on control?” his handler asked as he took his face into his hands. “And, allow me to be clear, дорогой, I mean who is fucking and who is getting fucked. I do not mean who is in control between the two of you. I will not dictate how you divvy up control among yourselves, though I suppose I have a preference for you to both be present.”

“We’ll both be there,” Bucky assured. “And I-- I think I’d prefer it if you topped. Unless маленький would prefer it the other way. I’m open to either, but… super-soldier, y’know? I’m nervous about hurting you. And I think I’d just… like to be taken care of tonight. If--If that’s okay?”

He nodded and echoed, “I am in agreement with James, sir.”

Zemo liked that idea, Bucky could tell, his eyes went nearly black from lust which caused a kick of it in him as well. 

“Happily, дорогой,” Zemo agreed huskily. “Are you ready to begin?”

Bucky wasted absolutely no time in beginning to get Zemo naked. Luckily, the other man dressed more sensibly. The coat had been taken off when they got inside and the turtleneck was off in a single pull. His belt came off a second later, though Bucky was careful not to break it with his strength as he tugged it out of the loops of his pants. Those were gone a second after that along with his underwear. 

Zemo removed Bucky’s belt and shoved his jeans down as well and then they were naked and pressed tightly against one another as their mouths met urgently. 

The other man pulled back just enough to drag him quickly into a bedroom. His stomach got a jolt of need at the sight of the bed. It was huge and the sheets looked positively silken. They had been on the bed briefly before in Latvia but not naked in it. And it felt like forever since the last time they slept in each other’s arms. He was looking forward to everything this entailed. 

“If at any point you think of something you want me to do, дорогой, you will tell me instantly. That is an order for both of you,” Zemo said smugly as he pulled him down to the bed. 

Bucky carefully angled them on their way down so he landed beside Zemo and not on top of him and rolled onto his back. Zemo, the smart man that he was, was straddling him in milliseconds. 

He raised up on his forearms to reach his handler’s mouth and received a positively messy kiss for his effort. His handler broke it slightly and pressed their foreheads together while saying, “Run a reward protocol, дорогой.”

He fell back against the bed groaning as the blinding kick of pleasure hit him. His cock throbbed so he pressed his hips up into his handler’s. He received a mirrored thrust from above and he moaned loudly as their cocks slid against one another. 

Zemo leaned over to the bedside and grabbed a bottle from the bedside drawer. He uncapped it and liberally poured some lube into his hand to slick both of their cocks. Bucky immediately realized he really hadn’t had sex since the 40s because not a single HYDRA agent had ever put their hand on his cock. Zemo had given him a handjob in the shower, but something about the fact that he was getting lube involved for pleasure immediately was just so attractive.

God, he thought, he had a low bar for good but he loved Zemo anyway.

His handler threw the bottle down next to them and went back to kissing him while their hips rubbed against one another in tandem. It was a slow, hot slide and it felt so intense. 

Then after a moment of agonizingly pleasurable rubbing, his handler reached over to grab his hand and lace their fingers together as he pressed his hand into the bed next to his head. He pulled back to ask, “Is this too close to restraining you?”

“No, this is fine,” Bucky panted and leaned up to start kissing at Zemo’s throat.

Zemo moved between Bucky’s legs and pulled one of them up around his hip. Bucky threw his head back and hissed in pleasure as the slight angle change did so much for how forcefully Zemo could thrust. He angled his hips up in small jerky movements. 

“Look at how beautiful you are, дорогой,” Zemo purred, causing his brain to start sparking. “You’re positively dripping for me.”

Holy fuck. 

Heat exploded in his gut and his mind was spiraling so hard again that he couldn’t tell who was who in his head. It didn’t matter, they were after the same goal. 

“Do you like this, дорогой?” Zemo asked as he rocked them together. “Does it feel good? Am I tending your needs? You’re so perfect. How blessed I must be to have someone as perfect as you in my arms. Run another reward protocol.”

His head threw back again and he screamed in pleasure. 

“Дорогой,” Zemo groaned and his hips stuttered in their rhythm. “Yes, please. For the love of God, please make all the noise you need.”

He wasn’t just making noise, his hand was also ripping the sheets with his vibranium hand as it tore them like tissue paper. He would owe the man an entirely new bed if he used that protocol much more. Still, this was better than crushing Zemo’s hand where it was laced with his other hand. He forcibly kept that one restrained even as it gripped Zemo’s tightly. 

“More,” he hissed. “We need more, please, sir.”

Zemo leaned back and grabbed a pillow to place under his hips as he grabbed the bottle of lube again. He could see his hands shaking as he uncapped it and coated his fingers. 

No one used lube with him at all beyond a quick swipe of it over their own cocks to reduce friction, he realized. That’s why it was such a turn-on. 

He reached his hand up to his mouth to bite his finger as his mind melted with lust and love. 

“Please,” he begged. 

“Shh, дорогой,” Zemo hushed as he set about stretching him out. His hand was still shaking and he was clearly trying to take his time. 

He reached up and touched Zemo’s face to draw his attention. He looked at him and his eyes were blown so wide they were black and a little frantic. His handler wanted him so badly. 

For one, dangerous second, he thought he was going to come from just that thought. His eyes closed and opened as he resisted the urge. 

“Pl-please,” he gasped. “Faster. Super-soldier. We’ll be fine. Really cannot wait.”

Zemo breathed a shaky breath and said, “Thank you, дорогой. I also, as it turns out, really cannot wait.”

The other grabbed the lube one last time and got them both very, very slick. His handler had shown so much care and consideration that he had to fight the need to finish again. His own thoughts and feelings were enough to end things right there. Dangerous, because if he did, he wasn’t sure if his handler would continue. 

His automatic corrections were not running, he realized. Then he also realized that he couldn’t tell who he was. It was like the first time. He was a ‘they’ but both James and the Soldier were still there. That was good, he was glad he could still tell they were separate. He never wanted to merge permanently though this was probably the closest he’d ever come to being ‘whole’. It still felt good to be so completely gone that they were one person. And quite nice that it seemed his brain chose to ignore his programming in this state as it did for James. 

Then his handler slid inside him and his thoughts went blank anyway. It was perfect. Just like he’d said it would be. 

They were one. 

Zemo pressed forward until their bodies were flush together and was clenching his jaw so tightly that he could see the strain in it. “Дорогой, you are very good.”

He didn’t receive the usual kick of pleasure praise brought, probably for the same reason the pain had stopped running, but it didn’t matter. The initial reward protocols were still buzzing in his head so he moaned at the praise anyway. 

“Ты мой единственный,” he cried out as Zemo began to thrust into him slowly. Their hips were barely just rocking at this point, but just the friction and the idea of being joined was so much. 

“As you are to me,” Zemo panted as he leaned down to kiss him. The man lifted his hips slightly higher and angled enough to begin delivering solid hits to his prostate. 

It was so much. His vibranium hand went back to ripping in the sheets to shreds. Zemo grabbed the lube one last time and squirted it into his hand before reaching down between them to stroke his cock in time to his thrusts. 

“Run a reward protocol, дорогой”, his handler commanded breathily. “I’m not going to last long. And I refuse to finish until you do.”

He shook his head slightly and screwed his eyes up tight from the onslaught of pleasure. “Can’t, sir. Merged. Wait--”

He focused as much as he was capable and managed to wrest back autonomy as himself. 

“Again, sir,” he gasped. 

“Run a reward protocol, please,” his handler hissed through his pleasure. 

His mind flashed with violent pleasure and he dissolved back into James to make one again. They screamed again in tormented pleasure as they came instantly. 

His handler’s hips stuttered again before thrusting deep and finishing himself with a cry of, “Дорогой.”

Zemo collapsed on top of him and he whimpered at the residual pleasure as his cock was brushed again. 

“I love you, sir,” he panted as they soaked up the remnants of their orgasms. “I love you very much.”

His handler pulled out and rolled to the side to fall beside him. He was pulled into an embrace and he went readily into it. Zemo rested his head on a pillow and pulled him onto his chest. He twisted over to throw a leg over his handler’s and put his right arm over his torso. He wanted them touching at every point of contact he could find. 

“I love you too, дорогой,” Zemo said as he tried to catch his breath. He reached down and laced their hands back together. “Thank you for letting me be the one to do so.”

He chuckled, exhausted, and said, “Who else is there? You act like you’re the lucky one here. We’re the guy who just had a threesome with himself and his lover.”

“Does it feel that way?” the other man asked curiously.

“No, not really, sir,” he admitted. “It’s pretty intense but it’s not like we’re fucking in our head or anything. We’re both pretty focused on you. But we are a we right now. I couldn’t even tell you where the Soldier ends and James begins.”

Zemo hummed and pointed out, “You called yourself ‘James’ still. You also called солдат ‘маленький‘ before. I was going to comment on it, but the matter at hand had my full attention.”

He pondered it for a moment before answering, “We are both fine thinking of ‘James’ as ‘James’, sir. You call him that and the Soldier calls him that. He generally thinks of himself as ‘Bucky’ though, when he is himself. James called the Soldier ‘маленький’ because it would be awkward to talk about him as ‘the Soldier’ all the time and he has no name.”

“Does he want a name?” Zemo asked with another note of curiosity in his voice.

“No, we’re both fine thinking of him as ‘маленький’ or ‘the Soldier’, sir. He doesn’t apply a name to himself in his thoughts,” he said with a shrug. “It’s kind of a mess up here, but we’re pretty happy with how it’s working. We’ve become very close and attached to one another. We’re getting very good at communicating.”

His handler started combing his fingers to his hair and he let out a purr of contentment. 

“I’m very glad you’re happy, дорогой. I would do a great many things to keep you happy always,” Zemo whispered. “I did not believe I would ever be happy again after the death of my wife and son, but here you are... I owe King T’Challa my life. If not for him, I would have given up.”

He took his handler’s other hand and brought it to his lips to kiss his knuckles gently. “We didn’t think we would ever be happy again either, sir. You’ve given us everything back. We truly, truly feel in control again. We truly feel whole again. We owe you everything.”

Zemo rolled over and pulled them flush again to press his forehead to his and stare into his eyes. “You make me want to give up all my carefully laid plans, дорогой. Say the word and we will run away like you wanted. I want to complete my mission, but not at your expense.”

“Our mission, sir,” he corrected with a smile. “We are in need of a new code. We’d like to propose some changes to the mission, but otherwise, we would like to help you complete it. You balked at running away and we’ve realized it’s not for us either.”

“Anything, дорогой,” Zemo breathed earnestly. “You hold my very heart in your hands, дорогой. I am a puppet on your strings just as much, if not more, than you are one on mine.”

“Mm, you make a strange handler, sir,” he whispered back sweetly. “But we can discuss that tomorrow. We promised not to ruin the pillow-talk. Can we discuss round two, instead?”

His handler laughed, bright and happy, and rolled back over on top of him with a smirk. He took their interlaced hand and pressed it back to the bed. “I am happy to comply, дорогой.”

Chapter Text

They were a panting mess of sweat and pheromones by the time they were done and he had never in his life had better sex. No lover he’d had in the 40s could even come close to this. Zemo was insatiable once riled up and his serum meant he could match the man on every round. 

He gave a weak moan as they separated again, his handler pulling free of his over-sensitive body, and asked, “Are you always like this, sir?”

“Mm, yes, дорогой. But, I will admit that my time in prison may have exacerbated my hunger,” Zemo responded with a tired laugh. “Fear not. I believe I’m spent now.”

“What do you mean? I could do this forever, sir,” he said with a breathless chuckle of his own.

“Shall we shower then, дорогой? It’s about time we find something to eat. I’ll also need to change the sheets or we’ll be sleeping on tatters tonight from what you’ve done in the throes of passion.” 

The other man was right. He had torn the sheets to shreds and they were already tangled in the pieces. It left him feeling satisfied to the core at the knowledge that his handler could do this to him. That he could be taken to pieces by the one he loved so easily. 

He sat up and nodded. They did need a shower. They were covered in semen and lubricant. 

Bucky resumed main control as the Soldier slid back into their minds to curl up like a sleepy cat. He figured the other was just a little bit overwhelmed by all the pleasure and intensity. He didn’t mind taking care of them from there and it gave him a chance to mentally stretch out his consciousness a bit. It wasn’t uncomfortable when they were sharing, but it had started to get a little cramped in some strange way.

Zemo’s shower was fancier than the one in Riga; all black slate and places for water to come from every angle. Between this and Riga, he was beginning to think Zemo spent way too much money on his bathrooms. 

They washed off together but refrained from any more sex. Bucky was frankly exhausted and the chance to just cling to Zemo and enjoy his warmth was more exciting than trying to go for yet another round. 

Tomorrow, he thought and grinned. 

They had a tomorrow. As long as the Dora Milaje didn’t have trackers on them or develop the ability to tell the future, they were safe here. It made this house very appealing. It was just theirs. Or, rather, Zemo’s but he didn’t think the man would fault him for including himself in the calculation.

“Why so happy, James?” Zemo purred as he continued to run a washcloth over their bodies. “Besides the obvious.”

“It always blows my mind that you can tell instantly who I am when you look at me,” he mused softly as he put his head on Zemo’s shoulder. Bucky was just going to have to accept he was a cuddly guy at this point. “I was thinking about the fact that, as far as I know, the world doesn’t end tomorrow.”

Zemo hummed and continued to wash him. “That is a comfort. I’d be disappointed if it did. I am looking forward to a repeat performance out of you. I have at least three more sets of sheets for you to destroy.”

He laughed again. It came so easy with Zemo when they were alone. “I’m up to the challenge. From the look of this shower, you can afford to replace them.”

“That I can,” Zemo agreed. “How is our маленький? Tired?”

Bucky pressed a kiss to Zemo’s collarbone and purred, “Exhausted. Neither of us have ever really had something like this, but he’s less equipped to handle feeling this good for this long. He’s resting in the corner of our mind.”

The other man faced him properly and pressed their foreheads together. “And my James, how is he?” 

“Deliriously in love,” he said with another breathy laugh. “Feeling really great. Also exhausted. A little overwhelmed, but in a good way. Glad he’s no longer a pile of dust.”

Zemo nodded. “I survived the Blip, but it was neither here nor there. I was still in prison. I had heard you were caught in it, however. They announced the dead Avengers and you were among the count. I was disappointed to hear of your death.”

Bucky smirked at him and parroted, “Disappointed, huh?”

It was just a light tease and Zemo thankfully took it as such as he smirked back and said, “Oh, forgive me, heartbroken .”

They kissed again and when they parted Zemo was still holding his face in his hands to look deeply into his eyes. 

“You are delightful when you’re happy, James,” the man said sweetly. “I like you in all shades, but knowing I’ve been able to make you this happy brings me true joy. Your life has been too hard for you to be denied this.”

“This is probably as close as anyone has ever come to knowing Bucky Barnes,” he said with a shrug. “You call me James, and I think that’s actually more accurate these days. Bucky was some dumb kid from Brooklyn who thought he was going to save the world from the Nazis.”

The thought troubled him a little, but Bucky was ready to start handling it. He knew that he could unpack his heart right that moment and Zemo would be ready to catch him before he fell. It was time to actually start sharing. 

Now I can really gloat to my therapist, he thought. 

Zemo wasn’t clueless. He realized that may be the case and asked, “Do you want to talk about it, James? I could make us dinner while we talk.”

He nodded and gave the man another kiss. Zemo caught the kiss and made it achingly tender. By the time they broke apart, Bucky’s voice was a little shaky as he said, “Yeah, I think I do. We’ll call it extended pillow-talk.”

After a pause, he added, “Hey at least I beat my goal. I didn’t want to cry while we were still fucking. Now it’s all fair game.”

Zemo led them out to the shower to towel off as he spoke, “James, it will always be fair game. I was fully prepared that we’d start and you would find you weren’t actually ready for sex. If that had been the case, we would have stopped and spent the time helping you feel better. At the same time, it doesn’t all need to come at once. I would guess we both have quite a lot of healing to do between us.”

Bucky looked at himself in the mirror as they got dry and met his own eyes. The look in them wasn’t the same he remembered. For years, he thought he was seeing the Winter Soldier looking back at him, but he was ready to accept it had just been himself. The screaming. It wasn’t the Soldier, it was him. And now, finally, he wasn’t screaming anymore. 

He had been falling from the moment he lost grip on that train and this was him finally finding the bottom to start climbing back up. 

“I need this,” he said simply. “I’m ready to need this.”

Zemo wrapped his arms around him and Bucky fell back against him.

“I’m honored,” he murmured into Bucky’s ear. “Honored to be the one to give you what you need.” He pressed a kiss to the side of Bucky’s cheek and led them out to the bedroom again. 

They got dressed in just a set of fleece sweatpants each and made their way to the kitchen. Zemo hadn’t given them shirts, so he took the hint that the man just wanted to be able to stare. Bucky knew he wasn’t bad-looking and this bought him a chance to stare in return, so he could be generous. 

No underwear either, he noted with amusement, just in case he needs me naked quick.

“Go on, James, talk freely,” Zemo urged as he set about making some meal. The cabinets had what looked to be fresh food, unlike the shelf-stable stuff they had in Riga. “Ah, Oeznik kindly got us some food. He must have delivered it while we were… preoccupied.”

Bucky gaped at him in horror and asked, “Are you fucking telling me he was in this house while I was screaming your name?”

Zemo shot him a self-assured, smug look and shrugged. “More than likely. He’s paid very well, James. Don’t fret. He will never mention it.”

“What the fuck,” he muttered to himself.

Trying to focus, he couldn’t be quite sure what he wanted to share first. There was just so much. It felt like a fruitless endeavor to even begin trying to unpack everything. They would be there a month before he was even through the 60s. 

“Tell me about Bucky Barnes,” Zemo requested as he turned back to the food. “What was he like?”

Bucky smiled softly to himself. The man read him like a fucking book. He beckoned the Soldier closer to the surface and let him listen in. His other half came close but stayed happily curled up rather than taking any control. His presence felt warm and content in his mind.

“I was a cocky kid back then,” he started. “Steve and I grew up poor in Brooklyn so we were always getting into scraps with other boys. He was a tiny kid. Always sick and always in over his head. I was tall, handsome, strong--”

“Do not forget ‘modest’, James,” the other man offered with another quick look and smirk. 

“Fuck off,” Bucky snapped playfully with a grin of his own. “Don’t interrupt, Zemo. It’s rude. Where was I? Oh, yeah: and athletic. So I was always sticking up for Steve and getting him out of tight spots. But that’s what made me perfect for war when it broke out. I enlisted immediately. Steve tried too but he wasn’t cut out for it-- Before the serum, that is.”

“I remember how upset he looked when he found out I was shipping out,” he continued, voice dropping a few octaves as he started to get deeper into the story. “I was so proud to be going to war. I told everyone who would listen that I was ‘Sergeant James Barnes’. I dropped the name Bucky back then too because it sounded unprofessional .’Sergeant James Barnes’ sounded like a hero.”

“War-- uh, didn’t turn out as great as I expected,” he finished with a hard swallow. 

The smell of the dead, the narrow trenches, the way they flooded in the rain. His feet never being dry. The cracks of gunshots in the middle of the night waking you up in terror. Waking up next to a guy who was alive when you went to sleep and dead when you woke. 

“I was glad… I was glad Steve wasn’t there. All I could think about during that time was that he was safe at home. My sister was safe at home with my parents. They were all going to be safe because we were going to win for them,” he carried on after a moment. 

Bucky fixed his eyes on a point, a salt shaker in this case, and let his vision narrow in on it until it was the only thing in the room to him. It helped ground him. The Soldier brushed against his consciousness to help comfort him. 

“Then they sent me to Italy,” he said, voice dropping to a whisper. “Azzano. They-- The Nazis had something new there. Better tanks. Never really learned what they were but they were HYDRA technology. They killed most of my regiment and captured the rest of us. A handful escaped, but I was taken prisoner.”

Zemo placed a glass of what looked to be whiskey in front of him and pushed it close. He hadn’t even seen him move, but he whispered, “Thank you. Doesn’t do much though.”

“It’s for the comfort of memory,” Zemo explained gently and returned to cooking. 

Bucky swallowed it all in a single gulp and welcomed the burn in his throat. Zemo was right as usual, because it offered him some false confidence immediately.

“They took us to a lab where Zola was working on a new batch of the serum. They injected dozens of us but--,” Bucky trailed off before finding his voice. “I was the only one to survive. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but I got the one vial of the stuff that wasn’t deadly. Thoughts were that maybe I got the weakest dose of the victims.”

“It was very painful, I imagine?” Zemo asked compassionately. 

Bucky nodded but the man’s back was to him so he said, “Yeah, it was. It was like my whole body was on fire for days. I was in and out of consciousness. I can’t even really remember it right because the pain was so bad it whited out that part of my memory. I just remember it in pieces now.” 

“But then, Steve showed up. This scrawny kid from Brooklyn who could barely throw a punch shows up more than a head taller and looking like a marble statue. Bending metal like he was snapping pieces of spaghetti. He got us out. All of us…”

Bucky zoned back out at the memory. It was… Painful. Hopeful. He could never tell if it had been the happiest moment of his life or one of the worst. All he remembered was waking up in that lab to see Steve, one of the people he was fighting to protect, right there in the midst of the danger. And, after it all, the one who ended up able to save the day. Bucky had been completely useless. 

“We got back to the camp and they all hailed him as a hero,” he whispered. “I said-- I said, ‘Let’s hear it for Captain America’. I was so happy for him. But I knew… I already knew he’d left me behind. And from that moment, all I could do was try to keep up. I ran and I ran… but it was never fast enough.”

“Everyone surrounded him from that day forward. He constantly drew people like moths to the flame. The men worshiped him, the women loved him, the commanders wanted to be him.”

Zemo looked at him and murmured, “You must have felt very alone, James.”

“Yes,” he confirmed in a strangled sob, the tears he’d expected finally showing up. The Soldier finally uncurled from his rest and wrapped himself around Bucky’s thoughts like a blanket. The soft, gentle snowfall in his mind soothed him slightly and also gave him the confidence to keep going.

“He was my friend and I was supposed to protect him. Now, here he was, this fucking god and I was ‘just’ Bucky. I was jealous, but I felt so bad for being jealous. What kind of monster feels jealous when good things happen to their friend?”

“A human one,” Zemo comforted as he stirred whatever he was making. “He wasn’t the same person you left behind at home and it frightened you. On top of that, you had just gone through enough trauma to earn you a trip home if anyone knew. But, if I know you well James, you stayed and stayed quiet because you felt it was your duty to be there.”

He nodded, reaching up to bite his finger as he continued to cry. “But--But I-- I was good at keeping myself going. I followed him back to war. And we s-started winning. But no matter how much we won, they kept getting away. Cut one head off, another two regrow. We didn’t realize what we were up against.”

“I followed him onto that train to get Zola and fell. I remember hanging on with all my strength but the train was just f-falling apart. The piece I had hold of broke off and I-- I fell. I screamed until I ran out of air. Just falling forever. When I hit the ground, it was so hard I didn’t even process the pain. I hit so hard that my arm was ripped off on impact. The serum I received was just strong enough to keep me alive but not strong enough to keep me together,” he explained with a shaky breath and a few muted sobs. 

The Soldier tightened his hold on him and the slight dizziness that came with it made his lips twitch into the shadow of a smile before it fell away back to misery.

“Bucky Barnes died that day,” he finished in a broken whisper. “And he didn’t come back until yesterday in your bedroom in Riga when you saw me laugh for the first time in seventy years.”

Zemo didn’t interrupt, but he moved to set the plates of food in front of them both on the kitchen island. Bucky looked at it and felt himself calm. It looked delicious. He was home. He was safe. He was being taken care of and, most of all, he wasn’t alone.

“They told me I’d be a hero,” Bucky said, laughing bitterly. “When I enlisted, that’s what they said. Look at me now… A former assassin with more kills than anyone on the planet. Oh, I was a hero alright… A hero for HYDRA. But not my sister’s hero. Not my mom or dad’s hero. Not Steve’s hero. Not America’s hero.”

“I was just a tool for them too. One more cog in the machine. We may have been fighting the good fight, but I didn’t matter. I only got a plaque in a museum because I was Steve’s buddy. Thousands of other men died and got no mention at all. While the Winter, fucking, Soldier gets a memorial in the Smithsonian. If that isn’t irony, I don’t know what is,” he trailed off in a mumble as he started to take bites of his food. 

Zemo was watching patiently with soft, gentle, understanding eyes across from him. Bucky met his gaze and felt his own start to soften with love. The Soldier rubbed against him gently in their mind and he smiled again. His other half was as sweet as Zemo.

Thank you, he thought to his Soldier and felt the resulting purr of contentment rumble through their head. More feeling, less sound, but still very clearly happy to help. 

Bucky took a deep breath and kept going, “It’s like-- my entire life revolved around him, y’know? He was my best friend, but I wasn’t even really a person next to him. I was just Steve Roger’s accessory; like that shield. I got to be the real hero’s tragic backstory. I guess I thought back then that I’d count for something but then I ended up a footnote in someone else’s story.”

“Now he’s gone and I’m just-- No, I was aimless. I’m a follower, Zemo. I’ve always been a follower ever since Steve got me out of that lab. Maybe even before that because I was always following Steve into fights to bail him out. When it was all over, after Thanos, I realized that and I was ashamed. The mental image of ‘Bucky Barnes’ the streetwise, sassy kid from Brooklyn fell apart under even a little scrutiny. I felt like I wasn’t the Winter Soldier but I also wasn’t me either.”

“I just do what I’m told. ‘Here son, take this gun, and go fight.’ ‘Here Buck, follow me onto this train.’ ‘Here Солдат, go kill this target.’ Over and over for my entire life. And I’ve lived a long life. Now I’m staring down another seventy years? I need to find what I believe in. What does Bucky want to fight for?”

He looked back up at Zemo, reached out to lace their fingers back together, and whispered, “What I want… is to fight for you. Please let me be a hero for you. Just for a single time in my life, I want to be someone’s hero.”

Zemo lifted their hands to his lips and kissed them. “James, you’re my entire world.”

Chapter Text

Bucky was learning all sorts of things about himself lately. When they finished their food, Zemo pulled him along to sit on the plush couch in the living room and started a fire in the fireplace. An open bottle of wine and half a dozen slow, passionate kisses later and Bucky was suddenly fully aware he was a huge fan of romance.

He flopped his head back into Zemo’s lap as they lounged and said, “If you had told twenty-year-old me that I’d be lying around with my male lover, getting wined and dined, and crying my eyes out over dinner… Well, I probably would have punched you.”

Zemo’s hands worked their way through his hair and he closed his eyes in contentment. The Soldier was back to curled up in their mind and radiating warmth from within. 

“Not one for romantic gestures in your youth, James?” Zemo asked with a teasing edge. 

Bucky laughed lightly and agreed, “Not really. The plan was to see how quick I could get her naked. My strike rate was pretty high. I was at 100% for a while once I got my uniform before shipping out. ‘Sergeant James Barnes’ had a fun two weeks that year. They loved the uniform.”

“Do you miss being with women?” The tone was curious and careful, but Zemo didn’t need to be. Bucky had expected this question to come up eventually. Still, he appreciated the careful navigation.

“Again, not really. If I felt more like myself the way I was in the 40s, I probably would. But I’m so far removed from that life that I can’t even process it. My life more or less started on that Insight Helicarrier when I woke up. Or started waking up, I guess.”

He paused for a moment and reevaluated the question before adding, “If you’re asking if I have a preference, no. It wouldn’t have mattered if you were a woman. It’s not that I prefer men or women. I’ve been with so many men at this point and forced to somewhat enjoy it that my head is all muddled anyway. I think I’m just at a point where I’m attracted to what you do for me and the way you treat me.”

Zemo made a hum of agreement and continued to pet him. He stretched out and pressed closer. 

His eyes snapped open and he quickly said, “Not-- Not to say I don’t find you physically attractive. Like, I just want to be clear here, I am very attracted to all of you.”

It was Zemo’s turn to laugh as he leaned down to kiss Bucky’s forehead. “I didn’t even consider it, James. Relax.”

He settled back down and closed his eyes again. “What about you?” 

“Oh I have always been attracted to men and women,” the other man explained. “As I said earlier, I am very open. You may have noticed from my home that I deny myself very little.”

“You don’t say…,” he murmured with playful sarcasm. He was starting to get tired now. It was still early but the day before had been exhausting mentally and today exhausting physically. There was something about exerting himself in bed that took more of a toll than a fight. 

The warmth of the fireplace, Zemo, and the Soldier certainly helped too. The petting was just the icing on the cake as he slid backward into dozing in Zemo’s lap.

When he opened his eyes, he was laying on the couch alone but Zemo wasn’t far. He was putting out the fire that had burned low. Bucky sat up with a brief groan and asked, “How long was I out?”

“An hour or two,” the other man said softly. “I rather enjoyed watching you sleep. You’re exceptionally beautiful when you’re relaxed, James.”

Bucky shot him a slightly heated look but kept it brief in case he accidentally sparked yet more desire out of the man. It takes a lot to make a super-soldier sore, but he was feeling it.

He stood up and stretched. “I don’t think I’ve slept as well as I have with you since my last trip in cryostasis. Normally I wake up to nightmares every night so I just run my body until it’s on empty and then crash. If I get low enough, I manage to sleep through most of a night before they wake me.”

Zemo grabbed his hand again and pulled him along to the bedroom. The sheets had been changed so Zemo had been busy while he was asleep. 

“Let’s rest,” Zemo said in a sweet, hushed voice. “I’d like to wake up beside you tomorrow. The sleep we had on the plane was pleasant, but there’s something about you waking up in my bed.”

Bucky could feel the Soldier want out, so they slid into sync and he removed their sweatpants. Zemo hadn’t mentioned sleeping naked, but Bucky definitely wanted to tonight. And tomorrow. Maybe forever, in fact. The other man smirked and followed suit quickly.

“Hello, sir. How was your evening?” he asked, drowsily. He had been sleeping in their mind until James woke but it wasn’t the sort of sleep that left one rested. He was as tired as James felt. 

“We had a very pleasant night, маленький,” his handler answered sweetly. “Did you rest well?”

“Yes, sir,” he confirmed as he allowed himself to be drawn into the bed beside his handler. “I woke to comfort James at a point, but I spent most of the time recovering from our time together.”

His handler wrapped him up in his arms and pulled them close. He went easily and he stretched contently once they were slotted together. He put his leg between his handler’s and allowed them to tangle. 

His handler gave him an assessing look. “Do you need a reward protocol, дорогой? It’s been many hours now.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Bucky answered with a half shrug. “I’m not buzzing with it anymore but I’m not unhappy either. You’ve been touching me all day, so I’m getting something from that. I’ll let маленький make the final call on that though.”

“No, sir. I still feel good,” he said in agreement with James. 

His handler smiled and leaned in to give him some soft kisses. They made his stomach flutter and a few corrections ran, but he just ignored them. He had no behavior to correct.

“Zemo,” Bucky said tiredly as they broke apart and settled in for sleep. “We need to find a way to break the correction programming for маленький. It’s giving both of us a headache. It’s possible to ignore, but we should try to do something about it.”

His handler’s eyes brightened briefly in realization. “They’re always running, aren’t they? Why didn’t you mention this before?”

“Not always,” Bucky responded with a yawn. “Just when we’re all over each other and маленький is in control or we’re in sync. If we’re merged, they don’t. They’re really not that bad. It’s the one he gets when he feels love for you that really sucks, but even that is starting to get drowned out.”

“I’m sorry, дорогой,” Zemo whispered against his skin. “The fact that something that is supposed to be good causes you pain is-- distressing. If I could get my hands on every HYDRA to ever live, I’d kill every single one for you. We’ll fix this.”

He made a noise of agreement and put his face against Zemo’s neck. The Soldier pressed a kiss to the skin there and nuzzled them closer. He fell asleep feeling safe and loved within minutes.

And if falling asleep was blissful, waking up the next morning felt luxurious. It was still pre-dawn, but that didn’t surprise him. Bucky rarely ever slept a full eight hours and he had already napped in the evening before. Zemo was wrapped around him and had his face buried in Bucky’s hair. The Soldier was sleeping too. He was wound tight around his consciousness to the point that the whole world felt fuzzy from the fog, but Bucky didn’t mind.

The house was quiet and still, so he could focus on Zemo’s heart beating along with his own. They were just out of sync; Zemo’s a hair faster and Bucky’s chasing just behind it. 

The Soldier woke up and slid in next to him and he welcomed him by curling his hand inward and brushing his fingertips against his palm. The hand repeated the motion and he knew the Soldier was saying hello in return. 

He remained exactly where he was, not moving a muscle, for the next few hours while Zemo got much-needed sleep. He still had the bruise from where Walker hit him with the shield peeking out from his hair and Bucky wanted to kiss it but he risked waking the man. 

Zemo woke up much earlier than he expected; just before the sun came up. 

Once a soldier, always a soldier, he thought and smiled.

Seeing his handler wake was beautiful. He was glad he had woken up before so he could witness it. His eyes were unfocused and his expression relaxed. He could stare for a lifetime and never get tired of it. 

“Good morning, дорогой,” his handler muttered sleepily. “Did you sleep well?”

Bucky stared back at him with a lovestruck expression and said, “I slept great. Best I’ve had in years. How about you?”

“Mm, like the dead,” Zemo murmured. “You’re very warm.”

They stayed as they were, just basking, for another half an hour or so as the sun came up. Zemo ran his hands all over Bucky’s sides and back slowly and Bucky took his chance to kiss the bruise Walker left. Then the Soldier started investigating every dip and plane of Zemo’s chest with his fingers. 

“You work together very well, дорогой,” his handler praised sweetly. 

“May I have a reward, sir?” he asked tentatively. He didn’t think his handler would mind, but he was eager to feel as he did yesterday. 

“Of course, дорогой, please run a reward protocol.”

He hummed with pure pleasure and pressed his forehead against his handler’s skin. 

“I want you to try associating being in bed with me or me touching you with that feeling, дорогой,” his handler requested. “It’s my hope that if we establish consistent places where you receive reward protocols, you will eventually begin to train yourself to anticipate it and produce the feeling naturally.”

He nodded. It felt easy to imagine being happy in his handler’s arms, so maybe it would be easy.

“Let’s get some breakfast, дорогой,” his handler advised and sat up with a yawn. “We delayed talking about the mission until today, but we do have things to cover.”

Bucky sat up himself and stretched. “All business, Zemo, really?”

Zemo smirked at him and leaned over to catch a quick kiss. He pulled back and whispered against his lips, “If we’re very fast, дорогой, we could make our plans and spend the rest of the day in bed.”

Bucky groaned at the immediate arousal that blossomed in his stomach. 

“Breakfast first, дорогой,” Zemo admonished as he stood up to pull on his sweatpants again. 

“Killjoy,” he said as he got up too. “Alright, let’s get started because it’s going to be quite the story.”

He sat back down at the kitchen island as Zemo worked on getting them breakfast. Bucky wondered if the man just liked to cook or if he was doing this to take care of him some more. He’d fed him on the plane to Riga and at the apartment too. 

“So, Walker used the serum.” He started with the bad news to just get this part out of the way. Zemo nodded like it was expected and, he supposed with the videos online, he already knew. 

“They killed his partner, Hoskins. Karli did. I was going to kill him but--”

“But you felt a kinship to him,” Zemo speculated.

“Yes, sir,” he answered for Bucky. He failed his mission, technically, so it was best to present a united front to their handler. He hoped Walker found himself a new handler just like his own.

“Like he said, yeah,” Bucky followed. “Walker’s not a bad guy. Kind of a jackass but… He’s just-- They set him up to fail. I guess I sympathize with that. He gave the shield to Sam but they’re going to just obliterate him in the media.”

Zemo frowned. “Believe me, I don’t relish yet another super-soldier. As much as I adore you, дорогой, you were meant to be my only exception. However, I get the sensation you will not appreciate it if I kill him now. How can you be sure he’s not as Karli is?”

“I really wouldn’t appreciate it actually,” Bucky agreed with a sigh. “He needs help but he’s not a monster. He reminds me a lot of myself. I don’t think he’s going to be another Steve, but I don’t think he needs to be another Red Skull either. I can’t tell if he believes in what they tell him or if he just does it because they gave the word. But I’m willing to give you my word that he’s worth letting live.”

“I will agree not to kill him,” Zemo said slowly. “Only on the condition that if he shows signs of megalomania that I will end him. If he gave back the shield… Perhaps there’s something worthwhile in John Walker yet.”

“Thank you, sir,” he said sweetly. 

Bucky responded as well with, “Yeah, thank you. If I’m wrong, then I won’t get in your way. I just couldn’t see him after Hoskins death and kill the guy or let маленький do it.”

The other man took a bite of his food and smirked at some internal joke. Bucky raised another eyebrow at him in question.

“They will say I’m going soft, дорогой.”

Bucky smirked back. “Maybe you’re just looking for leverage.”

Chapter Text

The rest of their day was spent talking, trying to strategize about what to do against Karli, and, eventually, in bed again crying out each other’s names. In the end, it hadn’t been a very productive day, but who was he to complain?

By the third morning, he had been in a state of blissful tranquility for so long that he was starting to forget what it was like to not be happy. 

He laughed, smiled, joked, and loved effortlessly. Both halves of him were so utterly content that the plan to just run away and hide forever was starting to get some appeal. 

Which, is why Zemo’s expression as he read a message that morning on his phone left his stomach dropping out. It wasn’t dire, but it was sad. Melancholy. Resigned.

“What?” he asked urgently. “What is it? Is it Karli?”

“No, дорогой,” Zemo said wistfully. “We have a visitor about to arrive. Oeznik was kind enough to warn us. We should make ourselves presentable. We’ll be entertaining a King.”

Bucky’s head dropped down into his hands with a tortured, “No.”

“Fret not, дорогой… We’ll endure. Let’s prepare to throw ourselves upon King T’Challa’s good graces for the moment,” the other man consoled as he headed to the bedroom to dress. 

He followed him, with the Soldier shifting anxiously in his head, and blurted, “Let’s run. Let’s get in the car and go.”

Zemo looked at him tenderly and pulled him close. They met in a fevered kiss. Bucky couldn’t risk it. What if this was the last one? He wouldn’t let it be, but he also couldn’t take the risk that it might. So he poured himself into it; wasting precious seconds of their chance to escape.

They broke from the kiss after a long moment. Zemo stroked his cheek slowly as he asked, “And go where? There is no running, дорогой. We both know that. We are more likely to break me back out of prison than run forever. The fact that they found us already means they have access to information we cannot anticipate.”

Bucky had a very sinking feeling he knew what that information was and he had anticipated it, but wanted so, so badly to be wrong. 

For the next ten minutes, he was as tense as a spring wound tight. He expected T’Challa to come bashing down the door or in through a window or from the roof. He was ready for the attack. Zemo, on the other hand, chose to wait patiently on the couch.

Bucky jumped about a mile at the sound of a knock at the door. That might have been the one thing he hadn’t expected. 

Zemo looked at him in amusement as he slid by to open the door for their guest. And, sure enough, T’Challa was there in his full suit minus the helm which was under his arm. 

“Your Highness,” Zemo greeted calmly.

“Mr. Zemo,” T’Challa said in return. “I hear you’ve been foregoing your prison sentence. I’m here to find out why.”

Bucky moved forward quickly, putting himself between the two, and begged, “T’Challa, please. Can we talk about this? Zemo is--”

“James,” the man interrupted smoothly with a raised hand. “Why do you think I am here? Let us talk then.”

He swallowed hard and poured every ounce of control he had into keeping the Soldier calm in his head. This wasn’t something they could solve with violence. Luckily, it felt like his other half was learning that.

Zemo stepped aside and swept his arm out to welcome T’Challa into the house. They moved to sit at the kitchen island and Zemo set about making them a pot of tea.

T’Challa didn’t even bother starting with Zemo. He turned right to Bucky and looked on with an intense but patient stare.”Talk, James.”

“Is there a tracker in my fucking arm?” was the first thing that came out of his mouth. It hadn’t been what he wanted to lead with but it was the only thing he could think until it was answered. T’Challa’s face immediately told him his answer. The other looked regretful.

“Yes, James. I am, however, the only one who can use it. I did not give access to the Dora Milaje when they went to reclaim Mr. Zemo. I trusted that you had your reasons for what you’d done. I apologize for having it put there in the first place,” T’Challa explained and bowed his head in apology.

Bucky felt ill anyway. He couldn’t help but ask, “Why? You didn’t tell me the fucking thing came off and you didn’t tell me you could fucking track me with it. ‘Trusted me’? You never trusted me at all.”

T’Challa had a way of always looking compassionate, honest, and intelligent without looking weak and Bucky had always been jealous of the trait. He could see the artful words forming in the other’s eyes even before he spoke.

“Your programming was very difficult to remove, James,” T’Challa said as he continued to meet his gaze. “Shuri was very confident in her ability to remove it, but I had my doubts. The tracker was installed at my behest so that I could help you should you ever fall into the hands of another who would use you as a weapon. The ability to, ah, disarm you was added to the design so that I’d perhaps have a chance at subduing you without hurting you. I am a confident fighter, James, but I have seen you fight.”

Bucky frowned, feeling miserable, and let him continue. 

“I trusted the secret of how to remove your arm with the Dora Milaje only when I found they were going to need to confront you to collect Mr. Zemo. I was not comfortable sending them into a potential battle with you without the ability to defend themselves if Zemo had managed to activate you again,” the man finished and Zemo passed him a cup of tea. He took a sip with no hesitation and Bucky relaxed slightly. 

Okay, so maybe T’Challa wasn’t lying when he said he trusted them.

“Okay,” Bucky said with a shaky breath. “I broke Zemo out of prison to help us locate a woman named Karli who--”

T’Challa held up another hand politely and said, “I know about all of that, James. I am interested in why you went to such lengths not to return him. If you needed additional time, I would have expected you to escape and continue your mission. Instead, I find you here. And you’ve been here for two days already.”

“I’m in love with him,” he admitted bluntly. “We found a way to make me feel happy again and I can’t live without it. We started a relationship and, I don’t know, it’s-- It’s going pretty good, okay? I know that’s probably insane and not a great reason-- Look, I know what he’s done. I just need him so much, T’Challa.”

“He killed my father, James,” T’Challa responded simply but his eyes were sad. “Our King. What can I do?”

His eyes stung and he threw himself forward again to lean on the island. “Please, please. Don’t do this to me. There’s more to it than this. I’m--”

He realized as he opened his mouth that he shouldn’t admit what he was about to say. If T’Challa knew about the Soldier, he would never be able to believe that Zemo didn’t have control over him. His panic surged and he once again summoned every bit of strength to actively force the Soldier back deep in his mind. He couldn’t even risk them being in sync.

The Soldier was a blizzard but Bucky knew it was out of fear. 

“I’m-- I’m lonely. Steve’s gone. Sam’s on a path somewhere I can’t keep following. All I had for seventy years was HYDRA and even that’s in ashes. I’ve been having nightmares every night for years and finally, I sleep soundly. I can finally look myself in the mirror and see myself looking back,” he continued, finding his voice again. 

“He’s a dangerous man,” T’Challa countered gently. “I do not need to remind you what he did to the Avengers, James. I am not one to question love, but you have chosen a strange partner, my friend. And one that I cannot allow to walk free.”

Bucky whispered hoarsely, “T’Challa I will do anything, please.”

“Would you stay in this house and grow old?” the man asked. “If I allowed him to go free, would you stay here and leave the fight?”

He and Zemo looked at one another. This was it. Their chance on a silver platter. 

And they weren’t going to take it. 

Zemo looked down with a bittersweet smile and admitted, “No, Your Highness. I’m sorry.”

That was his breaking point as he laughed a dark, empty laugh and buried his face in his hands again. The tears started flowing and dripping between his fingers. 

“I did not figure you would,” T’Challa said with a nod. “What is your fight these days, Mr. Zemo? You destroyed the Avengers and now you hunt the Flag-Smashers. I do not understand you.”

“I want to destroy anyone who would seek to rule the world,” Zemo answered with a shrug. “Karli Morgenthau is trying to force the world to its knees. I aim to stop her.”

T’Challa nodded in understanding and grew contemplative. “And after?”

“Everyone else with the same goals. Until I am dead. I thought we might have started with the remnants of HYDRA. If we let it go too long it will regrow its heads. I am motivated in preventing that from happening.”

The man across from them looked down at his tea and took another sip. They lapsed into silence and Bucky felt like he was going to snap like a wire stretched too tight. 

“Tell me, James,” T’Challa started softly. “Tell me he’s changed. I do not want to ruin your happiness and I refuse to live my life drowning in anger against this man. But what you ask of me is against my code as a King. To allow a dangerous man like this free… How can I be sure for the safety of other fathers? Other sons?”

Bucky let out a broken noise; a hopeful noise. “He’s changed, T’Challa. Not-- Not much. But enough. We’re not-- I don’t think we’ll ever be heroes… But that doesn’t mean we’re not looking to do good. The Flag-Smashers are killing innocent people. HYDRA kills innocent people. They make people like me. But he could have killed me and Sam a dozen times over.”

T’Challa looked up at the ceiling with a wistful expression. 

“I have aided and abetted criminals before,” T’Challa said with some amusement. “I sheltered one in Wakanda for several years until he received a pardon. Give me your word, my friend, that you will live honorably. Do not make me regret this, James. I will not give you a second chance.”

He barely got out, “You have my word”, before beginning to break down. 

“Your Highness,” Zemo interjected quietly. “You have my word as well that I will do what I view to be good and that I will not do things without consulting James. And that I will take his opinions into the strongest consideration. However, my methods…”

T’Challa shot Zemo with a look of amused admonishment. “I am doing you the greatest favor and you choose to risk it all by discussing ‘methods’ and twisting my words to suit your nature. You are clearly no liar, Mr. Zemo. Do not tell me your methods. I trust James enough for the both of you. How can I turn a blind eye if you do not leave me blind? I don’t want to know.”

He looked back to Bucky and nodded his head at Zemo, saying, “Keep him in line, my friend.”

“I’ll do my best,” Bucky whispered with a shaky smile. 

T’Challa finished his tea and stood up. “Thank you for the tea, Mr. Zemo. It was delicious. Cherry blossom?”

“Yes, Your Highness. You have an excellent palate,” Zemo confirmed with a smirk and a tilt of his head.

The man moved around the island to clap Bucky on the shoulder and draw him into a hug. Bucky watched his strength but squeezed as tightly as he dared. He owed this man his life twice over now. If T’Challa ever needed him, he would be there in an instant. 

They pulled back and T’Challa gave him a smile as he said, “I’ve brought you a gift, James. I had hoped I’d be able to give it and I’m glad I wasn’t wrong. Please allow me to go get it.”

The second T’Challa was out the door, Bucky was all over Zemo. He pulled the man into a kiss so deep it was like it was trying to sear it into their very souls. He wanted to keep going, lose track of time, and wake back up in Zemo’s bed again. He wanted his chance at a happy ending. Inside, the Soldier could sense that they were out of danger and slowed from a blizzard back to a snowfall. He let the peacefulness seep through his body and mind.

“Ahem,” T’Challa announced from behind them. Bucky pulled back like he’d been burned and turned to face him with a burning face and embarrassed expression. Zemo, to his credit, pulled back smoother with a self-satisfied look. Why the hell was T’Challa so quiet?

The man held a large case in his hand and Bucky knew exactly what it was: A new arm. 

“...T’Challa,” he started, getting a little choked up again. “I trust you. If you’re really the only one with the ability to track me, then it’s fine.”

“My sister made this for you,” T’Challa said teasingly. “Do not make me go back and tell her you did not want it. She will ask why I did not bring your head.”

He opened the case and inside was another arm much the same as the last. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands. It felt and looked the same.

“I warn you, James,” T’Challa said, turning serious for a moment. Then he broke into another smile. “Be careful with it. This one does not come off as easily.”

Bucky nodded because he was momentarily too emotional to speak. He deactivated his other arm, causing the same shock of pain as when Ayo did it, and reattached the new one. Immediately, he could tell that it was lighter, more flexible, and the tactiles on it were much better. He could barely even tell the difference in feeling from his normal hand as he grazed his fingertips along the edge of the case.

“Wow,” he muttered. “Thank Shuri for me, please.”

“And hear her gloat for an hour?” T’Challa asked in amusement. “I’ll tell her you said it was ‘okay’. She has a big enough head already.”

Bucky laughed; overcome with happiness and sheer relief. He laughed so hard he doubled over on himself and had to hold up a hand in apology.

“You know, if I didn’t know better, James, I’d say you look like you have been taking care of yourself,” T’Challa pointed out slyly. “It seems what you needed was a lover. I have never heard you laugh, my friend.”

“I only just--,” he gasped between peals of laughter. “I just--I just-- Zemo, help.”

“He’s only been able to laugh since starting recently, Your Highness,” Zemo explained for him. “Are you aware of his inability to create happiness naturally? We’ve found a way around it and have been using it to great success. As you can see.” The man gestured at Bucky who was just catching his breath.

“You can keep those methods to yourself as well, Mr. Zemo,” T’Challa said with a smirk. 

The man continued in a more serious voice, “Take care of James. He’s earned his happiness. You’re a lucky man that you are able to give it to him. Or I would not be so generous. No matter how well you make tea. But I spent five years recently as a pile of dust and my perspective on life’s fleeting nature has changed. How can I deny a man as old as this a chance to love?”

“Hey!”

T’Challa smirked at him and apologized with a wave. “I will be going. The Dora Milaje will not hunt you anymore. I cannot advise you to ever bring this man to Wakanda, however.”

“Wait, T’Challa,” he said suddenly as a thought occurred to him. “I need another favor. From Shuri. Could she get Sam a new suit? He’s not like Steve. He’s going to need that vibranium or he’ll be dead in a week. I bet he sucks at throwing that shield.”

The other man looked at him in slight surprise but Bucky could tell it was pleasant. 

He asked, “Sam has the shield? I thought the US government had christened another man the new ‘Captain America’?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. Walker, the new Cap, gave it over when he realized it was meant for Sam all along. It’s time for him to follow that destiny.”

“This is the path he’s on that you cannot follow,” T’Challa mused. He was silent for a moment before nodding sagely. “Yes, I will ask Shuri for a suit. She will be excited to build something with wings. If I bring it here, will you deliver it? With our compliments?”

“Yeah,” he breathed in agreement. “I’d be honored. He’s going to be great.”

T’Challa fixed him with an infinitely deep stare and smiled cryptically as he said, “Ah, my friend, he will indeed. I look forward to seeing you both in the light. A tree can only grow so tall in the shade.” Bucky’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Take care, my friend. Take care of my friend, Mr. Zemo. I will return in a few days' time with the suit.” 

The man put on his helm, gave a short wave, and left Bucky to ponder what he meant.

Chapter Text

“So? How does it look?” 

Bucky grinned down at the case holding Sam’s new suit and said, “It looks like the next Captain America.” 

Even the Soldier agreed as he reached out to run his fingers over the star in the middle of the suit. They had made sure to be extra careful that he stayed hidden, but Bucky allowed him to move them a little. 

Shuri punched his shoulder and snapped, “No! I didn’t ask for nonsense. Does it look good?”

T’Challa let out a stern, “Hey. No hitting. How old are you?” 

He didn’t really know these people, but James and his handler seemed to be on good terms with them and they touched James affectionately so he liked them. It pleased him to be around people who treated James well. 

She shot him an annoyed look and prodded Bucky again. “Ignore him. This suit will be all over TV for years. I’ll never live it down if this isn’t a look.” 

“It looks amazing, Shuri. You’ve outdone yourself,” he said earnestly. 

She puffed up and grinned back finally. “There we go, old man. Never doubt my capability. How is the arm?”

He flexed it and rotated it easily. “It’s been awesome. I really like how sensitive it is.”

Shuri shot a quick look at Zemo who was watching quietly as he sipped a cup of tea. “Oh yes, I heard. I bet you really like--”

“Shuri,” T’Challa chastised. She stuck her tongue at him and winked at Bucky. 

“Well, I don’t like your boyfriend, but I’ve been glad to see you, James,” Shuri said while giving him a hug. “You look well-rested. I had my doubts when my brother told me all that happened, but who can question the results?”

He carefully hugged her back. “Glad to see you too, Shuri. Thanks for getting on this so fast.”

“When I heard it had wings, how could I wait?” she asked cheerfully. 

“We will be going now,” T’Challa said with amusement. “Before she starts asking uncomfortable questions. As she’s been asking me all week… Be safe in the fight ahead, James.”

Shuri winked again and followed T’Challa as he moved to leave. Bucky nodded at them both as they left and Zemo got up to show them out. 

Bucky just turned back to the suit and ran his fingers over it. The vibranium was smooth and ornate. The colors were vivid and bright. He was actually surprised they could get it so good in such a short turnaround. It really did look like the next Captain America. 

His smile unraveled a bit at the edges as he felt the tug of bittersweet pain in his stomach. 

It also looked like the end of an era for him. Cap and Bucky were on different roads now. This was the final blessing to give. Sam had one from Steve, one from Walker, and now it was Bucky’s turn to let go. 

Bucky wasn’t sure where the future was taking him and Zemo, but it wasn’t going to be on the same trajectory as Sam. They might even end up at odds. But he would make sure it was clear that he approved before that happened. Sam needed the final torch pass. 

He could feel James’s slight sadness so he reached up and stroked his own cheek. It was a gesture he had started doing over the last few days to convey tenderness to his other half. He could also sense his handler was about to comfort him as well as he approached from behind.

Zemo’s arms wrapped around his middle from behind and he leaned back into him. A kiss was pressed to where his neck met shoulder. It made him melt and the tension bled out of him. He wasn’t going it alone. Sam didn’t need him, but Zemo did. And Bucky lived for being needed.

“Are you ready for what comes next, дорогой?” Zemo murmured. 

Bucky nodded and reached down to clasp Zemo’s hand. “Yeah, I am. Let’s get to work.”

It took them a day to get to Sam, but they found him on a fishing dock in Louisiana talking to a pair of older men about how to unload an engine off the back of a pickup truck. Bucky smirked and walked up quietly to lift it off in a single move.

The men gaped at him like he had two heads and he grinned, saying, “You’re welcome.”

Zemo was at his side and hummed. “Very flashy, James. Very impressive.” The man was going for a joke, but he could hear the actual note of amazement in his voice. 

Sam walked up and pulled him into a one-arm hug. “Hey man. What the hell are you doing here? I don’t have a lead yet.”

Bucky smiled again and lifted up the case containing the suit. “Just dropping this off. I called in a favor with the Wakandans. Zemo and I are free and clear. Well-- From the Dora Milaje, but we’re not worried about anyone else.”

“You convinced the Dora Milaje to give up chasing Zemo?” Sam asked, incredulous. 

“King T’Challa,” Zemo corrected with a shrug. “We treated him to a cup of tea and talked it over.”

Sam squinted at Zemo suspiciously. “You got brainwash words for everyone, or…?”

“Come on, Sam,” Bucky laughed. “Check out the suit.”

“Not here, man. I’m working on my family’s boat today. I’ll-- I’ll take a look when I get home. Until then you wanna lend me that super-strength of yours? We could use the extra hands. I don’t suppose Zemo knows his way around a boat, but I’m sure we can find something for him to do.”

Bucky looked at Zemo who tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. He looked back to Sam and said, “Alright. Put me to work.”

A few hours of work later and Bucky was finally armed with one thing Zemo wasn’t good at: fixing a boat. It wasn’t that he wasn’t strong or capable. It was that he couldn’t conceive of the idea of fixing something when he could buy a new one. By two hours into the day, Sam sidelined him and told him to shut up. 

Zemo happily sat back and just watched Bucky exert himself in the hot sun. Occasionally making comments that got Sam to bark about his nephews being near. 

It was good and he was happy. Yeah, he had a reward protocol buzzing from just before arrival, but he was still just being happy effortlessly. The Soldier was just hanging out on the inside and soaking up their contentment. He felt whole and hopeful. 

They joined Sam at his sister’s house that night for dinner and had a home-cooked meal. Zemo was an amazing cook, but he didn’t make Southern food. Bucky loved every bite to the point that he beckoned the Soldier out silently so he could enjoy it too. At the first bite, the other had made a half-stifled noise of surprise and pleasure. The others at the table just took it for the general enjoyment of the meal and Bucky was glad to not have to explain it. 

After dinner, they retreated to the den to relax and have a drink. 

“So how was Sokovia?” Sam asked as they dropped onto the old couch in the middle of the room. 

“Incredible,” Bucky breathed with a little too much emphasis and Sam made a face. Zemo smirked and leaned over to kiss his cheek to taunt Sam further. 

“I still can’t believe we have no lead on Karli. I know she was healing from the gunshot wound this asshole gave her, but she went deep underground. It’s been full radio silence…,” Sam said solemnly. 

“Maybe she gave up,” he muttered as he took a swig of his beer. “It would be the smart choice, but I doubt it.”

He realized then his phone was ringing on silent. He pulled it out of his pocket and he didn’t recognize the number. He squinted at it and answered.

“Hello?” he asked.

“Barnes ?” Through the phone came Walker’s voice. 

Bucky sat up straight and paid attention. He had seen the news about Walker over the last few days.

He had been discharged, stripped of all rank, and publically humiliated just so the government could distance itself from a ‘killer Captain America’. He lost his best friend and then they ruined his life. 

“Hey, John,” he greeted with a quick glance at Sam who started listening too. “Are you okay?”

Walker laughed but it was an empty sound. “No, but I’ve got a lead on Karli. You said to call you if I needed help… Well, Barnes, I need help. Can I count on you?”

Bucky looked between Zemo and Sam before answering with, “Yeah, you can count on me. Sam and I will be there. Zemo too if you’ll have him. Where’s the fight?”

“Can I count on Sam ?”

The meaning there was clear. Walker wanted Karli dead. Bucky looked at Sam who was eagerly waiting to hear more, but the man couldn’t hear the question. No, Sam wasn’t going to want Karli dead. He, Zemo, and Walker were on board with that plan, but Sam wouldn’t be.

“Uh, not sure,” he obfuscated. “But, you can trust me, John. I promise.”

“She killed Lemar,” Walker muttered into the phone. “I’m not getting you mixed up in this if you can’t-- I’ll understand if-- ”

“John,” Bucky interrupted. “You can trust me. I won’t let you down, okay? Let me help you.”

He really hoped that Sam just thought the other man was having a breakdown because the last thing he needed was to be agreeing to kill someone in front of the new Captain America. 

“How fast can you get to New York? ”

“Tomorrow,” he answered quickly. “Is that fast enough?”

“Yeah, I think so. The GRC are voting on a new act to send refugees back to their countries of origin. That happens tomorrow night. Karli will be there and I bet she’s got a plan. Come prepared, alright?”

“You gonna make things weird if I bring Zemo?” Bucky asked carefully. 

“Barnes, I’ve got one thing on my mind: avenge Lemar. I don’t give a damn about Zemo. I don’t give a damn about anything but that.”  Walker sounded furious, resolute, hurt. 

Bucky let out a breath and said, “Okay, we’ll be there. Now talk to me. How are you holding up?”

Walker scoffed on the other end of the line. “I’m not your charity case, Barnes.”

“No, idiot,” Bucky drawled. “I’m trying to be your friend.”

Walker did say anything for a really long time and he was almost sure hung up. Then, quietly, he said, “I went to talk to Lemar’s parents…. They didn’t blame me. They thanked me for killing their son’s killer-- But I-- It was Karli and she’s still alive. I can’t look at myself again until she’s dead.”

“I know, John,” he consoled. “We’re going to bring Karli to justice.”

“How do you sleep? With all that in your head? ”

Bucky looked down at the ground and sighed. “To tell you the truth? I didn’t until Zemo. I woke up with nightmares every night.”

Sam was paying more attention now as he listened intently to Bucky’s side of the conversation. 

Walker sounded lost as he said, “I had nightmares before Lemar died. I thought I could live with those. They were the price for not saving more people. But now? Every night I replay it over and over. And every night, he dies. No matter how I do it differently, he still dies.”

“You can’t fix it in a dream, John. All you can do is learn how to keep going. Find something to live for and chase it until you can’t anymore. You said you have a wife. Live for her .”

“Be---or--s,” Walker said too low for the phone to catch. 

“John?” he asked. “You there?”

“All I know how to do is fight, and now they tell me I’m not allowed. What now? Now with the serum, I--”

“Well you can--,” he started but Walker interrupted him, “Barnes, if someone approached you and knew something they shouldn’t and-- wanted you to do things for them… If you were at the end of your rope, what would you do?”

Bucky furrowed his brow in confusion. “I need more context, John.”

“Can I really trust you?”

“Yeah, you can,” he agreed while trying to put as much honesty in his voice that he could manage.

“A woman approached me after my trial and knew all about the serum… She said to pick up when she called. Well, I did and-- I think she’s part of something big, but I don’t know what. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion she’s not after me for my good looks, if you know what I mean?”

“What was her name?” Bucky asked urgently.

“Fuck, it’s long. I wrote it down-- Hold on. She gave me a stupid card but there was nothing on it--”

Bucky had stopped listening completely by the end of the sentence. In fact, Bucky wasn’t even there anymore. He reeled so hard that he slid out of control and into the recesses of his own mind.

He was awake suddenly and he blinked in confusion. He had been resting after dinner but now he was awake. He looked at the phone in his hands and then to his handler who looked mildly alarmed.

“Маленький?” his handler asked cautiously. He nodded at him and blinked at the phone again. 

“Yeah, her name was, and I quote, ‘Contessa Valentina Allegra de la Fontaine’. But she said we could call her Val, but don’t call her Val. Like what the fuck does that even mean?”

He realized why James had fled now. That wasn’t her name but he didn’t know the real one. She was a woman he only knew by association through his time with HYDRA. There was another covert organization based in Russia by the name of Leviathan and she was rumored to be their leader. 

Leviathan ran the Red Room, a Soviet program used to train young women to be assassins. The Black Widows. 

HYDRA and Leviathan had a tense past, but he had been brought several times throughout his life to train the young girls on orders from his handlers. Eventually, those sessions dried up as the groups grew to hate one another, but he remembered the days fondly. The young girls often idolized him. They would wish to be Winter Soldiers too and he felt like a-- a hero.

Until HYDRA had decided Leviathan was a threat and they sent him in to kill the little training Widows. He had failed that mission because several escaped, but he’d done enough damage to severely slow the program’s success. He could remember most that they didn’t cry. Like him, they felt only what they needed to and fear wasn’t useful. 

“Barnes? Barnes? ”

He lifted the phone to his ear and said, “You shouldn’t trust that woman.”

“That’s what I thought. I’ll deal with her later. Get to New York. Karli comes first. See you soon, Barnes… Thank you.”

“Y-You’re welcome,” he said and heard the other man hang up. 

His handler was looking at him worriedly and pulled his face into his hands. “Маленький, what was that? What did he say?”

“He said come to New York, sir,” he said simply. He stared meaningfully into his handler’s eyes. This was not a conversation to have in front of Sam. James would not want him to know about the little Widows. 

But, if there was even one more in training, he wanted to save them. His mind jolted from the automatic correction as he realized it. Leviathan was no better than HYDRA and they were enemies of HYDRA now. He knew his handler would agree. Dealing with the girl Karli came first. But, when this was all over, it was time to take the fight back to the real monsters. 

Chapter Text

It was nearly six hours later and James hadn’t reemerged and he was now very worried. They were on their way to New York and would be landing soon. His handler was also extremely worried while trying to hide it and kept pulling him close to pet him. Sam was past the point of being uncomfortable and just ignoring them at this point. He could tell the other man was worried too but hadn’t asked yet.

“Маленький, let me borrow you quickly,” his handler requested sweetly. “If you’ll excuse us, Sam.”

Sam waved them off and sat back in his seat. His mind was most likely also focused on the mission.

Once they were safely away from Sam’s eyes and ears, his handler turned to him and asked, “Маленький, can you tap into how James is feeling?”

He tried again and shook his head. He had been trying for hours now. “No, sir. He is very far away in our mind. I believe he accessed parts of our shared memories and is deeply upset.”

“Can you tell me what they were, маленький?” his handler probed gently. 

“The man, Walker, had an encounter with a woman of Левиафан. They are similar to HYDRA. It triggered horrible memories to surface,” he explained as calmly as he could, though he was shaken. 

“Левиафан is in charge of the Black Widow program, no?” his handler mused. “I learned of them during my time in EKO Scorpion. I was under the impression HYDRA and Левиафан were enemies?”

“They are, sir,” he confirmed with a nod. “Or were… I destroyed much of it. They may have rebuilt it by now.”

His handler looked surprised for a moment before his expression melted into pity. “You destroyed it, маленький? I-- I take it those are the horrible memories.”

“Yes, sir.” he nodded with a whimper. “The little паучки were very young and they admired me. I had trouble completing that mission. I was intentionally slow at catching them all so several escaped. I tried to let my favorites escape. I was punished severely for that mission. That mission occurred in October 1999.”

His handler put his forehead against his and breathed shakily. “My sweet маленький… The things that HYDRA made you do are terrible, inexcusable, painful. Do you know if you let a girl by the name of Natasha go?”

It took a lot of thinking to remember. He had been wiped after that mission and it made the memories difficult to access. 

“I don’t remember a Natasha, sir. There was a girl named Natalia, but she had already graduated from the Red Room by the time I carried out my mission. I trained her some before the relationship between HYDRA and Левиафан soured. She was very skilled but afraid. Fear was not common among the little паучки. I was not certain she would graduate at all.”

His handler looked sad again. The man reached up and stroked his face tenderly.

“That would be her, yes. I’d forgotten that she changed her name. There was a woman by the name of Natasha Romanoff on the Avengers who went by the moniker ‘Black Widow’. She was a graduate of the Red Room. I remember reading her files after the events of HYDRA’s downfall. She released all of it to the world. I was able to unencrypt it and that’s how I learned of you for the first time, маленький.”

His handler continued, “In many ways, I owe her much. She’s dead now I believe. She was my enemy, but I respected her choice to release those documents. They led me right to Vasily Karpov and to your book. James likely knew her as one of the Avengers. You fought her at least once on a mission.”

His heart hurt for the little Черная Вдова. She was very brave after all. He whispered, “I am-- sad, sir.”

His handler murmured soothing words to him and pulled him close. “My маленький, you did not choose your mission.”

“If there are more little паучки, I would like to save them, sir,” he choked out as his eyes grew wet with tears and his head hurt with want. “They did not choose their mission either. I did not like killing children.”

“Of course, my маленький,” his handler said softly. “We will of course save them. We will destroy Leviathan too if we must.”

“Thank you, sir,” he said through his tears. “They were very sweet.”

James was stirring and coming close again and that made him cry harder from relief. He did not like being away from his other half anymore. They were best when close. Still, now that he could feel him again, James was screaming again. Howling long and desperate in their mind.

He used his pain to beckon him closer and they slid into sync.

Awake again, Bucky caused their tears to come even harder as he started to sob. He clung tightly to Zemo who was already holding him and could barely hold himself up. He knew the Winter Soldier had killed children, but these children trusted him. He had been their instructor for a time. They watched with wide, expressive eyes as he showed them how to kill. Remembering them hurt. 

He and Natasha had ever talked about it. They avoided one another’s eyes at every chance. She was terrified of him and he knew it. She graduated before he’d been forced to kill the remaining girls, but still, she couldn’t escape him. He’d been sent to kill one of her charges even while she was with S.H.I.E.L.D. in Odessa and he shot her. Then, again, Pierce sent him after her directly when she was on the run with Steve. He shot her again. 

By the next time he saw her, in Berlin, the world was spinning out of control and her focus was on keeping the Avengers from splitting apart. Just once was he alone with her, right before the fight with Thanos. He had opened his mouth to-- Apologize? Beg for forgiveness? Commiserate? He wasn’t sure, but she wanted none of it. 

She looked at him and said, “Пожалуйста, не надо, Зимний Солдат. Все кончено.”

So he dropped it and buried the memories as deep as he could manage. 

“They were so young,” he sobbed into Zemo’s shoulder. 

Zemo pulled back to look at him and looked relieved as he said, “James. I was very worried.”

“How can you even stand to look at me? I killed children, Zemo. They made me kill children. They were all just like me. Pulled in to be puppets on strings. Brainwashed and abused. And I killed them.” He was falling apart right there. And worse, this was just one of many dark, deep secrets inside. One of many times they had him kill people who didn’t deserve it. 

“Bad orders,” he whimpered to console James. “We were given bad orders.”

“It’s as маленький said, James,” Zemo soothed desperately. “You did not choose this. You did as you were told. You even rebelled and tried to let them go. The powers that abused you both deserve to burn for what they did. They used you to further their political aims.”

“God, just hold me please,” Bucky cried desperately and tried to stop it from hurting. His heart felt like it was going to explode. His memories were flashing through his head and growing more vivid as he remembered more pieces of them. 

Their little hands with guns and knives… Their blood in the snow… Their empty eyes as they tried to survive… Tiny Pawns sacrificed at the hands of a Grandmaster. 

Zemo wrapped him up in his arms and rocked him back and forth like a child himself. 

“We’ll kill those responsible, дорогой,” Zemo whispered against his skin. “I will personally hunt down every single HYDRA and Левиафан operative if I have to. We’ll destroy them together. You’re an Avenger, дорогой. We’ll avenge them for you.”

He shook his head miserably. “Not anymore. I-- I’d like to be something else. Sam is an Avenger. I don’t know if I can pretend to be that anymore. It was easier when Steve was around, but he’s gone.”

“Then we’ll become something new, дорогой,” Zemo murmured and kissed the skin below his mouth. “Ты мой единственный.”

“Ты мой единственный,” he repeated and lost himself in the feeling of Zemo rocking him and the smell of his cologne. 

His hand curled in on itself and his fingers brushed his palm over and over as the Soldier soothed him too. They were all in this together. 

They stayed there until it was time for the plane to land just soaking up each other’s presence. When they returned to take their seats for the landing, Sam looked at them critically. 

“You back in control, Buck?” Sam asked, squinting at him. 

“Yeah,” he confirmed, his voice raspy from crying. His eyes were probably red too. “Well, half in control. We’re sharing.”

Sam hummed and nodded. “How does that work?”

Bucky appreciated that he wasn’t asking questions. He probably would just start losing it again. The last thing he could handle right now was explaining how he killed child assassins to his friend obsessed with saving a teenage terrorist.

“It’s like I’m thinking in stop-motion. Everything is happening normally, but he’s thinking at the same time. We snap back and forth. Our thoughts aren’t like two people talking in a room. We can talk to each other out loud; like he can hear me now. But we can’t have conversations in our head,” he explained as he strapped in for landing. 

“He can move me and vice versa and we’re aware that we’re not the one doing the moving. If we’re both trying to move the same limb or talk at the same time, it comes down to who wants it more.”

“James and I share well,” he followed. “We don’t fight for control often.”

Sam looked disconcerted but he nodded again. “You, uh, you know you’re the same guy, right? You’re both ‘James’.”

He frowned. He didn’t like this question.

Bucky answered for them when he could feel the Soldier’s frustration affecting their body, “Yeah, Sam. I get that I’m just-- crazy. Logically, I get that it’s in my head. But there’s literally no way to make this any less real. He’s so completely not me that I can’t even reconcile being the same person in practice. He also wants to exist. I want to exist too. So we’re not looking to smash together to become ‘one person’. We like this.”

“I understand your concern, Sam,” Zemo interjected calmly. “But James and the Winter Soldier have experienced a truly unprecedented level of trauma in their lives. The mind is very powerful and his has rebuilt itself in a way that works for him. It is protective in nature and comforting. They are distinct and in harmony. Is there truly any harm, then? Other than being strange?”

“I’m not trying to say it’s wrong,” Sam clarified while holding up his hands in surrender. “I don’t care what you do as long as it works, Buck. I’m just afraid you’re using this to avoid processing. Every time something bad happens, you shut down and become him.”

He answered this time, “I have also shut down and James has assumed control. It is for different reasons, but I also need James as he needs me. I have emotions too. However, I was trained to stay calm and more detached than James. I am better equipped to protect him physically.”

Sam sighed and looked away. “I don’t get it, Buck. But if it helps, then you do what you need to do. I’m just not equipped to understand something like this and I want you to be okay.”

“I will be okay if you accept it, Sam,” Bucky requested softly. “I need to feel like you’re actually okay with this. You’re not afraid of him anymore, but you still don’t see the Soldier as a real part of me. You can’t just get ‘Bucky’ all the time when there are two of us in here. And if-- If that means playing into my delusion, then that’s what I need.”

“So what do I call him? If he’s not ‘Bucky’ and he’s not ‘James’, then who is he? Just call him ‘Soldier’?” Sam asked as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

“We call him ‘маленький’ mostly,” Bucky answered tentatively. It would be great if Sam would stop calling the Soldier ‘Bucky’. He knew that bothered his other half. “It means ‘little one’ in Russian. It’s kind of a pet name though, so maybe not. 'Soldier' is fine but ‘солдат’ is a little better. I am Bucky and James. He just calls me that because Zemo does, but they’re both me. He doesn’t actually have a name, so you could just skip calling him anything.”

“It doesn’t freak you out even a little to just be suddenly two people in one head? This didn’t happen before Madripoor, right?”

“No, this is pleasant,” he said confidently. “I was locked away for a very long time while James had control but before we realized we were both in here. It was frightening waking up the first time and not knowing that HYDRA was gone, that my handlers were dead, and that I had been a different person for many years.”

Sam waited expectantly and Bucky smiled thankfully as he got to answer too, “Thanks. Yeah, it freaked me out a lot at first. But I eventually realized that we’d both been in here for a very long time. If anything, маленький has been in control longer in our lives. He was the real Winter Soldier. I’m just the remnants of the guy who fell off the train. Not even the whole guy who fell. Just what’s left.”

“It’s actually pretty awesome now,” he continued with a shrug. “When I’m having a low moment, I’m never alone. Being alone is the worst thing in the world and now I’ll never have to be again.”

The other man looked sad for the briefest moment before looking away quickly to hide it. Bucky knew why. It was pity. Sam pitied him for needing what he figured to be an imaginary friend to cope. Bucky could live with Sam not getting it because Zemo did. 

A few minutes later and the plane was on the ground and he allowed himself to let go of the conversation. He needed to focus on getting this done.

Once they were off the plane, he called Walker back.

“Hello? Barnes? ”

“Hey, John,” he greeted. “We’re in New York. Where should we head?”

“There’s a parking garage three blocks South of where the GRC are meeting tonight. I’ll meet you on the roof there.” 

Bucky confirmed, “Alright. Be there soon,” and hung up. He turned to the other two and relayed the location. 

A car pulled up, probably called by Oeznik, and Zemo gestured to it saying, “Our ride.”

Sam shook his head and used his thumb to gesture at the plane, “I’ll meet you there. I’ll make my own way if you catch my drift.”

Bucky grinned at him. He understood immediately. “Are you seriously telling me I don’t get to see you put it on first?”

“Man,” Sam dismissed with an easy smile of his own. “If you don’t think I’m going to cry a few manly tears in that plane first, you’re crazier than we know. Get out of here. I’ll meet you there when I’m in uniform.” He turned and walked back up onto the plane. 

Bucky ducked his head and widened his grin. “See you soon, Cap.”

Chapter Text

Walker was waiting on top of the garage when they arrived. He was pacing with his arms crossed in a tight circle like a caged animal and wearing his same suit. 

“Hey,” he greeted tightly as they exited the car. His face was deadly serious. All business.

“Hey, John,” Bucky said smoothly as he walked right up with his hand extended. Walker looked down at it for the barest moment before his expression loosened and he grabbed it. Bucky pulled him into half a hug and heard the other man release a shaky breath.

When they pulled away, Walker’s face was oddly expressive. He could see the pain in the man’s eyes and, maybe, something like hope. In a single gesture, Bucky had built a bridge. 

“Wh--,” Walker started and coughed to cover the way his voice broke. “Where’s Sam?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and flicked his eyes upward. “On his way.”

Walker nodded and crossed his arms again. 

Defending himself, he mused. His therapist had called out the same behavior once and he tried his best to stop doing it. 

“Let’s talk about a plan then. Is Sam going to be on board?” Walker asked gravely. 

He shook his head and looked to Zemo who also looked skeptical. “Not a chance. He still believes he can save her from herself.”

Walker sneered viciously. “Who saves people from her?”

Bucky met his eyes meaningfully and tilted his head a bit to the side. “That’d be us.”

“If I may cut in? I’ve taken the liberty to prepare some things for us,” Zemo said with a smirk and a wave of his hand at the car that still hadn’t left. Bucky looked at him in confusion. The man hadn’t mentioned any surprises. 

He walked to the trunk of the car and opened it. Inside was a small arsenal in several silver cases.

“How the fuck did you-- Who’s he?” Bucky asked in a hiss with a jab of his finger in the driver’s direction. 

Zemo shrugged carelessly and explained, “A well-paid man. Doesn’t open boxes. Doesn’t ask questions. Goes blind or deaf on command. Truly incredible what one can do with money.”

Bucky frowned at him and started unloading the cases quickly. They needed to get this done before Sam arrived. Walker moved to help him and, once they were done, the car sped away. 

“What was the plan if Sam came with us?”

The man grinned at him and said, “I planned to improvise. But I was fairly sure he would want to arrive with his own methods. Now we need to get these to another location better suited for our needs. Is there a closer parking garage?”

“Yeah; a couple blocks up,” Walker confirmed as his eyes darted between Zemo and Bucky. “But we’ll be right near where the GRC are meeting. We could end up tipping off security and run into problems with them. I’m not exactly authorized to be out in this.” He gestured to his uniform.

“And if they catch me with what’s in these,” he continued with a point at the cases. “I’m going away for life just so they can be sure I don’t go postal. Don’t suppose Barnes would end up much better. This shit looks right up his alley-- Or, uh, former alley, I guess?”

Bucky was leaning over one of the cases he had opened up on the bed of what he assumed to be Walker’s truck. It contained a disassembled SVD-63. He was well familiar with the weapon. It was the same sniper he used to nearly assassinate Nick Fury. 

“Current alley, John,” he corrected with a twitch of his lips. He wasn’t sure if it was a smile or a frown. Probably both. The Soldier was oddly comforted by the familiarity this presented. He was a sweet creature, but he was an assassin. Bucky didn’t relish the return to his old ways but sometimes you just can’t talk it out. 

He closed the case with a snap and loaded the rest into the bed of the truck. There was a tarp folded in one corner so he draped it over their cargo. There was something else in the bed of the truck: a disc-shaped bag. He carefully didn’t look at Walker as he covered that too. 

“Let’s move,” he announced. “We need to get to the other garage before Sam gets here. We’ll talk on the way.”

They loaded into the truck and Bucky did his best to calm the nerves bundling up inside him. The Soldier was a soft snowfall and he tried to focus on that. It felt tranquil. At peace. At peace with himself. 

“So how do we do this?” Walker asked as they made their way out of the garage. “Just take a position on a nearby roof and hope for a good shot?”

Zemo cut in, “No, that would be my job. You two will infiltrate on foot. If we wish this to go our way, you will need to provoke Karli into a position that Sam cannot deny is irredeemable. If she is as we expect, she will go easily into such a position. Our primary objective is to kill her. I will handle the logistics of her followers. Cut the head off of a snake and it can no longer bite.”

Bucky shot the man a look. “You’re taking the sniper?”

“Are you disappointed, James?” Zemo purred back. “I am quite good with them. You may be surprised. Though I have taken this job for myself because I expect it to be the least useful position and I am not a super-soldier, unlike the present company.”

 He laughed a little but it was mostly humorless. “Go for it. But you owe me an explanation of what you did in EKO Scorpion one day. Okay?”

Zemo’s face grew serious. “I killed my enemies, James. You know what a soldier does.”

Walker muttered under his breath, “We may have too much crazy in this truck.”

That caught Bucky so off guard and he actually laughed out of surprise. “You’ve got no idea, John.”

Walker threw a bemused look at him as he laughed but Bucky ignored him for the chance to take Zemo’s hand and lace their fingers. Zemo lifted their hands up to kiss Bucky’s knuckles. 

“So how did you two end up together?” Walker asked casually. 

“I started falling apart and he put me back together,” Bucky explained while looking at Zemo tenderly. “ I needed someone to take care of me.”

“And I needed someone to take care of,” Zemo followed. 

The other man chuckled a little. “Well, good for you. I wouldn’t be here without my wife. She’s my-- She’s my rock. When the whole world turned on me, she stood by me. She puts up with me waking up screaming every night. Her name’s Olivia.”

“Does she know you’re here?” Bucky wondered. 

Walker nodded. “Yeah. We’ve got a pretty honest relationship. I wasn’t going to take off to go get vengeance, or whatever, without telling her I might not come back. She’s a military wife. She knows there’s always a chance that it’s the last mission.”

The sun was going down as they pulled into the next garage and headed for the roof. Walker was parking when Bucky’s phone rang and he pulled it out to answer. “Hello?”

“Uh, we change the rendezvous spot or what?” came Sam’s voice. 

He smirked and glanced at Walker deviously. “Sorry, John’s terrible at directions. We’re actually only one block out.”

Sam huffed on the end of the line. “Fine, man. You’ll see the damn suit when you see it then. I’m going to start checking the perimeter.”

“How is it?” he asked eagerly. 

Sam didn’t answer quickly but when he did, it was soft and intense, “It’s perfect, Buck. Feels like-- Feels like me .”

“Do it justice, pal,” he breathed. “He’d be proud, Sam.”

Walker made a noise next to him, but he was looking down and smiling when Bucky turned to look. He looked up with a grin and said, “Tell Cap I wish him luck.”

Bucky clapped Walker on the shoulder with his vibranium arm lightly and told Sam, “John says hi and wishes you good luck. He says kick some ass for us, Cap.”

“You got it .”

He hung up and smiled again. The world had Captain America again. Steve’s legacy was finally fulfilled. Which meant that Bucky could move on in peace after tonight. He’d tracked Sam down to find out why he gave up the shield and now the shield was home. 

They hopped out of the truck and started to gear up. One of the cases had a selection of small knives in sheaths that Bucky strapped into place on himself. He put them in all the usual places. No time to be fighting muscle memory. 

Walker had his own gun already, but Zemo convinced him to trade for one of his. These were untraceable and if they took the chance for a covert kill they would be able to get away with it. 

Bucky decided against taking a gun with the full knowledge that he’d see Sam at some point. The knives were too small to notice in the heat of the moment and Bucky could use them better than probably anyone else on Earth. 

Zemo hid a handgun beneath his coat like usual and assembled the SVD-63. Bucky couldn’t help but let the Soldier out to admire how quickly and smoothly the man did so. There was something oddly arousing about watching. 

Walker noticed his look and snapped his fingers in front of Bucky’s face. “Wake up, lover boy.”

“Shut the fuck up, Captain Anger Issues,” Bucky taunted lightly as he continued to stare at Zemo who was at this point hamming it up by staring him in the eyes while he did it. Walker just snorted in laughter and went back to checking his gear. He slid the disc forward and pulled out a shield of his own. It looked like Captain America’s, but Bucky could see a Medal of Honor attached to the inside.

“It’s for-- I wanted to do this the way Lemar went out thinking of me,” Walker explained quietly. “I know I’m not Captain America, but for tonight I want to be an Avenger.” Bucky understood and put his hand on Walker’s shoulder to shake it slightly in solidarity. 

Once they were all geared up, it was time to go separate ways. Bucky took his chance to pull Zemo into one last kiss. Walker, being the jackass he was, whistled lowly behind them so Bucky reached behind himself to flip the other off. 

When they parted, Zemo reached up to trace Bucky’s lips with his fingers. “Do what you have to do, James. Whatever that is.”

He kissed Zemo’s fingertips and let the Soldier into sync with him. He felt the usual greeting as his fingers curled inward to brush his palm in thanks. The Soldier kissed Zemo’s fingertips too.

“Be safe,” he whispered softly. “Don’t shoot if you don’t need to. We’ll handle things on the frontline. Just be ready to get us out of here once things are done.”

Walker tossed his keys to Zemo who caught them smoothly. “I will be waiting, дорогой. Finish this quickly.”

A commotion started kicking up down on the street below as people began running and fleeing. In the next thirty seconds, it sounded like every squad car in New York lit up and started heading in their direction. Time was up.

He and Walker shot each other a look and, with a last kiss on Zemo’s palm, they jogged off to head down to the street. 

Once he was on the street, police began to set up perimeters and tape quickly. They were working fast to contain whatever had happened. Walker split off and went his own way around with the intent of meeting up later. Bucky would be able to cut a direct line through. Everyone in New York knew the Avengers and they’d know his face. 

Sure enough, officers were nodding at him as he passed and greeting him with, “Sergeant Barnes.” He nodded at them and walked on through, headed straight for the GRC conference building.

He turned on his comms and radioed Sam, “I’m on the ground. What’s the plan?”

“Karli’s got to be close. The building was just hit with a massive interference and blackout. Keep your eyes open.”

Bucky looked around with a frown. Yeah, easier said than done as the area was swarmed with hundreds of cops and with more arriving. “Yeah, well, it could be anybody.”

He coaxed the Soldier as close to the surface again as he dared to let the other keep surveillance of things as well. Maybe Bucky wouldn’t notice something, but the Soldier might. 

“And by the way, I called in some backup.”

Backup?

“Excuse me, sir? Are you supposed to be here?” a voice asked tentatively from behind him. His brow furrowed and he turned to look at the man. It was some unassuming guy in a hat. 

He opened his mouth to answer when the man reached up and pulled off the hat and a mask covering his face. It blurred as the image on it dissolved and Sharon was standing in front of him instead. 

“Sharon ?” Bucky hissed. “What are you doing here?” 

Was she trying to get arrested? What the hell was Sam thinking? 

She moved forward and grabbed him by the arm to start dragging him along. “Relax, no one is looking for me here.”

“Do I hear Sharon?” Sam asked over comms. 

Bucky hissed back, “Unfortunately.”

Sharon smirked and put in her own comms to answer, “Hey Sam. Thought I’d get the band back together.”

Sam responded, “Thank you. You’re risking a lot coming here.”

“Well, I hear pardons aren’t all they’re cracked up to be anyway,” Sharon said while she fixed him with a look. Bucky shrugged and said, “Depends on the therapist.”

“They’re gonna move on the building soon. Be ready.”

A sound came from above and Bucky looked up just in time to see the shadow of Sam’s wings as he soared above them. He smiled despite himself. He hadn’t had a reward protocol since the plane, but he still managed to drum up just enough to feel a joyfulness tugging in his gut.

Screaming started behind them inside. Something was going on. 

Half a minute later, he watched Sam throw the shield right through a window and follow it in. 

Bucky split off from Sharon and started roving the front of the building in search of any sign of a charge. But he couldn’t see anything.

“What’s going on down there?”

“Nothing. All quiet,” he announced.

“No one is moving toward the building,” Sharon confirmed over comms herself. 

Sam didn’t answer for a second but then said, “Karli’s not coming in. She’s trying to force everyone out. Let me work on keeping everyone-- unnf --”

Bucky’s heart skipped a beat before Sam back over, “You guys are gonna have to do something. Don’t let them out of the building. I’ve got Batroc up here.”

Batroc? What the hell was he doing here? Bucky only knew him from his files, but the guy didn’t strike him as much of a freedom fighter. No, there was something going on here. Something else. 

He ran back towards the front of the building and met up with Sharon on the way inside. They split up again inside and he started moving to stop the evacuation from happening. He climbed to the second floor and made his way towards the stairwell they’d be coming down. A woman was standing in the hallway in front of him holding a phone and a calm expression on her face. Bucky steeled himself. 

“Mr. Barnes? It’s Karli,” the woman said as she offered him the phone. He frowned and took it. A call was already active so he put it to his ear. 

“Karli?” he asked.

Karli came over the other side, “Aren’t you tired of fighting for the wrong side, Mr. Barnes?”

He scoffed and warned, “I’ve done this before, kid. I know how it ends.”

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t survive this. I’m fighting for something bigger than myself. And with all the bodies you’ve collected have you been able to say the same?”

Bucky sneered into the phone, “You don’t think I’ve ever fought for something bigger than myself? That’s all I ever tried to do. And I failed twice. You think your cause justifies all this death, but in the end, the nightmares won’t go away. You’re gonna remember all the ones you killed. You’ll remember the faces. Trust me. How about Lemar Hoskins? Bet you remember him.”

She didn’t answer at first. He waited until she said, “Well, if that’s how you feel... You should sit this one out.”

“Well you know I’m not gonna do that,” he said calmly. 

“Well, thank you. I’m glad you took my call. You’ve been a big help.” 

The line went dead. Fuck. She was stalling him. 

Bucky ran as fast as he could to the parting garage attached to the conference center and located a motorcycle. He opened it up, hotwired it, and sped off out of the garage.

“Seriously, Bucky? You had one job,” Sharon pointed out in exasperation over the comms. 

“Just worry about your job,” he hissed back.

A few minutes later, she came back over comms to say, “Well that’s one down.”

“How did you manage that?”  Sam asked.

“Mercury vapor, amongst other things. ...You better speed things up, Sam. A chopper’s about to take off,” she pointed out in a hurry.

Sam called out, “Bucky?” in response.

The man couldn’t see him, but Bucky raised his eyebrows in confusion. What the hell did he want him to do? He responded, “I don’t fly, man. That’s your thing.”

He spotted the hostages in an armored truck up ahead so he sped up to tail them. They were cutting around corners and barriers wildly and he was forced to keep his distance, but he was able to keep his eyes on them.

“I’m gonna have to finish this with Batroc later. I’ve gotta catch the chopper.”

Bucky was still chasing the hostages when the very distinct sound of a sniper shot rang out. Zemo.

Sam’s voice came back over comms in a rush, “ Someone just fucking-- Someone-- Motherfucker, someone just shot the man. He caught me as I was diving out and someone just blew his head off… Bucky-- Bucky, where is Zemo?”

He cringed hard. Hopefully, Zemo was in the cab of that truck and moving location. 

“Buck? ”

“I’ve got eyes on the hostages at the moment, Sam. We left Zemo at the parking garage. I don’t know where he is,” he responded with as much sincerity as he could manage. 

He wasn’t going to be able to convince the man that Zemo had nothing to do with this, but he could at least tap out on knowing about it. Batroc was a wanted criminal and just a few weeks ago Sam had killed the man’s entire crew. They could talk their way out of this one afterward. 

Finally, the armored trucks were coming to a stop up ahead. Bucky could see several Flag-Smashers rush out to hop in. He sped up again and headed right at one. The man spotted him just in time for Bucky to brake and launch himself forward at full speed. He tackled the man to the ground. They got to their feet and lowered into fighting stances.

Bucky beckoned the Soldier out until they were in sync and it was time to go to work. 

He had been ready for this moment. His hands flew to one of the knives James helpfully put in the same location he used to keep them. He pulled one out and flipped it in his grip to a better angle. 

The target in front of him lunged so he ducked the punch and came up with the blade to catch him in the armpit. It severed the right axillary artery and the man staggered back in confusion. Blood was already drenching his shirt in fast spurts. It would be a small, clean wound and the blood would initially be mistaken as a bullet wound. The man was already dead even if he didn’t know it yet, so he turned to find his next target. 

But the Flag-Smashers had other plans. They lit the two armored trucks on fire.

Bucky was still in sync with the Soldier so he put his foot on the brakes and rushed over to start trying to free the hostages. The man behind him collapsed but the others were regrouping just past the flames.

He grabbed the door of the truck and tried to pry it open but it was being held closed by some contraption. It was ridiculously strong. Where the hell had they gotten this? The Flag-Smashers were supposed to just be some ramshackle group who got super-soldier serum. Now they had tech like this? No, something was very wrong.

Batroc? This new tech? Someone else was involved. 

But he didn’t have time to ponder it. First, he had to rescue the hostages. 

Bucky applied as much strength as he could manage. He swapped to using his vibranium arm to pull and put the serum to work. It wasn’t budging and the metal was heating up quickly.

Fuck. They were going to get away. 

“Morgenthau! ”

Bucky had never been so happy to John Walker’s voice. He redoubled his efforts and kept pulling on the doors with all his might. John could handle Karli. 

He could hear Karli say, “I didn’t mean to kill your friend. I don’t wanna hurt people that don’t matter.” 

“You don’t think Lemar’s life mattered?” John asked; incredulous, furious. Bucky could imagine the look on the man’s face. The pure resolve that must be reflected there. 

“Not to my fight,” Karli clarified. “I just want the people on that truck.”

John screamed in rage and Bucky heard the fight break out. There were too many of them to fight at once. He needed Bucky’s help. 

Bucky switched tactics. He started punching the locking mechanism with all of his strength until it started to crumble under his fists. When it did, he reapplied his strength to pull the doors. One more huge effort and they flung open to allow the hostages to scramble out. He helped usher them past with a shout of, “Go.”

With them all free, he rushed to help John. They were all working together against him and had him down and defending with his shield. Bucky charged one of them as he raised a parking meter as a weapon to bring down on John’s head. The man was knocked back into a chain-link fence by the force of his punch. He went for one of his other knives, but Karli came at him with the makeshift bat of the parking meter and started trying to get in a hit.

She forced him back against a barrier, dodging her hits, and he grabbed a chain lying there to swing into her face. The hit connected and knocked her back and off her attack. But, before he could get another swing, the other one was there lined up to kick him square in the chest hard enough to send him flying back and over the edge into a construction zone below ground. 

The man jumped down holding a steel beam this time with the intent of crushing him. He put up his vibranium arm just in time to catch the blow and kicked the other’s legs out from under him. Above, he could hear John still fighting with the remaining few. 

Bucky pried the steel beam away from the other and started using it to knock him back and away from himself. When the man went down, he dropped it and grabbed a small piece of rebar from the ground. He backed off and let the Soldier take the reins again.

He stalked forward and grabbed the man by the collar and shoved the rebar in the soft skin under the chin directly into the skull. He snapped off the end piece and dropped the now dead man on the ground. The small metal skewer would be noticed, but they were fighting in a construction zone. One bad fall could have done the same. 

There was a violent crashing sound above him as the other armored truck full of hostages crashed over into the spiderweb of the unfinished building’s steel supports. The weight of the truck caused them to begin to bend and snap under the strain. 

Bucky looked up at it and stepped back. There was no way, no matter how strong he was, that he could catch that. 

A disc of metal came falling over into the construction site to land below the truck: it was Walker’s shield. Banged up, dented, broken. And above the armored truck began to pull back from the edge.

There you go, John. That’s what Captain America would do, he thought with a tired smile. 

Bucky walked forward, grabbed the shield, and pried off the Medal of Honor from the inside. He flipped it a few times in his palm before putting it into his pocket for safekeeping. 

Suddenly, screaming came from above again as he watched two Flag-Smashers and John come tumbling down as the truck began to fall again. It was going to come down on all three of the ones in front of him. Bucky moved without thinking and dove forward to grab John. He wouldn’t be able to get them out in time, but-- Well, Bucky wasn’t going to let the man die without trying.

But the truck didn’t fall and Bucky didn’t waste time to find out why as he dragged John back and away from the other two. 

As soon as they were safe, he looked back and saw Sam, in full uniform, wings spread, holding the truck up with the force from his suit’s propulsion. 

Oh man, he really owed Shuri now.

Sam managed to push the truck back up onto the steel beams where it rested enough to be stable. 

Bucky and John just stared up in awe. And there must be a crowd up there because he could hear the cheers erupt. 

“Good job, Cap,” he murmured to himself and heard John echo him. 

Karli took advantage of the moment to grab a piece of rebar herself and throw it directly at him. But, unfortunately for her and fortunately for him, the Soldier caught it without looking. Who said being crazy didn’t have perks?

She stared at him in shock and he quirked an eyebrow at her. 

The Flag-Smashers were hit with the shield as Sam threw it from above. It bounced and arced and came right back to his hand smooth as silk. Bucky smiled. He’d been practicing. 

Karli got back on her feet and pulled off her mask to look at Sam as he landed. She looked betrayed. “You of all people bought into this bullshit?”

“I’m trying something different. Maybe you should do the same,” Sam answered sternly. 

Sounds of firing came from above and canisters of gas were launched directly at their feet and started to smoke rapidly. More thuds as several more Flag-Smashers jumped down and shuffled about in the smoke. He could hear the Flag-Smashers take off running together but couldn’t see where. 

Would you look at that, he thought, more convenient tech. 

Sam said through the smoke, “This way,” and took off. John and Bucky followed close behind as Sam led them down underground beneath the construction site. 

“Hey, Sharon,” he spoke into the comms. “We’re underground. We entered the tunnel on William. Heading South.”

Sam looked around ahead of them and barked, “Looks like they split up here.”

John headed off immediately down to the right, leaving Sam looking on after him. Bucky cringed and turned to look at Sam saying, “I’ve got it.” He turned and chased after John. 

They could hear a slight whistling coming from somewhere.

“You hear that? ” John hissed. Bucky nodded and listened closely. Neither he nor seemingly the Soldier could tell where it was due to the echo on the stone floors and metal piping. 

A shot rang out that had John and Bucky tear off in the direction of it. They were close but the construction site was so maze-like that they needed to double back far to get to where they needed to go. They heard hurried talking going on echoing through the space. 

“Sam, stay back,” came Karli’s voice.

Sam answered, “So, what’s next, huh? You kill ten this time, then, what? A hundred? Where does it end?” After a moment, they could hear him add, “Please, let me help you. ”

“Please, don’t try and manipulate me.”

“Karli don’t! ” came Sharon’s voice crying out followed by the sounds of a struggle. 

John started running even faster, cutting around corners so fast he was skidding on the pavement. Bucky increased his own speed and tried to keep pace, but the other man was way more motivated. He watched the other man draw his gun from his holster. 

This was their moment. If Sam was going toe to toe with Karli, then they had their reason to shoot. They were just defending Captain America. 

More shots came before they arrived. They burst into the area to find Sharon on the ground, clutching at a stomach wound, with a gun in her hands, and Sam hunched over Karli as she lay on the ground bleeding. He was lifting her up into his arms as she gasped for breath.

John skidded to a halt and dropped his own gun. Bucky kicked it behind a tarp smoothly. 

Looks like Sharon beat them to it. 

Karli was looking up at Sam, crying, and whispered, “I’m sorry.” A few seconds later and her breaths stopped coming, her eyes closed, and her arm went limp. 

Sam bowed his head over her in anguish and Bucky instantly reached out to grab John’s shoulder and yank him back as the man stepped forward.

“Let’s go,” he hissed very quietly. “It’s over.”

He had to keep pulling John back away from the scene until the man finally turned to follow. 

Bucky could feel the rage and hurt rolling off him. 

“John,” he said softly as they retreated. “She’s dead. I’m sorry it wasn’t you--”

“It’s not that,” John answered bitterly. “She doesn’t deserve his sadness. She got what she deserved. Let’s-- I’ll get over it. Let’s go home.”

“Okay. We can talk later,” he murmured. The Soldier reached up for them and put his hand on his shoulder. John moved closer and hung his head. 

They made their way back up to the garage where they left Zemo. Sam had it from here down on the ground with the cameras and the politicians. It was time for him to walk the path he was on and Bucky was ready to start walking his. They had a few more Flag-Smashers to catch.

Or, maybe not, as they passed the rest of them being loaded into an armored truck of their own. He smirked and waved. 

The police loading them up let slip, “Alright, we’ve got orders to take this lot to the Raft.”

The Raft, huh? Hard to get to and harder to get out of. That was a shame. Zemo wouldn’t like that. If that’s where they were headed, then they were probably beyond their reach. It took half the Avengers to break in last time to liberate the rest stuck there after the events of the Sokovia Accords. It wasn’t worth it for these four. 

Zemo wasn’t on top of the garage, but Bucky didn’t figure he would be. The truck was gone too, so the man had moved. 

Bucky pulled out his phone to call him to find out the new rendezvous point but there was no answer. 

His heart rate immediately increased. 

He tried again. Nothing.

Again. Nothing. His heart was about to explode out of his chest. 

“Bucky,” John said suddenly with great alarm as he held up his phone. 

On the screen was a newcast playing with Zemo’s picture; his mugshot from prison.

A voice came through the speakers of the phone saying, “We do have confirmation that the man captured is the recently escaped Helmut Zemo, the man responsible for bombing the U.N. in 2016 that resulted in the death of King T’Chaka of Wakanda. Initial reports suggest he was working in support of the Flag-Smashers agenda as his known terrorist activities suggest a severe abhorrence to policy and government oversight. He was in possession of a Soviet sniper rifle that could be heard fired at least once this evening. Statements from police have said that the man is en route to the Raft, a maximum-security prison located at an undisclosed location in the Atlantic Ocean. Zemo was captured via an anonymous tip to police that directed them to his location on a nearby roof. Authorities say--”

His phone buzzed and he looked down at it blankly. A text message from an unknown number read: "For killing Nagel. With love, Power Broker."

Below them, an explosion detonated somewhere, but Bucky wasn’t there to hear it. His mind spiraled so hard as both he and the Soldier lost grip on reality that he passed out on the spot.

Chapter Text

He woke in a bed and all he could hear was screaming. James was screaming inside so loudly that he started to cry before he even remembered why. But when he did, it was like his heart had been torn out. His handler was gone.

In danger.

He sprung up to a sitting position in a panic. His handler needed him. He needed him to save him. No matter what it took. 

“Hey, hey,” a soothing voice said and he was gently pushed down. He looked to his right to see John Walker watching him with concerned eyes. “Bucky just-- I won’t tell you to calm down, but you need to not panic. We’re safe.”

“My handler,” he whispered in a broken voice. “He needs me.”

John Walker blinked in confusion at him and frowned. “Handler? Zemo?”

He nodded and curled in on himself again as he started to heave with heavy sobs. His handler was in danger. His handler needed him. He’d been too slow at the mission. 

“Hey, shh,” John Walker said softly and reached out to rub his back. “Bucky you need to talk to me. I know we’re not-- we've not always seen eye to eye… But I didn’t want this to happen to Zemo. I can see how much he means to you. Are you going to be okay? What do you mean by ‘handler’?”

He couldn’t respond. He was crying harder than he ever had in his life. James was screaming and he wanted to scream too. 

John Walker didn’t say anything more for a long time as he let him cry. Instead, the man kept rubbing his back slowly. He whimpered and crawled a little closer. He felt small and pathetic. He’d failed his handler.

He cried so long that he lost track of time. When his tears finally stopped coming, he laid there nearly catatonic while John Walker kept rubbing his back. He looked at the man and stared. This man had hurt his handler once, but now he was patiently comforting him. 

“Help me,” he begged. 

John Walker’s face grew resolved as he said, “That’s the plan, Bucky. I’m not going to leave a man behind. But we can’t do anything with you like this.”

With a moment of dangerous calculation, he confessed, “I’m not ‘Bucky’.”

The man looked confused again so he continued, “I’m the Зимний Солдат. James and I share-- We’re--” He trailed off with a whimper. James was much better at explaining this. Walker just kept watching patiently so he tried again, “We are two in one body. He is inside now. He is screaming.”

“Do you have D.I.D.?” John Walker asked with a furrowed brow. 

“I don’t know what that is,” he mumbled and pressed his face against the sheets as he was hit with another wave of sadness. 

“It’s uh-- My wife is in college to practice psychology so I pick this shit up by osmosis. Pretty good profession for someone with a husband in the military, but-- That’s beside the point. It’s like a disorder when a person’s personality splits into more than one piece or they create new ones to deal with shit. It’s called dissociative identity disorder,” John Walker explained in a jumbled mess. “I don’t actually know how it works. I just know that having split personalities is part of it.”

He blinked a few times and considered it. It made sense so he said, “Maybe. I don’t know.”

John Walker nodded. “Ok, we’re just-- We’re going to operate on the assumption that you do because I don’t know how else to tackle this. What did you say your name was--? Zim-nee something?”

“Зимний Солдат,” he repeated. “You can call me soldier. Or nothing. I am just not James.”

“Zim-nee soul-daat,” John Walker repeated slowly. 

He blinked at him and said, “You can say ‘Winter Soldier’ in English if that helps. Or just Солдат.”

John Walker reacted to that more intensely than expected as he pulled back and widened his eyes. “Did you just say… You’re the fucking Winter Soldier? You-- You called Zemo ‘Handler’... Oh, holy fuck. You’re not like--”

“I am not as I was,” he clarified quickly. “Zemo is my handler, but he is not like my former handlers in HYDRA. He does not activate me. I exist as my own entity. I just need a handler to take care of me.”

John Walker calmed down slightly but still looked at him suspiciously. “Okay, so you’re not going to go all ‘For Mother Russia’ on me, right? If you and Bucky, or, uh-- James, aren’t the same person have you and I ever met?”

He looked away again to say, “I was going to kill you when you hurt my handler. I have forgiven you. I told you to find someone to give you better orders.”

“Well, damn,” John Walker breathed. “Good thing Zemo woke up then. I heard what you did to the Avengers in Berlin. I hadn’t even taken the serum at that point. Not sure how I feel about taking advice from the Winter fucking Soldier, though.”

He was immobilized by the reminder that his handler could be in danger wherever he was and he started crying again. John Walker began to rub his back again.

“We’re going to get him back, okay? There’s no way we’re leaving him on the Raft. Not that I have any idea how to get him out right now, but we’ll figure it out. Sam has been calling-- calling James. Does Sam know about you?”

He nodded through his tears. 

“Will he help us? Bucky’s an Avenger. Maybe we can leverage for clemency. Zemo was helping us against the Flag-Smashers. He’s already served part of his original sentence, but-- You know what? There’s no chance in hell that’s going to work. So, I guess the plan to figure out is how to get onto the Raft and get him out,” John Walker rambled as he continued to comfort him.

The sound of the man trying to make a plan was comforting in its own way. He felt very alone at the moment and it was good to have an ally. But what he needed was James. 

He called out to his other half and begged him to come out. The howling, screaming, painful sounds in his head didn’t change. James may not be able to hear him until his own panic diminished. Which meant that he needed to get calm.

John Walker was still talking, “First thing, we need to find out where the Raft is. Do you have any way to find out?”

He didn’t know. “I don’t have memories from the last few years. James has those memories.”

“Are you able to-- I don’t know... Ask? Bring him out? If we need to talk to James, how do we get him?” John Walker asked in an oddly gentle voice. “I know you’re hurting, buddy. But if you want to rescue Zemo, we need to get moving.”

“He’s screaming,” he whispered. “James is frightened.”

“Can you tell him that there’s nothing to be afraid of? I promise, buddy, we’re going to get him back. You didn’t give up on my ass when I was breaking down… I’m not-- I may not be Captain America, but I can still do the right thing. Maybe it’s better that I’m not him. Breaking people out of prison doesn’t sound like the sort of thing Captain America does,” John Walker explained with confidence. It was contagious because he felt better just listening.

“Thank you for not abandoning me and my handler,” he said with an upwelling of emotion. “I will try to calm James down.”

John Walker looked away from him but didn’t stop rubbing his back. “I’m going to level with you, buddy… All my friends are dead. Most of them died in Afghanistan and the best one, my last one, died in Riga. Bucky said the other day he was trying to be my friend and then he was there when I needed him. I may not be a saint, but I have never abandoned one of my friends. I carry them with me wherever I go.”

He watched the man reach down into his shirt and pull out a handful of dog tags. He reached up tentatively and touched them. James still wore his too. 

He tried calling out to James inside again. He projected as much inner peace as possible.

“ James, our handler needs you again,” he thought. “ We need to rescue him. Please. We need your help.”

James heard him finally and started coming close. He continued to beckon him in until they slid into sync.

Bucky let out the scream inside him as he curled in on himself until he was little more than a ball. Zemo was gone. 

“Shh, James,” he soothed. “John Walker needs our help.”

Bucky didn’t understand. All he understood was how badly he hurt. He wanted to dive back inside his head and hide. 

“Hey, Bucky,” John said from very nearby. So nearby that he felt the man rubbing his back. Bucky jumped back in fright and surprise with his eyes going wide and wild.

The other man held his hands up and said, “Relax, Bucky-- As much as you can. I know, I know… You’re terrified. I can see that. But if you want to get Zemo out, then we need to make a plan. And you’re the one with the memories.”

“He’s going to help us, James,” he said softly and reached up to stroke his cheek. “Our handler needs us to get calm. We cannot rescue him if we’re afraid.”

“You can talk to one another out loud?” John Walker asked curiously. 

“We are in sync,” he explained simply. “He can hear me and, if he speaks, I can hear him.”

John Walker nodded slowly and then cracked a smile as he said, “Well, you’re officially nuts in my book but that’s okay. It’s a big club.”

“Thank you for understanding,” he murmured as he moved them closer again. The back rubbing may help James too. John Walker seemed to understand that too and started again.

“I don’t really know all about what happened to you, buddy,” John Walker admitted. “But I know a guy doesn’t turn up speaking Russian and trying to assassinate his best friend after a happy life. If I can’t sleep through the night because of what I saw on deployment, then I can’t imagine how you cope with what happened to you. If nothing else-- I mean you’re missing a fucking arm.”

Bucky was finally acclimating enough to ask, “Are you taking lessons from my fucking therapist?” 

“No, idiot,” John said sarcastically. “I’m trying to be your friend. ”

For some reason that just caused Bucky to start crying again. This would be his luck. Falling apart in-- He wasn’t even sure where he was-- Falling apart with only a guy he hated up until recently to hold him together. He needed Zemo back so badly. There was no way he wouldn’t actually go nuts if he was stuck with this jackass for too long. 

“God, you’re a fucking crybaby,” John prodded but his voice was gentle. “Come on, Buck. The guy isn’t dead. He’s in prison. You broke his ass out once! Let’s do it again. Or are you telling me the Winter Soldier can’t pull off a little prison break?”

“Fucking, how, John? It’s the Raft. I have no idea how Steve got in the first time,” he snapped.

John blinked back at him and dropped his jaw. “So you’re telling me Rogers has already broken in and done this?”

“Yeah,” he muttered. “After they arrested some of the Avengers for breaking the Sokovia Accords. He rescued Sam, Barton, Wanda, and Scott. But that was him and Natasha and they’re both dead.”

John jumped up and clapped his hands together. “What the hell are you talking about? Yeah, they’re dead, but the other four aren’t! You’re a fucking Avenger, Bucky. Call them. Either they’ll help or they can tell us how Steve did it and I’ll help. We’re two super-soldiers and you’re a legendary assassin. We’re basically the same combo as Rogers and Romanoff only we're up one super-soldier.”

Bucky pressed his face into the sheets of the bed and hissed, “Are you always this fucking enthusiastic? I’m-- I’m trying to be miserable here.” But the man had already done his job. He could feel the panic receding as he realized John was right. Zemo would be fine on the Raft until they got there. And they would get there.

He could do this. He didn’t have to do it alone either, which was a huge plus. 

He fixed John with an assessing stare and asked, “Your wife is going to let you go break into one of the most secure prisons on Earth?”

“She’s a rockstar,” John confirmed with a nod and a grin. “She’s probably your biggest fan. When she found out that you didn’t turn on me in Riga-- Well she’s grateful. She wants to invite you to dinner. No way in hell is she going to let me leave you hanging when you helped me-- helped me get revenge for Lemar.”

Bucky swallowed hard at that. He was proud of John and that was a weird feeling. He’d only ever been proud of Sam and Steve before. And thankful. He was thankful that the other man was doing this for him. 

John sat back down and leaned in to ruffle Bucky’s hair which immediately ruined his opinion of him again and brought a glare back to his eyes. 

“Don’t get all sappy on me, old man,” John provoked. “I literally just calmed down two versions of you. No wonder you need Zemo to take care of you. He’s gone for a few hours and you’re a fucking mess.”

Bucky muttered, “Are you a professional jackass?” 

Still, he sat up and grabbed his phone from the side of the bed. He looked around and realized they were in a hotel. Probably still in New York. 

He had about a dozen missed calls from Sam. He clicked one and called the man back and put the phone on speaker.

“Bucky?!” Sam answered in a single ring. “Where the hell are you, man? I saw the news about Zemo. What the hell happened?”

“The-- The Power Broker,” Bucky choked out. “He tipped off the police because we killed Nagel.”

“Fuck… Okay, so, listen--”

He growled into the phone at the sound of Sam’s tone. “Don’t you dare try to ask me to leave him there.”

“I wasn’t going to, Buck. But you have to admit this is tough. How are you going to get the man out of the Raft? I don’t think Ross is going to cut the man slack for ‘good behavior’,” Sam continued with a sigh.

“How did Steve do it?”

“I mean he had Natasha. Who the hell knows how she does shit? All I know is he knocked out some guards and got us out to a waiting chopper. How they found it and managed to get into the airspace without getting shot down… No idea.”

“Sam--,” he started and stopped as he dropped his head down. He couldn't ask Sam to help. He’d just become Captain America. “Do you know anyone who could help? Wanda? Scott? Barton is retired now, right?”

“Not even gonna ask, Buck?” Sam asked, sounding disappointed.

Bucky shook his head even though the other man couldn’t see it. “Sam, I can’t ask. You’ve got this whole Captain America thing going now and you don’t need to be seen breaking out criminals. I’d ask T’Challa but I can’t ask him to help me save the man who killed his father; no matter how generous he’d been to let him free.”

Sam sighed again on the other end of the line and said, “Well, Wanda is MIA last I heard. Start with Scott. The guy is an ex-thief himself. Any guy who came up with a ‘Time Heist’ is crazy enough to help you break into the Raft.”

“Alright,” he agreed with a shaky breath. “Can you get me the location?”

“And here I thought you weren’t asking for my help, man?” Sam asked with amusement. “Yeah, I’ve got you covered. Would I honestly be Cap if I didn’t help out a fellow Avenger in breaking some laws?”

Beside him, John jolted and then hissed, “Wait are you telling me Rogers did break people out of prison? That is something Captain America would do? ”

Bucky gave him a deadpan stare and said, “You’re real quick on the pickup aren’t you, John?”

“Walker’s there?” Sam wondered, sounding surprised. 

“Yeah. I accidentally adopted him. You know any buyers looking for a neurotic golden retriever?” Bucky snarked and John punched him in the shoulder. 

Unfortunately for him, he punched the vibranium one and harder than he probably expected so he ended up pulling back shaking his hand. Bucky didn’t have any happiness left in him, but he knew he’d have found that funny if he did. 

“ ...Are you fucking telling me after taking this long to crack that Siberian permafrost around your heart you’re out here replacing me?” Bucky could hear the man smiling. 

John quipped back, “You can have him on the weekends, Sam. Nice suit, by the way!”

“Look,” Bucky said seriously. “We can all have a party as soon as Zemo is safe. Until he’s off the Raft, I’m not up for the games. By the time the shock settles, I’m going to be very, very pissed off and there’s not much we can do about it. You know what? I’m already pissed. Who the fuck is the Power Broker? Because I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

Sam didn’t say anything at first. Then, quietly,  “Speaking of… Buck, did you kill those Flag-Smashers?”

Fuck.

“I did,” he answered, taking over for James. “It was self-defense, Sam. They attacked James and I had to defend us.”

“Don’t-- Can you not do the switching thing on the phone? When I can’t see you, that’s weird. Also, self-defense? You blew the fucking truck up.”

John’s face lit up with recognition and he started waving his hands.

“What ?” Bucky asked, startled because he didn’t remember blowing anything up.

John finally had enough of the charades and hissed, “Ix-nay on the Omb-bay Alk-tay. Zemo .”

He didn’t understand a word of what the idiot was saying, but he understood the implication. Zemo got the rest of the Flag-Smashers for them. How was a different question entirely.

Recovering, he said, “Sam, I only killed two that attacked me and I didn’t do anything involving blowing up a truck. Not me.”

“So was it Zemo?” Sam asked next. 

Bucky grimaced and lied, “How could he? They had him on the way to the Raft. No, we left him on the parking garage with the sniper.”

“You didn’t mention the sniper at the time, Buck. What the hell are you getting yourself into with him? And even in self-defense, I thought you didn’t kill anymore.”

He scrubbed a hand over his eyes and groaned. This wasn’t how he wanted this to go at all. He was hoping to get the mission done and just fade into obscurity for Sam. The other man had duties now as Captain America and he didn’t need a relapsing assassin getting him into trouble. 

“I did what I felt I had to do, Sam. They were burning those hostages alive in the truck,” he ground out through clenched teeth. “It was only two of them and only when they tried to kill me first. Zemo killed Batroc but it sounded like he had you on the ropes at the time. He probably was just looking out for you.”

Sam let out a noise. “Yeah… He also paid off my sister’s home for her. Found that out today. He’s richer than sin, but if he ever tries to hold this shit over my head--”

“He’s stuck on the Raft,” John cut in with a frown. “How the hell does he hold it over you from there? I don’t know the guy that well, but he doesn’t seem the type to blackmail using family members.”

“Look, I’m just saying-- Don’t let him drag your ass back down a dark path, Buck. I know I’m not talking you out of rescuing the guy, but trust me on this: just take the asshole and go retire to Sokovia. You want to be happy with him? Then go get him and then go be happy,” Sam finished softly. 

Easier said than done when there was the Power Broker on their tail and Левиафан just around the corner. Левиафан may not be after him yet, but in time they would be. No. Bucky wasn’t done fighting and he still had a mission. 

“Thanks for the advice, Sam, but I’ve got work to do. Work that I personally need to see done. This is why I’m going my own way and letting you go yours. This is my fight,” he said firmly. 

“Buck, you don’t have to go it alone.”

John spoke before Bucky could respond and asked, “Who said he was alone?”

They looked at each other and John held out his hand. Bucky looked at it for a second before clasping it with his own and squeezing. 

It took Sam a long time to respond again, but when he did he sounded fond as he said, “Alright, man. Walker, you better take care of him. He’s old and he doesn’t get things sometimes. He’s nuttier than a fruitcake. And don’t get me started on the fact he’ll start making out with his boyfriend in front of you--”

“Alright, goodbye Sam. Get me that location!” he barked into the phone and hung up. 

John was looking at him, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, and was smiling softly. 

“He really cares about you,” the other man pointed out. 

Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I know. I’m just an old prop he inherited from Steve, but I know he cares. He doesn’t really get it though. The whole switching thing freaks him out. Which-- You seem to be taking in stride.”

“I knew you were batshit crazy the first time I ever met you, Barnes,” John said with a shrug and a grin. 

He grew more serious as he continued, “The fact that you’re walking around switching identities is just par for the course. I’ve seen guys come back from a deployment and be unable to believe their neighbors aren’t terrorists plotting to kill them. War and killing do things to the mind. Sam knows that too, but his bar is probably lower on the weirdness scale.”

“You weren’t a bad pick,” he mumbled and looked away when it became hard to meet John’s earnest gaze. 

He’d hoped John wouldn’t be able to tell what he said, but the other man grinned again. “Oh, man, care to say that again?”  

“You want me to go back to hating your ass, Walker?” Bucky deadpanned. “I could easily go back to hating you. Now let’s go find Scott Lang. Because I swear to God, you’re not gonna like me when it finally hits that I’m back to me without Zemo. To quote the big guy, you won’t like me when I’m angry.”

John stood up and clapped him on the shoulder as he joked, “And you called me ‘Captain Anger Issues’? Alright, old man, let’s get started.”

Chapter Text

Finding Scott Lang wasn’t a problem, but dealing with him sure fucking was and Bucky was at the end of his patience. No one told him that the guy was such a piece of work. Even John was annoyed with him. 

“Uh, sorry,” Scott emphasized with a note of legitimate fear intermingled with his sarcasm. “I have been to prison twice and I am not going back. I only needed to be on the Raft once to know I didn’t want to ever go back.”

Bucky’s last thread of patience snapped and he punched directly through the brick wall behind Scott’s head and growled, “I don’t fucking care what you want. You’re going to help me or I swear to God the next punch is through your skull.”

“Listen, Lang,” John said as he leaned against the wall to Scott’s side to box him in. “Our friend Bucky here is tired, hungry, very fucking unhappy, and kind of unstable. We need to get to the Raft and we need someone who’s been on the inside. Or, you can just tell us how Steve did it.”

“I don’t know, Mr. Former Captain America,” Scott explained with his customary nonchalance. “Captain Rogers, the real Captain America in my book, by the way, just showed up and broke us out.”

“The love of my life is on that fucking Raft,” Bucky hissed. The Soldier was pushing against his consciousness with the eagerness to beat Scott Lang to a pulp. 

Bucky hadn’t slept, hadn’t eaten, and hadn’t felt a scrap of happiness in days. He was lonely, miserable, and afraid for Zemo. If Lang didn’t start getting helpful soon, he was getting a stomach full of vibranium when Bucky shoved his fist down his throat. 

They were now in San Francisco, on the opposite side of the country from where they needed to be, chasing the lead on this guy.

“Please help me,” he finally bit out painfully slow. “My everything is there.”

John looked at him contemplatively and reached down to unholster his gun and press it to Lang’s temple. As far as wingmen went, he wasn’t the worst.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Scott shouted. “ Hold on. Unfair guys, I’m not even in my suit. I’m being kidnapped by two psychopaths and I’m not even allowed to be in my suit for this? I feel like I’m really getting a raw deal here. You’re both way scarier than I am, so can I have the gun? Seems fairer than this.”

“Do you want to meet the Winter Soldier, Lang?” John asked casually. “Because we could get him for you and you can explain why you’re not willing to help save his favorite person. I’m telling you right now: start getting on board.”

Scott gaped at both of them in horror, but Bucky had to marvel how he could still manage to look like he was hamming it up. 

“Fine, okay! Do I get to call my daughter and explain why her dad won’t be at her school play?”

Bucky glared so intensely that Scott followed up with a quick, “Okay so the play was a lie, but I do want to call my daughter and girlfriend. And I’ve kind of got something planned for tomorrow, so it’ll have to wait until after so--”

“What could you possibly… have planned that is more important than this?” he snapped.

Scott shrugged and glanced back and forth between the two men again anxiously as John pushed the gun closer. “Helping out another psycho assassin friend.”

“You have more than one?” John asked incredulously at the same time that Bucky sneered, “We’re not friends.”

The man chose only to answer John as he explained, “Yeah, I do and she’ll literally die if I don’t so priorities, right? Since I can’t stop you from kidnapping me, can you at least let me take care of this first?”

Bucky pulled his fist back from the wall and covered his face. “Fine, but either you come willingly tomorrow or I come for your head. Got it?”

“Loud and clear, Mr. Winter Soldier, sir,” Lang announced with a mock salute. 

He glanced at John and muttered, “Just blow his head off.”

John didn’t, naturally, but pushed Lang away from them. He said sternly, “We know where to find you, Lang. Don’t bother running.”

Scott saluted again and quipped, “You got it, Mr. Not Captain America.”

Bucky whipped out one of his knives and threw it to the space just left of Lang’s head. It ended up buried to the hilt in the brick. Scott yelped and hurried off without another word. It marked the smartest decision he’d seen out of the man yet.

John leaned against the wall again and asked lowly, “You sure about this guy?”

“Not even slightly,” Bucky said, half defeated as he rested his forehead against the brick. 

“Hey,” John called quietly. “Bucky, you need to sleep. I don’t care if you wake up screaming every hour. You are going to break down if you keep going like this. You’re a fucking mess. If Lang doesn’t pan out, we’ll find another way.”

He let loose a shaky breath and said what he’d been saying for the last day and a half, “I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I don’t know if I can honestly even exist without Zemo at this point. I feel like there’s no point.”

John was quiet for a few minutes before saying, “Okay. Let buddy out then. You go rest inside.”

The other man had taken to calling the Soldier ‘buddy’ and had more rapidly picked up the nuances to Bucky’s personalities than expected. It only took one explanation and the man was already calling the two by different names and could generally tell when they swapped. Though it was getting harder to tell because both of them were hurting so badly their eyes both screamed. 

He could tell John was burying his own problems for Bucky at this point. He’d been so focused on getting Bucky to sleep that when he finally passed out himself the nightmares only allowed him a handful of hours before waking him up. John knew all about screaming, he learned. 

The man was still mourning his best friend and reeling from what happened with Karli and from his trial. And Bucky could only repay him for his help with anger and misery because of how low he was feeling. He owed John big time when this was over.

They had very little going for them so far. Lang was difficult and Sam had no news yet. Everywhere they went, people stared at John in terror. It was getting to him, Bucky could tell, but the guy was too proud to say so. The killer Captain America and the Winter Soldier. They made for quite the duo currently. 

One thing they did have was Oeznik, who was still waiting with the plane when Bucky took John to the airport. The old man hadn’t been even slightly shocked to see him even after the news of Zemo’s capture. He’d just fired up the plane and taken them to San Francisco on the drop of a hat. 

They also had the remnants of the weapons and gear that Zemo hadn’t been caught with. Had been still in Walker’s truck that Bucky later found out was a rental. If Zemo had been caught in it, they’d all be on the Raft at this point. 

So they had the guns and the butler and the plane. Which wasn’t nothing, but it wasn’t an infantry team either.

“No, I’m fine,” he murmured finally to John. “Let’s go back to the hotel. I’ll try to sleep.”

John clapped him on the shoulder and turned him around to start walking back to the hotel they were based at here.

When they arrived, he did try to sleep. He even tried to let the Soldier out to sleep in his stead, but they both had the same problem. They couldn’t sleep without Zemo or at least knowing the man was safe. So they tried to eat instead. It was a painful process because it was basically force-feeding himself. Bucky couldn’t manage without throwing it back up, but if the Soldier stayed in control he could keep it down.

By the time it reached the next day, Bucky had been without Zemo for over 48 hours and he was nearly at the end of his rope. His temptation to do anything to get Zemo back was high. It didn’t matter who had to die. 

They hunted down Lang again and found him on the roof of a parking garage with his van and three others. Bucky recognized them as Lang’s girlfriend and her parents from Stark’s funeral. 

“Oh, no no no,” Lang sputtered as they approached. “Not here, guys! Seriously. We’re doing that thing I mentioned yesterday-- You’ve got my full attention after this is over, okay? Let’s not get weird.”

John crossed his arms and barked, “Well then get on it, Lang. We don’t have eternity.” Bucky just backed him up with a stare and crossed his own arms. 

Scott smirked at them. “Woah, you guys are like twins! Except, y’know, the hair and face. But you’re both so grouchy.”

They gave him twin glares for the effort and stood back to watch. Lang was sent into the van with a container and came out with it announcing it was full. Whatever the hell this was, Bucky was too out of touch to understand. He didn’t often feel stuck in the 1940s, but this was a little much. 

Lang approached when his little experiment was over and waved the canister at them. “Okay, I have to go deliver this and then you’re free to kidnap me. But I’m telling you, that I don’t know anything, okay? So if I’m useless, you’re not allowed to kill me. And if things go South, I am definitely ditching you.”

“Let’s go,” Bucky agreed in an empty voice. “Where do we need to take it?”

“Uhh--,” Lang said with an awkward expression. “Not sure you want to meet my friend. She’s kind of a lot. Really unstable.”

Neither of them even dignified it with an answer and just kept glaring until Scott held up his hands in surrender. 

“Okay, suit yourselves,” Lang muttered. “But she’s not gonna love meeting you, I bet.”

Lang took them to some rundown apartment building that left Bucky wondering if the idiot was going to try to mug them. It didn’t look like anyone lived here. Though if this was a ‘psycho assassin’ he supposed he could imagine one living in a place like this. 

The man knocked on a door while Bucky and John boxed him in from behind. Scott was just so annoyingly calm. It was like he was impervious to menace. 

“Hey, Ava!” Scott called when no one came to the door. “I’ve got your-- Door Dash order.”

Bucky felt his stomach drop out at the name. He grabbed Lang by the back of his collar and dragged him backward as he hissed, “Did you just say Ava?”

Scott just side-eyed him and nodded frantically. “Uh-- Yeah. You-- You know her?”

“Depends,” he continued to whisper harshly under his breath. “Is this ‘psycho assassin friend’, whose name is Ava, also known as Ava Starr?”

“Yup, that’d be her,” Scott agreed as he continued to nod like a madman. 

Bucky looked up to watch a hand phase through the door. John shouted in surprise and jumped back. 

Fuck.

The hand withdrew and tried again. Her powers must not be in any better state than they were when Bucky last saw her. Or rather, when the Soldier had. Because he’d not seen Ava Starr since his time as a HYDRA operative during the period when he’d been Pierce’s attack dog. 

They had never met, but she was certain to know of him now. Starr was to Nick Fury what he’d been to Pierce. Their go-to agent for assassination when you wanted no trace. But Pierce always wanted to know what Fury was doing; when the woman was deployed, so was he. Starr was good, but she relied heavily on her powers while he relied on his own abilities. 

He’d been able to track and assess her easily. He was tasked with knowing how to neutralize her on the off chance she was ever sent after Pierce. But he didn’t want to kill her now and he was one of the men responsible for the downfall of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

When she finally got the door open, her eyes found him immediately. 

“Well,” she said softly, still staring at him intently. Her expression was simultaneously empty and desperate. She was flickering with intangibility. “Are you here to kill me?”

“No,” he answered immediately with a dark frown. He hadn't even known she was alive.

John was staring at her like she was an alien and he questioned, “What the hell are you doing? What are you?”

Her eyes drifted over to John and she curled her lip slightly but said nothing. Her eyes returned to him and kept staring.

“I’m surprised,” she drawled slowly as she stepped forward, walking carefully. Her steps were measured and confident in their slowness. Practiced in their silence. “I always wondered why Pierce never had you kill me back then. Did he hope to take me for himself? Another monster for his collection?”

She didn’t want a conversation with him. She wanted to talk to the Soldier, so Bucky let him out.

He blinked once as he woke and let his eyes drift around for a moment before locking them back on the woman’s. 

“Um--,” the man that James had been pursuing said, but they ignored him. “Okay, this is awkward. Ex-girlfriend?”

“Ex-coworker,” she said calmly as she moved and flickered. “Though, I suppose we worked in different divisions, didn’t we? Winter Soldier?”

He didn’t respond. He kept watching her move. He remembered the way she fights. He’d never had to engage with her during his time with HYDRA, but he’d always been ready. This was a fight he was better prepared for than most he had ever encountered. 

“Well? Answer me, Soldier,” she demanded softly. Everything about her was quiet.

John Walker stepped in front of him and snapped, “He’s not like that anymore.”

She continued to circle them until she ran up against a wall and, then, she went through it and emerged on the other side. He continued to turn to keep his eyes on her. If he lost sight, she would kill him in seconds. She could reach inside and do damage without even needing to punch. A simple touch was all she needed. 

He moved in front of John Walker. His friend didn’t know what he was up against.

“Buddy,” John Walker hissed. “What the fuck is she?”

“Well, I call her Ghost!” the other man chirped brightly. “But we can call her Ava. So, uh, Ava? These are my buddies. I mean-- technically, they’re kidnapping me. But they let me bring your energy first. So let’s not go all Indiana and the Temple of Doom on them, okay?”

“Your eyes,” she breathed as she continued to move. “I see your pain, Soldier. Who gives your orders now?”

“He’s got better orders,” John Walker said angrily. “If you’re about to start a fight, lady, we’re going to have a problem. We’re having a really bad week.”

“My new handler,” he answered. “Who gives yours?”

Her eyes looked lost but her mouth twisted in something between a smile and a frown. She shrugged and said, “No one. I’m free.”

“I’m sorry,” he said and meant it. Being free was frightening for people like them. 

Her eyes finally left him to slide slowly over to the man with them as he stood behind him. She walked forward towards him on her way to the man and then right through him. The hair on his arms stood straight up as she phased through him. 

She reached out and took the canister the man was holding as he turned back to watch her. She opened it and briefly glowed incandescent as she absorbed whatever was inside. When she was done, she was no longer flickering. 

“A cure?” he asked.

“No,” she said in a whisper. “A bandage on a hemorrhaging wound.”

He said again, “I’m sorry. S.H.I.E.L.D. made no better handlers than HYDRA.”

John Walker looked between them and asked, “She’s like you?”

“Yes,” she confirmed as she watched her own hand holding the canister like she expected to lose grasp on it. “We were effectively two sides of the same coin. He was HYDRA’s most secret weapon and I was S.H.I.E.L.D.’s. While they kept him docile by destroying his mind, they kept me docile by promising me relief. By promising me a cure. I suppose I got the better deal. At least they didn’t rape me. I’ve read your files now, Soldier.”

John Walker drew in breath sharply and immediately reached out to grab his shoulder. He didn’t pull. Just touched. This revelation troubled his friend. He frowned.

“They didn’t use a machine to scramble my thoughts and memories until I complied,” she continued as she resumed pacing. “They didn’t lock me in a tube for seventy years. They just let me believe I was going to die without them for my entire life. They just warped and corrupted my sense of justice. Stole my very soul. Does it help, Soldier? To know it was just orders for you? To know you had no choice?”

He stared blankly at her and said, “No.”

She smiled but there was no joy in it. She looked to the man with them asked, “Kidnapping you say? And where do they plan to take you?”

“The Raft,” he answered simply. There was no benefit to lying. “To rescue my handler.”

“Handler? Uh-- Am I the only one getting freaked out by how little he’s blinking? Barnes? Mr. Bucky?” The other man’s voice was rising with slight panic. 

“Look at those eyes... They really did make a monster of you, didn’t they?” she whispered with her strange smile. “Tell me, Soldier, are you happy now?”

He nodded. “When I have my handler. But every second you speak is another moment I am separate from him. Am I going to have to kill you?”

She bit her lip and smiled again. “The Raft you say?”

He watched her make another full circle around them as she said, “Do you know, Soldier, I owe you quite a bit. If you hadn’t made such a mess of trying to kill Steve Rogers, S.H.I.E.L.D. may still stand. And I’d still be a prisoner to it. Who are you freeing from the Raft?”

“My handler’s name is Helmut Zemo,” he clarified bluntly. Her eyes brightened at his name even as the other man started to panic in earnest.

“Did you just say Zemo? I tap out. That guy tore the Avengers apart. Didn’t he just kill someone in New York?” the man prattled on in confusion.

The woman finally stopped, tossed the canister in the air, and allowed it to fall through her waiting hand. “One freed prisoner for another. I don’t like to be in debt, Soldier. When do we leave?”

“Now.” He allowed James to return to control finally. Their conversation was over.

Bucky woke up to hear Scott cry out, “Hey! Watch the-- Come on, man. That was my fifth favorite shirt.” 

John had him by the collar and it looked like Scott had tried to either duck and run or sneak away. The man was squirming in John’s hold and yelped, “Are you seriously telling me you’re roping me in to go rescue a terrorist from prison? Just Ant-Man and his three psycho friends? This is like something out of a horror movie. You’re not even the real Captain America. I call bullshit!“

Chapter Text

Getting Scott Lang on the plane was no small feat, but, once John picked him up and tossed him aboard, they were on their way. The man shot him a grin as he did it and said, “Okay, the serum is pretty cool sometimes.”

They settled in for their long flight in different parts of the plane. Scott immersed himself in watching TV, Ava took a spot in the very back with the wall behind her, John was walking around aimlessly lost in thought, and Bucky was at the front as far away from everyone else that he could yet. He could still feel Ava staring from her place on the opposite side of the plane though. He shot her a glare and received nothing more than her intense gaze in return.

Scott and Ava both had their suits and John still had his onboard, but Bucky needed his. As much as he didn’t look forward to sliding back into his old gear, there was no better toolkit for his skill set. They weren’t going toe to toe with a strong teenager this time. He needed his gear to be familiar and efficient. Which meant they needed to go to D.C. before heading back to New York. 

He hoped that at least one of the old HYDRA bases was still intact. They kept gear for him at every base in case he needed to restock on weapons or bullets. 

It was time for him to confront the uncomfortable truth that had been lingering in his mind for some time: who was he? It had once been simple enough to parrot his therapist’s words of ‘I am James Bucky Barnes and I am no longer the Winter Soldier’. It felt good a the time to distance himself from it. It felt like running away from a monster.

But now he was sharing a body with the Winter Soldier and the other was anything but a monster. So did he need to run?

Was the identity of Winter Soldier something belonged to him… or HYDRA? 

It also felt cruel to distance himself from a piece of his other half as simple as a name. It wasn’t like HYDRA could take hold of him again if he slid back into his old uniform. And it was tempting to bring down the rest of HYDRA as the Winter Soldier. Turning their gun back on them.

But could the Winter Soldier be a hero? Could an identity so drenched in blood be a source of justice?

If he took back on the mantle of Winter Soldier, the world would fear him. Without question, the assumption would be that he was back to being a puppet. Probably for Zemo. But he had his eyes on the Power Broker, HYDRA, and Левиафан. There were so many enemies and some of them the Avengers didn’t even know that all of them existed . Bucky wasn’t naive. If he started digging into those three, he’d find more. 

The Power Broker was a dead man; that was a given.

All of this had started in Madripoor in Selby’s bar. The Winter Soldier had been born again there and it was only fitting that it was the Winter Soldier who ended that miserable fuck for locking up his lover. And for getting Nagel to start pumping out super-soldier serum for purchase. Whoever he was, he didn’t care who got hurt when it came to his money.

John sat down beside him during his musing and reached out to pat him on the back. He didn’t flinch anymore when the man did it. It seemed that John was a very tactile person. 

“I’m not going to ask you to tell me now, but I want to know what they did to you,” John murmured. Bucky glanced at him. The man looked deeply troubled. Probably as a result of the conversation with Ava.

He shrugged. “I can just tell you. Those aren’t the memories that haunt me.”

John dropped his head to his other hand and muttered, “ Jesus .”

When he recovered, he said, “If that’s not the shit that haunts you, I’m afraid of the shit that does.”

“HYDRA used me for whatever they wanted,” Bucky explained. “It’s not like they were thawing me out of cryo to fuck me but while I was out they had their fun. I was a good soldier. I did what I was told and didn’t complain. They would put me into a machine that applied shocks to my brain to force it to empty short-term memory and damage long-term memory. It didn’t destroy the memories but it forced me to suppress them deep which allowed them to basically wipe any trace of my personality out when it started to peek through.”

“They trained me like a dog to respond to commands and orders. They tied my ability to be happy or feel good to words they controlled. It’s not like I can look into a mirror and tell myself to be happy. Unless someone uses the trigger words on me, I don’t actively view them as a handler and their commands don’t work. Not to say-- I mean the commands don’t work on me anyway. But they still work on the Soldier.”

John made a noise of worry. “Bucky… You’re sure that Zemo isn’t pulling your strings right?”

Bucky glared at him darkly.

The man huffed and crossed his arms. “I’m just looking out for you, okay, asshole? If I went all sleeper cell, broke free, then started dating the guy who sleeper cell’d me, I’d hope someone had the courtesy to ask if I was being controlled. Zemo doesn’t seem the type to get into a relationship if he was controlling you anyway.”

“He makes it so I can feel happiness,” Bucky muttered softly. “I can’t make any naturally. So now I’m pissed off, lonely, and depressed after being on cloud nine for a while.”

“You gonna do like Sam said and retire to go be an old married couple somewhere when this is over?” John asked in a curious tone. “No offense, but neither of you seem the type.”

“That woman you met after your trial--,” he started to say and John cut in to supply, “Val.” 

Bucky nodded and continued, “Val, yeah. She’s part of a Russian organization called Левиафан, or Leviathan. They ran the Red Room which trains the Black Widows. I-- I’d like to see if any of them are still in training. What they do to those girls is no better than what HYDRA did to me.”

John shook his head in disgust. “And to think I was going to hop on board with whatever she wanted. It just felt good that one person in that fucking room-- You know what? Ignore me. If you want help with that, you’ll have me on your side.”

He looked at John and stared. The man was going above and beyond what Bucky asked of him. It was one thing to sign on to be Captain America and another to sign on to go hunt down major players in world political machinations. 

“That’s a whole different mission, John,” Bucky cautioned. “And it’s not going to be pretty. I know you’re trying to find something to point yourself at, but where Zemo and I are headed isn’t for the faint of heart. These are child soldiers. And more ‘sleeper cell’ types. You think they couldn’t break you too if they got their hands on you? Val was interested probably because she wants her own Winter Soldier. I wasn’t a kid when they broke me. With cryostasis and the serum they can keep you as young as they need you.”

John looked back with a bitter smile and intense eyes. “Sounds like all the more reason to take them out. I signed up to be a hero, Bucky. I’ve always wanted to be a hero. I wanted to protect people. Fight so they wouldn’t have to.”

Bucky watched him struggle to find the right words to continue. He reached into his own pocket and pulled out the Medal of Honor he’d taken off the shield and handed it back. John gave him another half-pained look and took it. He flipped it over in his hands and traced it with his fingers. 

“I thought I was fighting for something-- I thought it was all worth it. But that trial? Them dropping me like I was a bad habit? They didn’t want me to be like Steve Rogers. They wanted me to be a propaganda machine. I’ve already been a puppet. I’m-- I’m looking for my better orders.”

John held his hand up and waited. Bucky didn’t hesitate to clasp it and squeeze. 

“Three crazy ex-soldiers against the world,” he muttered but he was smiling. He couldn’t feel happy, but he knew this was an occasion that deserved a smile. “Do we get a snappy team name too?”

“Two and a half super-soldiers?” John suggested with a laugh. Bucky figured it must be a reference because he didn’t understand where the half came in. “The Revengers? The Psycho Assassins?”

“Those all suck,” he declared confidently.

“Yeah, well, I’ve never been great with names,” the other man admitted with a grin. “The Avengers is kind of a tough act to follow.”

The man was absolutely nothing like Steve. There was nothing inspiring or bold about him, but he was alive and he was there. That counted for a lot right now.

“I’m going to take back the identity of the ‘Winter Soldier’, I think,” Bucky said as they lapsed into quiet again. “I feel… strange about it. I used to be so fucking afraid of him. But now I can see he’s a part of me and he’s not a monster. If I’m not afraid of him, then why should I be afraid of being the ‘Winter Soldier’? It’s who they made me, but it’s also part of who I am. I feel like as long as I let that fear control me, then I’m always just waiting for HYDRA to come pick their toy back up.”

John didn’t respond at first. The man just stared down at his feet as he continued to flip his Medal of Honor. 

When he finally did say something, he said, “Winter Soldier is a cool as fuck name. And you’re right; buddy isn’t a monster. Take what they did to you and turn it on its head. Make them fear the Winter Soldier.”

Bucky swallowed down the emotion that started to rise in his throat. John kept speaking lowly, “You know what? I’ll do the same thing. They built me but they can’t control me anymore. What was I? Can’t be Captain America, but I was a US government agent. ‘US Agent’. What do you think?”

He looked at the man and carefully raised his arm to grab his shoulder. “US Agent and the Winter Soldier? Sounds pretty fucking intimidating to me.”

“We’ll do what they can’t,” John said finally with resolve. “What they won’t. ”

Bucky watched him carefully. John’s entire self-worth seemed to be wrapped up in what he believed he should do. He didn’t know how to leave the fight behind. The man could have chosen to walk off the battlefield forever, but he chose to sign himself up for Bucky and Zemo’s fight. 

Once a soldier, always a soldier, he thought again. 

“Your wife is gonna lose her warm feelings for me really quickly,” Bucky mused. “Dragging her husband all over the fucking world. You know we’ll be going to Russia, right?”

“We’ll be fine. I’ve got the world’s best guide,” John shot back with a smirk. “I bet you’re their Captain America.”

“Not exactly,” he said with a huff. “But I-- I don’t know. It feels like home to at least the Soldier. He’s still a big fan of speaking Russian. He’s very eager to go back and save any of the girls still stuck in the Red Room.”

“Well, do you think we could swing by Custer’s Grove, Georgia before we set out? Like I said, Olivia wants to invite you to dinner. It’d go a long way to warming her up to me running off to save the world if she could give you the hug she owes you for saving me,” John said while scratching his neck awkwardly. 

“I didn’t save you, John,” Bucky denied. “I just calmed you down.”

John shook his head quickly and said, “No, no. You saved me, Bucky. That was me on the fucking edge of a cliff so tall that I-- I don’t even want to know what’s at the bottom. Hell, I wasn’t even on the edge. I had already jumped off and you caught me.”

“You reminded me of myself,” Bucky said as he looked away. “I just knew what it was like to be in your shoes.”

“Well, you got my loyalty that day, Bucky,” John promised earnestly. “I’m with you from here on out.”

I’m with you until the end of the line, pal.

He missed Steve. The man had been his best friend. The center of his world. Even hearing something so close to his words from someone else’s mouth hurt. If Steve was here, Bucky would be able to sleep knowing that it would all be alright. He would have had a plan already. It would have been so easy for him. He would have been there to see Bucky through thick and thin like old times. And yet...

The hard truth was that Bucky wasn’t at the end of the line yet and Steve had lied. 

He knew why Steve did what he did. He couldn’t blame him, but it still left a raw and unclosing wound. He wondered sometimes if it was possible to understand and still be angry. He’d found his peace with the shield and Steve’s legacy. But Bucky was part of that legacy too and he was a poor fit for Sam. 

His lips twitched into a bitter smile. 

John saw his expression and asked, “What?”

Bucky admitted, “You and Sam traded Captain America props. He got the shield and you got me.”

“Then I got the better deal,” John answered instantly and Bucky felt his eyes sting.

John didn’t give him a chance to retort as he continued, “And you’re not a prop. You’re the fucking Winter Soldier. And I’m done trying to be Steve Rogers. Neither of us will ever be perfect like him, right? So let’s just be us. Fucked up, crazy, dangerous.”

“Annoying at times,” Bucky added and John nodded before shooting him a glare and pushing on his shoulder. He wished he could feel enough to laugh. He had a sneaking suspicion that if he spent too much time with John when he was happy that he’d grow to enjoy the man’s company.

“Moody, a crybaby, ancient,” John listed off as he ticked them off on his fingers. “Somehow less friendly than his assassin personality.”

“That’s not fair,” he protested with false seriousness. “The Soldier is just very sweet. He was programmed to be malleable. It’s not my fault that I’m just a guy from Brooklyn.”

“Yeah, well, you’re lucky that I have so much patience,” John said with his own facade that cracked with a laugh at his own joke. “Can’t wait until your boyfriend gets out of prison. You need to get laid.”

“Don’t call him that,” Bucky groaned. “It’s fucking weird. But-- Fair assessment.”

“When we go visit my wife, she’s going to invite to stay the night and, I swear to God, if you fuck in my guestroom… Those walls are thin as cardboard. Get a hotel,” John jabbed with another punch to Bucky’s shoulder. He’d learned to dodge the vibranium already. 

Bucky smirked and said, “Oh and we’re very loud too. But it would be rude to decline her hospitality. Get some earplugs, John.”

John slung an arm fully around Bucky’s shoulders and dragged him in to ruffle his hair and Bucky just blinked in surprise. This guy had such a low survival instinct. Or maybe he was just as desperate for human connection as Bucky was because Bucky didn’t stop him either.

Chapter Text

Returning to one of HYDRA’s old bases turned out to be more intimidating than anticipated. He was left staring at the door with a racing heart and a squirming Soldier in his head. His three companions were behind him waiting expectantly.

“So, um--,” Scott started but John looked at him sharply. “Okay, okay, shutting up. But I’m just saying that we’ve been here for like five minutes staring at this point and--”

“What part of ‘shutting up’ do you not understand, Lang?” John snapped.

Ava walked right through him and turned around with a taunting smirk. “Are we going to just stand here? Would you like me to get your prize, Soldier?”

Bucky just muttered, “Don’t call me that,” and kept staring right through her to the retina scanner he’d need to use to get in. These bases had been designed anticipating her anyway. She would trip all the sensors even if she phased in.

He stepped around her and approached the scanner. Looking into it activated the door lock and buzzed with access immediately. Good, they hadn’t been back to this one to wipe it clean. Most of the remaining HYDRA agents had fled the city the moment their names were released. It paid off in spades now. Bucky still owed Romanoff for that.

He led them inside and turned on the power. It was more or less just a concrete bunker but it was stocked with a not insignificant arsenal for HYDRA’s use. Fake police gear, SWAT uniforms and riot shields, S.H.I.E.L.D. gear… Anything they’d need to impersonate other law enforcement or military. And, of course, a set of his own gear.

There was also a memory suppression machine in the back room. Just in case they needed to wipe him on the fly. 

He could still remember his last wipe before fighting Steve for the last time. It did what they wanted. He’d been able to blank back out and nearly kill him. But that last line--

I’m with you until the end of the line, pal. 

Bucky approached the machine and ran his fingers over the restraints. The Soldier was distressed by the sight that he wasn’t even a blizzard; he was more like an ice storm. He could feel his fear leaching through every part of him to the point that his hands were shaking.

“This is what they used on you?” John asked in a tentative whisper. 

Bucky nodded and continued to touch the restraints. 

Ava stepped up beside him and reached out to grab his hand and pull it back away from the metal clamps. Her touch was delicate. He looked at her and met her intense gaze. Looking at her was like looking in a mirror. Face empty, eyes screaming. 

“You’re free, Soldier,” she said softly though her tone wasn’t exactly friendly. “They can’t use us anymore. They can’t hurt you.”

The Soldier wanted out to talk to her. He was drawn to Ava in a very similar way to how Bucky was drawn to John. Bucky let them slide into sync but wasn’t comfortable leaving his other half in control in such an upsetting place. 

He woke to full awareness and looked around at the familiar place. He hoped to never see this machine again. Or, if he had to, then at least he wanted his handler with him. Perhaps they’d need to use one to change his programming one day, but only his handler was worth it. 

Ava Starr reached out and touched his cheek. He met her eyes because it was easier than looking at the things around him. 

She looked through him like he was glass and murmured, “I saw you fight once in this very city. One of your last fights. Perhaps, had you not shot Nick Fury, I would have been your adversary too. Instead, I watched. You’re fearless when you fight. When you kill. But now… when you are safe you fear. Why is that?”

“Fear is not useful in a fight,” he repeated back his old teachings. “I am not currently in a fight.”

“Every day for you is a fight, Soldier,” she hissed insistently. “A fight against the world that will never understand you. A fight against the nature they gave you. A fight against your memories. I know because I am fighting the same fight every single day. You said it yourself: fear is not useful in a fight.”

John Walker approached from behind and touched his shoulder. He looked at him and saw his friend staring back at him with understanding eyes. 

“She’s right, buddy,” John Walker told him in a coaxing voice. “You can make them all pay. Anyone still alive, we’ll get them. You, me, and Zemo. He and I aren’t going to let anyone ever hurt you like this again, okay? And you won’t let them hurt us. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. I’m done losing people.”

“So am I,” James whispered for them. 

He looked back at the machine and remembered the way it made his mind go blank. Remembered how he wanted to cry the moment he heard the word ‘wipe’ in rooms like this. Sometimes this was the only ‘reward’ he got to look forward to from his missions. This machine made him. Perhaps he would still just be one whole person if not for it. It helped HYDRA control him. 

He reached out and touched the armrest again. Then he ripped it off. He dropped it and grabbed the other one. He ripped that off too. Then the body of the chair. Then the electrodes. He broke off one of the arms and smashed the computers attached to it.

“Jesus Christ,” the talkative man said as he jumped away. “Are we worried about this?”

“No,” John Walker snapped and reached out to rip off the other electrode arms and started to help him destroy it. 

Some of the computer screens fell to the ground and Ava Starr shattered them with the heel of her boot. She turned and reached inside one of the power machines and ripped out circuitry. John Walker put his fist through another.

It felt good to destroy it. He only wished he could have destroyed Pierce and all of his old handlers too. 

He was angry. 

They made him a flawless killer, but they didn’t deserve him. Only his handler deserved him. Only friends like John Walker. Only people understood like Ava Starr. People he chose. 

No one would ever, ever control him or James again. No one was allowed to steal more of their life. And no one was allowed to do the same to others. 

“Okay, so we’re just gonna-- Don’t worry guys! I’m good at breaking stuff too,” the talkative man said enthusiastically as he started smashing machinery. 

In minutes, nothing was left of the machine nor any of its components and he felt better. Fear wasn’t useful in a fight, so he made it a fight. Now he wasn’t afraid. 

John Walker stopped breaking things to grab him and pull him into a hug. He let himself be dragged into it. He’d never had a friend before. He’d had allies, but never a friend. James had friends, but this one was his too. He wasn’t like Sam. He never acted like he wanted to talk to James when he talked to him. John Walker never seemed disappointed to find him looking back at him.

“You feel better, buddy?” John Walker asked as he hugged him. 

He nodded and said, “Thank you for helping.”

They pulled away and Ava Starr grabbed his chin to force him to look at her. Her eyes were mischievous this time. She smiled at him. “Now that’s the Soldier I saw that day. Determined. Resolved. You’re free. You don’t need orders to have a mission. We don’t fail our missions, Soldier.”

“No,” he agreed, soft and deadly serious. “I don’t. My handler is waiting.”

He pulled his chin away as he walked to where his gear was stored and began to equip himself. He could hear John Walker and Ava Starr arguing with the talkative man but he drowned it out. He focused instead on stripping out of his clothes to put on his combat gear. Everything had to be replaced. Even his boots were custom. Every article of gear was specifically designed for his brand of combat. 

He strapped on his holsters and harness. He was able to carry a multitude of weapons at once due to his strength. The weight of the guns was negligible and light enough to not negatively impact his reflexes. His clothing was design to be light enough to move while the vest was made of Kevlar for protection. Even his goggles were bullet resistant. 

“Holy fuck,” John Walker exclaimed as he watched him collect his guns. “How many do you need, buddy?”

He glanced at his friend and answered, “As many as it takes. Combat situations require adaptation. My gear was curated to specialize in quick adaptations to the flow of battle. I am unlikely to ever be completely disarmed. And, if I am, I have my strength.”

Bucky had been watching quietly for a while but he chose to add, “I’ll admit that it’s a lot. But trust me, it all has a purpose and I can use it all. It only seems overkill because I’ve actively been trying to avoid killing. When I need to, I want to be equipped for whatever I run into.”

“I also did not sign up to kill people,” Scott blurted out in panic. “What the hell are you guys getting me into? People recognize Ant-Man you know.”

John shot him a skeptical look and raised an eyebrow. “Do they? I mean, I guess I’d heard of you. But aren’t you like C-tier Avenger material?”

“Hey,” Scott gasped. “I literally saved the world, Mr. Captain Anger Issues!”

“Bucky beat you to that one,” John sneered, completely unimpressed. “And he did it better. Keep calling me things and I’ll knock out your teeth.”

Ava cut in with a sly voice and said, “Relax Scott. They won’t even see you. You’re going to be our eyes on the inside. You’ll get to the Baron and feed us info. You have three professional killers to do the killing. S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA, and the US Department of Defense. All the same. No one will be surprised to see us go rogue.”

She paused for a moment before continuing to ponder, “But I suppose it does complicate our Soldier’s pardon and our former government puppet’s citizenship. It won’t matter how smoothly we do this, they will see us. Tell me… have you considered the implications of this?”

Bucky felt something like ice water flood his veins at the thought that occurred. John’s wife. He immediately snapped back into full control out of panic.

He whipped around and looked John in the eye. He could see the man was thinking the exact same thing. But the man just closed his eyes and shook his head as he pulled out his phone. 

“John,” he started imploringly. 

“No, no, no,” John hissed back. “I’m not giving up on this now. I’ll just-- Is there anywhere Olivia could go? Somewhere she’d be safe?”

Bucky couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He gaped at the man like he’d lost his mind. 

“You can’t just uproot your wife for my problem,” Bucky ground out between clenched teeth. “I appreciate all of your help, John. I-- I honestly can’t even begin to think of how to repay you. But I’m not going to do this to you.”

John just shot him a warning look and called his wife while putting the phone on speaker. She answered in just two rings.

“Hey, babe. Is everything okay? I saw the news about Karli. Are you coming h--,” she asked but John quickly cut her off.

“Hey Liv, baby,” he breathed while completely ignoring Bucky who was shaking his head violently. “Remember how I told you about Zemo? Bucky’s boyfriend?”

She answered quickly, “Yeah, I saw he got arrested. John, is he okay? I was worried.”

“No, he really isn’t. We need to rescue Zemo, but baby--,” John started to explain. Bucky didn’t let him continue. He dove forward and wrestled the phone away from him. The man barked, “ Hey! Bucky stop.”

When he had hold of it, he spoke into it, “Hi, Olivia? Nice to meet you. This is Bucky. Please convince your idiot of a husband to drop it. He does not need to get wrapped up in this. It’s going to be dangerous for not just him, but you too.”

“Dangerous how?”

John groaned and scrubbed a hand over his eyes. He yelled, “It won’t be dangerous for me, baby. It’s just that they’ll see us do it.”

Bucky glared at him and continued, “Like he said, they’re going to know it’s us. There’s really no disguising who we are--”

Scott leaned in and called, “Hi ma’am! Yeah, your husband kidnapped me and you’ll both be hearing from my lawy--” The man didn’t get to finish his sentence as John growled and punched him in the stomach. Luckily for Lang, the other had been working on not overusing that strength of his so Scott just dropped with a loud ‘oof’. 

Bucky rolled his eyes and finished, “As I was saying, we’re going to be seen breaking into where they have Zemo. So obviously, John can’t help. I don’t have anyone but Zemo for them to get to, but he has you. They’d hunt you down immediately and--”

The woman on the other side of the phone laughed and Bucky looked up with a blank expression at John. So crazy was on both sides of this partnership. Suddenly he was worried about any kids they may have.

“Mr. Barnes, my husband has been vilified and humiliated by the government for avenging our friend. You stood by him when the whole damn world threw that video up on the internet. Have you seen the comments on some of them? No one cared why he did it but you didn’t let him go. When he needed your help, you answered. And you’re telling me you need him now and I’m supposed to be afraid for me ?”

He didn’t have a response for that.  

She continued, “I knew when he became Captain America what I was signing up for. He didn’t run off and make that decision alone. I had his back then and I have it now. What do you need me to do?”

John muttered from his side, “God I love this woman.”

Bucky thought they were both nuts, but at least they were in good company. He just sighed and handed the phone back to John.

“Hey baby,” John chirped brightly again, sounding victorious. “I need you to pack, okay? Everything important. We’re going to find somewhere safe to send you.”

He covered his face wearily and said loudly, “We’ll send her to Sokovia. Zemo’s house will be safe. Exactly five people know where it is and none of them are telling. Oeznik can fly her there. We need a quinjet for this mission anyway. But she better get comfortable, because it’s entirely possible that she’s not coming back to the States after this.”

“I’ve found something I believe in, Liv,” John told her earnestly. “I actually think we can make a real difference. Not just play dress up for the Department of Defense to bring out to pose for pictures and give interviews.”

“Well, you did always promise we’d see Europe, ” she teased. “ I’m not exactly jumping for joy at the how, but I’m on board with the why. When should I expect you?”

John looked at him and Bucky answered, “Tonight. We’ll get to New York and send Oeznik to pick her up.”

“Aw, I’m not going to get to meet Bucky? Did you tell him I owe him a hug? John, did you remember to invite him to dinner?”

“Yeah, baby. I remembered,” John confirmed. “We’ll meet up with you after this mission and we can do dinner.”

She made a noise of agreement and said, “Okay. John, be safe. Mr. Barnes, please keep my husband safe. He’ll do the same for you if you do.”

“I won’t let anything happen to him,” Bucky agreed with a sigh. “I’m getting pretty good at anticipating when he’s about to do something dumb.”

John laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him, baby. He’s even crazier than I am. You’re going to love getting to know him. You’ll be able to cross so many things off your study list. Plus he’s got those cute old people quirks considering he’s old enough to be a grandpa. He’s always cranky but he secretly craves attention.”

“That’s adorable,” she said with a smile in her voice. “ I can’t wait to meet him.”

Bucky chose that moment to start ignoring the man again and questioning their whole friendship. Was having a friend even really worth it?

“I’ll see you soon, baby,” John said sweetly in parting. “I’ll text you the information you need. Just bring everything you wouldn’t be okay losing.”

“Be safe! Love you!”

“Love you too,” John repeated as he hung up and looked smugly at Bucky. He just rolled his eyes again and let the Soldier back into sync to keep getting ready.

He blinked, awake again, and returned to equipping his gear. He didn’t understand exactly what the problem was with John Walker’s wife, but he understood that someone his friend cared about could be in danger for this mission. And yet, his friend was coming anyway. He would protect his friend with his life.

All that was left was the mask. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands. 

The mask hid all of his emotions besides the ones he could show in his eyes. It allowed him to be a blank slate to anyone who saw him. He considered forgoing it, but it was useful for filtering the air for gas and smoke. And, he wouldn’t feel complete without it. 

Bucky had mixed feelings about the mask, but it was as much a part of his uniform as the rest of it. He wouldn’t be complete without it and he knew it. Still, it felt like a muzzle. A reminder that the Winter Soldier didn’t speak unless spoken to. But that wasn’t true anymore. He could speak whenever he fucking felt like it. 

He put on the mask and rotated his jaw to feel the way it moved with his face. It did not control him any more than the rest of it did. It concealed him but only from his enemies this time. His identity persisted with or without the mask and so did James. 

He turned back to his allies and his friend. John Walker whistled low and raised his hands to clap.

“Now that’s the scary motherfucker I remember from the briefs,” John Walker praised. “The mask really pulls it together. And, y’know, the half dozen guns.”

The talkative man looked horrified and his mouth was curled up into a fearful grimace. “Yeah, emphasis on the scary. Are we really sure about this? I mean, didn’t he try to kill Cap last time he was like this?”

Ava Starr just smirked at the talkative man and taunted, “Don’t be a spoilsport, Scott. You fought Thanos. This is just a little prison break.”

He grabbed an M4A1, attached an M203PI grenade launcher to it, and hoisted it up to lean against his shoulder. 

Bucky felt back in form and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it, but it did feel familiar. He felt prepared and powerful again. It was something he hadn’t felt since the day he fell from the Insight Helicarrier. What he did with this power would be his choice this time. 

He didn’t say anything as he just slid his eyes back to his companions and raised an eyebrow with a slight tilt of his head to the door. He was ready to begin.

Chapter Text

Bucky soon found an odd quirk about himself: as long as the mask was on, the Soldier was out or they were in sync. It made sense, he supposed. The gear was something that belonged solely to his other half. Bucky had things of his own, but the Soldier didn’t. 

Not that he minded. He enjoyed being in tandem with his other half as much as he was currently able to, but it was still something to be careful of in fights. The Soldier would react on instinct in a battle but Bucky was more likely to make the active choice needed to spare someone.

There were some interesting problems in getting into the airport where Oeznik was waiting as well. John was able to get in the normal way, Scott could shrink, and Ava could phase, but Bucky had to sneak in on foot. There was no way the Winter Soldier was getting through even a private terminal with all the gear he had. 

When they were all aboard, he explained the situation to Oeznik who agreed readily to go and collect Olivia. Bucky was beginning to wonder if Zemo had anticipated this situation and told the old man to do as he asked because Oeznik never seemed to question anything.

There was just one last thing to handle. So he pulled out his phone and called Sam.

“Hey man,” Sam greeted as he answered. “I think I may have a lead for you.”

“Thank you, Sam,” he replied but there was some hesitance in his voice as he geared up for his real request. “I sort of need another favor.”

Sam snorted in laughter on the other side of the phone. “And here I was thinking you just called to catch up. What’s the ask, Buck?”

Bucky cringed slightly as he asked, “Could you get me a quinjet?”

“Yeah I think I can make that happen, but I bet you’re not returning it afterward, right?”

“Probably not,” he agreed with another grimace. “Any chance you can just say we stole it? We’re going to need to make a get away on it and I’m not sure how we’d even work out returning it.”

“You sound like you have a plan, Buck, ” Sam mused and almost sounded impressed. “ Did Scott pan out?”

Bucky shot the man watching TV again a glare and muttered, “Yes and no. Yes, he’s here. No, he’s not panning out. Not a fan.”

“Ha, didn’t think you would be. You know this is going to be big right, Buck? Once they get wind of you breaking Zemo out, your pardon is getting revoked. Hell, they’ll even come for Walker. If I know you right, you’ve already accepted that but the Avengers aren’t going to be able to swing in and cover for you this time.”

“I know that, Sam. I’m aware of what this means and now Walker is too. We’ve made arrangements for his wife,” Bucky explained quietly. “I didn’t ask him to come along. He just feels really strongly about going too.”

“Big change for a guy who nearly decapitated Zemo with the shield only a week ago. But what comes next, Buck?” Sam asked with a sigh. 

“We’ve got a plan for that too,” he admitted. “Sam, I’ve got things I need to take care of out there. Zemo and I had planned to do them anyway. This business with the Raft is just a bump in the road. I’ve got some leads on people who need to be stopped. HYDRA is still out there. Fractured but not gone. The Power Broker needs to be stopped.”

“Killed you mean?”  

Bucky closed his eyes and put his head down. “If that’s what it comes to, Sam. I’m not out here starving for blood or anything but, when people like the Power Broker exist, no one is ever really safe.”

“I’ve done my fair share of killing, Buck. When the situation calls for it. But I don’t go on manhunts with the intent to track someone down and kill them. Steve didn’t either.”

“And that’s why you got the shield,” Bucky declared with an unhappy smirk. 

“Sam, trust me on this. Steve never looked too deep into my past and it worked out. He got about as deep as the Stark’s murders and decided he’d seen enough. There are people out there who-- Sometimes they need someone who is willing to hunt them down. There may come a day where the guilt I feel is more that I didn’t do it sooner than the fact that I did it at all.”

He shifted the gun leaning against his thigh and closed his eyes in resolve again. He was going to redefine the Winter Soldier but the Winter Soldier was a killer. But-- He looked to John who was watching him and to Ava who was still far back on the plane but looking more relaxed this time. At least he wasn’t alone in his methods. There were more ways to be a hero than to be a symbol of hope.

Sam sighed again heavily. “I’ll see you soon, Buck. I’ll get you that quinjet. You know I had hoped when the business with Karli was over that you’d come back to visit and get to know my family. Thought maybe we could move on together. I worry about you, man.”

“I appreciate the loyalty, Sam,” he said truthfully though he felt exhausted. “But I tried to be something else for Steve and it didn’t work.”

“Back when your therapist was doing her little couples therapy on us… You said something. You said that if Steve was wrong about me then maybe he was wrong about you. I need to know this isn’t you self-destructing,” Sam said point-blank and Bucky could hear how carefully the man was dodging asking if Bucky was relapsing. 

“No, Sam. This is me putting myself back together. Get me that quinjet and the location. I’ll see you soon,” Bucky finished and hung up without waiting for a response. 

He groaned and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

John sat down beside him and asked, “You wanna talk about it?”

“I feel like everything I do has to come back to Steve,” Bucky hissed but without anger. It was a  tired and defeated sound. “I take a step and then I, or someone else, has to check if it was something Steve would approve of and I’m tired of that. I’m getting so tired of holding myself up against perfect.”

John hummed in contemplation. “Was he?”

Bucky didn’t follow so he asked, “What?”

“Was he perfect?” John clarified and Bucky stared at him waiting for more elaboration. “Don’t get me wrong-- Rogers was my hero too and I also have problems with comparing everything I do to him. And I don’t know what happened to him but you said once that you saw him do something selfish. What was it?”

Bucky looked away and sighed. He explained, “They had to use some form of time travel to defeat Thanos. I know that sounds crazy--”

“No crazier than aliens wiping out half the universe in a snap,” John injected deadpan.

“But when it was over, Steve needed to go back to put everything back the way it was. He-- He chose to stay there when it was over. He went back to get his girl and get on with life. He was tired and he wanted to stop fighting.”

Bucky could feel John staring at him. He could feel the weight of his eyes and all the questions there. His eyes prickled but he resolved not to cry. He couldn’t afford to keep breaking down. Or at least not without Zemo there. Zemo always seemed to make his breakdowns feel good. 

But John didn’t say anything. They just sat there quietly for a long time. 

Then after what felt like an eternity, John whispered, “Did-- Did he even ask...? Bucky did he even ask if you-- Could you have gone too?”

“He told me he was going,” Bucky confirmed with a shrug. “I suppose the question of if I wanted to go was supposed to be implicit but he didn’t ask specifically. What was I supposed to do? Go back and ruin his happy ending? I knew I couldn’t go back and sit quietly for seventy years while the other version of me was out there being used as a weapon. So I just told him to go.”

He heard the other man swallow heavily next to him. 

“So he just left you? Just like that? Did the ability to time travel just dry up after that point? You had just gotten back from the Blip right?” John sounded angry now so Bucky reached out to put a hand on his back. He could feel him shaking under his palm.

“John-- I’m fine. I’m better than I have been in years. When we get Zemo, I’ll be closer to healthy than I had ever thought possible,” Bucky consoled gently. He hadn’t meant to upset the other.

“No, no,” John snapped but the venom wasn’t in his direction. “Bucky that is bullshit. I fucking idolized that man and you’re telling me just left you behind ?”

“I chose to stay--,” Bucky tried to explain but John cut in again.

“No, you chose not to insert yourself into the happy ending he planned. You sacrificed for him. Bucky I’ve been to the fucking Smithsonian. I’ve read the briefs. You fell from that fucking train for him once. And he couldn’t even stick it out until you were getting better?” 

“I--,” Bucky started. “He sacrificed for me too, John. He became a wanted criminal to protect me in Berlin.”

John shot him an unimpressed look. “Did he? Or was he just dodging the Sokovia Accords?”

“He fought his friend for me. He fought Tony Stark to defend me,” Bucky said sternly. Okay, so Steve wasn’t perfect. But that didn’t make him a monster. Who the fuck did John think he was to be trying to cut him down to size?

“You were his friend,” John insisted heatedly as he turned to grab Bucky’s shoulder tightly. “You, Bucky. I would have never -- I could have never done that to Lemar. And Olivia would never forgive me if I did. I love her with all my fucking soul, but if the option was to abandon the person who needed me most … That’s not just selfish Bucky. That’s fucking cruel.”

Bucky was done listening to this. He snapped back, “I don’t need you getting upset on my behalf, John. Steve had every right to go. He’d sacrificed for everyone on the planet enough. He didn’t need to save me from being sad.”

John looked positively enraged. He bit out, “You. Deserve. Happiness. You deserve to have someone put you fucking first, Bucky.”

“Zemo does that,” he growled back. “See? I’m fine. I have Zemo now.”

“Yeah, you do. And now I have to accept that Baron fucking Zemo has better ethics than the man who shaped my whole self-image,” John muttered darkly. “I wanted to be just like him. I thought he was fucking perfect. When I heard about how he stormed Azzano to save you and your regiment… I thought--,” John trailed off and Bucky was horrified to see the other man’s fists clenched tight and shaking. 

His anger drained out of him and he spoke softly, “Steve was a hero, John. You weren’t wrong to idolize him. I could have asked to go with him but I didn’t.”

John looked at him with a tight frown and empty expression, “The fact that you had to ask means he’s not the hero I thought he was. You don’t believe me? Okay. That’s fine, Bucky. You tell Zemo and see what he says. You’re right though--” The man paused to reach out and grab his hand and squeeze. “You are going to be fine.”

Bucky looked down at their hands and squeezed back a little. There was a part of him inside that knew if he looked too deep, he would agree with John and that terrified him. Zemo mentioned once about putting heroes on a pedestal but Bucky used that pedestal to anchor himself to all that was left of that kid from Brooklyn. 

“Is he still alive?” John asked quietly after a while. His body was still tense and he was still squeezing Bucky’s hand but his voice was calmer.

He shook his head and said, “No. He’s dead now.”

John sighed angrily and muttered, “Probably for the best. Not sure how you’d take me punching an old man.”

Bucky watched the other man for a long moment before asking, “You really don’t have anyone else, do you, John? Lemar was the last?”

“Lemar was my uh--.” John started before his voice caught and he had to swallow. “We went to high school together. He, Olivia, and I. He’d been my best friend for years. We met Freshman year and stuck like glue. We had a crew, of course, but he was my best friend. We enlisted together and managed to stick close.”

“We made other friends on deployment. And when push came to shove, I always protected Lemar first and vice versa. We lost our friends along the way, one by one. Eventually, you stop getting attached. I saved every one I could but we still kept losing people. For everyone I saved, we’d lose two. When we made it back Stateside alive together… I was so relieved. I thought I’d be fine because I’d protected him. But the nightmares came anyway…”

“Turns out that you carry it all inside no matter how hard you work to look at your bright point,” John continued with a bitter laugh and he reached up to touch where the dog tags were hanging below his suit. 

“But he handled things much better than me. His mental fortitude was insane. So when I was at rock bottom, he would pull me up again. When they offered me the chance to become Captain America, he never doubted me. When I asked him if he thought-- What he thought the serum would do to me if I took it… He said the serum made people more of themselves. And he said that I ‘consistently made the right choices in the heat of battle’. We all know how that turned out.” 

John looked at him with a sad expression. “But if he was right then it’s always been my nature to do whatever it takes for my friends. So you’re going to have to put up with me being a little protective, Bucky. I need to feel like I’m doing something for someone.”

Bucky huffed with a smirk and looked down. “Yeah, I can see that. Zemo is a lot like that too. You’re both the sort of people who try to fix things. You both do and I wait. ”

“Yeah, well, you’re an assassin. You’re supposed to be quiet and careful. I’m the hot-headed sort who just dives in and starts making a mess,” John joked softly and Bucky could see the tension finally starting to bleed out of him... “Zemo kind of seems like a planner, though. Imagine the team: Zemo thinks it all over and provides the backing, you infiltrate, and I frontline. We’ll be unstoppable.”

“Yeah,” he agreed and looked down at their hands still held tightly like they were both looking for a lifeline. He supposed they were. “We’re going to be great.”

Chapter Text

After arriving at the airport, it took Sam another hour before arriving with a quinjet but he came through. They chose to put the plane on as remote of a tarmac as possible so that Bucky didn’t have to be seen for long in his gear. As he deboarded and moved to get aboard the quinjet, he could see Sam waiting inside in his own suit. The man’s face said everything when he saw Bucky in his full gear; mask and all.

Bucky just met his stare directly, defiant, and waited. He and the Soldier were in sync and John took a place at Bucky’s right side in his own gear. Ava and Scott stood behind them though he could feel Ava’s attention was glued to Sam.

“Hey, Sam! Great suit! I can't wait to see what you do as Cap! The real new Cap,” Scott chirped but received no reaction. He glanced over to Bucky and nodded. “Oh, yeah-- This happened. We’re apparently not worried about it. I mean, I for one, kind of am but--”

“Holy fuck,” John swore and glared at Scott. “Do you ever shut up? Like ever?”

Scott grinned and said, “I was quiet on the whole plane ride while you two were having your moment. Both plane rides really. But I definitely didn’t want to be here so you get to deal with me.”

John looked at him in exasperation but Bucky was still staring down Sam. 

“Give me one reason, Buck,” Sam asked quietly. “Not to believe you’re off the deep end again. Look at you. You’re seriously willing to go this deep for Zemo? All of this, conveniently, after he makes you pretend to be the Winter Soldier again in Selby’s bar.”

He raised his eyebrow at Sam’s statement and approached silently. He put his words into his eyes. 

I am the Winter Soldier.

He walked around the man and walked to the cockpit to begin preflight checks. He at least wouldn’t talk to Sam. James could do any talking the two needed while he went through the last steps between him and rescuing his handler. 

“Buck, talk to me,” Sam commanded in a stern tone. 

“You’re talking to the other guy,” John offered helpfully but when he looked at the man his grin was a little too sharp. “I call him buddy though I’m pretty sure they’re both listening. When it’s just one or the other their eyes are completely different but when they’re together the eyes narrow and widen depending who you’re talking to.”

Sam’s mouth twisted as he responded, “Yeah I can-- I can usually tell. But I just forget and call him Buck.”

“Kind of rude don’t you think?” John asked with a tilt of his head and an annoyed frown. “Would be like if we started calling you Steve just because you're in the suit. Call him by something different. It gets confusing if you call them the same name.”

“But what if I’m already confused?” Scott asked and John just muttered, “Good. Big shock there.”

Ava Starr wasn’t though as she moved through John provoking the man to jump back. He didn’t like when she did that. She approached him and reached out to touch his mask with her hand.

“So one becomes two,” she murmured as she traced the edge of his mask lightly. “An interesting coping strategy, Soldier. I wonder which of you is more real at this point and which is the creation. And which of you have I been talking with? I assume I know already, but I'm interested to hear you confirm it for me.”

He didn’t answer her either and chose just to stare back. She seemingly took that as her answer and smiled.

“I’m sorry-- Who are you?” Sam asked as he recognized he didn’t know Ava Starr. 

Bucky finally chose to jump in and explain, “She’s a former S.H.I.E.L.D. assassin. She’s going to help us get Zemo. You could say we worked together because she was in S.H.I.E.L.D. while I was with HYDRA but we hadn’t met until this.”

“I owe him for freeing me,” she said mysteriously with one of her classic smirks. “I’m also quite the fan to be truthful. The Winter Soldier is legendary.”

“He’s not--,” Sam started and then stopped quickly as he frowned. “Well, I guess I don’t know that anymore. So Buck, tell me. Are you the Winter Soldier?”

He slid his eyes back to Sam and said it again with his gaze. I am the Winter Soldier.

“Yes, we are,” Bucky confirmed even as the Soldier continued to stare Sam down. “He always was and I am again. I told you, Sam. I have work to do. This is the best way to get it done.”

Sam stalked forward and pulled himself up to full height as he said, “You know in all my wildest damn thoughts, I don’t think I ever imagined this. I knew you were about to go rogue, but going back to being the monster HYDRA made you? What the hell do you think Steve would think of this? After everything he did to save you.”

“Well,” John cut in with a sneer. “Steve isn’t here, is he?”

John stepped up to put himself half between Bucky and Sam so that he and Ava made for a human barrier. He appreciated the solidarity but he didn’t need to be protected from Sam. 

“Uh--,” Scott started but John snapped before he could speak, “Shut the fuck up, Lang.”

“Walker,” Sam cautioned with a raised hand. “Calm down. This isn’t a fight. I’m just trying to look out for Buck.”

“No, you’re trying to control him,” John spat back. “You’re trying to keep him docile and under your thumb. You’re a good guy, Sam. I can see that. But you’re also stupidly naive. That bitch Karli killed Lemar and you mourned for her? You just want to control Bucky so he doesn’t do what you’re not strong enough to do.”

“And you killed an innocent man in cold blood,” Sam snapped in return. “Karli didn’t mean to kill Hoskins but you certainly knew what you were doing.”

Bucky cut in coldly, “No, she meant to kill John.”

He stood up and stepped up beside John and Ava before continuing, “Give me the location, Sam. Then we’re out of your hair. I appreciate that you’re worried, but I’m good. Not just fine, but good. Once I have Zemo back, I’ll be great. I haven’t even been okay for the last eight years.”

“This is wrong, Buck,” Sam said softly; sadly. “They’re taking you somewhere you don’t want to go, man. You were honestly getting better. I thought--”

He sneered beneath his mask. Even hearing that hurt. How could Sam be so blind?

“Do you know why I’m not better right now, Sam? Because I haven’t fucking slept since the moment Zemo got captured. I have barely fucking eaten. I had my few days of happiness for the first time in seven decades and it was ripped away from me.”

“You can’t see my two sides as equal parts of me. I’m finally getting over being afraid of myself and you’re still calling half of me a ‘monster HYDRA created’,” he finished darkly. 

Sam had the grace to look apologetic as he replayed his words. He raised both hands to deescalate the situation. 

“Look, Buck, I’m sorry. That’s not how I meant it. I know I don’t get it, but I care. I honestly do care,” Sam promised solemnly as he dropped his hands to his sides. 

The other man closed his eyes and continued, “But what do you expect me to say? You’re standing in front of me looking like the guy who tore one of my wings off and threw me off a helicarrier. Who caused the deaths of countless innocent people when you attacked us on the highway. You’re a good man, but the Winter Soldier wasn’t.”

John’s frown twitched and he declared, “That’s for him to decide. It’s his name; his identity.”

He tilted his head and met Sam’s gaze fully as he said, “The Winter Soldier was HYDRA’s weapon, but I’m doing the aiming this time. I’m done running from myself and my past. There are too many real monsters out there to be afraid of me.”

Bucky took another step forward and said lowly, ”Give me the location, Sam. We’ll talk later.”

Sam looked tortured for half a second before he reached out and pulled him into a half hug. Bucky staggered for a moment in surprise but allowed it. He tentatively put his arm up to hug back but he felt more confused than moved. 

“The coordinates are 39° 47' 43.1" N 62° 06' 24.6" W,” Sam said softly as he pulled away. “Don’t get yourself killed, Buck. Last thing I need is the guilt of you going and getting killed when we just had a fight. We'll talk it over later.”

Bucky dropped his intense gaze finally and murmured, “Thank you for the help, Sam. We’ll be fine. And I’ll-- I’ll be fine too. I’ve got good people looking out for me. It’s not the path you’re on, but it’s mine and that’s what I was looking for all this time.”

He paused, smirked, and added, “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” The other man looked surprised and then touched as the meaning set in. 

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you,” Sam parroted as he backed off the quinjet with a sad smirk of his own.

The tension bled out of the craft and John relaxed enough to joke, “He’s talking specifically about you, Lang.”

Scott glared at him and took an exaggerated breath in to start speaking. John groaned in anticipation.

The man unloaded all his pent-up thoughts in a single stream, “So I’m allowed to talk now? Well, I’m still very confused and getting more concerned as the mission rolls on. I feel like Steve had better plans. I feel like I make better plans at this point. I mean, you guys don't even have a team name! How can we be a team if we don't have a name? Did you consider 'the Revengers'? And do we really want to save Zemo? Like, really sure?”

Bucky ignored him in favor of returning to the cockpit to let the Soldier return to doing his preflight checks. His other half was still a bundle of nerves from interacting with Sam. 

“You really don’t like Sam, do you, buddy?” John Walker asked quietly as he watched him work. 

He shook his head and met John Walker’s gaze to say: Ally not friend.

If John Walker understood, he wasn’t sure because the man chose to ask another question, “You know you can talk right, buddy? You don’t just have to use your eyes.”

He nodded. He did know, but while his mask was on he preferred to keep communication to a minimum. He’d never had a problem talking with his eyes anyway.

There were fingers in his hair and he looked up to see Ava Starr weaving her fingers in it. He blinked at her to ask why. She just smirked back at him and her eyes said that she did as she liked. 

John Walker looked at her suspiciously and said, “He’s got a boyfriend, Starr.”

“I’m not being any more romantic than your constant touching him, Walker,” she said slyly with a wink. “I just like to touch. I’ve spent so much of my life passing through things. Assassins don’t have many friends. And our Soldier here had even fewer than I did. He doesn’t mind it. If he did, he’d let me know.”

He blinked again and nodded in agreement as he returned to focusing on his checks. He didn’t mind if Ava Starr wanted to touch him.

After a short while, he was able to get them in the air and en route to the coordinates that Sam provided. He put the quinjet on autopilot and cloaked it. 

Bucky started relaying the plan aloud, “When we arrive, we’ll get close enough in stealth for you to drop down, Scott. Once you’re inside you will get to Zemo and start relaying us information on his surroundings and the guards. Stay small and you can tag along on the way out.”

“Ava you will also infiltrate with the goal of knocking out their communications. When they’re dark, Ava you will circle back and get us in to let us land. John and I will take care of getting to Zemo from there.”

“Once we have him, we form an escort to get him out. Ava, you will be our forward operative for the retreat. We’ll board and if they try to close us in, Ava you will phase out to stop them and phase back into the ship. Assuming all goes well, the mission should be done in under twenty minutes,” he finished while trying to sound confident. 

“Sounds very hopeful, Soldier,” Ava mused skeptically. “Do your missions generally go so well?”

“We’ll adapt,” Bucky responded bluntly because, no, they didn't. 

“We’re still clear on the ‘me ditching you if things go badly’ plan, right?” Scott called from the back of the quinjet. 

John growled under his breath but Bucky held up a hand to calm him as he said calmly, “That’s fine, Lang. But let me be very clear: if you abandon this mission while things are salvageable, I will kill you. There is no cell on the planet strong enough to keep me from finding and killing you.”

“Honestly, Mr. Bucky, you’ve changed,” Scott said with mock disappointment. “But yeah-- I read you loud and clear. I’m just looking forward to getting the hell off this crazy train. I'm all for a little fun, but I've been yelled at, tossed around, called by my surname very aggressively, and..."

The man continued to list things, but Bucky just tuned him out entirely. 

“He thinks we’re the crazy ones,” John whispered to himself, incredulous at the audacity. 

They were rapidly approaching their target destination and his insides were squirming with anticipation. He was so ready to see Zemo. The mask would help the temptation to pull him into a kiss the moment they were back in each other’s arms, but only barely. Their few days of peace in Sokovia felt like a distant memory at this point. 

Their next missions would just have to wait until he got a chance to recover with him for a short while. It would be good for John to get a chance to be with Olivia for a while too if they planned to move onto the next fight soon. 

“Nervous?” John asked with a smirk.

“Only to see what Zemo thinks of me taking back on the mantle of the Winter Soldier,” he admitted with a shrug but, in truth, he was nervous about that. What if Zemo saw this as his ‘Karli Morgenthau’ moment with the serum? Did it count as making yourself a symbol if you’d been made into one prior and it was a symbol of dread?

John reached out and clasped his shoulder. “Do you want the honest to God truth, Bucky?”

“Hit me with it,” he muttered. 

“He’s going to think you look hot in that uniform,” John answered bluntly. “I guarantee you the only thing on his mind is going to be that you look good.”

Bucky’s head snapped over to glare at John for making a joke at a time like this. “I can’t believe I legitimately expected you to say something insightful, Walker.”

“Oh it’s Walker again,” John said with a laugh. “Come on Buck, you’ve got better comebacks than that. I suppose at your age you could be forgiven for forgetting them though.”

“It’s more that I don’t always aim to kill against an easy target, Walker,” he sneered but his tone was jesting. “Try not to die here, okay? They won’t be firing rubber bullets. I’ll understand if you want to stay on the ship.”

John made a face of mock horror and gasped, “And miss your reunion kiss? No way! I have my camera all ready to go. Extra points if you cry, you big sap.”

“It’ll be from the joy I get from the look on your face when I shoot you in the foot if you try, jackass,” Bucky shot back with a sharp smile. 

The other man didn’t respond back with another jab but looked over at him with a taunting smile of his own and raised his hand expectantly. Bucky reached over and clasped it tightly. They both squeezed with their increased strength until both their expressions twitched with pain and applied more force as the other increased. After a moment, they broke away from the grasp and each shook their hands out of pain respectively. 

Ava scoffed from behind them but didn’t say anything. Bucky would have to turn to look but he expected she wore an exasperated expression.

Arrival at designated coordinates imminent, the quinjet’s navigation system chirped.

“Time to go to work,” John murmured with a smile and looked again at Bucky. 

Bucky smirked back and echoed, “Time to go to work.”

Chapter Text

They switched to manual control as they approached and Bucky took them in slow and low as they approached the Raft. 

Sam’s coordinates had been correct and they were lucky. The Raft was bobbing above the waves as the Atlantic Ocean surged against it rather than down below the surface where it could have been. It saved them the trouble of Ava needing to find a way to surface it before they could begin. The prison was a strange shape but it didn’t look like it was much bigger than a battleship. Its roof was dotted with solar panels and ventilation ports that were open. It was probably up to charge and refill air before the sun went down, but this still meant that they were on borrowed time.

The problem was that the Raft had closing doors on top to lock out aircraft from landing and only crafts with vertical movement could land at all which meant only quinjets or choppers. The doors were currently closed but Ava would take care of that.

He brought them over top and put them in hover while still in stealth. Once the doors were open, they would briefly lose their complete stealth as the doors allowed a look inside so they needed to be quick.

He got up and walked to the back to prepare to initiate infiltration. Scott was already ready to go with his helmet on and Ava pulled her hair up and put on her own. 

“Stay as nonlethal as you can afford,” Bucky told Ava directly. There was no reason to tell Scott who would ideally be avoiding combat anyway. “These men are just following orders and we need to keep as much bargaining power as possible. If we limit casualties, well, the US government has never been shy at overlooking those when they want our help. We could eventually talk our way out of the consequences.”

“That’s an alarming sentence,” Scott pointed out brightly. “I spent three years in prison for returning stolen money and you’re here trying to get us out of murder convictions.”

Ava smiled slyly at Scott and said, “Get me out of a murder conviction. You’re not here, Scott.”

Scott clapped his hands together with a grin, “That’s what I like to hear! Let’s get this over with then.”

Bucky linked them all up on comms and got a video feed coming in from Scott and Ava’s suits. A final check on their gear and they were ready to go. He returned to the cockpit and took then as low as he dared and opened the loading door. 

“See ya soon!” Scott called over the sound of the thrusters and shrunk down. Bucky watched him jump via the camera as the man was too small to see now. Ava just tossed them a slight wave and phased right through the floor of the door.

He pulled the doors up and brought them back up higher in stealth. Once they were back in hover, he turned his attention to the cameras, where John’s was already glued. 

Ava was already inside having phased in as she fell and gone invisible. She was roaming through the upper level of the prison. 

Scott was just landing as his fall had been slowed by his size, but it allowed him to drop down without a chute. He hit the roof of the Raft and headed for one of the vents that pulled in air from the surface to pump down to the prison below. 

“Careful, Lang,” he warned quietly over comms. “There will probably be a trap at the bottom of that chute to catch water. Fall too far and you’ll be stuck.”

“No worries, Mr. Bucky, ” Scott’s usual cheerful tone came back through the comms. “The suit’s gotten an upgrade recently.”

The man hopped into the vent and was pulled along with the airflow. His speed was slowed enough to allow him time to shoot a cable to anchor himself to the wall as he approached the turn where the air was redirected from the water trap below. He swung himself along with the air current and landed in the flat ventilation safely to continue on.

“I honestly hoped he’d drown,” John quipped lightly and Bucky reached over to punch his shoulder. 

Ava was making good progress in surveying and the data from her suit was feeding back to the quinjet where they could map out the rooms. It looked like the top level was a circle of rooms dedicated entirely to administration which meant the prisoners would be below. Not great; considering that meant they’d likely have a longer run to safety. 

Every hallway had at least one door that was also at least a foot of steel and airtight to prevent water spread in the event of a breach. Or maybe to prevent super-soldiers from busting through. It didn’t really matter, because the effect was the same. They weren’t going through a closed door without Ava there to get it open.

The one thing that did seem hopeful is that the staff was light. A prison like this was so secure it could run on a skeleton crew and it looked like they didn’t spend their days anticipating a prison break from the outside. This limited the body count if things went wrong.

She found the communications room easily and took a position there to wait. He wanted to radio her and tell her good job, but it was risky to reach out to a stealth operative on comms when they were in a room full of monitoring software. He would have to break that once Scott was in position, but they had a few minutes. 

Scott was making his way through the ventilation until he found a redirect that led to a vent pumping air directly into a room filled with file cabinets. He dropped down and landed inside. 

“I’m in,” Scott radioed in a fake Russian accent. “On my way to the target, comrade.”

“Поспеши,” he snapped back. 

“I’m going to assume that was high praise for my accent! Hold on! We’re in luck-- Time for me to catch a ride.”

Scott stopped moving for a moment before a fly zipped down and allowed him to shrink further and climb on its back. The insect took off and Scott was able to control it to take him into the hall and then into the main landing zone of the prison. It was a giant room with a landing pad in the middle. 

“You’re looking for stairs down, Lang,” Bucky directly as his eyes roved the screen. “They’ll be down below.”

“Roger that,” Scott answered as he navigated the fly around smoothly until he found the aforementioned stairs. “Found them! ”

They watched Scott navigate down to the lower part of the prison until he hit an airlock door. 

The man radioed in to ask, “Uh, what now?”

Bucky responded simply, “Wait.”

Before more than two minutes elapsed, a guard came walking down the stairs to do a patrol. He walked up to the door and pressed to open it. The guard got a disgusted facial expression and swiped at the fly Scott was on. 

“Woah,” Scott yelled as he used the fly to dodge the swipe and pull them up high. “Almost makes me feel bad for flies!”

John spoke into his own comms, “Well that makes sense since you already know so much about being annoying.”

“You’re a cold person, Mr. Bottle Cap,” Scott shot back jauntily. “Mr. Bucky, you need better friends.”

Bucky wished he could laugh at the sight of John’s very confused face. The other man muttered, “What the fuck does that even mean? ‘Mr. Bottle Cap’? Does he even hear himself?”

Scott directed the fly through the door after the guard and they found immediately this was a double airlock door. Not amazing for them as that meant they had not one but two barriers of entry and escape. But once Scott was thorough, they finally had their eyes on the prison cells. There were eight cells in total from a first glance. 

He could see four were inhabited but his eyes only locked on one.

Bucky swallowed heavily and his eyes stung as he finally, finally laid eyes on Zemo. The man was sitting on his bed and reading a book. He looked okay. There were no wounds that he could see on him. Zemo had probably surrendered the moment he was surrounded and avoided a fight. 

He reached out to try to touch the hologram screen but his fingers passed right through it. His handler was here. His handler was safe. And the only thing between him and being reunited with his handler was this mission. 

Scott did one more loop of the room to check things out and lost sight of Zemo. Bucky had to suppress the immediate distress that caused him. It wasn’t like the man was gone. 

John must have noticed though because he reached out and squeezed Bucky’s hand. 

“There he is,” John said softly with a smile. “We’ll be out in no time and you can makeout the whole way home if you want.”

Bucky swallowed hard and muttered, “I’d call you an asshole, but you’re probably right.”

“Well, here’s our guy,” Scott said as he took the fly in close to Zemo. “Seems kind of light on security right? They don’t even have any guards posted in here?”

“Look around, Lang,” John responded for him because Bucky was still having a moment. “Everything around you is airtight and made of inches of steel. They don’t need security down there. Well-- Until us.”

Scott responded happily, “Captain Rogers did it first!”

“Did you at least offer to suck him off when you met him, Lang? Because from as over the moon as you are about him, you should have taken your chance,” John said with a sneer. 

Bucky pulled himself together and finally radioed Ava, “Time to get started. Scott’s in position. Let’s go dark.”

She began moving instantly as she walked around to every surveillance machine and reached inside. A second later, the machine sparked and smoked and she’d move on to another. 

Panic erupted in the room immediately as the guards began to jump back and shout. 

“Calm down,” one of the guys in charge shouted. “It’s a power surge. Everything will be fine. Someone go get me an eye on the electrics down below. Make sure we’re not taking water anywhere. Unplug the rest of it and reposition a guard into the cell room.” 

Several men ran out of the room and another rushed over to a radio. Ava made sure to destroy it before he could even begin speaking. The man huffed and slammed the radio with his hand and dangled the transceiver by its cord with a look at his superior officer.

The officer sighed loudly and said, “Okay, radio’s out too. We’re operating without comms. Deliver my orders on foot. Someone get on the phone with General Ross and explain we’ll need technician support and replacement machines.”

That was very fortunate because, if the circuitry was down further below the prison, they would have a portion of guards already out of the way and they would be scattered without the ability to communicate. 

Ava destroyed what was left and made her way down to the hanger to let them in. By now the word was spreading of tech problems as she destroyed everything on her way. She passed an airlock door, made herself tangible long enough to open it, and then ripped out the circuitry from the side. The door stayed open and Bucky felt a surge of confidence. 

“Well done, Ava,” he called into the comms. “Can you let us in and then go disable the rest of the doors between us and Zemo?” She nodded causing the camera to bob.

“Lang, find a way to let Zemo know we’re here. Without causing him to have a heart attack, preferably,” Bucky directed to Scott. 

“You got it, Mr. Bucky! No promises though on the heart attack. How jumpy is he?”

The answer was not very jumpy at all because Scott took the fly in to land directly on one of the man’s pages. Zemo just locked his eyes on it from above but Bucky could tell the rise in tension in the man’s shoulders meant only one thing.

“Scott, quickly!” Bucky barked. Zemo was about to slam that book shut. 

Scott grew to a size that allowed him to still hide inside the book but big enough to be seen and waved. Zemo’s eyes widened and then slid smoothly to the right to glance at the passing guard with no other reaction. When his eyes returned to Scott, he smirked down at him and cocked a single eyebrow.

Bucky’s body twitched with an automatic surge of arousal; one of the few automatic reactions they hadn’t been able to program out of him. Zemo always had to be so fucking seductive when he was winning, didn’t he?

He shifted uncomfortably and John shot him a smug look. Bucky glared back from under his mask. He missed his long hair all of a sudden. It helped him hide his expressions as well as the mask did.

Ava was at her destination but the control booth was manned by an unmoving guard just watching lazily as others rushed around to fix the ‘power surge’. 

She must have decided the others were sufficiently distracted and this man was sufficiently isolated because she grabbed the back of his head and slammed his face down into the desk in front of him. Bucky grimaced. It wasn’t lethal, but that was probably a dangerous concussion.

The man fell to the ground and she crouched down to attach a low voltage taser disc and activate it. The man went rigid as he was shocked into paralysis. 

She returned her attention to the console and activated the release for the doors. 

“Here we go, boys,” she radioed in. “We’re on the clock now.”

They were opening below them so Bucky moved instantly to start lowering them for landing. John hopped out of his seat and got his helmet on and did his last-minute gear checks. They set down and Bucky pressed the release to get the door open as he also jumped up. John passed him his assault rifle and he ducked back against the side of the quinjet to obscure himself. The loading doors lower to reveal several confused guards watching as the decommissioned Captain America stepped off. 

“Sir? Captain Walker,” one of the guards called. “We weren’t expecting you. Are you authorized to--”

John walked calmly up to them like he was in no hurry. When he got in close, he grabbed the guard’s gun and jammed the butt of it up into the man’s chin. The guard beside him moved to shoot, but one punch put him down too. 

Bucky let the Soldier take over and his body was moved to put one bullet in the lower calf of one of the guards who moved to run. He whipped around and got the one going in the opposite direction too. The men screamed and fell but they were alive. 

Ava Starr phased out of the control room and announced, “That airlock into the control room won’t be opening again, boys. Our exit should stay open. Now let me go get the rest.”

He nodded and directed her to the side with his eyes to point to the stairs leading down. She stalked off and they followed. John Walker kicked one of the fallen guard’s guns away as he passed and gave a mock salute. 

Ava Starr broke into a run to clear their path as more guards arrived to get between them and their goal. The men were still confused by the sight of them as they came to see the source of the screaming. 

Two immediately turned around to run away when they saw him, but he moved faster and grabbed one by the shoulder and flipped him back over onto the ground. Another shoved the barrel of his gun forward but he reached up and bent the barrel. John Walker punched the man and sent him flying. He returned his attention to the one on the ground. He took the man’s combat knife from his hip and slammed it through the man’s palm. 

The remaining two were running now, but John Walker intercepted them and ripped the gun away from one, and shot the other in the foot with his own pistol. The disarmed man put his arms up in time to catch the brunt of John Walker’s next punch. He could hear the bones snap as the man also flew away from the force. 

They recovered, discarded the men’s weapons, and continued on after Ava Starr. 

They passed another two incapacitated and groaning guards. One was trying to get up, so he slammed the heel of his boot down on the man’s wrist and shattered it. The guard rolled over and screamed but stopped trying to get up. 

The airlocks were open and they had their path right into the cell room. He stalked forward quickly and put himself directly in front of his handler’s cell. The occupants of the other cells were shouting at them, but their noise was little more than a drone in his head. 

His handler jumped to his feet and rushed to greet him and pressed himself close to the glass with a smile. 

“Hello, маленький,” his handler purred and he felt the urge to cry again come over him at the pure relief. But this wasn’t the time. His handler needed to be taken to safety. 

Hello, he greeted with his eyes. His handler understood and pressed his forehead against the glass to get even closer. 

Ava Starr came up behind him and stared at the keypad to open the cell. She tilted her head and announced, “We’ve got a problem. This isn’t a simple ‘push to open’. We need a code which I assume lives in someone’s head.”

They didn’t need a code he decided and he grabbed the bars of the cell door with his vibranium arm and began to pull. John Walker understood and started to assist. 

“Brute force. I like it,” Ava Starr murmured and joined them in pulling using her own powers to enhance her strength beyond normal.

The bars groaned and bent beneath their combined strength and, with one more good tug, the whole door came flying off. The cell had been built to retrain a super-soldier; not three.

His handler had backed away from the door to pick up the small talkative man and watched with a victorious expression as the door came off. The moment the barrier between them was gone, his handler sauntered forward and pulled off his mask in a single motion. He was tugged down into a fierce kiss that he fell into gladly and James came to the surface to share. 

His handler pulled back to hiss tightly, “ Such a good job you’re doing, маленький.” 

He whimpered happily as his brain flooded with contentment and he was pulled back into another kiss. 

“Oh wow, you weren’t actually joking about dating, ” the talkative man said over his comms, but he ignored him. “We are still-- Should we do this on the plane instead? We’re not in a hurry anymore?”

John Walker had his phone held up and he happily snapped back, “Shut the fuck up, Lang.”

After the kiss, he and his handler parted enough to press their foreheads together. 

“I said I was going to shoot you in the foot, John,” Bucky said breathily but his eyes were only on Zemo. He’d like to see someone take his lover away again.

“I never said I wasn’t willing to take the risk, Bucky,” John teased. “But, as much as I hate to admit this, Lang is right. We need to go.”

Bucky nodded distantly and regretfully pried himself away from Zemo. He passed the man one of his sidearms and said, “Let’s go.” He placed his mask back on and it was back to the mission. 

He backed away from his handler and used a hand signal to point Ava Starr forward to the door out. He could hear guards coming down the hall and he lifted his gun up to shoot. 

As they funneled through the choke point of the single door, he shot at their riot shields. They were forced to keep their guard up as Ava Starr charged forward and through them. They shouted in fear as she arrived behind them and kicked one out of formation. He stopped shooting and charged into the hole in their defense as John Walker followed. 

They knocked them off to the side and against the steel walls. Perhaps having seen what befell the other guards, they didn’t even bother trying to rise. 

He and John Walker formed a human shield in front of his handler as they pushed down the hallway and Ava Starr continued forward. Sound of a struggle and then the quiet that followed told him that she was just as successful at ending a conflict alone as they were together. 

The remaining prisoners called after them desperately, but he continued to ignore them. He was only here for his handler. No one else here was important enough to rescue. 

As they approached their transport, another squad of guards charged into the room with guns drawn and started firing. He put up his vibranium arm as a shield and pushed his handler aboard. John Walker shot out one of the guard’s legs and then, more efficiently, ripped off a metal railing to throw at the group of them. They all staggered under the weight of the metal as it hit them and stopped shooting. 

He followed the rest of them on board the quinjet and rushed to close it behind him as he dove into the cockpit. He quickly ran through the steps to get them into the air as the quinjet was rocked by an explosion.

Annoyed, he looked back at the door and narrowed his eyes. He pointed at the controls to his handler and pressed the button to reopen the loading doors. He and his handler switched places as he grabbed his rifle again and grabbed a CS round from his belt and loaded it into the grenade launcher. 

As the doors lowered, he took aim at the guards regrouping to fire another explosive round and opened fire just above their heads. They instinctively scattered and he launched the CS round into the middle of them, releasing tear gas. They began to cough and gasp as they continued to retreat. 

He lowered his weapon and walked back to the controls to re-shut the doors. His handler was already putting them in the air and taking them up as the door continued to close. Within seconds they were clear of the hanger doors and on their way out. 

The instinctive rush of a mission complete flooded him and he closed his eyes against the feeling. It was a glorious feeling, but it had nothing on the pure surging relief of his handler being safe. 

Once they were sufficiently out from the prison, he leaned over his handler to put the quinjet on autopilot back to New York. His handler took his chance to reach back up and pull his mask off again for another kiss. He completely let himself get lost in this one. They were safe. 

Bucky pushed his way to the surface in sync with the Soldier and wrapped his arm around Zemo’s waist to pull him closer as he pressed forward into the kiss. Zemo’s hands came up to cup his cheek and tangle in his hair desperately. 

Scott returned to his original size and muttered, “Do we have to pay for this show or...?”

“I swear to God if you ruin this for him, you’re a dead man, Lang,” John said as he clapped a hand on Scott’s shoulder ominously. 

When they parted, Zemo’s eyes were nearly black from want, and that caused the immediate hit of want in himself that had his brain sparking in pain but he welcomed it wholeheartedly. He’d endure a lifetime of automatic corrections for this. 

Zemo ran his hand down the front of his vest and traced his face with his gaze as he said softly, “You know, I’ve never had the pleasure to see you in uniform before, дорогой. You’re very… intimidating this way.”

The man said intimidating, but Bucky could tell he meant something else entirely as John erupted into a fit of stifled laughter behind him. 

“You just like the weapons,” he breathed back and leaned in to capture Zemo’s lips again. 

When they pulled away again, Zemo whispered, “I missed you very dearly, дорогой. I had my concerns that it would take longer for you to organize a way onto the Raft or for me to organize a way off. You did very well in getting me free so quickly.”

He shivered as his handler's words once again gave him a hit of pleasure. He pressed closer and buried his face in the crook of his handler’s neck.

“Я тоже скучал,” he whispered back with a muted whimper. 

“You look exhausted, дорогой,” his handler commented as he pet his face. “Have you slept?”

He shook his head miserably and his handler pressed another soft kiss to his lips in apology.

“I’m sorry, дорогой. I underestimated the Power Broker’s distaste at losing Nagel. I should have retreated further after firing on Batroc. I will not make such a mistake again. If not for my own sake, then for yours,” his handler purred gently. 

His handler pulled away and surveyed their companions at last. 

“Hey Zemo,” John Walker greeted with a grin. “Glad you’re back. He’s a fucking mess without you.”

His handler smirked and reached down to interlace their fingers. He did so happily and moved himself close to his handler again as the other spoke, “So, дорогой, I’d ask you to introduce me to your new friends but it seems I know them all by reputation.”

“Miss Starr, a pleasure,” his handler said smoothly. “I know you by your files from when Natasha Romanoff released all the details on S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA. I’m glad to see you seem to be alive and free of your own handlers.”

Ava Starr smiled back mysteriously and waved slightly. “Nice to meet you, Baron. I’ve heard of you as well. I’m curious to know the man who means so much to the Winter Soldier. He seems to be very fond of you.”

His handler turned to the talkative man and said, “And Scott Lang. A strange choice of a rescuer, but I appreciate it nevertheless.”

“Oh they kidnapped me,” the talkative man said brightly. “I had zero choices in this. I’d have much preferred to leave you to rot, Mr. Zemo. Also, your boyfriend has really poor choice in friends. Though, I suppose he picked you so--”

John Walker groaned and slapped a hand to his face as he said, “Don’t fucking get him started. Once you get him talking, he never shuts the fuck up. Let’s just get these two back to San Francisco so we can go see Olivia and so you two can get a room. We sent her along with your butler to Sokovia, Zemo.”

“Tell me, Soldier,” Ava Starr asked slyly as she looked at him. “Where are you going now? What is this ‘path’ you’re on?”

“We plan to take down Левиафан,” he answered. “I want to rescue the Black Widows in training. And-- I want to kill the Power Broker.”

She smirked at his answer. “Well, that sounds like a mission that could use an infiltration expert. Would you like some help?”

He looked to his handler for an answer, but the man only smirked back at him as well. He blinked at Ava Starr in confusion. Why was she asking him? 

Bucky stepped up to answer for them, “Are you sure? If you’re trying to get out of the business of assassination, Ava--”

“Oh no,” she clarified calmly. “Not trying to get out. Just trying to kill the right people. The Black Widows are a lot like us, aren’t they? Controlled, imprisoned, warped… They start them off as children and grow them into the perfect killers. Freeing them sounds like a noble pursuit. I’m willing to kill for noble pursuits.”

“Ava,” Scott hissed. “They don’t even have a team name. Don’t do this. You’re still sick.”

“Then I suppose I’ll have to return on occasion for my medicine, Scott,” she returned with a playful tone. “But I spent five years as a pile of dust… I’d like to do something with my next five. My skills aren’t exactly transferable to the workforce anyway. They taught me to kill, so I may as well use that skill to do some good. Perhaps prevent other little girls from being taught to kill, hmm?”

“So we’ll have two super-soldiers, a rich and crafty ex-soldier, and a lady who can walk through walls and go invisible,” John counted off on his fingers. Zemo looked at him with interest and surprise so John explained, “Yeah I also signed up for the mission. I kind of just broke into a supermax prison to get you out. I can’t exactly go back to a day job either.”

“Well then,” Zemo said as he brought his hands up together. “It seems we’ve got a mission and a team. You’ve been busy, дорогой.”

Bucky looked away, oddly embarrassed for some reason, and muttered, “I kind of gathered them by accident mostly. But the help will be nice.”

“It will,” Zemo agreed as he reached up to caress his cheek again. The Soldier let out a small noise of contentment for them and leaned into the touch. “But first, I think we’re due some rest, дорогой. Let’s return Mr. Lang to the states and go home.”

And to him, home sounded fucking fantastic right now.

Chapter Text

Dropping Scott off had to put one of the happiest expressions on John’s face that he’d ever seen. 

They hadn’t actually taken him all the way back to San Francisco and instead decided to leave him in New York to visit Sam and the fare to get home on his own. In the end, it made no sense to fly all the way across the country in the quinjet just to fly all the way to Sokovia. 

“Thanks for the kidnapping, Mr. Bucky,” Scott shouted over the sound of the thrusters as he walked off the quinjet. “I’m gonna have to call a rain check next time around, okay? Ava, let me know when you need to swing by for another dose of quantum energy! Try not to kill too many people! And uh-- Mr. Former Fake Cap, you should look into anger management classes!”

“Oh my God,” John said quietly below the sound of the quinjet. “I can’t stand him.”

Bucky just shot him a smirk and closed up the quinjet after Scott finished deboarding. 

“He’s not that bad,” Ava said with a shrug as she leaned back in her seat. “He grows on you with time. I find his personality somewhat infectious.”

“Because it’s a disease,” John concurred sarcastically with a nod. 

Zemo was sitting beside Bucky and toying with one of the straps of his harness. He looked to John with a smirk of his own and said, “I take it that you’ve endured much on my behalf, John. Both Mr. Lang’s personality and James being a ‘mess’. I appreciate your fortitude more than I did the migraine in Riga.”

“Yeah, well,” John started as he plopped down in the seat on the other side of Bucky. “At least Bucky is good company. Do you want the pictures from your reunion kiss?”

Bucky made a noise of discontent. “Delete them, John.”

“No, no. They’re cute,” John teased as he took out his phone and flipped through them. “You look like you’d both like to jump each other on the spot. Do you even have any pictures together? You’ll want these.”

Zemo hummed and requested, “You’re correct. Send them to me, please.”

Bucky shot him a weak glare and turned his attention to putting the quinjet on autopilot all the way back to Sokovia. Once it was flying itself, he moved himself closer to Zemo to rest his head on the man’s shoulder. He didn’t want to stop being in contact for a single moment. And Zemo seemed to understand as he reached up to comb his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

“Where did you get your gear, дорогой?” Zemo asked curiously as he touched another strap with his other hand. 

“Raided an old HYDRA base in D.C.,” he explained with a yawn. Now that the past few days of pure adrenaline were over, he was exhausted. He wanted to crawl into Zemo’s arms and sleep for a month. 

Zemo made another noise of contemplation as he continued to pet him. “And that was-- You weren’t too upset?”

“It wasn’t easy at first,” he admitted. “Маленький and I weren’t exactly happy about it, but we managed. He trashed part of it and that helped him feel better. We both decided that taking back the identity of the Winter Soldier was important to us.”

“So you’d like to formally be the Winter Soldier again?” Zemo asked gently with a kiss to his hair. “You do look good wearing the uniform, I will admit. I like the idea that you’ve become at peace with yourself, дорогой.”

He was mostly listening in drowsily as James spoke with his handler but it pleased him to hear his decision affirmed so he pressed a kiss to his handler’s collarbone. He received another kiss on his temple as a reward and he leaned in for more.

“Thank you, sir,” he murmured sweetly and continued to press close. 

John Walker made a noise of surprise and asked, “You call him ‘sir’, buddy?”

He hummed in agreement but didn’t move to look at his friend. “Yes. He’s my handler. It’s important for me to be respectful.”

“He doesn’t have to,” his handler explained tenderly. “But he chooses to keep some of his old behaviors and break others. I’m happy to accommodate what makes him most comfortable.”

His handler then asked, “I take it that you know all about his dual personalities then, John?”

“Yeah,” John Walker confirmed. “I met buddy here basically immediately after what went down. We tried to come find you at the parking garage but you weren’t there. So when I saw the news, I showed Bucky and he collapsed. I managed to get him to safety but when he woke up it was buddy in control instead.”

His friend reached over and ruffled his hair. He raised his head slightly to savor the touch for a moment before dropping it back down against his handler’s shoulder. 

“We managed to get Bucky back out eventually, but buddy explained what was going on first. They’ve been swapping back and forth a lot for the last few days. I just think it’s crazy how different they are from each other,” his friend finished with a note of curiosity in his own voice. 

“They are indeed,” his handler mused. “Thank you for being understanding when маленький awoke and not James. I suppose it must have been very confusing.”

“Just for a few minutes honestly. He basically told me point-blank what was happening. After hearing everything HYDRA-- After hearing about what happened in his past, it makes sense. Besides, it allowed me to focus on something other than being miserable after dealing with Karli.”

His handler started to pet his cheek and he closed his eyes at the sensation as his handler continued to speak, “He’s overdue for some contentment. It’s been days since I was able to run a reward protocol for him, but given how intense they can be I’ll wait until we have some privacy.”

His friend responded slyly, “I told him he needed to get laid. He’s been just absolutely fucking miserable without you. Both him and Bucky.”

He was drifting off slowly listening to the conversation. His handler and his friend’s voices were soothing and James was also very tired as their consciousnesses blurred together in contentment. He felt safe and his handler’s presence at his side was warm. Within a few minutes, he was lulled to sleep by his petting.

After what felt like an eternity, it was Bucky who woke slowly with his head still propped up on Zemo’s shoulder. The other man was also asleep with his head resting on his hand. He could hear John sleeping too in the seat beside him. 

He sat up and stretched as his body felt stiff from the awkward sleeping arrangement. The quinjet was alerting him to the fact that they were close to their destination and would be landing in a few minutes. 

“Awake, Soldier?” Ava asked from the back of the quinjet.

“It’s Bucky,” he said softly with a groan and another stretch. “Or James. Whichever you prefer.”

“James then,” she agreed. “It sounds like it suits you better.”

Bucky shrugged and glanced back at her. She was still stretched out where he left her before falling asleep. He responded, “Suppose it depends on who you ask.”

“You seem well taken care of by him. There’s some part of me that is happy to know that it’s possible that things do improve,” Ava said softly though it sounded more like she was talking to herself. “The life they prescribed for people like us is incredibly isolating.”

He looked back at her again and said, “You don’t have to be isolated anymore either. The only reason I have what I have is that I let myself be vulnerable enough to need it.”

“Perhaps, James,” she murmured. “I used to think no one in the world had decency. That no one was worthy of trust. But then Janet van Dyne kept me from dying despite the awful things I had done. And Scott continued to try to help me… Though I wonder if they would have if they knew the sort of things I’ve done. I’m sure you can imagine.”

“I don’t have to imagine,” Bucky answered honestly. “I saw the things you did. They used to send me to tail you often. And I lived those things myself when HYDRA sent me out to do their dirty work. I know how young you were when S.H.I.E.L.D. started abusing your powers. I’m sorry.”

“Your friend, Steve,” Ava started with a quiet and intense tone. “He worked for them. He fought for them. S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA were always two sides of the same coin. Two organizations looking for a different leader in charge, but the same control over the world.”

“Project Insight, the HYDRA project that led to the downfall of S.H.I.E.L.D. and my liberation… Fury approved of it. It’s not as though the helicarriers armed to the teeth with weapons were beyond his notice. The only difference between Fury and Pierce was that Pierce planned to fire immediately and Fury wanted to hold the gun to our heads for longer before he did it.”

Bucky looked down at the controls of the quinjet to guide it through landing as he responded, “Zemo doesn’t believe the world should have any single controlling entity like S.H.I.E.L.D. or HYDRA or Левиафан. Not even people like the Avengers though I wonder how he’ll feel now that we’ve built a team of our own. I suppose the difference still lies in that we’ll be going for the people responsible and that’s it. No throwing ourselves into the limelight or trying to influence the world. Just killing monsters.”

“Baron Zemo sounds like a wise man then,” Ava commented and he could feel her gaze leave him and move to Zemo as he slept. “Do you think he truly believes it? It takes a lot of personal fortitude to have someone as strong as the Winter Soldier available to him as a weapon and never make use of you. The Soldier calls him ‘handler’. I suppose that means he also follows orders.”

“Yes, he does follow orders,” he agreed casually. “But Zemo said he wanted to rid the world of super-soldiers and when presented with the opportunity to empower himself with the serum he chose to destroy it instead. He resisted the greatest temptation. I could never see him forsaking his code except for me.”

Ava made a curious noise and asked, “If he wants to rid the world of super-soldiers, then why would he surround himself with two of them?”

“Because he knows I had no choice and I asked him to make an exception for John,” Bucky said simply. “I knew John would be fine. I could tell he was a good man in a tough spot rather than a monster.”

“You’re something of an optimist I see. I like that about you already,” Ava teased lightly and Bucky could hear some actual amusement in her voice. “I’m eager to see if my choice to trust again was too optimistic of myself. I hope you don’t disappoint, James. I see much of myself in you.”

Bucky looked back at her and smirked, “We’ve got a lot in common. Do you have a second personality too?”

“Hmm, I don’t,” she mused while tapping her chin with a finger. “But that’s for the best. It’s loud enough in my head already. Though I’m jealous. It does sound rather relaxing to simply let someone else take control for a few moments. He’s a rather sweet creature.”

“Маленький is very sweet. All of the aggression was programmed out of him while not on a mission. So it’s rare for him to be angry. His anger is something closer to annoyance. I’m the hard one to deal with,” he joked. 

Ava asked for clarification, “Malen'kiy?”

“It means ‘little one’. It’s just something Zemo started calling him and I took to using it too. He doesn’t have a name, so it’s easier. Plus, it’s affectionate.”

The woman laughed softly but not at all mocking. “If someone had told me that the Winter Soldier would one day earn the nickname ‘little one’... It’s very cute. I see you’re very fond of your other half.”

Bucky nodded and directed some of his tenderness inward to the sleeping Soldier who was for the first time in days little more than a soft snowfall in his head. 

The quinjet touched down and the landing woke up both Zemo and John at the same time. John stretched and yawned as he asked, “Are we there?”

“Yeah, we’re home,” Bucky announced as he got up from his seat with a stretch of his own. “I’m just going to warn you now: the house isn’t that big. It’s just one bedroom. Not sure how we’re going to work around that.”

Zemo cut in and said, “I own additional houses closer to town. We’ll all stay the night here and then relocate to something bigger tomorrow. The need for being so isolated has diminished with the retreat of the Dora Milaje off our tail.”

“What? They’re not after you anymore?” John inquired with surprise. “After all that shit they put us through in Riga? They kicked our asses.”

“We managed to work out a deal with T’Challa,” Bucky explained simply. 

“Well, damn,” the man muttered. “Lucky us because I wasn’t looking forward to doing that shit again. Even with the serum, they seem like they’d be a nightmare.”

They deboarded and were met with the sight of a woman, who Bucky could only imagine was Olivia, waiting anxiously at the door. As soon as the loading door was halfway down, John sprinted forward to meet her and lifted her up easily as she jumped into his arms to give him a kiss. 

“Hey baby,” John breathed as he spun her around. “Mission successful. Let me introduce you: This grumpy-looking one is Bucky, the guy in the blue prison jumpsuit is Zemo, and the lady in white is Ava Starr. She helped us rescue Zemo.”

Olivia unwound herself from John and instead chose to throw herself next at Bucky who barely had time to open his arms to receive the hug she gave him. 

“Nice to meet you, Bucky,” she greeted with a tight squeeze. “Thank you for bringing my husband back safe. You must have done a pretty good job of anticipating when he was going to do something dumb.”

John made a noise of disagreement but his wife ignored him in favor of pulling back from Bucky to shake Zemo’s hand. “Nice to meet you too, sir. You’re Bucky’s boyfriend right?”

Bucky grimaced a little at the word. It still sounded weird. Luckily Olivia didn’t seem to notice, but Zemo did. The man smirked and looked back at Olivia, “I’m his partner, yes. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Walker. John is a lucky man.”

“Oh! Your house is beautiful by the way,” she said with a gasp. “I can’t believe how fancy it is inside.”

“I have a taste for luxury,” Zemo explained with a smug smile and a shrug. Bucky fake coughed the word, “Understatement.”

“Hello, Ms. Starr,” Olivia greeted next with a slight wave and a bright smile. “It’s nice to meet you too. I appreciate you helping John and Bucky.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Ava returned with a smile of her own. 

John walked up and wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist and pressed a kiss to her hair. “Come on, baby. Let’s get inside and relax. We’ve had a long day and Bucky and Zemo need to go fuck in the shower or something.”

Bucky looked at John aghast with his crudeness but Olivia seemed to agree with her husband as she grinned mischievously. The other man winked at him and turned to lead them inside the house. Ava walked through him and turned to smirk back as she followed the couple. 

Zemo reached down, grabbed his hand, and pulled up to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. Bucky looked at him, still somewhat exasperated, but found the other’s eyes were just as mischievous and completely dark again. 

“Who are we to decline such a gracious opportunity, James?” Zemo asked as he tugged him along to follow inside. 

Zemo continued to speak with lust beginning to drip from every word, “Clearly we have nothing to hide amongst friends. And truly, it’s been a miserable few days without you. Returning to prison was less enjoyable than even I had anticipated. Now, I believe I owe you a reward for a job well done, дорогой.”

Chapter Text

The Soldier stirred to life and fell into sync with him eagerly as he felt his body surge with arousal. His other half bit his lip and Bucky groaned involuntarily at the insane desperation he felt flood his veins. 

“Alright,” he agreed finally, allowing Zemo to pull him forward some more. “But they can’t complain. I already warned John we’re loud.”

“They’ll endure,” Zemo purred and led him the rest of the way inside.

The other three were hanging out in the living room and John was hovering near the fridge meaningfully. “Hey, do you mind if I make something to eat? I’m honestly starving.”

“My home is yours,” Zemo said with a wave of his hand. “Please help yourself to anything you like. We’ll work out a sleeping arrangement as well after James and I take you up on your suggestion.” He continued to drag Bucky along by his hand on his way to the bedroom.

“Enjoy! If I can hear you from out here, I’m going to record it,” John called after them.

Bucky’s face twisted into a grimace at just the thought of that. The last thing he needed was John taunting him with the sound of him screaming Zemo’s name. “I’ll kill you, John,” he yelled back just to be safe.

Once Zemo had him in the bedroom, he shut the door and locked it. Bucky had only another second before the other man was on him like a drowning man grabs a lifeline. Zemo pulled him down into a positively fevered kiss that turned deep and intense as they relaxed into each other. He groaned as Zemo licked into his mouth slowly, taking his time to taste. His lover let out a half-delirious moan of his own into the kiss like he was tasting heaven.

When they pulled away, Zemo’s lips were red and wet. He dipped back down and caught his lower lip to suck on it slightly. 

“You look-- Your gear suits you very well, дорогой,” Zemo said breathily as he ran his hands down his chest.

Zemo’s eyes were positively frantic, he realized. They were completely black from lust and roving every inch of him as his fingers touched every strap, buckle, and holster. His hips were pressed tightly against him and he was already severely aroused.

Bucky’s entire body pulsed with need as he and the Soldier were pulled along by the same tide of desire. The resulting pain was little more than a brief annoyance in comparison to the incredible weight of how badly he wanted Zemo at that moment. 

“You really like the gear, don’t you?” he asked in a heated whisper. He pressed Zemo back up against the door they just came through. “Is it a turn-on to see me like this? Do you get off on knowing you have the Winter Soldier here and ready for you?”

The way Zemo’s eyes fluttered shut and his head tipped back against the door was his answer. “Yes, дорогой. There’s something very confident in your demeanor while in the gear.”

Bucky pressed closer and caged Zemo against the door with his arms. He lowered his voice further and murmured, “Confident? I’m confident that you need this very badly. You’re falling apart and we’re not even naked yet.”

He reached down and put a finger under the hem of Zemo’s prison jumpsuit as he whispered, “Are you especially fond of this?”

Zemo was so out of it he didn’t even respond verbally. He just shook his head minutely and Bucky wasted no time in ripping it down the middle. He couldn’t tear it off entirely, so he just ruined the top half and let it fall to where it hung in tatters at Zemo’s waist.

He dropped his mouth eagerly to Zemo’s collarbone and bit down gently. Zemo made a desperate noise and pressed his hips forward. Bucky slid his leg between them and hoisted Zemo up slightly to put heavy pressure on his cock. 

All of his weapons and guns were still strapped on so his thigh holster was pressing against Zemo too, but the other man didn’t seem to mind. His hands dug into Bucky’s shoulders as he was lifted up. Zemo rocked his hips against him again desperately.

“Would you like to-- nng -- Would you-- Top?” It was a miracle, he’d left Zemo completely unable to speak. His own cock throbbed intensely at that realization. 

He was still worried about hurting Zemo, but he could tell his lover was interested. “Yeah, okay,” he whispered against Zemo’s skin. “Can we switch after?”

“We can--,” Zemo started before he broke into a heated moan when Bucky pressed his leg forward some more. His lover tossed his head back again and he chose to move his mouth up to his neck to kiss and lick. “We can do it however you prefer, дорогой. I-- I’m happy with… whatever you p-prefer.”

“I want to make you fall apart,” he said simply as he ground against his lover again. He loved when Zemo took care of him, but it was interesting to get the opportunity to do the reverse.

From the broken whimper that followed, he figured he must be doing a decent job too.

That said, the Soldier was clearly confused. Happy, but confused. He wasn’t taking any form of control and only using his mouth to press a few softer kisses to the skin. Bucky figured he may just not know how to take the lead so he continued to maintain control and show him how.

He easily picked Zemo up and wrapped the other man’s legs around him as he thrust forward. His lover let out another needy sound before reclaiming some of his sense to start pulling at straps.

“We need to get you undressed,” Zemo muttered desperately. 

Bucky walked them over to the bed and dropped Zemo on it. The moment he landed, he made quick work of the rest of the jumpsuit until the other man was naked. Bucky just dropped the scraps on the floor and casually, mischievously, said, “Whoops.”

He let his eyelids drop low as he surveyed his lover like a predator perusing prey. His eyes locked onto his positively weeping cock and he asked, “Are you sure you want me undressed?”

Zemo’s eyes widened as he pulled himself on his elbows and he started pulling in faster breaths. Bucky took that as a good sign. He wondered how deep this little fetish went. Carefully, he ran his finger over a few of his weapons as though he was selecting one. Zemo fell back against the bed and fisted his hands in the sheets. 

He reached down with his vibranium hand and started caressing Zemo. He was being rough but he was measuring his strength carefully. It was becoming pretty clear that his lover was very interested in swapping up the power dynamic. 

This was risky, he knew, but he was willing to try it for him. Bucky kept a very close eye on how the Soldier was feeling. Not only would his other half be uninterested in hurting Zemo, but he may also panic if this became too rough from the memories it dredged up. But so far, his other half was just carefully watching and sometimes switching their touch lighter. Their desire wasn’t at all dampened either.

So he flicked open one of the sheathes that contained a large knife and withdrew it. From the way Zemo’s cock twitched violently, he figured he’d guessed right and lowered the knife down to dance along the other’s skin with the flat of the blade. Inside, the Soldier swirled lightly in nervousness but didn’t interfere. He was very, very careful as he used the tip of the knife to trace dips and grooves in the other’s chest. 

He paused to finally undo his harness and get undressed. Bucky left it all in what may be one of the most dangerous piles in the world on the ground. Just seeing him do so seemed to put the life back in Zemo who immediately scrambled to find some lubricant. He grabbed the bottle from the nightstand and tossed it to Bucky who caught it smoothly. 

He grabbed Zemo’s hip and flipped him over and pushed him up onto his knees as he took the bottle of lube. He put some on his normal hand and went to close the bottle but the Soldier added some extra before he could.

“Маленький is trying to make sure I don’t hurt you,” Bucky told Zemo as he moved to slide his now extremely well-lubricated fingers inside his lover. 

Zemo groaned again in lust and pressed his face into the sheets. “He’s got nothing to fear. I’m enjoying this beyond all reason. Please be rough, James.”

His cock throbbed at the request and he shoved two fingers inside Zemo at once. The other man whimpered again and tugged at the sheets but pressed back on his fingers wantonly at the same time. 

The Soldier leaned down to press a kiss to Zemo’s lower back but Bucky kept his entire focus on opening the man up well. His body was so fucking hot inside that his mind raced to imagine him around his cock. But he was tight too and that worried him. The last thing he wanted was to do damage with his strength and, once he was in the throes of passion, he couldn’t be sure he would keep a perfect grip on himself. 

As he worked Zemo open, the other was breathing in heavy pants as he continued to clutch at the sheets for dear life. Given how completely in control Zemo was usually, it was almost strange to see him desperate with lust like this. 

“You’re gorgeous like this,” he said softly with another thrust of his fingers. “I never even imagined getting to see you so undone. Do you prefer it this way?”

“Prefer?” Zemo asked with another muted moan. “Not n-necessarily. I just find myself incredibly t-turned on by the sight of you like this. There is s-something very sexy about power, James. And y-you-- you look powerful right now.”

He pressed his fingers in deeper and twisted to give Zemo another taste of just how powerful he was and got a needy cry out of the man for his efforts. 

“James, I am well prepared,” Zemo gasped and begged, “Please. Please.”

Bucky bit his lip in lust and threatened, “Maybe I should just keep fucking you with my fingers until you’re writhing in need for me as you try not to finish. Only when you’re out of your mind with need, then get inside you. Bet I could get you to scream for me.”

Zemo shuddered wildly and whispered quickly, “James I will happily scream for you if that’s what you want, but I need you now. If you keep teasing me, you will be finishing in your hand.”

He smiled and sat up again to run his hands up and down Zemo’s back for a moment. As much as he wanted to keep playing, he also slicked his cock up with extra lube while he murmured, “So commanding again. I thought I was in charge right now.”

“If you’d like to be in charge, James, then--,” Zemo tried to say before he was cut off in a positively filthy moan as Bucky thrust himself inside in a single go. His lover dissolved in pleasure and clawed at the bed. “ Yes, oh yes. Please, yes. More of that.”

“I’m giving the orders right now, Zemo,” he said with a smirk and lifted the other’s hips into a better angle as he started a rhythm. He hadn’t actually done the fucking since the 1940s, but he remembered how it was supposed to go. Bucky pulled Zemo up and onto his lap to straddle his legs as he bounced him up and down. 

Bucky pulled his lover’s back flush against his chest so he could lick the shell of his ear. Zemo brought his hand up to bite his finger and shuddered again. He put his mouth back against Zemo’s ear and whispered, “My first order is to get your hand slick. My second order is to stroke yourself.”

As James continued to drive their motions, he was positively writhing in his head at the idea of giving his handler orders and couldn’t resist adding, “If it pleases you to do so, sir.”

“Y-yes, маленький,” Zemo breathed. “It does please me actually.”

That was a comfort so he contented himself with using his hands to pet all over his handler’s body. He would prefer to be the one pleasuring his handler, but he didn’t think that was part of the plan for James.

“Nn,” Bucky moaned as he scattered open-mouthed kisses all over Zemo’s throat. “Don’t worry, маленький. It’s all play. He’s loving this.”

He nodded slightly and helped James go about leaving soft bites on the skin under his mouth. They were blossoming to bright red spots and he liked knowing that he was leaving proof of his presence on his handler. No one else had that right but them.

Bucky picked up the pace slightly and moved his hands to Zemo’s hips to help increase his tempo. He had to be extremely careful now. He was already getting close and his thrusts were getting erratic. He applied as much control as he had to keep their hands on just this side of bruising. 

Zemo’s head was thrown back in complete pleasure. His breath was coming fast and hard and it made for a gorgeous sight as his chest heaved and his hand stroked his cock quickly.

“R-reward p-protocol please,” Zemo stuttered between moans. 

He realized immediately after hearing the word ‘reward’ that he should have warned his lover not to do this. But it was far too late as the Soldier did as he was told and their brain erupted in pleasure. 

Bucky threw his own head back and cried out in need as all of his sensations were heightened at once. It was the brightest hit of pleasure since the first one he got from Zemo. His hips were moving on their own accord now and he sincerely hoped his grip was getting weaker, not tighter, but he couldn’t control anything about himself at that point. 

He thrust so hard that Zemo fell forward onto his hands again. Each thrust shook the bed until it was squeaking like it was going to fall to pieces. Bucky just barely managed to pry his hand away from the other’s hips to begin stroking his cock in time with his thrusts. 

Zemo collapsed as his arms gave out but he managed to cry out, “Another. More.”

His mind went blank and he came from the surge as he and the Soldier collided like usual in a violent swirl of need. 

A second later, he knew he was going to collapse so he pulled out and angled himself away from Zemo. He crashed down on his vibranium arm but didn’t bother to catch his own fall. 

Zemo crawled closer and pushed him onto his back. He went easily and his handler fell into his arms and onto his chest. They were panting and Zemo was shaking a little, but he felt so completely bone satisfied. He ran his fingers lightly up Zemo’s side and savored the blurred feeling in his head.

“Are you alright, sir?” he asked softly between breaths. 

Zemo rested his head over his heart and answered, “F-fantastic, дорогой. That was… I’m sorry, дорогой but I don’t know if I have another round in me after that. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so thoroughly fucked in my life. No, I know I haven't. You did perfectly, дорогой. You took such good care of me.”

He was blissed out and the programming wasn’t working, but he was still proud to hear he’d done well. He wrapped his arm around his handler and pulled him more on top of him. Zemo threw his leg over his to tangle them and allowed himself to lay half on top of his chest. 

It quiet after as they laid there just soaking in each other’s presence for the first time in days. His handler was gently running his hands on his skin and he allowed himself to melt into the sensation. His mind was humming with pleasure and happiness and his body was warm. They were home in their bed together. 

“We’ve missed you so much, sir,” he admitted weakly. “We thought we wouldn’t be able to make it without you. We’ve been falling apart for days.”

Zemo raised himself up to look at him and caress his face. “I felt the same, дорогой. I knew we’d be reunited but not knowing when was horrible. I’ve been unable to sleep while thinking about the fact that you would have been left without any happiness again.”

His handler’s voice sounded wavering so he looked down to see tears in his eyes. His heart clenched and he moved himself to curl around his handler tenderly. 

“No, sir. Please don’t cry,” he begged as he peppered his lover’s face with kisses. “We’re fine. We knew we’d get you back. We weren’t going to try to live without you. We couldn’t even imagine trying.”

Zemo’s tears slowly trickled out anyway and down onto his chest as his handler spoke, “I know, дорогой. But I worried about what extended time apart could do to you. It wouldn’t be like the prison in Germany. Had I been stuck on the Raft, we would have been separated indefinitely. I-- I need you. I couldn't have endured the rest of my life without you.”

“We will never let that happen, sir,” he promised desperately as he kissed the falling tears away. “We will never let anyone take you away from us again.”

He tightened his hold around his handler and rocked him slowly. He had never had to comfort his handler like this, but he was happy to do so as long as it made him feel better. To see his normally stoic and protective handler sad was ripping his heart to shreds. Though, he supposed, Zemo had probably waited until they were alone to let his emotions out about this. To be taken away and isolated again was probably just as painful for his handler as it had been for him.

“I love you, дорогой,” Zemo whispered brokenly as he leaned up for a kiss. “I will be more careful next time. I am motivated to be free at this point.”

“We love you too, sir,” he said as he leaned into the kiss and locked their hands together. When they pulled away, he softly added, “We’re both very happy to be home and safe.”

Zemo fixed him with love-filled eyes and a tender smile as he said, “As am I, дорогой.”

Chapter Text

They moved to the shower shortly after and turned it into another hour of tenderness as they enjoyed the spray of the warm water. They were both spent, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t just worship each other for a while. 

He was still blurred between James and the Soldier, but slowly they were settling. Neither of them was overly eager to split again, so they tried to maintain their connection as long as possible. Staying focused on their handler helped as he kissed every inch of him that he could get his mouth on. 

Zemo rested against the wall and savored the kisses, licks, and soft bites that he was peppering him with. His hand was tangled in his hair and he once again missed the longer length. What he’d been going for with the change was no longer what he wanted anyway.

“You’re being extraordinarily gentle now, дорогой,” Zemo murmured as he pet his hair. “You just don’t have it in you to be rough for long. Though I admire your efforts. You did manage to leave a few bruises.”

“Did you enjoy it, sir?” he asked while looking up at his handler from where he was kissing along his lower abdomen. 

Zemo purred down at him, “I loved every single moment, дорогой. I very much enjoyed seeing you work. The knife was a nice touch. You could have even cut me if you’d wanted to.”

He blinked a few times in confusion and shock. “C-cut you, sir?”

His handler continued to massage his head through his hair with a seductive smirk. “Yes, дорогой. I’m not averse to a little pain with my pleasure. Surely not deep cuts, but shallow ones are exciting. Don’t you think?”

Only part of him was intrigued by that statement. Probably the parts that were James. But the rest of him paled at the idea of harming his handler at all. A few bruises during sex was one thing, but cutting him?

“Relax, дорогой,” his handler murmured. “I will never ask anything of you that upsets you. We don’t ever need to try it if it frightens you.”

“We’re not afraid, sir. It’s against our programming to harm you,” he said with a slight trembling in his lips. He pressed another kiss to his handler’s skin, directly over top of the bruises forming on his hips, and added, “We love you.”

Zemo dropped down beside him and cupped his face as he kissed him deeply. His lips continued to tremble slightly until the tension bled out of him and he whimpered into the kiss. 

As they parted, his handler said against his lips, “I love you too and, thus, I could never put you through the discomfort necessary to indulge in such an act, дорогой. But as for the bruises, I truly did enjoy them. I’m going to continue enjoying knowing they’re there for the next few days. As well as the ones on my neck. Reminders of your desire for me.”

He pressed his forehead against Zemo’s and released a shaky breath. It was good to know for certain that he’d not gone too far. 

“It was frightening having you in such a vulnerable state while we were losing control, sir,” he explained quietly as he gently pushed the other back to let him start kissing his shoulders and throat. “You’ve seen what our strength can do. We were afraid the reward protocol would cause us to accidentally hurt you.”

“A risk I was willing to take for your pleasure,” Zemo responded as he tilted his head back to allow better access. “But I will be more conscious of your concerns next time. Perhaps I will ride you next time.”

He was hit with a vibrant wave of renewed lust but pushed it down in favor of licking along Zemo’s throat in a single stripe. He reached the edge of his jaw and did it again. His handler’s head fell back further and his mouth opened slightly as he started to pant again.

“I said I was spent and here you are being so seductive. Are you trying to make a liar of me, дорогой?”

He smirked against his handler’s skin and bit down softly before returning to licking. When he was content with how well he covered the area, he swapped to the other side and said, “Mm. No, sir. We just like the way you taste.”

Zemo turned his head to kiss him and sent them dissolving into another long series of kisses. He was so utterly content by the end that he felt fatigue setting in again. It didn’t matter that he’d gotten hours of sleep on the quinjet, he was still recovering from days of sleeplessness.

He pulled away to stand up and pull his handler along with him. “We need to finish in here, sir. The others will want a shower before the evening is out. John may want some time with his wife himself.”

“So be it, дорогой,” Zemo agreed with a regretful sigh. 

They wrapped up their shower and each put on some comfortable clothing. He cleaned up his pile of gear and weaponry to store it more safely though he left it in the bedroom. 

As soon as they walked out of the room, he immediately felt his consciousnesses try to pull apart as James wanted majority control to address the look of complete smug satisfaction on John Walker’s face. 

The man was sitting on the couch with his wife half in his lap and Ava lounging in a chair across from them. John and Ava were out of uniform. She had probably borrowed from Olivia and Olivia had probably brought clothes from home for John. All three had similar expressions of mirth.

“You really weren’t kidding,” John taunted with a laugh. “You are loud when you fuck. Holy hell, are you okay? I thought you were going to break something by the end of that. Did you go for round two in the shower?”

“Shut up,” he threw back, but he grinned. “No round two. Round one was exciting enough.”

John’s face fell slightly into a confused expression and then he gaped like a fish at him. “You’re smiling. Not just smirking. You’re legitimately fucking smiling.”

“Yeah, that’s what happens when we’re able to, John,” he explained with a shrug as he moved to sit on the unoccupied loveseat. “Normally we can’t feel happy. But that scream there at the end was Zemo telling us we were allowed.”

“A reward protocol,” Zemo clarified for him as he sat beside him and slid smoothly into the crook of his arm. “The programming still works on солдат, so we are able to counteract the damage HYDRA did.”

Ava sat up to lean over the edge of the loveseat and investigate his face. He looked at her better to give her the chance and she reached up to trace the edges of his smile. Zemo watched her investigation with curiosity of his own.

John was still staring at him in awe, but Olivia looked like she wanted to ask for an explanation and was deciding against it so he spoke up first, “HYDRA’s original programming caused us to be unable to produce the brain chemistry needed for happiness without an order to do so. So Zemo gives the order and we feel good.”

Olivia looked horrified and that bled into intense sadness, “That’s-- That’s horrible. Are you--...?”

“We’re okay,” he reassured her. “Zemo makes it so that we’re actually more than okay. John helped keep us centered while we worked on getting him back.”

She nodded but her eyes were still sad and she grabbed John’s hand. There was another question in her eyes but her husband was once again noticing something amiss as he asked, “Who are you?”

“Both,” he said simply. “We’re always an ‘us’ after sex. At least for a little while.”

“No, no,” John protested. “I’ve seen you together at the same time more than once. You’ve never referred to yourself in plural consistently. What’s up with that?”

“We’re not in control at the same time. We’re just a ‘ we’ right now. There’s no one specific in charge and we’re not in sync. We can sometimes blur together and this is what that’s like. It’s more that we lose track of where one of us starts and the other ends,” he mused as he tried to find the best way to explain.

“So this is as close as we’ll ever get to the complete you?” John asked curiously. 

He shrugged. “We suppose so, but only because we’re actively trying to stay this way right now. But only temporarily because we like being separate.”

Olivia finally got brave enough to ask her own question, “So you do have D.I.D.?” 

“We have something,” he answered. “Vague, we know, but we don’t actually know. This is still pretty new for us. But it’s not unpleasant and we’re happy.”

Ava finished her investigation and pulled back to say, “You look good when you smile. It makes you look younger. Now you just need a good night’s sleep.”

Zemo ran his hand along his cheek and beckoned a soft kiss. “I agree. We managed to get those dark circles gone during the short time we stayed here and now they’re back. I’m looking forward to seeing him well-rested again.”

“What do we want to do for sleeping?” John asked with a glance around the small house. “Liv and I can take the floor somewhere. I’ll sleep on the ground and she can sleep on me.” He squeezed his wife close and kissed her temple as she laughed. 

“You’re both welcome to the bed as my guests,” Zemo offered. “Ms. Starr you’re welcome to the couch. We can take the floor.”

His mind was finally untangling and Bucky slowly slid back into full control as the Soldier retreated to go rest. He rotated his neck a bit at the strange feeling.

John and Zemo both missed nothing. 

His lover said, “Hello, James,” and John piped up saying, “Ha, I saw it. Your whole expression changed.”

“Oh did you swap?” Olivia asked with interest. “How can we tell?”

“Eyes, baby,” John explained as he leaned over to point at Bucky’s face closely. “They’re more narrow and his jaw is tighter so this is Bucky. Buddy, the other one, is always relaxed and his eyes are open wider.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at John’s finger and said, “You want me to break this, or...?”

“Bucky is also an asshole,” John shot back with a smirk. “You’ll like Buddy better. He’s a nicer guy overall. Bucky is just a grouchy fuck all the time, I swear.”

He ignored him in favor of devoting his attention back to Zemo. He just couldn’t get enough. He’d missed him so much and now they were finally safe again. Bucky started pressing kisses into his hair and pulling him closer. 

Olivia made a noise and said, “You’re so cute together.”

“Yes, very affectionate,” Ava agreed with a sly smile. “Are you going to treat us to another show?”

Zemo answered for them because Bucky was choosing to ignore his friends in favor of pressing his face into Zemo’s fair. “He is generally affectionate when he’s happy but this is also because we’ve been separated for a few days. No show I’m afraid. He wore me out. Though I suppose I wouldn’t be opposed if he was enthusiastic at the prospect.”

Bucky choked on air and pulled back, “No. We’ll work up to a lot of different kinks before we work up to that one.”

“I bet you cry after sex,” John taunted as he reached over to poke Bucky’s shoulder. “I bet you fucking go full waterworks.”

“Do you want me to kill you in front of your wife?” Bucky threatened with a smile. “Because honestly, I could end you in ten seconds, Walker.”

“Bet you’d go full waterworks for that too,” the other man said with a shrug. “Buddy would miss me.”

He reached over to poke John harder than the man had poked him and said, “He’d get over it.”

John’s jaw dropped in comical overreaction at being poked and he untangled himself from his wife to lunge across the divide at Bucky. 

He hadn’t expected that so he let go of Zemo just in time to guard against the poking assault that followed. He blinked in complete and total confusion. What the fuck was this?

Worse, he began to laugh spontaneously as the poking provoked a strange feeling. His eyes darted to Zemo in concern and a total lack of understanding. He didn’t understand why he was laughing and yet here he was doing so from the feeling of being poked in the stomach.

“S-stop,” he tried to say but John only poked him faster as Bucky tried to bat his hands away.

It wasn’t an attack and, from the pure enjoyment on Zemo’s face, he figured this wasn’t an unexpected reaction even if it made zero sense to him. Even Ava looked highly amused at his confusion and laughing.

After being totally ineffective at stopping John, he started to poke back in defense. The other man started to laugh too as he tried to dodge the poking. His position was better for it as he was standing now and Bucky was still against the couch trying to understand what the fuck was going on and laughing. 

Zemo finally gave him the answer he was looking for as he asked, “James, do you understand the concept of being ticklish?”

The concept? Yes. In practice? No. He honestly couldn’t remember ever having had this happen before. Maybe as a child? 

“Y-yes,” he said between gasps as his body was continuously wracked with laughter. “N-never had it h-happen.”

John finally stopped and Bucky only had time to blink up at him for a second before he was enveloped in a hug as the man dropped down to embrace him too. The squeeze of the hug was so tight it took his breath away and he could feel John breathing a little heavy from his own laughing but the other man’s head was resting on his shoulder.

“John?” Bucky asked cautiously as he patted the man’s back awkwardly.

“Every time I think I’ve got an okay picture of what you went through,” John started softly and Bucky was horrified to hear emotion in his voice. “You go and say something really fucking tragic like that.”

Bucky looked around the room like a caged animal but he had no escape so he just dropped his chin onto John’s shoulder and said, “I’m okay, John. I’m getting better now. We’ve now established I’m ticklish when I’m happy I guess.”

The other man nodded and pulled back. Bucky could see a look of poorly concealed upset on the other man’s face as he looked away. John pat him on the shoulder as he turned to his wife and said, “Hey, baby, let’s go take a shower too. I-- uh need to wash the mission off.”

“Okay,” Olivia agreed as she grabbed her husband’s hand. “Is it okay if we use your shower, Mr. Zemo?”

“Just Zemo is fine,” his lover said with a polite smile. “And yes, please enjoy.”

“Thanks,” John said with a cough as he led his wife to the bedroom. 

Bucky looked around at Zemo and Ava for help. He was better than the Soldier at generally understanding social interactions, but this had mystified him. 

Ava got up from her chair to slide in beside him on the opposite side of Zemo and start playing with his hair as she explained, “It’s an affectionate gesture, James. Like this. The fact that you didn’t understand was saddening to him. Probably because he was trying to connect with you and the fact that it was lost on you spoke to your time in HYDRA. He was being playful.”

He grimaced. “I didn’t mind exactly. I was just confused. I don’t-- I used to avoid being touched but I actually kind of like it now.”

Zemo was once again watching Ava and he asked, “You also appear very tactile, Ms. Starr.”

“Ava,” she corrected with a small smile. She held her hand out to Zemo. He reached out to touch it and his hand went through hers. “I’ve been doing that my whole life. And I was isolated by S.H.I.E.L.D. so I enjoy touch. James seems to put up with it, but the Soldier actively enjoyed it too.”

He wasn’t sure that was true because he was pretty content at that moment, but he figured the Soldier may be better at showing it. Still, both Ava and Zemo suddenly seemed very interested in petting him at the same time. 

After only a few minutes of this, his head was slumping forward as he started to nod off much to his companion’s amusement. As it continued to happen, he realized he was only minutes from actually falling asleep. 

Bucky sighed and announced, “I’m going to move to that couch and lay down. You can both come with. Can we not make this weird?”

“I will endeavor not to do so,” Zemo agreed with a smirk.

“Scout’s honor,” Ava said softly and Bucky could see she looked somewhat moved by his offer. 

Bucky got up and flopped down on the couch as Zemo laid down on top of him and in the crook of one arm. Ava put herself in the other and went back to playing with his hair. Zemo chose to pet his cheek instead.

He felt instantly drowsy under the warmth of both of them and he could tell Ava felt similarly because her head quickly came down to rest on his chest. She was in the crook of his vibranium arm so he was careful to keep it from getting under her and becoming uncomfortable. 

Zemo also rested his head on his chest and stretched out comfortably. 

“They’re going to think this is weird,” he murmured as he was nearly pulled under the waves of slumber. 

“Somehow, James,” Zemo started as he was interrupted by a yawn. “I think they’ll understand.”

He was still barely clinging to wakefulness a few minutes later but Ava was already completely out. Zemo was watching her sleep and Bucky could tell he was barely resisting his own instincts to start petting her too. 

The man’s desire to care for broken people was too strong, he mused. But then he had also offered to hold her too, so maybe it was a 'them' thing. 

Chapter Text

Someone was screaming.

Bucky jolted and both of the two sleeping on top of him also sat up. Ava phased right out of his arms and hopped up to go investigate. 

After the moment of confused delirium, as he woke, he knew what was happening now. John was having a nightmare. The other man hadn’t slept much in the last few days around him and it was always a nap and never actual rest. Now that the mission was over and they were able to relax, his demons were back to haunt him.

“Ava,” he hissed to get her attention. “He’s just having a nightmare.”

John’s screams were already tapering off as his wife probably soothed him. Ava stopped and returned to her place in the crook of his arm. Zemo had already flopped his head down and was rubbing his cheek against his chest. 

He was once again drenched in warmth and contentment but his thoughts strayed to John. The man put so much aside to focus on helping Bucky but it was clear he had his own pain. It was good the man had his wife, but he wondered if that was enough. John seemed to be the sort to always need a mission. 

Still pondering it, Bucky eventually dozed back off; lulled to sleep by the even breathing of the two beside him. 

The next time he woke up it was to the smell of something cooking. 

He cracked open his eyes to look at the kitchen and saw John up and making some food while Olivia hung around the kitchen island. 

“Morning,” Zemo muttered sleepily from his side. His lover’s eyes were still closed but he was clearly awake. Ava was awake and running her fingers lightly along the side of his face. He tilted his head slightly to lean into the touch.

“Good morning,” he greeted with a yawn and a slight stretch as much as he could manage with the two on top of him. “Did you sleep okay?”

Zemo hummed in agreement and Ava said, “Quite well. Thank you for the opportunity.”

“You three awake?” John called from the kitchen, “I’m making some breakfast. I didn’t know what you liked so I made kind of a lot of food.”

Ava rolled off of him and stood up with a stretch of her own. She announced as she walked away, “I’m going to go take a shower.” 

Zemo got up a moment later after taking his chance to splay out on Bucky’s chest fully for a few minutes. He walked into the kitchen and began preparing what looked to be tea. Bucky sat up and rolled his shoulders to relieve some of the stiffness of how he slept. But he felt positively refreshed .

He walked into the kitchen and took a seat next to Olivia who grinned at him and said, “Morning Bucky. You three looked comfortable. If we’d known you were all going to sleep like that you could have had the bed! When John and I got out of the shower you were already all asleep.”

“Something you wanna tell us, Bucky,” John shot from over his shoulder with a smirk. “Didn’t know you were such a smooth operator.”

“Don’t make this weird, John,” he muttered mutinously. “She just likes touching things and--”

“And you like being touched,” John finished for him in a kinder voice. “I’m just joking, Bucky. It was just unexpected to come out of the shower and see you all curled up like cats.”

Zemo hummed and corrected, “James is more a wolf. It’s маленький who is like a cat.”

“Is malenkee the other personality’s name?” Olivia asked curiously. 

“No, it means ‘little one’ in Russian. A pet name of sorts,” Zemo clarified as he finished making his tea and took a seat beside Bucky. “The Soldier does not have a name of his own and has never requested one or created one.”

Olivia seemed to find that very cute as she let out a happy noise. 

“Sorry about the-- uh,” John said awkwardly. “The screaming. I hope it didn’t freak you out.”

Bucky shook his head to dismiss the apology. “It’s no problem. We woke up but we were back to sleep in minutes. You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” the other man confirmed though he was still frowning as he put down plates of food on the kitchen island. “It’s par for the course at this point. I didn’t expect it to change. Liv gets the awesome experience of being right there when it happens.”

“And I’m glad to be there to help you calm down,” his wife returned sternly. “Stop feeling guilty, John. If what you told me is true, everyone here but me has been a soldier. I'm sure everyone understands. If nothing else, you’ve been through some-- tough days recently.”

Bucky fixed the man with a stare and said, “She’s right, John. You’ve been holding me together for the better part of a week. No one is going to judge you for some nightmares.”

John nodded with a tight frown and sat down to eat. “Thanks, Buck.”

“That’s what friends are for, right? That and anticipating the other doing something dumb,” Bucky said with a smirk as he reached over the island to put a hand on John’s shoulder. “And God knows you say and do a lot of dumb shit.”

John’s expression finally loosened as he batted Bucky’s hand away and playfully snapped, “You want me to start poking you again, old man? Wouldn’t want to give you a heart attack. Not sure you could handle having something other than a frown on your face for that long.”

Bucky chose not to respond as he grinned and turned his attention to his food. John was an alright cook, but Zemo was better. Still, it was hot and ready and he was hungry for the first time in days. 

He could feel the man watching him as he ate to make sure he was actually eating this time after seeing him try and fail for so long. Bucky looked up and raised a sarcastic eyebrow at his concern. John just grinned back and finally looked to eating his own food. 

“Thank you for the meal, John,” Zemo said politely as he ate his own food. Between bites, he added, “We should move to a larger house today. We’ll spend another few days recovering and then look to beginning our next mission. If everyone is amenable, of course.”

Bucky nodded in agreement and John made a noise to give his own agreement. 

Zemo looked to Olivia and continued, “Mrs. Walker, I’d love to offer you both a home in any city of your choosing. I know you’ve sacrificed far more than should be expected of anyone when your husband joined James in rescuing me.”

John nearly choked on his food at the offer and Olivia’s face lit up in shock. “Mr. Zemo, please! You-- You can call me Olivia or Liv. B-but we could never accept an offer like that!”

“H-he’s r-rich,” John said as he coughed from inhaling food. When he was finally able to speak again, he added, “He’s a Baron, baby. Yes, we can. Pick Paris or someplace nice.”

“I have several properties in the provinces in France if that’s what you’d enjoy,” Zemo offered casually. “My wife was very much a traveler and a big fan of real estate.”

Olivia’s face said she wanted to ask a question about Zemo’s wife, but she held her tongue on it and instead said, “I’ll-- I’ll have to talk with John about it. But truly, there’s no need.”

“Need? No. A desire to do right by someone who sacrificed for me? Very much so,” his lover said with a smile. Bucky’s stomach twisted pleasantly at the sight of it. Zemo was happy today too. Not just content, but actually visibly happy. 

He reached out and twined their fingers and was rewarded with a sweet smile of his own that was strong enough to get the Soldier stirring in his head. He felt his other half come to the surface and slide into sync with him. 

“Morning, buddy,” John Walker greeted between bites.

He looked at his friend and blinked once as he oriented himself before saying, “Good morning.”

“Oh!” John Walker’s wife exclaimed happily. “Hi, malenkee!”

They had not met formally, so he just tilted his head a little at her attempted Russian and the fact that she was calling him something only James and his handler usually did. Her face was excited and kind, so after a second he echoed himself with another, “Good morning.”

“Did I say it right?” she asked eagerly.

No, she hadn’t but it was close. He responded, “Almost, ma’am. Маленький.”

“Mal-in-kee,” she tried again. He echoed, “Маленький.”

The third time was the charm as she repeated, “Malen’kiy.” 

He smiled and nodded slightly. “Yes, ma’am.” He still wasn’t sure why John Walker’s wife wanted to call him by that word but it seemed to make her happy.

She chirped it again and then said, “It’s nice to meet you, malen’kiy. My husband says you’re very nice.”

His face heated and he felt his stomach squirm at such praise from his friend. He didn’t know that he deserved such kind words, but it made him happy to hear. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, ma’am. John Walker has been a very good friend. He took care of me and James while our handler was away,” he said fondly. 

Bucky grimaced and said, “Please, маленький, don’t give him a big head--” 

John cut in and said, “Too late! And buddy just call me John. No Walker needed. This is Olivia. You don’t have to call her ma’am. Though it’s cute you have much better manners than Bucky.”

“Okay,” he agreed with a nod. “Nice to meet you, Olivia.”

She looked at him with excited eyes and asked rapid-fire, “This is so awesome. What’s it like to be sharing a body with Bucky? Do you like different foods? Do you like different music? What happens if you both want to do something different?”

He blinked in response to her many questions but was endeared by her enthusiasm. John W-- John had said she was in college for psychology, so it made sense. 

“It’s nice. I like sharing with James. I don’t know if we like different things, but potentially? We both don’t like Turkish Delight… If we want to do something different, the one who wants to do something more wins. But we usually compromise instead.”

“That’s incredible,” she breathed. “It’s like having a twin but in your mind instead. You really are so different!”

He liked that comparison, he decided. James was like his twin. 

Bucky interjected with a smirk, “You’re making him all warm and fuzzy, Olivia. He’s not used to being fawned over.”

His cheeks heated up again. James was right. He wasn’t used to such attention, but Olivia was very nice. He didn’t know many women and the ones he did were generally soldiers. This one seemed very gentle and sweet. 

Ava Starr walked into the room at that moment and looked around at the room’s occupants as she said, “That was refreshing. You have quite the house, Baron.” She looked at him, tilted her head a bit, and greeted, “Good morning, Soldier.”

“Good morning,” he said in return. She approached and started to stroke his face gently so he leaned into her petting. His head gave a slight jolt of pain as he wanted the sensation to continue.

It was Bucky’s turn to blush as he realized every single person in the room was staring at him as the Soldier soaked up being adored. But who the hell was he to ruin his other half’s enjoyment? So he just muttered, “I guess the cat comparison is accurate. He loves the petting thing.”

“Really?” Olivia asked, curious again. “You don’t look like you enjoy it.”

“It doesn’t bother me either,” Bucky clarified with a sigh. “It’s more that it’s strange to me and it’s not strange to маленький. We both like the contact, but I’m aware enough to know it’s weird.”

His lover added softly, “They are both incredibly touch starved. If I craved affection after under a decade in prison, he deeply craved it after so many years of isolation. He just takes himself too seriously to ask.”

Bucky glared weakly at Zemo who just smirked back. 

“A chance to bother Bucky you say,” John quipped and Bucky realized instantly he’d opened a can of worms as John launched himself up to lean over the island and start petting his hair. Bucky glared at him but didn’t move. This was ridiculous.

“This is funny as hell to watch,” John commented with a grin. “Your face keeps switching between Bucky and buddy so one second you look annoyed and the next you look confused.”

Zemo reached over and started petting the back of his head slightly too and Bucky’s face went entirely red. His lover commented slyly, “He’s right, James. It is quite amusing.”

Olivia was the only one restraining herself from petting him but he just rolled his eyes and tilted his head enough to offer her the only cheek not currently being stroked. Her eyes lit up and she also started touching. 

Bucky was a little overwhelmed but the Soldier was an absolute puddle of contentment at that point, so he just endured it. It finally was beginning to occur to him that he’d collected a strange set of friends. Sam had never sat around breakfast and pet him like a dog. Though, in fairness, he didn’t feel dehumanized. He just felt like a grown man getting treated like a porcelain doll. 

He didn’t suppose that was necessarily a bad thing, he admitted to himself stubbornly. It made the Soldier happy and it made him feel strange but in a good way. Ava had admitted she liked touch too and she was a powerful, terrifying assassin just like him. Zemo had admitted to him he needed touch and he was the only man to defeat the Avengers and live to tell the tale. Maybe that meant he could afford to enjoy this too. If nothing else, he was in good company for it.

After a while, they all finally pulled their hands away and Ava sat down to enjoy her own breakfast. 

By this point, Bucky’s head was spinning and he might have been gripping Zemo’s hand a little tightly. The Soldier was so blissful that it almost felt like they’d just had sex. HYDRA had really gotten it right in their fucked up plans when they deprived him of this because it stayed such a powerful tool. A few minutes of petting and he was basically putty. 

John was looking at him with one of the softest expressions he’d ever seen on the other man’s face and Bucky couldn’t even handle meeting his eyes. He knew he was blushing fiercely but he felt safe enough to stay put and go back to eating. 

Safe; that was a keyword. As weird as this had gotten, he felt more whole and happy than he had in his entire life. Bucky hadn’t even thought it was possible to feel even better than he had with Zemo alone, but he was proven wrong. 

He had a lover who knew what he needed, he had friends who got him, and he had a home… 

This moment was the biggest victory he’d ever won over HYDRA. Not even breaking the control words was as powerful as this as it hit him just how fortunate he was. 

Fuck. He was going to break down. Immediately. 

Bucky opened his mouth and closed it as emotion welled up again. He staggered to his feet and tried again but with no success. Zemo seemingly understood perfectly, because he stood up and grabbed his hand.

“Go on,” John said without looking up from his breakfast. “I had my moment last night. Go have yours.”

“T-thanks,” he muttered as he dragged Zemo off to the bedroom to have his break down in private. 

Once they were behind a closed door, he fell into his lover’s arms. The tears he expected didn’t come, but the emotion rolling over him in heavy waves was still just too intense for an audience. All he could do was press his face into Zemo’s neck and take deep, wavering breaths. 

Zemo rubbed his back and murmured, “Breathe, дорогой.”

“I’m such a fucking mess,” he laughed bitterly. “I feel good and I can’t handle it.”

“Healing is quite a painful process, дорогой,” Zemo commented gently. “And you are healing. Be patient with yourself. It took seventy years to put you in such a state. You will not be feeling better in a few weeks.”

“It’s been years,” he muttered. “I’ve been ‘healing’ for years.”

His lover made a noise of disbelief and asked, “Were you? Or were you merely existing?”

Bucky raised his head to press a kiss to Zemo’s lips carefully. He tried to pour as much of his love and thankfulness into that kiss as possible. As they parted, he admitted in a whisper, “Good point.”

Chapter Text

He and Zemo sat quietly for a while until he calmed down enough to return to breakfast and then they all packed up to get ready to leave to relocate to the next house.

“Do we have everything?” John asked as they loaded everything Olivia brought from home into the quinjet. 

“If we don’t, Oeznik can bring it to us,” Zemo assured as he boarded. 

The next house wasn’t far when traveling by quinjet but was still located outside of the city so they had the room to land. Bucky was able to get them there in under twenty minutes.

The first thing he noticed upon landing that this wasn’t a ‘house’ at all. It was a fucking mansion. 

“Zemo, just how wealthy are you?” he hissed as he beheld the sprawling property. It was a proper manor with a garden and everything. John whistled low and Olivia gasped in awe.

His lover shrugged but his face was smug as he said, “I’m very comfortable.”

They landed and unloaded their now meager seeming belongings into the foyer of the mansion. Zemo had informed them it was a ten bedroom home and Bucky couldn’t even wrap his head around needing so much space. 

“Why?” he asked eventually as he looked around at the opulent furnishings. 

“We had intended to have a large family,” Zemo said simply as he walked further inside. Bucky’s stomach clenched at that but he didn’t comment. “Please pick freely from the bedrooms. James and I will take the master on the second floor, but all of the rooms should be quite comfortable. I welcome you to make yourself as comfortable as possible.”

He and Zemo climbed the stairs to drop off Bucky’s gear in their room and he found himself in a large bedroom that could have easily held a significant portion of the last house. The bed was big and, once again, covered in silken sheets. 

Zemo’s tastes were at least very consistent, he mused. 

His lover fell back onto the bed and smiled at him seductively, “What do you think, James?”

“I think you’ve got a spending problem,” Bucky said with a smirk as he crawled half on top of Zemo. “You’ve got more money than you know what to do with. We’re two couples and a single woman. That’s three bedrooms we need. You don’t have a smaller house?”

The other man purred at the contact of their bodies as he murmured, “I thought the extra space would be good for privacy. Very specifically we’re two couples. Though I wouldn’t be opposed to sharing our sleeping arrangements again if necessary. You both seemed to get a lot out of it.”

“Ava’s been as deprived of personal connection as I have,” he agreed as he eased himself off Zemo to flop on his back. “S.H.I.E.L.D. was supposed to be better, but they fucked her up as much as HYDRA did to me. She was basically their prisoner since she was a child. It’s really no surprise she’s as desperate for a little human interaction as me.”

“Something we’re able to provide,” Zemo pointed out as he rolled over to cuddle up against Bucky’s side. “I think even John is getting quite a lot out of this new arrangement. We really are quite a matched set of traumas.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a long time and Zemo ran his hand over his clothed chest lightly. It felt nice and he was getting very relaxed.

“It’s nice though,” Bucky said suddenly. “I’ve never had anything like this. Not even when I was young. Steve-- Steve was close I guess. But it was more me looking out for him. This is the first time I’ve had a--” He knew what he wanted to call it but it suddenly felt very presumptuous of him. 

“A family,” his lover finished for him. “The strongest bonds are forged in the flames of conflict, James. We are all here united after each enduring horrors and finding something brighter at the end. Not even Olivia is left unscarred as she tends to her husband’s pain at night. To find a flicker of understanding in a world that will never be able to comprehend the things we’ve seen... It’s rather relieving, don’t you think?”

He reached up to lace his fingers with Zemo’s and he pondered what he’d said. After a moment, he answered, “Yes, it is. But it feels like-- How could I deserve this? And am I just filling in this closeness in my own head or does it really exist? John signed up to help us on the mission but I’m breaking down after a little affection from him like it means something. Does it? Or do I just want it to?”

“John did not need to stay by your side after I was taken, James,” Zemo reminded him softly. “And Olivia did not have to agree to uproot herself to move indefinitely to a country she doesn’t know. Ava didn’t have to join your mission nor did she have to join us last night. Do those things feel insignificant?”

“No,” Bucky agreed slowly. “But what if they’re just nice?”

“I cannot help but notice Sam is not here, James,” the other man said carefully. “He is a ‘nice’ man, correct? And yet, ‘nice’ has limits. What they are showing you is loyalty, James. And trust. Ava trusted you to understand and you did. John trusted you to be there when he needed you and you were.”

Zemo continued very sweetly as he squeezed their entwined hands, “They need you too, James.”

He swallowed heavily and nodded. “I won’t let them down.”

“I never had any doubt,” Zemo responded instantly and pulled his hand up to kiss his palm. “We will build a better world. We are the few with the will to do so and the insight to understand why it’s necessary. For all that we have each lost, we know now what the world at large must hold dear.”

His lover kissed each of his fingertips as he whispered, “Their freedom, their minds, their families, their friends, and their homes.”

“The Avengers truly believe they’re doing the right thing,” he marveled aloud as it sunk in how much burden rested upon them. “They really think they’re making things better by taking down one threat at a time as it arises while the ones lingering in the shadows continue on. They beat Thanos, but I’d never heard of this fucking Power Broker. How does someone like that work under the radar? Sam had never even heard of Madripoor…”

“They are fighting bigger threats, I suppose, but then they create as many as they destroy,” Zemo considered. “They defeated the Chitauri in New York… But this led to the Maximoff twins and Ultron as the scepter fell into the wrong hands as they couldn’t recognize HYDRA right under their nose. How many missions did Mr. Rogers complete for HYDRA before he played his hand in destroying it?”

Steve.

Bucky grit his teeth and steeled his nerves as he said, “I-- When Steve left, he didn’t ask me to go with him. N-not directly at least. I chose not to go with him when he left. John said I should tell you that and see what you thought of it. And you wanted to ask back in Riga. I’m-- I think I’m ready to get over this so ask what you need to.”

Zemo sat up and looked down at him with gentle eyes and a frown. His lover said, “I have nothing to ask, James. I understood immediately when you told me back in Riga what he’d done. I cannot fit any additional fury in my heart for Steve Rogers after he and his Avenger cohorts destroyed my home and then left my people to clean up the rubble. But his tendency to abandon that which he does not care to help fix is rather typical of him.”

“He tried to help me,” Bucky offered weakly but the argument felt so fragile after he’d been so taken care of lately. Steve had never held him or rubbed his back as he cried. Steve didn’t ask what HYDRA had done to him. All he’d done was read a file and draw his own conclusions. 

“H-he was busy,” he added quickly. And it was true. Steve had been busy from the moment the Soldier saw him again for the first time after shooting Fury. Busy fighting HYDRA and destroying Project Insight. Busy chasing Zemo to Siberia. Busy saving the world while he was in cryostasis in Wakanda. Busy fighting Thanos when he was out of it… Busy leaving when it was all over.

Tears were splashing on his cheeks just imagining how little time they’d had together once he’d broken free of HYDRA. They could have had five years between fights but he’d landed on the wrong side of the Snap’s coinflip. 

“He thought that-- That if he brought it up it’d hurt me,” Bucky continued, desperate to find a clear sign of Steve’s help. “He knew I’d been forced to do horrific things. He d-didn’t know about what they did to me or the worst things they m-made me do but-- but he s-saw enough. The Stark murder was enough.”

Zemo was just watching him and stroking his face as he talked to himself. Inside the Soldier was quietly swirling on the edge of consciousness; just close enough to make sure that he was okay but not close enough to interrupt.

“He didn’t judge me!” Bucky declared intensely. Yes, this was true. Steve knew he’d been a killer for seventy years but hadn’t held it against him. But he also hadn’t-- hadn’t known about the Soldier. Would he have understood? Or would he be like Sam, who only saw the Soldier as his ‘dark side’?

“H-he cared,” Bucky said desperately as he tried to convince himself. “He did. He looked for me for two years. He fought for me.”

“James,” Zemo interrupted in a gentle but serious voice. “I have no doubt in my mind that Steve Rogers cared for you. Absolutely no doubts. My position is simply that Rogers was selfish long before he abandoned you.”

Bucky curled into himself at the word ‘abandoned’. That’s exactly how he felt right now.

“I was too b-broken,” he sobbed as the dam finally broke. “I c-couldn’t go. W-we both knew that.”

He could hear John’s words in his head, You. Deserve. Happiness.

“I am extremely glad you didn’t, James,” Zemo consoled in a fevered tone as he leaned in to kiss away every tear. “John and Ava are also fortunate that you didn’t. You must reconcile that the best outcome came from a terrible decision. And that perhaps, Steve Rogers was your friend but that you were a better friend to him than he was to you.”

He’d fought Steve’s enemies. He’d offered his home to him after his parents died. He’d fallen from the train for him. He’d broken free for him. He’d died for him. And his reward was seventy years of trauma and to be forgotten. 

Steve was a good man; he knew that. Everything the man had ever done was to do the ‘right’ thing. He’d wanted to go to war and fight. He’d offered himself up for the serum. He’d rescued Bucky and his men from Azzano. He’d fought HYDRA. And he’d gone into the ice. 

But the future had changed him and Bucky couldn’t deny that. His friend had been colder, more cynical, and tired when Bucky met him again. Steve had been hardened by HYDRA lurking under his nose and by Nick Fury’s participation in Project Insight. Steve had resisted the Sokovia Accords, which by all rights existed because of his tendency to abandon the crises that the Avengers caused. 

And yet he’d fought Thanos with no promise for a tomorrow. He hadn’t fought Bucky on the Insight helicarrier as it went down. He’d freed him from being trapped. He’d found him in a safe haven in Wakanda. It didn’t make any sense.

You deserve to have someone put you fucking first.

“He wasn’t perfect,” Bucky admitted through his tears. “And she was more important to him than I was. B-But he cared. He did care. He could have let them lock me away. He didn’t. I don’t-- I don’t think he knew how to help.”

Zemo kissed his forehead and whispered, “Correct, James.”

“I admired him so much,” he said softly. “I thought that maybe if I followed after him, I’d get better. It was the first hope I felt since HYDRA took me when I realized he was still around. If-- If he hadn’t gone into the ice, they would have had me forever. But I got free and my friend was still around.”

“Rogers helped you as much as he was seemingly capable,” Zemo agreed. “But I do not think his instincts were the right ones for fixing what was broken. Not New York, not Sokovia, not you.”

“I love you,” Bucky said suddenly, desperately, as he was hit with the weight of how patient Zemo was with him. “You t-take such good care of me. I’m sorry I’m always a mess.”

Zemo repositioned himself to put Bucky’s head in his lap as he continued to wipe away his tears. “As I said, James, healing is painful. You have buried so much pain so deeply… It takes a long time to unpack it all. To rush this would do you absolutely no good.”

“I feel like--,” he started before he let out a sad laugh at himself. “I feel like all I’ve done is try to rush this. Steve and Sam tried to rush this. It’s-- It’s not their fault. They both got better so fast. They have traumas too… Sam lost his friend in Afghanistan and came back to start counseling others on getting better. Steve came out of seventy years in the ice and found a whole new set of friends so easily.”

His lover started massaging his shoulders lightly as he spoke very gently, “Neither of them have ever been raped to my knowledge, James. Let alone more than once. Neither of them were ever tasked with killing children. Neither of them were ever deprived of all human decency for a lifetime. Neither of them were subjected to shocks so powerful that they created an entire separate mind within their body.”

Zemo continued in a pained whisper, “To assume you were going to recover at the same pace was so far beyond realistic that it’s painful for me to even hear that you tried. You are not weak, James. You are human .”

He closed his eyes as his lover’s words washed over him and carried away a portion of his pain. Everything sounded so real when Zemo said it. It was like the man could just open up his heart and see what he needed to hear. 

“I’m glad I didn’t go,” he mumbled softly as he opened his eyes up to stare at Zemo above him. He even smiled a little. “I don’t think I would have ever gotten better.”

“Probably not,” Zemo agreed as he returned to stroking his face to trace the edges of his smile. “You would have been stuck pretending for your entire life.”

Bucky repeated lovingly, “The best outcome from a terrible decision. ”

He paused and added a little mischievously, “We could say that about my decision to break you out of prison actually.”

Zemo smirked down at him as he said, “Yes, I suppose we could. I am infinitely thankful that you did, James. It was a very boring existence. I fully intend to spend the rest of my life taking care of you, which is a far more rewarding experience.”

Hearing those words was like a spell as the tight ball of sadness in his chest loosened further. He felt lighter. He felt like maybe he was finally getting to a place of 'okay' with how things ended with Steve. It still hurt, but he didn't feel like he'd made a sacrifice anymore; instead a choice. Zemo really did manage to make him breaking down somehow end with him feeling good. 

Still, he groaned in false misery and complained, “John is right. I am a fucking crybaby. Always with the waterworks. Do you know I can’t honestly remember crying once past childhood back in the 40s? It wasn’t something that guys did; at least publicly.”

“Men also didn’t publicly enter relationships with other men,” Zemo pointed out with a smug smile before his expression melted to a sweeter one. “Tears are complicated, James. One can reach the lowest low and shed none and one can reach the highest high and shed rivers. Have you ever considered you’re finally allowing yourself to? You’ve been burying things so deep and only partially processing your pain for so long.”

“You’re right,” he agreed as he broke back out into a smile. He reached up to cup Zemo’s cheek and ran his thumbs along his skin. It felt good to just reach out and touch without the worry of being rebuffed. “You’re always so fucking right.”

“A dangerous sentiment, James,” Zemo said with another wisp of smugness in his voice as he turned his head and kissed his vibranium palm. 

Chapter Text

They settled into a comfortable routine over the next few days as they worked to recover from their trip to the Raft. Zemo took to cooking breakfasts and Olivia cooked dinners. She was a much better cook than her husband, it turned out.

The mansion had a weight room and gym so Bucky, John, and Ava spent the majority of their time sparring while Zemo watched or read a book. His lover enjoyed watching him fight as much as he enjoyed seeing him in his gear. Something about the act of Bucky fighting was something of a turn-on for his lover. 

The most interesting development was the settling of their ‘family’ dynamic. Something had changed at that breakfast. It was like everyone could sense that this was the new ‘normal’. 

Bucky would lie down for a nap on the couch and Ava would lay down beside him and throw her arm over his middle. He’d watch some TV and John would plop down beside him as close as he could. Olivia would go out of her way to touch him slightly in greeting. A hand on the shoulder, a pat on the cheek, ruffling his hair… And of course, Zemo was all over him like usual so Bucky was basically always being touched throughout the day. 

The Soldier loved it. Zemo had given him the order to declare the want for contact when it occurred to him and he’d become so addicted to the affection that he was almost constantly pushing for control. Bucky didn’t mind exactly, but it was kind of embarrassing to be so needy. 

One afternoon he’d woken up from a nap and found himself sleeping beside a napping John and Ava was laying on his chest. 

He’d held it together long enough to get free of them both before he called the Soldier out from his internal nap and asked what happened. His other half hadn’t understood why he was so embarrassed by the fact that he invited both of their friends to cuddle like he was an overgrown teddy bear. 

And, sure enough, John kicked up his own affection from that point forward too and Bucky was completely outnumbered and outvoted. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy it, but he was over a hundred years old. Okay, so maybe he needed a hug every now and again, but did he really need the bombardment? 

The only thing he kept reminding himself of was that Ava seemed to really enjoy it, as her expression always smoothed out to pure contentment when being held, and John and Olivia seemed to just be touch-y people. Still, aside from a handful of hugs in his life, he’d never been so completely drowned in affection. 

Well, that wasn’t exactly true as he recalled his little sister. He used to hold her and pick her up all the time when he was young and he did miss that. He missed having a sibling; even one as young as Rebecca had been when he left. John and Ava were his siblings-in-arms, he supposed. 

Zemo was very encouraging of the whole affair. When Bucky was in a tense mood he always recommended a nap or spontaneously one of his friends would appear and start touching him. He was sure the other man was running off to go tell them that Bucky needed attention. That didn’t help with the embarrassment, but, grudgingly, he had to admit it tended to help his moods.

Their new dynamic included more than touching too. Olivia would ask him dozens of questions and sit for hours listening to him. Whenever the content got too heavy to handle, she would patiently wait for him to pull himself together before he could continue. 

John would go out of his way to pull Bucky into small games and activities. Sometimes it was as simple as an impromptu spar and other times it was ‘let’s go see how far we can throw things with our super-strength’. Bucky had to admit that spending time with John was probably the easiest. The other man had a good way of not treating him like glass while still dodging his problems. 

Ava was the slowest to integrate into their new way of life, but she was coming around. Aside from the napping thing, she was overall the quietest and most reserved. Olivia had taken to being affectionate with her too. She would spontaneously grab the other woman and drag her off to spend time together. ‘Girl time’, she called it. 

But the former assassin was improving. She liked having conversations about philosophy with Zemo and reading his books. She would also go out of her way to be near the Soldier when he was out. They seemed to understand each other very well.

Overall, it was-- perfect and it was real. 

This wasn’t something he had in Wakanda. He’d isolated himself there aside from visits from Ayo, Shuri, and T’Challa. Steve had popped by on occasion after he was out of cryostasis, but the other man had been busy with missions mostly. And his apartment in the States was completely empty aside from some blankets on the ground and a TV. 

Now he was waking up with his lover tangled around him and going downstairs to see his friends eating breakfast. Anyone out there that was looking for them wouldn’t look here and they were safe. 

But they weren’t in the business of being safe, but making the world safer. Which meant this had to come to an end; if only temporarily. 

That day found them gathered around a table ready to discuss their next mission. They were all eating lunch as Zemo explained the order of operations.

“We have two enemies: the Power Broker and Левиафан. One is well defined and the other more nebulous. For as much as we know about Левиафан, we know more about the Power Broker. We know he’s located in Madripoor. We know he’s connected to the rise of the re-engineered super-soldier serum. And we know he’s angry that we killed his scientist,” Zemo explained between bites of his own food. 

“Do we have a description?” John asked as he leaned forward onto the table. 

“Baby, elbows,” Olivia tutted as she lightly smacked his forearm. John just grinned at her and kissed her nose as he pulled back.

Zemo sighed and admitted, “None, I’m afraid. We’ll need to secure information from someone in Madripoor. It will not come easy.”

“I can rupture organs without even breaking skin,” Ava supplied with a smirk. “I think we’ll be able to get our information just fine.”

Bucky cut in, “We don’t want to leave a body count. Madripoor isn’t made up of saints by any stretch of the imagination, but they’re not all evil. Our target is the Power Broker. All we need is a name, a face, and a location. Between the four of us, we can take care of the rest.”

“But there will be a body count, James,” Ava shot back seriously. “When it comes to such things… There’s always a body count.”

“We managed to get in and out of the Raft without any casualties,” he countered.

Ava raised an eyebrow and said, “That we know of.”

Zemo held up a hand to stop their bickering. “Our methods need not be unnecessarily bloody. By choosing the target from which we get our information well, our chances of success are increased. The Power Broker has shown with Selby’s death that he is not afraid to kill his own underlings to protect his identity.”

John frowned. “What if he’s not actually in Madripoor? A guy that powerful could be anywhere if he’s only a phone call away from giving an order at any time.”

“Then we will adjust,” Zemo said with a slight tilt of his head. “I still have some contacts in Madripoor with whom we can start. It is fortunate that no one ever saw James break character as the Winter Soldier there. We can leverage the fact that you broke me out of the Raft as ‘proof’ that I ‘control’ him. He will be a valuable intimidation tool. Once set upon a target, he’s quite inevitable.”

Bucky grimaced and Zemo murmured, “Apologies, James.” He waved his hand to dismiss it. He knew how this stuff went. Besides, the Soldier who was happily curled up in his head at the moment was happy to be controlled by Zemo.

“We may even be able to get information about Левиафан while in Madripoor. The city holds many secrets,” his lover mused. 

“How long do you think until Val calls?” John wondered with a serious tone. “I’m sure she’s heard the news of the ‘rogue’ Captain America at this point. Gonna have to find a way to weave in the new name to the broadcasts. Do people like us just announce themselves? Like, ‘Hi I’m the US Agent’? That sounds weird as fuck.”

Bucky stared at the other man with a deadpan expression as he pointed out, “You literally introduced yourself as Captain America several times. I was there, idiot.”

“Yeah, but everyone knows who Captain America is,” John grumbled. “We’re supposed to be stealth ops right?”

“There’s no way in hell you’re ever going to be ‘stealth’ anything, loudmouth,” Bucky declared. John took offense and threw a piece of food at him. He dodged and fished a piece of ice out of his water to throwback.

“You’re acting like children,” Zemo said with amusement as Olivia giggled and dodged the ice that bounced off John’s forehead. “As lovely as it is to see you playful, James, we do need to focus.”

He just rolled his eyes at John and focused back on Zemo who continued talking, “This ‘Val’ likely won’t call now that you’ve been seen with James acting as the Winter Soldier. HYDRA and Левиафан are not allies and if they assume that James has returned to HYDRA then they will assume HYDRA has recruited you as well.”

Bucky shivered at the implications and the Soldier squirmed unhappily in their mind. Even just the thought of that was disgusting to his entire being.

“In keeping with that,” Zemo said slyly. “I’ve taken the liberty to procure you a new suit. It should be very similar to your current one, but-- I didn’t think it fair to Sam to have you continue to operate using Captain America branding.”

He cringed again at hearing Sam’s name. He should have called him by now to let him know that he was fine. Though the other man was probably well aware due to his appearance on the news following the mission on the Raft. 

Their home was only in ‘Sokovia’ by technicality because Sokovia no longer existed. With the annexation of the country’s land, they were actually technically in Serbia. Still, the remnants of Sokovia were still considered to be somewhat ‘no man’s land’ despite their official annexation. The population remaining still considered themselves to be Sokovian. All of this meant that they were well off the radar for the time being. Very little information went in and out of what was left of Zemo’s homeland.

It made this place very safe for them with the current media coverage going on and Bucky was thankful for that.

“A new suit?” John asked while perking up. “Can I see it?”

Zemo shook his head and clarified, “It will arrive tomorrow. I think you will find it sufficient, though I hope you won’t mind the colors.”

John’s eyes carefully flicked up and down over Zemo’s person and Bucky could see him assessing his lover’s fondness for maroon and wine-colored clothing. 

“It’s not purple, I promise,” Zemo said with mischief lacing his voice. “You’ll have to see for yourself.”

“What about you, Baron?” Ava wondered with a quirked-up eyebrow. “If you intend to be in the field with us… You’re the only normal man here.”

“I wouldn’t call Zemo normal , per se,” Bucky muttered under his breath.

His lover just tossed him a smirk and answered Ava, “I have procured my own set of gear. It’s very well protected against most dangers, though… I should probably leave larger threats to one of you. I would not underestimate me, however.”

“I’ve never seen you fight, Baron,” Ava continued to press with interest sparking in her eyes. “All I know is you single-handedly ended the Winter Soldier program and broke apart the Avengers. How does an average man, even one as wealthy as you are, do such a thing?”

Zemo looked to be considering her words for a moment as he paused in his eating. Then, without warning, he flipped the knife in his hand and slammed it into the table hard enough to bury it in the wood upright. 

Bucky’s eyes widened even as the Soldier woke up instantly to slide into sync with him and they were suddenly very aroused.

“I spent many years of my life as a Colonel in a paramilitary group called EKO Scorpion. I created it with the hopes to resist the power HYDRA was exerting over my people and my country,” Zemo explained with deadly seriousness to his voice.

“C-created?” he stuttered as his heart began to race from how hot this was making him. “You said joined before.”

His lover’s face darkened as he smirked and suddenly Bucky was right back in Siberia looking at a very dangerous man from behind the glass inside the HYDRA facility. Why was that so intense right now?

Zemo continued, “I did say joined, yes, James. I created it and then I joined it. I could have easily pulled the strings from afar, but I was done hiding from HYDRA. So I gathered my countrymen who were willing to resist. They were the ‘loyalists’ who were opposed to the rebellion being staged against my family. The so-called ‘rebellion’ was a propaganda tool HYDRA used to turn brother on brother.”

“We began to take out key HYDRA members and research their organization as best we could. Of course, you know the analogy about the HYDRA’s heads. No matter how many we killed, they would replace them. And yet, we managed to keep a tenuous peace for a while… Until the scepter came into the hands of Baron Strucker, who had holed himself up in the Research Base in the mountains. We’d been hoping to assault it for some time, but… It was nigh impenetrable.”

“I traveled the world in search of every scrap of info I could get on HYDRA,” Zemo said softly as he traced a finger down the edge of the blade he’d buried in the table. His finger split and welled up with a drop of blood, but he didn’t even flinch. He wanted very badly to lick it off. 

John snorted, interrupting Zemo’s story, and asked, “Are you going to jump his bones right here, Buck?”

Bucky hissed back, “Shut the fuck up.” It wasn’t a great insult, but all of the blood needed to feed his brain was now located in his cock.

Zemo looked very pleased at seeing him in such a state. He even lifted his bleeding finger to trace Bucky’s lips as he murmured, “Here, дорогой.”

If Bucky had the self-respect to not flick his tongue out, well, the Soldier didn’t share it. His other half instantly captured the tip of his lover’s bleeding finger in their mouth and ran his tongue along the cut. Zemo’s eyes dilated as he stared into them. 

“Would you like to fuck before or after finishing the story?” John asked sarcastically but he was smiling. “I see now why you’re so fucking loud. You’re into kinky shit; I get it.”

Bucky didn’t bother to correct him that they were actually very tame because the Soldier was still diligently sucking on Zemo’s finger in front of all their friends. He blushed in annoyance at his other half’s lack of self-control. 

“Where was I?” Zemo asked in a breathier, huskier voice. “Ah, yes. My search took me to places like Madripoor and other… unsavory locations. Anywhere HYDRA lurked, I tried to go. I became quite skilled in putting on accents and blending in. Gaining the confidence of others. Killing without leaving a trace.” He pulled his finger free finally and traced Bucky’s lips. 

“My work in New York wasn’t my best, I’ll admit. But believe me, Ava, I am very capable of being as lethal as I need to when necessary. I’m a more than decent marksman and better in hand-to-hand situations than you’d expect. My primary talent, however, is being underestimated,” Zemo finished as he continued to lean in closer to Bucky. He leaned up to capture his lips in a kiss and every last drop of his blood still managing to stay above the waist relocated below it. 

He staggered to his feet, grabbed Zemo by the hand, and hissed, “If you’ll excuse us.”

As he dragged a very smug-looking Zemo behind him, he could hear John wolf-whistling, Olivia giggling, and Ava calling out, “Enjoy.”

Chapter Text

He got Zemo into their room and proceeded to shove him against a wall as he latched his mouth onto his lover’s throat. 

“J-James, so wild,” Zemo muttered as he threaded his hand in Bucky’s hair. “Did the knife truly appeal that much?”

His brain was far too flooded with arousal to respond so he bit down on Zemo’s neck instead and growled. His lover was so fucking hot when he acted that way. It made him think back to how smoothly he’d greeted him back at the prison in Germany. He didn’t enjoy hearing the activation words, but, in retrospect, there was something so hot about the idea that he knew them. He knew all the right strings to tug to get Bucky panting.

And Bucky was panting now, hot and heavy, against Zemo’s skin. He dropped his head against his lover’s shoulder and groaned in need as his mind was overwhelmed in fantasy.

Желание.

He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. 

“James?” Zemo asked tentatively, his lustful tone bleeding into actual concern.

“I-I’m fine,” he answered in a wavering voice. “I’m just-- I think I’m getting worked up by something I didn’t know could turn me on.”

His lover pushed him away gently and surveyed his face. Bucky instinctively tried to hide it by looking away, but he and the Soldier were still in sync and his other half was too obedient for that.

He raised his head to meet his handler’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what was causing James such intense emotions, but he was going to help his handler find out. He said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with James, sir. We’re both very aroused though.”

“Thank you, маленький,” his handler said softly. “I’ll try to find out what’s going through his head.”

Zemo continued to push him back until he walked backwards to the bed and sat down on it. 

“Tell me, James,” his lover ordered and he shuddered from the idea of receiving a command. 

“I was-- You with the knife was hot. And it made me think about how seductive you are when you’re in control. Then I started thinking about--” He trailed off into another desperate moan as he imagined it again. 

Ржавый.

Zemo still looked very confused as he watched Bucky fall back against the bed. He knew he was hopelessly aroused and making no sense. It didn’t even make total sense to him. These words terrified him once. The sinking feeling of even hearing them out of Ayo when they were testing their effectiveness after deprogramming him was intense to remember.

But Zemo wasn’t Ayo and he wasn’t HYDRA. Once upon a time Zemo saying the words frightened him, but things were different now. 

He fell onto his back and panted out, “Say them. Say the fucking words.”

“I-- Are you sure that’s wise, James?” Zemo asked, both gentle and serious. “The programming is still active in маленький. Furthermore, even if I did not accidentally activate you or him, doing so makes me potentially uncomfortable at the implications. I may have taunted you with them in Germany but I had no intention to finish the chain.”

Bucky reached up and bit his finger for a moment to cool himself down enough to speak. “Even if you activate me, you know how to wake me up, right? Zemo I-- I trust you. I don’t know why I want to do this, but I want to do this.”

He listened to what James said and wondered about the suddenness of this request. His handler had been very seductive at the table and so it was no surprise they were in need, but he found it very strange to want to hear the activation words. They did not alarm him as they did James, but he’d been under the impression that they greatly alarmed James.

Still, all the sensations in their body were good ones so he said to his handler, “James feels very confident in this, sir. The thought brings him a lot of pleasure.”

Семнадцать.

Bucky added in a broken moan, “I just want you in control. I like when you’re in control. Because-- Because I’m not afraid of you. You said it yourself that power is sexy. I fully consent to this.”

“I don’t have to say the words HYDRA drilled into you to have control, James,” Zemo cautioned. "I can easily take a more, ah, commanding role without needing to do so."

“Yeah, but… I want you to,” he begged as he tried to pour all of his meaning into the words. “They’re your words now, right? They meant that I belong to someone. So as long as you have them, we belong to you .”

He nodded along with the sentiment James was projecting. 

His handler frowned slightly still. “You are not an object. You are my lover.”

Bucky rose up to press a kiss to Zemo’s hands. “I know. I’m your lover, see? And you’re mine. I don’t have words for you, but I can give you mine.”

Zemo looked like he was going to argue some more for a moment before he finally whispered, “Желание.”

All the lust that had flagged came back at once and he let out a positively desperate whimper.

“Ржавый,” his lover continued as his eyes started to glaze over from need. His head was throbbing from the Soldier’s cycling corrections, but it was so worth the hot rush of blood in his veins. 

Zemo stroked his cheek gently as he said, “Семнадцать. Рассвет.” 

“I love you so much,” he choked out as he fell back on the bed again. In a very soft whisper, he added, “Маленький, retreat just in case. You can come back out in a minute.” His other half complied and retreated into their mind. 

Zemo ran his hands up and down his legs as he continued, “Печь. Девять. Добросердечный.”

Bucky’s skin prickled in goosebumps as the words washed over him and pulled him along in the tide of want. He couldn’t tell if they actually were working or if he just remembered how it felt when they did because he felt like a series of locks being undone with each word a key.

“Возвращение на родину,” his lover half moaned as he was also caught up in how deeply this was effecting Bucky. “Один.”

“Товарный вагон.”

Bucky’s mind went blank but his cock throbbed dangerously in his pants. He felt half drugged. Awake but not awake. Most specifically, he realized, this was nothing like being activated. And yet it was better because it wasn’t real. He was still safe. 

Zemo panted the word, “Солдат?”

The Soldier slid back into sync with him and answered, “Я готов отвечатЬ.”

“Please, undress,” his handler commanded though his voice was shaking slightly.

Still, he stood up and started undress with a quiet, “Yes, sir.”

Bucky was sure his face was giving away the game because he was barely able to stand from how completely turned on he was at that moment. It was lucky that the Soldier was good at obeying because he would have just laid there and whimpered.

“Is James okay?” Zemo asked with a small thread of concern in his voice. 

Dazed, he nodded but didn’t speak. Instead, the Soldier responded for them with another, “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” his lover breathed, somewhat comforted, as he watched the Soldier strip them. 

Even though the Soldier had worked fast, by the time he was naked, Zemo was almost as much of a mess as he was. His cock was a hard line in the front of his pants and he was still panting slightly. His hands were twitching with the desire to touch and his eyes were black from lust. 

He watched his handler open and close his mouth several times trying to find words to say but nothing came. It was somewhat amusing as his handler was always so confident. It seemed as though his handler liked this game too. 

He resisted the urge to smile as he asked, “May I kneel, sir?”

His handler blinked at him with a somewhat blank expression before he translated in his head and he responded, “Yes, Soldier. You may.”

With permission granted, he fell to his knees and stared with intent at his handler’s arousal. He licked his lips slightly, pretending to soothe the slight tear from James biting there, but he met his handler’s eyes as he did it. He willed his eyes to say what he was asking.

His handler shuddered and whispered, “Proceed.”

He surged forward to run his mouth along the length of his handler’s clothed cock. He carefully unzipped his handler’s pants and began to undress him too. His handler helped by removing his shirt and kicking off his pants. 

Once his handler was naked too, he licked a long line from the base of his handler’s cock to the tip and swallowed it down. The sound he received was sweeter than any reward protocol but it functioned basically the same as his body thrummed with pleasure. His handler had started giving him a reward protocol each morning and it lasted for the better part of the day so he was already more than happy and eager to please. 

He carefully pulled away and reversed their positions so that his handler had his back to the bed and he urged him to lay down. His handler went easily as he continued to pant and gasp as he returned to licking along the length of him. After a few long licks, he swallowed him back down and sucked.

His handler’s hand tangled in his short hair and he moaned happily around the cock in his mouth. He wished it was still long. 

“Солдат,” his handler groaned as his hips lifted off the bed slightly in pleasure. He could handle it if his handler wanted to thrust… but he and James did not want to be choked or have their breathing obstructed. So he carefully held his handler’s hips down as he continued to suck and lick. 

His handler’s cock was dripping fluid and he licked it away as he pulled back to kiss all over it and his handler’s thighs. Just the taste of him made his own cock throb. 

Bucky might as well have been watching a movie of this all playing out but the sensations were still just as powerful and he was so into it. 

The Soldier was so attentive in his work that it meant his own motions were turning him on too. The taste of Zemo on his tongue... The slow, satisfying slide of him in his mouth… The hazy feeling of being ‘activated’. He couldn’t restrain the moan that escaped him between the Soldier’s peppered kisses all over Zemo’s cock. 

He could tell from the way his handler’s cock was dripping faster that they couldn’t continue on this path unless he intended to finish him that way. It was tempting, and he could finish happily on his own, but James was aroused too. His other half wanted more; he could tell. 

So, he pulled off and asked sweetly, “How do you want me, sir?”

His handler let out a desperate sound and his cock twitched violently. His handler’s hand shot down to squeeze the base of it. After a long moment, his handler gasped out, “On the bed. On your back.”

He complied as he climbed up on the bed and laid on his back. He carefully grabbed a pillow to put under his hips because he figured his handler may be a bit distracted at this point. 

Sure enough, his handler’s thoughts were centered on quickly moving to get the lubricant from the bedside table. He smiled at his handler’s rushed movements. He enjoyed the knowledge that he’d caused this. 

He reached over to stop his handler’s hands as he went to pour the lubricant on them and murmured, “Should I do that, sir?”

His handler closed his eyes tightly and nodded. “Yes, солдат.”

He took the lubricant into his own hands and applied it liberally to his normal fingers. The metal ones were unpleasant for this task. Then he rolled over onto his knees and slid two into himself slowly. 

Both Bucky and Zemo let out twin groans of pleasure and Zemo moved to run his hands down his back lightly as the Soldier worked. Bucky realized deliriously that they had never done this to themselves. It was oddly intimate to be touched this way and yet not be the conscious one doing the touching. It left him shuddering in need as the probing opened him up tenderly.

He worked quickly for his handler’s benefit but carefully for James. He paid specific attention to his own pleasure for his other half as he rubbed their hips against the bed for some extra friction and brushed their prostate often. 

To be so in control during sex was a rare treat that James had given him. Normally he was there but mostly clinging to his other half. This time he had been given specific permission to keep main control. He wanted to make this good for James.

When he felt they were sufficiently ready, he rolled back over and spread his legs enough to allow his handler between them. His handler moved there and looked down at him with lust-drunk eyes and a loving expression. 

As his handler slid inside him slowly, he whispered, “Ты мой единственный." He savored the sensation of their bodies coming together even as his handler bowed his head in overwhelmed pleasure.

“Ты мой единственный,” his handler echoed back as he nearly lost all control on the spot. His hips were stuttering in small half-thrusts as he tried to go slow. 

After a brief chance to acclimate, his handler started to thrust in earnest and the power behind every one was enough to take his breath away. His handler wanted him very badly. Every single thrust rocked the bed and brought a whimper spilling over his lips.

His handler grabbed his legs and brought them tightly around his hips as the man lifted him slightly to correct his angle and deepen his strokes. It was heaven. 

He and James were blurring now. Each powerful thrust left his cock twitching and his hands clenched in the sheets below them. His handler leaned forward to get as close as he could to kiss him as he pounded into him. He still had the taste of his handler’s cock on his tongue, but that didn’t seem to bother his handler as he licked into his mouth.

He was clawing at the sheets again, he realized, and he tried to stop but Zemo was fucking him so hard that he could barely think. His body didn’t feel like cooperating with much more than tightening his legs around his lover and crying out in need between each burst of pleasure. 

“I... I… I’m sorry, дорогой. I can’t think. Please finish. I’m going to very soon,” Zemo panted heavily as he pulled his mouth back for just a second before diving in for another wet, frantic kiss. He pulled back again and whispered, “You taste so good, дорогой.”

That was all he needed to erupt all over his stomach and cry out loudly. Zemo thrust once, twice, three more times and glued his mouth back to his as he came hard inside him. 

He was so completely spent but the comedown was slow so his entire body was still buzzing as Zemo pulled away quickly and leaned down to lick the cum up off his stomach. 

“Fuck,” he exclaimed as the very idea of that forced his cock to give a few final orgasmic twitches. And again when Zemo came up to shove his tongue into his mouth and let him taste himself. 

Despite how filthy the kiss started, it dissolved into a slow and languid one as Zemo fell to the side and forced him to roll over onto his. They tangled their legs and pressed their bodies close. 

As they parted, Zemo panted to catch his breath as he lovingly said, “Осень.”

Autumn. It was his wake-up word. 

He laughed softly at the thoroughness of his handler to finish the game. “Thank you, sir. We are awake now.” He reached up and traced his fingers all over his lover’s features in adoration.

 Zemo smiled back and murmured, “Good afternoon, дорогой.”

Chapter Text

They stayed in bed after they were done until the sun set just languishing. After some time, his mind separated back out to his respective parts and the Soldier retreated inside to rest while leaving Bucky back in control. 

While Zemo continued to trace phantom patterns in his chest he finally said into the gloom of the room, “I should call Sam.”

“Mm, I agree,” his lover said softly. “I find it odd that you haven’t called already. Would you like to talk about it?”

Bucky let out a slightly bitter laugh. “Not much to talk about. He didn’t approve of the decision to take back the mantle of the Winter Soldier. He didn’t approve of breaking you out.”

“He’s a man who sees the world in a very black and white way, James,” Zemo mused. “He also seems to draw the majority of his lines based on intent. Karli Morgenthau’s intent was good but her methods were flawed. Your plan to free me was of ‘poor’ intent but your methods in getting me free were extremely restrained. You showed far more mercy to those guards than Karli did to her enemies.”

“He’ll never see it that way,” he whispered. “He may have known what we planned at the Raft, but by the time we’re actually doing something worthwhile, he’s going to see me as a villain. I’m trying to accept that, I guess.”

Zemo hummed in understanding. “His approval is important to you.”

“Not as much as Steve’s was,” Bucky muttered. “But I guess he’s Steve’s successor, right? Who wants to be a monster in the eyes of Captain America?”

“Do you feel like a monster?” his lover asked as he rolled over to look into his eyes despite the darkness. 

He shook his head. “Not anymore, but it’s a thin line. This close to the edge… I’m one mistake away from that.”

“It is not a line, but an area, James,” Zemo explained gently. “One I’ve explored thoroughly. As someone who has spent a lifetime in that area, it’s not as clear-cut as one mistake makes you a monster. Because you will make mistakes. You will have regrets. It’s a part of life.”

“What were your mistakes?” he wondered as he tried to dodge the introspection that line of thinking led to. He already had so many regrets. “You seem to make so few of them.”

“Can it be considered a mistake if it was a success at the time?” Zemo asked with a self-deprecating laugh. “If so, then activating you in Berlin was a mistake. Choosing to return to my post while Ultron fought the Avengers in the city… that was a mistake. And yet it led to this. Funny how even tragedy blooms into joy with time. If you cut the head off a rose, it grows a new rose.”

Bucky looked at his lover and cupped his cheek. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Zemo opened his mouth but nothing came out for a moment as he dropped his head into Bucky’s hand. Eventually, he managed, “It’s not a happy story, James. Not something for the afterglow.”

“I cry in the afterglow all the time,” he coaxed carefully as he ran his thumb along Zemo’s cheek. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to-- I just feel like I know much less about the man I love than I’d like to.”

His lover pulled his head out of Bucky’s hand and moved close to lay it on his chest instead. He moved to basically cradle Zemo against him as the other began to speak, “When Ultron came, I was still active in EKO Scorpion. We were celebrating Baron Strucker’s recent capture and the defeat of the rebels. It felt like-- Like things were about to change. It felt like the war was ending.”

“But… The remaining rebel supporters were angry and there were skirmishes breaking out all over the country. I got my family out of Novi Grad right as the Avengers were on their way. I left them with my father and left to return to my men. We were stationed outside the city with the intent to move in to-- to support the Avengers. After all they had defeated Strucker. It seemed we shared a common enemy.”

Zemo’s voice caught as he spoke and Bucky carefully ran his hands through his lover’s hair to soothe him. The other man continued as his voice dropped to a mere whisper, “My wife begged me to stay. My son begged me to stay. But I told them I would keep our people safe. Then, Ultron lifted our city out of the ground and into the sky…”

“What were we to do? We watched and waited. Novi Grad only stayed in the air for an hour or so before it fell to Earth in pieces. I’m sure it felt like quite the victory for them. They believed they had evacuated the city. And yet, as life always proves, they had assumed too much. Dozens were missed within Novi Grad and the rubble wiped out the surrounding landscape at random.”

Zemo grabbed his hand tightly as he said the next words, “It missed me. We were right there and it missed me. The shower of debris was as fair a chance as the Infinity Stones. Some of my men were crushed. Some survived. I survived.”

“I rushed to my father’s home as fast as I could and found it destroyed. A large piece of rubble had demolished the house around them. I dug until my fingers bled and kept going. They had moved to the basement-- I suppose they thought they would be safe there. But the speed of the falling rubble had cratered it. They were together in a huddle at the bottom of the pile. My-- My father was on top of my wife and son. He tried to shield them with his body. They were-- unrecognizable. If I had been a delusional man, I could have reasoned they could be anyone.”

Bucky felt tears well up and started to spill and the sound of Zemo’s own were lacing his voice. The wet trickle of them dropped on his chest as his lover started to shake. 

“They went home. Tony Stark made his monster, unleashed it on us, and then left. Steve Rogers left. Even Wanda Maximoff, a Sokovian native, left. No one helped me find their bodies. No one helped me bury them. And when the world around us took notice, it was so they could cannibalize our nation.”

Zemo looked up at him in the darkness and said weakly, “I know what monsters look like, James. Ultron was a monster. Tony Stark lived within the area between hero and monster. You would not be here without him and yet he took everything from me. The world is not simple enough to call it a line.”

He had no response for that as he rocked his lover in his arms for a long time after. Bucky pressed soft kisses to the top of Zemo’s head. The Soldier was starting to wake and push closer and Bucky let him out carefully. As he felt him slide into sync with him, he murmured, “Маленький, Zemo is-- we’re having a difficult conversation. But he is physically alright.”

He made a sad noise at what James said and kissed his handler’s forehead. “Did I--”

“No,” his handler said quickly. “This is not your fault. James and I were discussing my past.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” he whimpered anyway. He didn’t like his handler being in pain.

They lapsed into silence for a long time until Zemo murmured, “My son’s name was Carl. He was about to turn five. He adored Iron Man. While we were riding to my father’s home, he watched Iron Man in the sky from the car. He believed that he was here to save our people. When I got ready to return to my post, he hugged me and said, ‘Papa, Iron Man will protect you’. Little did he know Iron Man had doomed him already.”

“His birthday was approaching. My wife had planned to throw him a party and I was meant to make time for it,” his lover explained through his tears. “I promised I’d be there.”

“I’m so sorry, Zemo,” Bucky breathed as he pulled his lover in as close as he could get him. He tried to wrap himself around him like he could shield him from the pain. “You didn’t deserve this.”

“And yet, I have recovered,” Zemo choked out softly. “It hurts terribly, James, but I am not an unhappy man. I would sell my soul to hold them again but I do not spend my life in misery.”

Would you go if you could?

He wanted to ask. He felt the question creep up his throat and he clenched his teeth to stop it from escaping. Just thinking it shredded his heart into pieces.

Would you change it?

Bucky wanted to ask, but he couldn’t take the answer. It wouldn’t do them any good to hear. Zemo-- He wouldn’t want Zemo to feel like he had to say he’d stay with him and he couldn’t handle hearing that he wouldn’t have. Being abandoned once was enough.

But the thought wouldn’t keep bombarding his thoughts and he started to shake too. He begged in his thoughts for the Soldier to take control enough to stop the shaking, but his other half didn’t understand. 

“James?” Zemo asked carefully. “What’s wrong?”

Bucky tried to shake his head slowly but the movement was jerky. “N-nothing.”

It was a moot point anyway. Banner had destroyed the machine. It wouldn’t do him any good to bring it up. At best he made Zemo sad and at worst he made Zemo falsely hopeful. Neither was a good solution. He was sure that the man had considered it enough on his own.

Zemo sat up in the darkness and turned on the light to look at him. Bucky didn’t look up in shame but his lover forced him to look up at him. Zemo’s own eyes were rimmed red and there were tear tracks down his cheeks. Bucky whimpered and raised up to kiss his lover’s tears away.

“James, explain what is hurting you,” Zemo demanded softly. “Please.”

Bucky swallowed down the panic and lied smoothly, “I’m just hurting for you.” 

Zemo didn’t look like he believed him but he didn’t ask again. He just stared at his face suspiciously until Bucky opened up his arms to beckon the other back. His lover slid in beside him again and pressed close. 

He buried his face in Zemo’s hair and tried to stop thinking as much as he could. He didn’t need to know. He didn’t want to know. 

After a while of silence, they fell asleep curled up together just savoring each other’s breathing and closeness.

When he woke, he was alone in bed and the room was still dark. Pitch black, so it was late he figured. He reached out to the bed beside him and found it cold. He hadn’t even felt Zemo get out of bed at any point and his lover had clearly been out of bed for a while. Bucky rolled out of bed and put on sweatpants to go look for him. 

He tried the bathroom first but found it empty and the shower bone dry so he hadn’t gone there. The hallway outside their room was dark too as everyone was probably asleep. He was quiet as he crept downstairs to check the kitchen. Nothing there either and no one was up. 

The library was next. It was where Zemo spent most of his alone time so it was a good guess. But he wasn’t there either. 

Now Bucky’s heart was starting to race. Where the hell was Zemo? 

He rushed out to the garden to check the benches where Zemo would spend time reading in the sun. He wasn’t there. He ran into the house and tried the gym. No one. He tried the basement. Empty.

His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest at this point. He checked to see if the quinjet was there and it was, so that meant Zemo was there too, right?

Panicking now, he went to go wake Ava. He knocked on her door and got no response. 

Completely out of his mind with worry, he opened her door and found the room empty too. 

He tried John and Olivia’s room and found that empty.

Where were they? Had they gone somewhere? Without him? Why?

Tears started to roll down his cheeks in fear as he realized he was completely alone. There was no one, no sound, no breathing, nothing in the house. He backed up against a wall and slid down it as he began to hyperventilate. Why would they leave? 

This was insane, he thought. They wouldn’t leave him here alone. Not on purpose. 

But they weren’t there either. He rushed back through each room looking for some sign of where they went. Nothing seemed out of place except that Zemo and his friends were gone. There were no notes, no signs of a struggle, nothing missing. It was like they walked out of the door and just disappeared. 

“Маленький?” he whimpered finally trying to wake up his other half. “Маленький do you know what happened? Has time passed?”

There was no response and Bucky finally realized he-- he couldn’t even feel the Soldier there. There was no snowfall, no swirling, no fuzziness. He was completely alone. 

Bucky screamed so loudly that he bolted up and off the bed and promptly blacked out as his consciousness shut down. 

He woke up violently as James forced them to jump out of bed and then he was pulled into full control. His other half was screaming in their head again. 

“ James ?” his handler called in fear through the dark room. A second later the light flickered on and his handler rushed over to him. He had collapsed into a small ball on the ground at how loudly James was screaming inside. 

“S-screaming, sir,” he whimpered. “He’s screaming. I don’t know why.”

His handler dropped down beside him and ushered him into his arms. His handler soothed, “Shh, маленький. Did he have a nightmare?”

He wasn’t sure but a nightmare sounded logical so he said, “I t-think so, sir.”

His handler led them back to bed and caressed him softly. “Can you wake him? Tell him it’s fine. He’s safe.”

“James,” he thought to his other half gently. “Come out. You’re safe. Our handler says you’re safe.”

James didn’t come out but his screaming lessened slowly as he continued to coax him forward. His other half didn’t budge. He’d locked himself deep away and wouldn’t approach. 

“His screams are stopping, sir,” he said sadly as he added, “But he’s not coming out. He’s still very frightened.”

His handler looked very distressed and he pressed him close and rocked him slowly. They kept trying for a long time, but James wouldn’t come out. Though his screaming eventually fully stopped, his other half was still pressed very far back in their mind. No matter what he said, he couldn’t calm him down any further. And, after so long of comforting rocking, he slowly slid back to sleep without James ever emerging. 

Chapter Text

When he woke up again and found James still curled up in the corner of his mind, he was officially worried beyond measure. His handler was already awake and stroking his face gently as he woke.

“Still in control, маленький?” his handler asked softly.

He nodded and frowned unhappily. His other half was still radiating terror, though he wasn’t screaming at least. 

“James?” he thought to his other half. “Are you okay? Please come out.”

His other half shifted but it was only to move further in their head. James had never done this before. His other half generally trusted him when he called out to him. Whatever the nightmare contained, it had frightened James to the core. 

He tried to radiate nothing but pure comfort inward to coax James out but all it did was cause the pulses of terror coming from James to slow a little. 

“James, our handler is here and ready to take care of you. Please come speak with us. We want to comfort you.”

Finally, finally, James started to edge a little closer. He continued to coax and call out to him tenderly. His other half was moving so slowly and carefully. He felt him slide into sync with him and he instantly felt the dread and panic cause their stomach to drop. He wrapped his arms around himself and did his best to comfort James.

“Shh, James,” he murmured as his other half caused them to start crying. “We’re okay.”

His handler wrapped him up in his arms too and rocked him back and forth. “James, please talk to me. What was the nightmare?”

Bucky felt like shutting down again immediately. Just being awake felt like too much. He was blissfully unconscious and away from his pain while he was inside. But he knew he was scaring the Soldier and Zemo. And he wanted proof that they were still there.

“You were-- You were both gone. I dreamed that I woke up and everyone was gone,” he gasped out as he started to fall apart. “You, Ava, John, Olivia… Even-- Even маленький.” 

He was struck by the wave of the despair overwhelming James as he spoke. His other half was terribly afraid of the thought of being alone. He whimpered for them and hugged himself tighter to hold James. Their body was being wracked with sobs at this point.

“We’re still here, James,” his handler soothed. “I swear to you that I am not going anywhere.”

Bucky heard that and cried out in pain as he remembered the prior evening. He couldn’t keep this inside anymore. He had to know. “W-would you? If y-you could, w-would you go back? L-like Steve?”

Zemo moved like lightning to grab his face in his hands and force him to stare into his eyes. “James, I am not a man tempted by ‘what if’. As far as I’m concerned, the past has happened and cannot be changed. If you are under the impression that you are somehow less to me than my wife and child, then I must dispel you of that notion. The three of you exist in my heart in equal measure. No, I would not abandon you. Even if the opportunity presented itself. You will find this hard to believe but it’s possible to miss what I’ve lost and love what I have.”

He cried harder and pushed his face closer into Zemo’s hands.

“Besides, I’m not so much an egotist as to believe I could make alterations to the world guaranteed to make it better. Perhaps I went back, saved them, and then lost them again to Thanos and my changes meant the Avengers failed in undoing his work. Then I would have lost all three things I love. I could not take that chance. Furthermore, my heart is wholly yours now. While I love my wife, she is gone and I have mourned her. I would long for you if I left,” his lover finished as he brushed the tears away from his cheeks.

Bucky couldn’t even talk; he was crying so hard as he wrapped himself around Zemo’s middle and clung to him. He should have never doubted his lover, but the thought just hadn’t gone away. Then the nightmare was too much to bear. 

“You are my priority in life now, James,” Zemo whispered as he kissed the top of his head.

You deserve to have someone put you fucking first.

He owed John a hug too, he guessed, because the other had been so right. He wasn't sure he deserved it, but he definitely needed it. His tears felt less like sadness and more like relief now as the weight of Zemo’s words settled over him. He wasn’t just a replacement to fill a hole in Zemo’s heart and a spot in his bed. 

“T-thank you,” he stuttered and let Zemo hold him as the Soldier softly tangled with his thoughts. “I was scared when I t-thought you were gone. I can’t-- I can’t go back to that. I can’t be a-alone anymore.”

Zemo shushed him and promised, “You will never be alone again if I can help it, James. And маленький will never leave you. It was a dream. Not a surprising one given-- Given what we’ve discussed recently. Please do not keep your fears inside. How can I heal your wounds if you don’t show them to me?”

“I t-thought,” he started and then swallowed heavily. “I thought I was getting b-better. I haven’t had a n-nightmare in so long.”

His lover laughed sweetly and kissed his head again. “James, what do you think the word ‘better’ means? You are getting better. Every day you blossom more and it gives me such hope to see you getting more confident. You mean to say you thought you were ‘recovered’. You do not have to be fully recovered to be ‘better’. And being ‘better than you were prior’ is completely acceptable.”

“This is w-worse though,” he sobbed. “I don’t want to go backward.”

“Your path forward will not be linear, James. It winds and loops and perhaps feels like a circle sometimes. We are here to support you through how confusing that can be,” Zemo said as he started to rub circles on his back. “We will also uncover wounds you may not even realize exist. We will heal those too.”

All of Zemo’s comforting words made the idea of being without him all the more terrifying again and he hid his face at the concept renewed his fear. But it was less potent now because his lover was there and his other half was there. And his friends were right down the hall or downstairs. He would be okay so long as those things remained true.

Bucky took long, deep breaths and willed himself to calm down as he and Zemo fell into silence. After some time, he finally managed to get his tears to stop and force his breathing to even out. 

That’s when Zemo announced with a thinly veiled amusement, “Time for a shower, дорогой. We didn’t get one after last night’s activities and now we’re covered in all sorts of fluids.”

He allowed himself to be led along into the shower and carefully washed. Bucky was feeling more like himself by the end, but he was still a little raw emotionally. He felt almost embarrassed to go and see everyone else given he’d run off with Zemo mid-afternoon, stayed in bed for the rest of the day and night, and then woke up screaming. He wondered if they’d heard it. They could only faintly hear John’s every night.

They made their way downstairs after the shower so that Zemo could begin cooking for everyone. Bucky took a seat at the table, crossed his arms on it, and rested his head as he watched Zemo work. It was still early and the sun wasn’t quite up, but they all tended to wake around the same time. 

Like clockwork, a sleepy-looking John walked in a few minutes later. Zemo already had a cup of coffee made for him waiting. 

“Thanks,” John muttered as he took the cup and sat down beside Bucky. His friend took a long sip before looking at him and asking, “So what was the nightmare?”

Bucky turned his head away and frowned. “None of your business.”

“Ah-ah,” the other man tutted like an insufferable school teacher. “You know mine. Time to share.”

He looked back at him and glared but John just smirked. The Soldier was probably messing up his facial expression. His other half didn’t seem to have any animosity left to spend on any of their friends. 

Eventually, Bucky sighed and admitted, “I dreamed I was alone.”

“What a dumb nightmare,” John said with a laugh. Bucky looked at him sharply; half-offended, half-appreciative that John hadn’t edged away from him. After a minute, John continued, “Not gonna happen, pal. You’re stuck with at least my ass for life at this point. How could I leave buddy to deal with you alone?”

“You must have taken him with you because he wasn’t there either,” he said lowly as he looked away again.

“Also not going to happen. He adores you. Besides, can you imagine Zemo trying to find someone as into knifeplay as you? And where would I get my daily dose of angst?” John pondered with a snicker. “We’re not going anywhere. Not without you too.”

He swore to himself he wasn’t going to cry again so instead he bit the inside of his cheek hard and looked away. Unfortunately for him, the Soldier didn’t agree with that and forced them to look back at the other man.

“I would like a hug, John,” he requested kindly on behalf of James. “The dream upset me very much.”

John’s face broke into a grin as he pulled him into a tight hug while saying, “Aw, come here buddy.” Bucky glowered at the wall behind John in embarrassment.

His friend held him tight for a long time and said, “Don’t let mean ol’ Bucky stop you from getting a hug when you want it. Grumpy old man likes them too.”

Bucky really didn’t want John to pull back anymore because that meant he’d see his positively crimson face. He didn’t want to admit that the jackass was right, but he also wasn’t pulling away either. At least his other half had pretended the nightmare caused him to want a hug and not Bucky.

When John finally pulled back, Bucky quickly got up to go fix himself a cup of tea so he didn’t have to look at him. Luckily, Olivia and Ava walked in not much later and peeled John’s eyes off his back. 

They ate in relative peace with just Zemo announcing that the gear they were expecting should arrive that afternoon. Which meant he was free to slip away to go work off some aggression on a punching bag in the gym. 

Each strike carried away a little of his tension and helped brighten his mood. His family was still there. Zemo still loved him. And his other half wasn’t going anywhere. These were good things. True things. And as long as they remained true, he would be okay. 

Zemo came in at some point and watched him strike from the side of the room with half-lustful eyes and that helped improve his mood too. Bucky was pissed he’d basically ruined a night of amazing sex with his little freakout. His lover was due for a make-up session that didn’t end in him waking up screaming. 

“Who do you imagine you’re hitting?” his lover wondered aloud after a while. “One of your handlers? Mr. Rogers?”

Bucky shrugged lightly. “Probably more of an abstract target. Can I be punching my nightmare?”

“Of course,” Zemo said with a nod and a smirk. “Though I’d like to offer you a more interesting target if you’re up for it.”

He looked at his lover and raised an eyebrow. The other man stood smoothly and Bucky finally noticed he was wearing much more athletic clothes than usual. 

“Uh--,” Bucky muttered as he raked his eyes up and down his lover’s body. “What are you doing?”

Zemo walked in front of him and took a fighting stance. Bucky just stared back with his mouth hanging open. 

He knew that Zemo could fight. He knew that. Bucky had counted on it when he broke the man out of prison. But this? They hadn’t done this yet. In fact, how Zemo stayed in shape was an entire mystery to him.

“I’m quite capable, James,” Zemo said slyly. “I’m no super-soldier, but I’m decent at hand-to-hand. I’d like to stay in form if we plan to go to places like Madripoor. Indulge me.”

“I could accidentally kill you,” Bucky answered bluntly as he continued to stare. “I’m not sure it’s worth the risk.”

Zemo smirked again and decided for him as he struck. Bucky dodged; barely. He blocked the next strike and went to flip Zemo onto the mat but found that Zemo was missing from where he looked. Instead, his lover was already behind him and attempting to deliver a kick to his back. Bucky whipped around and caught the kick and dragged him forward only for Zemo to catch himself with his hands and use his other leg to kick his first free. 

He let go out of reflex and Zemo was able to push his entire body weight up on the palms of his hands to spring back to his feet. 

Bucky was in awe already. 

“You’re very fast,” he commented as he blocked more strikes. They weren’t enough to take him down by any stretch of the imagination, but hopefully, Zemo wouldn’t be fighting super-soldiers. His lover was more than fast enough and strong enough to overpower most other men.

“Thank you,” Zemo purred as he continued to punch and dance around Bucky’s attempts to grab him. “I’ve always been agile.”

He eventually had to stop playing fair and kicked out at Zemo’s legs only for Zemo to tuck into a roll as he fell and create extra distance. 

Bucky smiled as his lover pulled himself to his feet. “Well, I feel better about you in a fight. I figured you were more of a shooter-type. I didn’t know you were actually trained for close-quarters combat.”

Zemo brushed his hair away from where it had gotten messy enough to fall slightly into his eyes. “My skills are what I need them to be. If I am not capable, then I learn. I am primarily a marksman, but I wasn’t interested in being caught off guard by a fight. Besides, the strength came in handy when hanging your former handler by his ankles over that sink.”

Bucky shivered. He wished he could have been there to see that. 

“I feel it is in my best interest to begin training again,” Zemo explained as he moved to begin striking his own punching bag. “We have many fights ahead and we have no idea what we’re up against. It would be unfair to let you three have all the fun.”

He sat back and chose to watch his lover work up a sweat rather than going back to his own training. The sight of Zemo fighting was near as arousing as the knife had been the day before. 

I must have a danger-thing, he mused as his blood ran hot at the spectacle before him.

John and Ava joined them not long after that and had their own chance to admire Zemo’s sparring skills as Bucky once again snuck away to both cool down as well as finally call Sam. He finally felt like he was in the right state of mind to handle it which meant it had to be now. If Bucky was going to break down every other day, he had to seize his moments. 

The other man picked up after a few rings and he greeted, “Hey, Sam.”

“Wondered when this call was coming. Hey, Buck. Long time no talk feels like.”

Bucky grimaced. “It’s only been a few days, Sam.”

The other man snorted and said, “Sure and that was before you took Walker and Starr to go get Zemo. Do you know how many times I’ve been asked where you are this week? Everyone thinks I helped you.”

He refrained from mentioning that Sam did, in fact, help them. Instead, he muttered, “I’m sorry, Sam. It was something I needed to do. And I’m a hell of a lot better off for it.”

“Yeah, but now I’ve got Ross all over my ass wondering where you are. The guy has a hard-on for this sort of thing and you know it. I’ve had to publicly deny involvement and denounce your actions, Buck.”

He wondered if that got the same prime time speech treatment as Sam dressing down the GRC officials. 

“I hope you’re off where no one can find you, Buck. Don’t suppose I could convince you not to leave if you are?”

“No, sorry,” he said with a sigh. “We’re going back to Madripoor. Going to kill the Power Broker.”

Sam groaned through the phone and hissed, “Jesus Christ, Buck …”

Bucky frowned as he responded, “Whoever he is, he deserves it. Can Sharon provide us some assistance? I wouldn’t get her involved, but-- You know how it is. In Madripoor we’ve still got the bounty on our heads.”

“No can do. I managed to get Sharon that pardon. She’s staying State-side now. I don’t even want to get her ass involved in any of this nonsense. Your pardon has been revoked by the way. Not risking hers too.”

He sighed again and pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead. “Okay. Fair. I owe my therapist an apology I think.”

Sam laughed again bitterly. “Oh yeah, definitely. She’s going to be in trouble for not seeing this coming. The one thing, maybe, going for her is that they believe that Zemo activated you. If she leverages that, she may be able to keep her job.”

He cringed in on himself. He hadn’t intended to get her fired. Maybe he could send something to the States to absolve her. “I’ll see what I can do for her.”

“Buck I just-- I don’t get it still.”

“You probably never will, Sam,” Bucky said softly. “But I’m happy. Honest to God, happy. I’ve got-- Zemo is good for me. John and Ava are good for me. I’ve got a better life now than I’ve had since 1941. I can’t lose this.”

“But you’re not doing good things, Buck.”

He clenched his jaw slightly to hold back the snapped reply that wanted to escape. He took a deep breath and said, “Subjective in my opinion. Are you telling me the Power Broker doesn’t deserve it?”

Sam said something that the phone didn’t catch, but, when he spoke again, he said, “Maybe. Maybe not. We’re not supposed to be the Judge, Jury, and Executioners. You don’t have to kill him. You could put him away for life.”

Bucky laughed despite himself. “ Power Broker, Sam. It’s right in the name. People like that always escape justice. There’s only one way this ends and the world will be better off for it.”

The sound of kids came through the phone faintly and he could hear Sam call, “Hey, hey! Stop messing with-- That’s not a toy. I-- I’ll deal with you in a minute.”

“I’ll let you go,” Bucky said with a sigh. “Can you trust me, Sam?”

Sam didn’t respond at first and, when he did, all he said was, “I want to, Bucky.”

“Good enough, I guess. Talk to you later, Sam,” he responded deadpan as he hung up without letting Sam say goodbye. 

Bucky dropped his head into his hands and heaved a heavy sigh. That hadn’t gone the way he wanted but it wasn’t a total disaster either. At least Sam knew he was safe now and he knew that everything was at least going as expected in the States.

The Soldier was still mostly in sync with him and he felt his other half slide more fully into tandem with him to say, “I don’t like Sam, James.”

Bucky laughed and answered, “I know, маленький. I suppose this is one of those things we’ve got different opinions on. Sam is my friend. To you, he’s an ally only.”

“He doesn’t know you and doesn’t seem to care to try,” he muttered back to James.

“Yeah well… That’s why I have everyone here,” Bucky murmured and smiled to himself as the thought washed away the rest of his frustration. 

Chapter Text

The new gear for John arrived that afternoon and they all gathered in the sitting room to wait to see him try it on. 

Bucky was at the point of tapping his foot in impatience as the man had rushed the suit off before letting anyone see. Now the man was taking forever to get it on. Zemo was waiting patiently to try on his own gear and Bucky was eager to see that.

“If I can get into my gear faster than this,” he muttered under his breath as his lover reached over to pat him on the knee. 

“Patience is a virtue, James,” his lover purred. 

He huffed and flopped back against the couch. Ava was curled up at his side and chose to lay her head on his shoulder; effectively pinning him there. Mindlessly, he reached up to brush his fingers against her long hair. Whenever she was being affectionate, he tried to make an effort in return.

She wondered aloud, “What is taking him so long?”

Olivia was seated in a nearby armchair and she piped up, “I bet it’s the helmet.”

“John, hurry the fuck up!” he called to the other man with a scowl. 

He heard John laugh and shout back, “So touchy. Hold your horses. You’re not gonna die waiting, Buck. ” Bucky rolled his eyes. At this rate, he just may. 

Eventually, though, John emerged and revealed a suit that looked nearly identical to his last one but the colors were in black and red and the ‘A’ over the heart was a black star instead. The material looked sturdy and protective but clearly allowed for somewhat better movement than the last suit. Probably designed with slightly less protection than the last suit now that John was a super-soldier. 

Bucky’s mouth twitched as he resisted smiling. “You look exactly the same.”

“It’s the same. But black,” John noted as he turned around and investigated the suit. 

“A tragedy it couldn’t do anything to fix your face,” he lamented with a sigh. 

John moved to punch him in retaliation but found his targets blocked by Ava and Zemo’s heads as they rested on his shoulders. “Not fucking fair. Lose the bodyguards and come say that to my face.”

“No thanks it’s intimidating enough from over here,” Bucky said with a smirk and held up his hands as if to keep the other away. Olivia giggled as John chose to go for a punch anyway to Bucky’s stomach and got blocked by vibranium. 

Zemo sighed with fond exasperation as he moved away to go try on his own gear. “I will return momentarily. Try not to damage the furniture with your roughhousing, children.”

Bucky tried to respond but was instead bombarded by another poking attack from John who had weaponized his ticklish side at this point. Unfortunately for him, Olivia sided with her husband and joined in on the poking. He was left helpless to fight back out of fear of hurting her as he began to laugh unprompted from the poking. 

“T-this is unfair,” he half-growled, half-gasped between laughs as they continued to tag-team poke him. “Ava h-help .”

“Oh, no, James,” she refused with a slight smile. “From where I’m sitting you invited this yourself.”

He glared at her as much as he was able and dropped onto his back against the couch with the intent to curl in on himself and protect his stomach at least from the pokes. His sides would be vulnerable but that was better than the alternative. 

By the time Zemo remerged, he was actively struggling to catch his breath through the laughter and his three companions were radiating pure satisfaction. They got way more out of tormenting him than he found fair, but he’d be a liar if he didn’t admit in his own head he was enjoying it today. After the nightmare, he was desperate for this proof they were still there. 

He sat up after being freed from the poking to see Zemo and felt the entire flow of his blood turn south at the sight of his lover in uniform. 

“Oh, so you want to fuck again,” John said with a laugh of his own as he looked at Zemo. “Do you just live for turning him on or what? If Liv fucked with me this much, I’d lose it.”

As much as he didn’t want to admit John had a point, he had a point. 

Zemo smirked, shrugged carelessly, and said, “That wasn’t the intent but I do take pride in my appearance. If it appeals to James, who am I to complain?”

The Soldier who had been happy just hanging out was clenching their hands as their brain jolted from the wants that seeing Zemo like this sparked. 

“Your gear suits you very well, sir,” he said timidly with a heavy swallow. His handler looked incredible like this. 

The other man was wearing heavy boots with dark brown military fatigues, a belt with at least two combat knives sheathed and a gun holstered, what looked to be a wine-colored kevlar-lined turtleneck, and a brown fur-lined bomber jacket, probably also kevlar-lined. Overall it was less tactical gear and more outfit but it looked fantastic on him. He might even have another few weapons on that belt on the back.

“D-do you just have to be fashionable always?” Bucky asked weakly. “You look amazing, by the way. I just-- You look like you’re going to a fashion show more than battle.”

His lover narrowed his eyes as his smirk twitched. Smoothly, he flicked open the sheath to one of his knives, withdrew it, and threw it directly at Bucky. Or rather, right beside his head, where it embedded to the hilt in the couch. 

John made a noise of horror and cried, “You just told us not to wreck the furniture. And you’re killing the couch just so you can get Bucky in bed again? Literally just ask, man. He’d probably do anything you said right now.”

He was right. Bucky would. Mostly because his body had completely gone over to lust the second Zemo touched that knife. He didn’t know he could throw them too.

Okay, he definitely had a danger-thing.

Zemo approached with a slight saunter to his walk as he pulled the knife free and returned it to its sheath. Bucky wanted to fall to his knees and get his mouth on him right then. 

“Well, at least you’ve got a healthy sex life,” Olivia said with another giggle. “That’s important in a relationship.”

“We’re calling this healthy?” John asked sarcastically but he otherwise looked unbothered as he threw himself onto the couch beside Bucky. “I have to admit Bucky is right though. The knives are cool but is that get-up even bulletproof?”

His lover tilted his head in confirmation as he explained, “Yes, the shirt, pants, and jacket are lined with vibranium.”

That woke Bucky up. He exclaimed, “What ?”

Zemo smirked down at him in amusement. “I am vastly wealthy, James. How does this keep surprising you? Wakanda may have control of vibranium, but there exists a market for stolen vibranium. I wasn’t able to procure enough for all of us yet, but when I do I will provide the three of you with gear made of it as well. In the meantime, as the only one among us with no enhancements to speak of and most vulnerable to gunfire, I used it on my own gear.”

Bucky slapped a hand over his face and muttered, “Please God, I hope T’Challa doesn’t know and never finds out.”

“I have no intention to tell him,” Zemo promised as he dipped down to kiss the top of Bucky’s head. 

Aside from the implications of Wakanda finding out, Bucky was relieved to hear it. Losing Zemo to a stray bullet wasn’t high on his list of things he wanted out of this mission. 

“You keep surprising, Baron,” Ava murmured as she reached up to touch Zemo’s clothing curiously. “Your power of being underestimated is clearly working for you. What now?” 

Zemo sat down beside Ava to allow her to keep fiddling with his clothes. Her fingers were particularly drawn to brushing the fur of his jacket. Bucky smiled slightly. The Soldier also liked touching the fur that Zemo enjoyed wearing. 

“Tomorrow we will head to Madripoor to begin investigating the Power Broker. Our initial plan of attack is that we find him quickly and eliminate him. If that fails to happen, then we will need to find a way to operate within Madripoor without drawing excess attention. The bounty on mine and James’s heads still exists,” Zemo mused with a finger on his chin in contemplation.

After a moment, he continued, “Our best hope for safety is to take refuge in High Town, which is the section of the city that caters to the ultra-rich. I have taken the liberty to procure us lodging there to serve as our base of operations. From there we will make contact with my remaining sources in Madripoor.”

“Well that tracks given the ‘ultra-rich’ bit,” John muttered. The man pretended to cough as his wife elbowed him in the stomach for being rude.

“It would be nice if we had any information to work with,” Ava said with a frown. “If the goal is not to kill our way to the finish line, we’ll need to be picking our victims carefully. Are we certain anyone knows who the Power Broker is?”

“No. Unfortunately, we don’t,” Zemo admitted gravely. “We’ll have to uncover the answer to that ourselves.”

Ava shrugged. “Then there will probably be a list of victims then. It doesn’t matter to me, but I’m also less concerned with the state of my soul than James.”

He grimaced and said, “I’m not naive, Ava. I know this won’t be blood-free. I’m just asking that we keep it blood-light. Particularly it’d be nice if we made sure the people we kill deserve it.”

“A difficult question to answer in the heat of a battle, James,” she said as she laid back down against him. He moved to hold her automatically and felt the way she practically stretched like a cat as she made herself comfortable. 

Bucky rested his chin on top of her head and sighed. “We can defend ourselves, of course. I’m just saying if it reaches the point of interrogation. I can get a lot of info out of someone non-lethally. It won’t be-- pleasant for them, but they’ll survive.”

“A comfort for them I’m sure as you’re peeling off fingernails,” Ava retorted with a huff of laughter and a small shift of her head closer to him. 

“Lost fingernails never killed anyone,” he quipped in a falsely bright tone. “It is better than the alternative for them. They’ll appreciate it when they realize who I am.”

The Soldier helpfully supplied, “James and I are good at interrogation. HYDRA forced us to perfect it.”

“You’re terrifying sometimes, buddy,” John said fondly as he grabbed hold of Bucky too and pulled him and Ava backward to lean on him. Bucky didn’t resist, but now he was effectively trapped. Still, as his face heated, he didn’t mind as much as he should have.

He blinked at John’s new hold on them and the way that James caused their face to heat up. He resisted the smile that wanted to creep onto his face at his friends taking care of James. This was good for his other half after his nightmare. He tried to assist further by forcing them to lean further into John and hold Ava closer. He liked being close with his friends.

Bucky was blushing heavily as his other half soaked up the attention they were getting. He was sure John was being extra touch-y today because Bucky had told him about the nightmare, but he didn’t expect the Soldier to join in on this. Sure, his other half normally liked cuddling, but this was over the top.

Zemo and Olivia who were both watching were loving it though, he could tell. They both wore smirks that were stretching at the edges as they tried not to grin. John and Ava didn’t have the angle to see how red Bucky’s face was but the other two did. Mutinously, he ducked his head to hide it in Ava’s hair. 

Olivia got a curious expression and wondered aloud, “Ava, Bucky, do you have siblings?”

“No,” Ava answered simply and Bucky muttered, “Used to.”

Olivia looked like she regretted asking, but Bucky cut in again to say, “It’s fine. The fact that I’ve been kept around in cryostasis for so long is one of the easier parts of my life to accept. My sister is dead but she lived a long and full life.”

The woman still looked a little tortured but she admitted, “Sorry I didn’t mean to dredge up bad memories. I just thought the three of you kind of reminded me of me and my brother and sister. We were raised in an affectionate family so we used to do stuff like that all the time. John doesn’t have any siblings either.”

“I’ve had people who were like siblings. Lemar was as good as a brother to me,” John added as he dropped his own chin on top of Bucky’s head. At this point, they were stacked like матрёшка dolls and he was getting over warm. Not that he planned to move. 

Bucky nodded as much as he was able. “So did I. Steve was like a brother to me too.”

“I’ve never had anyone but the man who raised me,” Ava said quietly. “Though given where I was raised, it’s better that way. I wouldn’t wish it upon any other children.”

“And now you have us,” Zemo supplied smoothly as he reached out to pet Ava’s long hair.

He could feel and hear Ava’s swallow before she whispered, “I suppose you’re right.” Both he tightened his hold minutely and the Soldier pressed his cheek to the top of Ava’s head. 

John snorted in laughter and said, “Well you’re all cheaper than therapy. But if you had told me when I met this guy that I was going to end up in a different country cuddling his ass on a couch, I think I’d have put a higher bet on winning the lotto. Beats the alternative of sitting in a house back in the States and being miserable. Whatever the fuck this is, well, it’s working for me.”

“We’re like a family,” Olivia chirped with her usual bright personality reemerging.

Bucky’s stomach swooped at the fact that this was the first time one of them had said it out loud. His heart hammered in his chest as he waited for the response. What would John and Ava say to that?

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” John said simply like it was that easy. After a second, the other man added, “Jesus Christ, Bucky calm down. Your heart is going a million miles per hour. What did you think I was going to say?”

Bucky didn’t respond. His face went full red and he growled instead at John pointing out his heart rate. 

He felt the other man sigh and John muttered, “You put up a lot of walls for being such a needy fuck. Drop them, idiot. You’re having nightmares that we up and abandon you and then you get pissy when we’re showing you we care.”

“I--,” he started, his anger giving way to embarrassment. 

“You don’t always need to play tough guy, Buck. You think I’m this clingy normally? Or maybe I just also kind of need the anchor? If I can suck it up and admit it, you can,” John continued quietly. “Don’t pretend this doesn’t help. Let me fucking help . You’ve been wound tighter than a two-dollar watch all day. You may have calmed down after the nightmare but you’re not over it.”

They were all watching him and he was dangerously close to crying as he bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. He tried to nod to avoid talking, but at some point, both John and Ava had tightened their holds until he was basically immobilized. 

“I just--,” he choked out. “You were all gone.”

“Like I said,” John murmured. “We’re not going anywhere. I already told you I’m with you from here on out, remember?”

Bucky swallowed down the emotion bubbling up and croaked out a simple, “Okay.”

Ava softly added, “I’ve never had a family. Not since my parents died. This has been an interesting way to find one… But I’m also tired of being alone. I suspect we’re alike in that regard, James.”

“Yeah,” he breathed weakly as he met Zemo’s eyes. His lover looked positively victorious and tender all at the same time. 

“Good,” John declared sternly. “Now new family rule: when you need a fucking hug just ask for it. Don’t make me watch you be tense all day. Ava doesn’t tear herself apart when she wants someone to hold her, she just gets someone to do it. Take some notes, Buck, Jesus .”

Bucky finally cracked and the tears started to trickle out but he laughed anyway. “You’re worse than my therapist with her stupid fucking notebook. I was fine. I would have been fine .” The Soldier gently brushed the tips of their fingers against their palm to soothe him.

“Why be fine when you can be good?” Olivia asked gently as she reached out to grab Bucky’s hand. 

“Exactly,” John said intensely. “I know where you’re coming from, Bucky, I really do. I don’t like being weak either. They didn’t train us to be weak. But I know what they did to you. That’s not-- That’s not the stuff the weak survive. We’ve all been to hell and back. You, me, Ava, and Zemo, right? Where else are you going to find a better support group?”

Bucky groaned slightly even as his heart swelled with tenderness. “How long have you been planning this speech?”

“Since before we even got Zemo back,” John admitted sheepishly and, though Bucky couldn’t see his face, he could imagine the earnest expression. “When I got to be the only person you got to talk to-- It felt good to help, Bucky. When you hear something like that, how can you not be called to action? To help any way you can?”

Ava nodded below him and said, “This is what I saw in the Soldier's eyes that motivated me to join you. I saw someone who could finally understand. I wanted to feel like someone finally had an inkling of understanding of what S.H.I.E.L.D. put me through. This has been… far sweeter than sitting alone in an apartment in pain and waiting for relief.”

Zemo finally jumped in to add, “This is everything I have been telling you, James. You’ve done marvelously well letting me in, but why stop there?”

He looked around as much as he was able to the others in the room. John and Ava holding him tightly, Olivia holding his hands, and Zemo watching him with loving eyes. People who chose him over something else. 

More tears trickled down his cheeks and he finally let the tension bleed out of himself as he relaxed fully into the hold he was in. It wasn’t until he did that he realized how much he had been resisting. He thought that by not moving he was giving in to the affection but the way his body tensed had made it more like being restrained. Now that he was relaxed, he could feel his other half's relief flood him and mingle with his own. The Soldier had been pushing him towards this for days.

“There we go,” John murmured very softly. “Now we’re making progress. Let’s work up to trusting us point-blank from here on out, okay?”

“Okay,” he whispered and fully let himself lean into his friend. “Please don’t leave me.”

Olivia squeezed his hand and said sweetly, “Never going to happen, Bucky. We don’t leave our friends behind. Much less our family. We’re in this together now.”

"T-thank you," he choked out and he could tell that the Soldier echoed the sentiment from within.

He met Zemo’s eyes and tried to pour every single good feeling in his heart into his gaze. From the way his lover’s smile wavered around the edges with emotion, he figured Zemo understood.

Chapter Text

By that evening, Bucky had been effectively hugged into a dazed state of contentment. The aching in his heart where the nightmare had been hiding was now warm and fuzzy. His other half was tangled up in his thoughts and he was pleasantly dizzy. 

Zemo was clearly quite happy with this as they went to retreat to their room. His lover had been all over him taking his own due affection from the moment John and Ava released him. It made Bucky even dizzier as the contentment was infused with renewed lust at his lover’s attire and behavior. 

This was probably their last night at home and he wanted his chance at a redo of the other night. More than anything, he wanted to get his hands on Zemo in that gear.

Once they were finally, blissfully, alone, he turned to his lover and purred, “Now that I’m feeling better… Why don’t you let me see more of that gear? It really does look good on you.”

Zemo smirked as Bucky started to run his hands all over his lover’s torso. “James, I am beginning to think you’ve got more than a simple affinity for knives. You react so beautifully whenever I have one.”

“Mm, you’re right,” he agreed as he hooked a finger under the neckline of Zemo’s shirt and tugged it low enough to expose skin. He latched his mouth to the spot he uncovered and nibbled. After a few love bites, he added, “John is right. You spent all day working me up. The fight, the gear, the knife … It’s a miracle I have kept my head on my shoulders all day.”

“You think that was an accident?” Zemo groaned as Bucky returned to leaving open-mouthed kisses all over his neck. He lifted his head and bit down on Zemo’s earlobe with as much force as he felt safe using. His lover seemed to enjoy it as his hips thrust forward in response and he hissed. 

Bucky was pushed back by Zemo until he hit a wall and was forced to meet his lover’s dark eyes. His other half was now fully aware of where things were headed and slid into sync properly with him. The twin threads of lust merged into one and left him breathing heavily. 

His lover was wearing leather gloves and his hand was splayed on his chest as a warning.

Zemo leaned in and breathed, “Дорогой, I am currently reading your desire as enjoying a more-- ah, intense experience tonight. Am I wrong?”

Bucky bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I want. I liked what we did the other night. Could we roleplay a bit again? Different setting?”

His lover moaned slightly and pressed his forehead against his. “I’m happy to oblige, дорогой. However, I need to know you’ll tell me if it crosses a line for you, okay? I’ve seen far too much commitment to enduring pain from you lately.”

“I promise,” he agreed eagerly. “You don’t really need to worry. I’m so fucking onboard with this. But if it starts to freak me out, I’ll stop you. Just don’t hit me and don’t choke me. You-- You can restrain me a little if маленький is okay with it.”

He heard the terms James defined and nodded happily. “Yes, sir. I am fine with everything James said. I will also announce if anything is upsetting. He let me have fun yesterday. I would like for him to get the same opportunity.”

Zemo drew in a shaky breath and nodded. His lover dropped his head for a moment and closed his eyes. When he looked back up, his expression was totally different. The lust was still there but it was under a thick layer of confidence and seductive taunting.

“Hello, солдат,” Zemo purred with a slight uptick in his accent. “It’s been so long. Still, dancing to the tune of the Avengers? Or perhaps you’ve learned to think for yourself?”

Bucky swallowed heavily and realized that was his line. 

“Uh-- I--,” he tried as the ability to improvise failed him. Zemo was clearly going for a reunion scene similar to meeting again in the prison in Germany. He tried to think of what he’d say if this were actually happening. His lover waited patiently and his eyes briefly looked amused before settling back into the same expression. 

“Don’t call me that,” he hissed after a moment. “It’s ‘Bucky’. And the Avengers don’t even exist anymore. You destroyed them.”

Zemo tilted his head and his smirk twitched slightly as it tried to grow into a smile. “And to think, they called my plan a failure. Seemed to work well enough. Now tell me, солдат-- Ah, apologies James. What does a man of your… skills do now that you’re an ordinary civilian?”

He scowled and spat with false venom, “None of your business, Zemo.”

The man in front of him crooned regretfully as he began to carefully trail the hand that was still gently pushing him against the wall up until it was just below his collar. His eyes flicked down to stare at the hand for a second before coming back up to keep them on Zemo. He shouldn’t take his eyes off a danger when it was right in front of him.

“That’s a pity, James. I thought that our shared experience, perhaps… created a bond. A shared connection. Does any man alive besides me know what it is to control you?” Zemo continued as he brushed his leather-covered thumb across the skin of Bucky’s collarbone peeking out from his shirt. Blood rushed directly to his cock and he pressed himself against the wall tighter.

“Y-you’re delusional,” he bit out as he continued to dart his eyes down to the hand touching him. 

Zemo readjusted his head to tilt the other way and continued to swipe his thumb over skin slowly. “And yet you’ve not snapped my neck, James. Maybe my thoughts aren’t so far off from the truth. Even if you don’t want them to be.”

Bucky clenched his teeth and hissed, “I don’t kill anymore. But you’re trying my patience.”

“I bet you’re a very patient man, James,” Zemo breathed as he leaned in a little closer, forcing Bucky to flatten himself against the wall as much as possible to maintain some distance. “But everyone has limits. Tell me, do you enjoy the company of lovers often these days?”

His jaw dropped at the boldness of the question as he stammered, “W-what kind of fucking question is that? I’m-- I’m busy.”

Zemo’s smile was like a shark who scented blood in the water. “So the answer is no then. Too busy for lovers, James? A man has many limits. The limit to his patience… The limit to his self-control. How is your self-control lately? It’s a relatively new concept to you, isn’t it?”

Bucky knew how he would normally respond to that. He weighed the option in his mind for a second before committing. He raised his hand to grab Zemo’s throat very carefully and, much slower than he would normally, reversed their positions to press Zemo against the wall by his throat. 

He wasn’t applying any real pressure but he made up for it by snarling, “ Fuck you .”

If Zemo was surprised by the move, he didn’t show it as he continued to smirk and he murmured heatedly, “Oh, I see. So not very good then. Was that an offer, James? I think I’d prefer it the other way around, but I’m flexible.”

He shuddered violently and tried to step back to hide his arousal. Bucky was already wildly aroused and hard, but he had been since the moment he got Zemo alone. They would just have to pretend it was reluctant.

“N-not going to happen,” he muttered and looked away with a blush rising to his cheeks as he got into the scene. 

Zemo’s hand was on him again; this time coming up to stroke his cheek. The feeling of the leather on his skin provoked another shiver. He tried to turn his head away further but Zemo just chased. 

“You seem to have quite a lot of pent-up need, James. I’d be happy to assist with that. Who else is there to turn to? After all this time, I seem to be the only option,” Zemo taunted in a breathy, lustful whisper. It helped to make it sound like Bucky was actually restricting airflow with his hold and that shot more pleasure directly to his cock. Whatever part of him made this a turn on really liked this. 

Bucky was forced to look back at Zemo again, despite the still stroking hand on his cheek, to say, “I don’t need your help with anything. Especially this.”

But Zemo was set to make a liar of him as his hand slowly started to move over to stroke his chin and brush a thumb against his lower lip. “You’re incredibly attractive, James. I’m rather interested in helping you. It would be an honor to enjoy the Winter Soldier in my bed for an evening. I’m a generous lover. I’d make sure you enjoyed yourself.”

He opened his mouth to retort and the thumb on his lip slipped inside his mouth to brush along his tongue. That completely broke Bucky’s ability to keep in character as he moaned loud and flicked his tongue up to taste the leather of the man’s gloves.

Zemo looked determined and triumphant as he continued to rub his thumb on Bucky’s tongue. “Very good, James. Let’s get honest, shall we? Neither of us is uninterested in this proposition.”

Saliva welled up due to his lover’s thumb in his mouth and he was forced to swallow as it threatened to spill. Swallowing forced him to close his lips around Zemo’s thumb and basically suck it for a moment. The feeling caused Zemo’s eyes to darken further and Bucky unconsciously took a step forward until their bodies were touching again. His lover tilted his hips forward and caused their arousals to brush. 

Bucky’s head started to spin legitimately as he grew dizzy. His other half was tangled in his thoughts again as he took a backseat to observe and the pulse of arousal mixed with that feeling left him closer to drunk than he was capable of getting. He grew docile without necessarily meaning to and stood still to let Zemo continue to stroke his tongue. 

His lover didn’t seem to mind the way that Bucky lost himself in the moment as he smoothly continued the scene. “Much better, James. Honesty is always freeing, isn’t it? There’s no shame in enjoying this. We’re both consenting adults after all, right?”

That was clearly a real question as Zemo’s face grew somewhat serious. Bucky was half-out of his mind but he was cognizant enough to nod in agreement. His lover’s face immediately returned to its confident expression once his worries were eased.

The thumb in his mouth grew more insistent in its swipes and Bucky gave up trying to lick it as Zemo controlled even his tongue. It withdrew a second later and Zemo brushed the saliva onto Bucky’s lips as he went back to tracing his mouth.

He wondered if he had a mouth-thing too because this was the second time he was losing it over just sucking on one of Zemo’s fingers.

Zemo stepped forward, breaking Bucky’s now very weak hold on his throat, and put them in very close proximity. Bucky was almost ready to drop the act and go back to normal lovemaking out of haste, but he’d asked for this so he instead stayed silent.

His lover trailed his hand back down his throat to trace his pulse point as he noted, “You seem very excited by this, James. Let’s drop the pretenses. I intend to have you now. Undress for me.”

They had agreed no striking but Zemo’s words might as well have slapped him as he immediately started to rush to comply. He tried for a moment to feign nonchalance, but that wasn’t working so he went ahead and hurried. 

Zemo broke away to walk to the bed and lean back on his palms against it. His lover was still in full uniform; boots and all. It was such a fucking erotic sight. No wonder Zemo went nuts when he’d been in his gear. One day they’d need to do this again with both of them in uniform. Slamming that imagery with the memory of their last roleplay of his ‘activation’ was intensely sexy and he staggered with a moan on the spot. He had to catch himself on the wall to not fall.

“Alright, James? Pleasant thoughts?” Zemo mocked lightly from the bed as he watched like a predator stalking prey. “You appear to be in a hurry. Are you that desperate for me?”

“S-shut up,” he moaned again weakly. Still, he went back to rushing to remove his clothes.

When he was naked, he was suddenly aimless. Did he just… walk over and get on his knees? The bed? He supposed he was still playing himself in this situation so it wasn’t like he had to follow orders.

Zemo supplied one anyway, “Come here, James. You were enjoying using your mouth before. Let’s return to that but with a different piece of me.”

Bucky bit his lip hard as he moved in front of Zemo and dropped down to his knees. He wanted to tell his lover to keep going even though his ability to act was starting to fail. But instead, all he could do was look up at Zemo with desperate eyes and flushed cheeks.

His lover looked down at him hungrily and flicked his tongue out to wet his mouth. Bucky’s cock twitched at the sight. Zemo stood up properly and unzipped his pants and revealed his own arousal bare. Bucky’s brain sang with another hot flash of need at the realization that his lover wasn’t even wearing underwear. Oh yes, this had always been the plan for him.

Bucky looked up at Zemo with lust-drunk eyes and leaned in to place one slow lick to the tip of his lover’s cock. The taste of salt on his tongue from the viscous drop of pre-cum leaking out was heaven and he moaned again as he savored it. Zemo’s cock twitched and another drop welled up for him to lick away. 

Suddenly he knew he wanted something more and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. The scene was perfect for Zemo to make this a little rough and it was a desperately arousing concept to be at his mercy. But he and his other half didn’t like not being able to breathe. This was obviously very different from going into cryostasis and being with Zemo never reminded him of what HYDRA did to him so he wanted to try it. 

He held up a hand to Zemo and said, “P-pause. I need to ask маленький if he’s okay if we renegotiate the terms.” 

Zemo’s eyes widened at first and then blossomed into complete pleasure and pride. Bucky shivered from the praise he saw in his lover’s gaze and beckoned the Soldier forward. He felt his other half untangle a bit from his thoughts to slide better into sync again and asked, “Маленький, are you okay if-- if our breathing is obstructed? I’d like-- I’d like this to get a little rougher.”

He and James both shivered in pleasure at the request and he replied, “I don’t mind, James. This is wonderful. Nothing about being with our handler is frightening.”

“T-thank you,” Bucky said shakily as the other pulled back again and let him resume control. Once he was, he looked up at Zemo desperately and said, “Okay, we can s-start again. Be r-rough please. I’ll stop you if I’m a-afraid. I promise.”

Zemo nodded, though he bit his lip to restrain most of his reaction and let his face resume the mask of casual interest and pleasure. Bucky went back to licking the drops of pre-cum from the tip of his cock and sliding his mouth down the length to chase the taste of the drops that had spilled over. 

When he pulled back, Zemo murmured, “You’re magnificent, James. Truly a work of art in motion. But I wouldn’t have taken you for one to tease. Let’s take this a little further.”

His lover lifted his hips slightly to nudge the head of his cock against Bucky’s lower lip. He reflexively opened his mouth and took it inside. Zemo didn’t waste any time as he slid it slowly, carefully further until it bumped the back of Bucky’s throat. He’d done this enough times in his life not to gag but his mouth was flooded again with saliva. 

He hummed around the cock in his mouth with pleasure and started to bob his head and suck. His hands came up to caress Zemo’s legs as he worked. His own cock was leaking with need onto the hardwood flooring beneath them. 

After a few bobs, Zemo’s hand came up to carefully tangle in his hair and begin gently encouraging an increase in speed. It was more there for the effect than to actually control his pace, but Bucky could fill in the sensation of his hair being tugged in his mind. 

He swallowed around Zemo’s cock and got a sharp intake of breath above him for his effort and a twitch of his lover’s hips. Yes, that’s what he wanted. He moaned at just the slight movement and looked up pleadingly. 

Zemo’s eyes were back to fully black with lust and his mask of calm was beginning to fade. Still, the look of confident desire was still there and that fueled Bucky’s need plenty. His lover seemingly understood his wants because his hips lifted in another shallow thrust. 

Bucky took Zemo’s cock to the hilt in his mouth and rested his forehead on his lover’s stomach, breathing noisily through his nose as his own arousal spiked. Yes, yes, yes.

“Your talent astounds even me, James,” Zemo purred heatedly. “I think we can go a little faster. You seem to be able to handle this.”

He couldn’t nod or respond, but Zemo didn’t need him to as the shallow thrusts picked up speed. Soon, his mouth was getting fucked and all he could taste was the pre-cum dripping from Zemo’s cock on each rough slide. He groaned and let the excess saliva in his mouth drip slightly from his lips as he swallowed the rest. The motion of the swallow was pleasant for his lover as Zemo broke character to moan too. 

Bucky wanted his hair pulled a little so he reached up a hand to tap Zemo’s hand. His lover immediately withdrew it in misunderstanding but he grabbed it and put it back. He mimed pulling even as he continued to take the cock in his mouth. After a second, his lover understood and grabbed more tightly to pull. 

The noise he made was desperate and he was half worried he might finish just from the idea of what was going on. There was something really intense about replacing fears with good memories of Zemo. He was still in control and he was still safe and that was heavenly. 

He reached up and made the motion again and Zemo pulled harder. Bucky groaned again in thankful pleasure and went back to focusing on sucking Zemo off. 

He was already so dazed and desperate that he was completely willing to let this end just like this. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind he could finish from getting his mouth fucked like this. It wouldn’t be quite as intense as actually being fucked, but it would be just as good from the mental image.

Zemo was watching him with heavy-lidded eyes, a focused expression, and his lips were parted to allow for breathy panting. In that fucking jacket, with those fucking knives still so close to his face, and the gloves in his hair… What a picture his lover was currently. 

After a while, the expression of focus bled into something akin to mild panic and Bucky actually had to smirk around the cock in his mouth. The flow of pre-cum was coming faster, coating his tongue in salt, and Zemo’s cock was twitching hard. He was about to finish and he knew it. 

He pressed forward and let his smugness show on his face as he took the cock deeper still. He moaned loudly and reached down to stroke himself in time with Zemo’s thrusts. 

His lover understood, though there was briefly a question in his gaze. Bucky answered it with another swallow and hard suck. Finally, his lover broke character entirely and threw his head back to groan his name, “ James .”

It was funny how suddenly he felt victorious. The scenario had been Zemo in control but Bucky was the one holding the power now. His lover was entirely at his mercy and Bucky was feeling very merciful indeed. 

He flooded his mouth with more saliva and sucked hard as he helped bob his head in time with the thrusts. His lover never got more than halfway out of his mouth before Bucky chased him down and swallowed him whole again.

The grip in his hair turned very harsh and he moaned as his cock spasmed with his strokes. He committed to growing it back out that moment. He wanted to feel Zemo pull on it while it was long.

“T-this is going to end v-very soon, James,” Zemo panted with his head thrown back. “I w-will leave it up to you on w-where that happens.”

Bucky knew exactly where: right where the cock in his mouth already was. He wanted to taste his lover so badly. So, he didn’t make any motions to pull away as he redoubled his efforts.

Zemo was gasping out rapid-fire praise that reached the Soldier and caused shivers of pleasure to magnify his own need. “You’re s-so good. So very talented. G-gorgeous beyond reason. I l-love you. S-so perfect.”

That was exactly what he needed as his hand sped up on his own cock and he closed his eyes briefly against the rush of pleasure. Much safer in the moment than a reward protocol and just as effective. He was glad that Zemo understood that this time.

His lover fell apart with one more thrust and came hard. Zemo instinctively started to pull away but Bucky quickly grabbed his hips with one hand and held him still as he stroked his own cock furiously. His mouth was flooded with cum and he happily swallowed it down with a wild moan. 

He came into his hand at the same time and shuddered from pleasure as he continued to suck and whimper around Zemo’s orgasm.

Another moment more and Zemo hissed desperately as he pulled his cock free of Bucky’s lips and fell completely back against the bed. Gear and all. 

Bucky stood and flopped down beside him to rest his head on the fur of Zemo’s jacket. 

“F-fantastic, James,” Zemo muttered, completely spent. “You’re incredible. Your growing c-confidence is beautiful to see.”

He was glowing from the praise and the post-orgasmic high as he trailed his fingers down to trace the knives on Zemo’s belt. Even as satisfied as he was, he was already thinking about round two. He moved his mouth up to bite at Zemo’s earlobe again as he breathed, “Thank you for indulging me. That was fun.”

His voice was raw from the use of his mouth and throat and Zemo reacted with a half-pained moan. As he recovered, he gasped, “You’re quite welcome, James.”

Bucky sat up and leaned over his lover with a mischievous grin as he grabbed at Zemo’s lapels gently. “Let’s get you out of this so I can resist jumping you again for an hour or two to let you recover.”

Zemo quirked up an eyebrow at him as he panted, “I don’t think I’ll need a full hour, but I appreciate your concern. I would like to be naked for the remainder of the evening anyway.”

He slid his hands slowly up Zemo’s torso and purred, “I think it's your turn next time to try something. The roleplaying really works for me.”

“I’ll t-think of something,” Zemo agreed with a nod as he sat up and started peeling off his gear. “I’m generally more concerned with fulfilling your needs, but I’d be curious to try several things… We’ll need to negotiate if some of them interfere with things you’re nervous to try yourself. I would not be opposed to being restrained and perhaps blindfolded.”

Bucky imagined that situation immediately dropped his head into his hands with a full-throated moan. Okay so he wanted to try that, but he wasn’t willing to waste an opportunity like that on a ‘round two'. 

Zemo was smirking at him again when he removed his hands and asked, “Not opposed I take it?”

“Not at all,” he agreed heatedly. “But that’s for another day when we’ve got hours to waste. I’d want that to go… very slowly. Keep you at my mercy for a long time.”

His lover bit his own lip and nodded with tightly closed eyes. “I’m in agreement with that.”

He beckoned out the Soldier and felt them slide into sync as they helped Zemo strip off the rest of his gear. They’d get some post-coital love and then he could hand the reins over to his other half to enjoy the bulk of the second round. It was their last night at home for a while so they had every right to draw out the night as long as Zemo could keep up. 

Chapter Text

The next day they got all their gear together and prepared to leave for Madripoor, which turned into a much more bittersweet experience than expected because they had to leave Olivia behind. As much as her presence was an enjoyment to be around, she wasn’t suited for combat so staying at home was a better choice for her. It’d be one less worry while in the field. 

The woman was clearly used to goodbyes as she and John weren’t getting emotional. Though, they were clinging to each other all morning up until the point of their departure. Bucky could sympathize somewhat from the feeling he had knowing Zemo needed to leave back in Riga. That ominous ‘will I ever see you again’ hung around even for someone seasoned in leaving for missions. 

They were taking the quinjet, which would be faster but less comfortable of a flight than Zemo’s plane. But it offered them the best chance of a quick escape if they needed it so it was worth the slightly less luxurious travel. 

Zemo had once again sent Oeznik out to get them additional supplies which included clothing, medical supplies, and weaponry. Bucky had begun to wonder how the old man was finding everything, but, assuming he’d been in Zemo’s service during his EKO Scorpion days, maybe it wasn’t totally surprising. His lover seemed to be very good at thinking ahead and finding what he needed at any given moment.

They were loading the last of their stuff into the quinjet while John said goodbye to his wife. 

“I’ll call you as soon as we’re safe, baby,” John murmured to her as he kissed her forehead. “I promise we’ll be safe. We’ll get in, get it done, and get out.”

“Keep everyone safe, John,” she whispered back and hugged him tightly. “I want you all to come home safe, okay? Bucky will keep you from doing anything dumb.”

John snorted in laughter and Bucky smirked as he confirmed, “I promise, Olivia. He’ll be in one piece by the time we’re done.”

“I’ll be waiting for you all here,” Olivia said with a smile and only a slightly sad tone. “I promise not to burn down the house while you’re away.”

Zemo stepped up beside her and handed her a credit card. “Please use this at will if anything happens. Oeznik is at your service while I am away and will get you anything you’d like.”

Olivia stared down at the card and looked awed. “Zemo, I’ll be fine. The house has everything I need. As long as there's food, I’ll be fine.”

“On the off chance you needed to leave for some reason, it would make me feel better for you to have means of taking care of yourself,” Zemo explained as he reached up to put a hand on her back. “I fear for your safety more than you need to fear for my financials, Olivia.”

She nodded and swiftly turned to hug Zemo too. Bucky grinned at the almost bashful expression on his lover’s face as he returned the hug. 

As they parted, he stepped up next and hugged the woman too. She squeezed him tightly and said, “Thank you for looking out for John.” The Soldier forced their hold to tighten just minutely while still being careful about hurting her with their strength.

“It’s nothing,” he said softly with a shake of his head as he pulled away. 

Ava took his place next and hugged Olivia as well. The two women were getting very close and Bucky didn’t miss the way Olivia slightly rocked Ava as she hugged her tight. 

He left them to their moment and boarded the quinjet to do pre-flight checks. They went smoothly and as the rest of his team boarded, it was time to go. He checked to make sure Olivia was clear and closed up the door. 

Everyone took a seat and strapped in for take-off as Bucky started the engines. Within a moment, they were in the air and a few minutes later they were at cruising altitude where he could enable the autopilot. 

Bucky relaxed after they were on their way and turned to make eyes at his lover instead who was still looking a little fatigued and very satisfied from their late-night escapades. They’d worn each other out and maybe slept less than they should have, but they could sleep now.

They all ended up napping for the majority of the trip until the quinjet began to alert them it was time to arrive. 

He took control again and guided them in for a landing at the airport as Zemo set about arranging them transport to their Hightown base of operations. 

As they touched down, they all unstrapped and grabbed their bags. Each of them had their gear in an individual bag but they were dressed nondescript until they arrived at their first location. Bucky and John also each had a false suitcase that contained assorted weapons. 

They didn’t have to go through any terminals here as the car was waiting for them on the tarmac. Madripoor had a high degree of privacy and anonymity for its residents and visitors at the sacrifice of individual safety. It wasn’t so much if people had weapons here, but how many. 

The car drove them over the same bridge they’d walked along upon arriving in Madripoor the first time and John was somewhat awed. 

“It’s a nice looking city,” John said as he peered at the tall buildings and beautiful waters of the harbor. “I guess I expected something else.”

“Lowtown is much less glamorous, but still a sight on its own,” Zemo explained as he pointed to the area of town where they’d visited Selby’s bar. 

Ava hummed and said, “They make good drinks there though.” This was not her first time in Madripoor, though she’d admitted her visits were infrequent and only during her time with S.H.I.E.L.D. for work purposes.

“Sam would disagree,” he laughed as he remembered the drink that he'd been served in Selby’s bar. 

Their base of operations was about as fancy as was standard for Zemo at this point. It was a private penthouse with street access to a private elevator that took them up. That meant they’d have an easy way in and out and they’d be relatively kept away from normal city residents. 

“You wanna adopt me Zemo?” John muttered as they went up to the penthouse. “At this point, I could use a sugar daddy.”

“Your wife has my full permission to rob me blind,” Zemo answered with a smirk. “My wealth is tied up in many secure investments that keep my means quite stable.”

John laughed and said, “Gonna text her and tell her to start siphoning it off to a Swiss bank account then.”

The penthouse was spacious but somehow cold with its modern and chic decor. Bucky thought it was beautiful but it made him long for their home. Either the one in the mountains or the one they’d just left. All the more reason to make this mission fast. 

Still, it was plenty big enough and had bedrooms on the off chance they were stuck there for a while. Zemo claimed them the master and headed off to deposit their gear while John snuck off to call Olivia and Ava started touching everything in the room. She liked to test materials and it made Bucky smile to see. 

“This is pretty incredible,” he mused as he followed Zemo into their claimed room. “Reminds me a little bit of Sharon’s. Guess they have a style here.”

“Mm, yes,” Zemo agreed as he cast a look around. “It’s not really my preferred style exactly, but it works for our purposes. We should be safe here in between excursions. Though I’m never quite sure of the loyalty the people of Madripoor pay to the Power Broker on an individual basis vs money. I can, for the most part, outbid him in most cases but I can’t buy their loyalty.”

Bucky leaned against a wall and crossed his arms as he considered it. “The people here aren’t really the ‘loyal’ sort. I’d say it’s monetary.”

“We shall hope,” Zemo said with a nod. “My contact goes by the name O’Donnell and we’ll be meeting him in Lowtown at a place called the Princess Bar. He is the owner or co-owner. I can’t quite remember which, but I know he’s got at least partial control.”

“Oh,” Bucky blurted out as he recognized the name. “I’ve been there. When I was with HYDRA, I was sent to Madripoor on several occasions to either escort a HYDRA affiliate or bodyguard for some high rollers. My last mission to Madripoor was actually to escort a US Colonel to that bar to look for someone. HYDRA under the guise of S.H.I.E.L.D. was interested in funding some of his work. I successfully escorted him, but we didn’t find who he was after.”

“All the more reason that the populace should be kept under the impression that I have returned you to being the Winter Soldier by activating you,” Zemo mused. “They will be sufficiently intimidated by your presence if they believe you are one word from me away from executing them.”

Bucky grimaced before saying the next words cautiously, “You can order me you know. It’s not like it was when Sam was here. I know what we’re here to do. I trust you not to point me at anyone who doesn’t deserve it, but, if you tell me to kill, I’m probably just going to follow orders. Especially if маленький is in sync with me.” 

Zemo nodded tentatively and promised, “I will be careful not to abuse this trust, James.”

He approached his lover and gave him a soft kiss as he murmured, “I know, which is why I trust you. I can do what I do best and not have to worry I’m being used for evil.”

His lover reached up and caressed his face. “I can’t wait to see you in your element. You’re already so alluring in your gear that the idea of seeing you dismantle your enemies just fills me with heat.”

Bucky dipped down for another kiss but this one was far more lustful than gentle. They were still spent from the night before, so there wouldn’t be any fooling around, but he still liked getting a brief taste of Zemo. 

“You think this will be easy?” he muttered in between kisses. “Whoever the Power Broker is, he’s already proved to be a pain in the ass. The last thing we need is for him to get ahead of us again and get you shipped back to the Raft or somewhere worse.”

The noise Zemo made didn’t necessarily fill him with hope as his lover sighed heavily. “No, I don’t think it will. Something about this man has been irking me ever since Selby’s bar. I am missing something and I cannot put my finger on it.”

Bucky had to agree. The fact that the Power Broker always seemed to get ahead of them was interesting considering Zemo was one of the best planners he’d ever met. It was like the Power Broker had a way of anticipating what they would do. And yet, that couldn’t be true because they had made it all the way to destroy Nagel without any more than the bounty hunters catching up with them.

Then there was the matter of the fact that the Power Broker had known that Zemo was in New York during the fight with the Flag-Smashers. It wasn’t a hard conclusion to draw, but then he’d also been able to provide the police with a tip without even being there. 

It finally occurred to him what he was missing. 

“The Flag-Smasher’s had outside help from the Power Broker in New York,” Bucky hissed suddenly as he pulled away from Zemo. “Their tech, Batroc being there, the tip to the police… The whole deal was set up and funded by the Power Broker.”

Zemo looked calculating as he wondered, “But if that’s true then why would the Power Broker fund the one who stole his serum?”

“Because we killed the source,” he spat in directionless rage. “The whole deal was at least partly done to catch you. The Power Broker wasn’t afraid to have Selby killed to protect the serum and when I killed Nagel and you destroyed the remaining vials, he got desperate or angry.”

“It makes sense,” Zemo agreed slowly. “But if the serum could be reverse engineered once, it could--”

His lover stopped short and his face went blank as he finished, “It could be reverse-engineered again. The plan was two-fold: the Power Broke got to have me captured and the deaths of Karli and her followers were almost guaranteed. Their bodies would be up for grabs and if the Power Broker could get his hands on just one… then the serum would be remade.”

Bucky scrambled to pull out his phone and dial Sam.

“H-hello? Buck? Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Sam,” he said sternly. “What happened to Karli Morgenthau’s body?”

The other man on the end of the line sputtered in confusion, “What? What the hell kind of question is that? It’s fucking 4 AM, Buck!”

Bucky hissed into the phone, “I don’t care what time it is, Sam. What happened to Karli’s body? It’s fucking important .”

“Buried! We buried her. Sharon and I attended the service. She’s in an unmarked plot in New York. Now, why?” 

He slapped a hand to his forehead and groaned in misery. Zemo looked on with cold fury written on his face as Bucky said, “Tomorrow, have someone exhume her. I guarantee her body will be gone. Start researching everyone who knew where she was being buried. The Power Broker set her up to fail so he could get his serum back.”

Sam made a frustrated noise of confusion. “Serum back? Zemo destroyed the serum!”

“Not the serum running through her veins, Sam,” Zemo said quietly into the phone as Bucky held it slightly closer. “Nagel was able to reverse engineer the serum from samples taken from another super-soldier, right? Do you truly think that man we killed was the only one of his kind? There are a thousand others out there who would clamor for the chance to take on such a project.”

“... Fuck."

“Exactly, Sam,” Bucky said sharply. “We need to know who if she’s still there and if she isn’t, then who took her. The two I killed should be checked too. The ones-- The others should have been destroyed by the car bomb.”

Sam hissed back, “Right, the one neither you nor Zemo had anything to do with.”

“I take full responsibility for the bomb, Sam,” Zemo half-sneered into the phone. His lover’s patience was thinning by the moment. “We are once again faced with the prospect of unchecked super-soldiers coming into being. I am now more concerned with that than your naivete regarding proper disposal methods.”

“Listen here you motherfuc--”

 Bucky cut in and snapped, “Just do as I asked, Sam. This concerns you too. We may not share the same methods, but we’re giving you the head start. Find out what happened to their bodies. Call me back when you have more info.”

He hung up and wished these new phones allowed for something as satisfying as slamming down a receiver. 

Bucky ran a hand through his hair in pure frustration and growled, “Well what now? If the bodies were taken shortly after burial, then we’re already days behind.” The Soldier, who had been napping happily since the plane ride, was now stirring in response to his growing anger. He tried to calm himself down so that he didn’t frighten the other too much.

“We continue on our course,” Zemo said gravely as he moved to rest a comforting hand on Bucky’s chest. “We’ll search for the Power Broker here until Sam has some additional info.”

“Fucking fantastic,” he groaned as he walked over to toss himself down onto the bed. “We’re already two steps behind and we just started. I swear to God when I get my hands on this guy, I’m going to tear his head off. Literally.”

“Time and careful planning will make us the victors, in the end, James,” Zemo comforted as he sat down beside him and reached out to stroke his hair. “We will find our target and dispose of him. People like us always complete our missions.”

Bucky grabbed his lover’s hand and kissed his palm. “Then let’s go find your contact and get started. I’d like our next move to be a surprise for him this time.”

Zemo smirked down at him and nodded. “Let’s inform John and Ava and gear up. We have a long night ahead of us.”

Chapter Text

The unexpected part of gearing up was, once they were both in uniform, all they wanted to do was get in bed. Between Zemo’s attraction to him in uniform and his attraction to Zemo in uniform, they were locked in a series of several desperate kisses while trying to stave off the desire to just get naked again.

“We will have to put a pin in this, James,” Zemo breathed as they broke apart. “We’ve got a job to do.”

Bucky bit his lip and nodded as he pulled away. It was a hard thing to do, but Zemo was right. 

John and Ava were waiting in the center room; both already in uniform themselves. The other man looked up when they entered and smirked as he said, “Oh I thought we were going to have to wait for you to go at least one round before leaving. Guess I lost the bet, Ava.”

“Or perhaps they were very fast,” Ava suggested slyly. “They do look rather flustered, don’t you think?”

“We’re definitely not that fast,” Bucky argued as he took a seat in a nearby chair and turned his waiting mask over in his hands. The Soldier was eagerly waiting for the mask to go on but, given their reduced speech while wearing it, he kept it off for now. “We’ve got some disturbing news though. We think that the Power Broker was funding the Flag-Smashers in New York and potentially has Karli’s body to reproduce the serum.”

John let out an angry noise. “Fuck that. That explains how they had things like smoke grenade rounds. Zemo destroyed the stuff and I took the rest so he wanted to make sure he got his product back.”

“It will take them time to recreate the serum without Nagel,” Zemo speculated with a sigh. “But if we’re slow, then there will be a potential for us to take down the Power Broker and still lose the serum. We need to cut the whole thing out root and stem to else, when we topple the Power Broker, someone else will fill the void.”

“Then let’s go,” John agreed with a tight frown. “Where are we headed?”

“Lowtown to meet my contact. A car will be waiting for us below. Let’s make haste,” Zemo said with a sweep of his arm back towards the elevator. 

Bucky lifted one of their weapons cases up and quickly put all his sidearms into their appropriate locations. He grabbed his M4A1 and lifted it up to his shoulder. The last time they were in Madripoor, all he had was his arm and a pistol. This time, he felt more in his own skin. 

The mask went on next and he felt the Soldier slide fully into sync with him in a way that was rare outside of sex and fighting. His jaw wasn’t clenched but he could feel the Soldier’s desire to avoid talking seeping even into him. 

“If anyone knew a guy who looked like you do, loves being cuddled at every given opportunity, it’d probably blow their minds,” John said with a snicker as he holstered his own weapon. “But now we’re all pretty intimidating. I wouldn’t fuck with us.”

He tilted his head at his friend and said with his eyes, “I agree.”

John reached out and ruffled his hair before smoothing it back into position. “Hey, buddy. Keep Bucky safe, okay?”

He blinked and nodded a little as his gaze said, “Of course .”

His handler came up to him and ran his hands over his torso with a lustful look in his eyes as he purred, “Run a reward protocol for me, дорогой.”

The burst of pleasure made him shiver happily and spiked the edge of his arousal at seeing his very beautiful handler in his own gear, but he managed to control his reactions. Most of the time now, he was able to sustain his contentment over a few hours at a muted level from a single reward protocol. It was if his brain was no longer absorbing every drop of happiness like a sponge in minutes. 

“So perfect,” his handler breathed tenderly. “You’re so very beautiful like this, дорогой.”

Bucky couldn’t stay silent as he hissed through the pleasure rolling over him, “Does the mask do it for you too?”

“It completes the picture,” Zemo said seductively as he trailed his hands back down his torso. “The weapons, the uniform, and the mask all make you everything one would expect the Winter Soldier to be.”

“Thank you, sir,” he thought as he looked at his handler lovingly. His handler understood as he leaned in to stroke his cheek and pull him down to kiss his forehead. 

They broke apart and headed for the elevator to ride it down to the street level. It let them out in a secluded private entrance where the car was waiting so their exit was further obscured. 

The driver was the same as before and made no attempts to engage them in conversation and did very little looking at them as they entered the car in their full gear. The windows of the car were tinted near black so no one could see them from passing vehicles. 

The drive to Lowtown was much the same as their first and ended with them on foot at the same place they had been when going to Selby’s bar. Ava made herself invisible and followed along after them as they made their way.

Suddenly, Bucky was struck with nostalgia. He was coming full circle. His other half hadn’t been born here, but he’d been resurrected here. It made his heart swell with fondness out of the blue. He owed those idiots in the bar quite a bit because if they hadn’t tried their luck, then Zemo would have never accidentally triggered his praise automatic rewards and woken up the Soldier. Or maybe it would have happened later but, without the Russian, he wasn’t sure it would have. 

He brushed the tips of his free hand against his own palm to reach out affectionately to his other half. After a second, his hand repeated the gesture as the Soldier responded in kind.

As they walked the streets, eyes were all over them. The bounty was still on their heads but whatever the price had been it was clearly too low to fuck with them now. After he and John had broken out Zemo from the Raft, they had probably cemented their status as dangerous. The assault rifle resting on his shoulder only helped to reinforce that. 

Still, people were now looking at their phones and texting furiously. Probably getting the information about their arrival circulating. The Power Broker would know they were there long before they found him.

The Princess Bar wasn’t too far from where they had been dropped off and the front was illuminated by a pink sign with the name on it. Paper lanterns hung outside and cast a pink glow all over the front of the building. 

A crowd hung around out front and pinned them with stares as Zemo waded through the crowd and into the building. He stared right back and forced them to break their gaze. 

Inside was, admittedly, beautiful as more pink lanterns hung from the ceiling and a small fake waterfall that flowed down over a slate staircase added the ambiance of water to the low pulsing music. It was a much more sophisticated experience than Selby’s bar and there were clearly Hightown residents there mingling with the usual Lowtown criminals. It was a slightly more modernized version of the same bar Bucky remembered. 

Just like in Selby’s bar, all the attention in the room belonged to them as Zemo walked slowly right up to the bar. Except unlike last time, the three of them that everyone could see looked ready for business and they had no idea Ava was even there. She could phase right through people as she walked, so effectively they would always be up one surprise. 

The bartender met Zemo’s eyes as they approached and greeted smoothly, “Baron. The boss is waiting to meet with you shortly. Congratulations on your second escape.”

“Thank you,” Zemo answered with a sharp smile. “I’ll take a drink while we wait. My usual.”

The man nodded and pulled up a small book that he flipped to nearly the end to read. Just a glance and the man put the book away to prepare a drink for Zemo. It was probably a book of orders for all respected clients.

He looked around to survey the room. There were plenty of Hightown residents in luxurious attire trying to look at them only sparingly while the Lowtown residents stared openly. A group of men in leather jackets huddled around whispering to each other furiously as they typed into their phones. Two men at a booth were ignoring them entirely as they drank their drinks in silence though Bucky could tell neither of them was unaware of their presence. Several women were making enticing eyes at the three of them in an attempt to draw their attention. But no one in the room read as an immediate threat. 

Zemo was offered his drink and he sipped it casually as he turned to look around the room as well. John was uncharacteristically quiet as he leaned against the bar. The Soldier had them standing with their back to the bar and rifle ready in hand. Only the bartender would be behind them in the event of a fight. 

“Baron!” a welcoming voice called from behind him. He turned his head slightly to observe a blond, American-sounding man in a white suit come out to greet them. “I heard you were recently in Madripoor and you didn’t stop by for a visit.”

“O’Donnell,” Zemo greeted with a warmer smile than the one he gave the bartender. “Apologies, my last trip to Madripoor had to be… cut short.”

The man beckoned them back behind the bar and into a backroom. Zemo went first and he and John followed. Ava was, hopefully, following too, but Bucky had no idea where she was exactly. 

As they entered the back room, the man smirked and said, “I heard you ran afoul with the Power Broker. Quite the risky thing to do. Though, from the looks of it, you’re well protected now. The hit on you won’t pay the bill to get someone to cross the Winter Soldier when he’s back in form and-- Ah, I don’t know what to call you, Mr. Walker. Not Captain America anymore, I take it?”

John looked surprised to be addressed directly, but he said gruffly, “US Agent. Trying something new.”

The blond man smiled disarmingly and answered, “A pleasure to meet you then, US Agent. I’ve heard you’re what’s left of the Power Broker’s serum.”

John’s frown twitched deeper. “Right.”

“Regarding the Power Broker,” Zemo interjected silkily as he sat down on a waiting couch. “I feel he and I have perhaps gotten off on the wrong foot. We were able to happily coexist prior to my imprisonment. I’d like to arrange a discussion with him. Could you--”

“Don’t bullshit me, Baron,” the man warned still in his welcoming tone. “I know why you’re here. Everyone knows why you’re here. The only reason you’re not fighting off half the city is that everyone is curious if you can pull it off. The Power Broker can pay well, but can’t restore life. With two super-soldiers at your back and your own surprising knack for coming out ahead… well, I wouldn’t necessarily bet against you.”

Zemo leaned in closely and dropped his smile to continue to listen closely.

“But at the same time, you’re not from here. You don’t live in Madripoor. Killing the Power Broker won’t be easy and, if you succeed, the power vacuum here will be bloody. Unless, of course, you already have a horse to back in this race,” O’Donnell explained as he took a seat across from Zemo. “My partner and I have just the right person in mind to take the Power Broker’s place. A woman by the name of Jessán, though you may know her as ‘the Tiger’.”

“I’m not familiar,” Zemo said with no inflection. “Why should I support the rise of a new crimelord to take the Power Broker’s place?”

O’Donnell leaned in closer. “Because I’ve never known you to be an idiot, Baron. She’s different. Much more like… you and I. Or, rather, you and my partner. I don’t believe I’ve ever introduced you, but he’s been following your actions in Madripoor with some interest. He also has no love for the Power Broker’s plans with the serum. Experimentation on people leaves a bad taste in his mouth, you see?”

The man shot him a smirk and said, “I believe the Winter Soldier once came looking for him. I don’t know how you feel, Soldier, about what HYDRA did to you, but he’s a kindred spirit of sorts.”

Neither he nor James replied verbally. He just stared blankly back at the man. 

“Still not much of a talker, huh?” the man remarked with a short laugh. “I hope Mr. Stryker wasn’t too frustrated after coming up short.”

John was officially getting frustrated as he snapped, “Are you going to give us some actual info or what?”

Zemo held up a hand to calm him as O’Donnell just smiled back calmly and lit a cigarette. “Please relax, John. This is already quite productive. Perhaps we could meet this partner?”

O’Donnell shook his head regretfully and made a noise of refusal. “Afraid not. Patch is a bit more of a silent partner. Kill the Power Broker and perhaps we can change that. I won’t be introducing you to Jessán either until that happens. Just know that she’s a big fan, Baron. We would like to be helpful, however.”

The man looked briefly at the door as if to confirm that it was still shut and leaned even closer to his handler with a drag off his cigarette. He had to resist the urge to grab him and pull him away from his handler. The man exhaled the smoke as he spoke, “The Power Broker is missing .”

John cursed under his breath and he and his handler narrowed their eyes. He could feel Ava near him now as she phased through him, still invisible. She was moving closer to the man but didn’t reveal herself. 

“Explain, please,” his handler requested with his lip curling up in suppressed frustration. 

The man leaned back against the couch and made a gesture with his hand holding the cigarette that swirled the smoke about the room. “I’d call it speculation, but I’ve seen the results myself. The communications come in as regular, but there’s an abstraction. Normally, the Power Broker felt somewhat… omniscient. Now things are escaping notice. Which means that the Power Broker is not in Madripoor.”

“It was rather conveniently timed, don’t you think?” O’Donnell asked with a twitch to his smirk. “The Flag-Smashers steal the serum, you reappear, and then the Power Broker leaves Madripoor for the first time since-- Oh, you probably don’t know…”

Zemo actively looked annoyed now as his eyebrow raised in question. “Enlighten me.”

O'Donnell’s smile grew dangerous as he explained in a hushed tone, ”The Power Broker we have today is not the one you remember, Baron. This is the second Power Broker. This one killed the last.”

Bucky’s eyes widened at hearing what the man said. 

What the fuck did that mean? The Power Broker hadn’t existed when Bucky was still operating as the Winter Soldier under HYDRA, but it’d been decades since he’d been here. That was plenty of time for a crimelord to rise to power and entrench himself. If this wasn’t the same man Zemo was expecting, they were once again behind on info. Zemo was a known entity to their enemies but the Power Broker kept growing more nebulous to them. 

His lover sat up straight. “You didn’t mention that until now ?”

“I wanted to see how much you knew,” O’Donnell said with a shrug. “As I said, Baron, you don’t live in Madripoor. The inner workings of our city are still mysterious to you. You should always assume someone is untrustworthy.”

“And you?” Zemo growled. “Are you untrustworthy, O’Donnell? I thought we were friends.”

O’Donnell finally dropped the smile and snapped back, ”I don’t have friends, Baron. I have allies. Until I have confirmation you are a reasonable ally, I have no reason to give you everything you’re seeking. So tell me, Baron, are you going to support Jessán, or not?”

“What is her angle?” his lover said through clenched teeth. “I want to know I’m not supporting a monster.”

“She’s a good woman,” O’Donnell said confidently. “Our goal is to pull this shitshow of an island out of hell. She’s worth backing, trust me.” The man ended with another smirk as he savored his own irony. 

Zemo grit his teeth and hissed, “Fine. But if I find you have me supporting the next in a long line of overlords, I will not be pleased. Now tell me what you know about this second Power Broker.”

“Well, that’s just it,” O’Donnell answered with a slight grimace. “Whoever the Power Broker is now is good at staying hidden. All we know is either there are eyes everywhere or the Power Broker can blend in without any trouble. My money is on a little bit of both. There’s also the massive influx of cash that was there before the serum came around. If you ask me? We’re not dealing with a Lowtown local. This Power Broker is someone from the outside. Probably based in Hightown.”

“But not anymore,” John cut in to establish their understanding. “Now they’re somewhere else?”

O’Donnell nodded. “Right. Given that mess in New York, I’d say in the States. Probably got fed up with trying to get the serum back the normal way. From what I heard about Nagel--” 

The man paused to look at him and smirk as he added, “Good job, by the way.” Bucky just narrowed his eyes in response.

The man continued after another drag off his cigarette, “Nagel was able to recreate the serum from super-soldier blood. There are a hundred more Nagels out there waiting for the right price. The girl’s blood is as good as any vial they could recover.”

“Where would you suggest we look?” Zemo asked outright. “There’s more info to be had in Madripoor, I’m sure.”

O’Donnell looked contemplative for a moment before he offered, “I’d suggest Carter, but last I heard she’d fled town after helping you destroy the Flag-Smashers. She’s very well connected here in Madripoor. If not her, then--” The man cut off with another dangerous smile. “I’d suggest a man by the name of Roche. In fact, I’d be happy to continue sourcing you additional info if you kill this man.”

John sneered, “Sounds like you’re trying to hire us as mercenaries.”

“Oh yes, I am,” O’Donnell agreed with a laugh. “You kill Roche, pull whatever info you need from him before you do, and I will pull some strings to get you the rest of what you can’t find.”

Zemo leaned in close as he extended his hand, “I’ll agree to those terms, O’Donnell. But if I find you’re pulling my strings, you’re a dead man. You understand this?”

“Naturally,” O’Donnell purred as he shook Zemo’s hand without hesitation. “I don’t cross my allies, Baron. I think we’ll find this exchange to be mutually beneficial.”

Ava finally revealed herself as she grabbed O’Donnell’s hair and yanked his head back as her other hand wrapped around his throat. The man’s eyes went wide and he looked at her in surprise as he choked out a noise of alarm. She smiled down at him and loosened her hold as she murmured, “I don’t recommend underestimating the Baron, Mr. O’Donnell. It tends to be his best asset.”

O’Donnell nodded as much as her hold would allow and Ava released him and returned to being invisible. The man reached a hand up to rub at his throat absently.

“Well, like I said,” O’Donnell said with a cough. “I wouldn’t bet against you.”

Chapter Text

With their new mission to track down Roche, they left the Princess Bar. As they walked out, even the Hightown residents who had avoided staring were looking over. All of them seemed more interested in them now that they had met with O’Donnell and left without violence. Only the two men ignoring them were left not gawking.

Bucky swept his eyes over the group slowly and meaningfully and they all immediately turned back away. 

O’Donnell had pointed them to an address in Hightown on the outskirts, near the mountains. They were able to get their driver to pick them up and take them there without issue, though he was somewhat surprised because as much as people were staring they still weren’t trying anything. It was only a matter of time before the Power Broker raised the price, but with two super-soldiers protecting Zemo one had to wonder how high that price would have to go.

The ride took them outside of the main parts of the city and onto a winding mountain road and forest. This man, Roche, had positioned himself far out of the bustle of Madripoor. More than likely they should expect wherever they ended up to be well guarded. 

“We are approaching, sir,” the driver murmured after some time. “It would be prudent for me to drop you off before being seen.”

“Understandable, thank you,” Zemo responded politely as he pulled out his phone and paid the driver. “We will walk from here.”

They got out and Bucky could already hear the sound of a nearby river obscuring his hearing. That would mean they were still obscured themselves, but it also meant he would have a hard time hearing threats if they approached from the forest around them.

The driver left again to wait for their call as Zemo looked around and said softly, “I think we best approach from off the main road. Ava, could you be our forward advance?”

She nodded and went invisible as they all activated comms. The ground was muddy and he could see her footsteps as they appeared before him. 

He tapped his comms to whisper, “Be mindful of the mud, Ava. You’re leaving footprints and you’ll probably track dirt.”

She didn’t respond beyond tapping her comms to activate them and then stopping again. 

He, Zemo, and John navigated into the forest and inwards a little until they could barely see the road as they followed parallel to it. They didn’t need to go far until they came upon a large mansion at the top of the hill. 

There were already two guards posted outside which meant there would be plenty inside. They took a position far back enough to let the river conceal their speech as he tapped his comms again and radioed Ava, “Get us an accurate count of guards. Short tap for each one. Long tap when you’ve got eyes on Roche. Two quick taps for yes, three for no.”

Two quick taps came through to signify Ava understood. 

They waited until the taps started: one, two, three, four, five, six, and then a pause. Another four and a pause. Then one long tap. 

No more taps came after some time so Bucky quietly confirmed. “Ten and Roche.” Two quick taps for yes.

John whispered, “Five for me, five for you. Or four for each of us, one for Ava, and one for Zemo.”

Bucky shook his head and hit his comms as he relayed, “Ava gets Roche. Once we’re underway, try to get him alone and grab him. Kill anyone who tries to stop you. We need him alive.” Two more quick taps.

He took a breath, lifted his weapon, and warned, “I’m moving in. I’ll take the first two. John, you get their attention after that. I work best when I’m catching them off guard.”

John nodded and said quietly, “You got it, Buck. Show us what you’re made of.”

Bucky gave up trying to keep the main thread of control as he let his other half take over from there. 

Blinking away the disorientation of taking control, he crept forward with slow, tentative steps. He made sure to avoid obvious debris on the forest floor that would make noise above what the river would conceal. He moved closer to the mansion but didn’t charge the two. Instead, he followed along the length of the building until he was halfway around back. 

Once there, he scaled a flowered trellis to grab the ledge of the roof and quietly pull himself up. His boots made a soft thump as he made contact with the roof, but it wasn’t anything that should carry indoors. He made his body low as he moved along the roof until he was above the two guards.

Below, one was speaking to the other in French, “Je parie qu'il va pleuvoir. C'est humide.”

The other man made a noise of discontent and spat on the ground. “Tu as raison.”

He withdrew a knife and jumped down beside the two. Before the first could scream, he grabbed him by the throat and slashed the blade of the knife over the other’s throat. All that came out was a gurgling sound as blood rushed out of the gaping wound left behind. He caught the body before it fell and lowered it to the ground carefully. The other was struggling in his grip so he tightened his hand until the man’s windpipe was crushed like crumpling paper. He set him down as well and motioned to his handler and John to approach.

His handler looked very pleased as he approached and he whispered, “Very good, маленький.”

Pleasure rushed down his spine, but he focused on the task at hand. He held up another hand to stop his companions as he pressed his ear to the door. He could hear more talking but nowhere near the entrance, so he opened it slowly. It led to a foyer that was empty of any additional guards. 

He moved in silently and kept his knife out and ready. His handler and John followed with their own weapons out. He looked meaningfully at them both and implored them to understand what his eyes were saying as he gestured to his knife, “No shooting yet.”

His handler nodded and lowered his weapon as he reached out to push John’s hands down too. 

He walked quietly to a nearby wall and listened again. He could hear several voices speaking in French on the other side. With the cadence of Ava’s counting, there were probably six guards in this parlor. The other four would be somewhere else. 

He was skilled but killing six people quietly was tricky. On his belt, he had smoke grenades that would put them to sleep, but he’d need to open the door to throw them in and they would recognize the side effects before going under. Their best option was to kill the guards first. 

Pointing towards the back of the mansion, he held up four fingers and then pointed to the wall he was beside and held up six. Both his handler and John nodded in understanding. He pointed at John next and directed him to go find the four. 

His friend nodded with a serious expression taking hold as he moved further into the mansion to find the others.

Ready to begin, he tapped his comms in a warning to everyone. He received three individual taps back to acknowledge him and he took that as his signal. 

He pulled his arm back and punched the door hard enough to splinter it. The six men inside jumped up but the closest fell instantly as he threw his knife directly into his throat. 

The shouting started then and he could hear fighting start somewhere else in the mansion as John engaged too. He narrowed his eyes as he ducked under a punch thrown by one of the men he was fighting and came up with another knife to bury under the man’s chin and directly to the brain. 

A shot rang out as his handler put a bullet directly in the forehead of one of the furthest back men as he scrambled to flee. Another shot and the man next to him was dead. 

He drew one of his sidearms and fired it directly into the chest of the man coming at him from his flank with a knife of his own. The man staggered and he took the chance to fire another more accurate shot to his heart. 

It was suddenly his turn to stagger as he was hit with a bullet to the chest, but his vest absorbed all but the sting of the shot. He glared at the last man and moved to kill him too, but his handler intervened with a final shot that landed between the man’s eyes. 

He pulled his knives free and turned to go help John, but as he arrived his friend had managed to just finish off the last guard. 

John was breathing a little heavy and his hands were covered in blood, but he seemed uninjured. He looked up to see them approach and smirked as he said, “Here I thought you meant no shooting at all. Then I hear you two go nuts.”

“Apologies, John,” his handler said with a smirk of his own. “But you seem to have handled them alright on your own.”

His friend swallowed heavily and looked at his bloody hands. “Sometimes I forget how strong this shit really makes you.” His eyes survey the carnage and saw all four guards leaking blood onto the ground from their cracked skulls and crushed throats. 

He tilted his head in sympathy at his friend and patted him on the back as his eyes said, “Just following orders.”

He could hear struggling in another part of the mansion, so he followed the sound until he was in a garden located in the center of the building. It seemed the building had been constructed in a square with an interior courtyard. A tributary of the river ran through the middle and Ava was currently subduing their target on the bridge that crossed it. 

“Salope idiote, libère-moi!” the man cursed from under Ava’s hold as his arm was yanked behind his back and her boot was pressed against the back of his neck. “Je vous ferai tuer! ”

His handler walked up beside the struggling man and crouched down with a cruel smile, “Bonjour, monsieur Roche. My name is Zemo. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”

The man looked at him in both horror and fury as he stammered, “I-I have. What business do you have with me, Baron? I had nothing to do with the Power Broker’s decision to have you sent to prison.”

“Ah, but you know of it,” Zemo purred as he stood up. “Which means you know of the Power Broker’s motivations. Perhaps his identity?”

The man snarled back, “Are you insane? Do you--” He stopped short as his eyes fell on him and John. He tilted his head in a threatening greeting and flipped the knife still resting in his hands idly. The man gaped like a fish and said, “I don’t want any trouble. You break into my home and start demanding information from me… You could have simply knocked, Baron. It would have been an honor to receive you as my guest.”

His handler looked pleased as he inquired, “So if I have you released, we can have a pleasant conversation about the Power Broker?”

The man swallowed nervously before responding, “I’d be happy to discuss with you, but I’m afraid I don’t have as much information as you may be expecting. My information on the Power Broker is limited at best. I receive requests at times, and I try to fulfill them to the best of my ability, but we are not what one would consider to be friends .”

His handler sighed in disappointment and waved for Ava to release the man. She did so and pulled him to his feet.  

“Merci, Baron,” the man said gratefully as he brushed himself off. 

“I wouldn’t thank me yet, monsieur Roche,” his handler said with false regret. “You see I don’t believe you. Зимний Солдат, допроси, пожалуйста, этого человека.”

He moved to obey swiftly, grabbed the man by the front of his suit, and carried him forward until he could slam him against a tree in the middle of the garden.

“W-wait,” the man yelled as he was carried but the force of the impact knocked the breath out of him. 

“What do you know about the Power Broker?” he asked blankly.

The man gasped to catch his breath and hissed, “Nothing. I don’t know anything about the Power Broker. Please, Baron, be reasonable. I am little more than a businessman.”

He tilted his head slightly at the answer and put his knife away for the moment. The man looked briefly relieved before his hand was grabbed and his pinky finger was snapped with a twitch of his fingers.

As the man screamed in pain, he repeated, “What do you know about the Power Broker?”

“Nothing!” the man insisted as he looked to his handler desperately. “Call him off, please.”

He couldn’t see his handler’s reaction, but he heard the soft laughter and his handler said, “Answer his questions and he will stop.”

To confirm, he nodded before snapping the ring finger on the man’s hand too. 

He waited for the screams to end and the man snarled, “I don’t know anything.”

This was clearly not enough pain, so he forewent snapping another finger in lieu of grabbing the man’s hand and squeezing slightly to shatter every bone at once.

The scream the man made was grotesque and he began to hyperventilate so he carried him to the river and dunked him under briefly. The man screamed again as he was pulled out so he repeated the motion.

“What do you know about the Power Broker?” he asked again. 

“The Power Broker is gone,” the man shouted in terror. “The States! You destroyed the serum so the deals already made to sell it were null. The Power Broker had to promise something just as alluring to the clients.”

He nodded and didn’t break any more bones. “What was promised?”

The man’s face clouded with honest fear as he stammered, “I d-don’t know. I really don’t know!”

This was true, albeit disappointing. He didn’t inflict any more harm and asked his next questions, “What does the Power Broker look like? What is the Power Broker’s name?”

Again the man looked terrified as he cried, “I still don’t know! B-but I do know the Power Broker is American and initially supported the Flag-Smasher’s work. The bounty placed on you both--” The man gestured with his uninjured hand between him and his handler. “Was significantly higher than the one placed on Sam Wilson.”

The man’s eyes darted back and forth between all the people surrounding him as he continued, “This Power Broker is able to move among the populace without drawing any attention and had a financial income high enough to fund the serum’s research outright. Ties to all sorts of programs looking to buy their own super-soldiers. There was even a contract to sell two vials to a US Government official for use on him. And-- And his partner.”

The man pointed at John, who snapped back furiously, “What? They planned to-- To myself is one thing-- To Lemar?”

John approached with his hands out ready to harm but he raised his own hand to stop him and fixed him with a relatively gentle look that said, “Please don't.”

His friend growled but stopped and clenched his fists by his sides. “So we were just one big experiment the whole fucking time. They sent us to go get the serum to protect their fucking investment. If they knew-- If I had told them I took the serum… They probably would have let me off the hook.”

His handler walked up beside his friend and rested his hand on his shoulder to calm him. John turned away but he could see the rage rolling off of him in waves. Even Ava moved to comfort him so that his handler could turn his attention back to the man in his grip.

“Any more, monsieur Roche?” his handler asked as he walked close enough to stare the man in the eyes.

“The Power Broker put the highest bounty on your head, Baron,” the man offered with a pained grimace. “Some sort of personal vendetta. Even without knowing the Power Broker personally, I believe the sense is that you’ve met.”

His handler narrowed his eyes as he assessed the info. After a moment, his handler asked, “Is the Power Broker a former member of HYDRA?”

The man looked frightened again and quickly responded, “I have no idea. There’s some sort of American affiliation is all I know.”

His handler nodded and pursed his lips before asking his next question, “Have you ever heard of the organization Левиафан?”

He looked at the man in his grasp as he nodded quickly. “Yes-- Yes. They were one of the groups looking to buy serum from the Power Broker. I think they may have even been one of the groups to buy the failed versions of the serum as Nagel iterated.”

His eyes widened slightly at that info and he forcibly narrowed them to conceal his reaction. But his mind raced. The little паучки… 

His handler noticed his rising distress and said to the man, “Thank you, monsieur. You’ve been moderately helpful.” The man looked briefly relieved until his handler’s hand shot out and buried a knife straight through his eye. His handler added, “But we were here to kill you, so… Apologies for misleading you.”

He let his handler retrieve his knife before dropping the now dead man and whimpering miserably now that they were alone. His heart was very sad and he wanted so badly to go save the little паучки right that moment.

“Shh, маленький,” his handler soothed as he put his hands on his cheeks and forced him to meet his handler’s eyes. “We’ll save them. No matter what it takes.”

He nodded but inside his mind felt like a maelstrom. He knew what the failed serum did to the other Winter Soldiers. It drove them mad. The poor little паучки didn’t deserve such a fate.

Feeling sick and hurt, he urged James forward and allowed himself to slide back into their mind to hide. He wasn’t fit to continue the mission on his own.

Bucky snapped awake in the middle of the garden after only keeping the barest thread of consciousness to watch the proceedings. Roche was lying dead in the water of the stream and Zemo looked at him with concern.

“James? Is маленький alright?” Zemo asked tentatively. 

He grimaced at the feeling of the blizzard in his head and said, “No, not really. He’ll be-- He’ll be okay, but he needs some comforting. Let’s wrap this up.”

Zemo nodded and looked around. “We should be fine to leave. We'll do a quick sweep for surveillance cameras and destroy them. John are you okay?”

“No,” John hissed, still consumed by rage. “But I’ll deal with it later. Let’s get out of here.”

Bucky moved to throw an arm around John’s shoulders and felt the other man slump against him. He pulled him a little tighter and Ava wrapped her own arms around his torso. Trapped between them, John took a steadying breath and relaxed minutely. 

“I’ll call our driver,” Zemo said with a last glance around. “That was less enlightening than I hoped, but we didn’t leave empty-handed. So let’s see what O’Donnell can offer in return.”

Chapter Text

The ride back to the penthouse was tense. They had decided to rest for the night before going back to see O’Donnell the next evening. Bucky was preoccupied being worried about his other half and John. Ava and Zemo were also both trying to be soothing but their own behavior was far from relaxed. John was sitting up front and Ava had her arms wrapped around him from behind. Bucky had been shuffled to the middle seat and Zemo was gently stroking his hair.

His other half was a violent blizzard in his head and his sadness was leaking into Bucky’s emotions too. 

They headed up to the penthouse after being dropped off and all quietly took off their gear around the table and changed into more casual clothes. Zemo popped back down to the street to receive ordered food and brought it back up to them. He passed out the meals and they all ate in relative silence.

John stood up first and looked at his hands and muttered, “I’m going to go-- take a shower.”

“John, do you want to talk first?” Bucky asked gently. 

His friend looked pained before he shook his head. “No-- I think I need to be alone for a bit. I’ll be fine.”

“Why be fine when you can be good?” he echoed Olivia’s words to him from home and stood up to reach out to John. The other man looked down but stepped into the offered hug and dropped his head onto Bucky’s shoulder.

“It was all bullshit from the get-go,” John murmured miserably. “We were just science experiments to get them a more controllable Captain America. Purchased super-soldiers. Lemar died for that fucking serum.”

Bucky squeezed the other man tighter and Ava came up to help him embrace him. He soothed, “No, John, he died for you. He died protecting you. It was a bullshit mission, but we all know what that’s like. Don’t let this corrupt his sacrifice.”

His friend made a frustrated, pained noise and clung to him tightly. “I just wish they had never reached out to me. Why not someone else? I was so fucking stupid. I was honored.”

“They picked you because they thought you were the best,” he said softly. “They picked poorly but not because you weren’t the best. But because you were better than they expected.”

“You’re fighting for a better cause now, John,” Ava added in a melancholy voice. “That serum will be used to harm untold numbers of people if we don’t eradicate it. The next bought super-soldier will not be so noble. I’m sure you’ve met enough monsters in your life to know that the average man is not to be trusted with such power.”

Bucky nodded. “Ava is right. That-- That failed serum could be being used against the little girls training in the Red Room. They are actual children being subjected to this shit. The serum may be a bitter pill for you right now, but I-- I’m glad you have it now. We need you. I didn’t know Lemar well, but I feel like this is something he could believe in too.”

John took a steadying breath and said, “You’re r-right. They need us and they need me to hold it together.”

That wasn’t exactly what Bucky meant and it made his stomach clench. “John you’re allowed to hurt. Lean on us like we lean on you.”

“Not while we’re on a mission. I can do my breakdowns later,” John mumbled as he tried to pull away. Bucky pulled him back in closer.

“No,” he said firmly. “We’re safe currently. If you need to break down, do it now. Don’t bottle that shit up. You’re talking to the actual king of ‘I’ll handle it later’. It’s never worked out for me.”

John didn’t respond verbally but he trembled for a moment before hugging Bucky tightly again and fully hiding his face in his shoulder. His legs all but gave out and Bucky had to carefully lower them down to the ground. 

The other man wasn’t crying but he was shaking and clinging as Bucky rubbed his back slowly and Ava draped herself over him. Zemo approached and dropped down beside them to rub John’s shoulder too. His friend soaked up their comfort in silence for a long time until Bucky was getting drowsy from the warmth and dropped his own head against John’s shoulder.

All of them but Ava were covered in blood so they eventually had to split to retreat to their rooms to shower. 

As soon as he and Zemo were alone, his lover was all over him with tenderness.

“James, how is маленький feeling?” Zemo asked as he pressed half a dozen kisses all over his face. “He was very distressed.”

“Yeah,” he breathed sadly. “He’s very upset. I can feel his pain. He needs to be taken care of for tonight.”

Bucky slowly coaxed out his other half until they slid into sync and a pained whimper escaped his throat the moment they were in tune.

“Hello, маленький,” his handler greeted sweetly as he stroked his cheeks. “You are in pain. Please let me comfort you.”

He nodded miserably and allowed himself to be pulled into the bathroom and stripped to head into the shower. His handler pulled him down to sit on a bench built into the shower and began rocking him in his arms slowly. He felt his own arms come around himself as James held him too.

His handler was so gentle and sweet as he took care of him and he felt so fortunate, which made his pain for the little паучки almost double. They didn’t have anyone taking care of them. They were being used as tools… as weapons. And now-- Maybe they were being used as experiments. 

He put his head on his handler’s shoulder and let himself be sad. His pain was important to motivate him to save the little паучки. They needed him.

His handler murmured soothing things to him and he let the words wash over him and carry away pieces of his pain. The source was deep and bottomless, but his handler’s gentleness was like dressing on a wound. 

He was washed and caressed and praised until his mind was humming with pleasure even as his heart was sad. It was a strange feeling, but it made him feel taken care of and loved. 

As they went to bed, he let himself be pulled into a tender hold and he shuffled close to his handler to receive more kisses. They slowly started to become more intense and slow as his handler continued to pet him. He could feel his handler’s desire becoming apparent with every caress so he rolled over and pulled his handler on top of him.

“How do you want me, sir?” he asked softly.

His handler looked a little surprised before recovering and asking seductively, “How would you like to be had, маленький?”

He blinked, trying to think of an answer, but nothing came to mind. He looked down, ashamed, and whispered, “I don’t know, sir. However you’d prefer me.”

His handler suddenly rolled off of him and pulled him close again. He went easily into the hold though he was confused. When he finally managed to pull his eyes back up to his handler’s face he found him looking distraught. Panic and horror stabbed into his gut like a knife at the sight. 

His lip trembled as he stuttered, “H-have I upset y-you, sir?”

His handler grabbed his face in his hands and pulled him in for a chaste but desperate kiss. When they pulled back, his handler still looked upset and said, “Маленький, if you ever do not feel like engaging in sex with me, you will tell me. Do you understand? That is an explicit order.”

He felt ashamed again and shook his head. “No, sir! I consent. I promise.”

Bucky, still somewhat in sync, felt his other half’s panic and heard Zemo’s words so he edged to the surface to say, “Consent is not the same as desire, маленький. Zemo isn’t angry with you. He wants you to understand that your pain and needs matter too.” 

“Secondary,” he whispered, horrified that he’d upset both his other half and his handler. “Handler’s needs first.”

His handler frowned deeply and pulled his face close again. “Маленький, I love you. I love both you and James. My love for you will not be damaged by a night where I simply hold you and take care of you. It will not be damaged by months of holding you and taking care of you. I only want to make love with you if you are enthusiastic about it.”

“I enjoy it, sir,” he whimpered. “I like pleasing you. It’s my duty.”

“Маленький do you usually have sex with me out of a sense of duty or because you love me?” his handler asked cautiously and there was genuine fear in the tone that made his heart ache. 

“Because I love you, sir,” he promised desperately trying to pour the truth into his eyes. “Because I want to please you. And-- And because it pleases me. ”

His handler relaxed a little and whispered, “Good, good. Well, right now I can tell you are not eager for sex. You need comfort. I’ve told you to be honest about your wants with me.”

He tried to search his feelings. It was true if he thought hard enough about it. Beneath his instinctive need to make his handler happy, he mostly wanted to be held. His head throbbed at acknowledging it and he made a small noise of pain. His handler pet him carefully to soothe that away.

“Y-you’re right, sir,” he agreed finally, starting to let the panic within dissipate. “I’d like to be held tonight.”

“Very good, маленький. Thank you,” his handler praised as he kissed him again softly and pulled him close to hold him. He laid his head on his handler’s chest and soaked up the comfort being offered even as his mind stung with guilt at not being able to put his handler first. 

They were still lying there in the darkness, drowsy but awake, hours later when the sound of John screaming started. Bucky took main control and immediately tried to rise but Zemo held him still and murmured, “Wait, дорогой. Let him wake first.”

After a short while, the screams tapered off and the penthouse was quiet again. Bucky waited another few minutes and then slid out of Zemo’s hold to throw on sweatpants. He walked out of their room to find John sitting in the darkness on the couch. 

The other man looked up and muttered, “Sorry.”

Ava came out of her own room and John cringed visibly at having woken everyone up. He repeated, “Sorry. I-- Not as big as the house. No, Liv, y’know?”

Bucky walked over through the darkness and dropped onto the couch beside John and wrapped an arm around him. His friend dropped his head onto his shoulder immediately and Bucky could feel the wetness on his cheeks from tears. He didn’t acknowledge them as he started to rub circles on John’s back.

Ava came over and wrapped her arms around him too. John said in a rough-sounding voice, “I don’t-- This is nothing new. Go back to bed.”

Bucky could tell he wasn’t ready to talk so he sighed and said, “Come on. Let’s go.”

“What?” John asked in confusion. “Go where?”

“Back to bed,” he elaborated as he stood and tugged John up by the arm. He looked at Ava in the dark room and offered, “You can come too.”

She stared back for a moment then nodded. “I’ll take you up on that.”

He guided them both back to his and Zemo’s room though getting John to move was like trying to guide a stubborn mule. The other man grumbled, “I don’t need this. I’m fine. Or-- I’ll be okay. Last thing you need is me waking your asses up with more screaming. I’ll just stay up.”

“Shut up, John,” Ava chided in a gentle voice. “You established this family rule, remember?”

“This is a little more than a hug,” John complained but followed along with less resistance as Bucky dragged him into the room.

Zemo, thankfully, had also put on sweatpants and didn’t even hesitate to throw back the covers to allow the three of them in. Bucky got in first, tugged John down after him, and Ava got in beside John. 

John and Bucky were both large people and the bed was now a little cramped, but they were so close at that point that it didn’t matter. Ava and Bucky both threw their arms around John and Zemo wrapped himself around Bucky. 

“This is fucking weird. No offense,” John muttered. “Warm though.”

Bucky yawned and sniped back, “Shut up asshole. Your fault for admitting to needing an anchor the other day. If I have to get over my reluctance to ask for help, then so do you.”

“You’ve--,” John started before he stopped and swallowed heavily. “You’ve been through a lot more. I feel like a fucking idiot freaking out when you manage to get by after everything you’ve had to endure.”

“Don’t compare trauma, John,” Zemo said softly. “Pain is very hard to quantify. Your pain does not pale in comparison to the pain James feels. It is no less important.”

His friend didn’t respond but Bucky could hear him swallow again and his breathing became different as he suspected he was crying again and trying not to let it show. He just dropped his head onto John’s shoulder and held onto him. 

The Soldier shifted into more complete sync and tightened their hold slightly. Bucky could feel his other half’s relief at having his friends close. This was helpful for both of them tonight. 

Feeling even safer than he had before and fuzzy inside from the feeling of helping his friend, he finally let fatigue pull him under, lulled to sleep by the warmth around him.

Chapter Text

The plan to sleep through the night was interrupted in the early hours of the morning by his phone ringing. 

Bucky raised his head and glared balefully at it as it rested on the table by the bed. Zemo stirred enough to grab it and check the name.

“Je to Sam,” Zemo slurred in his native tongue and passed him the phone before dropping his head back down onto the pillow to fall back asleep. John and Ava stirred beside him and then also closed their eyes again at hearing who was calling.

Bucky took the phone and answered it with a frustrated, tired, hissed, “Hello?”

“Well now, it’s you who sounds tired. You’re already in Madripoor aren’t you? What time is it there?”

He lifted his head barely to see the clock on the nightstand and muttered, “Nearly five in the morning.”

Sam let out one laugh a little but it didn’t sound happy. “Fair enough. Well, it’s 5 pm here. You were right. All three bodies are gone. What now?”

“Fuck,” he swore, sitting up and once again rousing his companions. He slapped a hand to his forehead in frustration. “Christ this is a nightmare. Sam, do you have the list of people who attended that service? Who else knew where it was?”

“Me, Sharon, the GRC council. They were mostly there for the ‘show of good faith’ or something. Uh, some lady named ‘Val’ and a couple-- Well, I think they were S.H.I.E.L.D. agents actually.”

Ava and John were paying attention now as they both sat up and looked sharply at the phone in his hand. 

“S.H.I.E.L.D. is operating again?” he asked before immediately realizing there was a bigger concern in that list. “You said a woman named ‘Val’?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t get a single drop of info on her. Seems like the most obvious choice for a follow up right?” Sam speculated. “Sharon is looking into it for us. She’s got her job back with the CIA.”

Zemo sat up suddenly and turned on the light. His face was a mask of pure fury and ice and understanding. 

Bucky looked at his lover and narrowed his eyes in question. Zemo looked at the phone in his hand and with deadly calm asked, “Can you ask Sam if Sharon is with him now?”

He didn’t understand why but he asked anyway, “Sam is Sharon there?”

Sam made a noise of agreement and said, “Yeah, she’s here. What’s up?”

Zemo’s eyes grew colder. “Could he perhaps ask her for information on Roche? Given her connections in Madripoor, I think her insight could be valuable.”

On Roche? Why ask for info on a dead man? Bucky, John, and Ava were all looking at Zemo in confusion. He asked anyway. “Could you put her on the phone? We need some info on someone here in Madripoor.”

“Sure hold on.”

There was a pause as they waited for Sam to pass the phone over. A moment later, Sharon’s voice came over the line, “Uh, hello? Bucky?”

“Hey Sharon,” he greeted, keeping his voice level. “We’re looking for a man in Madripoor by the name of Roche. Do you have any info on him?”

Sharon hummed and answered, “Yeah I know him. He’d been to my art gallery a few times. He’s a crimelord that operates out of Hightown but does most of his business in Lowtown. Massive influence over the crime in Madripoor.”

Zemo leaned in to speak into the phone and said, “We think he may be the elusive Power Broker. Do you think that may be a possibility?”

Bucky was officially lost and a glance at Ava and John said he wasn’t alone. Roche was dead and if he’d been the Power Broker then he was disappointed he worried so much. That didn’t make any sense at all. 

But Sharon took a sharp breath in and replied, “You-- You could be right. A guy like that… He’s got the money and the influence.”

His lover’s face grew even darker but now he was smirking. “Are you certain he’s got the money? Our investigations have yielded very little info except that the Power Broker is exceptionally wealthy given the cost of funding Nagel’s research.”

“Positive. He bought a painting off me for 25 million once.”

Zemo’s smirk blossomed into a full-blown cruel smile and Bucky shivered. What the hell was the angle here?

“Thank you, Ms. Carter. We’ll be starting with him. Unfortunately, we lack your connections and the bounty on our heads isn’t making moving about the city easy. If we don’t find anything soon, we’ll be tied up here for some time,” Zemo lied smoothly as he met Bucky’s eyes with extreme intensity. 

Sharon whistled low over the phone and said, “Ouch. I can try to pull some strings for you if you’d like. But my hands are tied on how much I can do from here. I don’t want to risk my pardon.”

“No, no,” Zemo answered calmly. “We’re quite resourceful. We’ll call for help if we need it, but I’d like to expend our options before risking your hard-won freedom. Your help in investigating Val will be enough. She could be an agent of the Power Broker’s and we need to be prepared for that.”

“Sounds good. Not exactly your biggest fan Zemo, but I hope Bucky stays safe.”

His lover sneered but didn’t let it leak into his voice as he responded, “Understandable, Ms. Carter. I cost you that freedom once. I can understand if you have a--” Zemo’s eyes burned into his as he continued, “A personal vendetta.”

Bucky’s stomach felt like it had dropped out of his body and his blood ran ice cold. Ava and John both twitched hard next to him as the implication clicked for them too. An American who could blend in with the populace, wealthy, with a vendetta against him and Zemo. Who better than a former CIA and S.H.I.E.L.D. agent with access to the tech to change face and voice at will?

Zemo continued with no change to his inflection, “To clarify, both James and I are appreciative for your continued help given the incidents in Berlin.”

“Yeah well, I’m mostly in it to help Sam, but Bucky’s not so bad. I won’t deny I’d have preferred you stuck in prison, but Sam says you take good care of Bucky. I’ll look into Val. You keep looking for the Power Broker,” Sharon responded nonchalantly. “Good luck.”

“Likewise, Ms. Carter,” Zemo said politely as he reached up to end the call. The moment the call was over, Bucky had to fight the urge to throw the fucking phone at the wall. 

"Fuck,” he growled and shot out of bed to start pacing around the room. “Fuck. Fuck.”

He wanted to hit something so badly but there were no good targets as his fists clenched violently by his sides. If John felt used earlier, Bucky knew exactly how that felt now. 

“It was her the whole fucking time,” he hissed violently. “We were played.”

“So it seems,” Zemo agreed as his anger finally flooded his voice. “I’ll give Ms. Carter her intellect. She managed to outplay even me. It seems Roche was good for something after all. However, we do seem to have an additional problem.”

“What else? I’m getting the sense this is bad enough already,” John wondered, though there was still some hesitant confusion in him. Without knowing Sharon, he had no idea how frustrating this was but he could read the room. 

Zemo stood up and made a sweeping gesture with his hands as he clarified, “She seems to have our new Captain America fully in her pocket. As well as the CIA and the US Government. We are all wanted enemies of the state.”

Bucky and John both cursed again at the fact that Zemo was right. No one in their right mind was going to believe them over Sharon and she’d helped Sam just enough to buy his faith too. Bucky might have been able to convince him before, but now Bucky was a ‘criminal’ in Sam’s eyes.

His lover continued as he paced along the wall, “And this ‘Val’s’ presence is no accident. Her attempts to contact you John were her trying to complete the sale she started with Ms. Carter for a super-soldier. With you going with us, she was owed more serum. Assisting Carter in getting Morgenthau’s body helps achieve that goal.”

John growled in rage and Ava lifted a hand to soothe him. Though she also sounded uncharacteristically angry as she asked, “And S.H.I.E.L.D.? They’re as monstrous as the rest. It would not surprise me at all if they were also in league with her to get their own dose of the serum. They’ve lost their puppet in Steve Rogers after all.”

Bucky flinched and Ava added with slight regret, “Sorry, James. I know he was your friend.”

“Yeah, well I also saw him make out with this woman knowing she was the niece of the woman he married,” he said with a grimace. More seriously he added, “He trusted her. Which meant that Sam and I trusted her.”

A thought occurred to him and Bucky voiced it aloud, “Why did she lead us to Nagel then?”

“Perhaps she didn’t think Sam would allow him to be killed. Perhaps she knew that Nagel was replaceable but the serum she needed to get her buyers off her back. I recall her face being quite dismayed at Nagel’s death. I believe she was counting on the former,” Zemo mused darkly. 

“Nagel said it was the CIA that started funding his research after HYDRA fell. That’s where she found him,” Bucky spat viciously. 

“The answer has been staring us in the face the whole time. She appears right after Selby dies and doesn’t even look surprised to see us. She knows where to find Nagel. Art gallery worth potentially billions. She ends up in New York and even manages to be the one to kill Karli. How the fuck could we be so blind?” 

Zemo hummed and answered, “Because she assisted us enough to clear suspicion. We had no reason to suspect the woman that provided us so much support to be an enemy. Ms. Carter is very skilled at playing the field to her advantage. Her pardon will give her access to more than enough information to sell for profit until her serum is recreated.”

“So what do we do?” John asked in a determined voice. “What’s the next step?

“We need to meet with O’Donnell and honor our half of the deal regarding this Jessán,” Zemo said with a sigh. “It will not do us good to make any more enemies in Madripoor. We’ll set off for the States as soon as we’re done. However, I’m afraid the freedom of movement we’ve enjoyed here will be nowhere to be found in the States.”

Bucky paced in a tight circle as his mind whirred and raced a million miles per hour. 

“She’s been one step ahead of us this whole time,” he contemplated as he paced. “What makes us sure she won’t see us coming and vanish?”

“Because this time she’s lost her advantage of subterfuge, I’m a better liar, and we’ve got four of the most deadly people on Earth in our party,” his lover answered confidently. 

“Everything we’ve heard is that her flow of information from Madripoor is much worse than her ability to collect information from the world while in Madripoor. It will take her time to learn of Roche’s death. By then, we should hopefully already be back in the States. Also, we’ll be severing her direct source of information on our plans by cutting Sam from our communications.”

Bucky nodded in agreement. They couldn’t say a damn thing to Sam if they wanted to keep their edge. 

Zemo continued, “We’ll continue to apply misdirection. If we’re lucky, she will not realize we know of her identity until it’s too late. She has to be on higher alert with us here in Madripoor, but her complete ability to hide herself here in Madripoor may lead her into a false confidence. No one here seems to know her real identity. She may believe we’re unable to successfully reach the correct conclusion without clues that do not exist.”

He finally stopped pacing and dropped down onto the bed to bury his face in his hands. “This is a fucking nightmare.” Ava and John reached out automatically and comforted him. 

His lover sat down beside him and nodded with a sigh as he said, “I have to agree. With Левиафан involved already, we’re also potentially at the risk of needing to engage with them while hunting Carter. We’ll also move from ‘arrest on sight’ to ‘kill on sight’ in the eyes of the US Government when we kill her.”

Bucky’s stomach lurched again. They were going to have to kill her. Sam was going to despise him. All the man would see was Bucky marching along to Zemo’s tune as they set about terrorist activities. He wondered if Steve would have believed him in the same situation.

“Captain America too,” he added bitterly. “Sam isn’t going to buy anything I say without clear proof and it sounds like she didn’t leave any.”

Ava murmured near his ear as she embraced him from behind, “There’s no such thing as no proof, James. We’ll find something to clear you in his eyes. But if he doesn’t trust you, then it’s his loss. He wouldn’t be the first Captain America to work for the enemy.”

John scoffed and agreed, “Yeah, he makes the fucking third.”

Bucky smiled a little and leaned back against Ava who responded by tightening her hug. She wasn’t quite the same as his little sister Rebecca and John may not be as golden as Steve was, but they were there and standing by him and that was everything he needed. In some ways, the connection he had to them was growing to be just as intense in his mind. Losing or failing wasn’t an option. Nor was letting his fears of letting Sam down get the better of him.

“Well, at least the wild fucking goose chase is over,” he joked with weak levity. 

“Mm, I did say when we began our first mission that we’d be scaling a ladder of lowlives,” Zemo mused as he massaged his forehead to relieve stress. “I wasn’t quite aware how high we’d climb, however.”

Bucky smirked and corrected, “Pretty sure we’re cutting the ladder down actually.”

Zemo looked at him fondly and said, “Ah, my mistake. You’re right.”

Chapter Text

They got no more sleep from that point but they still crawled back into bed to soak up the remnants of comfort before the day began. Even John ditched his attitude as he let Bucky and Ava hold on tight. It felt like every step forward the blockers in their path grew taller and more tangled.

As the sun rose, so did they, and Zemo ordered them a small breakfast to start the day. They were all as tense as the night before, but the thread of connection and comfort was still lingering even after getting up. They sat close together and brushed each other in contact often. 

After breakfast, they put their gear back on and called for their driver. They loaded up all their stuff back into the car and closed up the penthouse; basically unused except for the rumpled bed and drops of blood scattered throughout from their gear. 

It was a strange and quiet ride back to Lowtown in the daylight. They had come in the early evening on both of their last trips, so Bucky had never seen the place illuminated. Without the neon signs, the streets were still dark from crowded buildings but the grunge and grime was more clear. Graffiti and litter scattered the edges of the streets and the populace looked less like dangerous criminals and more impoverished. 

It left a strange feeling in his stomach to see the veil pulled back so far. He wondered how much Sharon fueled this mess and how much she profited from what went on here. The poorest people of Madripoor lived in the shadow of the richest. They were doing what they had to do to survive. Not everyone was a Roche, Selby, or Sharon. Most of them were probably closer to pawns in the game than actual players.

The Princess Bar was still beautiful in the light, but it was missing the same bustling crowd from the night before. The remaining few on the streets as they approached didn’t bother texting furiously or trying to stare, they just scattered like mice in fear. 

The same bartender from the night before was inside stocking the bar and he cast them a quick look before heading back to presumably fetch O’Donnell. 

No one else was there except, oddly, the two men in the booth from the night before. Though they were in a different booth now and only one was still ignoring them. The bigger of the two men fixed Bucky with a direct stare. 

The man was wearing an eyepatch and Bucky was instantly reminded of Nick Fury though the two looked nothing alike. He was smoking a cigar and the look he was shooting him was clearly a warning. Bucky met the look blankly and held it. To his surprise, the man just smirked and muttered something to his companion that Bucky couldn’t catch. Their staring contest ended and Bucky looked back to where he expected O’Donnell to appear. He wasn’t looking for any extra trouble today.

After a moment, the blond man emerged and greeted them with a jovial smile. 

“Gentleman!” O’Donnell crowed with a welcoming sweep of his hands. “And the fabulously interesting woman who I assume is also still here.” Ava was near his side and he could feel her phase through him slightly to move closer.

“We have much to discuss, O’Donnell,” Zemo responded smoothly as he approached. 

O’Donnell looked very smug and satisfied as he escorted them to the backroom again. “So how did it go? If you’re done already, I will confess that I’m very impressed. I, unfortunately, cannot perform miracles in a single night.”

Zemo took a seat and immediately got down to business with a scowl, “Roche is dead. He provided us the information we needed. We believe we have the identity of the Power Broker.”

The other man’s face morphed into complete shock and then became guarded as he said, “Well, then I am impressed, Baron. Pray tell, who?”

His lover curled his lip up as he purred, “What was it you said? Until you have reason to believe I’m your ally, you have no reason to give me the information I was seeking?”

O’Donnell’s mask broke long enough for a smirk as he lit a cigarette, but it quickly returned to his poker face. “Fair enough, Baron. Do you have proof of Roche’s death?”

Zemo pulled out his phone and provided the photo evidence he grabbed prior to them leaving Roche’s mansion. O’Donnell leaned in and whistled low at the sight. 

“I suppose I was right not to bet against you. I also suppose you’ll want the info I was able to gather on the Power Broker during my short chance to do so? It’s not much, and likely won’t be useful to someone who already claims to have the identity, but that was the deal,” O’Donnell speculated as he leaned back against the couch and blew out a cloud of smoke.

“Correct,” his lover said politely even as he showed his teeth in a dangerous smile.

O’Donnell spoke as he ticked off his fingers, “American, raised the price on your head three times in a single night, somehow managed to have Selby executed without ever putting a hit on her. That means you may have been closer to our Power Broker or one of the inner circle than you may have been aware.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” Zemo said with a laugh. “No surprises among your info. So let me ask you one more question, O’Donnell.”

The man quirked his eyebrow up at Zemo and took another drag. “Shoot.”

“When did the first Power Broker die? When did this new Power Broker establish themselves?” his lover inquired casually as he ran his fingers idly along the fur of his jacket. 

O’Donnell looked like he was thinking before he answered, “Sometime between 2016 and 2017. Probably closer to 2017. It’s been a while.”

That cemented it, he thought. Everything lined up exactly to point to Sharon but how they hadn’t been able to see it until now was still shocking. They were lucky she hadn’t tried to kill them in their sleep while they were staying at her house. Though, now that he was thinking about it, his state of falling apart with the Soldier emerging may have presented too much of a complexity for her to risk. Sharon may be smart, but she wasn’t going to be able to handle a super-soldier intent on killing her.

“Tell me about Jessán,” Zemo segued calmly as he flicked his eyes up to meet Bucky’s. They exchanged a knowing look about Sharon. “The Power Broker’s days are numbered. We do still have a deal to honor.”

O’Donnell’s face morphed again into surprise and then into a pleased smirk. “I’m glad to hear you’re turning out to be a trustworthy ally, Baron. I’ve always liked you. Jessán is a crimelord who specializes in theft and financial crime. She doesn’t believe in this drug trade, arms trade, and flesh trade bullshit.” The man broke his usual smooth demeanor to sneer at the words he was speaking. 

“She’s a good woman. Jessán is Madripoor’s best hope for pulling itself out of this mess it's in. Look around out there. It’s madness. Death, rot, poverty, and mayhem. Madripoor wasn’t always this way. We’ve never been a place of angels, but we used to have some dignity. Jessán was born here. She’s more invested in her homeland than any American or Frenchman like Roche could be.

By the time O’Donnell was finished speaking, Bucky could tell that this was a true story. The man’s eyes were burning bright and his cheeks were flushed with intensity. If nothing else, he believed in what he was saying.

Zemo seemed to understand that as well as he steepled his fingers and said, “We will kill the Power Broker for her and I suspect we’ve just killed her competition. What she does with Madripoor is her business after that. But, as I told you, I will not back a butcher. She is as you say she is, or we’ll come for her next.”

O’Donnell reached his hand out and Zemo shook it. “It sounds like a deal to me, Baron.”

After they shook, Zemo stood and straightened his jacket. “We’ll be going now. You were correct in your original info. The Power Broker is not in Madripoor at the moment.”

“I can’t persuade you to tell me?” the man asked with a devilish smirk. “My partner and Jessán will both be infinitely curious.”

Zemo smirked in return and tilted his head as he purred, “No, I’m afraid not. I can’t risk the info reaching the wrong ears before we strike. You’ve been extremely helpful, however. I’ll send you the name once we’ve finished our mission.”

O’Donnell sighed in disappointment and took another hit of his cigarette. “So be it. Thank you for the visit as always, Baron. It’s always a pleasure. Once this mess is all over, please do stop by more frequently.”

“Madripoor isn’t quite my style,” Zemo admitted with a vague glance around. “But I’m sure our paths will cross again. The Power Broker is just the first of several stops on our list of names.”

“I’m looking forward to admiring your work then,” the man said with a smile. “Good luck in your fight with the Power Broker. I’ll inform Jessán to prepare herself for the fight here.”

O’Donnell rose and showed them back out. As they made their way out, the men in the booth were back to completely ignoring them. Bucky tried to catch a glimpse of the other man but his face was turned just far as to conceal it. He was getting the sense that they weren’t nobodys but, without any provocation, he wasn’t going to go demanding names. He looked around and noted the distinct lack of security; they were probably the deterrents.

The driver picked them up and took them back to the airport without any trouble. Now that Sharon wasn’t there and pulling the strings against them, the whole thing felt almost too easy. With so much in Madripoor at her disposal, whatever she was getting in the States had to be valuable enough to be worth it. That thought alone was terrifying. 

They loaded the quinjet and Bucky went about clearing them to fly as the driver was paid and left. John and Ava had been very quiet all morning but they were starting to relax a bit now that they were almost out of the city. 

“I feel like O’Donnell got a much better deal out of us than we did out of him,” John grumbled as he strapped in. “Yeah Roche got us the info we needed, but now our name is attached to this other crimelord that we’ve never met.”

“O’Donnell isn’t a liar,” Zemo assured confidently. “He may not be a trusting man, but he’s not an amoral one. Madripoor is made up of all sorts. It would not surprise me for this Jessán to be exactly as he says she is. If that’s the case, then supporting her does us good. This city is very powerful and we could use allies here.”

John sighed and agreed, “Sure. I just-- I’m also not a very trusting man at this point.”

“Mm, I think we’re all in agreement there, John,” Ava added with a frown. “We have a lot of potential enemies: the Power Broker, Leviathan, S.H.I.E.L.D., the CIA, and Captain America. Anyone we’re missing?”

Bucky cringed. “The other Avengers if Sam calls in backup.”

Ava smirked and rolled her eyes a bit. “Ah, how could I forget?”

“You knew her right? What the fuck is the motivation here?” John asked in frustration. “How does someone go from friend to foe like this?”

“Technically, Zemo and I cost Sharon her job with S.H.I.E.L.D. and the CIA. We also cost her freedom when she helped Steve and Sam smuggle me out of Berlin. I don’t know why they punished her so hard, but it must have created some bad blood,” Bucky explained as he got them off the ground and into the air.

John hummed and then exclaimed, “Wait, wait. Last night you said Rogers made out with her when she was his wife’s niece? Can we unpack the fucking layers there? One, Rogers had a wife? Two, fucking why ?”

He cringed again and searched for the right words. “Well, it was before he went back in time to marry her. Probably before he even knew it was possible. He ended up married to Peggy Carter, Sharon’s aunt.”

“So, uh,” John started hesitantly. “How does this time travel shit work? Is it like Back to the Future?”

“I don’t have any idea,” he muttered. “I was dust for that. But all I know is Steve went in and then I look over and he’s an old man sitting on a bench.”

John made a noise of complete and total discontent. “So did Sharon Carter never meet her uncle or…?”

His stomach squirmed at the implication. “I don’t know.”

John continued, “Or did she know that she had to help him because her uncle told her what to expect her whole life? Or did we end up with a straight-up different Sharon Carter after her own past was changed by the influence of Rogers in it?”

“I don’t know,” he repeated but he still felt ill at the thoughts. Sharon and Steve were interconnected in one way or another and he didn’t like the thought that this could somehow be Steve’s fault. 

“And if none of that matters, then why didn’t Rogers do something for her after everything went down? Why did she get stuck in Madripoor trying to fend for herself? I can’t decide if she’s just evil or if she’s been screwed over so many times she doesn’t care anymore,” John finished with a scowl. 

He didn’t know those answers either and it made his skin crawl. He’d do anything at that point to have an hour to sit down and talk to Steve for some answers, but he was gone. Somehow, he’d left a bigger mess than even Bucky knew originally. 

Zemo reached out and put his hand on his shoulder comfortingly. Bucky looked at his lover and found his eyes to be understanding and gentle. It worked like a spell on his rising panic as it dwindled down to embers again. He might not like the questions, but he could handle hearing them now. Whatever the answers, he wasn’t going to have to deal with the fallout alone this time.

Chapter Text

Bucky set them on autopilot to New York but they had to endure another long flight on the much less comfortable quinjet. 

The Soldier was still withdrawn and slightly depressed from the news they received from Roche, but he was starting to emerge enough to keep a thin thread of consciousness. He tried to radiate soothing feelings inward to calm the fast swirling snowfall. At least the other wasn’t a full blizzard anymore.

They tried to spend as much time asleep as possible as their recent mission proved that sleep was a rare treat in the field, but they could only sleep so much on a flight that was going to take them nearly a day. 

Still, they had copious time left to spend talking. So, they started sharing stories. 

John started the conversation by asking Zemo, “So ‘Baron’, why don’t you tell us some more about you? You seem to have a lot of contacts. We got a little backstory the other day, but Bucky so kindly interrupted that by being horny.”

Bucky shot John an unimpressed look and received a grin for his trouble.

“I wouldn’t know where to begin,” Zemo said with a sigh but he was smiling. “I suppose you’re asking for something more interesting than my primary school days?”

“Surprise us,” Ava murmured as she lounged on a row of seats. 

“Mm,” Zemo hummed as he contemplated. “When I was young, in the late 1980s, I once met a man who could move metal with his mind.”

All three of them leaned in a little closer to pay attention to a story with such a strong start.

Zemo started to explain softly, “He was a German man by the name of Erik who had come to Sokovia to hide I believe. He would visit my father and talk at length about the atrocities committed in Nazi Germany. He had an identification number tattoo, so I assume he knew them first hand.” 

“He had a younger wife that would come with him often and an infant daughter-- Anya was her name. I would play with her while the adults talked. After so many visits, he showed his power. He would move small objects around without touching them. I would beg him to show me how he accomplished the trick but he would just smile.”

“HYDRA and their Nazi ideology were just beginning to seep into our country like a venom then,” Zemo mused with a dark frown. “He would caution my father on how to prevent their spread, but-- Well my father was a better man than I and a more naive man than Mr. Erik. He did not heed his warnings to pull them out by the root then… And it eventually spiraled so far that it cost him his life.”

Bucky’s hands tightened automatically, but he didn’t interrupt.

“Eventually, his visits ceased altogether and my parents grew concerned. His wife was pregnant and little Anya was just an infant. My father went into the city to search for information but found a warrant out for the man’s arrest. He was wanted for arson and murder. His home had burned to the ground with his daughter inside. They claimed he set the fire and killed the would-be rescuers while his young, pregnant wife fled and was not seen again.”

Inside, the Soldier withdrew further and started swirling faster at the mention of the dead child. Bucky felt his heart seize with sadness at his other half’s pain. It seemed that the Soldier’s deepest soft spot was children and that was not at all a shock.

“Somehow, I doubt that’s what really happened,” John muttered, looking ill.

Zemo nodded gravely. “You would be correct, John. HYDRA had finally located him and burned his home down in an attempt to kill his family and capture him. He used his ability to move metal to send their fired bullets right back at them and crushed their heads with their metal helmets. His wife escaped but no one ever found her.”

“Erik disappeared from Sokovia with a final letter to my father warning him of the devastation HYDRA would wreak if left unchecked. Perhaps… If we had realized at the time the warrant proved HYDRA had already infiltrated our police force, we would have realized the true risk then,” his lover finished in a wistful voice, but Bucky could tell the story disturbed him to tell. 

“Do you think he’s still alive?” John asked carefully. “I mean, if he escaped…”

His lover shrugged. “He would be very old now if he is. He was not a particularly young man then, though fit and strong.”

“Those of us with-- abilities are always feared or exploited,” Ava whispered as she looked at her hand and allowed it to pulse with intangibility. “It doesn’t surprise me to hear this. I suppose HYDRA wanted to weaponize him.”

“Well they eventually got their weapons in the Maximoff twins,” Zemo said with a bitter laugh. “They only had to wait some time.”

Ava was quiet for a long time before saying, “I was only a child when S.H.I.E.L.D. took me and weaponized me. They promised me a cure but dangled it above my head like a carrot on a stick. They used my father’s failed ambition and mistakes as their own personal gain. Bill Foster, the man who raised me effectively, was the only good man I ever met within S.H.I.E.L.D. in all my years there. All the others saw me and my affliction as their secret to exploit.”

Everyone grew silent again to let Ava tell her own story. “My early life was spent in a lab being tested again and again until they understood. At that time, I was still in so much pain from my affliction tearing me apart. Every single moment was painful and they could not induce any artificial pain relief.”

Ava looked fond for a moment as she added, “Janet was able to fix that and the energy Scott provides on occasion keeps me stable. So my pain is gone or manageable until I need another dose.”

“Bill would bring me toys and treats during my time in the lab. He tried his best, I can see that now,” she murmured and looked away.

Bucky started to ask softly, “Is he…?”

She looked up and smiled a little. “He’s fine. I sent him away when I went on the run, but we stayed in contact. Once Scott was delivering me energy, I was no longer in so much danger that he needed to keep a close eye on me. Plus, being out from under S.H.I.E.L.D.’s thumb meant I wasn’t being sent off to kill on orders anymore. A relief considering the missions they sent me on tended to be the worst of what they had to offer.”

“I wasn’t the only tool in their arsenal of course; just the most versatile one. They had others they were puppeteering. Not least of which was your Steve Rogers, but there were others with remarkable abilities. There was this one man I remember more than the rest. His name was Anthony, but he asked me to call him Tony. He was a full-fledged agent,” Ava said as her eyes began to grow unfocused in memory.

“He had the ability to mimic the movements of others. He and his wife were kind to me though he was a bit rough around the edges. She tended to smooth him out. I think they pitied me. I once heard that his wife tore into Fury for his use of me once. Of course, all things end in S.H.I.E.L.D.; one day he went off on a mission and never returned. I used to wonder if that would be me eventually.”

“Mimic movement?” Zemo asked curiously. “I’ve heard of a man with that ability in the time I spent researching the super-soldier serums after the fall of Sokovia… They said he was a mercenary that traveled the world. Some speculated he was also a Winter Soldier but I couldn’t find any reports in Siberia to imply that was the case.”

Bucky shook his head. “You destroyed all the Winter Soldiers except me. Whoever he is, he wasn’t one of us.”

“Perhaps he traded one set of monstrous orders for another,” Ava mused with a shrug. “I hope he’s well.”

“I knew someone like that,” John muttered and closed his own eyes. “Not well. We only met once or twice while I was on deployment, but once I was ‘promoted’ to Captain America I looked him up. His name was Frank Castle. He was, uh-- A marine. Maybe one of the scariest motherfuckers I’ve ever met.”

Ava looked up again and nodded. “I know of him. I’ve heard he’s still out there.”

“Yeah,” the other man said with a slight huff. “He’s out there alright. He was part of this covert ops group called Cerberus Squad in Afghanistan. You think the words ‘Winter Soldier’ are scary? Try hearing that and knowing you’ve got a whole party of Winter Soldier wannabe’s coming after your ass. I used to thank God we were fighting on the same side.”

“Those guys would get in, get their target, and leave only blood smears behind. And they weren’t even super-soldiers. They were just absolute machines of war,” John breathed more in horror than awe to the point that Bucky was surprised to see him so affected. 

John continued after a moment’s pause, “They were into some shady shit. I’d say half of whatever it was never made it to paper so the US could save face. Or maybe they were in on it… I don’t even know anymore. Castle’s whole family got tied up in it though and his kids ended up dead. What we know from there is he killed anyone left alive in connection with the Cerberus Squad.”

Bucky flinched painfully again as the Soldier finally retreated fully into his mind as a full-blown blizzard at the death of yet more children. 

“Buck?” John asked in slight alarm.

He held up his hand and said softly, “Маленький doesn’t like-- He is easily upset by hearing about children being hurt or killed. He’s got a soft spot for kids.”

Zemo reached out and rubbed his shoulder again soothingly. “He has seen more dead children than any human should have to, James, as have you. I think he may see much of the same helplessness in them as he feels in himself, though.”

Bucky nodded in agreement. “I think you’re right. Especially the girls in the Red Room. They were selected from birth to be dragged there and turned into weapons. They would have me-- Sometimes…”

He couldn’t even get the words out as they stuck in his throat and caused him to clench his jaw. 

“Go on, James,” Ava urged softly. “Whatever they made you do was not your fault. Nor was it the Soldier’s.”

He took a shaky breath and finished, “They would m-make me capture them and bring them to the Red Room. I would-- I would kill their p-parents and take them. They were just babies then. Then I would t-train the older ones.”

“Ava is right, Buck,” John said seriously as he also leaned over to touch his shoulder. “It wasn’t your fault. HYDRA used you. HYDRA did those things.”

“But it was me,” he hissed. “They used me as a weapon to r-ruin their lives. Then-- Then--”

“Then they made you kill them,” Zemo supplied very gently. “When HYDRA and Левиафан stopped working in tandem in Russia, HYDRA sent you to take away the weapons they made you provide.”

Bucky bit his lip in emotional agony and nodded. “They were young assassins so they-- They tried to fight back. But my strength… We tried to-- t-to make it quick. We didn’t let any of them suffer. And, we tried to let a few escape.”

Without realizing it, the Soldier had slid into sync with him so tightly that their own pain became one and their minds started to blur.

“They used the final punishment protocol on us for that mission,” he whimpered desperately. “It felt like being torn apart limb by limb, over and over. We were subjected to it for days. Our handler wanted to make sure we never forgot. He-- He wanted to keep us in working order. It was our fault for failing the mission. But we didn’t want to hurt the little паучки.”

“They trusted us to teach them and their-- their eyes lit up when we arrived. At first, they thought it was a game. We-- We used to make training like a game sometimes. They liked that. But when we s-started to kill them… They did their best. They learned so well. We were so proud of them,” he finished as tears started falling. 

“We wish we could have told them that,” he sobbed. “It wasn’t their fault. They were small and we were too strong. They learned everything we taught them.”

He hiccuped as he continued to let the words pour out, “The smartest ones ran. We let them go and prayed they ran fast. We still tried to look for them after the mission. A few were smart enough to run far and keep running. But we s-still found a few.”

“They didn’t even cry,” he whispered. “We could cry when we were being wiped, but the little паучки didn’t cry while we killed them. So brave… They learned not to have fear on a mission early.”

“We w-wish we had d-disobeyed. We wish we had just let them p-punish us instead. If we could have disobeyed, the little паучки would still be alive. But we feared the punishment… The little паучки didn’t fear death but we were so weak that we feared simple punishment,” he cried as he reached up to hug himself tightly in pain.

“Jesus Christ,” John muttered as he quickly unstrapped to pull him into a hug. “I’ll kill every last fucking HYDRA agent still alive for you. I swear to God we’ll get them all. Every HYDRA agent, every Leviathan agent, every fucking person who has ever wronged any of us.”

He wrapped his arms around his friend and let the comfort of the hug wash over him. Ava joined in and so did his handler. They were right back to the shared connection from that morning. A whirlpool of pain being slowed by tenderness. 

“Never leave us,” he murmured into John’s shoulder. Within seconds, all three of them echoed the word ‘never’ back and his handler started pressing kisses into his hair. 

John came down to be at eye level as he took his face in his hands and whispered intensely, “You’re never going to be alone again. Neither of you. We’re a family, right? We’ll fight for you and you fight for us. And all of us will fight to save those girls.”

His tears spilled out onto his cheeks again and through John’s fingers as he nodded. 

“Us against the world,” John promised as he pulled him in for another tight hug. He went into it easily and hugged back tightly. “You’re all the best thing to ever happen to me outside of Lemar and Olivia. I’m not going to lose any of you. I’m not going to let anyone fucking hurt you anymore.”

He whimpered again and pressed closer. Zemo was rubbing circles in his back and Ava was petting his hair. He felt so loved and so much love in return. HYDRA stole his everything but he found something new. And this family didn't think he was too broken to fix. They knew how broken he was and loved him anyway. His life finally felt like maybe it was headed in the direction he hoped when he woke up from HYDRA's control. It was like Zemo said for himself: cut the head off a rose and it grows a new rose.

Chapter Text

All three of them continued to spend time taking care of Bucky for much of the remaining flight. As he and the Soldier separated out into their distinct pieces, the embarrassment started to rise until he squashed it down. He needed to keep reminding himself that this is what they wanted from him. They didn’t expect him to be perfect all the time.

Still, Bucky had a hard time shaking the fear that if he continued to need them this much they would eventually get sick of it. The mere concept of Zemo and his friends growing tired of him was a dark and bottomless pit in his heart. 

They arrived in New York in the early hours of the morning and the first problem was where to put the quinjet. They couldn’t very well land a ‘stolen’ plane at the airport. But, as was becoming common, Zemo’s money had an answer for that as well. 

He made some calls as Bucky circled in stealth and managed to secure them another penthouse on the top floor of a building with a helipad. Though, once he was off the phone, Zemo finally hissed in financial anguish as he muttered, “I wasn’t aware New York City had such strict rules on helipads. That was rather expensive.”

“Oh did it chip away at your monthly budget?” John joked with a smirk.

“Mm, it cost more for a few nights than I’d expect to spend on the house I promised you and Olivia,” Zemo explained with a grimace. “Something about helipads in the city being restricted to a certain number of landings a year.”

Bucky piloted them to their destination and put the quinjet down on the building with ease. Hopefully, they wouldn’t draw too much attention for a few days. 

This penthouse was much the same as the one in Madripoor; modern and void of any emotion. Bucky didn’t like it any more than the last, but he wasn’t in the business of being picky. 

They were all still somewhat rested from their naps on the flight, though uncomfortable, so they sat down around the table to discuss their plans. 

“We need to get an accurate location on Sharon at all times,” Zemo mused as he tapped his chin in thought. “Ideally we need to implant a tracker that we could get under her skin without her noticing.”

“Get me a chip and an initial location on her and I can make that happen,” Ava offered casually. “If it’s small enough, she won’t even feel more than a sting.”

“I have the chip, but not the location,” his lover said with a shrug.

John got a strange expression on his face. “Any particular reason we don’t just have Ava sneak up and uh-- rip her heart out ?” 

Zemo shook his head as he explained. “We need to find out where those bodies are, get some proof of Sharon’s guilt, and ideally investigate her connections with Левиафан. Until we know the full scope of what she’s involved in, killing her just gives her connections time to hide all the evidence.”

“Taking too long also gives them time to hide the evidence,” John grumbled but didn’t argue any further. 

“Correct,” his lover agreed. “Which is why we need to be swift. We’ll get her tracked and then go from there. James, perhaps we could chance a call with Sam now?”

Bucky glanced at the window filtering in the moonlight and glanced back at Zemo with his eyebrow raised. It made sense only a second later as he nodded. “I see. Call now and make it seem like we’re still in Madripoor.”

He took out his phone and called Sam. For a moment, it didn’t seem like the other would answer, but he eventually picked up with a drowsy, “Hey?”

“Hey Sam,” Bucky greeted, keeping his tone serious but not dire. “Sorry, I know, timezones.”

“Yeah, you’re sorry. You just don’t care,” Sam complained with a groan and what sounded like sitting up. “If you’re calling to ask my ass about how it’s going… Well, sorry to disappoint, but not great.”

“Is Sharon there?” he asked without any fanfare.

Sam sounded extremely confused as he replied, “Excuse me? No, I certainly hope she’s not in my room without me knowing in the middle of the damn night. If you need her, call her.”

“Where are you right now? Where is she? We think--,” Bucky paused trying to think of a story but Zemo leaned in to supply one.

“Hello, Sam. We think Sharon may have run afoul with the Power Broker. We need to be certain you’re both safe,” Zemo explained without even a drop of hesitation in his voice.

“Fuck, really? We’re uh-- We’re at a hotel in New York. She’s in the room next to me. Should I go wake her?”

“No,” Zemo said sternly. “We are currently afraid something in her personal effects may be compromised. Do not show signs of panic.”

“Where exactly is this hotel? I have sent Oeznik ahead to collect you both. When I call you, then you will go and wake her and explain you’re being summoned to meet with me. Oeznik will transport you to a safe location.”

“Got it,” Sam agreed easily. “I’ll send you the address.”

Bucky grimaced. Sam was too trusting. No wonder he’d so easily allowed Steve and Natasha in while they were on the run from HYDRA. It made sense with his innate trust in Karli too. 

“Thanks, Sam,” he said into the phone as he moved it closer to his mouth. “Look out for our call, okay?”

Sam sighed, “You got it, Buck. Guess I didn’t need any more sleep tonight.”

He hung up and a moment later his phone buzzed with the location. 

“Time to go to work,” John said with a clap of his hands as he pushed himself to his feet.

Zemo looked to Ava as he pulled out a small case with what looked to be a ring inside. “You will use this. I trust you recognize it.”

She nodded as she took it from him and pulled the ring out. It had a sharp point that faced her palm when worn. “Yes. A quick pat and she’ll be tagged. I can get in and out in under 10 minutes.”

“Excellent,” Zemo praised with a smirk. “Assuming this goes well, she will relay to us a constant stream of data regarding her position. From there, we will have you trail her.”

“How do we plan to get around?” John asked suddenly as they collected their weapons. “This isn’t Madripoor. People are going to notice this shit.”

“Places like the one we’re in have amenities that the average person can only imagine,” Zemo purred as he walked over to a small piece of furniture by the door. It had a single drawer and when he opened it, there were several sets of keys. Zemo ran his fingers along them for a moment before selecting a set and shaking it in their direction.

His lover explained mischievously, “There is a selection of cars for us in the parking garage waiting. No driver this time, I’m afraid.”

John actually looked aghast at this. “So you’re not just rich... You’re disgustingly rich. I drive a fucking 10-year-old clunker back at home, do you know that? Fuckers like you running around renting apartments that come with cars and helipads .”

“I grew up in the Great Depression,” Bucky chirped with false brightness at John’s complaining. 

His friend made a face and muttered, “How do you manage to keep getting more tragic, and why is that the least tragic shit I’ve heard so far?”

“My parents were better off than almost anyone we knew,” he admitted as they headed down to the parking garage. “Still not great but better. Steve was way worse off. We used to go out to steal food for him and his mom.”

“All the more reason for you to be here,” John said firmly. “Now you’ve got the world’s greatest sugar daddy over there to take care of you.”

Bucky glanced at John, completely unimpressed by the implication, and kept walking. His friend just reached over and punched his shoulder affectionately.

Zemo led them to an array of cars and selected an SUV. It was nice but less conspicuous than some of the other wild sports cars that left John drooling as they passed by. They loaded in and Bucky took the driver’s seat. As the person who knew New York the best, he was the one to get them to their destination.

He parked them on the street next to the hotel and started to check their surroundings. No one was out at this hour which worked well for them. Unfortunately, it was a big hotel and they didn’t have a room number.

“I’ll be back,” Ava promised as she donned the ring and her helmet and went invisible. 

Zemo pulled out his phone and tapped into her comms and video feed as she infiltrated the hotel. She was able to phase right through everything on the floor. Like the ghost that Scott referred to her as, she was able to make quick work of every single room. 

Nothing on the first floor, nor the second. Bucky looked up at the tall hotel and estimated maybe 20 floors, which had him cringing. This could take a while.

But, just as he expected to be there for some time, Ava found Sam sitting around tapping his foot impatiently on the fifth floor and Sharon awake typing on a laptop in the next room.

“Fuck,” Bucky hissed. “Did he wake her?”

Zemo hummed with a frown and leaned in to stare at the screen. 

It was too risky to call on comms with Sharon awake, so all they could do was watch as Ava phased behind her and brought the camera in close enough to see what she was doing. 

Sharon was moving immense sums of money around. Numbers so high that Bucky had a hard time visualizing them. What did someone even do with money like that?”

John scoffed and said, “Oh man, she might have as much money as you do, Zemo.”

“Significantly more,” Zemo admitted with a half-shrug. “I don’t deal in such profitable trades. Too many morals I’m afraid.”

Sharon’s shoulder was just peeking out of her oversized T-shirt and Ava took her chance to apply the tracker with a quick tap. The other woman just flinched and reached up to rub the spot in confusion as she twisted her neck around to look. She looked around the room as Ava backed away but eventually returned to her work as she continued to rub the insertion site. 

Zemo quickly navigated to another app on his phone and a little green light was blinking to show where Sharon was at that moment. His lover smiled deviously.

“Very good, Ava,” Zemo praised sweetly over comms as she retreated back downstairs. “Everything is set up. James, could you please phone Sam and explain that it was a false alarm?”

Bucky cringed and pulled out his phone to do just that. The phone only rang once this time as Sam answered. “He here?”

“Uh,” Bucky started sheepishly. “Sam, don’t get pissed okay--”

Sam snapped back instantly, “Are you-- You’re not about to fucking tell me this was all for nothing are you?”

“We had to be safe,” he lied easily this time. “You seriously wouldn’t want me to call if I thought you were in danger?”

“You woke my ass up before the fucking sun came up again for a false alarm?”

“Yeah, well, it’s dangerous right now,” Bucky said with some carefully applied annoyance. “You and Sharon should be fine. They think she’s still in Madripoor. We’ll handle it.”

Sam huffed in response. “Fine. If you don’t mind, I’m taking my ass back to bed.”

“See you, Sam,” Bucky muttered with a glance at Zemo’s phone still blinking with Sharon’s tracker. The other man just hung up.

Bucky drove them back to the penthouse and they were able to agree on getting about 4 hours of sleep before moving on with the rest of the mission. Sharon wouldn’t be on the move until morning, though Zemo set up an alert if she moved more than a certain distance. 

They stripped out of their gear and into more comfortable clothes and John looked around at all of them to ask, “Do we just want to skip the screaming step and go straight to the cuddling shit?”

He laughed a little but tried to stifle it as John glared at him. Unfortunately, the glare just made him laugh more as he smirked at his friend. “Yeah, we can skip some steps, John.”

“You want me to laugh at you next time you start crying, old man?” John shot back with a roll of his eyes. “Because at this point, you may cry more than anyone I’ve ever met. Hug you for hours on that plane and this is the thanks I get.”

Bucky just smirked again and pulled John in for a hug that the other tried to resist and escape. “I just like that you’re getting over how seriously you take yourself.”

“Look in a mirror, asshole,” John muttered but he finally hugged Bucky back. “You’re a fucking walking soap opera of drama and I so kindly put up with you. Watch yourself or you’re going to be hunting for a new best friend.”

Best friend. 

Bucky blinked as his face fell from amusement to complete surprise and, then, oddly blushing. 

Is that what they were? 

His reaction must have shown in something other than his face because John pulled away with a deep frown. “That was a fucking joke, Buck. Don’t tell me you--”

Now John was looking at him blushing like an idiot and Bucky was just blinking back at him and wishing he could sink into the floor. He tried to think of some joke to steer the conversation away from why the hell he was blushing but nothing was coming to mind.

So instead, he just tentatively asked, “Are we?”

“We as in ‘you and buddy’ being a ‘walking soap opera of drama’ or we as in ‘you and I’ being ‘best friends’?” John asked carefully with a furrowed brow. “Because can it be both if I meant the first one in the fondest way possible?”

He hadn’t had a best friend since Steve and he’d been the first. So when he left, Bucky just resolved he’d never have another. In his head, best friend meant brother. He didn’t really know how not to give all of himself to the people who mattered to him.

And, of course, John already mattered that much to him. How could they be family if Bucky held himself back?

But then he hadn’t quite labeled it yet for… well-- Any of them. He just knew that ‘boyfriend’ sounded weird for Zemo. But his lover had said partner once and he didn’t hate that…

John looked vaguely concerned for a moment. “Buck, I can hear the gears in your head going. Talk. Just start throwing it out there and we’ll work through it.”

Zemo and Ava were also looking on curiously and Bucky blushed deeper at their concern. He was being weird about this and he knew it. For most people, ‘best friend’ didn’t necessarily mean anything major. It just meant one’s favorite friend. But for him, it always meant more and he wasn't sure if John meant the same thing. Then again, maybe Steve hadn't either.

“I--,” Bucky started with a swallow. “Wasn’t sure if we were actually best friends… That sounds stupid. I-- To me... To me 'best friend' is like a brother. Steve was--”

“Well, easy,” John interjected soothingly. “We’re best friends. I don't follow just anyone around the world, Buck. You already know how much you matter to me. If you wanna say it’s Sam then he and I are going to have to fight for it.”

It wasn’t Sam. It was still Steve.

But that didn’t make sense. Why keep himself miserable when the other was gone? John was here and looking out for him. And even if Bucky let him have the title, Steve wasn't harmed. He would always hold a spot in Bucky's heart and mind as his first best friend.

And if Lemar had been John’s best friend, then John certainly didn’t have a problem giving him the title now. The other man made some things look so easy that Bucky could only follow along in awe. It helped to dispel the lingering feeling that he didn't deserve the chance John was offering him. 

He swallowed again and nodded slowly. “Right. We’re best friends.”

John reached up and ruffled his hair. “See? Easy.”

Bucky tried for casual as he nodded again, but the blush on his cheeks betrayed just how honored he felt.