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Really, he should have known that the universe wasn’t done with him yet because low and behold, even having an established career wouldn’t let him escape from his soulmate and his soulmate’s soulmate. Not only was Kageyama a major competitor for the main setter spot on the National team, but he was also the main setter for MSBY’s biggest rival, the Schweiden Adlers. Atsumu saw him all the time! They were even almost friends – or as close to friends as Kageyama ever got. He had the sneaking suspicion that he’d taken Oikawa Tooru’s place in the younger setter’s eyes and that because he hadn’t reacted with distain, he’d been promoted to weird setter senpai.
Sometimes in his… worst moments he wanted nothing more than to hate Kageyama, but he just couldn’t. He was Hinata’s soulmate; the only one who could really complete him and make him happy. How could Atsumu hate him for making his soulmate happy? Really, that was all he wanted for Hinata and he clearly wasn’t the one made to do that.
It just meant that he was a bit bitter. But he was a good actor, so he hid it well.
If that wasn’t already enough, then there was also the matter of Hinata returning from Brazil and then joining Atsumu’s team. Now he was one of Atsumu’s spikers.
There were a lot of days where Atsumu wanted nothing more than to cry at the injustice that was having a mismatch and then having to spend almost 24 hours a day with the guy. They lived right next to each other in the dorms for fucks’ sake! The only times he wasn’t in the dorms were weekends when they weren’t busy, and he made it no secret that he spent them at an apartment that he co-owned with Kageyama.
Atsumu just kept on smiling and laughing because even if this was unbelievably painful to live with, it was also the closest that he would ever get to his soulmate. He was going to make the most of this, easily befriending the smaller man. He got to bask in his happy presence almost as much as he wanted to. It wasn’t enough, but it is gonna have to be because he didn’t have another choice.
He could be okay.
All he had to do was keep lying about his ability to see colour.
Easy, right?
(It was 3 months after Spring Nationals when Atsumu finally came to terms with having a mismatch. He couldn’t just break down right after Nationals or Osamu would accuse him of being too upset about the loss of the match. Sure, Atsumu wished they’d won, especially for Kita, but they still had another year to try and win it all. He had just been happy to face opponents like Karasuno.)
(He woke up in the middle of the night and just knew in his soul that he was fucked and that there was nothing he could do to change that. He slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, closing the door and sitting in darkness.)
(He didn’t know how long he sat curled up in a ball with his back against the door, but eventually the tears began to flow and soon enough he was drenched in his sorrows. He muffled his sobs with his fists and eventually fell asleep on the cool tile. He cried for so long his eyes had practically swollen shut and he’d had to shout through the door at Osamu to say that he was sick lest his brother discover he’d been crying.)
(He knew anyways, but if Atsumu made an attempt to lie – like, seriously lie – Osamu knew to leave it alone until Atsumu was ready to talk.)
(Atsumu cried himself to sleep for another 2 months before he was able to get a handle on his masks.)
“Even if we weren’t soulmates as soon as I laid eyes on her I knew that we belonged together,” Meian said, gesturing with the hand that held his drink. The Jackals were all gathered in a restaurant for a celebratory dinner after a successful game and of course, they’d started drinking. Pretty quickly into the night, conversation turned to a topic that tended to fascinate everyone; soulmates. Those on the team who hadn’t yet met their soulmates pestered those who had to share their stories. “When our eyes met the world exploded with colour and everything was right. I’m just lucky that she was willing to put in the work.”
Bokuto laughed jovially, swinging an arm around Meian’s shoulder. “Ah, it was much the same with me and Keiji,” he agreed. “I managed to not know it was him for a full year before on day after this amazing practice match I met his eyes all ready to thank him for the amazing sets and suddenly the world was so much more than just volleyball. I was ecstatic – I’d always found Keiji fascinating. He just seemed to get me right from day one! Keiji, on the other hand was a bit shyer and very conscious about being polite to upper classmen. He freaked when he found out – it turns out he’d had a crush on me and thought that I would be disappointed.”
Inunaki wiggled his eyebrows teasingly, “I’m sure that you set him straight on that.”
“There was absolutely nothing straight about what happened that night, I assure you!” Bokuto laughed boisterously. “What about you, Sakusa-kun? You met Ushijima-san in high school too, right?”
Sakusa nodded in agreement, taking a sip from his sake. “Yes. It was during a tournament back in middle school actually, but close enough. We made eye contact during the match – he played very admirably considering the shift in sight. I was pleased – it was the first time I’d met someone who had a more devastating spike than my own.”
“Jeez, Omi-Omi,” Atsumu griped. “You couldn’t sound more clinical if you tried. You’re just like UshiWaka – no wonder you’re soulmates.” He was teasing in good fun, but Sakusa narrowed his eyes at him over the rim of his glass all the same. He didn’t take too kindly to those that poked fun at his soulmate and he was surprisingly possessive.
“And what about you, Miya? You sure talk a lot for someone who has yet to share their story.” Sakusa pushed.
Atsumu had known that at one point it was going to swing back around to him, but somehow it still blindsided him. His smile froze in place on his face, the grin almost unnaturally wide. “Ah, well I haven’t actually met mine yet,” he lied easily, repeating the same line he always said whenever someone brought up soulmates. “’Samu has though, I can’t tell ya how disgusting him and Suna are. I got kicked out of our room way too many times in high school.” He paused for a moment, no one else speaking. The atmosphere had shifted. Yikes. “What about you, Sho-kun? You met Kageyama in middle school at a tournament too, right?”
“Oh,” Hinata said, easily shaking off the slightly awkward air that had begun to settle over the table. “Well, you would not believe how annoyed I was when I found out my soulmate was Kageyama! I spent almost an entire semester hating the guy and swearing I’d beat him in high school only to be faced with the fact that we would be on the same team. If things weren’t bad enough I yelled at him as soon as I walked into the gym and messed up his serve. He managed to drop it right onto his head because he was too distracted by suddenly being able to see colour! Man, you should have seen his face–”
Of course, things couldn’t last in equilibrium forever despite what the laws of physics want you to believe and Atsumu’s life was once more thrown into shambles on a rather innocuous Tuesday afternoon.
“You look absolutely ridiculous, why the fuck would you wear a pineapple themed shirt?” Atsumu demanded incredulously staring at the disaster that was Bokuto showing off a shirt that apparently Kuroo Tetsurou, the JVA liaison they dealt with the most, got him.
“Sure is rich from someone who’s hair was piss yellow all throughout high school,” Sakusa cut in, doing his signature pout that he still insisted was a scowl but was fooling absolutely no one.
“Sakusa, you have absolutely no room to talk, you wore bright neon yellow and green in high school. You looked like a miserable highlighter.”
Atsumu thought that his comeback was rather good and he was just patting himself on the back when he realized that the gym had gone silent. He looked around for a moment in confusion, playing back the words he’d said and trying to think of what could have possibly earned that reaction.
“How do you know what my uniform looked like in high school?” Sakusa asked, breaking the silence.
Ah fuck. Well there it was. He can’t believe that he screwed up and revealed his secret by snarking at Sakusa of all people. He really should have seen this coming.
“Ah, yeah. I can see colour,” Atsumu admitted, smiling sheepishly at the rest of the team. He fiddled with the volleyball in his hands, not really wanting to make eye-contact with anyone – especially not Hinata. “I’m sorry I lied, it’s just… I didn’t want to admit it.”
Bokuto frowned, looking puzzled. “Why wouldn’t you want to admit it? Meeting your soulmate is a wondrous thing!”
Atsumu winced, eyes flickering around the room. He remained silent – the rest of the team were beginning to have looks of realization on their faces. At the very least, Meian and Sakusa understood what had happened and why Atsumu didn’t want to admit it.
“Was it–?” Meian trailed off, giving him a pointed but sympathetic look.
Atsumu’s smile waned slightly. “Yeah, I mismatched.”
“But that doesn’t have to be the end of the world!” Bokuto spluttered, “plenty of mismatches work out a good relationship with their soulmates and their soulmate’s soulmates.”
He looked like he was winding up to keep going on about whatever the fuck he thinks he knows about mismatched soulmates. Atsumu really didn’t want to hear about what happily ever after Bokuto was convinced that he could have with his mismatch. It was painfully optimistic and just so him but Atsumu just couldn’t. Not when Hinata was right there.
”I didn’t tell them!”
Everyone froze at Atsumu’s exclamation. This was just spiraling out of control and Atsumu just wanted to be gone. He had never wanted this conversation to happen in the first place, and now he was just spilling everything. Fucking perfect.
“I met the soulmate before I met my mismatch,” he admitted. “And then I was introduced to my mismatch and I knew that I was screwed. They were so perfect together, and if I said anything I would just get in the way,” he hissed, venom beginning to seep into his voice. He’d never let himself get angry about this before – he’d simply wallowed in depression and contented himself with the knowledge that the universe had intended for him to be alone. It was karma for how shitty of a person he turned out to be. He had accepted that, but apparently he hadn’t grieved it enough. Well, now he was angry. “I couldn’t just waltz up to them and demand that they find a way to accommodate me when all I was was some parasite.”
“Tsumu, you know you would not have been a parasite,” Inunaki insisted. “This situation is a bit rarer, but plenty of soulmates welcome a mismatch and they function similar to a polybond. They can make it work.”
“Not this time,” Atsumu said, the fight draining out of him. “They wouldn’t– it wouldn’t work,” he insisted.
Hinata approached him, gently taking the volleyball out of his hands. “I’m sorry that you think that,” he said softly. “It’s a crappy situation, but you won’t be able to know until you tell them. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their soulmate.”
And wasn’t that just the kicker? No one would have him as a soulmate because unless you were gifted with a polybond, then you only got one soulmate. Atsumu could see all colours – nothing was missing. Now, unless some poor schmuck mismatched with him, he’d have to deal with the uncertainty that whoever he managed to fall in love with would eventually leave him when they met their actual soulmates.
He would always be second best.
“You know? It’s pretty fitting,” he joked weakly, pulling his hands away from Hinata and shoving them in the pockets of his shorts. “’Samu always joked about the unlucky person my soulmate would be to end up stuck with me. Now no one is.”
Even Sakusa looked like he pitied Atsumu now. His skin was crawling. They didn’t need to feel sorry for him. This was just how it was. He just had to deal with it.
He plastered on a bright smile, grinning at the team so widely that he closed his eyes. “But it’s alright! At least I know that my soulmate is happy, even if it’s not with me.”
“That’s very noble of you, Atsumu-san,” Meian said.
Atsumu snorted. “I prefer to think of it as realistic.”
Hinata’s eyes lit up and he rushed forwards to take Atsumu’s hands in his own. “Besides, even if you mismatched it doesn’t mean that you can’t find love! Plenty of people never meet their soulmates and they live happy lives with others.”
Atsumu’s smile was a little brittle, but he thinks that he did a good enough job at hiding just how brittle. “I’m sure I’ll settle down at some point. I’m just focusing on myself for now – not quite ready to open myself up to dating yet.” He probably wouldn’t ever be, but that was no one’s business but his own. “And uh… can I ask that you guys keep this to yourself? I still haven’t told ‘Samu.”
Almost simultaneously everyone in the room winced. “You haven’t told your twin brother?” Inunaki asked incredulously. “Man, I won’t say shit. I do not want to have to deal with the chaos that Miya-san will rain down on us when he finds out that we knew before him.”
“Yeah, Miya-san can be scary,” Bokuto agreed, eyes wide.
Atsumu laughed. “Yeah, ‘Samu will be none too please that I kept this from him – both because I didn’t tell him and because he didn’t notice. Then again he does tend to get tunnel vision whenever soulmates are involved; all absorbed in Suna.”
Hinata cocked his head to the side. “Oh?”
“Yeah. Our parents were soulmates… we’ve always been fascinated by them – really believin’ in fate having that perfect person for you.”
And everyone was wincing again. Yeah. That probably wasn’t the best thing to say right after he’d admitted to having a mismatch. Way to go, Atsumu. Just really punching everyone in the gut.
“But it’s fine! Time heals all wounds.”
Hinata squeezed his hands. “It may sound a little callous to say, but when you meet the person you’re mean to be with, soulmate or not, you’ll know. It’ll all be worth it. Kageyama showed me that.”
Damn Shouyou, back at it again with the fucking knife to the heart.
Once again, Atsumu couldn’t find it in himself to even be a little angry. He was all hollowed out now. His smile was as plastic and perfect as it had always been.
“I’m glad that Kageyama’s been good to you.”