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Artwork by the wonderful ari! THANK YOU! See her work : @reylocaltrash
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She journals every night, jotting down her hopes and dreams. Thinking what it will be like when they finally meet. How handsome she hopes he'll be. How kind. How loving. She ends each word dream with "wish you were here."
Years go by. Through her teens. Into her early twenties. Mid twenties. She's filled journals. Daily. Hoping. Still hoping.
"I started a new job today. Perhaps we will cross paths soon. I’ll be working in the city. More people there to meet and see. It's bound to happen any day now. I can feel it! There's so much I want to share with you. Wish you were here."
"Twenty-five years old today. I wonder what you will look like. Will you have nice hair? I saw a bald man today. It looked really nice on him. If you're bald, that's fine with me! Wish you were here."
When she's twenty-six, it happens.
A rush of people press against her, too many people trying to squeeze through the doors of the subway car at once. Rey is finally thrown out onto the platform and is hurried along with the rush of foot traffic to street level.
Her arms are bare because it's hot out. A summer day sweltering as the heat rises off the asphalt. She's in a hurry to get to her appointment. There, during the examination, her doctor asks how her Soulmate is doing.
"What are you talking about?" Rey turns to her with a raised brow.
Dr. Holdo frowns and taps Rey's right shoulder.
Rey looks and sees swirling marks wrapping her deltoid, reaching toward her shoulder blade. She begins to cry. She and her Soulmate must have touched. When? Where? They didn't even know it!
"What does it look like?" Rey sobs to Dr. Holdo.
The good doc takes Rey's cell phone and snaps a picture.
As she wipes the tears from her eyes she can see the extent of the Soulmark. A brilliant blue butterfly, with dark edged wings, surrounded by fine curling vines and perched on a yellow flower. It is the most beautiful thing Rey has ever seen in her life.
That night she writes about it in her journal. But the heartbreak soon sets in. How will she ever find him? They will both have the same Soulmark in the same location. She imagines the same beautiful mark on the shoulder of her Soulmate.
She never saw who could have touched her that day. She was certain that the mark had not been on her shoulder that morning. It's with tears splashing over the ink that she finally writes, "Wish you were here."
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Ben Solo is a healthy guy. So it surprises him when he begins having chest pains. It takes a night of suffering before he calls his doc for an appointment. Holdo's office schedules him for an immediate visit due to the urgent nature of his symptoms.
Dr. Holdo's nurse draws blood. Then tells him to change into one of those terrible backless gowns because the doc wants to run some tests. Echocardio-something-or-others. They really take chest pains seriously.
Dr. Holdo comes in asking all the obligatory health questions. What had he been doing leading up to the pains? What did his stress levels look like? The doc comes at him with a stethoscope next. She moves behind him and shifts the gown to the side. Her gasp startles him.
"What is it?" Ben asks.
"Tell me the details about these chest pains you're having again? There's no pressure or stabbing pain, correct?" she asks instead of answering.
Ben rubs a hand over his heart. "It's more of a hollow ache," he says.
"Like something is missing?" Dr. Holdo asks.
Ben frowns at the question, wondering how that pertains to anything.
She finally pats his right shoulder and says, "Haven't you seen this?"
"Seen what?" he asks.
"Your Soulmark. You finally found your Soulmate."
Ben scrambles to see what she is talking about. He notices, for the first time, there are strange markings over his upper arm, trailing back to his shoulder blade.
"When did this happen? What does it look like? How did I not know?"
"You knew it," Dr. Holdo says, "because your heart is pining for your Soulmate."
She helps him by taking a picture of the Soulmark. Ben gets emotional seeing it for the first time.
"I can't believe this is happening. I don't even know who it is."
Dr. Holdo just smiles. Tells him to get dressed, and she leaves him to wait in the exam room. Ben chews on his fingernails as he waits. She comes back sometime later and gives him a note with a name and a phone number on it.
"Who is Rey?" he asks, strangely apprehensive and desperately hopeful.
Dr. Holdo opens the door for him and gives him a wide smile. "She's the one with the Soulmark that matches yours and she is waiting for your call."
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It is 10:45 on a Wednesday morning. The adamant pain in Ben’s chest urges him to call. To go to her. Go to your Soulmate. Go now. Go now, his heart seems to say.
There is too much to consider in the moment. He needs a shower. He needs to comb his hair. Brush his teeth. Put on a tie? What did one wear to go meet their Soulmate for the first time?
When Dr. Holdo told him the nature of his ailment, a vast amount of emotion crashed through him. He can still feel it churning in his belly. The sweat glands in his armpits are working overtime. The thoughts in his head jumble in a disorganized mess. After so many years, so many doubts and long lost hope, his Soulmate is only a phone call away.
He decides to wait.
He goes home, takes a shower. Stands in front of a fan.
The pain in his chest decides for him. He just can’t wait any longer.
He takes out Dr. Holdo’s note and dials Rey’s number.
He’s clammy all over in an instant. Nerves. Pain. Anticipation.
The accented voice that responds after a few rings surprises him. “I have answered three unknown callers and all were trying to lower my student loan rates, which do not exist. So I really hope this is not that kind of call.”
“Uh, it isn’t,” he reacts with laughter.
“Oh,” she sighs. “Good.”
The emptiness in his heart lessens slightly with just the sound of her voice over the line. “Is this Rey?”
Another shaky exhale. “I could hardly believe what Dr. Holdo was telling me over the phone this morning, that she had found you. Please tell me your name,” she says.
“Benjamin Anakin Solo.” He snorts softly. “I don’t know why I gave you my full name, but there it is in all its strange glory.”
“It’s nice. I like it. Wait, Solo? Like the Senator that just died?”
“I suppose so,” he evades.
“My full name is Rey Kanata. No middle name, though.”
“It feels good to hear you talking to me, but I very much want to meet with you in person,” he says.
“Yes! I want that. As soon as possible. Please.”
It makes him feel less desperate and foolish knowing she wants to meet him just as badly.
“Great. Okay,” he says with some relief. “Um, I don’t know where you would feel comfortable meeting me?”
They set a time and a place. Check to make sure the other has their cell numbers. The call ends.
Ben’s chest hurts again.
But their meeting is only hours away. He tries to remember if he saw a girl he may have touched the day before. He rarely pays attention to others. At forty years old, he has lost the hope of ever finding his mate, but with one careless touch, all that has changed. He’s scared she will be a teenager. What if she isn’t? What if she is? Is she pretty? Does that even matter? So many questions and ideas and ideals crowd his thoughts, but in all honesty, he is just grateful that it has finally happened. Now to actually meet her...
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Rey arrives at the outdoor bistro early. Way early. She finds a shady spot and faces the entrance. She straightens the wrinkles in her sundress. Presses her fingers to the sides of her head, tries her best to calm her beating heart. Orders a glass of ice water.
Wills herself to relax.
Too soon, and honestly, not soon enough, a very tall man comes through the door to the bistro. Black hair threaded through with silver ruffles slightly in the evening breeze. Her first sight of his face gives her a vague outline of his features. Long. Large. Blunt. Heavy brows over dark arresting eyes. His eyes capture hers with their intensity as they meet a few feet away across the terrace. Somehow familiar. Somehow safe. Somehow known.
Rey stands as he reaches her table, mouth open as she stares. This is him. This is her Soulmate.
He is staring too. It's a few moments before he finally speaks. “Are you Rey?”
Such a deep voice. Like a seasoned cello. A velvety voice played through lips so generous she is more than ready to—
She blinks. Concentrates. “Yes. Yes, I’m Rey. You’re Benjamin?” She sticks out her hand. They can shake hands. That’s allowed, right?
“Uh, you can call me Ben.” He automatically brings his hand up to take hers, leaning slightly toward her.
As their fingers meet, the sweetest sensation envelops her and she leans in as well. Their palms merge. A moment of shared touch passes between them. Warm. Comfortable. She is instantly calmed by his presence. She doesn’t stop leaning. She doesn’t stop moving until her forehead is nestled in between his neck and shoulder. “Ben,” she murmurs into the middle of his chest.
His arm comes around her and she feels him sigh into her hair. Their clasped hands are smashed between their bodies. Rey is ready to weep at the rightness of their embrace. She didn’t plan to fall on him like this. She planned to sit and talk and make appropriate conversation like a responsible adult. But this is better. She snuggles deeper, fully aware that he’s basically a stranger, totally unbothered by it.
Instead of ending the hug, Ben pulls her tighter against him. “You don’t know how much I needed this,” he says, “to be held by another. The last few weeks have been difficult.”
She smooths her cheek very gently on his chest. “What happened?” she asks, moving her free arm to wrap around his back. He shivers slightly within her embrace.
“My mother died.” His voice is soft and sad. The velvety quality cracking. Vulnerable. Near tears.
A pang of sorrow rips at her soul. She slides her hand up to the back of his neck, feeling his loss as if it were her own. “I’m so sorry.” Her palm warms just at the base of his skull. His hair is soft on the backs of her fingers. She inches her fingers through the hair at his neckline, meaning only to comfort and connect. “You’re not alone,” she whispers.
He hugs her tight one last time and steps back, guiding her away with big hands at her shoulders. But he does not let go. “This is not a day to be sad,” he says with some effort. “I’m so happy and I want to look at you.”
Rey brushes away a tear running down to the groove beside his mouth. His skin is pale, freckled, and fine lines radiate from the corners of his eyes. He has gray hair at his temples and his black goatee is gilded with strands of silver. His looks are striking and odd. His face is unlike any face she has encountered before. She smiles and decides she likes his face very much.
“You’re so young,” he says with a frown.
“I hope that’s not a problem, my age, your age.”
“The difference is noteworthy. And… and being Soulmates doesn’t mean we have to be,” he gestures with a wide right hand, “romantically involved. Maybe we’re only meant to be good friends.”
She did not like the direction his line of thought is going. “Please don’t decide the fate of our future right this moment. Don’t we deserve a chance? Don’t we deserve time? Please be gentle with us, with this. I’ve been waiting for you so long.”
He gently chafes her hand between both of his large palms. His serious expression relaxes a fraction before he nods. She sits. He angles his long legs to sit comfortably at the small table across from her. A server brings them menus and more water.
“I’ve been trying to figure out how we touched. I was on the subway yesterday morning. Were you there?”
“Yes. It was packed. I can’t believe I was so careless.”
“How do you know it was you? Maybe it was me that wasn’t paying attention,” she says.
He smiles gently at her. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now. But I am grateful for Dr. Holdo.”
“So am I. I had an appointment with her yesterday morning. That’s when she noticed the Soulmark. Is that how you found out?”
He nods. “Dr. Holdo saw it first. I was having chest pains and—”
“Chest pains?” Rey is filled with instant worry. She slides her hand across the table to touch his. His thumb trails over her knuckles before he splices their fingers together, connecting them palm to palm.
His brow crinkles. “She said it was a side effect of our finally touching. When I wasn’t with you, my heart knew it. I didn’t realize why I was hurting, so I went to see the doc.” He glances up again with smiling eyes softly gazing into hers. “Perfectly imperfect timing, right? That we both ended up in the same doctor’s office…”
Rey’s brows come together, thinking of how their story could have turned out so differently. How Ben would still be hurting now if...
“We should name our first child after Dr. Holdo,” Rey says boldly. Then she pulls back. “If you want kids, that is.”
Ben looks like a wild animal suddenly caught in a spotlight. She sees him swallow hard. His jaw falls open. “I…”
She backtracks a little. “Just because we’re Soulmates doesn’t mean we have to move at the speed of light. We can take our time. I’m aware we don’t know each other.”
“No, we don’t know each other. It’s good if we know each other first,” he agrees.
“But we should kiss.”
He nods, trying to hold back a smile. “We should kiss. It would only be the right thing to do,” he says seriously. Then his playful expression falls. “You need to know, Rey. I’m forty years old. I’m not exactly a young man anymore.”
Rey leans forward and makes sure she has Ben’s full attention. “The only thing I can regret about your age is that we didn’t meet sooner. Please understand me, I don’t care about our age difference. It is a non-issue. I only care about how we treat the years we have left together. And from this moment on, let’s never bring it up again, okay?”
Ben stares at her for a while. His chin trembles slightly before he says, “I’d given up hope.” A gust of air leaves his lungs and his eyes fall to their locked hands. “I’d given up thinking there would be someone for me.” His fingers tighten before he smooths her hand out, palm up and drops a quick kiss on it.
Rey is utterly moved and charmed. She dips her head to catch his eyes once again. “I’m here now, if you’ll have me.”
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Ben is already smitten with his beautiful Soulmate.
He holds her hand as they take a sunset walk through the park. He catches tantalizing glimpses of their Soulmark on her bare upper-right arm. He’s desperate to see the whole mark with his own eyes. Trembles at the thought of tracing it with his fingertips. Or his lips.
He’s nervous as their stroll comes to a stop over a quaint wooden bridge. Ducks and drakes scuttle across the pond, diving and grooming. A line of fuzzy golden ducklings trail one vocal hen.
“I don’t want this day to end,” Rey says.
They lean on the rail, side by side, touching from shoulder to hip. Ben snakes his arm around her waist to bring her closer. She’s warmth and light and everything he longs for.
When he looks down at her, she’s already rising up on her toes, turning in his half-embrace, hands landing on his chest. His breath catches as she presses her lips to his. He’s still shocked that she wants him, wants to be with him. It takes a moment for him to respond to the sweet movement of her lips, the wet dash of the tip of her tongue.
He presses in, measures the firmness of her mouth on his. Tastes. Likes. Devours. The kiss runs away with the both of them. Hands go a little wild. His scalp is tingling from the scratch of her nails. His arms are lifting her toward the kiss, holding her tight, feet dangling off the ground.
She’s wonderful. She’s so lovely. He doesn’t want to stop kissing her, but he pulls away to catch his breath, pressing his forehead to hers.
“I love kissing you already.” Soft, so soft, he presses his lips to her, uncaring where they land. “Why are you so beautiful? I’m still trying to believe what my eyes are telling me.”
“Ben, I know I said we didn’t have to move fast… but I’m thinking… and I know I’m going to sound like an Austen novel, but I’m ready to snap you up because I don’t wish to be parted from you from this day forward.”
Ben laughs, feeling free and light and full of renewed hope. “My fears never stood a chance against your unflinching faith, did they?”
She shakes her head, threading fingers into his hair. “Nope. You belong to me and I belong to you. And I’m so glad you’re here.”
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