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Meeting the Leviathan — or at least hearing about them through Shepard since he's the only one that went down into the murky water — had been an eye opener for Kaidan. It makes Kaidan wonder what else is out there that they don't know about, not only in their own galaxy but in other galaxies as well. Or even on Earth. How many creatures are lurking in the deepest depths of the ocean on Earth?
The mission was also a reminder to Kaidan to not let time slip by him or Shepard, to enjoy it while it lasts or else run out of time all together. That was one of the main reasons why Kaidan even confessed to Shepard about his feelings despite the very real possibility of getting heart broken by a rejection. The reminder that Shepard could die again was an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach that has yet to leave him.
Maybe that’s why, with pain pills in one hand and a cup of water in the other, he goes up to Shepard’s cabin where he knows the man retreated to after the mission. He needs to see him, be able to feel him with his hands, and make sure he actually is okay. The tightness in his gut squeezes painfully as he closes in on the door and Kaidan doesn’t even bother knocking, knowing he’s always welcomed now. It’s not until Kaidan strides up to the bed and actually sets eyes on Shepard, lying on his bed with only the glow of the fish tank to light the room, that the knot releases and Kaidan can let out a breath of relief.
Shepard stirs when he hears Kaidan’s approach, twisting a little to peer at him with squinted eyes. Kaidan sits down on the edge of the bed, closest to Shepard and holds out his hand. “Here, these should help a little.” He keeps his voice low as he knows Shepard is probably sensitive to sound right now.
Shepard grunts as he sits up, pressing his back into the backboard of the bed. He takes the painkillers and swallows both at the same time with a gulp of water. When done, he closes his eyes and rests his head back. “Those yours?”
Kaidan chuckles, setting the cup off to the side. “Yeah, so don’t tell Doctor Chakwas.”
One of Shepard’s eyes peaks open, studying him. “Is this how it feels for you?” Kaidan shrugs and Shepard closes his eye again. “God, Kaidan, I don’t know how you can go out and fight with one of these.”
Kaidan places a hand where he knows Shepard’s thigh is under the covers. “I manage somehow. Some days are better than others.”
“And now?”
“Fine. No Banshees to set one off.” He cracks a small smile. “Guess the Reapers decided to play nice with me this time.” He’s lying, of course. Just the stress of worrying about losing Shepard to the watery abyss was enough to cause a dull ache to form behind his eyes, threatening to get worse and turn into a full migraine. He has already taken something for it, though, a precautionary measure. If he’s lucky, it’ll work. If he’s not… well, he’ll be in the same boat Shepard is in now; bed bound and wishing his head didn’t feel like it was about to explode.
Shepard chuckles at Kaidan’s comment and then immediately winces. “Never thought I’d hear those words uttered,” he says softly.
“I know, right? Reapers being nice? It’s a miracle if I’ve ever seen one.” Shepard huffs with laughter, lips curling up into a smile. Kaidan gives his thigh a few pets. “Are you nauseous at all?”
Shepard takes a deep breath before answering. “A little. Any sort of light source makes it worse.”
Kaidan hums in acknowledgement, knowing exactly what Shepard is talking about. “Here, lie down again.” Shepard does as he’s told and Kaidan pulls the blanket back over him, tucking him in.
“Is this also how you wish to be treated when you have a migraine?” Shepard inquires before burying his face into his pillow.
“You don’t have to,” Kaidan mumbles and it’s the truth. He’s been dealing with migraines for many, many years. He knows how to handle them.
“I certainly have a new appreciation for when you are having one and you still come out with me on missions,” Shepard says, voice muffled by the pillow. He groans in obvious pain. “I don’t think I could.”
“Yes, you could,” Kaidan says, going to the other side of the bed and crawling in under the covers after kicking his combat boots off. Maybe if he takes a nap, his own migraine won’t get worse. “I’ve seen you bloody and half dead out on a mission and you still keep going.”
“Somehow this is different.” Shepard turns so he’s now facing Kaidan even though he still has his eyes shut. “More distracting.”
Kaidan shakes his head in amusement. “If you say so.”
Shepard is looking at him now, eyes roaming over Kaidan’s shadowed face. The look is so soft and welcoming, that for a second Kaidan thinks Shepard is finally going to tell him that he loves him, that maybe almost dying by an ancient creature that lives under so much water pressure that it could crush you, has put things into perspective for Shepard too.
Kaidan’s chest tightens in anticipation, his heart rate spiking with excitement.
“I want you to know I really appreciate you, Kaidan,” Shepard says and there’s a small smile showing on his face.
Kaidan ignores the sinking feeling in his chest and reaches out to take Shepard’s hand. He squeezes it, three times, and Shepard’s smile grows a tad bit larger. “You too, Shepard.”
Shepard sighs, closing his eyes, and Kaidan wonders if the painkillers are finally starting to do their job. Soon, he relaxes, still holding onto Kaidan’s hand, and Shepard squeezes four times back. Kaidan scoots closer, kissing Shepard on his forehead, and then finally closes his own eyes, ready to fall asleep next to the person he loves.