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It was the third time Min had gone to Ryan’s door without a response that made him start to really worry. He had just brought a glass of water, since all the other meals he dropped off laid untouched outside the door. He knocked to let Ryan know that he was dropping something off, and paused to listen for any sign of activity. Ryan was typically always doing something, whether it be plucking the strings at his guitar or singing to himself or pacing around the room to find something to do, but Min heard nothing but a depressed sigh from the other side of the door.
He wants to comfort Ryan, to tell him everything was going to be okay, but if he wasn’t taking a glass of water, he wasn’t up for encouragement. At a loss for words Min just says “Have a good night, Ryan,” and goes to bed in his own room.
Everything felt awful about this. Something seemed to snap after the robot came by and Ryan’s number didn’t change, but Min had no idea what. He had seen Ryan get angry and sad before, but never get this fatalistic. Ryan was always persistent about everything, never giving up even when Min felt he should. So why would Ryan’s number bother him so much?
Min rolled over in his bed trying to think. Ryan might still be mad at him for leaving him stranded on stage at the party, or maybe it was all the mean things they said to each other at the art gallery; it made sense for him to be still bitter about those things, but from their conversation in the maze it seemed like he knew better than to be mad at Min for those kinds of things since Ryan was the one who left Min behind in the art gallery without thinking. Maybe it’s just residual anger at Kez for lying, but after the talk about Jeremy he seemed more resigned than anything else. This reaction was from utter hopelessness. Just thinking about Ryan’s bitter laugh and ‘it’s always gotta be something’ before isolating himself made a knot in Min’s stomach. He had no idea what Ryan was thinking of doing, and was terrified to find out. And the worst part was he couldn’t talk to anyone about it.
Unless he did.
Kez was still their friend, even after the Morgan incident proved her to be flighty and air headed at times. Still, Min appreciated her presence and levity when things got too much between him and Ryan. She might be sleeping though, Min thought. After tossing and turning for about ten minutes, Min decided he would check and if she was, he would try to go back to bed. Better than losing sleep worrying, anyway.
He descends down the stone staircase, and quietly pads towards the desk where Kez slept. Her silhouette was perfectly still, and all he could hear was tiny metallic breathing sounds.
“Kez, are you awake?” Min whispered. After a few seconds of silence, he sighed and turned to go back upstairs.
“Oh, hi Min!” Kez responds at a normal volume, sounding perfectly awake.
Min nearly jumped and nearly shouts before stifling himself and harshly whispering, “GAH! You scared me!”
“Ohhhh right, I keep doing that,” She answers, now floating up from her spot and staring at him with her beady eyes. She waits a minute before saying, “I’m gonna get some tea. You want tea?”
“Uhhhh, sure?” Both of them go over to the kitchen and start preparing a pot, and Kez starts to get the tea box from the top shelf when she asks, “So why did you wanna see if I was awake this late?”
“Oh! Nothing I’m just...worried about Ryan,” Min weakly responds as he fills the kettle with water and puts it on the stove.
“You mean the fact that he won’t let us in his room after storming off and not telling us why?” Kez says matter-of-factly as she pushes the box off the shelf, leaving Min to catch it.
“Yeah, Kez, that’s kind of exactly what I’m talking about,” Min grumbles as he fumbles with the tea, getting out a few bags. He sighs “Sorry for snapping, it’s just freaking me out.”
“Heyyyy, it’ll be okay!” Kez responds as she floats down to Min’s eye level. “I mean, you’ve been trying to support him the best you can, and when he’s ready he’ll talk!"
“I know, but he’s just been quiet. Too quiet” Min helps Kez with getting the teacups, getting 4 since she always has 3 cups for some reason. How thirsty does a bell get? He continues, “He’s not acting like himself, even before he stormed off. I tried to cheer him up with that one entry in Jeremy’s diary-”
“The one with the apartment and the bees?”
“Yeah exactly, it’s hilarious! And he was just, cold and empty. Something is definitely going on neither of us really know about.”
“I mean, he doesn’t owe us an explanation-”
“He does when he’s practically starving himself up there!” Min shouts angrily, and a loud screech followed. Startled for a minute, Min realized the kettle had boiled, and sighed before taking it off. “Sorry.”
Silence hung in the air for a minute, and Kez, looking apologetic, says “Come on, let sit down.” Min nods and brings their teacups on a tray as they both head to the fireplace. Min sat down in one of the chairs, holding the warm cup in his hands, and Kez sipped quietly next to him. The scene would have felt nice, the most at-home he felt since coming to stay with Morgan, if not for the anxiety Min had building up.
Finally, Min quietly says, “Kez, what if he can’t pull himself out of this?”
“What, the train? Of course he will!” Kez finishes her first cup before going to the next. “I’ve seen way higher numbers, and if he works through it he’ll get there.”
“No, not just train, I mean whatever’s got him so down. What if he can’t bounce back?”
“What do you mean, can’t bounce back?”
A lump formed in Min’s throat, thinking about all the worst case scenarios. He tried to reason logically that Ryan wouldn’t do anything drastic, but a combination of impulse and hurt is never good. “Please don’t make me say it.”
“Min, that’s not gonna happen.” Kez says immediately, with care in her voice. “If anything did happen Morgan would do everything she can to stop it. I know she was really scary and mean to you guys, but she wouldn’t let someone get hurt.”
“What if something bad still happens? I’ve seen him upset before, but not like this. It’s like he’s a different person.” The feeling of helplessness started to set in, that the person Min grew up with was slowly spiraling and becoming a shell of who he used to be, and there was nothing he could do about it. He chokes out, “It almost feels like he’s gone.” Kez frowns at him, and after a second he just keeps talking because the emotions start to take over.
“It's like, I finally see him again after all this time and he's just going to disappear again. And I’m still really hurt about the art gallery, I am! And I know he said he didn’t mean to leave, but it still stings. And now that he’s cutting himself off from everyone, I feel like I can’t be mad at him because I miss him too and I don't want him to get hurt. I don’t even know how to feel about him! And I’m mad because I want to help him but he won’t let me, why doesn’t he-” He get’s cut off by a metallic clink and a weight on his shoulder. He looks over, seeing Kez perched on his right shoulder like she did at the party. It felt different though, like he was the one getting a hug instead of her. Min let out a deep breath, wiped the tears out of his eyes, and slumped back in his seat. “I’m just...scared.”
“Like you were at the party?” Kez asks.
“What?”
“At the party! When you two were playing music in the bathroom because you got scared to go on stage.”
“I wasn’t-that’s different!” Min stammers, not seeing how this applied to the serious situation at hand. He stopped crying from confusion, but his voice still shook.
“Yeah but like, you were still freaked out, and if Ryan didn’t come in there we would’ve never left that car.”
Min opens his mouth to respond, but then thought about it. He did tell Ryan to leave him alone in the bathroom, but if Ryan listened to him he would’ve just wallowed there for the rest of the night. He wouldn’t have played music in the bathroom. He wouldn’t have remembered why Ryan was his best friend in the first place. “I guess you’re right?”
“So, maybe he’s just like? Also in the bathroom? But like, mentally. And he just needs someone to go in and play music with him?” Kez suggests. She really sucked at metaphors. The weirdest part was that it DID make sense, whether it was Min getting used to the way Kez talked or it wasn't as horrible a metaphor as it was on paper.
“Huh, I mean, that sorta tracks?” Min thought back to when they got chased in the maze, and it was the first time he ever saw Ryan freeze up. Ryan was always the one that came up with all the ideas and didn’t hesitate to try anything, especially that one time he tried to get into that party past that bouncer. Seeing the fear in his face like a deer in the headlights on someone typically so self-assured made Min realize he had to step up and do something. Min had to be there and have his back when Ryan didn't even have his own back.
Ryan’s temper with the whole Kez and Morgan situation seemed easily ignited, though, and Min wasn’t sure Ryan would be any less quick to be mad at him. “But what if he gets more angry?”
“I don’t know, dude, I'm not a people scientist! You never know until you try so like, you may as well try,” Kez groans, sounding like she would face palm if she had palms. “I mean, I tried with Morgan and it didn’t really work, but maybe Ryan will be different.” She said with a hint of melancholy in her voice, and Min realized that both of them were trying not to lose their best friends, and only really had each other in that moment. He wasn’t totally sure what Kez’s relationship with Morgan was like prior to their falling out, but it seemed like she missed her and missed a lot of her passenger friends. Kez was trying to prevent Min from feeling like she did when Morgan lashed out at her. She wanted him and Ryan to be happy, regardless of any mistakes she made in trying to do so.
“I’ll give him until tomorrow afternoon, and then I’ll try to talk,” Min finally answers.
“Sounds good, Min. I’ll be there with you.” She said as she gave a comforting look, which he returned with a wavering smile. It felt nice having someone to talk to instead of suffering alone in bed. The thought of having to go back upstairs and pass by the flies collecting by the food at Ryan's door to then try and sleep sent a pang of sadness through Min, reminding him of all the bad things that could happen. He said he would deal with it tomorrow, so he had to calm down his brain for tonight.
“Kez, is it okay if I sleep down here tonight? I kinda don’t wanna be alone right now.”
“Yeah of course! I love sleepovers,” Kez yawns, and nuzzles into Min’s shoulder. This barely counted as a sleepover, as Min was literally in a chair and will probably get horrible back pain in the morning. Still, it was better company than overthinking.
“Thanks," he says as he closes his eyes. Before falling asleep, he mumbles, "Your a good friend, Kez."
Some silence passed before an equally sleepy voice answers "You too."