Work Text:
Focusing on school was being hard today. It was only Wednesday and he was feeling like crawling out of his skin.
So, May had agreed on having James over to dinner this Friday, and he couldn’t be more excited about it. He couldn’t, really.
He knew how charming that man was when he wanted to be, and how gentle and soft he was when he thought no one was looking.
He had no doubt in his mind about it, James Barnes was a good man all around and there’s no way May wouldn’t see that, right?
And that was the problem.
Cause things were good. He was happy and kind of halfway in love already - maybe a bit more than half, even -, and now he was expecting the other shoe to drop.
He hated it, this foreboding feeling at the pit of his stomach. But he knew their situation was tricky. The damned age gap was a ridiculously big deal that kept coming up repeatedly despite his best efforts to keep it at bay at least, since they’d apparently never agree on how ridiculous that was.
And then there was the other thing making him go through so many sleepless nights: Mr. Captain America.
The Captain wasn’t there anymore, except for how he was present in every aspect of James life.
Like the bike he inherited from the guy.
The black and white pictures on his living room.
The sketchbooks lying around his bedroom, or that little notebook he always kept in his pocket.
The way sometimes his eyes would go distant and so impossibly sad, and he just knew he wasn’t reliving any of the traumatic, fucked-up things he’d gone through in the hands of those creepy bastards of the octopus-skull-thingy-Hydra organization - that had absolutely nothing to do with the mythological creature except for their stupid catchphrase, which made the organization even more bullshit than what they already were.
He was thinking about Captain Rogers.
The way he kept saying to call him Bucky, even though whenever someone did, he would look just a bit heartbroken, every time.
So, it was stupid. He knew when everything first stared that Captain America was a huge part of James life and an integral one to who he was as a person.
And it was fine. Cause they grew up together and fell in love in a time people got arrested and convicted or even sterilized for it. Cause they lived together the best way they could anyways, they served together in WWII too and somehow travelled through time to a strange future and found each other again despite everything, just to be parted again for good.
Captain Rogers was huge, not only as a national symbol, but as a live force on James life.
Their story was epic and heartbreaking and tragic, and true. And sometimes he-...
So, it was stupid. It wasn’t a competition. But he kept waiting for the moment James would just turn around and realise he wasn’t good enough. That he would look at him and understand that he's not what he wants.
That he would never live up to memory of Captain Rogers.
And that thought terrified him.
He said once that something in him reminded he of Steve Rogers.
But he wasn't him. He wasn't nearly as amazing and good and rightful and brave.
He was just, well... Peter.
But then, James looked happy. Peter would always look at him and see his beautiful blue-gray eyes sparkling in amusement, face soft, a little smile on the corner of those lips when he looked back.
They would geek out about things and he would show him new things to geek about, like Star Trek and Star Wars and the Hunger Games books, the Harry Potter books, their respective movies, and internet memes. Which was always priceless to see him react to.
And James would try to show him things, like really old music like Glenn Miller and Ella Fitzgerald, or books like the earlier works of Agatha Christie and George Orwell.
Or some basic self-defence moves, even though his Spidey-sense would work just fine to dodge stuff and he had picked up some fight moves online and the constant practice fighting crime provides may have even helped him created his own moves.
Or the advantages of long phone calls, which was mind-blowing by the way, since his own cell worked basically to text his friends and internet stuff only, and phone calls where a chore, not a choice, till then.
And it was nice.
They'd talk about everything and nothing at all and, sometimes, James would read for him out loud through the phone, all relaxed and peaceful and nice and it would always sound a bit like he was enjoying the experience even more than he did. And God knows how much he enjoyed the man’s voice.
So, it was stupid.
The man was subjecting himself to a cross examination from his aunt May this Friday and he still dared to question his value to him because he simply couldn't stop.
“Hey Penis!”
“Wha-at...?” – he looked around at the Decathlon team, seeing Flash with his hands in the air, looking at him indignantly.
“Wake up, loser! We're practicing here and you're just dead weight! Why is he even on the team, again?” – the brunette turned to the rest of the team, pointing at him like he was something revolting.
“Hey, Peter, the maximum displacement from the equilibrium position of a wave.” – MJ asked without missing a beat, card in hands, turning to him without really losing eye contact with the other boy.
“Uh... Amplitude"
“See, that's why.” – se retorted impassively, responding the sputtering indignance of the brunette with a shrug. – “Now, back to what matters: The apparent magnitude a Star would have if...”
.
“…Ok, now spill.” – she cornered him the moment practice finished, with Ned at her side.
“Wh-, Nothing! What?” – he blurted out before he could take control of his freaking mouth, looking nervously from the inquisitive expression on MJ's face to the confused and worried one on Ned's.
“Flash is an ass, but he wasn't wrong. You pretty much weren’t even here today. So, spill. What's the problem? Do we need to beat someone up?”
“...Me?”
“You want us to beat you up?”
“W-? No!”
“So what's going on Peter? She's right, you know? You're acting weird, man. It's a... work thing?” – asked Ned on a gentle voice, dropping the tone even lower at the last two words.
“No, no, nonono, everything's fine-.”
“So, you're acting all weird and constipated for nothing?”
“Oh wow... Thanks MJ.”
“I'm trying to be here for emotional support, dumbass, you're the one making it difficult, so: spill. If it's not something about your extracurriculars...” – she paused there for emphasis, raising her eyebrows. – “Then what?”
“It’s not-… It’s just stupid.”
“I doubt it can be stupid if it’s making you so sad, man.” – Ned said, sitting beside him and putting a hand on his arm comfortingly.
“It’s just-… I’m seeing someone-…”
“Yeah, he’s wrong. Anything that stars with “I’m seeing someone” it’s bound to be stupid.” – MJ interjected before he could continue, making Ned snort surprisedly and Peter turn to her with an indignant ‘Hey!’. – “Ok, ok, sorry… Carry on with your lame ass relationship drama.”
“Thank you.” – he couldn’t help but snort too. MJ was brutal in a super cool way. He had to respect that. – “So, I’m seeing this guy and he’s older and everyone is making such a fuss about it and his ex was his childhood sweetheart and died tragically and now I’m freaking out ‘cause I can’t get out of my head that I’ll never measure up to his ex or yet that he’ll eventually get tired of being treated like a criminal all over again over something like dating me.”
“Wait, you’re dating an old dude?” – Ned sputtered surprised.
“Wait, what do you mean with ‘again’?” – MJ questioned, frowning. – “You’re dating an ex con?”
“Uh…Not exactly, I don’t think. I mean, he was pardoned.”
“…Man, who is he?”
“Is he one of your superfriends, Peter?”
They asked at the same time, making Peter dry swallow anxiously, since he never asked if it was okay to tell other people about them. – “Uh…”
“Is it Thor?”
“He’d never look twice at Peter - no offense loser - he was hung up on Dr. Foster, remember?”
“Actually, I think they broke up.” – he interjected, scratching his head.
“Well, still out, if your reaction says anything... Besides, you talked about a childhood sweetheart.”
“I don’t remember any of the Avengers having a childhood sweetheart...”
“Well, they’re dead, so… Maybe he just doesn’t like to talk about it.”
“But then-…”
“Okay, okay! You guys can stop!”
“So, who is it, then?”
“James.” – he said exasperatedly, looking at the twin blanc faces of his friend’s faces and groaning to himself. – “Barnes? Sergeant James Barnes?...”
“…You’re kidding”
“You’re dating The Winter Soldier?”
“Well… Yeah.” – he said to Ned, who just stopped with his mouth hanging open in disbelief, before turning to Michelle. – “And no, I’m not kidding. But-, but I didn’t ask if it was ok to talk about it to other people so, please, don’t tell anyone.”
“You’re going out with Bucky Barnes.” – Ned whispered incredulously, looking at Peter as if he was magical.
“But isn’t he, like, a hundred years old or something?” – MJ spoke suspiciously, getting a groan out of him.
“He is not 107! He wasn’t even awake for most part of that time!”
“But he was, like, 27 when he fell, in 1945. And he’s been around since 2014, if the info of the S.H.I.E.L.D.’s data drop is to be believed. So, with the Blip taking away 5 years of this equation, he must be 31 at the least. Probably more since he was repeatedly brainwashed as well as trained as an assassin in the meantime, if the info gathered on his trial is to be believed too.”
“He’s a supersoldier, so he’ll age slower than a regular person would anyways and honestly I don’t care. He could be 107 years old - which he isn’t - and I’d still like him.”
“Man, you scored Bucky Barnes.”
“Yeah, he’s hot, we got that Ned, now stop crushing on, apparently, your best friend’s man.” – she turned back to Ned, unimpressed, before going back to the brunette, eyes tinted with worry. – “You’re sure that’s safe? Is he…like-, he’s solid? Treating you right? Not doing any funny business? Cause you’re too gullible Peter, and I don’t want you to get into a dysfunctional relationship where the power balance is so off.”
“No, no. MJ, he’s fine. Like I said, the age thing is a thing, but not to me. He’s the one who keeps freaking out about it. But we’re dealing. He’ll dine with me and May this Friday and everything. He didn’t want to keep going behind her back, said that if it was serious so it had to be treated seriously.”
“And that’s what you want?”
“Yes.”
“Okay… Just making sure.”
“I know…” – he admitted, tiredly. – “I know it looks bad. But I’m 17! I'm legal and I was the one who took the initiative. I took all the initiatives and he’s all respectful and gentlemanlike and sweet and, still, he's the one people look down on.”
“Yeah, ok. It doesn’t sound as bad as it could.” – she gave it to him. – “Still weird, but… If it’s not, like, sugaring or anything…”
“No-. He’d never-. And anyway, I’d feel kinda dirty, getting money to date someone. Sounds weird.”
“Well, you’re getting on with a grandpa for free.”
“No, not a grandpa. Bucky Barnes.”
“Ned, I’m starting to worry you’ll try to steal Peter’s boyfriend.” – she fired back, rolling her eyes.
“Of course not! It’s just… He’s so cool! He’s a highly trained formerly assassin who has a metal arm and now is a superhero. That’s so cool.”
“Yeah, ok... Putting like that…”
“So, how far did you go?”
“Wai-What?” – he squeaked, taken aback, looking at the eager face of his best friend to the highly amused face of his other best friend, who finally relented and took a seat in front of him.
“Yeah, tell us Peter… You did say you ‘took all the initiatives’ of this relationship…”
“Ugh, you guys are the worst!”
“Don’t act like you weren’t dying to have someone to spill all the tea, we know you. We survived your crush on Liz.”
“And on you, don’t forget that MJ.” – Ned pointed out, making him groan out loud, looking back at him betrayed. – “What? You know she knows!”
“And we all agreed to never talk about it ever again!”
“Oh, yeah… Sorry.”
“That’s ok. If I’d to ever fall in love with someone, I think it would be you, loser. But, not gonna happen, cause I’m just to cool for love.”
“Thought you said you where Aro/Ace.”
“That’s exactly what I said.”
“Yeah, okay guys. I got it: I can’t keep my cool.” – it was his time to roll his eyes at them, turning then to MJ. – “And thank you MJ. It means a lot to me, hear that.”
“Yeahyeahyeah. So, back to the subject… Your ‘initiatives' on this relationship.”
“… I know you guys want me to talk about the sexy stuff - which is weird, by the way -, but I really am feeling like crawling out of my skin, and I know it’s stupid, but…”
“Oh right, we were cornering you to know why you’re acting all pathetic and angsty today, true. But don’t you think you’re off the hook yet, you have some big beans to spill. And, just to point out? Say ‘sexy stuff' in reference to sex sound so lame.”
“You said you were Ace too, why are you so interested on my sex life?”
“Oh, so there is one to talk about...” – MJ smiled triumphantly, crossing her arms. – “And for the record? The fact that no one else really does it for me in real life doesn't mean I can't appreciate the thought of it by myself. I'm not that kind of Ace.”
“Oh...” – he replied like a dumbass, feeling his face go mortifyingly hot and looking at her for a long awkward second before completing stupidly with a: – “Okay...”
“Soo...” – Ned intervened, looking from one to another and back again quickly, cutting the awkward pause short. – “You said something about how he had a childhood sweetheart Peter...”
“Well, obviously that'd be Captain America, in this case.” – MJ snorted humorously, only to pause at the blindsided expression on Ned’s face at it, coupled with the one of shocked disbelief on his own. – “... What? It's kinda obvious...”
“Man, how do you do that?” – he asked all the same, amazed all over again by how awesome his friend was.
“It's not a difficult deduction, and I'm very observant...”
“It's so cool...”
“Yeah, well-...”
“Wait-, he and Captain freaking America were an item?”
“Ugh, yeah! And it's awful-... I mean, to the LGBTQIA+ community would be a great symbol of representation if it wasn't something kept on the downlow and everybody knows Captain Rogers was a great guy and deserves all the respect in the world, but for me particularly it sucks! I mean I'm a 17-year-old nobody! How can I live up to the memory of Captain America?”
“You’re right, you can never live up to that.”
“Ouch. Thanks Ned.”
“… You ever thought maybe he doesn’t want you to? I mean… Why would he want to be with someone who reminded him constantly of the great love he lost? That’s just depressing.”
“… You really think that?” – he turned to her with big hopeful eyes, playing with his sweatshirt’s sleeves nervously. – “Because when I first came on to him, he tried to push me away saying exactly that I reminded him of Cap.”
“Well, you are a goody-goody two shoes too… Maybe he’s just attracted to general niceness...”
“It’s just… I don’t wanna be a rebound, I’know? Especially now that I care for him like I do. I said it didn’t matter why he liked me as long as he did it, but I think is a lie. I want him to like me for me.”
“… You should talk to him.” – Ned putted gently, shaking his arm. – “You can’t keep these feelings inside, or they’ll just grow in the dark corners of your mind and suck away all the happiness. Like a blackhole. And then you’ll end up fucking it all up and losing him anyway.”
“I-…”
“Yeah. Nerd is right. Talk to him.”
“Guys-…”
“Trust us, Peter. Just talk to him.”