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“Should someone go talk to him?” Tali questions, sitting at the table in the Mess Hall. The only ones currently there are her, Garrus, and Kaidan. “He seemed pretty… well, after he talked to Liara I just feel like maybe someone should talk to him too.”
Kaidan watches his coffee, the steam from the liquid reaching his face. “Yeah, you’re right.” He sighs, standing up. “I was trying to give him some time alone but if what you’re saying is true… he might need a shoulder, huh?”
“Now more than ever, probably,” Garrus replies, popping a piece of Turian chocolate into his mouth.
Kaidan walks over to the sink with his mug and dumps his coffee. He didn’t really want it anyway, not right now, at least. He had only gotten it to keep himself busy and give Shepard some space. By the sounds of it, however, maybe that was the wrong choice to make. He says goodbye to his crewmates and walks towards the elevator, taking it to the first floor.
When he knocks on Shepard’s door, there’s no answer and Kaidan tries again, knocking a bit more forcibly by now. Usually he would just walk in. The room has become his just as much as it is Shepard’s nowadays but in this kind of situation, in which he isn’t even entirely sure if Shepard would want to be bothered, it feels wrong to just barge into the room unannounced.
Still, no answer comes, so Kaidan decides he’s at least made his presence known and opens the door, entering slowly. He finds Shepard sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands and covering his face. Kaidan approaches quietly until he’s standing in front of Shepard, close enough to touch. He sits down, the bed dipping and causing Shepard to tilt towards him slightly.
He rests a hand on Shepard’s back. “Shepard?” He gives the Commander’s back a couple of strokes. “You okay? Or well… you’re not going to be okay but are you… okay?” Kaidan cringes at his own words.
Shepard lifts his head, eyeing Kaidan and Kaidan is almost compelled to apologize to him. But Shepard’s eyes aren’t angry or annoyed. They’re just sad and tired, with a hint of amusement at Kaidan’s antics. His eyes wander the entire length of Kaidan’s face and Shepard doesn’t say anything when he eventually leans forward and wraps his arms around Kaidan’s middle. He leans his chin down onto Kaidan’s shoulder, Kaidan pulling him close and into his arms, and feels as Shepard shakes in them.
Small, choked off sobs escape from the Commander’s mouth and Kaidan’s shirt is getting wet where Shepard’s tears roll down his cheeks, but Kaidan doesn’t say anything about it. Shepard would hate Kaidan bringing attention to it so, instead, he buries one of his hands into Shepard’s hair at the back of his head, and uses his other hand to rub at Shepard’s back soothingly, staying quiet. Shepard’s cries fill the room, the only sound there is.
Kaidan isn’t sure how long it lasts, doesn’t really care, but eventually Shepard does stop crying. He doesn’t let go of Kaidan, however. Instead, he sits there, now resting his forehead against Kaidan’s wet shoulder, arms still wrapped around his waist as if Kaidan is currently Shepard’s only lifeline.
And maybe he is, after what devastation that has happened on Thessia, after Earth and Palaven. Maybe Kaidan is the only thing keeping Shepard afloat at this very moment, and though Kaidan is positive that the Commander will bounce right back from this eventually, he is happy to be that rope that Shepard’s got ahold of at the moment. So, he sits there and goes at Shepard’s pace. He doesn’t try to pull away or pull him closer, he doesn’t try to direct Shepard to lie down or get a glass of water, though Shepard probably should rehydrate after crying, and he doesn’t give Shepard any comforting words because he knows that’s the very last thing Shepard would want to hear right now, nor would they work anyway.
They sit there quietly, with Shepard’s face buried in Kaidan’s shoulder and Kaidan massaging the back of his head, for several minutes before Shepard finally pulls away. When he looks at Kaidan, his eyes are puffy and red, still wet with unshed tears that Shepard is trying desperately to not let fall. He sniffles, reaches up, and wipes at his eyes.
Kaidan’s hands have found purchase on Shepard’s waist but he can’t help but lift them to Shepard’s face to help clear it of any more tears. Shepard’s own hands fall away, letting Kaidan take over and he gladly rids Shepard’s face of any moisture there. He then smiles at him, runs his fingers through his hair again, and finally braves speaking into the silence.
“Better?” Kaidan asks in a low voice.
Shepard clears his throat, no doubt it being dry now. “A little,” he answers, giving Kaidan a tiny smile. “Thanks.”
“Hey,” Kaidan swipes his hand one more time over Shepard’s cheek. “That’s what boyfriends are for, right?”
Shepard’s smile grows, not into a full one, but happier nonetheless which relieves Kaidan. “Yeah.”
“Do you want me to go?” Kaidan then asks, looking around the room. He’ll leave if Shepard does truly want to be left alone right now but he suspects he already knows the answer to the question.
Shepard shakes his as Kaidan predicted. “I want you to stay.”
Kaidan leans forward, pressing a light kiss to Shepard’s forehead. “Of course.”
They both scoot back then to lie down on the bed, ignoring the fact that they both are still fully dressed, combat boots and all. Shepard allows Kaidan to wrap him up in his arms again, to pull him closer and bury his nose into Shepard’s hair while Shepard hides his face in Kaidan’s chest. And if Shepard starts crying again and Kaidan holds him through it once more, well, no one else really needs to know.