Chapter Text
Sans still couldn't figure out how Papyrus had managed to convince him.
No, that wasn't totally true. He knew exactly how. He was weak to his brother and couldn't refuse him anything. Papyrus had even managed to get him to go to the gym once. Granted, it only happened once. But still, it happened once.
So all things considered, maybe it actually wasn't that surprising that Sans had accepted to go on a date with his brother's coworker's friend.
He had dressed nicely and arrived early at the restaurant they had agreed to meet at, and he had even made sure to free his schedule for the rest of the afternoon, just in case the date went too well and he wanted to spend more time with the other. He wasn't too optimistic though, being positive wasn't really his forte, but he wasn't one to be outright negative either. And Paps had been so supportive, if he learned later that Sans had made no effort at all to get along with his date, it would break his heart, and disappointing his little brother was the last thing Sans ever wanted to do.
Sans arrived first and waited for the other to arrive next to the entrance of the restaurant. He had obviously never met the other, but he knew enough about his general appearance to be confident in recognizing him, should he come close enough. He had been told Red, that was his name, would most likely wear a dark grey, leather jacket with a deep red sweater. Not really the ideal type of clothing for a hot day of early May, but who was Sans to judge, with his blue jacket? The other also apparently had a golden tooth, a detail that Sans found peculiar enough to remember, even if he didn't feel the need to check all the passersby's mouths to check if there was anything shiny in there. But the one description he had received from Pap that made him confident that he could spot the guy was that he was a skeleton, just like Sans. And heh, since skeleton monsters tended to be thin on the ground, Sans knew he wouldn't have a problem spotting his date in the crowd.
Speaking of the devil...
A solid 40 minutes after Sans had arrived, he noticed Red walking through the crowd, trying to get to the restaurant. Admittedly, it was hard to miss him, with his bulky jacket and his fuffly fur hood, the scowl on his face certainly helping in getting people to part ways so he could get through.
When Sans had heard that Papyrus' coworker Blue, a tiny ball of energy of a skeleton Sans had the pleasure to meet once, had a friend he wanted to introduce to Sans, he had thought it would be someone more... let's say less grumpy looking. This was certainly unexpected.
Still, Sans wanted to be polite, knowing that first impressions were always crucial, so he extended his hand with an easy smile.
"hi, i'm sans. sans the skeleton. nice to meet you."
And then nothing happened. The skeleton didn't move, didn't say anything or reacted in any way to Sans introducing himself. Well, he did react, his crimson eyelights looking Sans up and down slowly before they looked past him into the inside of the restaurant.
"whatever," he just mumbled as he opened the door and entered, not waiting for Sans to follow and of course not keeping the door open for him either. Not that Sans expected him to with that kind of attitude.
Sans shook his head. Maybe the other was having a really bad day, or he didn't sleep well (and stars was Sans familiar with insomnia induced irritability), or he was nervous and uncomfortable when meeting new people. Don't judge, he reminded himself.
A waiter greeted them and lead them to their table, a little thing stuck between two larger tables occupied by a large group of friends on one side, and a big family on the other. Not the most intimate place to have a first date, Sans thought bitterly. Red said nothing and just sat down.
Sans sighed as he sat down on the opposite end of the table, taking the menu and reading it in silence. No point in trying to chit chat when the other was obviously not a fan of having conversations. He quickly picked whatever looked greasy enough for him to enjoy, a simple burger would do, and placed the menu back on the table before turning his gaze back up to take in the skeleton in front of him. He didn't care that he was staring, if the other didn't like it, he could just speak up and say so. And Sans had an excuse anyway, he didn't want to miss the moment the other would be set on what to eat so they could call a waiter and order as quickly as possible. If Sans wasn't going to have a nice time with this dude, at least it'd be short.
Sans was suddenly hit by how negative his thoughts had become, and blushed as he realized that this wasn't at all how he had promised himself to behave. So he sighed again, much more calmly this time and cleared his throat.
"i'm gonna take the burger," Red suddenly spoke up, beating Sans to it.
"h-huh?" Sans could only stammer, what Red had just said not processing.
"the burger. i'm gonna take the burger," the other repeated in a slightly annoyed tone. "what do you want?"
"oh, uh, i- yeah, the burger," Sans cringed at himself. "i mean, i'll take the burger too."
Sans wondered if there was a shovel nearby so he could dig a hole and yeet himself in it, while Red ordered their food.
When Red was done with the waiter, he turned back to face Sans and Sans thought that maybe finally they were going to have a decent conversation. Maybe Red was just the type to get grumpy when he was hungry, and now that he knew food was on its way, he would be more open to chat? But Sans' hopeful smile soon turned upside down when Red fished out his cellphone from the pocket of his jacket, checking it and typing something up. Sans politely waited for him to be done to speak up, thinking that maybe he was just replying to someone's message and that when he'd be done, he'd at least give Sans his attention. But once again, Red didn't seem to stop, so after a solid ten minutes of Red ignoring him to type shit on his phone, Sans had it.
They were going to have a conversation, whether the other wanted to or not!
"so," he began without preamble, "you're a friend of blue, right?"
He managed to stop himself from smirking smugly when him speaking up obviously startled the other. Ha! Sans had promised his brother to try for real during this date, and Red's grumpy attitude wouldn't be enough to deter him.
"yeah," Red replied simply, then falling silent again, but at least he wasn't playing on his phone anymore.
"he told me you two met at his previous work, right?"
"yeah."
"it's nice that you two stayed friends even if he quit, don't you think?"
"sure."
"..."
Well, Red really wasn't making it easy for Sans to try for real...
After the brief silence, Red deemed the 'conversation' over and returned to his phone, typing again. Sans was starting to get actually annoyed by his 'date' 's attitude. Being late, grumpy, awkward, all of that he could excuse because he didn't know Red's history and his level of comfort with first dates. But spending the whole time typing on his phone was something else. Even Sans, who was usually glued to his screen, much to Papyrus' distaste, had had the decency to mute his cellphone before entering the restaurant, so he and Red wouldn't be interrupted by notifications.
Their food arrived, the greasy burgers the only thing worth Red lifting his eyelights up from his phone screen. The waiter brought a side dish of French fries as well that Red and Sans could share, with all the matching condiments. Sans smiled when a big bottle of ketchup was placed next to him, and didn't lose any time in grabbing it after thanking the waiter. He was about to pour a generous amount on his site of the plate of fries when Red startled him.
"oh, you like ketchup?" He asked, the hint of a smile present at the corner of his mouth, barely there but compared to his previous frown, the difference was almost jarring to Sans.
Sans' brain blanked out. Red was asking him a question. He usually wouldn't think about it too much, as he was used to people asking how he could stomach such quantities of the tomato-y condiment, but the question was coming from Red and that alone was enough to make Sans freeze.
"do you want some?" Sans heard himself ask, not knowing what else to say.
"err, no, thanks," Red suddenly seemed as awkward as Sans for having asked in the first place. He took the bottle of mustard and flooded his share of the fries with it. "i prefer mustard."
Sans didn't know what to say to that, so he just squirted some ketchup on his fries and fell silent again.
There was a silent pause between the two, neither knowing what to say or if they should even speak, until Sans realized how ridiculous that was and grabbed his burger to take a huge bite into it, setting Red into motion, who started eating as well.
Well, that was awkward...
Sans distantly thought that maybe this ketchup question was actually an attempt at a conversation, but since Red was now very adamant in keeping his full focus on his fries, he soon let the thought leave him as he just enjoyed his food, if not the company. Besides, his burger was actually nice. Not as good as Grillbz' ones, but very decent.
They kept eating in silence, and Sans couldn't help but think it was an improvement to Red's ignoring him to play on his phone from earlier. He knew it wasn't much better; this was a disaster of a first date and he couldn't deny that. But at least, he felt less uncomfortable with Red just being silent. Maybe he could even try the conversation thingie again?
"the burger is really good," he heard himself say, cringing once again because what the fuck was this conversation starter. Could he really not do better?
"it's fine," Red replied in a monotonous voice, unsurprisingly.
Sans had to pause again, partly to wait and see if Red was going to add anything (he didn't, of course), and partly because he had to wonder if that was really worth it. Obviously the date wasn't going well and they wouldn't go out together again ever, so Sans wondered if it wouldn't just be easier for him to ignore Red too and be rude. It wasn't as if it would impact Sans' life if the other complained.
"Awwwwkward..." Sans heard a hushed voice and following giggles coming from his left, and he glanced in time to see the group of friends on the table next to them quickly turn away and hide their smirks.
He suddenly felt extremely self-conscious and focused back on his burger with navy tinted cheeks. They had probably been observing his and Red's interractions and silently laughed at how awkward the whole thing was, probably judging Sans or even pitying him. He didn't care, he repeated in his mind. He didn't care at all.
He didn't care but that didn't stop his non-existent stomach from forming an uncomfortable knot that robbed Sans of any appetite he had before.
He wanted out and was about to teleport away when he heard Red clear his throat and lifted his face up to find an unreadable expression on the other's face. If Sans didn't know better by now, he would almost think that Red looked guilty and embarrassed.
"blue told me you're studying quantum science?"
Sans had to double check to make sure that he hadn't imagined what had just happened. Red had actually asked him another question, and in a much more intentional fashion than the ketchup one. He didn't quite manage to look curious and interested in the answer though, as his eyelights were still focused on his meal, but Sans could tell he was waiting for a reply.
Had Red finally realized how rude he had been throughout the date, and this was his own way to apologize and start a conversation?
Sans hesitated. He was tempted to word vomit about his studies and passions, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stomach Red ignoring him again. And a tiny part of himself wanted to be petty.
"yeah," he just replied without any further info, as that tiny petty part of him won in the end.
He saw Red's mouth twitch and barely stopped himself from smirking. Serves you right.
But then he sighed because that wasn't nice of him. No matter how much of a jerk Red was, and how he totally deserved Sans' pettiness, it wasn't his style. And he couldn't get the thought of his brother being disappointed in him when Sans would tell him how the date went.
Then again, he honestly didn't want to continue. There was just no point. No matter how hard Red would try to have a conversation from now on, if he even tried at all besides that one question, Sans just wanted to go home. He had the afternoon free after all and he was going to use that to its full potential and nap the day away.
Sans pushed his plate away and got his wallet out, a soft smile finding its way back onto his mouth as he saw the starry pattern on it. Pff, he was ridiculous. He had just gone through the most awkward date in his life, but seeing the pattern on his new wallet was enough to make him smile again. He loved space-themed stuff too much for his own good.
"look," he began, getting serious again. "this isn't working. sorry if i was annoying, i'm just going to pay and go home now."
There, he said it.
He was in the middle of counting his G when Red grabbed his hand and for the first time since they met, he looked straight at him.
"you weren't annoying. the meal's on me."
Sans was frozen in place, his eyesockets wide open while Red kept staring at him. Neither moved for a long moment, long enough to be awkward again and for the patrons on the table next to them to snort again, and this time, Red look away from Sans to glare at them dangerously, effectively shutting them up.
"it's okay, i can pay for my food," Sans mumbled as Red's grip on his hand got loose with his focus shifting.
"i insist," Red said as he took out from the pocket of his jacket enough G to cover for the whole meal.
Sans was about to speak up again and argue that he wasn't about to let Red pay for both of them when the date had been such a disaster, when he thought that arguing about money was honestly the last thing he wanted. He didn't like that Red was paying for his food, but he wanted even less to get into an argument with him right before going back home. So he just dropped the issue.
"ok. thanks," he muttered because despite everything, he was a polite monster.
Then he stood up and left the restaurant without turning back. Once he was outside, he took a quick selfie of his new wallet, thinking he could send the pic later to a friend who would actually know how to appreciate life, before taking a shortcut directly to his room.
He flopped on his bed and closed his eyesockets, hoping to fall asleep.
Except he didn't. He just spent 20 minutes laying on his bed doing nothing and he was still awake so he decided to give up on having a nap and turned to his phone instead, grabbing it and turning the notifications back on, only to find himself bombarded with 200+ messages.
He quickly swiped over Papyrus' texts, asking him how the date went or giving him advice on how to keep a conversation going (ha ha), and reached Mustard's messages.
Mustard was his favorite internet pal. They had 'met' each other through a forum about space, stars and galaxy, and they had very quickly become great friends through their shared love for anything that had to do with outerspace. Sans didn't know Mustard's face, name, or even where he lived, but it didn't matter. He was his best friend, internet or not.
He opened the chat they used daily and quickly read through the messages. It was mostly Mustard complaining about his day. Funny enough, he had also been on a blind date today, just like Sans, and it seemed like his didn't go too well either, given the number of messages Mustard had sent Sans while he was supposed to be on his date. Sans chuckled, maybe his datemate had been as pleasant and nice as Red, in which case Sans couldn't fault Mustard for spending the time on his phone, sending message after message to Sans.
That wasn't very nice to Red, but it didn't matter since Sans and him would obviously never meet again.
Sans finally caught up to the most recent messages and started to reply to Mustard, who was still connected.
Ketchup 🍅
hey bud sorry you had such a bad time on ur date
mine honestly wasnt that good either
Mustard 🌭
ketchup!!! ♥♥♥
wb!
oh?
what happened?
Ketchup 🍅
he was a total jerk
barely said a word i had to do all the convo by myself
Mustard 🌭
fuck what an asshole!
Ketchup 🍅
yeah
i tried to talk about his job, but i didn't know what else to talk about
my friend didn't tell me shit about him before
so i was like 😶
idk what to say
Mustard 🌭
that loser doesn't know what he's missing
you're the most interesting guy i know
fuck him
Ketchup 🍅
aww thank you ♥
Mustard 🌭
you should've talked about space you know so much about it you usually don't know how to shut up about it
XDD
Ketchup 🍅
look who's talking
Mustard 🌭
don't space shame me
Ketchup 🍅
♥
i didn't know how to bring it up you know?
he looked so grumpy, it was so awkward :/
oh speaking of space
i bought a new wallet i wanna show you
Mustard 🌭
👀👀👀
Ketchup 🍅
wait the pic is taking forever to load XDD
(i'mma take a shower bbl)
Sans checked if the pic sent correctly and once it displayed properly on his screen, he put his phone back on his nightstand and got up from his bed to go to the bathroom, hoping that a hot shower could make him forget about this horrible date.
Red took a mustard covered fry and shoved it in his mouth, doing his best to not pay any mind to the glances the people around him were sending him. The group of friends on the table to his right were especially annoying, he could hear them snicker and make hushed comments about how he was an absolute piece of shit.
Of course, he knew he 100% deserved the nasty remarks.
He had been a total asshole to Sans during the date, and he knew that. But it wasn't like he had enjoyed being so rude to Sans, who honestly looked like a very decent guy.
No, Red had consciously self-sabotaged the date. He hadn't wanted it to go well and had done his best to be the worst. He hadn't wanted to have a great time because he already knew, even before joining Sans in front of the restaurant, that he didn't want a second date with him.
Red's heart already belonged to someone else.
Ketchup, his best online friend.
They had been friends for 3 years now, and Red had realized his feelings for the other were more than just friendly about 6 months ago. He kept wanting to confess to Ketchup, but every time he had worked up the courage to do so, he had always chickened out at the last minute. It was harder to confess via messages, he wanted to tell Ketchup in person, but without knowing if his friend wanted to meet irl, he was stuck in this awkward status quo of a situation.
Him being an asshole to Sans on their first date so he was sure not to go on a second one was his twisted way to make sure he wouldn't give Sans any kind of false hope.
He really was messed up, wasn't he?
Of course, it would've been more simple to just ignore Blue's offer to go on a blind date in the first place, but his small and energetic friend was so hopeful in finding a good match for Red, and Red had such a soft spot for him that he simply couldn't refuse. Besides, Blue didn't know Red was already into someone else, so Red would've had to admit to having a crush, and then he would've never heard the end of it until he spilled the beans to his friend.
Red shuddered as he thought about talking about his crush to Blue. That small ball of energy was simply unstoppable, and Red knew Blue would probably find a way to learn everything about Ketchup, maybe his name and address, and then he'd plan a meet-up between Red and Ketchup, and while he would definitely appreciate his effort and finally meet the one he had feelings for, ultimately it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to do it on his own, at his own pace, to properly confess to Ketchup and then ask if he was interested in meeting irl.
Red sighed as he tapped another message on his phone, in the chat he and Ketchup used to talk. His friend had been offline all morning, apparently he was getting ready for a date himself. While Red couldn't stop the pang of jealousy in his chest, he still hoped that his friend had a more successful time with his date.
It really was a shame, though, that Sans dude was actually very cute. White, smooth bones, and an adorable smile. Had he not already been into someone else, Red was sure he could've gone after him. Hard.
Which was why it was even more important for him to make sure he would not get a second date. Ketchup had his heart and that was it. He couldn't be distracted from his goal.
It didn't help when Sans poured so much ketchup on his fries, something that seemed innocent to anyone else but Red, who couldn't help but think how Ketchup would probably do the same, considering his love for the condiment. That was how he got his nickname after all, he loved the stuff so Red jokingly started to call him Ketchup, while Red was teased for his own love for Mustard and got himself a nickname as well. Ketchup and Mustard.
And Red had also noticed Sans' wallet, a simple moon shaped purse that had a galaxy print on it with glittering stars beautifully embroidered on it. He only briefly saw it when Sans tried to pay for his meal, though of course Red wasn't going to let him. He was the reason the date had been such a disaster in the first place, the least he could do was to pay for Sans' food. But it didn't matter how quickly Sans had put it back in his pocket, Red had already imagined Ketchup's reaction to seeing the starry thing, he loved galaxy patterns even more than Red did. Maybe Red should've asked Sans if he could've let him take a picture of his wallet so he could send it to Ketchup later? That would have only added to the awkwardness of the date though...
Red's phone buzzing next to his plate caught his attention, and Red smiled happily when he opened the message notification from Ketchup. His internet pal was apparently taking the time to read the 200+ messages Red had sent him during his date (it was the only thing Red could think of to ignore Sans as gently as possible), which in itself made Red's soul melt. He had just been rambling about how his date wasn't going well, without giving too much details or reasons, nothing too important as long as he appeared busy and uncaring to Sans, the content of the messages didn't matter that much.
Ketchup told him that his date hadn't gone too well either, and Red knew he should've been disappointed for his friend, but he couldn't help but feeling relieved at the news. That meant he still had a chance with Ketchup, right? He chuckled at the language his friend used to describe his datemate. Ketchup was more polite than him in general, so him calling his datemate a 'jerk' meant he must've really fucked up bad.
Heh, too bad for him. He probably didn't deserve Ketchup one bit, if he was such an asshole.
Red relaxed in front of his fries. He hadn't realized how tense he was because of how bad he felt for being rude to Sans. Just reading a few words from Ketchup, and he was already feeling better. Red smiled fondly. He was turning mushy but he didn't care.
His gentle smile soon transformed into a disappointed sigh as Ketchup told him he was going to be away for a bit as he was taking a shower. Red knew how ridiculous he sounded, but he didn't want to stop talking so soon after Ketchup had logged in. Thankfully, his friend sent him a pic he could take a look at while he was away showering.
Red shoved another fry in his mouth while the picure loaded, only to choke when it finally appeared on his screen.
It was the same wallet as Sans. Same shape, same color and pattern, and Red even recognized the little embroidered stars all around the zipper. He couldn't be mistaken, he had literally just seen the real thing.
Not only that, but he could swear he recognized the blue jacket Ketchup was wearing on the pic. And he might have cropped out his face from the picture, Red could still see skeletal phalanges peek out from the sleeves, holding the wallet.
He could even make out some part of the background, the more than familiar frontage of the restaurant he was currently in, a bit blurry, sure, but obviously recognizeable.
Hell, he could see himself through the windows, hunched over his damn mustard covered fries.
Red's brain blanked.
His mind was too empty to wonder how it was possible that Ketchup had the same wallet, same blue jacket, same skeletal hands as Sans, and had eaten in the exact same restaurant as him.
There was no way for Red to make a mistake about what this meant.
Ketchup was Sans.
And Red had fucked up.