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I can’t actually sit here and say I don’t regret it. I do, more than I can ever say. I could have had her if I just had the courage to say something, to tell her that my heart only beats for her. It wasn’t always like this, but day by day, year by year her grasp on my heart tightened until it was hers utterly and completely.
It’s hard being her friend now, but I wouldn’t know what to do if I couldn’t keep her at least in this one small way I still got to hear her laugh, see her smile, and keep her in my eyes even if I can’t hold her the way I want, or kiss her the way I have fantasized about for what seems like forever.
After all today is her wedding day, the day that I as her best friend should be encouraging her, congratulating her, smiling for her. But I couldn’t not really not honestly. So as she was down the hall slipping into her overly expensive white gown, all our female friends in there helping her get ready, I will sit here on the ground, my head in my hands, fighting the urge to scream and cry.
I should have told her, there were so many chances. We had a few moments where I could have just closed the distance between us and caught her lips to mine. So many times I held her in my arms and she was blushing her heart pounding so fast and so loud in my ears matching the pace of mine. I always chickened out though, I was a coward. Afraid of rejection of losing her.
I heard the door creek open and I looked up, still fighting my tears but I knew the person coming in knew, knew I was in love with our mutual friend and knew I was beating myself up over letting her slip through my hands.
“Just tell her man, she isn’t married yet.” He said, running his hand through his dark black hair, and looking at me with all the sympathy he could muster for a rival.
“I….I can’t,” I paused. “She’s happy now, she loves him, not me.”
“Are you blind, she’s been in love with you for years.” He shook his head. “You two are soulmates, you are just too stubborn to admit it at least to each other.” Gray said with a small laugh at my expense.
I shrugged. It was too late. She met him almost a year ago, they moved fast. He had money, unlike me. He was smart, again unlike me. He could take care of her, unlike me. I watched from a distance as she and him got closer. He was an independent wizard, he could take care of her, keep her out of danger. He could give her everything I couldn’t. I was overly jealous of him. I had dark thoughts of making him disappear, of hurting him, but I know that would just hurt her and I didn’t have the heart to do that. His name was Ayden and I hated him.
I stood up, took a deep breath and shook my head. I needed to pull myself together. Lucy had asked us to stand on her side, she was breaking tradition of having a bunch of bridesmaids and wanted her team to stand on her side. Master was going to give her away. I knew he was the closest thing she had to a dad at this point, and I knew he was so proud and happy when she asked him to do it.
“We have a wedding to get to.” I said through my pain to Gray who simply sighed in response.
We left the little dressing room together, only to be stopped by Erza who was wearing a long blue gown that all the other bridesmaids had on. “Lucy requested you in her dressing room Natsu.”
I looked at her and took a deep breath. This was it, either I could fake it like the best actor Fiore or I would completely break down in front of her and spill my guts ruining her day.
“Okay…” I said hesitantly.
Gray put his hand on my shoulder and Erza just looked at me with the most sympathetic look I have ever seen on her face. Was I that obvious, how did they all know for so long how I felt when I was just coming to terms with it over the last few years. I was head over heels in love with my blonde partner, so much that I knew without a doubt that I would die for her, even now, even as I was losing her.
I walked past Erza with my best face on and knocked on the small door at the end of the hall. I heard her sweet voice, beckon me to enter and so I turned the knob and slowly entered the room, closing the door behind me. There she stood in front of a full length mirror, her back to me still.
I just looked at her, she looked like a goddess. Her long white gown flowed around her body, her golden hair down in ringlets and covered in a sheer vail accompanied with a silver and diamond tiara. She turned quickly and looked at me and my breath caught in my throat. How I wish she was dressed this way to meet me at the end of that aisle.
“Lucy,” I started not sure what I wanted to say.
I stood across the room from the woman of my dreams and was just speechless.
“Natsu I'm scared…” she stated bluntly, “Scared that I am making a huge mistake. In my heart it feels wrong…so wrong.”
I felt my heart beat start to quicken as she took a few steps in my direction.
“What do you mean?” I asked quietly, so quiet I didn’t know if she would even hear me.
“This wedding, Ayden, all of it, it feels so wrong to me.” She shook her head and I could smell the salt in the air, I could smell her tears.
Instinct took over and I closed the distance between us, wrapping her in my arms. She sobbed into my chest. This was my chance, right now, I couldn’t waste it.
“It feels wrong to me too.” I said.
I heard her gasp, and she pulled away ever so slightly to look at me. Her brown eyes penetrated my soul, and that was it, my walls were down. I knew I was about to pour my heart out to her.
“Lucy please don’t marry him, please don’t do this to me.”
I knew my face was probably redder than Erza’s hair at that moment, but I couldn’t lose her. I refused to let anyone defeat me.
“I…” I paused and took a deep breath. “I fucking love you ok?”
Her tears were flowing freely now. “Why are you just telling me this now?” She pushed away from me and shook her head. “Now after all these years. I have loved you since the beginning! Every time I thought you may have felt the same way you did something that made me think I was just imagining it, like you couldn’t think of me as anything besides a friend.”
“I’m sorry, I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of losing you. I don’t fit your bill Lucy, I am not prince charming. I am so dumb and reckless, You always get so mad at me...you have told me over and over how immature I am…I thought if I told you that it would make it awkward. I didn’t want to lose my best friend.” I said back to her, and then I felt the tears on my face.
I was beyond embarrassed, here I was, big scary fire dragon slayer, crying like I was a kid, like I was nothing.
“Natsu you will never lose me.” She smiled through her tears. “I love you, you big dummy.”
At that moment my body took over. I once again went to her, wrapped her in my arms and put my lips against hers. I felt some sort of high as I felt her arms wrap around my neck and deepen the kiss. It was everything I imagined it would be plus some. As we pulled away out of breath. I smiled down at her and she smiled back.
“What do we do now?” she asked a nervous giggle following her question.
I shook my head. “Let Ayden down gently?” I asked.
“Ugh it's gonna be a long day.” She stated. “And all the food and decorations...all the money wasted.
I smiled, I didn’t care, I doubt the rest of the guild would either, but then I had a brilliant idea.
“Who said it would have to be wasted?” I asked.
She looked at me and tilted her head in question.
I was still on my high from finally feeling her lips on mine and I took her hands in mine.
“Lucy, will you marry me?”
She gasped again. “But, we just only told each other how we felt.”
“I don’t care, I know that you are who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have known for over a year now. You are my one, and I have a good feeling that you feel the same way. I know we haven’t dated really but we have been on all these jobs together, we are always with each other, I can’t live without you Lucy, I don’t want to.” I was happy to get it all out in the open.
“What will our friends say?” She asked.
“We would say it’s about damn time.” Gray said in an almost exhausted tone.
I looked over to see Gray, Erza and Happy in the doorway. Lucy smiled and laughed light heartedly. I turned back to her and awaited her answer.
“Well in that case it looks like we are having a wedding today after all.”
I felt my heart surge and I knew that today was going to be the happiest moment of my life at least until Lucy would tell me we were going to be having a baby, that might just top this.
“Who is going to tell Ayden?” Gray asked as Erza got a devious grin on her face.
“I never did like that man.” She stated as she bolted down to let him down “Gently”