Work Text:
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
TG: im outside ur class when its done!
TG: this is roxy btw
TG: oh haha there you are i can just talk to you
TG: but now you have my chumhandle ur welcome
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
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--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
TG: karkat!
TG: did you pass your math final are you done are you free from the numbers
CG: YES. FUCKING FINALLY! AND DAVE PASSED TOO. HE GOT A BETTER SCORE THAN ME AND WON'T SHUT THE FUCK ABOUT IT.
TG: ya hes like that lol
CG: THANKS FOR YOUR HELP I HONESTLY THINK I'D BE TAKING THIS CLASS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IF YOU HADN'T TUTORED US BOTH.
TG: naw im sure you would have figured it out
TG: or dave would have suddenly been able to do it just because you needed help lol
TG: he is fine at math did you know that he just thinks hes bad at it
TG: you gotta trick him into it but he can totally do it if its not in class
CG: I FIGURED THAT OUT, YES.
TG: anywhore are we still gonna be friends noq
TG: *now
CG: HUH?
TG: me and you are we still gonna be friends
TG: like obvs you and dave are in this for the long haul bonded 5lyfe but youre fun to hang out with even when youre shouting about how much you hate numbers lol
CG: OH.
CG: UH YEAH SURE. THAT WOULD BE KIND OF SHITTY TO JUST USE YOU FOR TUTORING AND THEN FUCK OFF, WOULDN'T IT?
TG: i mean im p sure people do that with tutors all the time but also u owe me another game of mario party
CG: I WON FAIR AND SQUARE BUT I WILL ENJOY KICKING YOUR ASS AGAIN IF YOU INSIST ON A REMATCH!
TG: oh hells yes see you later then
CG: WAY TO ASSUME I'M COMING OVER TODAY.
TG: you are tho arent you
CG: YES. SO FUCKING GET READY TO LOSE HARDER THAN YOU'VE EVER LOST BEFORE. YOU'RE GOING TO WISH YOU'D NEVER HEARD OF MARIO PARTY WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU.
TG: oh shit thats some big talk there
TG: ill make sure davie is prepared in the likely event that i absolutly murder you
TG: bc im gonna
TG: bc im so good at the mario parties
CG: KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. YOU AND YOUR ATROCIOUS SKILLS ARE GOING TO BE SORRY WHEN I BEAT YOU ONCE AGAIN.
TG: lmao youre hilarious
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
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--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
TG: karkat my beloved
TG: what is the mortal of the devil wears prada
TG: *moral i dont think any of them is mortal lmao
CG: THAT MEN ARE THE PROBLEM BECAUSE THAT ENDING WAS BULLSHIT. FUCK HER BOYFRIEND AND NOT IN THE GOOD WAY.
TG: thnk you! i knew i was right thsi girl in daves film class can suck it
TG: *thank *this *shoulda said suck tit what a great typo
CG: YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME. TELL HER SHE'S WRONG.
TG: oh im gonna
TG: im gonna win this argument just you wait
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
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--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
CG: WHAT DO YOU NORMALLY DO WHEN DAVE IS SICK? I CAN'T TELL IF HE IS ACTUALLY FEELING THAT BAD OR IF HE'S JUST BEING A BIG BABY.
TG: hes bein a big baby lol
TG: are you at the hose takin care of him thats adorbs
TG: *house
CG: IT IS NOT "ADORBS". HE MADE IT SOUND LIKE HE WAS EXTREMELY SICK AND HE'S ALL ALONE BECAUSE YOUR MOM IS OUT OF TOWN AND YOU DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE AND DIRK IS DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT OVER AT EQUIUS' PLACE.
TG: is he not super sick lol
CG: I MEAN HE IS PRETTY SICK YES BUT HE MADE IT SOUND WAY WORSE!
TG: it might feel way worse did u ever think of that huh
CG: WHATEVER JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
TG: give him gentle forhead kisses and some apple juice and tell him to go the fuck to sleep
CG: I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE JOKING OR NOT.
TG: i am stone cold karkat u gotta
TG: thats what he needs to heal from what ales him
TG: wait or is it ails ales is beer right
CG: IT'S AILS. ALES IS BEER.
CG: WHAT ABOUT UH. SOUP DOES HE LIKE SOUP.
TG: ofc he likes soup
TG: what do u think this is
TG: theres cans of this weird potato and pepper one he likes in the panrty do that
TG: *pantry
CG: YEAH ALRIGHT. THANKS.
TG: no thank you karkat
TG: so glad to kno my baby brother is in safe hands
TG: be generous with the forehead kisses btw
CG: YOU ARE SO WEIRD. TALK TO YOU LATER.
TG: lol k bye
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
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--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
TG: lol where the fuck are u
CG: OUTSIDE THE NIGHT CLUB YOU DRAGGED US TO BECAUSE IT'S CLOSING AND THEY WANT US ALL FUCKING OUT BUT YOU ARE NOT OUT! WHERE'D YOU GO?
TG: oh lol im in the bathroom dont worry bout it
CG: WHY ARE YOU IN THE BATHROOM WHEN THE CLUB IS CLOSED?
TG: i still got two minutes its ok
CG: HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR THE PAST HOUR BECAUSE THAT IS HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN SINCE WE'VE SEEN YOU!
TG: oh ya haha got to talkin to people you know how it is
TG: their skirt is super cute and youre like omg cute skirt and then one thing leads to another and ur sittin on the counter givin out relationshp advice to everyone whowaslk in
TG: *relationship *who walks in
CG: I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR TYPOS UGH. I LITERALLY DO NOT KNOW HOW IT IS BECAUSE I'VE NEVER DONE THAT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE BUT I'LL TRUST YOU ON IT. JUST GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE. I'M SURE ANYONE WHO DIDN'T GET THEIR ADVICE CAN FIND YOU ONLINE AND ASK FOR IT LATER.
TG: im in the groove tho lol theres security
CG: OH MY GOD GET DOWN HERE.
TG: comin comin cool ur titties bb
CG: THEY WILL BE COOLED WHEN YOU AND DAVE ARE BOTH IN THE FUCKING CAR AND WE ARE GOING HOME.
TG: wait wheres dave
CG: REFUSING TO GET IN THE FUCKING CAR.
CG: BECAUSE THE NIGHT AIR IS FREE AND SO IS HE.
TG: aw thats beautiful bless his little drunken soul
CG: JUST GET. OUT. HERE.
TG: i am lol i see you
TG: im watchin
TG: how did dave get on top of the car
CG: IF YOU GET OVER HERE I'LL TELL YOU.
TG: oh shit lmao ok
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
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--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
TG: are u and dave fightin or something
TG: you dont gotta tell me why just wonderin
CG: NO? I DON'T THINK SO?
TG: oh ok hmmmmmmmm
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HMMMMM? IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
TG: idk hes been mopin around all day and dirk said he was mopin last night too
TG: and ur not here so thought maybe you guys had a fight
CG: UNLESS I BANGED MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL IN DESPAIR AND GOT AMNESIA, I'M PRETTY SURE WE DID NOT FIGHT.
TG: if u fought would u really bang ur head against a wall in despair
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA. PROBABLY. I'M A FUCKING IDIOT.
TG: now now we only have pos self talk in this household
CG: WELL I'M NOT IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD.
TG: the metaphorical household
TG: which btw you are part of 5ever duh
TG: mom has pix of you on the mantle and everythin
TG: kinda think youre her fav but i cant even be jelly bc lets be real you are great karkat its you the greatest congrats
CG: YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY NEEDS TO GET THEIR HEADS CHECKED.
TG: i mean probs lmao wed keep therapists sittin fuckin pretty for life if we all actually stuck with the therapies
TG: not the point tho
CG: DAVE HASN'T TEXTED ME ALL DAY SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS WRONG IF THAT'S WHAT YOUR ACTUAL POINT IS.
TG: hold on ill ask him if he wants you to come over
CG: I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO PRETEND THAT'S PRESUMPTUOUS OF YOU BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO TEXT HIM AND ASK HIM IF HE WANTS ME TO COME OVER. SO.
TG: haha ofc bc ur a good bf!
TG: he always wants you to come over btw you two should just move in together
TG: his room is a nightmare dont judge
CG: BECAUSE I'M TOTALLY GOING TO GO OVER THERE TO CHECK UP ON HIM WHEN HE'S CLEARLY UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING AND IMMEDIATELY START IN ON HOW MESSY HIS FUCKING ROOM IS. WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?
TG: lmao good point
TG: #confirmed you are good to come over
CG: OKAY GOOD BECAUSE I'M ALREADY IN MY CAR.
TG: of course of course see you!
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
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--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
CG: ARE YOU HOME?
TG: ya
TG: why
CG: BECAUSE DAVE DECIDED WE NEEDED TO DRIVE TO SYRACUSE TO SEE A FUCKING CONCERT LAST MINUTE AND NOW WE'RE TRYING TO GO BACK HOME AND HIS FUCKING SHITTY ASS CAR BROKE DOWN.
CG: WHY DOES HE HAVE SUCH A SHITTY CAR I'M PRETTY SURE HE CAN AFFORD A BETTER ONE.
TG: you mean our mom can afford a better one lol
CG: WHATEVER. NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS EVEN THOUGH WE ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING UNLUCKY AND HIS CAR BROKE DOWN AT 3 IN THE GODDAMNED MORNING, WE'RE ONLY 15 MINUTES AWAY FROM YOUR PLACE.
TG: the car breakdown gods were smilin on you
TG: arent you both super glad i moved an hour away huh now i am conveniently halfway between home and syracuse fro when dave decides he needs to go there out of the blue apparently
TG: aslo dave has the triple A
TG: AAA
TG: for the cars
TG: *also
CG: JESUS H CHRIST. HE FAILED TO MENTION THAT!
TG: is he freakin out
CG: HE'S FREAKING OUT.
TG: my poor sweet bb
TG: ok ill be there soon pilfer his wallet he should have a card you guys can have the car towed here ok
CG: OKAY. GOOD. YOU'RE OKAY TO DRIVE?
TG: ya why wouldnt i be its like 3am on a wednesday lol
TG: dont you two have class in the morning
CG: YES.
CG: YES WE DO.
CG: AND THAT IS NOT FUCKING HAPPENING!
TG: shhhhhhhh your tits calm them ill be there soon ok
TG: you can miss one class youll come rest your silly heads at my place and ill make pancakes itll be great
CG: OKAY. SOUNDS GOOD.
CG: THANKS.
TG: np np
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
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--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
TG: hey kittykat
CG: HI ROXY.
TG: lol no arguments for once what is up where is the real karkat
CG: KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW.
TG: ooooooo doin what ;)
CG: DEALING WITH YOUR FUCKING BROTHER, THAT'S WHAT.
CG: AND NOT IN A WAY THAT REQUIRES ANY MORE OF YOUR ASANINE WINKING!
TG: oh no do i have to talk to him is he not treatin you right
TG: i know hes my brother and i would kill for him but if hes being a douche i will send him some very strongly worded messages
CG: HE'S NOT BEING A DOUCHE. WELL, ANY MORE THAN USUAL. HE JUST CAN'T HANDLE ACTUALLY GOOD WEED, APPARENTLY.
CG: HE INSISTED HE'S DONE IT BEFORE BUT CLEARLY IT WAS ALL BULLSHIT! WHOEVER YOU WERE ALL BUYING DRUGS FROM COULD HANDLE THE HARDER SHIT BUT GET WEED THAT'S NOT LOW QUALITY GARBAGE? CAN'T HANDLE THAT!
TG: oh no
CG: YES, OH NO.
TG: hes a liar hes never smoked the devils lettuce before lmao
CG: OH MY GOD.
TG: he did half an edible once and immediately fell asleep
TG: drooled everywhere terezi had to drag his ass home
TG: was hilarious
CG: HE IS VERY MUCH AWAKE.
CG: WHAT DID YOU NEED, ANYWAY? OR ARE YOU JUST PESTERING ME AT 1AM FOR NO REASON.
TG: oh i just wanted to see if dave was with you because he was sending nonsense and then stopped responding
CG: WHAT NONSENSE? HE ALWAYS SENDS NONSENSE.
TG: oh man like whacky ass shit its kind of hilarious kind of sweet kind of weird
CG: WHAT DID HE SAY?
TG: i cant just go spillin his secrets like that
CG: IS HE SAYING SHIT ABOUT ME? THAT'S WHY YOU WON'T TELL ME, ISN'T IT. WHAT'S HE SAYING?
TG: all good things lol
TG: whats he doing over there
CG: CURRENTLY HE IS LAYING ON THE FLOOR AND REFUSING TO GET HIS FACE OUT OF MY FUCKING ELBOW.
TG: omg what
TG: out of your elbow what
CG: I DON'T KNOW! HE'S GOT HIS FUCKING FACE PRESSED UP AGAINST THE INSIDE OF MY ELBOW!
TG: oh my god that is amazing send me a picture.
CG: UGH FINE.
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] whyishelikethis.jpg--
TG: ahahapoeigjergjg why is he so blurry omg
CG: HE WON'T STOP WIGGLING AROUND!
TG: that position makes way more sense than what i was imagining btw
TG: him layin on your tummy with your stolen elbow much more comfortable than laying sideways on the floor
CG: IT'S DECIDEDLY NOT AS COMFORTABLE FOR ME. I HAVE TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND.
TG: arent you used to that lol
CG: WOW.
CG: WOW I THINK THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER NOW.
TG: noooooooo ahahaha im sorry
CG: HE KEEPS MUMBLING ABOUT RING POPS WHY RING POPS? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY ABSOLUTELY INANE AND NONSENSICAL THINGS RHYME WITH "RING POP"? BECAUSE I DO!
TG: oh holy shit the ring pops
TG: karkat you are killin me tell dave hes killin me
CG: HE SAYS THAT HE WOULD NEVER KILL YOU AND HE'S VERY SAD YOU WOULD THINK HE'D DO SUCH A THING.
TG: fuck why is he so hilarious
TG: tell him i love him and i know hed never do such a mean thing
CG: HE LOVES YOU TOO.
TG: now tell him you love him
CG: WE'VE ALREADY COVERED THAT ONE. MANY TIMES. EVERY THREE SECONDS HONESTLY.
TG: lmaop he loves you so much you dont even know
CG: I KIND OF THINK I DO!
TG: but do you really bc he is texting me again and idk if you know
CG: IS THAT WHAT HE'S SAYING?
TG: how does he know that you rly know karkitty how does he know that you rly understand the weight of his love
CG: I CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND THE WEIGHT OF HIM LAYING ON MY RIBS.
TG: oh its more than that tho
CG: OH MY GOD HE'S CRYING NOW WHAT ARE YOU TWO TEXTING ABOUT?!
TG: aha;ogeirgjerjag;ogj omg omg omg
TG: dave no omg
TG: it was too powerful for him he cant handle it
CG: CAN'T HANDLE WHAT?
TG: all that love silly
TG: too much too beautiful
TG: better go give him some smooches
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum!--
TG: gonna just assume
TG: haha ass
TG: that you are givin him those smooches
TG: have a good night boys <3
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--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
CG: I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOUR BROTHER PROPOSED TO ME WITH A RINGPOP WHILE HE WAS HIGH OFF HIS ASS.
TG: r;oiaewrfho;earigerigjergoijrg
TG: er;aogjro;igej
TG: !!!
TG: KARKAT omg
CG: I KNOW! WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!
TG: did u say yes
CG: I SAID HE CAN ASK ME WHEN HE'S SOBER AND THAT I'D THINK ABOUT IT!
TG: ok but its morning did he ask again
CG: YES.
TG: and you said
CG: YES.
TG: v;oiergho;irgh;ioge
TG: im so excited omg
TG: id say welcome to the fam but lbr youve been part of the fam since forever
TG: hes gonna get an actual ring right
CG: APPARENTLY!
CG: HE ALREADY HAD ONE!
CG: AND IT'S AT THE HOUSE AND HE COULDN'T FUCKING WAIT BECAUSE. AGAIN. HE WAS HIGH OFF HIS ASS!
TG: i love him so much holy shit i have to tell him that i love him so much rn
CG: IS THAT WHAT HE WAS TEXTING YOU ABOUT LAST NIGHT? YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN ME A WARNING BECAUSE HOLY SHIT.
TG: tbfh i told him to wait
CG: WELL HE DIDN'T.
TG: ofc not
TG: haha hes mad you told me bf he did
CG: WELL TOO FUCKING BAD.
TG: arent you lit right next to him why are you tellin me too fuckin bad
CG: BECAUSE.
TG: oh ok because ya good got it
CG: I DON'T KNOW! I'M TIRED WE'VE LITERALLY BEEN UP ALL NIGHT.
TG: ooooo doin what
CG: LAYING ON THE FLOOR AND CRYING ABOUT MY ELBOW OR SOME SHIT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL HE WAS DOING.
TG: even tho you were right there lol
CG: OH SHUT UP.
TG: ahahaha ok well congrats you crazy kids ill see you at the house
CG: YOU LIVE OVER AN HOUR AWAY FROM THE HOUSE.
TG: and youre at your dorm almost an hour away and not at all ready to face the day so im ttly gonna beat you to it
CG: YOU'VE GOT A POINT THERE.
TG: ya ive always got a point
CG: YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT ALWAYS HAVE A POINT BUT YOU GOT LUCKY THIS TIME.
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--