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She wanted to be angry.
Theoretically, she had every right to be.
But, right now, standing at his grave, she felt nothing but sadness.
Pure, heart wrenching sadness.
Uncle Kaz had raised her since the age of 9, when she had just lost her mother and he had lost everyone else in his life on the same night. She thought that with him there, she would be fine. With Uncle Kaz there, nothing could touch her. And if it did, there’d be hell to pay.
That’s what she thought. That’s what just happened. But now, with her son safely in her arms and Yuta standing by her side, it all felt too unreal.
He had died protecting her. He had died making sure she could live. Uncle Kaz was the only constant she had in her life, and now he was taken from her.
It left a bitter taste in her mouth. It was moments like these that she hated the sound of her own name.
Haruka vaguely recollected a conversation she and Uncle Kaz had in the distant past. She wasn’t sure why it had seemed so important then, but now she did.
“Haruka,” Uncle Kaz had said. They were sitting on the beach, watching the other Morning Glory kids run around in the water and the sand. She had already rejected his offer to go play with the others, stating she was much more content sitting here with him. “You know I’ll always be here for you, right?”
She looked at him, confused. She was only twelve at the time, unaware of the years ahead and what they would do to her. “Of course, Uncle Kaz. I know that.”
He nodded, an emotion clouding his eyes that she couldn’t quite understand. He looked… contemplative, as if he wasn’t sure he should continue this conversation. Uncle Kaz rubbed his hand over his face, sucking in a breath before letting it out. His eyes were trained on the sand.
“Haruka, I’ll stay here with you for as long as you need me. Okay? And… And if one day, you don’t anymore—“
“Uncle Kaz!” Haruka gasped. She punched him as hard as any twelve year old could (and even then, Uncle Kaz was stronger than most adults, so he probably didn’t even feel it) before sending him the sharpest glare she could muster. “Don’t say that! I’m always gonna need you! Who’s supposed to take care of me if you’re gone? Who- Who’s supposed to be there during all the adult stuff, like getting married?”
Uncle Kaz stared at her, shocked, before he gave her a soft smile. “Of course, Haruka. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure I can be there for those moments. But, if there’s ever a day I’m not, I want you to know I still care about you. I… I might not be there in person, but I’ll always be there in spirit.”
He ruffled her hair, causing Haruka to stick out her tongue at him in a feat of maturity, before she enveloped him in a hug.
“I hope you don’t go away anytime soon, Uncle Kaz. We’d all really miss you if you did.”
Uncle Kaz chuckled, before returning the hug. “I hope so, too, Haruka.”
She felt Yuta take Haruto out of her arms as the rain began to fall. He looked apprehensive to leave her there in the rain, but someone quickly took his spot with an umbrella in hand. His footsteps were muffled as she watched the raindrops trickle down the headstone.
Gazing to the side for just a moment, she realized it was Daigo who had taken Yuta’s place. It made sense, of course, for him to be here. She just never registered his existence in her mind until the rare occasions he had visited the orphanage.
At one point in her life, she had despised the older man. It seemed like every other week Daigo was the center of some tragedy that called Uncle Kaz to and from Kamurocho. As a growing child, she felt as if he was taking him away from her.
It was times like these, when Daigo stood next to her without a word - acting like the older brother she always wished she had - that she regretted the words she had said to him all those years ago.
Haruka hated the days Daigo visited.
Every single time, it was to ask Uncle Kaz for a favor. Didn’t he know Uncle Kaz gave up the yakuza? That he wanted nothing to do with the Tojo Clan, and Kamurocho as a whole?
(Haruka understood there were some exceptions to this, mainly being Majima and Date, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.)
But still, Daigo visited like clockwork. And each time, every single time he got what he wanted, he left.
When she expressed her concerns to Uncle Kaz, he looked surprised, before telling her not to worry about Daigo, as the man only had good intentions.
Haruka didn’t think so.
It was one of those rare occasions when Daigo stayed for dinner, and she almost refused to help cook if it weren’t for Uncle Kaz offering to take her out to town the next day. After a bit more persuasion, she had agreed. Haruka almost swore she saw Uncle Kaz heave a sigh of relief - either at knowing he wouldn’t have to struggle through dinner alone, or at the fact she was going to be patient with Daigo, Haruka didn’t know.
She had a feeling it was the former, Uncle Kaz wasn’t exactly the greatest at cooking. Haruka would think of it as cooking just for the other children of Morning Glory.
As she stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching as Daigo gave her a nervous smile, she suddenly wanted to run to her room and pull out the knife Majima gave her the last time she visited Kamurocho with Uncle Kaz. He had told her not to tell her uncle about it, as he probably wouldn’t walk away with anything unbroken afterwards, but Haruka thought he would forgive her if he knew what she wanted to use it for.
“Hello there, Haruka.” Daigo said. She did not avert her glare as he spoke. “Uh, may I speak with your uncle for a minute?”
“We’re not supposed to bug Uncle Kaz while he cooks. You’ll have to wait until after dinner.” Haruka responded, curtly. The man looked as if he didn’t exactly want to wait, but he would anyway.
Majima had explained something to her once, about Daigo. Uncle Kaz had asked him to, but Haruka did not listen all that intently during the conversation. It boiled down to Majima telling her that Daigo was the kind of person raised to bite his tongue for the sake of others, to watch what he said at every minute. Being in the yakuza, especially being the chairman, wasn’t an easy job. You had to please everyone, Majima had told her.
Haruka knew this, she did. She knew Daigo had his own fair share of troubles, and needed someone to guide him as much as she did. But why did it have to be the same person who was guiding her? Haruka knew it was childish to think that Uncle Kaz would ever care less about her if Daigo needed him slightly more at times, but she was a child, and knew she could indulge in this behavior a little longer before it became problematic.
Daigo morphed one last nervous smile onto his face, before turning to shuffle back into Uncle Kaz’s office. “Alright. Thank you.”
Uncle Kaz turned around to ask her for something, before he stopped whatever words he was going to say. He looked confused. “What’s wrong? You look upset.”
Haruka turned to smile at him. “Nothing! I’m fine.” Uncle Kaz opened his mouth to question her, but Haruka cut him off before he could say anything. “Uncle Kaz, the food’s burning!”
Surprise shot over Uncle Kaz’s face, before he grabbed a spatula and ran to the pan as it sizzled. She giggled as he quickly tossed the food onto a plate in an attempt to salvage it, before dumping the pan in the sink. He sighed, before turning to her with the plate in hand. “Well, as long as I add enough seasoning it’ll be fine.”
Dinner went as well as it usually did. Haruka made sure Daigo was seated far, far away from both her and Uncle Kaz (the other Morning Glory kids liked him much better than she did, anyway).
After dinner, however, was an entirely different story.
Tonight, instead of playing with them on the beach as he usually would, Uncle Kaz was occupied by Daigo and whatever Tojo Clan business Daigo had thought important enough to warrant them not getting to spend time with Uncle Kaz.
She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but it wasn’t like she hadn’t already lived through three major history events in the yakuza world within the last few years, so it’s not like it wasn’t anything new to her.
Haruka had been getting angrier as the conversation continued, but it was what Daigo had said next that pushed her to her limit.
“...I don’t know how to proceed here. They took close to 8 billion yen in their attack, and with the state the clan is already in-”
She slammed open the door, greeted with the shocked faces of both Uncle Kaz and Daigo. A part of her told her to back out now, giving the excuse that one of the other kids got hurt, but the other, more prideful part of her told her to see this through towards the end.
Ultimately, her pride won over.
“You- you big jerk! You’re always coming in here, never bothering to care about the rest of us who live with Uncle Kaz, just to demand for help! I hate you, you stupid meanie! Stop taking Uncle Kaz away from us!” Haruka shouted. Uncle Kaz began to get up, but before he could, Haruka employed a certain word Majima had taught her and made her swear not to say it in front of her uncle. “Asshole!”
“Haruka!” Uncle Kaz called out after her, but she slammed the door shut and ran off down the street. The other Morning Glory kids watched as she ran by, and a few even called out to her, but she kept running towards town. Haruka ignored the calls of her name by Uncle Kaz in the distance.
He had finally caught up to her half an hour later, where she was sitting in Nakahara’s office. Saki had sat by her the entire time, and only left when Uncle Kaz walked in. She expected to get scolded, be told it was foolish of her to run off like that, and get grounded for saying that word, but Uncle Kaz merely sighed and sat down next to her.
“Well, before I ask what made you so upset, I assume it was Majima-san who taught you that word?”
She nodded.
Uncle Kaz huffed. “Next time he visits, he’s going back home with a black eye.”
Haruka laughed at his words.
Thinking back on her actions, Haruka internally cringed. God, she could never even imagine doing that now… She’d probably die of embarrassment, first.
She knew now why Daigo had always gone to Uncle Kaz for help, as he had seen the man as a father as well. She wasn’t the only one grieving the loss of a parent here. She should probably say something to him, though no words of comfort came to the forefront of her mind. The best she could muster was a simple ‘sorry for your loss’.
The cold air around her was suddenly very apparent. Her body shuddered, but it did not deter her. Staring at his grave felt… wrong, in a sense, like this wasn’t something that could happen to a man like him. Allowing her head to move for the first time in what felt like hours, her eyes blurrily adjusted themselves to focus on the form of Majima standing beside his brother. Saejima had a hand on his back, as the eye-patched man’s mouth moved in silent repetition. It looked as if the grave made as little sense to him as it did to her.
Akiyama stood a little ways from them, holding an umbrella in one hand and the other in his pocket. Kaoru was there, too, which was a bit of a shock. The woman was in America, the last she heard, so the trip must’ve been a taxing one.
Date, Kashiwagi, and Yayoi had taken their places near the edge of the graveyard, talking quietly about matters she could not currently care about due to the state she was in. A part of her had a feeling The Florist was somewhere around here, too, watching through the cameras as he always did (how he got cameras into a place like this with no one noticing, she wasn’t sure).
Haruka wanted to say she was surprised so many people had showed up for the funeral, but seeing as everyone here had been helped by Uncle Kaz in some way, shape, or form - it wasn’t too much of a shock. All these people loved Uncle Kaz, too.
Her body tried and failed to hide another shiver. The rain, although shielded from her by Daigo’s umbrella, continued to pelt down and consume the air with a mind numbing cold.
Not that she needed any rain to do that, though.
The shuffling of jackets was drowned out to her as she continued to stare at the grave. The black stone stood tall like a pillar, shaped similar to how his brother’s was built, but she could only look upon it in grief. Even though his grave stood tall and proud, she had no pillar to support her. Not anymore.
After what felt like hours, Daigo placed a hand on her shoulder. She barely registered Saejima’s signature coat on her shoulders. As she looked around the graveyard, it was empty, save for Yuta, Haruto, Date, Daigo, and her. She spotted Saejima walking with Majima to a car at the edge of the fence, but it did not look like Majima wanted to go willingly.
“Haruka,” She suppressed a flinch at the sound of her own name. Daigo nodded to another car waiting at the street. “I think we should take you home. You’ll catch a cold if you’re out here any longer, coat or not.”
She didn’t want to go. If she left the grave, that meant she was leaving Uncle Kaz here, leaving him to be lonely and- and afraid , and-
“Haruka, I’ll take you back tomorrow. He won’t be lonesome here, he was buried with his brother. But, for now, we must go.” Daigo’s words held no weight in her mind, and the fact that Uncle Kaz was buried across from Nishikiyama offered her no comfort.
She was too focused on staying here with Uncle Kaz.
“Haruka, please.”
Suddenly, she was twelve again. She was twelve, and she was standing in the doorway of Uncle Kaz’s office and lashing out at Daigo. She was twelve and telling Uncle Kaz she would always need him in her life. She was twelve and didn’t understand her own feelings and emotions.
She was a child, she had just lost her mother, and she was in the care of a man she had met days ago.
She was a child, and she’s faced death and pain more times than she could count.
She was a child, and her Uncle Kaz was standing next to her hospital bed, telling her Haruto was alright and he’d protect her, no matter the cost.
She was Haruka Sawamura, she was no longer a child, and she was being faced with the brutal, unrelenting fact that she was alive and her beloved Uncle Kaz wasn’t.
It made her want to scream.
And so she did.
Haruka screamed and cried and shouted at the headstone, and the town that she grew up in, at the country that gave birth to such a man that thought he had the audacity to take Uncle Kaz from her, from everyone, and at the heavens above, who planned this and set this cacophony of an untuned symphony into motion millions of years ago before she was born and could have a say.
Daigo tried to hold her back, but she kicked and punched like she was nine again and taken hostage for the first time. Date ran over to help, but she kicked him, too, and while Haruka knew she’d feel horrible about it later and would have to apologize, she didn’t care.
She sobbed and thrashed and kicked like her life depended on it, and she knew she was acting childish and that her time to indulge in that behavior had come and gone, the repercussions of her actions were the furthest from her mind at the moment.
She wanted her Uncle Kaz back. She wanted to go back to Morning Glory, or that small apartment in Kamurocho, or even Serena - and just sit with Uncle Kaz again. Haruka just wanted to sit and talk with him, just one last time.
Haruka was suddenly very aware of every emotion coursing through her body at the moment - grief, pain, anger, despair - all the things she had desperately tried to push down before it could affect her in a way that mattered. It shocked her with such force her fighting against Date and Daigo ceased.
She dropped to the pavement, feeling the cold, wet bricks below her scrape her knees as she muffled her sobs into her hands.
Date mumbled something about ‘delayed reactions’ to Daigo, and Haruka hated that she could hear every word the two were saying, as if it was being shouted into her head.
Haruka wasn’t sure what she preferred more - the mind-numbing state of grief where she felt, heard, and experienced nothing but emptiness; or the state of despair where every single switch in her brain was flicked on as if she was on high alert.
Yuta stood in front of her, and sat down by the grave with her without a word. Haruto was safely in Date’s arms. She hated how she could hear every single inhale of breath she took.
He patted her back as she exhausted herself with sobs, and when she finally found it in her to go back home and get in the car, he held onto her hand as tightly as he could the entire time.
Haruka entered a full house of all the people who had left before she had, including the others who had been with her at Morning Glory all those years.
Haruto was passed around from person to person, the baby loving the attention he was getting, and Haruka watched blankly from her spot at the table.
As she stood up and excused herself from the table, Haruka found herself walking into Uncle Kaz’s office.
It had stayed the same after all these years (she willed away the tears that threatened to surface as she saw her drawing of him from 2006 still on the wall), dust only barely getting a chance to form on the surfaces of the room. Haruka barely registered Majima appearing beside her.
“Hey.” he grumbled out. He looked about as tired as she felt. They were both understandably drained from the recent events. “Sorry about… y’know.”
Haruka nodded. “Thank you. I know he was important to you, too.”
Majima scoffed, before letting out a sigh that seemed out of place for a man like him. “Nah, don’ worry about little ol’ me. I’ll be back to hittin’ home runs at the battin’ center in no time.”
It was silent between the two as they stared into the office. It seemed too empty without him there.
“You know, I called Daigo an asshole in this room once.”
Majima let out a wheezy sort of laugh at her words. “Remember that. Yer uncle really let me have it after he found out I taught it to ya.”
Haruka let out the smallest chuckle. “You should’ve seen his face when I said it. Never have I ever been able to render Uncle Kaz that speechless since.”
“Really now?” Majima snorted. “Ya should’ve seen the look on his face when I drove that truck into Shangri-La, or whatever the fucks’ it's called.”
“Woah, careful with the language there, Majima-san. Uncle Kaz might show up and beat you up again.” Haruka said, dryly, but Majima puffed out his chest like he was ready to take on the challenge.
“Like ta see ‘im try!” He shouted, gaining the attention of some nearby guests. “Where is that ol’ headstone? I’d take ‘im in a fight right now!”
Haruka couldn’t stifle the laughter that spilled out from her mouth, wheezing a bit when Majima pointed his knife at the drawing she made. “This shit looks just like ‘im! Bet he’s been hidin’ in this paintin’ the entire time! Smart, but not smart enough to outwit me!”
“Pfft- hahah!”
Haruka laughed for the first time in weeks at Majima’s antics. He grinned, before sheathing his knife and walking back over to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Haruka, it might hurt as all hell for awhile. When you’ve lost someone like Kiryu-chan, it’s gonna be painful for much longer than it normally would.” The look in Majima’s eye was steely and determined. “But we’re gonna get through it together. Got that? Daigo or that Yuta boy ever give ya any trouble - I’ll knock ‘em into next week for ya. He may be gone, but you don’ gotta go through it alone.”
Haruka nodded, eyes welling up with tears, before Yuta walked over with Haruto. The baby reached for her with his little stubby hands, and she picked him up promptly. He babbled a bit, patting her face with his hands.
“Yes, Majima-san. I think you’re right.” Haruka took in a deep breath, focusing on the child in her arms. “We’re going to get through it together. For Uncle Kaz.”